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Finn was always out of place in the First Order, but the Resistance is an unexpectedly perfect fit.
When he woke in the medbay, he found that Rey was okay ( relief ), that she’d kicked Kylo Ren’s ass and left him on Starkiller Base as it began to break apart ( hell yes ), but that she was away seeking out Luke Skywalker for training. Kylo Ren had very nearly severed Finn’s spine, and while they’d patched him up with bactagel and a cybernetic implant, he had a few weeks of physical therapy ahead of him still.
He worried about what that would mean for him. He’d come to the Resistance for Rey, to help her, but now she was away and he was here. Right in the center of a mess of relocating the base to a safer location and scrambling for information about the First Order as it regrouped after the destruction of Starkiller Base.
He had a lot of time to think about it in the early part of his recovery process, and it twisted his gut to consider the Stormtroopers killed when the base imploded. It was easy to think of them as a sea of white and black and chrome helmets — it was what the Order wanted, a faceless army loyal to the general and the Supreme Leader rather than to each other — but he also flashed back to moments like the appreciative smile he got from Slip when he snuck a ration bar back to him because he’d been punished with working through the evening meal… or the girl back at the academy who’d whispered memories of home to him at night when he heard her sniffling and crept to the side of her bunk to take her hand. (After she went to reconditioning she couldn’t seem to remember home anymore, and sometimes Finn wonders whether he had memories of home before the First Order wiped them out.)
But he picked a side when he helped the Resistance destroy Starkiller Base, even if it started out as his way to help Rey. And it doesn’t take long for the Resistance to feel like home.
As a Stormtrooper, everything was strictly regimented, especially rest orders after injuries. But Finn isn’t good with having nothing to do for long stretches of time, and as soon as his back can take it, he’s wandering the new base and checking out the progress on getting settled in. He was unconscious for the initial move, but it’s easy enough to analyze the chaos of munitions and supplies stacked haphazardly in rooms and occasionally in hallways and determine that the move was hasty and there has been too much to do since then to focus on organizing the new base.
Finn is great at that sort of thing, and it will give him something to do. His offer to organize supplies into the new storerooms is met with startlingly genuine gratefulness — “You don’t have to do that! Are you sure? That would be so helpful, thank you! Here, let me get you a datapad so you can mark inventory.”
The instincts that he had to suppress as a Stormtrooper fit in here. He sees them echoed in others. A med specialist drops the awkwardly-balanced supplies she was carrying, and Finn and the two other soldiers in the medbay waiting room all duck down to help her collect them, smiling and chuckling as more hands than are really necessary dart after rolling canisters of bactagel. While visiting Poe in the X Wing hangar, Poe sees one mechanic pause her work to help another who is struggling with one of the parts in an engine. And there’s always someone with questions for Finn, someone curious about him for who he is, someone sharing admiration because of what he did at Starkiller Base or for getting Poe off the Finalizer.
Sometimes it’s a little overwhelming. He was just doing what he had to do. Hell, he was bound and determined to run away until Kylo Ren took Rey, and it hardly seems brave or admirable to him that he practically lied his way onto the mission so he could go after her.
After two weeks of organizing inventory and Doctor Kalonia sternly ordering him to take it easy on lifting things with his back still healing, a soldier arrives with word that General Organa would like to see Finn in her office. He hasn’t seen her since he first woke in the medbay and she stopped by to thank him and ask him a few questions about what happened on Starkiller Base.
He’s not sure what she wants, and anxiety from his Stormtrooper days lingers with him even though General Organa has shown him nothing but kindness and respect. Being called to meet Phasma would almost certainly have been a bad thing. Finn was always singling himself out, and while she would praise his skill and his leadership after exercises, private conversations were often about adjusting his behavior to more closely align with First Order goals. When they said we are only as strong as our weakest link, Finn heard support weaker team members and help them grow stronger . Phasma corrected his interpretation, telling him that the weakest members must be allowed to fail now so that they could be weeded out before they posed a danger in a live exercise.
The last time she ordered him to report to her, it had been because he hadn’t fired a single shot on Jakku, though his blaster was in perfect working order. She’d assigned him to reconditioning, and he’d gotten the hell out of there, taking Poe Dameron with him.
But this isn’t the First Order, and he isn’t a Stormtrooper anymore. So when he walks into General Organa’s office, he takes a deep breath and tamps his nerves down. “You wanted to see me, General?” he asks.
“Finn!” the general says warmly. She has such a presence that it’s easy to forget how short she is until she’s right in front of you. “It’s so good to see you up and about. Doctor Kalonia tells me you’re pushing your limits, working on organizing inventory from the move. I get comments on you all the time.”
“Comments?” Finn asks. General Organa looks so relaxed. The nerves tightening Finn’s muscles start to ease off.
“My commanders have been telling me that you do good work.” She smiles at him. “I was going to wait until you finish physical therapy, but since it seems you’ll find yourself something to do if I don’t…” Her expression turns more serious. She fixes him with a stare that, while it’s kind, makes it seem as though she can see right through him. “Finn, what do you see yourself doing in the future?”
He’s been wondering that himself. Beyond get away from the First Order, he’d had no real plans. He certainly didn’t expect to find himself drawn back into fighting, just on the other side. But he’s not sure he can walk away from it, not now. Rey’s out there training to face Kylo Ren again, maybe even the Supreme Leader. And then there’s Poe, and his flight squad, all of whom have accepted Finn as one of their own even though he hasn’t piloted a day in his life. “I’m not sure,” he admits.
“I don’t want to pressure you, Finn. What you did by leaving the First Order is remarkable, and I completely understand if you want to get as far away from this fight as possible.” She pauses, her eyes searching his face. “But we could really use you here. Your knowledge of the First Order alone would be invaluable. You’ve shown yourself to be brave and capable, and the galaxy needs more men of your caliber.”
Finn runs the words through his mind for a moment, weighing them, before he gives a slow nod. “I feel like I belong here,” he says. “I’ve never felt that way before.” There’s something bothering him, though, and it’s not easy to pin down. He chases the feeling, and the general’s eyes never leave his face. Patient.
It’s the why of it. The First Order’s goal is to ‘bring order’ to the galaxy, but it never sat right with him. Their way of bringing order to their soldiers is to make them faceless, to take away anything that makes them unique, even memories of family. They molded kids who didn’t know any better into perfect soldiers and now they send them out to slaughter and be slaughtered.
The Resistance wants to stop the First Order from doing things like that, and so does Finn. But… “Do you think there are other Stormtroopers like me? Stormtroopers who don’t agree with the First Order, who want out, but don’t know how to do it?”
General Organa’s smile is gentle. “I’ve been wondering the same thing recently,” she says. “And you might be just the person to help us find out. Would you like to do that, Finn?”
“Yes.” He doesn’t have to think about it. It resonates with him in a way few things ever have. It fits alongside Rey and Poe are my friends and When someone is struggling, help them. “What can I do to help?”