Chapter Text
"In other news, Olympic athlete Miya Atsumu is under fire tonight after storming into retired volleyball star Miya Kurasa's funeral and starting a screaming match. Police were called to the scene, but no arrests were made more on this incident tonight.”
Sunlight shone through the windows over their naked bodies. It was a peaceful dawn; birds chirped, and the wind blew softly outside. Watching Kiyoomi was one of Atsumu’s favorite pastimes. He looked so calm and alluring. His inky curls glowed in the sunlight. His skin was smooth like porcelain. His jaw seemed shaped by the gods. Kiyoomi was something poets wrote pages and pages on, and he was all Atsumus's.
He could easily stay in bed all morning, just studying Kiyoomi. But today is their day off. He wanted to make breakfast. So, he sits up slowly, trying not to wake his partner. He yawns quietly before making his way out of bed, grabbing one of the shirts thrown on the floor, and what he thinks are his boxers, and walking down the hall. Life has been incredibly peaceful for Atsumu lately. He has been winning match after match, the sun seems to shine daily, and he has the world's best family.
He picks up toys and walks through the halls, humming a tune. As he reaches the end of the hall, he puts the toys in the toy box before heading over to the kitchen. While cooking, he feels strong arms wrap around his waist. He leans into the touch of the broad man behind him. “Morin’ Omi, how did you sleep?” he chimed, continuing his rhythm of rolling tamagoyaki and stirring miso soup. “Good, how did you sleep, Atsu?” he mumbles into his hair, tapping his own rhythm into Atsumu’s hips. “I always sleep better with you.” Kiyoomi rolls his eyes before snorting, “That was horrible.” “Ah, Omi, you wound me.” Kiyoomi lets go of Atsumu’s waist. He begins to grab plates and bowls from the cabinet. “Is she up?” Kiyoomi sets the plates and silverware on the table. “Not that I know of,” he says. "I haven't heard anything from her room." He begins to bring the dishes to the table. A comfortable silence fills the room as they set everything up.
It was almost routine at this point, moving around each other with a practiced ease. The silence was broken by a soft pitter-patter of feet. A little girl with wild brown curls and gunmetal gray eyes hurried down the hall. She wore Hello Kitty pajamas, and a bright smile lit her face as she reached the kitchen doorway. “Look who's finally up!” Atsumu exclaims, picking up the young girl and giving her a big kiss on the cheek, which causes her to burst out into laughter, making the already bright room brighter. "Did you sleep well?” She rubs her eyes, “Mhm!” She starts going on about her dream, something with robots, aliens, and superheroes. Atsumu found himself lost in the middle. He sits her down at the table, sitting beside her, Kiyoomi on her other side. "That sounds amazing, Akari. But we need to eat, so bow your head," Kiyoomi says softly, smiling warmly at her. The family begins breakfast. The room is filled with Akari's cheerful chatter. She talks about whatever comes to mind, while her parents listen and respond joyfully.
After breakfast, Kiyoomi clears the table. Meanwhile, Atsumu helps Akari get ready. "Do you want to wear the pink dress or the yellow one?" Again, it's a daily routine. After Akari's ready, Kiyoomi knocks on the doorframe.” Are you ready for school, Kari?” he asks, before leaning on it. She gives him another huge smile, excitedly jumping up and down, “I am!” Kiyoomi smiles fondly. “Okay, let's say bye to Papa.” Immediately, Akari launches herself into Atsumus' waiting arms. He chuckles, “I'll see you later, Kari, have an amazin’ day at school for me, kay? She nods feverishly, her face turning determined, “I will, Papa.” “Shake on it?” he holds his hand out to her.
“Shake on it.”
Atsumu had everything he’d ever wanted. And the world was quiet enough to make him believe it was true.
Atsumu stepped out of the shower humming. He dried off his body and headed to the room, getting ready for the day. The house was silent, just him and the creaky floorboards. When he finally sat on his bed, he took his phone off the charger, expecting a few missed messages and some social media notifications.
9+ Missed Calls From Samu
9+ Missed Calls From Ma
9+ Missed Calls From Rin
20 Unread Messages From Samu
His Heart dropped.
What the hell??
Panicked, he goes to call Samu back, but his twin beats him to the punch.
Incoming Call From Samu
“Samu, what the hell is goin’ on? Is everything alright???”
Silence.
“Osamu!”
His twin's voice cracks when he answers.
“He's dead, Sumu.”
Atsumu's heart drops out of his body, a wave of pain and sadness immediately crashes over him.
“Rin’s dead, what? Are you okay? I-I can come over.”
“No, no, it's not… Rin's fine.”
A pause.
“It's… It's Dad, he's dead, Sumu They found ‘em this morning.”
Oh
“Oh, okay.”
“What?”
“I said okay, that's unfortunate, but I..”
He blinked hard.
“I don't care Samu hes…hes, not that much-or was that much of a dad anyway, I mean…so..so why would I care”
“Don't do this, Sumu, you're allowed to be-”
“No, I'm fine, Samu, just…”
His hand trembled around the phone.
“Message me the details.”
He hung up. The silence now thick and deafening. The comfort was long gone; his chest was heavy and tight. Atsumu didn't care that his dad was dead. His abuser was gone. Atsumu didn't care at all. If anything, he should pop open a bottle of wine and celebrate.
This day should be one of the happiest in his life.
So why can't he breathe?
The front door opens while Atsumu is chugging wine straight from the bottle. Lazily lying on the couch, a shitty American housewife's reality TV show is on.
While half the bottle was gone, his feelings were not.
That's how Kiyoomi finds him.
“Whoa, you okay?” Atsumu hears the alarm, in Kiyoomi's voice, from behind him.
“My dad’s dead.”
Kiyoomi freezes
“Atsu, I'm so-”
“No, no, no, no.” Atsumu sloppily sits up. “I'm not sad ‘bout it, if anything, I'm overjoyed! I'm through the roof!” he stands up, wobbling a little. Kiyoomi immediately reaches out to steady him. “Careful,” Atsumu laughs. “You're such a worrywart, Omi, I'm fine! Come on, come on, let's dance,” he starts moving his hips and arms in messy circles. Kiyoomi didn't move, looking at Atsumu with a look of worry and concern. His eyes were trained on Atsumu. He was quiet for a moment.
“Atsu..”
He hesitates
“I don't think you're okay.”
“Omi, I just said I'm good.”’
“But-”
“Drop it.”
Silence fills the room.
“Okay,” Kiyoomi says softly, “okay, I'll drop it.”
Kiyoomi walks up to Atsumu, grabbing his hands, “But please know that I'm here for you, Atsumu, I love you, I love you so much.” He whispers it like a promise, a promise that was only for him.
Atsumus' chest feels heavy again.
He was fine.
“Thank you, Omi-Omi, but I am a-okay, I swear. Promise even!” His voice was uneven and slurred.
Atsumu hates the look he's giving him. How is it so hard to believe that Atsumu doesn't care that his dad is dead? “Okay,” Kiyoomi nods slowly, “okay..” he looks around the room. “Isn't it too early to be drinking, though? It's only ten.”
“It's five o'clock somewhere!” he slurred out, giggling to himself. The look on Kiyoomi's face doesn’t change; if anything, the concern deepens.. “C'mon,” he says gently, He puts a warm hand on the small of Atsumu's back, quietly guiding him to their shared bedroom.
Kiyoomi was nothing but comfort as he tucked Atsumu in, pressing soft kisses over his face and whispering sweet nothings into his skin.
Atsumu felt warm. Loved.
He doesn't know if it's the wine or his feelings, but his eyes start to sting and his throat starts to close. Tears building in his eyes before he can stop them, “I love you, Omi,” He whispers, his voice cracking, “I love you, I love you and Akari so so so much… “ He sniffles, blinking hard. “I'd never hurt you guys like my dad did, I'd never leave you guys…I love you, guys. I love you.” Kiyoomi just pulled him close to his chest, rocking him back and forth as he continued kissing him and whispering praises into Atsumu's skin.
It's soothing. So soothing that Atsumu feels himself falling asleep.
The room was no longer warm from sunlight but warm from Kiyoomi's presence. And honestly, Atsumu wouldn't have it any other way.
“Oh, whatever, Kurasa! You’re a fucking liar! You smell like alcohol and cigarettes, hell, why don't you just run off with the bitch already!”
“Fuck you, Honoka! You know I'd never cheat on you, I love our family!”
“Well, you do a shit job at showing it!”
Atsumu sat silently at the top of the stairs, knees curled up to his chest as he listened to his parents argue. It was another night where his dad had promised to be at their game but didn’t show up. He hadn’t even come home until much later. It was normal at this point; it was routine.
His dad would promise them something, but he wouldn't go through with it, he'd leave, come home drunk, and then fight with mom until they made up again, promising to Atsumu and Osamu that they loved each other, that sometimes couples fought, that this is married life.
If this were married life, Atsumu didn't want it.
They fought so much that it was like they sometimes forgot they had kids, leaving Atsumu to not only take care of himself but also Osamu. It was normal to walk around the pair as they fought to move around and pretend that this was fine.
Atsumu hears the front door slam.
Dad left again.
That was normal, too.
There were times when they would fight, and Dad would disappear, and he wouldn't show up until the afternoon.
Atsumu hates these days.
Because that meant Dad was furious, and when Dad was furious.
He hit.
And Atsumu could defend himself; he did every time, but it was hard.
Hard to hear Samu cry.
Hard to hear Ma beg Dad to let go.
But Atsumu was the man of the house; The oldest, it was his duty to protect his Ma and Osamu, and it was his job to be brave. His job was to step up when his dad couldn’t.
Which meant no showing weakness, no showing that he was scared.
And that was fine. Because Atsumu wasn't scared! He was thirteen now, which meant he was a teenager and teenagers don't get scared.
“I know you're there Atsumu”
He jumped at the sound of his mother’s voice snapping him out of his thoughts.
He slowly stands from the top of the stairs, making his way down to the kitchen. She was sitting at the table, her head in her hands, she didn't even look up. “What did I say about eavesdroppin'?” she whispered. She sounded worn out like life was building against her.
Atsumu hesitates, “I didn't know if he'd do anything…I just wanted to be able to protect you if…if he did”
She sighs, “Go to bed, Atsumu. You worry too much.”
“Not until you go to bed first, I need to know you're safe.”
“Atsumu..”
“Ma.”
It's quiet as they have a stare-off.
Because it solidifies what they both know.
She's not protecting him. He's protecting her.
That he was just a kid carrying the weight of the world.
A weight that should have never been his to hold in the first place.
“But I wanted to play with Papa after school..”
“Papa needs to rest, Kari, I'm sorry...I can play with you if you want someone to play with, or we could go to the Bokutos' house. But Papa needs to relax at least just for today, okay?”
Their voices trickled from under the door. Kiyoomis was hushed and soft while Akaris was upset and pouty.
Atsumu doesn't understand why Omi kept pushing that he wasn't okay. He was great.
He groaned, sitting up in bed and rubbing his head. Okay, maybe he was a little hungover and his head was pounding, his heart felt like it was going to hop out of his chest, and his stomach was fighting him on this morning's breakfast, but he was okay; he could be worse. He kicked his feet over the bed, slipped on his slippers, and walked to the door.
Kiyoomi jumps “Atsu-”
Akari’s face lights up. “Papa! You're finally up, we can finally play now! Daddy was being mean and saying we weren't able to play today, but since you're up, we can play, right?” She buzzed, jumping up and down. Before Asumu could respond, Kiyoomi answered for him.
“No, Akari, I said no, and that's final,” he glares up at Atsumu. “Papa is supposed to be resting, like I said”. She deflates. Atsumu puts on a tight smile. “No, we can play today, baby. I already told daddy that I was fine and don't need any more rest, I'm all yours.”
“No, Akari papa is being stubborn and can never say when he needs help or a break.”
“Akari Daddy is just being a worrywart and a bitch for no reason right now.”
“A Bitch? I'm a bitch for caring about you? Mature Atsumu”
Akari stands smile, fading. Her eyes darted between the two.
“Why can't you just accept that I don't need help and that I've already accepted and am okay with my dad dying?”
“Your dad died today, Atsu, and you're not acting normal, you're holding things in like you always do!”
Atsumu scowls, “You're turning nothing into something for no reason, Kiyoomi.”
“Oh, so I'm Kiyoomi now?”
“That's your name, ain't it?”
‘Listen, Atsumu, I won't let you lash out at me because I care about you!”
“It doesn't seem that way! If you cred you'd drop this.”
Tiny sniffles break the tension.
This caused them both to whip their head around. Akari stands there, hands balled up in her pretty yellow dress and tears streaming down her face as she looks up at them. Shit, they had forgotten she was even there. He immediately crouches down in front of her, Kiyoomi, following suit.
“Oh, baby…” Atsumu says, wiping her tears, “I'm sorry-” “We're sorry,” Kiyoomi interrupts, causing Atsumu to glare at him. “You shouldn't have had to see that we should've been mindful not to fight in front of you”. She sniffles, “I'm sorry… I'm so sorry,” she whispers. “I-i didn't mean to…to make you fight, forgive me,” she cries, looking down at her feet.
For a moment, nothing but her sobs can be heard.
“Oh no baby, no… “Atsumu's comforting voice shakes as he rubs her arms. “No, no, no, it's not your fault, it would never be your fault…me and daddy were grown-ups….and grown-ups..make mistakes sometimes”
Kiyoomi nods, “Exactly, and it's never your responsibility to fix those mistakes, okay? We're the ones who should be apologizing to you. Papa and Me will do better, we're sorry,” He states, putting his hand on her shoulder
“But it's my fault, it's all my fault that you guys started yelling in the first place,” she rubs her eye, hiccuping out every word. “No, baby, we were yelling because of me,” Atsumu whispers out, causing Kiyoomi's head to snap towards him. “Because....because..” he sighs, “Please baby believe me when I say it isn't ur fault”
She sniffles, gripping her yellow dress tighter, “So you guys are mad at each other…”. Kiyoomi glances at Atsumu, “not mad baby, just… worried is all..” he sighs, running his hand through his black curls. “Sometimes people get upset and their only way of communicating that their upset is through yelling…not that that makes us yelling any better-” Kiyoomi starts to ramble “What daddy is trying to say” Atsumu interrupts “Is that were both having a bad day and i made it worse by picking a fight with daddy…but im not mad at daddy and im sure as hell aint mad at you.”
“You promise?” she whispers, looking up at him with watery eyes, holding out her pinky. Atsumu chuckles, interlocking their pinkies.
“I promise, baby.”
She smiles before looking up at Kiyoomi, “Can we still go to the Bokutos?”
Sakusa nods, smiling softly at her. “Of course, go get your playdate, bag.” Her smile widens as she wipes her eyes, running off to her bedroom. Both of their smiles drop the second she's out of view, the hallway falling into a tense quiet.
Kiyoomi sighs, massaging his temples.“You shouldn't have called me that in front of her.”
“I know, I know..” Atsumu sighs, his voice hoarse and his anger gone. “I know.. I'm just confused..I don't know how to do this, Omi. I don't know what I'm doing.” He leans against the wall before sliding down it. “I don't know,” he whispers, putting his head in his hands. Kiyoomi sighs softly before coming over and sitting next to him. “You don't have to know grief doesn't come with a handbook, my love.” He moves Atsumus's hands away from his head. “Look at me,” He says softly, gently putting a finger under his chin and moving Atsumus' head so he is looking at him. “You don't have to know,” He repeats, “I just wish you'd let me in when it gets hard... I'm here for you, I'll always be here for you,” he says softly, his eyes never leaving Atsumus. “Okay?” Atsumu's eyes fill with tears. “I hate him, Omi…I despise him,” he croaks out. “I hate him, I hate him so much, so I don't know why I feel this way..why I almost miss him? But I don't know how I could. He was a piece of shit to me..and I keep trying to figure out how I'm supposed to feel about it.” Kiyoomi is silent as he listens to Asumu wiping his tears as they fall
“It's allowed to be both.. you're allowed to feel both.” Atsumu lays his head on Kiyoomi's shoulder.
The tension and silence in the hallway is now replaced by softness. As Kiyoomi and Atsumu sit there in silence.
Maybe everything would be okay?
The silence is replaced by the sound of tiny feet hitting the wood and her backpack bouncing behind her. “I'm ready!” Akari shouts her eyes are red and puffy, but her regular sunshine personality is back. Kiyoomi pats Atsumus' thigh, looking at him, “You coming?” Atsumu smiles, looking up at him before shaking his head, “No, I think I'm going to stay behind..take another nap,” He says softly. “Tell Kou, Keji, and Hiko I said hi, yeah?” Kiyoomi nods, planting a kiss on Atsumus' lips before getting up. “You ready to go?” Akari nods eagerly before jumping into Atsumus' arms. He plants a kiss on her head. “Have fun for me, okay?” She nods,
“Okay, I'll see you. I love you.”
“I love you too, Papa.”
She runs towards the door. “I'll text you love,” Kiyoomi whispers to him before following behind her.
The second the door closes behind them is loud. He hears ringing in his ears, his eyes unfocused as he stares at the wall. He feels his chest tighten again as he reaches for his phone, hesitating before opening up the note app. He stares at the empty note before typing out a simple 3-letter word.
“DAD.”
And nothing else.
He stares at the blinking cursor like maybe it would write itself.
Maybe that's okay.
Maybe that's enough for now.