Work Text:
Pomni stood up and left the dinner table without eating. She wasn’t particularly hungry after returning back from their most recent adventure, which was fixing an (2D animated) alligator’s sewer pipes so he could take a shower.
Playing plumber was already gross, but Pomni was also beat from how poorly the adventure had gone. Turns out nobody in the circus was even a little bit handy, nor did they want to cooperate with each other. She started on the way to her room, but decided to hang around for a bit and pivoted towards the living area. She stretched out on the couch, hands clasped over her chest, and let herself decompress.
The rest of the cast finished their dinner, and while Kinger and Ragatha made their way to their rooms for the night, Jax, Gangle, and Zooble all joined Pomni in the living area. They sat in the armchairs around her, Gangle and Zooble making conversation while Jax adding snide remarks in between. Pomni listened silently and waited for a lull.
“Has Ragatha seemed… weird to you guys lately?”
“Ragatha’s ALWAYS weird,” Jax replied, eyes closed and his hands resting behind his head.
“No, I mean like…” Pomni sat up, “She’s been so… snappy? With everyone lately. But it also feels like she’s trying to hang around me more.”
“Same old crone as always…!” Jax mused smuggly.
Pomni rolled her eyes. “Well, I know she doesn’t like it when I hang around you, Jax… but she kept butting in between us,” she turned towards Gangle and Zooble. “Like near the end of today, when Gangle and I were soaking up the water we leaked everywhere, she grabbed the mop Gangle was going for and started mopping the same area I was in! It was like she didn’t even see you there!”
“Well, uh, that was pretty rude, but we were all having a pretty rough day. I don’t think she meant any harm,” Gangle tried to reason.
“Ragatha’s been here for way longer than most of us. She’s probably just getting bored of us and wants to hang around someone new,” Zooble added. “Either that or she’s got a crush on you.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I bet you’d be real in tune to that, Zooby,” Jax teased.
That elicited an eye roll from everyone. “No, I just mean, you’re still new, she wants to get to know you. Although, I will say, she didn’t act this eager when I first arrived,” Zooble trailed off near the end and sunk back a little farther in their chair.
“That’s… probably it,” Pomni tried to reassure herself.
The four of them sat in silence for a moment.
“Now that I’m thinking about it,” Zooble started, “Gangle, didn’t you mention some weird stuff Ragatha said during the fast food adventure?”
“She said a lot of weird stuff on the stupid sauce… I don’t really think she’d want me sharing any of it…”
“That’s fine! I don’t want to hear anything I don’t need to know!”
Gangle ignored her and thought carefully about how to word her next sentence. “Pomni… she really wants to be friends with you. And… she seems pretty lonely already. Just don’t be upset if she’s acting weird towards you.”
Pomni nodded. They changed the subject and visited for a few more minutes, but eventually they decided it was time to hit the sack too. Zooble lingered to talk to Pomni for a moment.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t’ve said that. I don’t wanna make assumptions about Ragatha or put stuff like that in your head.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” Pomni looked up and assured them, “I guess it makes sense she’d want to spend time with the new guy… Just wish she was a little more normal about it!” She tried to mask her annoyance with a joking tone, but Zooble could understand what she really meant.
“She’ll chill out eventually. Hopefully.” Zooble shrugged. “Have a nice night.”
“Thanks, you too,” Pomni replied. She waited for Zooble to leave before she made for her room too.
On the way back to her room she pondered what Gangle and Zooble had meant. It would make sense that Ragatha was eager to make a new friend, especially after what Pomni had perceived as going years without really connecting with anybody, but… this seemed obsessive. It was normal for Ragatha to try and push her and Jax apart. She fucking hated that guy. But Ragatha inserting herself every time Pomni was trying to hang out with someone else? That didn’t seem like Ragata. Or the Ragatha she had known thus far. At least Ragatha hadn’t tried to keep her at the dinner table, or tried to join their conversation in the living area. Pomni really needed some space.
Pomni decided she was reading too much into this. She found her door and ignored those thoughts for the rest of the night.
—
Ragatha paced around her room. Oh god, she had come on way too strong earlier today. She hadn’t meant to push Gangle away, she just got too excited about grouping up with Pomni! And when she snapped at Jax for daring to make Pomni laugh at that poor alligator’s expense… oeoeuuguhhhh it was too obvious! At least she had left Pomni alone during dinner and went straight to her room right afterwards. Maybe that would balance out her… overbearing-ness.
As she walked in circles, she chewed where her fingernails would be, a habit she still hadn’t gotten rid of since joining the circus. She gnawed until she could feel some of her seams loosening, snapping her out of her spiral. She moved swiftly to her vanity and cut open the loose seams, removed them, and replaced them with fresh thread. She checked her work and tied off the knot.
Ragatha put her sewing kit back in its drawer and laid out her entire upper half on the vanity’s desk. She groaned. She could tell these past few weeks she had started to annoy Pomni with her insistence to spend time together. On adventures, at the dinner table, when they were all just relaxing. Ragatha could not keep herself away from Pomni.
This was definitely a crush. A debilitating one. She was used to getting a little desperate when it came to friendship, but this was way different. She just wanted to be with Pomni. And that was starting to have an effect on her relationships with the others. Something had to change.
—
A few weeks passed. Nothing had changed. Nothing had changed… for Ragatha. But Pomni was beginning to feel the crushing weight of Ragatha’s friendliness. Everywhere they went, they always had to be together, even if that meant pushing others away. Pomni was doing her best to avoid it without being confrontational or rude. Just straight up avoiding Ragatha when she could. But in the midst of trying to adjust to her new home and body and doing her best to get along with everyone here (and suppress thoughts of THE EXIT), she was getting all these thoughts she didn’t know how to deal with. Confusing, frustrating thoughts, mostly regarding Ragatha. And the way those connected with things she had experienced in the real world.
It was just too much. A change was desperately needed, and Pomni decided she was just gonna go for it.
—
Pomni stepped up her pace and jogged until she caught up with Ragatha. It was the end of another long adventure. They were standing in front of Ragatha’s door; Ragatha hadn’t even noticed Pomni standing behind her yet. Pomni had her hands clenched to her chest, she inhaled, exhaled, and reached a hand towards Ragatha’s back but didn’t quite touch her.
“Ragatha?”
The doll jumped and whipped around. “Oh jeez, Pomni, you scared me!” she laughed, wiping away imaginary sweat on her forehead. This was the first time in a while Pomni had approached her, instead of the other way around. She could remember the exact last moment, actually: near the end of the adventure in the Mildenhall Manor. Maybe it wasn’t a good thing she was keeping score.
The jester hesitated before continuing. Her tone was timid, but it had an underlying tint of sternness to it. “Could we talk about something serious? If you’re not busy…”
“Of course, Pomni!” Shit, that was the second time she had said her name already. She needed to chill. She beamed, thinking maybe this would lead to a proclamation of wanting something more than their strained… acquaintanceship, but she knew, deep down, that this could not be good. Still, she could not mask her excitement from just getting to talk to Pomni, away from that asshole rabbit and company. Not that she hated them! Just… whatever.
“So, uh…” Pomni tried to signal she wanted to talk privately in Ragatha’s room without imposing herself.
“Oh! Yes! Come right in!” Ragatha turned back around, unlocked her door, and ushered Pomni inside. She groaned internally. How long had she just stood there smiling down at her??
Ragatha plopped down on her bed, crossed her legs, fixed her skirt, and zhuzhed up her curls. She waited for Pomni, only to realize when she turned towards her vanity that she had decided to sit on the stool instead. Whatever! That’s fine! She pushed the thoughts of dread down and let herself feel giddy. Years and years of being stuck here without any kind of affection… she just wanted her hopes up for once.
Pomni, who was small enough to criss cross her legs on the stool, folded her hands and placed them in her lap. She waited for Ragatha to ask her what she was here for, but the doll just kept staring and smiling at her. She cleared her throat and decided to begin. Her gaze landed in her lap too. She couldn’t bear to look Ragatha in the eyes right now.
“Okay, I’m not sure how to say this. And I really don’t want to hurt your feelings. But Ragatha, um… I need some space.”
Ragatha’s heart dropped, but she kept her composure. She had known in the back of her mind this was a very real possibility. Just keep listening.
“I really do appreciate how you’ve looked out for me, and your concern, but it’s just… too much. You’re…” Pomni wondered if what she was about to say was too harsh, but continued anyway. “You’re inserting yourself too much in between my friends and I. I like hanging out with you too, Ragatha, but there’s other people here besides us.”
Pomni finally looked towards Ragatha for a reaction. The smile had disappeared, but she didn’t look dejected. Her eyes were wide and her hair was still bouncing a little bit. Pomni guessed she had been nodding along.
“I don’t want to hurt you Ragatha, but it’s just too much.”
Another too much. That was really starting to sting. The jester was clearly waiting for a response, but the doll could not muster one up. She felt her expression slip, her mouth start to twitch at the ends, and digital tears welling up in her eye. She tried to block out flashes of memories from her old life, ones where she was younger and called too much for just being herself. She began to sniffle and shake, but caught herself just before she started ugly crying in front of the woman in her room. She flung her head back up and put her best on her best poker face.
“I understand,” Ragatha finally responded, flatly as she possibly could.
Pomni thought she noticed Ragatha about to cry, and tilted her head in confusion when all of a sudden she was back to looking perfectly normal. The guilt was starting to sink in, but this next part was especially important. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she left it out.
It wasn’t just that she wanted to tell the truth, it was that she had yet to confess something else to anyone. She was keeping it far, far down inside her because she knew that acting on it would be disastrous.
She prepared herself mentally for the next part. Inhale, exhale, make sure she was steady on the stool, avoid eye contact with Ragatha. Okay.
“And… I want to be completely transparent with you. I don’t want to say
who…
but some people lead me to believe that you, at some point, had… developed feelings for me. I wasn’t aware at first, but once I heard what some people had to say, it became apparent to me. And-” she let herself have one quick look at Ragatha, who was still staring intently at her, and she averted her eyes once again. “Okay, this is really hard for me to admit. But. I think I also have feelings for you.”
Pomni heard rustling from the bed and realized Ragatha had shifted a little closer towards her. Now it was the jester who was about to cry. She stood up, head in her hands, and made the extremely risky decision to take a seat next to Ragatha on the bed.
Through sniffles, Pomni explained: “This is just so difficult to talk about. I just… ugh,” She felt Ragatha softly pat her on the back. She looked up towards her. “You know, before the circus, I had never been attracted to a woman before?” She left out the context that she had been with men, but never really felt attracted to them either. She wasn’t ready to let that out yet. Her thoughts started spilling out, like she had been waiting for years to reveal this part of herself. “But then I got here, and I got to know you, and to be honest you kind of creeped me out! But there was just something there I couldn’t ignore, and I didn’t know how to deal with it, and of course I did kind of feel suffocated by you at times and I wanted to make friends with everyone else too but you got in the way so I started avoiding you more but I still felt something…” she realized she had been talking for way too long.
“Wow, that was a lot,” Ragatha consoled. “Thank you for telling me, I guess?” The doll had completely lost the possibility of tears after witnessing the patheticness of the jester. (Ragatha didn’t think she was pathetic, but that’s what she was.) She continued to pat Pomni’s back while she sniffled into her own lap.
Now Ragatha was just confused. Pomni had wanted to talk to her about giving her space but also let her down easy? When she hadn’t even confessed in the first place? Or was she making a move? At the same time as telling her to get away? Maybe she should just play dumb… say she actually never had those feelings and whoever told her that was reading the situation wrong? That wouldn’t work. It was the most obvious thing ever. Just keep patting.
Then Ragatha’s brain replayed what Pomni had said. She was… the first woman she’d ever been attracted to? Really? She turned a little red in the face, but what was more noticeable was her snickering.
Pomni paused her crying and gave Ragatha an inquisitive, almost offended look.
“Oh! Sorry!” Ragatha apologized through growing laughter, “I just can’t believe you’d never liked women before me! A ragdoll? Are you sure?” she hoped she made that rhetorical enough. She did not.
“I guess, yeah,” Pomni replied. She was here to be honest after all. “But Ragatha, I understand that you’re flattered, but the biggest reason I wanted to talk to you is that… even if we both liked each other… I don’t think it’s a good idea to get involved… romantically.”
Ragatha’s laugh faded.
“I know this isn’t like anything in the real world, but I had the same rules about dating in the office… If we did start something… and it ended badly… we’re still stuck here together forever. And it’s not like we get to go home at the end of the day. I guess we’re barely friends now, but what if a relationship ruined any chance at us getting closer? You’re pushing yourself on me so much already, we’re risking friendship right now.”
Ragatha’s hand had stopped patting Pomni and instead was just resting on her back now. The digital warmth was comforting, but the proximity was uncomfortable. She shouldn’t’ve let herself sit this close to Ragatha. She waited again for another response. Anything.
“I understand.” The same reply as before. The truth was, Ragatha could not understand Pomni’s point of view. She had been there for how many more years than her, deprived of real friendships and even more deprived of any kind of romantic or sexual affection. It was like her life in the real world, but more depressing and weird and primary colored. She was desperate for anything at this point. Surely Pomni was exhausted from not having a partner too, right? Then again, she’d only been here a few months. She was probably fine.
It took her a moment and a fair bit of dodging mental gymnastics, but Ragatha eventually realized that maybe Pomni was right. Yeah, okay, so what if they broke up and it was awful. They’d still have to live together, and see each other every single day, and just… exist in the same space with horrible bad blood.
But what if they got together and it was great? What then? Ragatha pushed that thought down. She wasn’t going to freak out and risk ever being friends with Pomni.
In the time Ragatha came to that conclusion, Pomni had turned to face her and took the doll’s left hand in her right. “Ragatha, I like you, and from what I’ve gathered you like me a lot, too. But this… can’t happen. And I just need some space. Thank you for understanding…” she trailed off. Looking her in the eyes for the first time tonight… Pomni never really registered what she found so pretty about Ragatha, it was always just a blob of “I’d kiss that woman if given the chance”. But in the dim light of the doll’s room, and the jester’s eyes glazed over and blurred from her tears… Oh god. What was she doing.
Pomni pulled her legs onto the bed and started reaching towards Ragatha. They just stared at each other. Their faces were about two inches apart. Then, Pomni nudged forward, and they were zero inches apart. Ragatha was completely shocked and immediately broke away.
“What was that for???” Ragatha was genuinely offended.
“Oh, god I’m so sorry. I don’t know what that was. I shouldn’t have done that. Not now. Ragatha, I’m so sorry.”
Pomni’s eyes were welling with tears again. Ragatha nearly had steam coming out of her ears. She comes in here… telling her to get the fuck away and that they’d never work out… and then kisses her?
But then again… that was her first kiss since… as long as she had been in the circus. She could barely remember when she’d had one last in the real world. And… ooughh… she could tell she was completely flushed. Boy was she mad… but it was hard staying completely angry. Blinded by confusion, Ragatha grabbed Pomni by the shoulders and forced them back together.
The kiss was weird. The jester was all rubbery and the doll was made out of… doll stuff. Softish burlap and a felt mouth. For Pomni it was like kissing an old pillow… and for Ragatha it was like kissing a bouncy ball. It was not pleasant, but relief washed over the two women as they felt their desires being fulfilled. They weren’t longing for a kiss, they were longing for the feeling of them being together.
They softened into each others’ touch. Ragatha’s hands moved to Pomni’s face and Pomni rested her hands on Ragatha’s shoulders. It was far from sloppy, there wasn’t any saliva involved, but it was passionate. And angry. And dreadful. They both knew the second they pulled away it was over for them. And so they continued like that for a while. Their hands travelled across each other’s waists, hips, and knees, but they never closed the gap between their bodies. Without the need to breathe, they just kept going. Until…
Pomni was the first to pull away.
“I’m sorry. We shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t have started it.”
Pomni was staring down at her lap again. Ragatha removed her hands from the other woman and stared at the top of her hat.
“This was just a bad idea. I’m sorry I even brought this up. We can… talk about this later.”
But they both knew there wouldn’t be a later.
Pomni slid off the bed and left Ragatha’s room without saying bye, or even giving her one final glance. Ragatha just laid back in her bed, the light from the hallway disappearing after Pomni clicked the door shut. She fell asleep with her lamp light still on.
—
It had been a few days. A certain purple rabbit had noticed a certain ragdoll wasn’t creeping over a certain jester anymore.
“You finally got Ragatha off your back, huh?” Jax nagged Pomni, hitting her with his elbow.
“I guess so,” Pomni huffed. She didn’t even entertain the thought of a follow-up question. She walked away from Jax and went to join Gangle and Zooble.
Disappointed, Jax made his way to Ragatha, who was several yards across from the common area in the tent.
“Jeez, what’s her problem?”
“I wouldn’t know, Jax,” Ragatha replied, nearly devoid of emotion. Just a twinge of annoyance. Nothing like normal. She, too, walked away, leaving Jax alone and confused.
Jax watched as Ragatha trudged her way to her room without a pep in her step or a sway in her hips. Unamused, he sauntered back to the common area to instigate something against Gangle.
Jax was usually privy to gossip and interpersonal conflict. He was pretty sure just a few days ago was the last time they’d spoken to one another. Months later, he’s certain that was the last time they’d ever speak to each other.