Work Text:
The little cabin was too filled. Filled with people rushing around. Filled with empty packages of salt that were thrown on the floor, forgotten as soon as they touched the ground. Filled with nervousness. Everyone was tense, knowing what‘s about to happen.
Everyone knew what to do. Knew they had to prepare the bathtub very carefully, so Eleven had the best conditions. Dustin and Steve tossed the salt packs in the cold water. Lucas stirred with a shovel they found in the cabin. Will and Jonathan sat at a table and prepared old goggles they got from Erica with black tape, so no light could pass.
Nancy and Jonathan were out getting food for Eleven to store in her little fridge. She couldn’t leave the cabin since all of Hawkings was searching for her. Joyce, Hopper, Nancy and Jonathan took turns to care for her and stay at the cabin. Mike and Will also volunteered to stay with her but weren’t allowed. Joyce said it’s too dangerous.
Mike paced around. He was the only one who didn’t help with the preparation. He felt bad because of it, of course. But the fear and nervousness was eating him alive. He was told several times to just sit down if he doesn’t want to help. But he couldn’t just sit and wait till it was over.
He was scared. This wasn’t going to be easy for El. She had done so much and she had been in the bathtub so many times and Mike was still scared what would happen if she stayed for too long. Stayed in someone’s mind for too long.
Mike went to her room and knocked at the door. El was sent in there to change in a bathing suit they got her for exactly such situations. The door swung open and El was visibly surprised to see Mike in the doorway. She was standing at the window and must have opened the door with her mind.
She just tilted her head to signal Mike to come in. After Mike stepped in the dimly lit room the door fell in the lock with a crack. Even though El lived in the cabin for nearly a month everything looked broken. Except for the bed with a mattress and some old sheets from Joyce on it and a closet. On the bed sat a teddy bear. The one El held tightly as she kissed Mike the last time before they moved to California. She still had it.
Mike looked at the bear a second too long. El‘s gaze followed his. „I named him Hop, you know. After Hopper. I wanted to keep him with me forever“ she suddenly said. Mike looked up but now El was the one to look at the teddy. There was a faded smile on her lips.
Mike didn’t know what to respond. So he just took a step to El, who finally looked back up at him. There was still plenty of room between them. Too much, maybe, for two people who are supposed to be in love. Still, they stood there and waited for the other to take the initiative.
„If… if something happend“, Mike started with shaking voice, „you know, while you’re in her mind. I‘m there. The whole time. Just like with the pizza dough freezer“ he said with an unsure chuckle. El smiled softly at him. But there was something in her eyes that Mike couldn't interpret. A hint of sadness or fear or just defeat.
Mike feared he said the wrong thing. He was great at saying the wrong thing to El. Had a hidden talent, some might say. After coming back to Hawkings they only had a handful of talks, always leading to Mike saying something we later regretted. This one time he couldn’t screw it up.
„But maybe“, El started, her voice barely a whisper, „this time you don’t lie to me“.
„Lie?“, Mike asks shocked, mouth wide open in disbelief. He said he loved her, which was exactly what she wanted to hear before she had been arrested. And now she thinks he lied to her? „I said it. I meant it. I…“ love you. He couldn’t say it. The words stuck in his throat, and he couldn’t get himself to speak them out loud.
It was like all the times he signed the letters for El. Always wanting to write ‚love‘. It never felt right to write it down. His fingers began to tremble and with shaking hands he wrote ‚from‘. It felt safe and easy and not as forced.
„There, you can’t say it“, El stated. She sounded proud to prove her point but at the same time endlessly sad for the same reason. Mike closed his mouth and eyes at the same time, defeated.
„Why did you say it, Mike?“ she asked, stepping forward.
„You were in danger and I… I couldn’t just stare at you without doing something“. It was Will who encouraged Mike to say it. Because of his stupid Mike-is-the-heart-talk Mike just couldn’t stop thinking about. He doesn’t admit it in front of El.
El could only shake her head and sit down on the bed. „You lied, Mike. Friends don't lie“ she said. Mike bit his lip, trying to come with something to say.
„I don’t think we should stay together, Mike“, El suddenly said. Mike‘s head shot up to look her in the eyes. They were full of determination although her voice was just a whisper filled with sadness.
Mike sat down beside her, his head hanging low. „You don’t love me, Mike, do you?“, El asked quietly. Mike‘s answer came quickly. „Of course I do“, his voice grew quieter as he continued, „but maybe not… not how I wanted to or how I‘m expected to“. A tear streamed down his cheek which he aggressively wiped away with the blue sleeve of his sweater.
„I really wish I could love you“, Mike then said after a few minutes. El looked at him expectationally. Mike took a deep breath. It was so hard to say. He never said it out loud. To no one, not even himself. He always pushed these thoughts as far away as possible.
„But I can‘t. I think I can‘t love you, not because you are you, you are perfect. But because you are…“ the last word stuck in his throat. It’s not like the ‚I love you‘ he just can‘t say. It was different, because it made him different.
„Because I‘m a superhero?“, she asked but Mike only shook his head. And laughed a little. It was so absurd. El fought monsters from the upside down and grew up in a laboratory. She didn’t go to school or watched the news every evening like he or his family. She maybe didn’t even know people like him exist.
„No, no. It’s because you’re… you’re a girl“. There, he said it. The world isn’t collapsing and there is no hole in the floor that drags him down to hell. Mike couldn’t look to El, scared of her reaction. But she just laid her hand on his cheeks and guided him to look up at her. „And you don’t love girls?“, she asks. Mike nodded carefully.
„But you love boys?“, she continued. She didn’t sound disgusted or upset or angry. Just curious. Again Mike nodded a little more surely this time. He saw how a smile creeped on El‘s lips. And an even smaller smile formed on his lips.