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Lavellan walked lethargically towards the tavern, avoiding everyone he could by taking the route along the ramparts instead of going right through the courtyard. He would have preferred to have stayed in his own quarters, but he found himself in need of a drink for the first time in months. It wasn’t like his family didn’t write him, but being reminded that they expected him to marry one day was enough to put him in a sour mood. Therefore, a trip to the tavern was inevitable since he had no knowledge about wines to allow him to chose one from the cellar.
It was supposed to be fast: go in, ask Cabot for the strongest liquor in his arsenal and then back out. There was only one thing he had failed to consider. A very big one.
When Lavellan saw The Iron Bull sitting in the tavern, he could have sworn that the temperature had risen a few degrees in the space of seconds. He would have blamed it on the alcohol, except he hadn’t drank any yet. However, it seemed that Bull had his hands full already. A redhead was sitting next to him, chatting and making some obvious advances. Lavellan decided to stay a while and enjoy the view while he could before they eventually decided to take things further for the night.
He knew that it probably didn’t mean Bull felt anything more for the redhead. He had talked extensively with Bull in the past, seemingly happy to satisfy his curiosity about the Qunari and the Qun for as long as Lavellan wanted. However, every time their conversation would head towards any topic related to relationships Lavellan would try to talk about something else. Still, he now understood that Qunari didn’t actually do relationships, and that sex was provided on a need basis, like when someone needed to see a healer. He couldn’t understand that at all. Sex was such an intimate thing for him, that the thought of doing it as if it meant nothing was stunning. It wasn’t for nothing it was said that two people connect in both body and soul: sex is a part of it.
While Lavellan looked at Bull and mused about relationships, Bull himself noticed Lavellan looking at him. He waited for Lavellan to finish his drink and walk up the stairs back to the battlements before introducing his redhead to a very annoyed Krem and shooting up the stairs after Lavellan. He knew that look that Lavellan was giving him. Longing, but at the same time acceptance. Acceptance that he wouldn’t ever be able to get what he wanted… what he needed. Bull opened the door to his room and saw Lavellan jump in surprise at him.
“Ahh! Sorry! I was only... I mean I didn’t touch anything. I mean, I was only looking around. No, that sounded wrong, I...” Lavellan blurted out, his face going red and retreating slowly towards the door.
“Hey.” Bull said with a smile. “No problem. I saw you at the tavern looking at me, I was wondering if you needed something.” Bull added.
“Oh, huh, I don’t need anything. Thank you.” Lavellan said, lowering his gaze to the ground. When it came to some things Lavellan could be very shy.
“Hey, if you just wanted to admire me you can do it all day.” Bull added with a smirk, enjoying the way Lavellan’s face got even redder. He didn’t expect, however, was his reply.
“I am not interested in you, I’m sorry.” Lavellan muttered quickly, turning away. Bull could tell that it was a lie from a mile away, however he could also see that Lavellan wanted to believe it.
“Is it because I am Qunari? I’ve noticed that you tend to look at me ever since we met, and even more so after Haven. It isn’t the look that one friend gives another. So, I cannot fully understand why you say that.” Bull provided.
If Bull was being honest with himself, he did find Lavellan attractive, but the constant side-stepping around flirting and the awkward moments that followed it made him reluctant to act. Only that longing look that Lavellan gave him on a regular basis made him pause and think that maybe, just maybe, he had some interest in him besides the pure professional relationship.
“I...” Lavellan said, pinching his nose, failing to find the best words to explain. Bull decided to try to help him and guess based on his assumptions.
“Is it because you think it might hurt your position as Inquisitor?” Bull suggested. Lavellan shook his head and gave him a mock laugh for it. “If only.”
“Are you afraid of me?” Bull asked bluntly, steeling himself for the possibility. Lavellan, however, looked at him with surprise written across his face. “I am not afraid of you, Bull. You’re one of the nicest person I’ve known in my life.” Lavellan replied, stepping closer to Bull as if trying to make his point. Bull exhaled slowly in relief. Then...
“Do you already have another person in your life? From before the conclave?” Bull tried, almost regretting having asked it the moment he saw Lavellan recoil as if he had stabbed him with a blade.
“No Bull, I’ve never had anyone. I’ve never found anyone that I felt… well… attracted to. Not until I met you.” Lavellan confessed. “I mean, I’ve always known that I was attracted to… that I liked other man” he mentioned, falling silent once again. Bull could tell that this was something that was hard for him to talk about, so he have him time to compose himself.
“I’ve no problem with anyone lacking experience. It can be quite fun, actually, to be someone’s first.” Bull said, hoping to get Lavellan at ease. It didn’t, however.
“That’s not the issue. I’ve never been very confident in myself, and since I don’t go about telling that I like man, well, I never got the opportunity to really explore this side of me. Until one day I told my mother, who was still waiting for me to find a woman.” Lavellan told him. Bull placed a hand on his shoulder, encouraging him to continue and let it all out. “I bet it didn’t go well?” Bull guessed.
“It did and it didn’t. While she didn’t reject me, she suggested not telling anyone else. She mentioned that the others in my family would not take the news well, but I wonder now if she wasn’t just ashamed. I don’t really intend to find out.” Lavellan said.
He then pushed Bull’s hand away as he continued. “However, this isn’t the real reason why I’ve not pursued my attraction for you, unique as it is. I cannot have sex as you do, so casually. I’m afraid I’d take it seriously, and muddle things with my feelings for you right from the start.”
Bull tried to process this new information. He could see why Lavellan had tried so hard to keep things professional. A few months ago, he would have agreed with Lavellan and let him go, but now…
“I find myself to no longer be a Qunari. And while this is new territory for me, I’d at least like to give it a try. Maybe start slowly with, what do you southerners call it? Dating? I think we know each other fairly well already, but I’d like to do this properly.” Bull told Lavellan. He was afraid that it wouldn’t work and end up hurting Lavellan, but this was something that Lavellan needed, and perhaps even himself as well.
“What about the redhead you left at the tavern?” Lavellan asked, trying to go for a skeptical expression but failing, making him seem more vulnerable than he had intended. Bull used the opportunity to embrace Lavellan into a tight hug.
“I introduced her to Krem. I am sure she will be happier as well, seeing as I’ve stopped sleeping around for a while now.” Bull said with a light laugh. “So, ” Bull added, “do you want to go out on a date with me?” Lavellan laughed, bright and warm for a little while, until he sighed and hugged Bull back.
“Why are you so insistent?” Lavellan finally asked, barely a whisper. Bull’s chest tightned when he felt what could only be tears running down his chest.
“I want to help you. To give you what you need. You’ve helped me a lot after… after the Storm Coast, and I must say that I do find you attractive as well. I always have. You’re cute when flustered, kind and intelligent. Even if you could be a bit more assertive at times, I think, but we can work on that if you want.” Bull said, his smiled faltering somewhat at what he was going to say next. “However, I wasn’t kidding when I mentioned this was new territory for me. I might fuck this up hard, or it might not work out after a while. I just don’t want to hurt you.” Bull revealed. Lavellan looked up at him for the first time since Bull hugged him.
“I understand. This is new to me too, after all. I think it will be fine… if this doesn’t work out and we mutually see it, I mean. Whatever time we have together, I’m sure I’ll cherish it, but hopefully it will work out.... Only one way to find out, really.” Lavellan finally said, smiling again.
“Is that a yes I hear?” Bull teased, clearing the stray hairs that were in front of Lave- his kadan’s face.
Lavellan stepped away from Bull and pulled him down from the neck for a kiss, letting the gesture answer for him. Bull eagerly returned the kiss. It felt different, a heavier weight to it with no real build up for anything. There was no rush attached to it, to get on to whatever was going to happen next, and instead Bull spent his time savouring Lavellan. The feeling of his lips, the way his hands held him and the shivers that went through Lavellan has Bull trailed his spine with a hand.
After what could have been hours, Lavellan broke the kiss and, after another quick peck and a mischievous smile, stepped away from Bull towards the door to the battlements. “Dinner tomorrow?” he asked lightly, placing a hand on the door handle.
“You bet. Don’t be late.” Bull replied, watching Lavellan nod and slipping out of the room. He’d have to ask Josephine for some tips for the dinner, Bull thought as he tried to imagine her reaction and a way to avoid her making him wear a shirt.