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It was my sophomore year of college and I was on my own for the first time. The man who raised me had just been sent to prison thanks to the Skywalker family, who spent years exposing his crimes. Leaving me with nothing.
I was angry keeping my head down and diving into my studies because it was the only thing I could still control. Underneath it all, I was drowning in self-pity, wishing things had turned out differently.
The dreams started in the middle of midterms, of course they did.
I knew about soulmate dreams. I just never thought it would happen to me. It felt like an invasion and a distraction I didn’t ask for. I hated them.
But they kept coming, sharper and harder to ignore.
The night I saw his face, I woke up in horror.
Just my luck. My destined soulmate was a Skywalker.
I knew that meant he had to be close. I’d heard rumors he went to the same school, but I’d never seen him. And I had no interest in meeting him, unless it was to punch him for everything he and his family took from me.
But the more I resisted, the worse the dreams became. And I figured he was dreaming about me, too.
It was only a matter of time before he tried to find me.
~
In January 1992, he was in one of my classes. And of course, it wasn’t a lecture hall but a small room, where the professor encouraged group discussion and collaboration.
Wonderful.
When he first saw me, he immediately recognized me. If I had known, I would’ve changed my schedule or dyed my hair or something.
He smiled at me, I glared at him in return, then immediately turned away, determined not to interact with him or have any conversation. But that didn’t work out either.
This man had the audacity to sit next to me at the table, I wanted to move away, but the room was full, and there was nowhere else to go.
“I’m Luke Skywalker. It’s nice to meet you,” he said, with an annoying chipper tone and an even more annoying bright smile.
“Hello,” I said, determined to keep our interactions brief and impersonal.
“Have I seen you around before? What’s your name?” he asked, trying to sidestep the fact that we’d been seeing each other in dreams for weeks.
I didn’t give him the satisfaction. Just shook my head and stared straight ahead.
That was it for our conversation that day. But he kept sitting next to me. Even when I moved, he followed like he couldn’t take a hint.
He was too nice. It made me suspicious. Clearly he had some angle I hadn’t figured out yet.
I couldn’t let my guard down.
~
A few weeks into the semester, Professor Ar’alani just had the nerve to assign a partnered project, which meant we were stuck with whoever we sat next to.
“Looks like we’re working together,” Luke said, his obnoxious clear blue eyes staring me down.
“Great,” I said, which he acknowledged with a smile, clearly not hearing the sarcasm.
The more I tried to push him away, the worst the dreams got. I wasn’t about to ask how it was for him, but his desperation to get to know me was getting more and more apparent. I knew there was no escaping it so I became resigned to my fate.
“But you can’t come to my dorm. It’s girls only, no boys allowed except on second Tuesdays,” I said quickly, it wasn’t entirely true, male students were allowed in the common areas between 8 AM and 11 PM, but I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of knowing where I slept at all. No recon allowed.
“Oh, that’s alright,” he said, “I live off campus with my aunt, she won’t mind you coming over. She’s always happy to meet my friends.”
He actually thought we were friends? What a strange man I had the misfortune of dreaming about every night.
“It’ll be fun to get to know you better,” he pressed, further proving that he had not gotten the memo that I wasn’t interested yet.
“Don’t push your luck, Skywalker,” I muttered, I’m still not sure if he heard me or not, but for the rest of the class we didn’t talk. Before he left, he handed me a note with his address on it.
I was still simmering with irritation as I gathered my things when Professor Ar’alani called my name and asked me to stay behind.
I had no idea what she could want, but I waited, trying not to look impatient.
“I realize this isn’t elementary school,” she said, “but are you and Mr. Skywalker having trouble getting along?”
“With all due respect, ma’am, I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” I replied, already pulling my walls up.
She raised an eyebrow.
“Perhaps not,” she said, her gaze sharp and unreadable. “But this isn’t the kind of class where you can succeed without collaboration.”
“I can work with him. No one said we had to be friends.”
She smiled slightly.
“This is an ethics course. Maybe you can apply what we’ve covered to figure out how to work with someone you dislike.”
I nearly rolled my eyes. Why was she treating me like a child? I was being totally reasonable.
“Whatever your issues with Mr. Skywalker, you can’t let them interfere with your success.”
I didn’t respond right away. Just bit my tongue and glared. She stared right back, unfazed.
“Thank you for the advice, Professor,” I said, clipped, and turned to leave.
Just as I reached the door, she spoke again.
“When I had the dreams, I didn’t understand why the universe would pair me with a woman. The more I ignored them, the worse they got. When I finally let her in, I was at peace. Now she’s the best part of my life.”
My stomach dropped.
Maybe I was being silly. Maybe I had no right to be this angry, this afraid.
But that flicker of guilt vanished the second I got back to my room and remembered how alone the Skywalkers had left me.
I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
I couldn’t.
~
It was snowing. Everything was white, and I could feel the cold. I knew it was a dream, but it felt real enough to make me doubt myself.
I walked for what felt like hours. I was alone, freezing, and scared. Then, in the distance, I saw a figure. The only light and warmth in that endless snowy void surrounded him.
I wanted to run, but my legs wouldn’t move fast enough. He turned toward me. He was trying to reach me too, but the wind howled between us, pushing us apart.
And I realized it wasn’t the storm keeping me away. It was me. I was the one holding myself back.
The whispers started: He doesn’t deserve you. Then they shifted: You don’t deserve love.
It was my voice for a long time until it wasn’t.
It was his. Palpatine’s.
That’s when it hit me: he never cared about me. He only ever used me for how I could serve him. I’d spent so long being loyal to someone who didn’t care if I lived or died. I think I always knew that. But I couldn’t accept it.
But now that I was faced with someone who could love me, I was pushing him away.
Luke looked at me, pained and pleading like a man who lived a thousand lifetimes, his blonde hair blowing in the wind, his eyelashes covered in ice.
“Please. Just give me a chance.”
And in that moment, I finally did.
I woke up dizzy, sweating. I didn’t want to give in, not really. But I knew it was time.
Time to swallow my pride.
Time to stop holding on so tightly to my bitterness.
Time to stop being such a bitch.
~
That afternoon, I walked up to his aunt’s house and knocked on the door.
Less than a minute later, the door opened, and a woman stood there, one who looked nothing like Luke. Her skin was deep brown, her hair in striking braids of blue and white. She wore a flowing maroon and charcoal dress and looked like some strange hybrid between Stevie Wonder and Stevie Nicks. Except her name wasn’t Stevie. It was Ahsoka Tano.
The only resemblance to Luke was in her light eyes that sparkled when they landed on me.
“You must be the girl from the dreams,” she said in a light voice, “Luke said you’d show up eventually. Come in, I’ll give you a nice place where you can sit and glare at him.”
For a second, I considered the merits of sprinting into the woods, never to be z again. But instead, I swallowed my pride and followed her into the house.
As promised, she showed me to a seat and went to get Luke from his room. He came out a moment later, arms full of papers and textbooks.
Even though he knew I was there, he still looked surprised when he saw me. That stunned expression quickly melted into a bright smile.
“Hi. I’m so glad you came.”
“Well, it’s a mandatory group assignment,” I said.
“I know, but that’s not exactly what I meant.”
“Well, I have no idea what else we’d possibly be talking to each other for. There’s no other reason we’d interact, is there?”
“Oh, come on, Mara,” he said, his voice dropping slightly, his smile fading. “We don’t have to talk about it, but could you at least stop pretending you have no idea what’s going on between us?”
I held my tongue, still unwilling to acknowledge him as anything more than what I wanted him to be.
“I’m not asking to be best friends or anything else. I just want you to stop being—”
“A bitch?”
“I was going to say standoffish.”
I kept my mouth shut, opened the book to the marked page, and started to read.
“I’m really starting to hate this Kant guy,” I muttered.
Luke laughed. “Yeah, moral duty sounds nice in theory, but I think choice matters more. Don’t you?”
“What if I don’t want to choose the things I’m supposed to?”
“I think that’s okay,” he said, more gently now. “But maybe don’t fight it so hard that you end up hurting yourself, and everyone else, along the way.”
I looked at him for a long moment, thinking about more than I wanted to admit. Then I sighed, a little defeated.
“Fine. Maybe it wouldn’t be so terrible to have actual conversations with you. Without being… standoffish.”
“That’s all I’m asking for.”
~
Rey looked at Mara from where she sat. She was still frustrated. Still hated the dreams. Still hated the idea of being told who she was meant to love.
But maybe… maybe she was being a little silly. Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the galaxy to give that person a chance.
“Remember,” Mara said gently, “you don’t have to get married tomorrow. Just try not to be—”
“Standoffish?” Rey asked.
“I was going to say a bitch,” Mara said with a smirk.
Rey laughed for the first time in weeks. The sound surprised her a little.
After a moment, Rey leaned back in her chair. “I still don’t know if I want any of it.”
“You don’t have to know,” Mara said. “Just be open enough to find out.”
Rey nodded slowly. “I think I can do that.”
“Good. That’s where it starts.”
They sat in silence for a moment, the weight on Rey’s chest easing just a little. She allowed herself to accept that maybe dreaming about someone wasn’t the end of her life.
Maybe she was ready to stop running from it and face the future with an open heart and mind.