Chapter Text
"HHAAAAHSHHHHHGGGHHHDUUUUUAHHHGHGGHHHJJKJKKJJHJSJJAJJJJJJS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Matpat screams as he slowly expels the living being he's been marinating inside of him for 10 months. Once it has been expelled, he looks down at the eight-legged DJ thing that just came from inside of him.
"MUSIC MAN" He yells after a beat of silence.
Another moment of silence passes before Matt's eyes drift off to the ceiling, the bright lights blurring his vision slightly as he processes that his last moments will be spent watching this eight-legged DJ thing he just gave birth to.
"hhhhhhhhhhhhhhgahhhaaaahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaajshaassssssaa..."
The doctor who was watching all of this happen stares down at the now deceased Matpat in confusion before processing that a man just gave birth and died in his hospital. Unfortunately, as soon as he realized, the wall collapsed revealing 7 strange people(?) posing dramatically, almost like they thought they were in an anime.
“My wall…” The doctor muttered, continuing to stare at the strange figures in the newfound doorway.
“Good Lord! Why has he died?!” the very looming floating telephone in the middle of the 7 figures exclaimed loudly.
“I’m gonna retire early…” the doctor responded as he walked out of the original doorway.
“Coward!!” the very short and slightly bear looking figure shouted at the doctor.
Another pause takes place as the 7 figures realize who's there with them.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH he's died!” THe short bear exclaims in shock after looking at the very dead Matpat.
“sHIT UP!” The telephone shouts at the short bear.
“Why are you all here? My beautiful wife Matpat just died and I want to say goodbye to him alone” the mustard man bitch announces.
“YOUR beautiful wife? Matpat was MY beautiful wife!” the short bear shouts.
“No, he was MY beautiful wife!” the absolute burn victim interjects.
“Oh my god….. He was having multiple affairs?!?!?!” the slightly toasty burn victim exclaims.
“If that's the case….whose child is that?” the future burn victim asks as he gestures to the unattended spider child left sitting on a dead man.
The seven figures all look at the child and begin to realize none of them look like it.
“I look the most like it!!!” the short bear announces after a moment of contemplation among the group. “It's my child, clearly”
“You look nothing like it! None of us do!” The piss rabbit finally speaks up after saying nothing for the past 20 minutes.
The short bear glares at the piss rabbit but says nothing in response.
Everyone continues silently debating what to do with the child of unknown origins. After several more minutes of complete silence and many lost staring contests, the mustard man bitch speaks up once again.
“Well, there's only one thing we really can do now.”
“Leave for milk before we can get attached?” the default burn victim asks.
“No, we take care of the child poorly all together and find out who the one true father is!”
The other 6 possible fathers look at the mustard man bitch like he just assassinated the president. Nobody says anything, it's clear nobody wants to go along with the plan.
A week later, 7 possible fathers are living together looking after a child belonging to one of them.