Work Text:
It’s been almost two years since the day they escaped from Gracefield Farm, a lot of things have happened and many more have changed. Especially for Ray, who used to view himself as an abomination that shouldn’t even be allowed to exist since the beginning. But Emma and Norman had saved him from the darkness, given him purposes, and opened his eyes to what living actually meant.
He had sworn to himself to live in order to protect Emma and his family of wonderful children who he once intended to leave behind. That was the least he could do to repent for all the sins, the crimes he had committed in the past ( It would have been meaningless even if he tried to do something, anything at all. The deaths of his family members were almost definitely inevitable. He knows, because back then, he was nothing but a cattle at Mama’s mercy. But that doesn't wash away the painfully red blood on his hands, and it shouldn’t ease any guilt weighing heavily in his heart ). The ghosts of the past and present still haunt him every night, but he has learned to endure.
Ray needs to stay strong.
Yet, when their family and all the children from Lambda Farm were kidnapped by Peter Ratri, being taken to nowhere other than Gracefield Orphanage - their old home, Ray cannot contain the complexity of bursting emotions flash across his features. Emotions he cannot name.
“What’s wrong, Ray?” Of course, Emma has to notice.
“It’s nothing,” he replies curtly, ignoring the all-knowing gaze Norman gives him.
Neither of them tries to push him any further.
The closer they get to their destination, the stronger the plethora of old, familiar emotions seize him. Ray, for the sake of his life, can’t even fathom what each of these feelings is - only that they burn him hot, they freeze him cold and leave him suffocated the moment he lets his guard down. For the two days of their journey, he barely got any sleep. Memories suddenly became too vividly real in his dreams, making him shudder in fear like a six-year-old all over again.
Finally getting through the immense forest, before their eyes is the enormous hexagonal structure situated on a lone flat surface surrounded by deep chasm. A large camp is set just on the verge of the cliff on this side, full of monsters of the royal army, which means good. Their team is obviously outnumbered still, but there is a chance for them.
So the final battle to freedom commences.
Ray, Emma, Norman form a group, heading straight to one of a shipment delivery room where some of the kids have just been taken to. They have the metal door exploded with gunfire power, and find Nat along with the other desperately shaking.
"Everyone, come on!" Emma shouts for them. Hopes flare up in their teary eyes as they act on practiced instinct and come running.
But Norman halts beside Ray while making sure all the children have gotten out, his sky blue eyes gaze upward, momentarily stunned. Emma follows his example shortly, seeming visibly shocked as her green orbs widen. Ray wonders for that split half of a second to what can possibly strike them so hard. Tilting up, understanding dawns upon him.
Isabella.
Their Mama.
Alive and standing tall, looking at them passively. A small smile appears on her lips as she processes the situation.
Norman and Emma tear their eyes away, resolved to not delve in the past but focus on their mission at hand. Ray, however, is frozen in place, millions of thoughts race through his brains in a matter of nanosecond into nothingness; it gets a nudge from Norman on his way out to shake Ray out of his trance, moving on auto pilot. His heart squeezes and his stomach churns as a terrifying realization dawns upon him - he’s been missing her.
Ray has never been one of emotional impulses, always keeping a cool head and tactical mind, personal feelings set aside ( buried deep ). No matter how painful it makes him feel, he sucks it up and wills himself to focus on his tasks at hand, sparing no thought at all at the bubbling useless questions ( does Mama miss me? Miss any of us? Does she ever see me as her son? ) and the inexplicable yearning to call out to her ( Mama, mother, mom- ) and the urge to run up to her like a little child seeking… something.
Everything happens so fast afterwards, his mind barely able to keep up with all the events. Adrenaline pumps through his veins, keeping him on his feet as he shouts and fights alongside his family, for their own freedom.
Mama Isabella, their Mama ( his mother ), is there, too, as cold and ruthless as he remembers. Her smile is just as deceptively sweet, a honeyed trap, and she stands just as confidently. Air traps inside his lungs as a plethora of feelings surge ahead like a tsunami crashing unto him. All-encompassing, conflicting, confusing, complicated - Ray finds himself struggling to breath, but still, not losing focus. Never losing focus. He can't afford it. If he loses concentration now, Ray's afraid he can never get up again.
Then, then , Mama Isabella does the unexpected - she turns on the enemy and fights for the children; she along with the other Mama's. Heart clenches and thrums, and even though doubts plaguing his insides, the childish hope and excitement flickers to life at the thought of Mama does truly love them.
When she falls protecting Emma and the kids from the monster, Ray thinks the cracking part of him finally breaks. Time suddenly halts to a stop, and he can only watch as the children sob and cry and Mama is saying something to them, to a shaking-in-tears Emma. He can't hear a word. Everything is so deadly quiet - his heart, his mind, the world. He can't breathe.
Mama is probably saying her goodbyes, her grey eyes shining with a sheen of wetness and warm with sincerity as she looks over all of her children. She seems proud. Content. But not a single hint of pain or weaknesses.
Until they meet his similar grey ones.
Her gaze wavers, just a little, morphing into a silent melancholic apology. It looks like she wants to tell him something; or is it him desperately wanting to hear something from her?
Either way, it spurs him into action - Ray pushes his way forward through the crowded children, as gently as his clouded mind is able to, and stops just behind Emma who is crouching by Mama's side. And he clenches his fists, and he opens his mouth, and he hears his voice strained and sounded like it might just break, and he still can't breath right, but the words tumble out nonetheless, accusing and too shrill for his liking.
“Don't kid with me! You- you have done everything in order to survive until now. So, don’t you fucking dare die now. Not now, after every fucking thing-" Ray chokes.
“Ray," Emma looks back at him, eyes watery, but he doesn't pay attention to her. He sees nothing else but the image of the once formidable woman lying fragile on the ground, blood oozing out of her stomach wound. It's so strange watching Mama like this, so human and utterly vulnerable. Ray isn't used to this. He doesn't think he ever wants to get used to this.
The Mama in his memory has always been terrifying, invincible. And the Mother in his dreams has been kind and warm, but always unattainable.
"Ray," another voice calls, gentle and genuine like in his imagination. His gaze focuses back into reality, onto Isabella, whose lips form a trembling smile. "I'm sorry."
It doesn't help. It doesn't make any sense. This shouldn't be real.
But it is.
The seemingly endless fight is coming to an end. The children are all safe. They are going to return to the human world. And Isabella is dying.
"Hell no," hands curling and uncurling, head shaking in disbelief, Ray takes a step back. "Don't you say sorry to me now. This- I- no-"
“Ray,” Isabella chokes on her breath, face contorted in pain. “I’m s-so proud to have you as my son." Her speech slows down, voice weakens- " I-I’m truly happy to have the chance to raise you myself, despite everything. I’m sorry, Ray, I’m so sorry. I love you dearly. I always have…” and the faint whispering fades out completely as Isabella's eyes flutter closed.
A scream so loud it is deafening in his ears. Ray doesn't know whether the scream is in reality or in his mind. Legs tremble, he tumbles, then falls. "... No, you can't… You can't…"
He reaches for her, arms shaking, too terrified to touch.
No, no… he still hasn’t said what he wants to say—
His heart aches and his insides torn apart.
Please—
He feels his eyes stung with unshed tears.
But he bites his lips and swallows it all down. He needs to stay strong, until after everything ( perhaps until never ).
And so Ray, along with Emma, Norman and the children, leave the Promised Neverland - leaving the past ( a part of his soul ), their Mama ( his Mother, whom he never truly understands and never gets the chance to ), and the home they grew up in ( the memories, childish dreams and yearnings that go with it ) behind - with heavy, heavy hearts but unwavering hope for a better future. There will be difficulties, but no hardships can they not overcome together, and everything will be alright ( but he will never be whole again ).
-End-