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“Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce you to Christopher McQuarrie, director of the year, McQ,” Tom says and watches Chris enter the stage, watches him wave to the audience, watches him as they are only a few steps away from each other and their eyes lock.
Tom holds out the award to hand it to Chris but he doesn't even blink at it. Instead, he smoothly grabs the award without looking and keeps his eyes fixed on Tom. Their hands touch for what doesn't even feel like a second but Chris' warmth spreads all through Tom's body nonetheless.
He needs Chris' touch. He's craving it. They haven't had that much time together lately and if so time for themselves, for their relationship, had been scarce and then Tom had gotten the sad news about the passing of Val and no, there hadn't been much contact lately but yes, they had been friends and nobody wants to mourn a friend in public or at all but at the same time it hadn’t been a question that Tom would show up here today to honor Chris. Of course, he would. He could have cancelled. He was even offered the chance to cancel on that short notice but he didn't. He wanted to honor Chris, let the world see just a tiny bit of the love he has for him, and also showing up here was his chance to get an additional day of being with Chris despite being busy making a film without him for once.
So long story short, he's craving Chris’ touch right now. Very much so. He can't hold it back and he doesn't have to because next thing he knows they're tightly hugging and holding each other.
“Thank you, my love,” Chris mumbles as he's hugging him tighter and Tom closes his eyes while trying to breathe away the tears that threaten to fill his eyes. “Thank you.”
Tom doesn't say anything, unable to do so, just nestles his chin against Chris' shoulder and hugs him closer. So close and with so much force that they almost stumble but he doesn't care. He knows Chris can hold them both in place. He doesn't care what it looks like either. Nobody cares about it anyway. Hug a man on stage like your life depended on it? No questions asked. Tell the world that you love this man, more than once, on several occasions? Best friends, brothers, soulmates. He doesn't disagree with the soulmates part though. It's cute and very much true. But don't you dare meet up twice within two months with a woman. And your agent. And her agent. And not that Ana is any woman. She's a good friend and a great actress with a lot of dedication to the business. But still, it's ridiculous. Then again, maybe it's good that they can do this, hug like this, and nobody bats an eye.
“I love you,” Chris whispers. “I love you so much. Thank you, honey. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Yes, maybe it's even kind of nice that they can be so close in public and nobody cares. But sometimes he just wants to kiss Chris and can't or wonders what it would be like walking any red carpet holding Chris' hand. That would be nice. No secretly stealing touches anymore. He knows Chris would like that too. The number of times they both have held themselves back from just grabbing the other one's hand in public are countless by now. Maybe someday they can be together in public. That would be nice. Maybe he should approach this like everything else, make a list with each step and then just… execute it. Maybe…
“Tom, you need to let go,” Chris reminds him but still holds him as tightly as before. He's missed him, too. No question.
Tom just grumbles out a response. He doesn't want to let go, just a few more seconds, please.
“C’mon, honey, we can cuddle later,” Chris presses on.
But can they really? They both have places to be that aren't necessarily the same places at the moment.
“I'll make sure of it,” Chris adds as if having read Tom's mind.
Tom decides to trust him because he always does and then releases his director, best friend, soulmate, love of his life from the hug.
“Thank you,” Tom nods.
They let go of each other and Tom retreats to the side of the stage while Chris takes his place behind the speaker's desk.
“Tom knows I really cannot stand compliments. He's enjoying this immensely,” he says which earns him a laugh from the audience.
“Yes, I am,” Tom agrees with equal good humor because it's true and because Chris never fails to make him smile again no matter what.
–
“You have been thinking about us coming out again, haven't you?” Chris asks while they are cuddling on the bed in Chris' hotel room because he actually made it work.
Tom had been scheduled to fly back to the UK immediately after the award ceremony to get on set with Iñárritu again. But Chris went out of his way and managed to convince everyone that it would make much more sense if they flew back together tomorrow. Apparently nobody asked why exactly that would make more sense and so now they are wrapped in each other's arms, barely dressed and Chris is mindlessly playing with the soft locks in Tom's neck while asking that one question that has been running through Tom's mind quite often lately.
“How do you know?” Tom asks, lifting his head from Chris' chest and propping himself on one elbow to properly look at him and make it easier for Chris to understand what he's saying.
“I know you,” Chris points out. “You’ve always been wearing your heart on your sleeve and I can see how much it hurts you to bite back all the time.”
Tom nods, contemplating. Chris is right but he's been at a point where he'd been too open about his private life. It didn't do him any good. He doesn't want to go there again. And most importantly, he doesn't want to endanger Chris' career just because he can't keep his feelings together.
“Have you made a list already?” Chris pulls him out of his thoughts again.
Tom shakes his head. He has thought about it but it's always been too far off a thought to actually think about it in all seriousness.
“Then go for it,” Chris encourages him, rubbing his back.
Tom shakes his head again and feels his eyes tearing up. “I don't want to risk any of our careers.”
“Making a list won't hurt anybody,” Chris replies. He softly threads his fingers into the hair on the back of Tom's head before pulling him down for a gentle kiss.
Tom tries to let himself relax into the kiss but it just won't work. He shakes his head again, a few stray tears now trickling down his cheeks. “I don't know. It's a stupid idea.”
“It's not, Tom. We're in this together, you, me and Heather. We'll find a way,” Chris insists, thumbing away his tears. “Trust me.”
Tom nods slowly, trying to convince himself that Chris is right. That they'll find a way. That Chris and Heather won't leave him if times get rougher again. That they'll be there, no matter what. Tom sighs, then nods again.
“And until then, we just keep doing what we're doing now. I know it's not as good as holding hands…” Chris takes the hand from Tom's cheek to thread their fingers together, then places a kiss on the back of Tom's hand, “... or stealing kisses from you…” Chris kisses his cheek. Then tickles his jaw and neck with the bristles of his beard and Tom has to chuckle. “... but we can still hug… and whisper sweet nothings to each other… I can still take photos of you… only condition that we keep making movies together.”
Chris smiles softly, then pulls him in for another kiss and Tom melts.
“Shouldn't be a problem,” he mumbles into the kiss. He isn't sure if Chris can hear him but he doesn't seem to mind and so Tom doesn't mind, either. They just keep on kissing. Chris reminds them at some point that they should maybe get some sleep but doesn't stop kissing him. Tom doesn't either and after another half-hearted attempt by Chris to go to sleep, they simply settle for sleeping during their flight back tomorrow.
And yeah, hiding in plain sight is just a temporary compromise but as long as it means he gets to have Chris like this, it's okay. It really is. At least for now.