Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A painful pop. I’ve been told that’s how my ears should feel. Painful popping. There was popping, absolutely, but it wasn’t painful.

I’ve never been on a plane before- I’ve never went anywhere before. This was my first time experiencing the pros and cons of traveling, though the pros certainly outweighed the latter. It was all a blur to me, though in the moment it seemed like something I’d remember forever. An acceptance letter to my dream university, the joyful crying of my grandparents, that oddly soothing gap of time before my awaited flight months away, the night I packed, the day I said my farewells, the exhilaration of an airport’s rush hour, and now, the flight.

It was fun in idea, but in practice it was somewhat exhausting. I don’t mean exhausting as in stress induced but, tiring, boring, unfulfilling, etc. At first I was happy, thinking about traveling. I’ve been secluded all my life, too afraid to do anything with myself because I simply wasn’t good enough; too afraid to experience, too afraid to initiate, too afraid to live. There were times when I tried, when I attempted to escape that unfortunate bitter loneliness, but it was so difficult. I’ve gotten better with it though. I’m much happier than I was years ago, but that feeling still continued to linger, it still festered inside me. Even getting my first book published two years back wasn’t enough to pull me out of this hell hole. My will to do anything was in a constant battle against my will to give up. But today, I was having none of that.

I was flying coach, the seat beneath me was leathery yet somewhat comfortable. I had the pleasure of lucking myself a window seat without discomfort. Just two, small elderly women beside me, leaning into each other instead of myself. They held hands, talking quietly to each other about random topics such as a new tv show they started watching or what exciting things they get to experience together in Japan. Apparently they’ve recently gotten married and were going to Japan for their honeymoon. I could’ve been reviewing my landing plan I had written down on my smartphone than eavesdrop on these elderly women, but they were cute, I couldn’t help it. The wedding must’ve been adorable. Two sweet little old ladies in their wedding gowns, about to get married. I could only imagine them cutting their cake together and dancing with one another. That must’ve been so sweet.

I looked out my window, trying to distract myself from delving any further into their conversations, I didn’t want to be rude. I crossed my legs as I looked over the landscape before me. It was the usual airport setup; lanes, blinking lights, luggage, employees running around. It was pretty late at night, about 10pm. Since my flight would be 12 hours or so I’d be arriving in Japan at around the same time it was now. Fun.

The plane was to set off in a few more minutes, so the other patrons of the flight were either eagerly awaiting for takeoff or trying to accomplish several other things they could’ve done before last minute, such as bathroom usage, shoving unreasonable amounts of luggage into the overhead compartment, or even still trying to find their seats. The noises could’ve almost been unbearable if it weren’t for my stunning patience. Despite all the commotion, the plane was surprisingly nice. It was clean, seemingly, the color scheme was the usual blue and white, the little tvs were splotch free, and the plane didn’t smell like hot garbage as my grandmother said it would. Everything seemed to be going pretty well for me to my surprise.

I continued to stare outside, daydreaming as I waited for my flight to start. I wondered if I would enjoy Japan. People always make such a big deal out of going there, is it really that great? I’ve seen plenty of things online of what Japan had in store for me, specifically things I’d get to experience in Tokyo; but I felt uneasy about it. Yeah, everything seemed interesting and fun, like historical sites, cafes, restaurants, museums, clothing stores, etc. But would I be happy?

The answer hit me like a brick.

Of course I would be. I was in a different country, miles away from my home one, miles away from…them. I was going to enjoy myself, I was going to be myself. This certain surge of excitement began to rush through me as this thought crossed my mind. I was going to make so many friends, I was going to have the time of my life! I was ready to jump out of my seat and pilot this plane to Tokyo myself if this took any longer. But before I knew it, the flight officially began.

Cue the informational flight video, boys.

______

Painful popping, as I mentioned before, I felt none of it. The flight down was hell for everyone but myself, and I had never been on a plane before. You could practically hear the groans and whimpers that people tried to suppress because there were so many trying to do just that. I even levitated off my seat for some time before we landed; it was really cool. The only unfortunate thing I experienced on that flight was the twelve hours of sitting. My ass was sore as fuck. I did use the restroom a few times and even stood to stretch my legs at one point, but fuck, that was agonizing. Painful popping? The most I got were a few pops in my eardrums here and there, but pain? Talk to my ass about pain, pal. As soon as the patrons and I were allowed to leave the plane I almost bolted. It was pure bliss being able to move again. I even skipped my way through the airport, waving and smiling to everyone. I must’ve looked like a dumbass, but a cute dumbass. I looked exactly like a tourist in that airport; smiling non-stop, buying everything and anything from the several unique vending machines in the airport, taking hundreds of pictures of the pretty scenery outside that awaited for me behind those huge glass walls, running across the moving walkways so I could be #superfast, practically jumping as I waited for my luggage by the pickup, hell, the only touristy thing I haven’t done was buy a t-shirt that says “I <3 Tokyo”.

I did get lost for a while during my Tokyo airport adventures, but I eventually found my way out. My university was even nice enough to send a chauffeur over to my airport so they could drive me to my house. And by my house I meant my grandparents vacation home. It was around the less ‘eventful’ part of Tokyo, if I recalled correctly. I couldn’t quite remember if it was around the suburbs or directly around the city area. Why they never took me to Tokyo before, I wasn’t sure. But they sure as hell had the money to take me considering they owned a second fucking house, thanks. But the talk with my chauffeur was nice. He even came up to me to say hello the second I walked outside. He was a nice dude. He was even kind enough to help me out with my Japanese pronunciation since I wasn’t exactly fluent, but I was pretty fucking decent.

“So, sheri, right?”

“No no, shiri. Roll your tongue a little too once you reach that ‘ri’ part.”

“Can you repeat that?” I asked him, peering over at his focused face as he drove. I could see the corners of his lips perk up into a smile.

“Like this.” He spoke at a slower pace, rolling his r slightly as he said the word ‘ass’ in Japanese.

“Ah, shiri!” I repeated confidently, raising my arms in a victory pose. Just as I performed the action the car jumped as it went over a depression in the road. I swung from right to left, laughing as I did so. The car I currently sat in was pretty nice, smooth black leather seats, freshly washed windows, and a cool dude chauffeuring me. I could hear my luggage in the trunk jump up with the two of us as we went over the depression, even my backpack and duffel bag that sat next to me joined the rest of us in the fun.

It was a gorgeous night. The bright, colorful lights that shone through the glass windows of the car gently caressed my skin, mimicking stained glass. It blended beautifully against the dark contrast of the unlit places in the vehicle. I felt like a work of art, as if I was in a movie. It was the only light available in the car and out among the streets. It was hard to see the stars, due to the atmosphere of Tokyo; too many unnatural lights. Tokyo was incredible, despite all the noise of bustling people and intense traffic. Though, now that I think about it, I haven’t seen that much of Tokyo yet, only this specific cityscape. I knew there was so much more to experience, and I knew I was going to adore it. I was brought back out of my thoughts by the laughter of my chauffeur.

“You got it! Nice job!” He congratulated me. “Now you can tell people to kiss your ass.” I closed my eyes contentedly, folding my hands together as if I was about to partake in prayer.

“This is truly a blessing, thank you.” I spoke, trying to keep a straight face.

“No problem, kid.” He grinned, continuing to drive. “Vaccines?”

“Got ‘em.” I tapped my arms proudly with my fingertips.

“Suitcases?”

“You helped me put them in the trunk, dude.”

“Keys to your house?”

“Yep.”

“Wallet?”

“Mhm-Hm.”

“The body?”

“Absolutely.”

“You seem pretty prepared, good on you.”

“Thank you!” I smiled, folding my arms as I looked out into the cityscape once more. Though, it was different than what I’ve seen before. As the chauffer kept getting closer and closer to my house, the lights kept dimming and dimming, and the people kept reducing until there was no one to be seen outside. I could no longer hear the bustle of city life, but the calm autumn winds of what might’ve been the suburbs. My skin was no longer highlighted by various bright colors but by the gentle glow of moonlight. I thought we would be driving for at least another twenty minutes, but the vehicle came to a complete stop in just five.

The ordeal went faster than I had expected; the chauffeur and I exited the car, unloaded my two suitcases from the trunk, said my thank you and shared goodbyes, and then watched as the car began to drive off into the unknown, leaving me alone.

I turned to face the house I’d be staying in for some time. It looked just like every other house on this block; slanted roof, sliding doors, a little balcony on the second floor, and a lot of potential. I looked up towards the sky, the cool night winds gently pecking my bare skin and allowing my peacoat to flow ever so slightly with the wind’s current. The stars I couldn’t make out before were scattered over the black sky like glitter on craft paper. I could make out a few constellations that laid across the abyss above me. I felt my eyes go wide at the sight.

God, I get to see this every night? For four years? I felt my chest grow warm with excitement, my stomach churning as I pulled a chain of keys from my backpack’s front pocket. On my second try, I discovered the correct key, unlocking the door. But, before I could even open it, I heard the sound of shattering glass and a heavy thud.

I whipped around, seeing glass splayed across the street and light illuminating the shards. The light emanated from the house across from mine, a window on the second floor totally shattered. Screams, banging, slapping of skin, and shattering of objects could be heard from the gaping window. But what stood out the most was the blue hooded body that lay limp across the potential crime scene.

Whoa.

Is this guy dead?

Holy shit???

I can’t decide whether I want to take a picture or call the police.

Before I could whip out my phone to take a sweet pic for gma the body began to move, slowly but like, y’know, alive-y? Christ, how the fuck is he alive?

He got up rather slowly, but as soon as this dude stood he quickly bolted back into the house, yelling incoherent sentences and a shit ton of profanities. This dude was fucking decked out on the street and he gets up like a fucking champ; respect.

I turned back around, opening my front door as if I hadn’t just seen some dude get thrown out a window. As soon as the door was open, I slung my backpack and duffel bag over my shoulder and picked up my two suitcases. I walked inside the house, sliding the door behind me shut with my foot. I could still hear, very clearly, the brawl from across the street. But hey, quirky neighbors amirite? I gotta bring some kind of spice into my life.

I placed my luggage in the front hallway, too tired to care. I’ll unpack tomorrow, I don’t even start classes until next week. I could take my time this week to do some grocery shopping and clothes shopping my grandparents urged me to do. They even offered to lend money to me when I needed it, along with that cash money I was earning from my book royalties. My grandparents were way too nice to me, but, they claimed I deserved it. They say I’m a good kid.

I walked into the room ahead of the front door, a nice round table in the center of the room, as well as beautiful cream colored walls and green flooring. It wasn’t particularly my style, but I’d soon get used to this place. Rub my influence off on it and all that jazz. I guess every house on the block looked like this from the inside, considering the majority of these houses looked almost exactly the same. But that’ll change. I’m gonna make this house a home.

I took off my peacoat and threw it aside, dropping to my knees and then to my stomach. I laid sprawled out on the floor, closing my eyes with a sigh. The room was a little chilly, dark, and pretty noisy thanks to the neighbors, but it was soothing enough to induce slumber. I was too tired to tell the difference between a soft bed and a hard cold floor. I’d sleep on either though, not gonna lie.

The world around me grew fainter as I attempted to drift off, though the sounds of impending mortal kombat were still very clear. I felt my lips twitch into a smile.

“Win for me window man.”

Chapter Text

I woke up in an instant. I’ve never woken up like that before. My eyes just shot open as if I had a dream that gave me the answer to a plot furthering question. It was weird. Maybe it was due to the soft knocking at my front door. Just knocking. It sounded much louder than it probably intended, mostly because my house was pretty vacant so there was an apparent echo. I didn't think anyone knew I was here yet. It had to be someone from the university right?

I gave a long yawn, picking myself up off the floor I allowed myself to sleep on last night. I stood up on my feet, a little out of it at first but I quickly regained my balance. The once dark, chilly room was now lit up with light gleaming from the few open windows in the front hall. It was still a little cold, but the light that found its way onto my back was nice and warm. It must’ve been a nice day outside.

I began to stumble towards the front door, taking out my phone from my back pocket to check the time. 3:03 pm. Damn. I wasn't gonna lie, I expected to be passed out way longer. I was just lucky no one tried to kill me in my sleep or try to steal my things since I forgot to lock the front door. I didn’t have any missed phone calls from my grandparents either. It was probably way too early for them, but I’ll call them later tonight to tell them I made it to Japan safe and sound. Right now, I had a door to answer.

I approached my front door, putting on a tired, yet genuine smile before opening it. As soon as I saw who was on the other side, my weak smile began to curl up into a brighter one.

She was absolutely adorable. She was a little shorter than me, only a little, and she had the sweetest look on her face.

She was an older woman, pretty silver hair tied into a tight bun, big circle framed glasses that sat nicely on the bridge of her button nose, and wore a pastel yellow cardigan. As soon as we were faced with each other she leaned forward, studying my face. She seemed happy to begin with, but as soon as she began to look over me she practically radiated happiness.

“Ah! You're the new neighbor, right? I’m Matsuno Matsuyo.” She brimmed with this certain joy I couldn't quite identify. She seemed pretty excited to see me, as if we were close friends.

“Yep, that’d be me. My name’s [Name].” I nodded, giving a little yawn. “Is there something I can help you with?” As soon as I uttered this question Matsuyo gave an eager nod.

“Oh! Yes, actually. I noticed your arrival last night, but I thought I'd be best to come and welcome you to the neighborhood when it wasn't so late.”

“Thank you very much but, I'm so sorry. Did I wake you up by chance?” I blinked, flattered but concerned. Was she really up that late? This elderly woman?

“No no, you didn't, don't worry! I was already awake to begin with.” She assured me, that bright smile still spread across her face. Already awake? Did window man wake her up? Who didn't wake up honestly. I felt bad for that whole neighborhood.

“Ah, I see. I'm glad I didn't inconvenience you.” I leaned against the doorway, getting a little more comfortable since I assumed we’d be talking for a bit longer.

“Well, not only did I want to welcome you to the neighborhood, but my husband and I wanted to invite you over for dinner!” Matsuyo stated, her eyes continuing to study me as she spoke. What was she looking for exactly?

“I’m sorry?” I asked, a bit surprised. “Dinner?”

“Yes, of course!” She placed her hands on her hips, still smiling uncontrollably. “Would you like to come over for dinner and marry one of my sons?”

“Repeat that?”

“Would you like to come over for dinner?”

Whoa. This woman didn't even looked phased. She just totally played it off!

“They cute?”

“Hm?”

“Your sons? Are they cute though?”

“We usually eat dinner around 7! Do you think you could come?”

Holy shit. This chick was low key savage.

“Well,” I pondered for a moment, considering my activities for the day. All I really had time to do today was unpack. I don't think it would hurt to come over, but...should I really go? Before I could give Matsuyo an answer she spoke up again.

“It's alright if you don’t want to come! I'll make a little extra food just in case you change your mind.” She calmed down a bit, not looking as overly ecstatic as she did before. “We live just across the street. I hope we’ll get to see you tonight, [Name]!” She said before turning to leave. I watched Matsuyo as she casually walked over the broken glass from last night, not seeming to be phased by it. She then calmly continued forward into the house with the broken window on the second floor.

My mouth was agape in horror.

Holy fuck dude.

She lives with window man??? God I was so tempted to go now…

I had to meet window man and his boy toys.

I looked up at the broken window, attempting to listen closely for any noises or voices; but nothing. The once noisy room was now reduced to silence. Fight Club must’ve ended this morning or at some point last night. I gave a shrug and returned to the inside of my house. I shut my front door, not bothering to lock it since I was awake. I figured I should start unpacking my things while I consider Matsuyo’s invitation.

I picked up my things from the hallway and began to walk down the dimly lit corridor. There was still light emanating from the windows so I didn’t bother to turn on any lights. I found myself at a steep staircase leading upstairs, so I thought to myself, fuck it I’m going all in. Without making a second trip I pulled all my shit upstairs, chucking my bags down the second floor’s hall. I stood proudly on the top stair, looking down the short hall. There were three rooms in all. I took a walk down the hall, taking notice of the restroom to the right and some sort of living room to left. There was a beige couch amongst a few other things like a small glass table and book shelves filled with novels; I might have to take advantage of this cute room for my writing. The little balcony was in this room too. I could totally open those doors up for some nice fresh air or go out onto the little deck and drink tea like a cute little elderly person. At the end of the hall though was the main bedroom, so I decided to haul my things in.

The main bedroom was pretty cute too, it had those same cream colored walls but the flooring was a waxed wood instead of the green flooring downstairs. The bed was a decent size, big enough for maybe three people I’d say. It was even adorned with bright blue sheets and pillows. The two windows that sat on either side of the bed failed to decorate the room with light since the curtains were closed. The room was pretty vacant; closet full of hangers, a simple dresser, and a full body length mirror in one of the corners of the room.

I placed one by one my two suitcases onto the mattress, opening them up to unpack the clothing inside them amongst some other objects I needed. Like deodorant, a hairbrush, shampoo, toothbrush, etc. It took some time, but eventually everything was hung up or folded nicely in the closet. I began to unpack my backpack and duffel bag containing items I might’ve needed to feel less lonely. I brought along things with me like a handheld gaming device, a few books, my laptop, and the latter. I laid my things out onto the dresser, then picking up my empty luggage and sliding them onto the closet’s floor.

By this time it was around 5 pm. I didn’t think I would get done unpacking so quickly yet here I am. I decided to take this extra time to explore the rest of the house. I began to leave my room, inhaling as I stretched out my arms over my head. Then it hit me.

“Euhh, I smell like the inside of my asshole…!”

Maybe I’ll take a shower too.

______

6:50 pm. I’ve been pacing the corridor near my front door for twenty minutes now. I’ve already hand washed all the flat surfaces in this house and sweep all the floors, what else can I possibly do to distract myself right now? I was torn between wanting to order take out and wanting to go to that dinner I was invited to.

On one hand, take out.

On the other hand, meeting window man and his fight club.

“Ah fuck my asshole dude.” I groaned, lazily flinging myself into the wall and slumping down it. My face sure hurt but it was better than my stupid insecurities. I wish I didn’t feel so, unworthy.

This nice woman invites me to her place to eat with her family but fuck dude I don’t know...she’s just being nice to me. She probably could care less if I came or not. Everything would be so awkward, I wouldn’t know what to do. I’d just make a fool of myself if I went. I’m just some dumbass American that sleeps on the floor and genuinely enjoys infomercials for entertainment. I’d have nothing to talk about. Like, I mean, I could talk about the university I’m attending. And being a published author is pretty cool but…

“No one even likes my story…no one even likes me…” I mumbled softly as my face found itself now pressed against the floor. I know that a select few buy my book, I have been getting royalties. But, it’s nothing special. ‘You write for fun!’ ‘You write because you like it!’, well sure but it’d still feel nice if you could at least inspire one person. And it’s not just the people that read my book- I fail to please everyone…

I just want to inspire people, but all I do is disappoint them...I’m just, so disappointing…

I picked myself up from the ground, swaying back and forth as I began thinking to myself. What if she’s sad? What if she really wanted me to come? What if she was really looking forward to it? I wouldn’t want her to be sad. Matsuyo seems nice.

“Maybe I’ll even make friends with window man. I have a pretty good chance since…”

Since no one knows who I am. Since no one knows who I was.

I could make friends.

With this thought in mind, I snatched the house keys from my back pocket and confidently exited my house.

It was a surprisingly nice evening. The sky was tinged with gorgeous purples and pinks, cotton-like clouds sailing softly over the sky, a nice, gentle autumn breeze; I’m definitely going to sleep out on the roof at some point. The sky was just too beautiful to let go to waste.

I locked my front door, placing my house keys in my back pocket. After doing so I began to walk across the street, stepping over the several shards of broken glass cautiously. I wonder when somebody would clean this up. Someone could get seriously hurt. Not window man though-

Window Man was The Legend.

I wonder if window man had a fan club? Hell I’ll be the club president.

I walked up to the front door of the house across from mine, hesitant to knock on the door. I could could hear faint voices and the thumping of running feet from inside. It was pretty reassuring to know that people were home. I was worried that this could’ve been some sick joke and the house would be totally empty. But there were lights on in the house, and the loud noises were pretty promising too.

I took in a deep breath, exhaling as I raised my fist to the door. But before I could even knock, the door slammed open and the next thing I saw was a flash of yellow. Before I knew it, I was body slammed into the ground. I expected to see the sky when I looked up, but was instead met with a widespread smile and eyes that practically sparkled with joy.

“Hey hey hey!!! Who are you???!!!” The face happily spoke. I noticed that what was attached to the face was a silly bowl haircut and yellow hoodie. This guy was straddling me, his hands on either side of my head as he looked down expectantly at me.

“Oh, I’m [Name]!” I answered him, returning a smile. “Who’re you?”

“WOOOOAAAHHH!!” He bolted into the air, his limbs spread out excitedly. He landed on the ground just above me, bouncing from side to side. “That’s a nice name!! A super super nice name!!!!” He giggled, twirling around a few times. By this point I had already stood up, brushing some dirt off my pants. I was suddenly met with his smiling face again, our noses touching almost comically.

“I’m Jyushimatsu!!!!!!!” He yelled, picking me up and twirling me around in his arms. I honestly wasn’t expecting this kind of welcome, but I wasn’t gonna lie, I liked it.

“It’s nice to meet you Jysuhimatsu!”

“WOOOOOAAAAHHH IT’S NICE TO MEET YOU TOO!!!!!” He excitedly exclaimed, carrying me into the house. He set me down on the floor in the front hallway and then bolted out of the corridor.

“Guys!!!! There’s a cute person here!!!!” You could hear him yell from upstairs. How did he even get up there so fast? Was this guy window man?

Nah.

Window man’s voice was deep if I recall his swearing correctly, but his voice wasn’t as deep as Jyushimatu’s. Plus this dude was adorable. Who would throw him out a window?

I took off my shoes before walking into the room in front of me, noticing that it looked pretty similar to the one in my house. I guess all these houses really are pretty alike. I took a peek into the room beside it, seeing another table, though it was just as empty as the one in the room I’m in. I turned around to find myself faced with just the person I was looking for.

“Ah, you came! That’s great!” Matsuyo smiled, seeming not only happy but, surprised?

“Yep, here I am!”

“Please take a seat, we’ll be eating shortly.” She quickly said before sprinting into the hallway.

Holy shit she was nimble.

I walked into the room next door and took a seat at the table, folding my hands in my lap. I waited for a couple minutes before Matsuyo returned with two pots filled with food I wasn’t familiar with, a smaller man following behind her carrying a tray of bowls and chopsticks. The two were synchronized; while one put down a pot of food on one of the tables, the other placed down the bowls and chopsticks on the other table.

Once both tables were set, the two then sat across from me. Matsuyo seemed as happy as ever whilst the older man beside her seemed a little uncertain, but he looked polite. He was a shorter guy, greying hair and mustache; he was most likely Matsuyo’s husband.

“Ah! Almost forgot!” Matsuyo suddenly recalled, turning her attention towards the ceiling. “HEY, DINNER!” She yelled.

The trigger was pulled.

Immediately the sounds of several thumping feet could be heard from upstairs, quickly making their way to the first floor.

It’s a fucking stampede.

“Ah, well, hello.” The older man smiled, giving a small wave. I waved back to him, introducing myself, in which he introduced himself back as Matsuzo. Before a conversation could even occur, six people bolted into the room beside us, quickly taking their seats at the other table. A lot of shoving and screaming was involved but eventually things started to settle down the moment Matsuyo began to speak.

“These are my six awful children.” She introduced, gesturing to the six grown men who suddenly looked up to take a look at my table.

They all looked exactly identical; cute round faces, button noses, bowlcuts, and the same pudgier body type. Sextuplets, huh?

“God, mom! We’re not kids!” The one with the red hoodie whined, twirling wooden chopsticks lazily in his hands.

“Oh right.” She turned back to me, “My six awful NEETS.” She corrected herself. I began to laugh, covering my mouth with one of my hands. The way she said it was so funny, I couldn’t help but let out a snicker. Six heads were then turned towards me, a look of utter surprise on all their faces. All but one.

“See!!! I wasn’t lying!!! There’s the cute person!!!” Jyushimatsu threw up his arms excitedly, slamming them down on the table with equal amounts of excitement.

“Oooo~ You’re right, Jyushimatsu! They’re really cute~” the one in the pink hoodie cooed to Jyushimatsu, as if he was convinced he was quiet enough for me not to hear.

“Shut up, you guys! They can hear you!!” the one in the green hoodie hissed through his teeth, his face totally red.

“Heh.” Another one began. “What’s there to be embarrassed about, brother? Our little brothers aren’t wrong by saying this person is cute. No, this person is too good for ‘cute’. They deserve titles so much more than simply cute; angelic, beautiful, stunning,” The blue hooded man babbled on and on about the various terms that could be used to describe me. I could feel my face heating up. Damn, this guy must read a thesaurus everyday just to come up with all these words.

Before he could even list twenty more, the guy in the purple hoodie latched onto him from across the table, strangling the blue hooded guy by the neck. The only noises that could be heard were the cheers from the other four, the choking noises of the blue guy, and the whisper-like threats coming from the purple guy.

But just then, I realized something.

I immediately shot up from the table I sat at, the commotion from the other table halting to a stop. The sextuplets looked up at me, their eyes completely focused on my excited face.

Hoo boy was it quiet in here.

“Holy shit!!” I threw my arms up into the air, the purple hooded guy so caught off guard he dropped the blue one with a thud.

“You!!” I pointed to the man gasping for air on the floor. He propped himself up on his elbows, looking at me in total surprise.

“You’re Window Man!!!”

Chapter Text

“W- W…Window...Man?” Window Man sputtered, clearly unsure how to respond to the situation. He seemed just as caught off guard as the other five look-alike window men. His eyes darted around the room before looking back at me, raising an index finger to point to himself. Did he not know I was talking to him?

“Yes!! You!! You’re Window Man!!” I nodded encouragingly, my eyes wide with wonder. I clasped my hands together, bouncing slightly as I stood. “You’re The Legend™…” Why I bothered to say ™ outloud, I wasn’t sure.

“What the fuck are you talking about…?” The purple one blinked, draped over the table limply.

“Ichimatsu, don’t swear in front of our guest.” Matsuyo suddenly spoke up, looking a little annoyed with her son. The purple guy flinched slightly, grunting in response.

“They were swearing too, though…” The purple hooded guy slumped back into his seat, his words trailing off as he slouched. He was cute, in a weird garbage boy way. I wanted to give him a little smooch on his nose.

“Hey uh, I agree with Ichimatsu though!” The red hooded guy spoke up, laying sprawled across the floor. He attempted to move closer to where I stood, but clearly got too lazy the moment he had to roll over a second time. So this dude just laid on his side, his limbs spread out in front of him like a dead animal. Same though.

“Like, Window Man?? Why is Karamatsu Window Man??” The red guy let out a snicker, a dumb grin apparent on his face. Dang, this guy was cute too, not gonna lie.

“What?! How do you not know?! Were you not apart of Fight Club?!” I kneeled down, my hands on either side of my face like someone just pulled off the sickest rap. The red guy pulled back slightly, his dumb smile still plastered on his dumb face.

“Holy shit. Fight Club?? Can I join???” He asked, actually genuine with his question.

“Can I join???” I retorted, genuine with my question.

“Not to interrupt this, Fight Club business, but,” I turned to see Matsuzo speaking, looking as confused as ever. “Could we, could we eat?” He tried to smile in which Matsuyo sighed in response.

“You care more about the food than our son’s trying to hit it off? Don’t you ever want to escape this hell?” Matsuyo boredly spoke as she looked to her husband. You could practically feel the offended gasps from the other table. Before Matsuzo could even attempt to nervously defend himself, I stepped in the save the day.

“No, it’s fine! Let’s eat!” I interrupted, returning to my seat with smile.

From there, the dinner commenced.

At first I thought I was a simple dinner guest, but I was dead wrong. As the conversations between Mr and Mrs Matsuno and I prolonged, I began to realize something. I didn’t feel like a dinner guest, but more or less, a potential child-in-law. The conversations at first were quite simple; we would all eat, pause to talk about how I liked the neighborhood or if my house was nice, and then ate more.

But the conversations went from 0-100 real quick.

I was asked, briefly after I answered a question about the weather, if I was single. I didn’t take much thought to it at first, but the moment I answered with a ‘yes’, I knew.

This elderly couple lit up like the 4th of July. They looked to each other with this, certain joy, before looking back to me with excited smiles. From there the questions felt more like I was taking part of a Dating Show. ‘Do you plan on having children in the future?’ ‘Would you consider yourself responsible?’ ‘What’s your ideal boyfriend?’ ‘Wait, you like guys, right?’ ‘Please say you’re interested in men.’ ‘Even if you’re open to the idea of dating a man, please’

Holy shit, it was like they were begging me to take all six of their sons back home with me. I wouldn't be surprised if they tried bribing me with money. Hell, by tonight I expected them to throw their kids in a suitcase, leave ‘em on my doorstep, ring the doorbell, and fucking run for it.

Of course while this was happening, those said sons were completely oblivious to my interrogation. They just ate like it was their last meal, every so often stopping themselves from shoving food in their face to make a dick joke.

God… s a m e

High key, these guys were my kind of people.

After a few hours of ‘Will you please marry one of our NEETS?’, dinner had eventually ended.

“That was delicious, Matsuno-san, thank you.” I grinned, complimenting Matsuyo. She returned the smile, seeming to be overjoyed.

“Thank you, for coming over!” She replied as she began to clear the table. Matsuzo assisted his wife in doing so, the both of them carrying the dirtied dishes into the hall they came from before. I guessed they were heading to the kitchen, I don’t know where else they’d go with dirty dishes.

I sat silently as I looked over to the table beside me; the sextuplets were all laughing, or yelling, I couldn’t really tell. Their mouths were certainly moving erratically. They were still eating, chowing away at crab meat and an array of vegetables. They were all like little kids, giggling at stupid shit and screaming at each other for minor inconveniences. I mean...holy shit…

They were practically sitting at the kid’s table. And the fact that these guys were NEETS didn’t really help their case. They were totally sitting at the kid’s table.

I began laughing to myself, trying to not make it so obvious. These were the biggest six year olds I’ve ever met- not like I’m any better though. I too like to make the occasional dick joke and get upset over stupid shit. Maybe I should go sit with them. Maybe we can all be friends. Maybe I can ask Window Man for his autograph.

I stood up, casually walking over to the kiddie table with a grin. Without bothering to ask, I plopped down in between the guy in purple and the guy in pink. It was a close fit, but it was comfortable. Though as soon as I sat down, everyone froze, completely silent. The two guys I was brushed up against stiffened, turning to look at me. They were as white as a sheet.

“Hey, what’s cookin good, uh, lookin plural. Cookin good lookins?” I greeted them, trying to make a good first impression. Man I was smooth. ‘Cookin good lookins’, I’m practically a certified sex machine.

In a split second, the guy in pink went from totally surprised to totally flirtatious. His once white cheeks were now dusted with pink, and an adorable little smile curled its way up his chubby face. He let out a small, innocent giggle before resting his head on my shoulder.

“Oh~! Hello~” He began, his voice soft and light. I couldn’t help but laugh. God, this fucking guy. I honestly didn’t expect him to laugh in return.

“Aww, your laugh is as cute as you~” The guy in pink cooed, placing down his bowl of food as he nuzzled his cheek into the fabric of my shirt. I was about to scream- jesus fucking christ this dude. He’s so fake, I love it.

“Ew, Totty, shut up! Lemmie sit next to them!! C’mon!!” The guy in red put the pink guy in a chokehold, trying to pry him away from me. The guy in pink began making these ridiculous faces as he was trying to tear himself away from the whiny red guy. Unfortunately, pink guy’s struggling was fruitless as he was pushed to the side, and red guy gladly made his way up next to me. He clearly didn’t understand personal space since he sat as close to me as possible. Our cheeks were practically touching, but in all honesty, I wasn’t bothered by it. I enjoyed the attention. At this point these guys were beginning to look a little less horrified and more uh, blushy? I don’t know man but they all looked pretty excited to see me.

In particular, Jyushimastu looked ecstatic to see me, his eyes filled with wonder. He was bouncing in his seat, his adorable plushie cheeks totally pink. Window Man on the other hand placed a pair of sunglasses on his face, trying to conceal his pink face with some sort of ‘cool pose’. He had one of his shaking hands over his face, and the other placed promptly on his hip as he knitted those thicc eyebrows of his together. Those eyebrows were fleek as fuck. I’m gonna embrace Window Man’s eyebrows. As for the guy in purple, he was still totally stiff. His face was a weird mixture of anger and embarrassment, it was honestly kinda endearing. He was clearly trying to move his leg away from mine, but simply didn’t have the mental capacity to fall through with it. He must’ve been so flustered, I almost felt bad. Almost.

But green dude, holy shit, purple guy couldn’t possibly top the green bean over here. He was redder than red dude’s hoodie. His face was contorted with this doofy smile and trembling eyes as he looked at me; he was so c u t e, jesus christ. You could probably bake cookies on his face he was so heated. But, just like his mom, he seemed to be studying me, though he was obviously trying to be discreet about it. What the fuck was everyone looking for?

“Hey, you~!” The red guy smiled smugly, bringing me back from my thoughts. “I’m Osomatsu, do you have a boyfriend?” He bluntly spoke, rubbing a finger under his nose.

“Yeah man.” I answered, earning a puzzled expression from everyone at the table.

“Whaaaatt??? No way!!” Osomatsu threw his arms up, clearly disappointed. I let out a giggle.

“Yep. All six of them are right here.” I grinned widely, gesturing to everyone at the table as if I was presenting a new car on a gameshow.

“All six of what?” The pink one spoke up, picking himself off the ground from being pushed earlier. He looked genuinely curious, so I had to comply.

“All six of my beautiful boyfriends, duh.” I answered teasingly.

Cue the screams the damned.

“EHHHH???” Five of them shouted in unison, all entirely bright red. But, as for our dear green bean, he fucking fainted.

“Holy shit he’s d e a d.” I yelled with a straight face.

“Finally!” Osomatsu gave a hearty laugh, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. He was still red in the face, clearly flattered by my previous statement.

“Yo, but, for real, are we-”

“Nahh.” I shrugged, flicking his left cheek. “I’m kidding, dude.”

“Oh??” The pink guy pouted, trying to get in between Osomatsu and I. “Let’s make that joke a reality then~” He cooed as he kicked Osomatsu in the face, which earned an angry grunt from him. “I’m Todomatsu~ What do you say~? Go on on date with me~”

“Nice to meet you, Todomatsu, I’m [Name].” I introduced myself. “Oh, but, I’m not really interested in a date. What I am interested in though, is joining Fight Club.”

“Oh yeah!” Osomatsu attempted to sit on Todomatsu, pinning him to the ground with his ass. Todomatsu screamed.

“Fight Club!! What is that?? Why’d you call Karamatsu Window Man??” Osomatsu spoke, rubbing his ass on Todomatsu to assert dominance. The poor guy could only flail and scream- but there was no one who could save him now. Rip.

“Karamatsu?” I blinked. “Who’s that?” I questioned Osomatsu, unclear if we were talking about the same person. Just then, the guy in blue leapt onto the table, laying on his side in another one of those ‘cool poses’. The bowls on the table shook as he landed, but it seemed to only phase everyone but him. He had one hand placed on his hip, and the other on the side of his face as he glanced at me through those shaded lenses.

“Why, I am the one they call Karamastu.” He began, moving onto his stomach so he could hold my hands in his. “But you can call me, your one true love~” He peeked over his sunglasses, his newly found bishe eyes sparkling. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry so I did both.

“Duuuuuddddeeee.” I laughed/cried, causing Window Man to clutch his chest with his right hand, his left hand still holding one of mine. An incredibly worried expression played on his face; he looked as if he was guilty of murder. I didn’t mean to make him upset, but holy shit it’s him- it’s Window Man.

“I-I, I’m so so-”

“I can’t believe I’m meeting you, Window Man, I’m your biggest fan!” I embraced him tightly, Window Man promptly screaming in response.

Hugging Window Man was an experience. This dude was ridiculously soft, but he had a heavy stench of shitty cheap cologne. I thought I could breathe through my mouth, but even then I was inhaling toxic fumes. Jesus, this man must douse himself with this shit daily. Nonetheless, he was a soft guy. Soft enough to shield his body from injury when thrown out a window.

I was hugging Window Man pretty hard; I felt like I was gonna squeeze the life out of him. I was about to let go, but then I remembered-

Window Man is invincible. He is the hero, the myth, the legend, Window Man.

So I kept hugging him.

“Oh my god oh my god, I can’t believe Window Man is a fucking doofus. It didn’t even occur to you to use ‘But you can call me anytime’, what the fuck. That should’ve been so obvious, god you’re such a loser, I’m so h a p p y.” I rambled, happy to finally have Window Man in my arms. I could feel heat radiating off Window Man’s face, his body completely limp in my hug. Before I knew it, my arms were claimed by two people.

Jyushimatsu launched himself across the table, engulfing both me and Window Man in his arms. Window Man gave out a loud, pained choking noise, whereas I wasn’t as hurt by the hug as he was. Instead of suffocating like Window Man, I gave a small laugh. I was adoring all of this affection.

“Hey!! I wanna hug too!!!” Jyushimatsu laughed, nuzzling his cheek into mine. I released one of my arms from Window Man in order to wrap it around Jyushimatsu. He seemed absolutely exuberant about the returned hug.

“You’re so soft!!! So nice and soft!!!” He exclaimed, kicking his feet excitedly. I suddenly felt a tap at my shoulder, an annoyed grunt following after.

“C’mon!!! Why is he Window Man?? I’m so confused!! Tell meeee!” Osomatsu whined like a little kid, lazily leaning against the hug pile.

“You really don’t know?!” I gasped, pointing to the ceiling. “Window Man- er, Karamatsu, was thrown out a window and totally survived!!”

“H-How did you know that...?” I heard a shaky voice from across the table. It seemed the green bean regained consciousness and was trying to readjust to his surroundings.

“Last night, dude!! The minute I got to my house this dude just flew out the fucking window!!” I threw my arms up, dropping Win- Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu with a thud. “I was gonna take a sweet pic for my grandma because I thought he was dead, but holy shit.” I continued enthusiastically. “I’ve never seen someone thrown out of a window that high and survive like that!! There was glass everywhere too, Jesus fucking Christ!!” I picked up Karamatsu by his collar before he could escape.

“How?” I whispered, my eyes focused on his through his shades. “How did you survive?? You’re incredible!” I smiled from ear to ear, completely impressed with Karamatsu. His face kept growing redder and redder, but a smirk slowly made it’s way onto his face. He placed his hands on mine, “heh”ing(?) Idk man.

“Isn’t it obvious, my angel? The moment you arrived in our humble neighborhood, I could feel the passionate radiance from your presence. Such angelic presence had saved me from my fall~” He spoke smoothly, sparkling as he moved closer to my face. “As long as you’re around, I cannot die!”

“Unfortunately.” The purple hooded guy spoke bluntly from beside me, glaring daggers at Karamatsu. As soon as he saw me looking at him though, he froze up and attempted to turn away from me, but Jyushimatsu had him by the shoulders.

“What??? That's not good, Ichimatsu!! It would be sad if Karamatsu died!” Jyushimatsu exclaimed, patting his brother’s shoulders. The one referred to as Ichimatsu just shrugged.

“You’re the one to talk, you threw him out the window.”

“I did??” Jyushimatsu yelled, totally surprised. He was quiet for about .1 second before continuing.

“Oh!!” He seemed to recall. “You’re right, Ichimatsu! I did throw him out the window!!” He laughed. I couldn't resist to laugh as well.

“Don't laugh, Jyushimatsu. Because you threw Karamatsu out the window, mom is making us pay for the damages.” The green bean sighed, folding his arms as if he were a parent. “And we all know that it’ll end up just being me paying for it.”

“Ah, lighten up Chorofappyski!” Osomatsu spoke up, once again rubbing a finger under his nose. “Who cares! I mean,” Osomatsu turned to the front corridor, his ass still planted on a suffering™ Todomatsu. “That probably wouldn't’ve happened if we had a bigger room!!” He yelled, as if he was expecting a response from the hallway.

“Huh, so your parents weren't lying when they said you guys were NEETS.” I thought out loud, causing the green bean, or Chorofappyski, to sputter.

“I-It's only temporary!!” He nervously squealed, trying to save himself from embarrassment. Too late dude.

“Because, w-well you see, I-I’m looking for a job right now! Y-Yeah! Pretty soon I’ll be out of the house and officially move on to adulthood!” He said to no one in particular, though it was pretty obvious he was aiming his words towards me. He was still pretty red in the face, after all.

“So, you guys really do live with your parents…” I mumbled, my shoulders dropping as this sudden wave of emotions washed over me.

What was this...feeling...?

Sadness?

Anger?

Pity?

No.

That can't be right…

I feel envy…

Why am I envious…?

These guys were NEETS. They seemed too lazy to do anything with their lives and yet… I felt so empty inside…

“Hey, don't say it like that!” Osomatsu whined, dragging his cheek down my arm. “It’s not that bad!”

“Of course it's that bad!!” Chorofappyski pointed to Osomatsu with this pissy expression on his face. “You really wanna live with mom and dad for the rest of your life?? God, you're such a loser!!”

“You’re the one to talk!!” Osomatsu stood up, releasing Todomatsu from ass hell. His first reaction was to give a swift kick to Osomatsu’s groin. On the moment of impact, Osomatsu screamed and fell face first into the table, causing food to fly off it. Everyone stood up and stepped back from the scene, too surprised to try and save the food and bowls that scattered across the floor.

“I think it’s time to start our session of Fight Club.” Todomatsu sneered as he stood, only to come back down on Osomatsu. The two brawled it out on the floor, punching, kicking, screaming. Holy shit, I was finally witnessing it- I was finally witnessing Fight Club.

“...Are you recording this?” Ichimatsu hesitantly spoke up from beside me.

“Yes.” I answered before he could finish his question, my eyes focused on my smartphone’s screen.

Before hair pulling could ensue, I felt a gentle tugging on the sleeve of my shirt. I turned to my side to see Matsuyo, looking up at me apologetically.

“Ah, not to kick you out or anything, but,” She looked over to her wrestling sons as well as the son’s that weren’t fighting, but freaking the fuck out instead. “You might want to leave. They won't stop anytime soon- I’ve tried several times before.” She gave a short laugh, gesturing me to follow her. I complied with a small smile as I ended my recording, walking behind her as she led me to the door. She turned around to face me as soon as she stepped in the front corridor, a grateful expression on her face.

“Thank you for coming over, my husband and I really enjoyed your company.” She spoke, proceeding to look over my shoulder. “My NEETS certainly enjoyed your company.” I found myself smiling uncontrollably.

“That's so sweet, I hope they did. I don't have any friends here yet so-”

“Friends?” Matsuyo interrupted me blankly. I nodded in response.

“Yeah, I don't have any friends so-”

“Ah, friends, well...” Matsuyo coughed, briefly looking away from me. She eventually turned back, a confident grin on her face.

“That's a start!”

“Yeah, it's a start alright.” I replied, unsure how else to respond to that.

“Have a good night, okay? I hope we’ll get to see you again soon!” She patted my shoulder with a nod.

“Me too!” I agreed with her. After our goodbyes were said, she began to leave the corridor and made her way upstairs.

“Hey, NEETS, clean your mess when you're done!” She yelled, not bothering to check whether or not her sons heard her.

I snorted upon her bluntness. She was the queen- the true mvp.

I turned to the front door, trying to ignore the impending mass homicide in the room behind me. I put on my shoes and then attempted to open the front door. Before I could open the thing halfway, I heard a sharp gasp from behind me. I whipped around, only to be faced with that Chorofappyski guy.

As expected, he was still red and trembling, wringing his fingers nervously as he stared at me. His mouth was agape in wonder once he saw my face, his feet shuffling below him in a jittery fashion. He was studying me again as if he was in some sort of trance. I had to snap my fingers to bring him back out of it.

“Ah!! Sorry!!” He immediately apologized, his voice high and squeaky. “U-Um...uh…” He tried to speak, but the only sounds that came from his mouth were small squeals and mumbles. His eyes were darting around the corridor, trying to look at anything but me. I started to smile softly, poking his nose to focus his attention on me again.

“What’s on your mind, sweet pea?” I asked him, causing him to scream in response. I couldn't stop myself from giggling. He was precious.

“U-Uh, well, um…!” He tried to formulate the words “W-Wait here!!!” He held his arms out defensively, then proceeding to bolt up the stairs. Within five seconds he came tumbling back down, carrying a book in his arms. He stood in front of me once more, breathing heavily as he held the book closely to his chest.

“I-I…! Um! A-Are you-!” He shoved the book into my face, his fingers clenched tightly around it. The book was shaking violently in his grasp, I wouldn’t’ve been able to read it if I didn’t recognize the cover.

Oh my god.

That’s my book.

“A-Are you [Name]??? The [Name]???” He croaked like a frog, hiding his flushed face behind the shaking book. I was completely surprised, shocked- I didn't expect this to happen. At all. He read my book…? Is he, a fan of mine…?

“Yes, but,” I blinked, still trying to process what was happening. “How would you have known? Because, like, I don't have a picture of me in there.” I blinked. At first Chorofappyski was absolutely elated. As soon as I said yes he was practically screeching, an adorable triangle smile clear on his face. But when I mentioned a picture of me, he grew indescribably nervous.

“Oh! Um! I saw really cute selfies of you on your blog!!” Chorofappyski tried to save himself, his eyes wide with horror. “I check it whenever I go to a manga cafe!! I-I never usually read novels, but when I saw your book online I thought it looked really cool! S-So I ordered it! I swear I’m not stalking you or anything!!”

“Hey, dude, you're fine. I was just curious how you knew it was me, that's all. You didn't do anything wrong.” I interrupted him before he could pee himself. But, I think the fact that I was so nice to him made him want to pee himself even more.

“Okay okay! Sorry! I'm so sorry! Um…” He tried to compose himself, taking in a deep breath before continuing. “C-Can I-I, can I have y-your autograph?” He held out my book to me with one hand, using his other to fumble around in his back pockets for a pen. Eventually he found one and offered both items to me with a soft smile.

God I wanted to punch that stupid smile off his face. He was so fucking cute I was going to scream.

“Really?”

“Yes! Yes really!”

“O...kay…” I blinked, taking the book and blue ballpoint pen from his hands. I heard him gasp again when my fingers briefly touched his. Jesus fuck my ass, this guy.

I opened the book to the first blank page, beginning to sign my name with blue ink. Chorofappyski watched me sign my name tentatively, in awe of my signature. I didn't know why he was so impressed. I've never autographed anything before, I wasn't even sure if there was a specific way to autograph things. When I was done, I handed the book and pen back to Chorofappyski, his face still filled with awe as his eyes scanned over my signature more closely.

“Ah, so, there you go, Chorofappyski.” I spoke up, not sure what to say in this situation. However, once I uttered the the name Chorofappyski, he went totally white, making a pained suffocating noise.

“My name is not Chorofappyski!!!” He nervously blurted. “My name is Choromatsu!!!” He whined, looking pretty upset with the name I called him.

“Oh I’m sorry, Choromatsu. I really am. Your brother called you that so I just assumed it was your name.” I apologized, placing my right hand on the top of his head. “You’re so cute, gosh.”

Suddenly, the top of Choromatsu’s head disappeared from my palm. I looked to my left to see Choromatsu bolting up the staircase, screaming.

Why is everyone fucking screaming all the time, Jesus Christ.

After Choromatsu’s grand escape, I took the opportunity to leave the Matsuno household. I exited the house, closing the door behind me as I continued to walk towards my home. I could still hear the sounds of Fight Club emanating from the Matsuno household. The sounds of screaming, punching, and the breaking of fragile objects echoed through the neighborhood.

The night was just as it was yesterday; beautiful starry sky, cool autumn winds, the sounds of potential mass murder, and the singing of cicadas.

I could get used to this. I really could.

I approached my front door, taking my keys out from my back pocket to unlock it. Once the door was unlocked, I opened it to step inside, closed it behind me, and locked it again. I was two steps into the front corridor when my ass started to vibrate.

That's not good probably.

I reached into my back pocket to find my smartphone. Oh thank god my ass isn't vibrating. My phone was ringing instead. I looked at my phone’s screen, the light from the incoming call illuminating my dark house. I'm probably never going to turn on a light switch, Christ what is wrong with you @ me.

I decided to take the call, the caller being my grandmother. As soon as the lines connected, my grandmother immediately spoke.

“Hey, [Name]! I hope I didn't wake you up!” I heard her kind, chipper voice greet me over the phone.

“No no, you're fine! I actually just got back from a dinner I was invited to.”

“A dinner?” She gasped happily. “Oh tell me tell me! Did you make it to the house safely? Is the bedroom big enough for you? How was the dinner you went to? Oh my gosh I can't believe you were invited to dinner so soon! You're such a good kid! What a charmer! I can't wait to tell your grandfather!” She rambled on and on, clearly excited for me. I gave a happy sigh, dragging my feet upstairs as I continued to talk to my grandma in the dark.

“Well, firstly, I made it here safely, I'm alright, my chauffeur was very nice. Secondly, yes, the bedroom is big enough for me, don't worry. And thirdly,” I paused for a moment, smiling to myself as I made my way down the second floor’s hall. “The dinner I went to was absolutely wonderful.”

“Tell me all about it, [Name]! Did you have fun?” My grandma asked me. I exhaled in reminiscence as I opened the door to my bedroom.

“Well, this very nice woman found out I was new to the neighborhood and invited me over. Her husband was really nice too, but their kids were hilarious, I love ‘em.”

“Oh? Kids? Can you make money from babysitting them perhaps?”

“Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I was asked to babysit them.” I laughed, kicking my shoes to the side of my room. I took a seat on my bed, bouncing slightly on my mattress. “But nah, they're in their early 20’s, grandma. There's six of them too- sextuplets.” I heard my grandma gasp over the phone just then.

“Really?? Sextuplets?? And they live with their parents still?? Are they at least going to college or working like you are? That's really only why you were still living with your grandfather and I.”

“Wow, tell me how you really feel grandma.”

“No no, you're great! Tell me more about these six 20 year olds though. I've never seen sextuplets before, you should send me a picture of them.”

“Don't worry I got a video of two of them fucking brawling.”

“Dank.”

“Grandma, I can never talk like this with you.”

“C’mon, [Name], tell me about the sextuplets already!”

“Well,” I began, humming as I fell back onto my mattress. I stared up at the ceiling, recalling things about those six endearing boys. “One of them was thrown out of a window, and survived. His name is Karamatsu apparently, but I prefer Window Man. It feels right, you know? He acts like he's this really cool and suave guy, but he's butter on legs. Then there's this other guy, Jyushimatsu, he's a real sweetheart. He's pretty hyperactive and loud, but he's a good dude. He was the one that threw Karamatsu out the window in the first place. The two dudes I mentioned fighting earlier are Todomatsu and Osomatsu. Todomatsu is a fake ass bitch, you’d love him. He's really cutesy, but he isn't afraid to fucking fight. I like how direct he is too, he didn't even hesitate to start hitting on me. Osomatsu doesn't have a sense of personal space and he seems like a lazy guy. But I think he's really funny. He’s an affectionate dude, I like him. Then there's Ichimatsu, he's pretty quiet most of the time and high key wants to #murder, but he's really cute. His hair is all floofy and nice. Finally there's Choromatsu, he's boiling water compared to Buttermatsu. He's always red in the face and tries to act like a responsible guy, but I bet he's just as needy as the rest of them. I'm not complaining though, he was really sweet. He’s a fan of my book, he even asked me to autograph his copy.” I continued to talk about those six boys, almost dreamily. They were really cool...

“They’re NEETS too. According to their parents, they don't have jobs and they just laze around all day. Sometimes they help around the house, but it's pretty rare. They’re probably just gonna mooch off their parents until they’re kicked out. God, their parents must really love them to-...”

...Their parents must...really love them…

...Ha...

It makes sense now.

That's why I was so envious.

Chapter Text

It's been two days since my visit to the Matsuno Household.

And they were the most boring two days of my life.

For those past two days all I had done was rearrange furniture, take naps, make an extensive shopping list, look at quality memes on my blog, and continue writing the sequel to my first book. I admit though those days were boring, I at least got shit done. Even if ‘that shit’ wasn't that important. But what I really needed to get done was grocery shopping. I've only been eating takeout and a box of granola for the past two days, and I couldn't just invite myself over to the Matsuno house, that'd be rude. I needed to eat healthier, make my own food; I needed to start treating my diet like an adult.

Holy shit that was almost funny.

Me.

An adult.

P l e a s e.

Currently I was sitting on my cute little balcony. I didn't have chairs for it yet, but I didn't mind sitting on the floor. I was just wearing one of those big floofy sweaters, drinking a nice hot cup of tea, and watching those massive white clouds sail gently over the bright blue morning sky. There was a breeze in the air, blowing the steam from my tea into my face. Thank you, tea. I love you too.

Originally I was sitting outside just to enjoy the nice weather, but now I was thinking about my possibilities for the day. I wanted to go grocery shopping soon, so maybe I should just get it out of the way today. But, I could also go over to the Matsuno house and ask if those sextuplets wanted to hang.

Nah, easier said than done.

Initiating things were so difficult. Like, I really wanted to hang out with those guys, they were pretty cool, but, I don't know. What if they're out doing something right now? Would it be rude to just go over there without warning? What if them being nice to me was just some sort of sick prank? No, that couldn't be it. They had to like me, right? I think they like me, at least Choromatsu does. So he'd hang out with me right? Oh but, what if he thinks it's weird that his favorite author wants to hang out with him? Would he think I'm doing it as a joke? I would never do that…

I’ll never be able to make friends with those boys if I just keep waiting for them to come to me first...I really should just, go.

I turned my attention from the blue sky to the Matsuno Household. I looked intensely at that front door, tempted to go over there and say hi to those guys. But Christ, me, what are you so nervous about? They're NEETS. What are they gonna do, bash your decent transition into adulthood?

I found myself staring for the longest time, aching to get up and go but aching to just forget about it. I hope no one saw me staring so intensely, I must look like fucking dumbass right now. I'm just looking at some family’s door like I was experiencing some heavy sexual tension. As if I was just gonna get up and fuck their door. But hey, at least all that broken glass was cleaned up- no discomfort when fuckin that door amirite?

Suddenly my mind was brought back to reality, the sound of acoustic guitar filling my ears instead of the sharpness of the wind. I looked up to the Matsuno Household’s roof, my eyes dilating at the sight.

Window Man was shredding guitar

Or, well, Karamatsu.

And uh, shredding as much as you could with an acoustic guitar.

I lied, he's really not shredding. More or less strumming a gentle tune.

He sat, perched upon the edge of his roof as his guitar laid softly on his lap. His hands moved slowly against the instrument as he looked up at the sky. He was wearing those sunglasses of his, adorning a black leather jacket and tight skinny jeans as well. The heels of his mahogany boots kicked gently against the wall of his house as his lips moved slightly to the tune of his guitar.

Was he there this whole time? I honestly didn't notice until he started strumming his guitar. He seemed lost for a while, as if he was daydreaming. But within those few second of noticing him, he had stopped strumming his guitar and his demeanor completely changed. He suddenly faced me with a smirk, positioning his guitar in such a way so he could prop up his right leg onto the roof. He snapped his fingers, using his left hand to point at me from the rooftop.

“For you, my angel!” He called out to me, partially using poorly pronounced English. Before I could even react he began to sing- dramatically. He began playing his guitar again, his attention focused on everything but me. You'd think that if you were singing to someone you'd pay attention to them, but I guess this guy had a different way of expressing his art.

I'll admit though, this guy was good. His voice was like honey- smooth, soft, and d e l i c i o u s. And holy shit man, this guy wasn't half bad at acoustic guitar. There were a few sour notes, but he played them off pretty well. Window Man was a talented guy.

I was lost in his voice. His gorgeous octaves moved beautifully with the autumn wind, his guitar’s music echoing almost naturally through the neighbourhood. I was enraptured by his song, the way his skilled hands glided over the strings of his guitar, the way his supple lips moved with the words he recited with passion. At this point I had stopped drinking my tea, leaning against the rail of my balcony in awe. My chest felt hot and somewhat pained- no one has ever sang for me before. No one has ever done anything like this for me before. Even if this was some sort of desperate attempt to hook up with whoever was around to hear him play- I couldn't lie to myself and say I wasn't flattered.

But that flatter quickly turned to laughter in 2 seconds flat.

Karamatsu’s voice was beautiful, but he certainly wasn't a lyricist.

‘Teeth that sparkled like the ocean’, ‘my love for you is as big as something very big’, ‘run away with me to a place that is relatively decent’, ‘would you still love me even though I don't want to work?’, ‘my heart beats irregularly every time I see you- I hope I don't die!’, ‘together, we’ll be tighter than my pants’, ‘check please!’

Did he know what he was saying?? Was he convinced that these lyrics were genuinely good or was he just oblivious to how they really sounded?? Half of these lyrics didn't even make sense. And when they did make sense, they were ridiculous. I was trying so hard not to laugh. But I just couldn't help it- this guy was truly the experience.

But for some fucking reason, this Frank Sinatra wannabe didn't stop. I was laughing, though not directly at him, and he didn't stop. You'd think he'd get embarrassed but no way, not Window Man. He stuck it out till the end. He was a champ. He was the champ.

He clearly must’ve taken my laughter as a compliment because he was smiling uncontrollably. Don't get me wrong I was glad he didn't take offense to it, my intention wasn’t to hurt him, but I was surprised. The moment I began laughing my ass off, the passion he put into his song grew exponentially. It was as if my laughter was just what he needed to keep going strong. His voice grew louder and the strumming of his instrument appeared more confident.

Eventually his song came to an end and my laughter began to calm down. With a final strum of his guitar he stood up in a flash, once again pointing to me, but with both of his hands. I couldn't see his eyes behind his sunglasses. I wasn't sure what he was thinking, but he was, quiet. Was he waiting for me to speak first or?

“That was amazing!” I complied, clapping my hands with a smile. He ‘heh’d, posing with his arms outstretched as he looked towards the sky.

“Thank you, my sweetheart~!” He flushed pink, lowering his gaze to mine. “Have I captured your heart with my lyrics of lov-” he spoke smoothly before fucking screeching. He suddenly fell off the roof, his face planting into the pavement. I heard a loud crack once he impacted, though it wasn't his guitar that was broken.

“Hold on, hold on.” I mumbled, standing up from my balcony and running down my house’s staircase. Once I reached the first floor, I placed my cup of tea on the small table by my front door and proceeded to exit my house. I walked to Window Man’s side, observing his body that splayed out on the ground. The good news was that his guitar was totally fine! Thanks to his soft body! Good job, Windowmatsu.

“Hey pal, it's me, [Name]. Are you dead?” I asked, pulling my phone out from my back pocket to take a pic of the corpse. In response I heard a groan through the pavement, his shaky limbs trying to pull himself off of the ground.

I placed my phone back into my pocket (foiled again), and helped him sit up. My arms propped him up, allowing him to lean on my shoulder so he could collect himself. He was a little out of it for a few seconds, but when he finally realized his surroundings he shot straight out of my arms. He proceeded to injure himself further as the back of his head slammed against the pavement. Karamatsu screamed, quickly rubbing the back of his head with a red face. He had no problem singing about my shiny teeth and me, yet helping him off the ground was what embarrassed him? Priorities man.

“You okay?” I scooched closer to him, searching his face for a response. His incredibly embarrassed exterior quickly transformed to that fake ass suaveness of his.

“Of course I am. Remember? Your angelic presence saves me from death~” He dramatically recited, holding his fist to the sky while his other hand promptly rubbed the back of his head. As he tilted his head to the sky, a small stream of blood fell down his nose, over his lips, and dripped off his chin. He screamed again, moving his legs apart to search for any blood stains on his clothes.

Holy Fuck. I didn't even notice. This dude’s nose is j a c k e d.

His nose was starting to bruise already, the bridge crooked and tilting to the left. Blood began pouring it's way down his nostrils, the poor guy panicking as he covered his nose with his hands. I tapped his forehead to get his attention.

“Hey, you're okay bud! Just a broken shnoz is all. C’mere.” I stood up, holding out my hand to him. He looked at my hand, completely puzzled. He looked up at me, then back to my hand, and then back at me. After alternating his focus between my hand and face 87 times, he shakily took one of his now bloodied hands off his face as an attempt to grab mine. But he suddenly stopped with a gasp, looking at his bloodied hand with worry. He was about to wipe his hand on his pants before I stopped him.

“Nonononononono, don't ruin your nice pants! C’mon dude!” I slapped his wrist, grabbing his hand myself. He squealed at the touch, quickly standing up to face me. His eyes trembled behind those shades of his, meeting my own hesitantly. His face matched the blood that ran down his nose and his body was as stiff as a board. Despite his stiff stature, his hands were unbelievably shaky. The hand that held mine gripped me so tightly I thought I would have to amputate my hand due to the lack of blood flow.

“Let's fix your nose, okay?” I gave him a smile, dragging him along to my house. Karamatsu obediently followed, staying close behind me like a lost puppy. I brought Karamatsu into my house, watching as he struggled to take off his boots the second he stepped into the front corridor. He then placed his guitar against the wall across from him before following me once again into the room ahead. I gestured for him to sit at the table, similar to the setup he had in his home. He complied quickly, taking a seat on the floor as fast as someone expecting a blow job would.

“I'll be right back, got it?” I told him, Karamatsu giving me a nod in response. His hands were still trying to conceal the blood that poured down his face, trying to simultaneously prevent his cool dude outfit from getting stained. He looked pretty helpless like that- all bloody, bruised, and panicked.

Poor guy...

I quickly ran upstairs into my bedroom, pulling out a first aid kit from my dresser, as well as retrieving a bottle of water from my bedside table. After obtaining these objects I then made my way back downstairs. There he was, still sitting, still bleeding, looking up at me the moment I entered the room. It seemed as if he had taken off his shades while I was gone, those said sunglasses placed on the table in front of him. I tried not to stare, but it was so hard. This guy had beautiful eyes. I can't believe I didn't notice them before. I was probably way too engrossed in meme central the other day.

Those sparkling brown eyes of Karamatsu’s were gorgeous. The color resembled that of the sugar sprinkled upon creme brûlée, warm and sweet. Everytime he blinked, his eyes grew more moist, glistening almost elegantly under those thicc brows of his. Under this unlit room his eyes practically glowed- god this guy was a work of art.

I proceeded to sit next to him as I placed the items I retrieved on the table we sat at. I opened the first aid kit to take out a washcloth, then beginning to dab it with water from the water bottle. I turned to Karamatsu, wet washcloth in hand and prepared to clean up some nose blood. But man this guy right here, I caught him staring at me. He quickly turned away from me the moment our eyes met, as if he was trying to play it off. I wasn’t havin that though. This dude was gonna look at me and he was gonna like it. As soon as he turned away, I gestured for him to turn back.

“Okay man, it's time to clean your nasty ass nose.” I removed his hands from his face, seeing blood already beginning to drip down into his palms. I began to dap the blood from his nose, hearing the poor guy hiss through his teeth each time I made contact with his skin. He didn't stop me though- he just held held out his hands to catch blood, shutting his eyes tightly as I washed his face.

Once I finished, I placed the bloodied washcloth on the table. I then reached over to the center of the table to take a tissue from the tissue box that sat there. I handed the tissue to Karamatsu to place under his nose, just in case he started to bleed again. He took the tissue from my grasp gratefully, that suave smirk of his playing on his face once more.

“Hm, my brother Choromatsu did tell me you were a writer, but I must admit I didn't expect you to be a nurse as well. Ah, but who could be mistaken as such when your hands are so gentle and skillaaAAHHHHHHH!” Karamatsu screamed as I cracked his nose back into place, earning another stream of blood from his nose. Damn those bones cracked real nice- sorry, man. Karamatsu quickly put the tissue to his nostrils, looking at me as if I was out of my mind.

“Dude, not gonna lie, that was fucking hilarious.” I snickered, giving a swift punch to his arm, which only caused him to scream again.

“N-Not to be rude, my angel, b-but could you give me a warning next time?” He gave a crooked smile.

“Next time?” I laughed. “I thought you were supposed to be invincible, Window Man. You're the myth! The legend! There's no way you're gonna get hurt like this again! You're unstoppable!” I assured, grinning from ear to ear. My words must’ve sparked something in him, considering his sudden change in expression. He seemed, happier.

“But, I am sorry for not warning you. I'll remember that.” I apologized to him as I dug through the first aid kit. In there I found some soft gauze and scissors. I began to cut the gauze into two smaller pieces before turning back to Karamatsu.

“Put these two suckers up your nose holes, my dude.” I handed the gauze to him which he gladly took from my hand. He placed the bloody ass tissue on the bloody ass washcloth before he began to place the two pieces of gauze up his nostrils. Once he was finished, he looked back to me with a dazed facial expression.

“Can I- Do you have a bathroom...?” Karamatsu held up his bloody hands, embarrassed to even ask the question. I nodded in response.

“Yep, it's upstairs on your right.” I confirmed as I began to clean the mess on the table. Karamatsu grinned, giving me a thumbs up.

“I shall return momentarily, my love!” He exclaimed before bolting out of the room and up the stairs. God this guy was cute as hell. I just wanted to squish his dumb face.

After disposing the tissue and washcloth next door, I walked back into the room Karamatsu and I were in previously. Just then I heard said Karamatsu scream from upstairs. Screaming. Scream. Always screaming. Please God, let this boy rest.

He came running down the staircase shortly after he started screaming. He then ran up to me, grabbing me by the shoulders in some desperate attempt for consolement. He seemed really panicky and nervous, as if he had just seen a ghost. God that’d be so fuckin rad if this place was haunted. Like, not in a weird ‘Oh dur hur I’m gonna fuckin call up Satan to see if he wants to hang’ way, but like in a ‘I want a nice little friend ghost that’ll leave me sticky notes on the fridge for dentist appointments I might forget’ way.

“What's up buttercup?” I blinked, unclear about what all this screaming was about. I totally forgot whether or not this dude actually spoke English or was just trying to show off with little English tidbits, but I’m pretty sure he got the general message. Karamatsu’s face just contorted with dread, internally screaming.

“My face, my [Name]! My faCE!” He cried, letting go of my shoulders just to desperately search his pockets. He pulled out a pocket mirror, taking a hesitant look at his nose. The horror on his face was absolutely laughable. This dude was such a fucking card.

“You're okay, man. It's just some bruising and redness, you're not gonna die or anything.” I shrugged, pointing to his swelling nose. It wasn't as bad as the broken noses I used to see way back then. It was a broken nose alright, but it was a pretty minor fracture at best. Window Man was invincible after all- somewhat.

“But it's all red around here!” He pointed to different parts of his nose as he spoke. “And there's purple and blue here! It's swelling up!! [Name]... I can't be seen like this…” He whined, gasping as he realized something. “I can't have you see me like this!!!” He quickly turned away from me, hiding his face in his hands.

“Dude, you look fine! Bruising and redness is to be expected when you get a broken nose! At least you don't have a black eye to match! You're pretty lucky! Sometimes broken noses can cause black eyes.” I gestured to his face, which caused him to gasp a second time.

“I'm going to get a black eye??” He whipped around to face me, forgetting why he was turned around in the first place.

“Nah, your fracture wasn't that bad. I doubt it.” I explained, earning a relieved sigh from Karamatsu.

“Heh, of course I won't be getting a black eye! I am Window Man after all! I am invincible!” He proudly stated, already forgetting about his previous dilemma. But, Jesus, dude. Did he just call himself Window Man? Did he seriously adopt the name? God, somehow I was just like, so proud. Good job @ me. The legend has finally recognized himself as such.

Then, I began to feel my face falter.

I had recalled something important, something I really needed to do. After two days of doing nothing, I really needed to be productive. I needed to get things done- Important things done. But...I can't just...kick this guy out. I can’t tell him to leave…

Like, holy fuckaroni and cheese, look at ‘im. He’s just standing there all smiley and shit, wearin that discount faux leather jacket and pants so tight he probably can’t feel his legs. This guy was the angel, not me. Plus, I just helped him fix a broken nose! And on top of that he was really fun to talk to! I would never just abandon this guy!

I wanted to hang out with him more. I wanted to make a friend.

“Hey, uh, Karamatsu.” I began, that said guy turning his attention to me once his name was uttered.

Jesus, I was ready to murder.

Don't look at me like that. Those wide, shimmering eyes, that stupid dorky smile- fu c k. Someone kill him. You’re so, h a p p y. God.

“I'm really enjoying your company, like, you're fun to be around, so…” I trailed off, Karamatsu looking happier and happier the more I spoke.

“Yes?? What is it??” He blinked, urging me to continue with hopeful eyes. God fucking damn it dude. Chill tf out with that cute shit.

“Well, I mean, it doesn't sound that exciting but…” I sighed, unsure if I should keep talking, but this dude’s face practically screamed otherwise.

“You wanna go grocery shopping with me?”

------

Karamastu was the best shopping partner.

He was great with directions, helping me around the store and such. Hell, he even helped me find my way here. I had no fucking clue where the nearest grocery store was. I was almost glad Karamatsu fell off his roof. He also had pretty rad tips on which product was better and why, explaining different benefits to me as if he was trying to sell the product himself. Not only that but he was nice enough to read off signs and labels for me since I could barely understand kanji. But man this guy, to head back to his house just to bring coupons with him, I couldn’t believe how much of a saint he was. I was in such disbelief I even asked him if he stole them from his parents, in which this fucking guy replied ‘Is it hard to believe that I genuinely like couponing?’. Window Man over here even stopped me every once and awhile just to compare me to the light fixtures in the ceiling or fruit from the produce aisle. Karamatsu took every opportunity just to try and impress me with his poetry and pick up lines, and honestly, I loved it.

“Hey Karamatsu.” I snickered from behind the shopping cart, watching the unsuspecting Windowmatsu turn to face me from the other end.

“Yes, my [Name]?” He moved his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose just to take a better look at me, that stupid happy smile crawling up his lips. I tried to hold in my laughter as I pulled a bag of potatoes from the cart.

“I’m really lovin your pick up lines! There are so many things I like about them, I wouldn’t know where to starch!” I grinned, shoving the bag into his dumb face. He looked, surprised, to say the least. He was probably internally translating what I had said to him.

I’ve been learning a lot about this guy. Like, apparently, he knew a pretty decent amount of English despite his poor pronunciation. And he actually fell off his roof often, though he had never gotten a broken nose before. After a few seconds, Karamatsu began to glow.

“Ah! I get it!” He snapped his fingers with a nod, reaching into the cart to take out a few yams. “I yam pretty impressed with your puns!”

“Fucking Christ.” I laughed, trying to not to disturb the other shoppers. “That’s no fair! I only had that one pun! How am I supposed to respond?” I shoved him forward with the cart, pushing his punny ass down the produce section.

“Ah,” Karamatsu smirked, rummaging through the cart’s contents as he tried to keep himself from falling. “That shucks!” He pointed a husk of corn at me, clearly satisfied with his extensive knowledge of English puns.

“Do n o t.”

“Lettuce know if you come up with anymore puns, my darling!” He kept fucking going, cradling a head of lettuce in his arms. This dude was too fucking cute I’m gonna scream.

“No.” I shook my head, causing Karamatsu to falter. He almost looked apologetic, as if he had done something wrong. “You’re already the pun master, Karamatsu. It looks like I’ve been beet.” I pointed to a row of beets on one of produce shelves. Luckily, his apologetic demeanor quickly reverted back to a happy one.

“Heh,” He pushed his sunglasses up the bridge of nose, leaning against the cart I had stopped momentarily to check out some carrots. “Seems as if I possess many talents that impress you, my [Name].” He walked around the cart to stand by my side, getting down on one knee and holding one of his hands out to me. “Perhaps you could consider yourself, a Karamatsu Lover? No, a Karamatsu Angel!” He spoke passionately, his cheeks tinting pink at the mere mention of me being a, Karamatsu Angel.

“Sure dude.” I shrugged, picking out a few carrots that appealed to me. “I’d love to be a Karamatsu Angel.” I finished, placing the carrots into the cart with a smile. I could hear Karamatsu shoot up from the ground behind me, his joyful cheers attracting the focus of the other customers. I didn’t mind the stares at the time, probably because I realized I’m most likely a member of the Window Man fan club now.

“Holy shit, Karamatsu.” I turned to face him, causing his cheers of joy to cease. “Holy fucking shit!” I excitedly took him by the hands, closely leaning into his face. He began to hold his breath, clearly unsure how to respond. He just stood there all stiff, acting as if he was a marble statue.

“What’s a Karamatsu Lover? Does this mean I’m part of your fan club now?!” I could feel my eyes sparkle in awe, resulting in Karamatsu turning red again. God I loved it when he was embarrassed- his face was absolutely priceless!

“I-It’s just as the name suggests!” He attempted not to stutter. “You’re a, K-K-Karamatsu L-Lover! You’ll forever be dedicated to the man of your dreams! Your Karamatsu!” He tried to pose in my grasp, but was too flustered to even look at me.

“Sooooooooo, I’m part of the fan club, right?”

“Y-Yes!” He stammered, trying way too hard to hide his flatter. I let go of Karamatsu’s hands, continuing to push my shopping cart down the grocery store’s aisles with a widespread grin. I could hear the poor guy exhale from behind me, trying to catch his breath as he followed close behind me. Fuck man, he really was holding his breath that whole time.

“Nice!” I continued to smile, watching where I steering the cart as I spoke to Karamatsu. “I can’t believe I’m officially part of the fan club! No way man, better idea- consider, me as club president! We’re all gonna wear uniforms and shit and have some weird fucked up initiation or whatever! Oh man I’ve always wanted to be the Window Man club president since like, three days ago!” I rambled excitedly, turning to Karamatsu. He jumped at the sudden gesture, but quickly calmed down with one of those smirks of his.

“Hey hey, man! Do me a solid!” I poked his chubby cheek, earning a little squeal from him.

“W-Why, of course!” He stammered. “Anything for my one and only Karamatsu Angel- my rose, my venus, my bright evening star!” He spoke with passion, awaiting my request.

“I need you to push me down this aisle! It’s totally empty!” I threw up my arms excitedly, stepping onto the cart’s little edge by the wheels. I took ahold of the cart’s handle, bouncing eagerly as I anticipated a shove. But, no shove.

“Hey, Dudeman McCool,” I turned to Karamatsu again, having the pleasure of seeing his puzzled face. “Push me.” I repeated myself. He looked me up, then down, then up again, stopping at my face. He swallowed, blinking as he walked closer to me.

“My sweetheart, are you sure?” He gaped, looking into the aisle in front of us. “You could get hurt, and I wouldn’t want to cause harm to your angelic bod-”

“For the love of Jesus Christ’s asshole, push me.” Just then I was given a swift push into my backside, the cart soaring down the aisle just as I wanted it to. I found myself beginning to laugh, the wheels of the cart squeaking as it made it’s way down a row of various pastas. I’ve done this a few times before when shopping for my grandparents, but I always had to push myself down the aisles. I was glad to finally have a shopping partner to do it for me.

Eventually my cart halted to a stop just at the end of the aisle, hurried footsteps growing louder as they approached me. I got off the cart to find a worried Karamatsu bolting down the aisle. I ran towards him in response, opening my arms to catch him. The fuck if I’m not gonna take advantage of this moment.

He clearly wasn’t expecting me to pick him up and twirl him around, since he began choking on his saliva the moment I made contact with him. Fortunately, he realized what I was doing and wrapped his arms around my upper body, laughing into my skin. He gripped me tightly as I held him, I could feel his heated cheeks against the crook of my neck, his warm breath gently caressing my flesh. His returned embrace was soft and comforting- he was like a big floofy pillow.

After twirling him around a few times, I set him down, getting a good look at his adorable face. He seemed so happy- those reddened cheeks, his puffy little nose, that sweet smile, his soft giggles, god fucking damn it he was so good. A pure boy.

#ProtectWindowMan2K1X

God this guy was just too sweet, he looked at me with such admiration, as if I was the coolest kid on the block. I gave his shoulder a swift punch, gesturing him to follow me as I turned into the next aisle.

I didn’t exactly have the chance to notice before, considering how much Karamatsu and I have been talking, but this grocery store was cute. It was pretty simplistic- white flooring, white walls, gentle music playing on the overhead speakers, cute old people, Karamatsu’s leggie. Leggie.

Before I was even halfway down this aisle, Karamatsu had lifted his leg against one of the freezer doors ahead of me, his hands placed on his hips. He gave me that suave look again, leaning forward to get a better look at me. Fuck my entire ass. This guy was flexible. Before he could even open his mouth, I opened mine instead.

“You do squats?”

“What?” he blinked, caught off guard by my question.

“Like, yoga maybe? Cuz damn dude, that leggie is fine.” I looked down, observing the other leggie.

“WhoahohoHO! Two perfectly good leggies! Gg @ you.” I nodded confidently, giving Karamatsu a thumbs up. He quickly put his leg down, going 100-0 real quick. This dude transitioned from rad dude to red dude in not even a second.

“M-My leggie-?”

“Ah! Here they are!” I opened the freezer door beside me, taking out a carton of eggs. I briefly looked inside the container, searching for any cracks in the eggs. I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, turning to see Karamatsu.

“What's the haps, daddio?” I asked him. He seemed to already revert back to his cool dude persona, his hands once again placed on his hips.

“I have an important question for you, my hunny.” He began, I nodded for him to continue. “I was wondering if you’d give me some, tips.” He placed his hand under his chin, his shades glistening under the ceiling lights. The lights also made the blood that soaked his gauze more noticeable. We probably should change them later.

“Tips?”

“Oui!” He nodded in confirmation. “My brother Choromatsu has been talking about your work nonstop! You’re his favorite author! He says your writing is unique and eye catching- beautiful even! Why, such words are so fitting for you! You’re truly a masterpiece, my [Name]! No other work of art could compare to you! You simply outshine them all!” He spoke dramatically, holding one of my hands in both of his, since my other hand held the egg carton. “I want you to give me pointers on poetry! My specialty! My art! I want to continue to whoo you with my words of love! I wish to touch your heart further!”

“Poetry, huh?” I blinked, pondering for a moment. “You mean like, poetry poetry, or your version of poetry?” My question had caused Karamatsu to go blank.

“My version…?” He asked, loosening his grip on my hand. “I’m confused. Are my passionate lyrics not poetry?”

“Technically, I guess they’d be considered poetry, but,” I thought for a bit before continuing. “It’s not exactly, what poetry usually is. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I’m just asking-”

“What do I need to change?” He interrupted me, though I knew it was unintentional. “What am I doing wrong? I don’t want to hurt anyone with my words! I only want to express the love overflowing from my heart!”

“Hey hey, your poetic talent is fine! There’s nothing wrong with it-”

“Give me tips anyways!” He hurriedly spoke, clearing his throat before continuing. Once again, he put on that suave look. “I want to better myself~ I want to give people dreams~!” He spoke flawlessly, as if he had said something like this many times before.

Wanting to give people dreams, huh...? I can relate…

“Alright, let’s start with something I find you to be lacking in, which I’ve had the pleasure in noticing.” I started, Karamatsu surprised that I had complied so quickly. He hurriedly began to search his leather jacket for something, pulling out a notepad filled to the brim with notes. He pulled a sparkly blue pen from his back pocket and began to search through his notepad for any free spaces. Jesus the whole damn thing was written in that sparkly blue ink. After Karamatsu found a blank page, he took the pen to the paper and looked back up at me expectantly. He was cute as hell, fu c k.

“You seem to lack the understanding of metaphors, and/or the proper usage of comparison.” I spoke, watching as Karamatsu already began furiously writing notes. “In the song you sang to me earlier, you used phrases that didn’t particularly sound like poetry. ‘My love for you is as big as something very big’, for example.” I looked down to the carton of eggs in my hand, holding them out to Karamatsu.

“Take these eggs for example. Let’s find some qualities about them that we can compare to something else.” I smiled, placing the carton of eggs into the cart. “What can we compare them to?”

“Hmm.” Karamatsu hummed in thought, following me down the aisle as I took out a shopping list from my back pocket. I browsed through my list carefully, mentally checking off the things I had placed in my cart.

“A person?” He spoke up, questioning his own answer.

“Yeah, sure! Let’s compare eggs to people!” I nodded in confirmation, placing my shopping list back into my pant pocket. Seems as if we were done grocery shopping. “What about eggs do you notice that you can also notice about a person?”

“I, uh…” He trailed off, at first confident but then reduced to uncertainty. He seemed pretty lost. “They’re round.”

“Yes, people can be round too! Good job!” I praised him. I could practically hear his smile from behind me. “What else about eggs do you notice?”

This conversation between the two of us continued from the aisle, to the check out, to bagging, and to outside the grocery store. I had Karamatsu think about several qualities of eggs that could be used to describe people. At first he only gave me the obvious answers, such as their color and shape. But as my teachings furthered he seemed to grasp an understanding of what I meant. It wasn’t just its physical qualities, but other qualities as well. He was an eggcellent student; he asked great questions, he was a quick learner, he took extensive notes, and he took criticism well despite being a little sad about it. I even had to double check with him a few times to see if he wanted me to be a little more gentle, but he refused. He said it was good for him, and he really wanted to better his poetry skills.

The city during the day was almost as beautiful as it was at night. The sky was as blue as ever, and the winds were still apparent, but not as prominent due to the many people and buildings. The streets were still lit up with lights, though it wasn’t as colorful as it was at night, due to the sunlight. There were people on the sidewalks and streets, bustling towards their destinations. To my surprise, the city wasn’t as busy in the afternoon, which gave Karamatsu and I the opportunity to carry the groceries comfortably. Karamatsu did offer to carry them all at first, but the poor guy couldn’t even lift himself off the ground, so I ended up carrying the majority of them. He and I just walked through the bustling streets of Tokyo, talking about eggs. I even had the opportunity to teach him about poetry in general, like how to write stanzas in different forms of poetry, or the several ways you can express verses, such as blank verses and free verses. He was getting the whole poetry package.

Throughout our little lesson, Karamatsu continued to attempt to whoo me with his ‘words of love’ and kind gestures. He even took off his jacket in the middle of the street just to place over a puddle so I could cross. I don’t think it even occurred to him that I could just walk around the puddle. When I tried to explain to him why what he did was a poorly thought out idea, he simply responded with ‘This is what gentlemen do for lovely people such as yourself~’. Of course now the poor guy had to not only carry around groceries, but a wet leather jacket too.

This guy was way too nice to me- Karamatsu was such a fucking angel I felt sinful just being around him. I was a fucking sin. I really was. This man was so fucking pure I could feel my skin burning off my bones.

Eventually, Karamatsu and I found ourselves outside an adorable crepe shop. The outside was decorated with flowers and through the glass windows you could see all the beautiful arrangements of crepe combinations to choose from. I offered to buy Karamatsu one, as well as one for myself, but he refused, saying that he couldn’t possibly take advantage of me.

I bought him one anyways just to spite him.

“Is it good, my sweet dude?” I nudged Karamatsu, the guy almost choking on his crepe due to the sudden contact. We were walking down the street of our neighborhood, eating our crepes as my groceries hung from the crook of our elbows. I had the pleasure of eating a crepe filled with strawberries and cream, whereas Karamatsu ate happily from his crepe that was filled with chocolate topping and bananas. He licked chocolate off his lips, turning to give me shy smile as we walked side by side.

“Yes, thank you...” He happily stated before looking back to his crepe, thinking to himself “Ah, crepes are made with eggs too…” Karamatsu thought outloud, nodding to himself.

“Yep. A lot of things are made with eggs. Eggs are really important! They help make all sorts of food that everyone enjoys! Even someone who doesn’t like eggs themselves might have a sweet tooth for cake- and that’s made with eggs! Usually.” I briefly corrected myself. “You wouldn’t have cake to begin with without eggs’ help. Though you’d need other ingredients too, like milk, butter, etc.” I took another bite from my crepe, seeing Karamatsu glow happily in my peripheral vision.

“Eggs are really important, even if people don’t like them sometimes?”

“Yeah.” I answered, hopping over an indent in the sidewalk. “So, Dudeman McCool, what have we learned about eggs and people? What have you gathered from metaphors in general?”

“Well,” Karamatsu began, looking at his crepe, though he didn’t eat it. “Eggs and people share plenty qualities!” He spoke in that dramatic tone of his. “Eggs serve many purposes that benefit people, just as people do to others! People also vary greatly in looks despite having a similar build, just as eggs do. And just like people, eggs may be disliked, but it’s essential that they exist! Without eggs we wouldn’t have certain things that could out branch to even more things, just as people serve! Without certain people, certain things can’t be done, certain things can’t be reached. Everyone is important, eggs are important…” He attempted to recall from memory, turning back to me with that joyful look of his.

“Oh! I get it! Metaphors are a comparison between two things that are unlike, and a reason for the metaphor isn’t necessary for poetry. The meaning of a metaphor is up for the reader to interpret! Though having an explanation in accordance to the metaphor isn’t wrong either!” He excitedly spoke, waiting for me to respond once he finished. I gave him a pat on the back, which Karamatsu took with utmost pride.

“Whoa! Very good! I didn’t think you’d catch on so fast!” I complimented him, causing Karamatsu to turn bright pink. “You’re a great pupil! I’m glad I got to teach you some stuff! We should do this again!” I gave him an encouraging nod. Karamatsu had become Buttermatsu just then. He was so shaky and loose I thought he was going to melt. I must’ve really flattered the guy.

“Heh,” He exhaled, beginning to walk with a swing in his step. “It’s only natural for an angel such as yourself to be so kind to a sinful man like me, trying to bless me with those pure words of yours in hopes I can join you in heaven!” Karamatsu gave me a wink, the hand that wasn’t holding his crepe placed over his heart. I laughed, stopping just outside my front door. We had finally come to my house, which unfortunately meant that we had to part.

“I hope I’ll get to see you in heaven then! We should hang out real soon to ensure that, okay?” I smiled. He nodded vigorously, his sunglasses almost falling off the top of his head.

“Yes! Real soon, my angel!” He agreed, but had suddenly grown blank. His shoulders dropped and he looked down to his feet with this discontent. He seemed a little uncertain just then, his body swaying slightly as his head was cast down. Why did he suddenly just, falter? What made him so upset?

“Do you-...Do you really mean that...?” He raised his head, though hesitant to look me in the eye. “You...really want to hang out with me…?” He breathed shakily, tears pricking those gorgeous eyes of his. I felt this immense guilt rush through me, my heart dropping to my stomach; had I done something wrong? Did I hurt him? I quickly placed down my groceries, enveloping him in a hug. I tried to give him the best hug possible, since I was still holding a crepe. He stiffened in my grasp, his breath hitching in his throat. His arms hovered over my sides, the grocery bags he held shaking just as his arms were. I could tell he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to touch me or not, and honestly it was kinda cute.

Eventually I let go of him, seeing that his tears had disappeared and only a red face remained. His arms were still outstretched, probably out of shock. I gave a short laugh before speaking up.

“Of course I mean it! I’d love to hang out with you again.” I gave his forehead a flick before turning around to unlock my front door. Once the door was open, Karamatsu assisted me in placing all my groceries in the front corridor. Once Karamatsu placed the last bag on the floor, I handed his guitar to him.

“Here man, don’t forget this!” I grinned, watching as he took the acoustic guitar graciously from my hands. He looked at the guitar, then to me, then to the guitar, and then to me again. This guy certainly liked alternating a lot.

“Oh, right! T-Thank you!” He bowed to me, propping up his guitar’s neck on his shoulder. He just stood there, staring at me blankly, crepe in hand. He stayed like that for a while until he finally realized what he was doing.

“Ah, yes, I shall hope to see you again as soon as possible, my darling, my hunny, my Karamatsu Angel!” He attempted to play it off, getting down on one knee just to place a chaste kiss on my knuckles. But not my Sonic- unfortunate. With all jokes aside, I was really taken by that, no matter how unimaginably cheesy it was. Kissing my damn hand? Fuck off d u d e. My face was so hot, jfc. After placing a kiss on my knuckles, he swiftly stood up.

“Let us hope the stars will align in our favor for us to meet again!” He bid me farewell before leaving my house. Guess he forgot I lived literally right across the fuckin street but you know.

I sighed, closing the door behind him. God this guy was going to end me. I began to pick up a few grocery bags from the floor, ready to begin filling my fridge. But before I could even exit the hallway, I heard the strum of an acoustic guitar from outside, a voice shortly following after.

“Ah, my [Name]...they’re just like an egg!”

Chapter Text

It was a surprisingly beautiful sunny day for autumn. Lately it’s been pretty chilly, a few blue skies here and there, but today it felt more like late spring than early autumn. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the biggest fan of hot weather. I’d rather rub my genitals in snow than suffer a day in 90 degree weather- fahrenheit of course. My limit at most is a solid 75-80. But today wasn’t so bad. It wasn't too hot, it wasn't too cold. It was decent weather.

Because it was such a nice day and I should really cease my transformation into a lonely hermit, I decided to take a walk to the beach. I figured I could find a nice bench to sit on, get to typing on my laptop, enjoy the ocean breezes, all that biz. I wanted to continue exploring Tokyo, even if all I did so far was play doctor and go grocery shopping but you know it's like whatever. I had a shit ton of fun with Karamatsu yesterday, might as well enjoy myself even further.

I didn't plan on going swimming, so I didn't bother to wear a bathing suit. I could just swim in my clothes if I really felt like it, I don't fuckin care. I wore airier clothes instead, to get that beach feel you know? I even wore a sun hat because I'm a cool dude who likes to party. I also had the audacity to wear flip flops. I'm so sinful, showing off my foot skin. I also carried one of those suburban white soccer mom bags- you know what I'm fucking talking about. It was old and weird but it could hold a lot of shit so who am I to complain. I had my laptop in there, a water bottle, some snackos because eating is my fav, and my phone obvi.

It was a decent walk to the beach, it wasn't as far as I thought it was going to be. Took me about maybe an hour max to get there. I could've just used the subway station but I really don't care so you know. It was a busier day than normal around the more populated parts of this city, but the farther and farther I walked to the beach, things seemed to quiet down. I was pretty lucky- this meant I could freely monologue without having some douche canoe look at me weird.

I walked casually on the sidewalk available to me, seeing the local beach come into sight just a couple yards away. It was an admittedly nice beach- no trash, clean(ish) water, surprisingly healthy tall grass, pretty sand, and lots of big sittin rocks. Why the fuck would I sit on a bench when there were so many quality rocks?? I will claim my rock. A rock of my own. So I continued down that cream colored sidewalk until it became outrageously sandy. Ah yes, the community made beach entrance, the sandiest part of the sidewalk. I proceeded to turn left, walking down the sandy hills of the beach.

The soft sand slithered its way into the soles of my flip flops as I skipped my way down, the dry grass tickling my shins and salty air kissing the apples of my cheeks. Once I approached flat ground, or well, less hilly sand, I proceeded to look for a nice rock to put my ass on. There were plenty of cool rocks- big ones, small ones, wide ones, tall ones, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. But the rock I wanted, was the coolest rock. The best rock.

Before I knew it, I saw her- the most beautiful rock, placed right in the center of the beach. She was tall, wide, sandy, and smooth. This was the rock for me. I ran towards the rock, jumping into her and letting my ass sit upon her warm soft surface. I let my feet dangle off the edge as I placed my mom bag by my side. The sun’s rays shone through my thin material sun hat, small little streams of light kissing the skin that lay beneath said hat. I pulled my laptop from the bag and set it on my lap, turning it on. While I waited for this stupid thing to start up, I took a quick gander at my surroundings.

There were a few people here, as I noticed before, but they were a ways from where I sat. The beach patrons found their pleasures over by the less rocky part of my sandbank, towels and umbrellas lain over the pastel sands like rainbow sprinkles. Fuck I love rainbow sprinkles.

It was a little odd though, imo. Yeah like, I get it, big rocks hurt the youngins, but it was almost like their placement was too organized. It was if there was an invisible wall between here and where everyone else sat. I shouldn't dwell on it too much though, it's probably not that big of a deal. Until someone tells me to get the fuck out cuz there's some serial killer livin in these rocks I'm not budging.

I looked back to my laptop, seeing that same old bright sign in screen that let my fucking retinas on fire during the night. Placing my fingers to my keyboard, I tip tapped my way in, monologuing as I did so.

“I’m in.” I whispered to myself, opening up my last saved document from the night before to continue writing.

------

It’s been a few hours since I began writing, and gradually people started to leave. It wasn't that late in the day. It was like 2pm dude, like do your kids go to bed at 2:15pm sharp or what? Not only was it still pretty early in the afternoon, but all the people that came to the beach to begin with, started to leave all in a scarily similar time frame. One by one people started leaving, packing up their things without another word. It’d get quieter and quieter- the splashes of sea water ceasing, the upbeat adult conversations reduced to fake ass ‘let's get together again!’s, and children screaming bloody murder slowly fading away as families walked off.

Like, did this beach have a closing time? Was there a tidal wave coming in I didn't know about? If that's the case then fuck off everyone who just ditched me here thanks.

I considered for a moment to start leaving as well, but like, nothing bad was happening. I was compelled to follow the crowd out of cautiousness, but like where's the danger, scoob? Why was everyone leaving so soon? It was probably pure coincidence and everyone just happened to all have scheduled family get togethers this evening. Idk.

So I went back to typing, my dominant hand working the keys while my other hand took out my water bottle from the mom bag. I paused briefly from typing to twist off the cap from my water bottle and drink from it. It's been some time since I drank anything so boy did this water taste good. Once I was finished I capped it, placing the water bottle back into my bag. I cracked my knuckles and then returned to typing, trying to ignore this curiosity that sparked in me. Seriously, why did everyone just up and leave?

But then, it hit me.

Like, it really hit me.

A baseball.

On my thigh.

Really hard.

“GOD!” I gritted my teeth, placing my laptop off to the side to grip my thigh. I wanted to swear. Oh fuck dear lord I needed to swear. But what if some strong ass kid threw the baseball?? I didn't want their parents to get pissy with me I'd actually cry.

“OH SHHH- SUGAR!” I rolled into a fetal position on my precious rock, cringing. My thigh had a fucking heartbeat it was agony. A+ for that sick throw kid but damn my thigh is going to look like the inside of a blueberry pie. I attempted to sit up straight, hearing the sound of swift footsteps bolt across the sand.

“Hey hey!! Are you okay?! I’m sorry!!” I heard a deep voice echo across the beach. I turned to see some guy in a yellow baseball uniform, metal bat swung over his shoulder as he ran towards me. His shadow cast over the beach like a blanket, the sun shining on that boy as if he was the sun himself. He looked pretty distressed, hyper too. He was coming at me so quickly I swear it was like he was being chased by something terrifying- like those nightmare fuel goblins from that one Jim Henson movie. David Bowie was the bomb.com, but those creepy ass muppet shits was where I drew the fuckin line.

But oh man. You know what. I think this dude is one of those sextuplets. I could smell the bowl cut from here. It had to be Jyushimatsu- that upbeat baritone was one of a kind. Guess he was playing baseball on the beach, that's cool. Didn't know he was into sports.

I managed to sit up straight, checking out the huge red baseball sized mark on the side of my thigh- that's gonna bruise real nice later. I didn't really care whether I got a bruise or not, but the pain was unbearable. @ God, you can go ahead and let my thigh bruise up but please, cease this pain in my leggie.

The moment I looked up from my leg I was met with two big worryful eyes. Jyushimatsu was standing on his tip toes, peering over the side of my rock. He had his surprisingly muscular arms draped over the rock, his chin lain in between his limbs. His bat lay beside him, astray amongst the sand and close to the baseball that murdered my leg. His coarse finger-tips tapped rapidly beside my injured thigh, his sandy face plastered with an apologetic smile. He looked so sad, poor guy- that look pained me way more than my leg did.

“Wow that's a really big mark! I'm sorry!” Jyushimatsu looked to my thigh dejectedly, then back to me with that same expression, his voice soft out of guilt. Fuck dude, this guy was so adorable. He’s like a little kid, with his chubby little face and wide eyes. I just wanted to shower his stupid cute face with kisses. I gave Jyushimatsu’s head a gentle pat, his smile growing happier and his eyes bright with joy. It was astounding how quickly his mood changed just by giving his head a pet.

“Aw, don't sweat it. You didn't mean to do it, you're fine.” I assured him with a smile, a sudden idea coming to mind. Might as well since he was here, right? He wouldn't mind, would he?

“You should sit with me!” I patted the spot in front of him, his eyes darting to where my hand was placed. “I’m kinda lonely, let's hang out!” It took him a few seconds to process what I had said, but eventually it clicked with him.

“Ah, sit with you??” Jyushimatsu bounced where he stood. “OoooOOOOooooOOOooo can I reeeaaaaallyy sit with you??” Jyushimatsu practically radiated happiness, scrambling onto the rock I sat on.

“Of course, you silly goober!” I teased, watching him as he plopped down next to me, keeping himself distanced so he wouldn't be touching my thigh. He was literally so sweet what the fuck.

“Thank youuuu!” He grinned, placing his hands on either side of him. He began to lean back, his face basking in the rays of sunlight that shone through the large cotton clouds. He practically glowed with joy, clearly satisfied with the heat that grazed his sandy body. I felt a smile crawl onto my lips as I watched him- he was pure like his brother. Pure boys. So pure.

I didn’t expect to have company anytime soon, but I guess whatever happens, happens. Though I was pretty glad that Jyushimatsu was the one accompanying me. I really only got to talk to him for not even ten seconds the first time we met. Though I shouldn’t be too disappointed about that, we did hug at one point. His hugs were really nice and tight. He seemed like a really swell guy, all joyful and rambunctious. Jyushimatsu was a real sweetheart. I was kinda glad he hit a baseball at me, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to share his company, which felt pretty nice. His happiness was contagious.

With Jyushimatsu beside me, his feet kicking excitedly off the edge of the rock, I turned to my left to pick up my laptop. I once again placed it on my lap, minding my stinging thigh as I tried to recollect my previous thought process. The moment I recalled my idea for the next paragraph, I went to typing.

With each tap of the keys my mind began to swerve off track, my focus dissipating like salt in water. It was difficult for me to pay attention to what I was doing, given that a certain someone was watching me. Wherever my fingers moved, a stare followed shortly after. It wasn’t necessarily annoying, but awfully distracting. Rarely anything ever bothered me, but when it came to writing, I needed no distractions. If staring could even be considered a distraction. Before I could turn to ask Jyushimatsu what was up, he spoke.

“Hey, what’re you writing??” Jyushimatsu asked, pointing to my laptop’s screen. I turned to look at him, seeing his adorably curious face. His mouth was shaped like an “O”, his eyes sparkling with wonder as he looked intently at my laptop.

f u c k

That sweet innocent face.

God fucking damn it.

Consider me a dead man.

“My eulogy.” I answered without thinking.

“OoooOOOoohhh! Wait! I know I know! You’re writing a book! Choromatsu said you’re an author!!” Jyushimatsu happily spoke, nodding to himself. I couldn't help but let out a laugh. This Choromatsu guy must’ve been a pretty big fan to be talking about me that much.

“Yep, I’m writing my second book actually.” I confirmed his statement. “Oh but,” I turned back to my laptop, casually saving my document and turning it off. “No previews.”

“That’s okay!!” He laughed, swaying from side to side. I smiled along with him, proceeding to close my laptop and place it in my mom bag.

“Hey! You should play baseball with me!” He suddenly suggested, raising his arms into the sky excitedly.

“You….want me to play baseball with you?” I looked to Jyushimatsu once more, pointing to myself in confusion. I wasn't exactly expecting an invite to the Jyushimatsu All-Stars but you know.

“Yeah!! You’re done writing, right??”

“Well yeah, for now.”

“Then you should play baseball with me!!”

“Good point, let’s go.” I complied, jumping off my rock and onto the sand below me. My flip flops once again filled up with sand the second I touched ground, the warm grains tickling the soles of my feet. I heard Jyushimatsu land beside me, eagerly picking up his baseball and bat. I looked over to him just as he turned to me, a widespread smile on his face.

Okay!! Let's plaaaaayyy ball!!” Jyushimatsu bolted down the beach, returning to where he previously came from. I hid my mom bag under a crevice of the rock before running after Jyushimatsu- didn't want any ocean thieves stealing my garbage.

It took me some time to make it over to Jyushimatsu, this fuckin guy ran at the speed of light but me, my running could be considered a gentle stroll. Didn't help that I was wearing flip flops either. Those little flippy fuckers were all over the place as I ran. The moment I made it over to Jyushimatsu, he handed the baseball to me. I don't think he even noticed how out of breath I was but whatever- I'm here to play ball.

“Here! Throw it!” He exclaimed, running off a few yards away from me. I took a look at the baseball in my hands, grazing my fingers over the rough material. It seemed to have been heavily used, it's red stitchings frayed and the once white leather scuffed up and dirtied brown. It was probably older than my grandparents tbh.

I looked up from the baseball and over to a bouncing Jyushimatsu a couple yards away. He was swinging around his bat frantically, his legs all over the place as he anticipated my throw. I looked to my left, and then my right, making sure there was no one around to get fatally wounded- I was a lucky soul. Everything seemed pretty safe, there was no one else on this beach but Jyushimatsu and I. Just vast acres of sand, water, and cool rocks.

I tossed the baseball back and forth in my hands, trying to get a feel for it. Eventually I wound up, throwing the ball as skillfully as I could. Then with a loud crack, the ball soared through the air. The baseball was out of the fucking atmosphere, shooting down rapidly behind us and into the sand a fucking mile away. You could see the sand flaring up from way over here, the impact so intense I could've sworn glass was formed.

I turned back to Jyushimatsu, gaping as this dude fucking chucked his baseball bat behind him and began to book it down the beach.

“HOME RUN!!” He began cheering, his silhouette becoming smaller and smaller the faster he ran.

Well fuck me with a chorizo sausage and call me a filthy spaniard.

Jyushimatsu was a fucking beast.

No wonder why my thigh hurts so much.

The ball that hit me was the ball hit by the fucking baseball god.

Rest my soul, how the fuck’s name did that ball not sever my leg from my torso?

“Maybe the big plot twist, is that I’m Window Man.” I spoke to myself, having a fucking existential crisis. Before I knew it this guy started running back, baseball in hand. He began waving it around, laughing happily.

“Good throw!! Good throw!!” He congratulated me, spinning around at fucking hurricane speed. He trotted towards me, gently placing the ball in my hands once more.

“You should throw it again!” He grinned, looking at me with those wonder filled eyes of his. I was still in shock, trying to process my surroundings.

“Dude, holy fuck.” I began, in awe of Jyushimatsu. “You're like, really strong. Like, outrageously strong. You're like some 12 year old kid’s god mod oc!”

“Ah, really?? Thank you!!” Jyushimatsu flushed pink, placing his hands on either side of his face to squish his cheeks. He shuffled from side to side, the sweetest smile on his plushie face. J e s u s. How was he so impossibly cute???

“You’re welcome!” I grinned in response, taken by his adorable stature. Jyushimatsu proceeded to skip his way back to his baseball bat, picking it up and ready to swing.

“Batter up!!!” He yelled eagerly, his butt shaking in the air as he dramatically prepared himself for my pitch. I giggled at his display- he was absolutely precious. He looked like he was having the time of his life, and we haven't even been playing for that long. He was so likeable. That sweet widespread smile of his, those big shimmering eyes, his deep cheerful voice, his adorable silly quirks of his- I don't think there's a person in this world that dislikes Jyushimatsu.

If there is I will fight.

I will fight.

So things went just like that- I threw the ball, Jyushimatsu would hit it across the fucking pacific, he’d run at light speed to retrieve it, bring it back to me, and the process repeated. I honestly wasn’t convinced that a game of baseball was just throwing and hitting the ball on repeat, but Jyushimatsu didn’t seem to care so I didn’t either. This went on for some time until the sun began to lower and the skies began to dull. It was repetitive, but I was having a lot of fun. Jyushimatsu would compliment my throwing skills, run circles around me, cheering my name, and he always had something new to shout each time he came running back to me like ‘RBI Chance!!’, ‘Heeeyyy batter batter!!’, or ‘Coming all the way to home plate!!’. He’d even yell out each strike whenever he missed the ball. With each strike his voice grew an octave, from ‘Strike one!’ to ‘Strike tWO!’ and then ‘STRIKE THREE! I’M OUT! Hey, throw the ball again, [Name]!’. Jyushimatsu was on a different tier of cute, like some sort of unreachable, fabled tier of adorable.

Eventually, the roles changed.

“[Name]! You hit this time!” Jyushimatsu gave me a bright smile as he held out his baseball bat to me. Instead of waiting for me to throw as I usually did, he simply trotted up to me, bat in hand and ready to trade places. I was surprised by the sudden change, but like hell if I'm gonna pass up. I wanted to see Jyushimatsu pitch goddamn.

“You got it, my man.” I handed him the baseball in return for the bat, gripping it in my hands like I was about to smash someone's skull in. The bat was excessively sandy, thanks to Jyushimatsu. It was heavily used much like the baseball, you could tell by all the indents and scratches that peppered the metal bat like an intentional pattern.

I proudly walked over to where Jyushimatsu previously stood, turning to face him once I was in position. I've never actually played baseball before, nor have I ever really watched it- but I have handled a bat before. Unfortunately. So I just kinda improvised a batting stance, waiting for a baseball that never came.

“Ah! Hold on, [Name]! I’ll show you how to swing!” Jyushimatsu happily skipped over to me, dropping the baseball to the ground. He walked around me, placing his hands over mine on the bat. For such a strong, burly guy, he was surprisingly very gentle. He stood at a considerate distance away from me, but was just close enough to puppet me through the process.

“Okay! Put your feet like this!” Jyushimatsu spoke, widening his stance from behind me. I mimicked him the best I could, taking a look back at him to make sure I had the stance correctly. “Hey hey that's great! Okay! Now bend your arms like this, your legs too!” He continued to teach me, guiding me with his presence from behind.

He was really nice, teaching me how to swing a baseball bat. It was also kind of funny to me, considering he barely knew how to bat himself, waving his ass in the air and all that. His presence was gentle despite his rambunctious and loud personality. Even his warm breaths were slow and soft. Not to dismiss his unstoppable energy, he was practically vibrating from behind me. I knew he probably wanted to be more ‘rough’, so to say. He's most likely too used to his hyperactive nature to be so still for so long. He was a pretty considerate guy, staying still just to help me out.

“Ah, cool beans dude! So like this right?” I smiled, swinging the bat fiercely with Jyushimatsu guiding my way.

“Yep!! You got it!! Good job, [Name]!!” He congratulated me, laughing as he usually did. He was practically bubbling with laughter, this guy. It was as if his pure heart was overflowing with so much happiness he had to dispel it verbally.

“Nice! You're a great teacher, Jyushimatsu!” I thanked him, earning another modest laugh from him.

“Awww, nooooooo.” He cooed, giggling his blushy self away as he skipped back to the ‘pitching spot’. He picked up the baseball and looked to me for confirmation. I have a confident nod, going into the stance Jyushimatsu helped me out with. Just then, he wound up, throwing the ball at a startling speed. But I wasn't afraid. I wasn't a quitter. I was gonna be the MVP.

With a crack, the ball soared across the beach, landing a little a ways from Jyushimatsu and I, though not quite as far as when he hit it. As soon as the ball hit the sand, I threw the bat behind me and I fucking bolted.

I was ready.

Ready to be crowned.

Crowned MVP.

Only when I began running I noticed my hands beginning to sting, probably from hitting the ball so hard. It was pretty difficult trying to book it through the sand wearing flip flops, so I mentally said fuck it and kicked them off as I ran. I found myself closing in on the ball, eyeing it from just a few yards away. Before I could get any closer to it, Jyushimatsu slid in like he was trying to make it to home base, picking up the ball from its tiny mountain of sand. Straight after he picked it up, he began to run towards me.

“I got it I got it!! C’mere [Name]!!” He laughed heartily as he came at me, the arm holding the baseball stretched out towards me. What the fuck are you doing, my guy? Like, no, really. Why are you running at me with that ball?? Do not harm me with your balls Juice, I am fragile and good. A good soul. A simple puddle tryna make it big in the city.

……

Oh.

Oooooooooohhhhhhhh.

I get it.

You're tryna get me out you piece of fuck.

Just as the realization hit me, I ran as fast as I could. There's no way in the deepest part of hell I’m getting out- especially since I hit that baseball pretty well. Gg @ me.

I could hear Jyushimatsu’s excited laughter closing in on me as I ran, my pace gradually picking up every time he got louder. He chased me around the beach, in circles and in a straight line. Our laughter echoed through the emptiness of the sandy area, said sand kicking up into the wind as we ran across it. But I couldn't keep this up much longer. There was only so much beach, and so little time until my legs gave out. So I might as well just give in.

It was time for the greatest sacrifice.

The sacrifice of my MVP crown

I came to a halt just a little beyond the surf, giving my poor burning legs a break from running. In almost two seconds flat Jyushimatsu came up to me from behind, enveloping me in hug. I was caught off guard by his tight embrace, but hey I’m not complaining.

He picked me up by my waist, nuzzling his laughing face into the center of my back as he held me. I could feel the vibrations of his laughter through my skin, tickling me. His grip was tight, as I mentioned before, but it wasn't painful. I found myself enjoying the hug, even though I was put in a position where I was unable to return it. Jyushimatsu began to sway back and forth, humming happily against my spine. I let out a short laugh, giving the arms that enveloped me a gentle pat.

“You got me, hot shot, I'm out.” I raised my arms in defeat, finding myself being placed back down onto the cooler parts of the sand. The sand by the surf was probably my favorite texture of sand by far, it was so soft and cold, and easily moldable for sandcastles! So I’ve heard!

I looked to my side, over the rippling ocean, to see the sun lowering from the sky above. It wasn't quite dark yet, but it was around evening time. The sky still had its blueish tints, but other colors were apparent, such as oranges, purples, magentas, etc. The light from the setting sun painted the clouds with various colors, looking much like cotton candy. My thoughts were then suddenly interrupted by Jyushimatsu’s hyperactive voice.

“Ah, that means I win right??” Jyushimatsu asked, walking around me so he could look at my face. He wasn't out of breath like I was, in fact, he looked like he was ready to run around some more. This guy was a never ending source of energy. Scientists should really fucking consider channeling Jyushimatu’s non-stop energy for a renewable resource.

“Whaaat? How would you not know? You asked me to play with you! Don't you know your own rules, silly?” I cooed, pinching his adorable button nose. He gave out a happy laugh, leaving a raspberry on the palm of my hand which caused me to squeal out of surprise.

“Haha! You're funny, [Name]!!” Jyushimatsu giggled. “But Nope! I really don't know! I don't get to play with other people!” He shrugged, placing his hands on my shoulders. “Ah! Let's do something else!!” He suggested with a grin. I tilted my head curiously, smiling along with him.

“Oh? What do you want to do?” I asked him. Jyushimatsu pondered for a moment, looking up at the watercolor sky with that adorable curious face of his. Eventually he looked back at me, giving a nod.

“Let's collect seashells!!” He happily stated, releasing his grip from my shoulders to bound down the surf. It seemed as if he was already looking for them, his hands gladly digging themselves through the wet sand to pick out different shells. I decided to do the same, walking down the opposite side of the surf to begin looking for my own seashells.

I eventually found a nice bumpy spot in the sand, kneeling down to run my hands through the seaweed smelling mud that laid between the sand and water. I could hear the waves churn from beside me, the seafoam and ripples of water finding themselves washing up next to me. Every so often the waves would reach my body, washing my sandy feet with those cold comforting waters. I dug out a few pretty pink shells from the mud, washing them off in the ocean. I brought them back up to the surface, grazing my fingers over the indents and ridges in the shells. They were pretty smooth, they felt nice to touch.

I continued to crawl along the shore line, digging up seashells from the sand. I collected quite a few seashells- misshapen ones, speckled ones, rough ones, soft ones, round ones, and long ones. I collected as many as possible. I used my sun hat as a little bucket for them, dropping my great finds into it. I was having a nice time, collecting seashells. It was relaxing yet stimulating. While collecting shells in general was calming, the act of finding the #best shells was what kept my mind running. I wanted to bring these shells back home to make some nice jewelry or even use the shells to decorate the window sills of my house. I think I had just enough to do both.

“[Name]!!” I heard Jyushimatsu shout from behind me. I could feel his bounding feet through the ground below as he approached me. I stood up from my knees, sun hat cradled in my arms as I turned to face Jyushimatsu. I placed a hand over my mouth, a laugh escaping my lips the moment I saw him running over to me.

This cutie patoot was covered head to toe in beach mud. His sun tanned skin was splotched with mud, his body dripping wet sand with every step he took. You could barely see the yellow on his uniform anymore. When he said he wanted to collect seashells I didn't think he meant diving straight into the mud to find them. Jyushimatsu simply trotted over to me, holding out a large gray shell in his hands.

“Look!! It's super super big!!” He marveled, shuffling closer to me so I could get a better look at his find. The shell he held was pretty sandy, but you could still see the brown and gray shades that stripped across its curved exterior. It was admittedly a nice shell, but it wasn't exactly a seashell.

“Nice find, Juicy! That's one big clam.” I poked the black oozing edges of the clam, it's little slimy body sliding back into its home. “Me millionth dollar.” I whispered to the clam, secretly hoping it’d understand my reference.

“Whaaat?? It's a clam?! Is that why it was making all those bubbles??” He gaped, looking to me with awe. I ended up giggling the moment he looked up to me. He was such a sweet thing.

“Aaah, so that's why you're all covered in mud, you ho.” I concluded, petting the clam that rested on Jyushimatsu’s thick palms. It was a pretty soft clam.

“The ground was making sooooo many bubbles!! So so many!!! So I started digging and found this super huge seashell!! Oh, but it's not really a seashell, huh?”

“Nope, it’s not a seashell. But a clam is just as good!!” I assured him, earning a happy gasp from Jyushimatsu.

“Yeah! Just as good!!” He repeated, rubbing the clam’s shell with his muddy thumbs. “Ah! So soft!!” He wiggled in place, excited purely because of the clam’s texture.

“I agree- very soft! But we should really put him back in the water though, he’ll get all dried out and that won't be good.” I shook my head, Jyushimatsu mimicking my action.

“Ah! You're right!” He agreed with me, planting a slobbery kiss on the clam shortly after. “A kiss for good luck!! So he can find a nice new mud home!!” He held out the clam to me, encouraging me to kiss it.

Hell yeah I’m gonna kiss that fuckin clam.

Without hesitation, I placed my lips on the clam’s shell, peppering it with little kisses. It was grainy and wet against my lips, the taste of salt and Jyushimatsu’s saliva apparent as I kissed it. After smooching the clam, Jyushimatsu swung the clam back and proceeded to throw it across the fucking ocean like a frisbee.

Godspeed, clam.

After throwing the clam, Jyushimatsu plopped down on the surf, eagerly taking off his cleats and socks to let his feet soak in the water. I decided to join him on the ground, letting my legs lay across the rippling waves that came and went. I gently placed my sun hat in my lap, mentally counting the amount of seashells I picked up from before. I could hear Jyushimatsu beside me kick his feet around in the ocean, letting cold water splash against his muddy body. It was really relaxing, spending time together like this.

“Hey, [Name]!” Jyushimatsu suddenly spoke up, tapping his fingers against the sand below him. I lifted my head to Jyushimatsu, taking a break from counting my seashell children.

“Yo, whaddup?” I responded, watching as Jyushimatsu’s eager expression grew into something even more excitable.

“For your next book, you should write about baseball!!!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah!! Write about a baseball player that loves baseball sooooo much they become a baseball!” Jyushimatsu excitedly spoke, pitching his idea to me with silly hand gestures. “And at first they’re really happy!! But then they get sad because baseballs get hit by bats really hard!! So they try to become a person again!”

“Ouch, that must really hurt.”

“Yeah!! Being hit by a bat hurts a lot! Ask my big brother, Ichimatsu!” He explained.

“Oh I don't doubt it. I certainly wouldn't want to be a baseball.” I agreed with Jyushimatsu, giving his chubby cheek a swift pinch. He gave out a laugh, nuzzling his muddy face into my hand. “I'll think about it, though! That's a good idea, Jyushimatsu. I'll make a baseball genre just for you!”

“Just for me?!” He looked up at me, those big eyes of his sparkling again.

“Yep! Just for you, Juicy Juice. I'll write a whole plethora of baseball stories for you- promise!” I removed my hand from his cheek, holding out my pinky to him. Jyushimatsu gladly took my pinky in his, shaking my entire arm.

“WhhoooOOOAAA!!” He happily yelled. “That's so nice!!! You're so nice, [Name]!!” Jyushimatsu complimented me with a vigorous nod, letting go of my pinky. “You’ll play baseball with me again, right?? Because you're so nice!”

“Of course!” I laughed, flattered by his innocent compliments. “We should have teams next time and keep track of points. We’ll have a super big baseball game on the beach!” I suggested to Jyushimatsu.

“Yeah, that sounds really fun!! Really really fun!! I don't know where we’re gonna find so many people though, haha!!” Jyushimatsu began to laugh, leaving me with this sudden confusion.

“We can have your brothers play with us, Jyushimatsu. Though we’d have an uneven number of players-”

“Huh?? Oh nope! My brothers don't play baseball with me! Ichimatsu lets me use him as a bat sometimes for practice, but it's usually just me!!” He pointed to himself proudly. “I'm pretty good by myself!!” He spoke to me as if talking about a special talent of his. It continued to confuse me, his mindset- his brothers didn't even bother to play with him?

“Oh, well, we can always ask some people on the beach to play with us! Have you ever tried ask-”

“Nooope!” Jyushimatsu looked off to the side, pointing to the vast vacancy of the beach we resided in. “I thought about asking, but there's no one here! Like ever!!” He turned back to me, as smiley as ever. “I'm always here alone! I just told you! You're so silly!!” He teased me, placing his dirty hands on my cheeks. He left muddy hand prints behind as he squished my cheeks, laughing that beautiful laugh of his.

It clicked.

That's why everyone left before.

Jyushimatsu was coming to play baseball.

Everyone had grown accustomed to a leave time, because he comes here so often.

No one wanted to play with him.

But why?

Why…

……

Oh.

It's because Jyushimatsu...he's Jyushimatsu.

His loud voice, his rambunctiousness, his strength, his spontaneous personality…his nice compliments, his endearing banter…

“Hey, [Name], your face is all scrunched up!!” Jyushimatsu placed a finger in between my narrowed eyebrows, brushing even more mud against my skin. “Haha! You look like a raisin!!” He continued to joke, unphased by my irate expression. I blinked, quickly dismissing my anger.

He really didn't know… did he?

“Oh yeah? Well, you’re all scrunched up!!” I gave Jyushimatsu a wide smile, laughing as I tackled him onto the surf. Jyushimatsu immediately began rolling around in the mud, dragging me and my seashells along with him.

We both giggled through the surf, mud covering our bodies as we happily journeyed across the beach via rolling. The sun was setting and the sky was growing dark, but we didn't care. Despite the world around us falling into slumber, Jyushimatsu and I were very much wide awake. We rolled around, enjoying ourselves- our muddy, giggly selves.

Don’t worry, Jyushimatsu. I’ll always play baseball with you.

Chapter Text

My first day of college was surprisingly pleasant.

There were a lot of things I didn't expect to happen, one of them being accompanied by a ‘translator’. Basically, someone who attended the same classes as I did this semester helped me with my studies. They translated notes for me since I still barely understood kanji, and they even translated what a professor of mine was saying if they spoke too quickly. It was actually pretty helpful, and the person assigned to me was incredibly nice, though a little shy around me. I’m a pretty fuckin nice person so I know we’ll get closer soon- I hope! I was expecting to face some language barrier difficulties, but that problem seemed to resolve itself.

Another thing that happened to me during my first day, was being asked interesting questions about the US, both from professors and students.

‘Is America that fucked?’ yep.

‘Is Leonardo Dicaprio getting an Oscar that much more important than fixing your economy?’ mhm-hm.

‘Do you guys really fry everything?’ oh yes.

‘Are you Americans honestly that tall?’ you betcha.

‘America is going to destroy itself from the inside out, huh?’ of course!

‘Are you guys okay over there??’ Haha! Absolutely not!

The final interesting thing that happened to me, was the treatment I was given.

People said hello, people asked how I was, how I slept, if my ride on the subway was okay. I was asked if I liked the food here, or if adapting to Tokyo was easy. I was asked if I enjoyed the atmosphere here, and if I planned to live here in the future. I was even given several compliments, about my ‘cool’ outfit or my ‘beautiful’ face- people were genuinely… kind.

I was surprised.

I felt… safe.

It was weird, but at the same time, I liked it.

I liked feeling safe.

Overall, I really enjoyed my first day! My classes were fun, and the campus was beautiful! Despite being in the city, the place was covered in greenery- like trees, flowers, big green open spaces, you know. Everything was up to date, and pretty fancy too- the surrounding buildings, the complexes, even the dormitories were nice (and looked expensive as hell, jesus fuck these people were just shitting money). I almost regretted not staying in one of these top notch dorms, but my grandparents’ second home was just as fucking good! I had creaky ass floors, leaky sinks, a closet that smelt like old lawn clippings, this one edge on the kitchen table that fucks up my hip every time I turn the fucking corner, window man- what could get better than that?

Since I'm taking afternoon classes this semester, I ended up leaving the campus at around 3:30pm. My university, as I’ve mentioned before, was located in the citiest part of the city, the super city, big city, the most city part of the city- so I decided to take the subway to get to and from the university. That way I wouldn't be walking for 87 fucking years just to get there from my house. I got myself a transit pass and everything, which I would have to renew every other month but the price wasn't that bad.

I was currently walking to the said subway, shuffling myself through gaggles of people on the sidewalks of Tokyo. I held onto the straps of my backpack, trying to prevent it from getting carried away in the fucking sea of humans. The only upside to this ‘Survival of The Fittest: Tokyo Walkways’ game, was that the huge masses of humid bodies shielded me from the cold. It was ridiculous how much the weather changed from last week to this week.

Last week was my type of weather- not too cold, not too hot. But this week was pretty breezy. Though my body was warm from the blanket of human flesh, every so often when I lifted my head I could feel my cheeks begin to burn from the chilled winds. The cold winds filled my ears, filtering the voices belonging to the many people surrounding me. Every so often I’d get a taste, a sample of several voices, and then after those seconds of human sound came a rush of cold air. It was a fucking adventure let me tell you.

Amongst my refuge in the sea of flesh, I was protected from the cold winds, though it was difficult to move or see. I was only able to catch sight of people huddling close together, clutching onto themselves for warmth as they hurried down the walkways. Decorating those people were the lights illuminating from the buildings beside us, flickering in and out of the crowds as people moved. It was like some sort of beautiful light show- when people weren’t blocking out the intense glow of the buildings, several shades of neon lights covered the crowd in a gorgeous arrangement of colors. In and out- lights would disappear into the plethora of people, leaving us with only the dim cloudy skies above, but would then return seconds later, gracing us with mere specks of beauty the city life offered.

When lifting my head to check out the scene, it was impossible to escape the cold, nipping at my bare skin like several tiny needles. Despite the glowing neons from the crowd, the sky above was much like a grayscale art work, unaffected by the city. The sky lacked color pigment, there was only shades of gray that melted together under the dull, faded clouds. It was more open than usual because of this, as if the sky broadened itself by ridding pieces of cloud. It was like the type of weather you’d see when it was raining, I wasn't doubtful about that possibility. The sky held really nothing but cold winds and the promise of rainfall, it’s dim, quiet atmosphere differing greatly from the glowing, bustling city below it. In this situation I was either cold but could see where I was going, or warm but couldn't see shit.

Luckily though, I was getting closer to the subway. Through the mass of people I could see a glimpse of the underground stairway just a little ways ahead. I gripped the straps of my bag tighter, burying my mouth into the cradle of my scarf before pushing through the crowds. I couldn't wait to get home and relax, cuddling up into my bed and dropping dead- God that sounded so nice right now. I was exhausted. I may have enjoyed my day, but there was just so much. There was a lot to take in, a lot to adapt to, a lot of people- just, a lot.

I managed to shuffle through the crowd and shuffle down the stairway leading into the subway. Flickering white lights, steel railings, faded paint scratched across the concrete floors, huge columns supporting the streets above, the muffled sounds of people and traffic through the thick ceilings- man I loved subway stations. Especially in those freaky apocalypse movies. Killer, dude.

It was certainly a process, getting back and forth from the university to my house, but it was doable. The lines to get into the actual platform was fucking outrageous, and everything was so closed in I felt like I was going to be juiced like an orange any second. But despite the tedious process, it was my most efficient way of travel- available and convenient.

After 53 years of waiting in that hell line, I found myself walking across my subway’s platform amongst the other platforms leading to different parts of Tokyo. I pushed my way through the several other people making their way inside the white lit train ahead of us. My shoulders colliding with other people’s, my coat catching on someone else’s, and that split second of impending death when stepping over the gap between the train and platform. Like for real, if you don’t feel threatened by that gap of death then you can gladly slit my throat, you deserve it champ.

Once inside the train I swiftly made my way to grab one of the many overhead straps, swinging gently above the stainless steel floors below. I slipped my hand through the loop of the strap, and clinged onto it by it’s neck. Though the train wasn't moving yet, there was no way in hell I was going to give up my spot, placed ever so conveniently right by one of the train’s entrances. I wanted to sit down, but I wasn't going to be an asshole and take a seat that could've helped out someone else, you know? So I simply just stood there like an idiot, a big ass bag on my back and a stupid red face from the intense winds above ground.

I let my eyes wander around the inside of the train as people continued to board. Idol concert posters, ads for restaurants or businesses, pictures of the subway routes, and trash thrown under the crimson red seats. Rust was present above the leather straps of the train, images of a dark concrete wall through the subway’s windows, even the platform I came from located on the other side. There were also signs pertaining to something, though there were no pictures indicating what that something was and I certainly couldn't understand kanji to tell otherwise- this train was packed with various bright colors and intricate designs. It distracted patrons from the rotting trash under the seats and the fucking rust above us.

Like?? Was that even safe?? Would the ceiling collapse on us?? I don't fuckin know. But I will say the second I hear an eerily loud creaking sound, I am jumping out of this fuckin tin can. Tuck and roll, man.

Either way I might die so I might as well go out with style.

Eventually the train was loaded and the doors began to close. People began to hold on to straps above or sit comfortably in the seats under such straps, all ready for the train to start moving. However, one particular set of doors was prevented from closing.

Across from me was a pale, pink tinted hand, lodged between the two automatic doors. It’s slender, gentle fingers tapped against the steel, almost painfully before the doors opened again. The hand retracted back to its surprisingly fashionable owner as they stepped inside the train, breathing heavily as they blew on their already reddening hand.

I took a quick whiff of the air, pondering over the scent I had just smelled.

A bowlcut.

I knew it.

It be one o’ them Matsuno boys.

The boy in front of me was very familiar. Flushed pink cheeks, plush pouty lips, beautiful doe eyes- it had to be that Todomatsu kid. The one that was endlessly trying to flirt with me at the Matsuno dinner, but was prevented from doing so since his visit to Ass Hell™. He seemed like a pretty decent guy, it wasn't like he was trying to be an asshole when he was flirting with me. More a less, he was a guy tryna get with it, you know? He wanted to mingle, I respect that.

I felt it was necessary to call him over, so I could chat with him for a bit on the ride. It seemed he was alone and I kinda wanted to change that. But before I could even open my mouth, Todomatsu spotted me.

The train shook from underneath us, signifying that our trip was beginning. The shake of the train caused Todomatsu to sway, looking up from his hand curiously. Only then did he spot me a few feet from him. He gave me a blank look at first, almost processing my presence. But it soon clicked with him, that cutesy smile of his curling up into his lips as he walked from the center of the aisle to the empty strap beside me.

He hooked his hand through the loop just as I did, though he seemed to have some trouble gripping the neck of the strap. I didn't exactly notice before, but was I taller than them? These Matsuno boys? I knew the heights in Japan differed greatly from the height ratio present in the US, but wow, you know. I didn't actually notice how small everyone was. I was just some great big hulking American, stealing wives, stealing lives, and eating out of the garbage. We might've been a similar height if it weren’t for my elevated shoes, but I don't know. It didn't matter either way, whether we were the same height of if I was taller. I could care less. I just thought the whole ordeal was kinda funny. Like, I’ve hung out with two of these guys already and yet I failed to notice our height differences. I must’ve been too focused on their dumb fucking haircuts to even notice how short they were.

Like no okay, listen the fuck up. Like why the hell would these bitch boys keep the same fucking haircut. And no, I’m not being fucking r00d and saying they should cut their hair for my benefit so I can tell them apart, fuck that noise. Like out of all these various options for hairstyles, a fucking bowl cut man. Were they convinced that this was a genuinely good hair cut?? Were their parents convinced that this was a genuinely good haircut?? They could literally do anything. A N Y T H I N G. And yet when it fucking came down to it, a fucking bowl cut won? A fucking bowl cut beat the shit out of all the other haircuts, asserting hair dominance, like?? I’m literally going to eat my own ass.

“Hey! You're [Name], right?” Todomatsu began to speak, looking away from the strap above him to meet his eyes with mine. I quickly snapped out of my thoughts, blinking as I was faced with two big brown eyes glistening brightly under the white light of the train.

“Last time I checked.” I answered Todomatsu, giving him a smile. “Where’re you coming from, home slice?”

“Oh, you know,” He shrugged, lifting up a plethora of pastel shopping bags in his free hand. “I like shopping in the city! There's a lot of variety, unlike where you and I live.” He spoke with this certain smoothness, the words that escaped his mouth dancing gracefully over his milky pink lips. Fucccko his lips were way nicer than mine. They looked all soft and pretty jesus fu c k. I wanted to touch. Lemmie touch the lips, touchie touch lemmie touch.

Dismissing my newly found obsession for this kid’s soft as hell lips, I didn’t doubt his claim for loving to shop in the city- he certainly dressed like a city boy. He wore surprisingly trendy clothes for a NEET. I was curious whether or not he actually used his own money or his parents’ to buy such an expensive looking outfit. Cream colored saddle shoes, brand name pale skinny jeans, a loose fitting pink sweater, a cashmere scarf- this dude was fresh to death. Him and Karamatsu must’ve really enjoyed being up to date with fashion trends, despite their greatly differing tastes.

“Oh same! There’s a shit ton of variety in the city. You can find literally anything there.” I agreed with Todomatsu. “Oh but, not to say I don’t enjoy living where I do. I love my little house.”

“You’re so cute, [Name]! I bet you have the most adorable house on the block!” Todomatsu complimented me, letting his shopping bags lay against the side of the leg. “My house on the other hand, is an absolute hell hole- I wanna live here!” He gave a short giggle, letting his eyes dart around the subway train almost admirably. Well if you wanted to live here, just move out???

“Oh yeah, that would be pretty nice! God, imagine the view from one of those studio apartments at night.”

“Bright neon lights, gorgeous towering complexes, bustling city life, oh and the rainfall.”

“Holy shit dude, totally. All the raindrops would glow iridescent colors from all the lights, and when that shit hits your window it’s like-”

“Beautiful polychrome glass, showering a never ending spectrum color across your state of the art furniture~”

“Awwhh Fu c k!” I groaned, throwing back my head with a widespread grin. “I’d sell so many organs just to live in one of those. So many organs.”

“Honestly, it’s so tiring living with such useless brothers. They just don’t see the appeal of living the high life!” Todomatsu explained to me, proceeding to then correct himself. “Well, they certainly love money, but they just don’t have imagination!”

“I’m pretty sure your brother Window Man has plenty imagination.”

“Oh please, I mean a realistic imagination.”

“And yours is?”

“The idea of living in a nice apartment in the city is way more realistic than some extravagant love mansion in the heart of Paris.”

“Good point.” I laughed, feeling the ground underneath us jump as the train pulled to a stop. From there, several people began to leave, scurrying out of the train and onto the platform.

“Is this your stop?” Todomatsu spoke up, lifting his perfectly manicured hand to point at one of open doorways. He looked a little tense as he said this, as if he was hoping I’d say no. Well ask and you shall receive, dear Totty.

“Nah, my stop is a little a ways from here.” I nudged him, causing Todomatsu to sway from my touch.

“Aww, you’re so playful, [Name]~” He giggled, nudging me back with a coo. Although I knew he was tryna be cute, I took this as a fucking challenge.

“NononoHoHoNNOHOHO!” I, uh, spoke(?), nudging Todomatsu back, but w a y harder. “You can’t nudge me back- fight me.”

“Fight… you…?” Todomatsu blinked, his cutesy smile turning into something a little uncertain. His shoulders seemed to drop, his face contorted with confusion and this will to keep up the cute façade. “What are you talking about, [Name]?”

“You, me, Denny’s parking lot, we fight.”

“Like, A Denny’s in Japan or??”

“Why no Todomatsu, let’s buy plane tickets right now so we can go to a Denny’s in America, just so we can fucking duke it out.”

“I honestly have no idea whether you’re being serious or not.”

“Todomatsu, I just want you to fight me.”

“Okay okay, fine, cool, we’re gonna fight in a Denny’s parking lot."

“For real though?”

“Did y ou n ot w a n t to??” Todomatsu looked so lost, his innocent exterior slowly melting away. He was so puzzled I don’t think he was even aware that he was dropping his cute persona.

“Todomatsu,” I let go of my overhead strap, promptly placing my hands on his shoulders. “I want, to fight, right now.” In response, Todomatsu just giggled, placing his hand that held his shopping bags on his hip.

“Right now?” He teased, leaning forward to nuzzle his nose against mine. “But why would you want to fight me? I’m so cute.”

“Exactly why I must fight you. I have to wipe that cute look of your stupid face.”

“Aww, you just admitted I was cute~!” Todomatsu sang, releasing his hand from his overhead strap just to place it over his chubby cheek. Jesus fucking Christ, you need to s t o p.

Before I could attempt to duel him right there and then in the fucking train, it began to move again, jumping as it started up. Todomatsu and I ended up shaking with the train, due to letting go of our straps. I managed to keep my balance pretty well, but Todomatsu fell onto my shoulder, wrapping his arms around the center of my back.

“Oh no! I fell, [Name]!” Todomatsu smiled that small grin of his, looking up at me with those adorable puppy eyes. “I’m so happy I have you to catch me when I fall!”

Oh s u r e.

You fell on accident, h u h?

You’re so full of shit.

Cute, pastel shit.

“Whoa whoa! [Name]??? Why are you screeching??? People are staring!!” Todomatsu yelled in a hushed whisper, still holding onto me like a lifeline. Oh man, sorry dude, didn't know I was screaming, as per usual.

“Listen pal,” I began shortly after screaming. “Screaming is like, a thing people do sometimes.”

“I know that but why a r e y o u s c r e a m i n g ?”

“Unimportant.” I shrugged, lifting up my dominant arm to once again grip my overhead strap. My free arm gladly wrapped around Todomatsu’s waist, pulling him close as we continued to ride the train. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

What I didn't expect to happen next, was for Todomatsu to blush.

Blush.

Yeah.

Blush.

This guy acted like he was a Casanova, as if he could get anyone and everyone to wait on him hand and foot and go on dates whenever he so pleased. But right now, this was who he really was. Just like the rest of his boy band- inexperienced and small.

I didn't mean this in a bad way. Everyone feels small and inexperienced at one point in their lives. I certainly have. I may not have known these boys for very long, but it was painfully clear how nervous they were, about everything and anything. Even if that was something none of them wanted to admit. It was just as Todomatsu was now- nervous.

His face was painted with gentle shades of pink, his body stiff as I held him against me. His eyes were dilated with this certain surprise, this certain awe as he looked up at me. His hands shook against my spine and his delicate eyelashes fluttered over those innocent eyes of his.

But this look of Todomatsu’s was short lived.

“Oooo~ If you wanted to hold me so badly, you could've just asked, you know~” Todomatsu cooed, reverting back to his cutsier exterior. He nuzzled his cheek into the crook of my neck, letting his arms squeeze around me almost possessively. I continued to keep my arm nestled around his waist, holding him as if we were a couple- though we weren’t.

He was a really cute guy, Todomatsu. He was fun to share a conversation with too. But, for some reason, our exchange didn't feel real to me. Not because of his cutesy persona, not because of his attitude towards me wanting to fight him, but instead it was something he had an issue with. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, and I don't think he thought that either. But there was this weird feeling inside of me that just screamed inconsistency.

Oh well.

“Hey! [Name]!” Todomatsu grunted from below, poking at my spine with his index fingers. “You didn't even hear me, did you??”

“About me holding you?”

“That too! You aren’t ignoring me, are you, [Name]? The point of a conversation is for it to be shared by both parties, you know!” Todomatsu teased, pressing his nose against the skin of my neck.

“I'm sorry, Todomatsu. I was kinda out of it.” I explained, leaning my head against his. “What's the haps?”

“Firstly! You should really just call me Totty, secondly! You're wearing a backpack right? Do you go to school? As in college?” He hummed, his body growing more limp the longer he stayed in my embrace.

“Yep.” I answered him. “I go to college, Totty.” I stressed his nickname, letting it roll off my tongue naturally as I spoke softly into his ear. I didn't expect it, but I made him shiver. N i c e.

“Oh? What for?” He sang, trying to play off his previous little twitch. “Not that I'm super interested in college, but since it's you I really wanna know what you do!”

“Well,” I began, trying to find the right words. “I plan on being a part of the movie industry.”

“Oh really?”

“Ya.”

“Movie industry… you wanna direct films and stuff?” He blinked, pondering for a moment. He stayed like that for a few seconds before continuing with a smile.

“That's pretty neat! I didn't expect you to say that, though, now that I think about it, it's very like you since you enjoy writing stories so much~ Being an author of course.” Todomatsu cooed, looking up at me with this admiration. He was pretty cute like that- chin nuzzled against my collarbone, his doe eyes half-lidded, that lovely flawless face illuminated by the flickering lights that shone through the subway’s windows. His face would darken, and then glow, repeating in that order every time the train passed a trail of lights lining the tunnels. What a beautiful boy.

“I'd watch your movies, [Name]~”

“Aw,” I smiled, the butterflies in my stomach fucking fist fighting each other. “That's so sweet of you to say, though my goal isn't really directing films. I’d like to do screenwriting, or even storyboarding. There isn't a specific major for those particular fields, but I am taking plenty Film and English courses. It's not really my dream job to be a freelancer, but I’ll really do whatever to get me into the movie making business.”

“I see. Well, I think you’ll do a good job either way!” Todomatsu praised me, once again nestling his face into the side of my neck. I bet my entire left arm that this boy wasn't even listening to half of what I was saying, but I appreciated the compliment.

From there the two of us began to delve into random conversation, and I was honestly enjoying every second of it.

The voices of those around us sharing simple talk, the pitter patter of small feet belonging to children roaming around the aisle, the looming creaks that followed after every jump of the train, the roar of the moving transit gliding over the steel tracks, Todomatsu curled up into my embrace- these were such little, meaningless things that gave me the relaxation I longed for some time before.

------

“Oooo that's adorable~! You work at a cute lil coffee shop, Totto Totty?” I kidded, hand in hand with Todomatsu as we walked up the subway station’s staircase, exiting the facility.

It wasn't too long before our stops came, and it just so happened we had the same stop- go figure right? And out of unanimous vote, we decided to hold hands as we left the subway. I wanted to hold hands because well, I like holding hands. Why the hell not? However, Todomatsu favored holding hands because he ‘wanted to look cute with me~!’, which I was down with. We were pretty cute, and together we formed the ultimate cute- an unstoppable hellish force.

Just as when I attempted to enter the subway station, it was scarily similar just to exit- a fuck ton of lines and very little space to move around. Luckily, Todomatsu and I had a pretty sweet buddy system™, so we didn't have to worry about getting separated amongst the crowd.

I figured the two of us were heading back home, so I asked Todomatsu if he wanted to hang at my place. You know, so we could talk more, share a cup of tea, maybe watch a movie or something. Just some good old fashioned hanging out.

But fuck dude.

Let me tell you, this fuckin guy was ecstatic the moment I asked the question. Todomatsu was practically exuberating joy, tensing up at the mere mention of hanging out. His palms got super clammy and his smile looked too calm to be real. He even broke out in a sweat from trying too hard to conceal his excitement. But in the end, he had to decline.

Todomatsu said he wasn't actually heading home, but heading to his work place just a little a ways from where he lived. At first I didn't believe him. I even asked ‘Hey, if you're supposed to be a NEET, why do you have a job?’, in which he just responded with a laugh. He didn’t actually answer my question, but I think the nervously forced laugh was enough to provide me with my own answer.

“It's not just a cute lil coffee shop, [Name]!” Todomatsu corrected me, skipping over a depression in the sidewalk we strolled across. “It's t h e cute lil coffee shop.” He emphasized, leading me around yet another corner.

This part of the city was way less packed than the rest of Tokyo. It was calmer, smaller, a downgrade of the city life- it wasn't quite suburban, but it wasn't quite urban either. It was adorable and quiet- I liked it at least. Todomatsu said that if you don't have the guts to go to into the heart of the city, then the outskirts was the best thing for you. It gave you a little taste of what you were missing out on in a nice relaxing way. That coffee shop he worked at was located in the said outskirts and was quite popular with those seeking a taste of city life. He said the name of the shop was ‘Sutabaa’, which had a pretty nice ring to it.

“T h e cute little lil coffee shop?” I mimicked Todomatsu with a grin, earning an adorable pout from him. No matter what lighting he was under, he was always just as cute. Whether it be from the gray skies overhead or the flickering white lights of the subway.

“Don't make fun of me, [Name]~ You’ll hurt my feelings~” He gave a gentle coo, stopping in his tracks the second we approached the front door of an establishment. I looked up to see a black awning, the name ‘Sutabaa’ written across the material in big gold letters. I looked over to Totty and then back at the coffee shop, then back to Totty, then back.

Whoa nelly this place looked pretty fancy.

Through the large glass windows you could see the place decorated with blacks and warm browns. The flooring was black marble, which matched the quartzy onyx coloured countertops. The place was clearly open, as there were a few people scattered around, sitting at small circular tables by the windows. And even the employees that worked behind the counters blended beautifully with the shop. They are all young, pretty, fashionable people, which I assumed was the goal target of patrons this establishment interested.

Sutabaa fit Totty well.

“I'm gonna buy a coffee.”

“Hm?” Todomatsu turned to me, blinking those innocent eyes of his.

“You heard me, ass machine.” I pulled Todomatsu forward, placing my hand on the front door’s handle to enter Sutabaa. I stepped inside and immediately the scent of baked goods and coffee beans filled my nostrils. I was indifferent about the scent of coffee, but this scent in particular was heavenly. Gg @ Sutabaa, I came a little.

I proceeded forward to stand in the center of the shop, looking over the counter to see a huge list of coffees and treats that the shop served. Though, again, still couldn't read kanji. Suddenly, I heard Todomatsu give a gentle, dreamy sigh from beside me.

“Wait here, [Name]~!” Todomatsu slipped his hand from mine, beginning to distance himself from me. “I want to be the one serving you~! Don't go anywhere~ I swear I look super cute in my uniform~” He gave me a wink before strolling into the back room just a couple feet away. Guess he had to start his shift at some point.

While I waited for Todomatsu, I looked back up to the menu, using my very minimal knowledge of kanji to decipher maybe one or two words. Each particular item was written in different colored chalk, neatly spaced out between each other along the black board. I was looking intensely at the words written above me, hoping that maybe somehow I’d be able to understand what the fuck these things said. Alas, all I received was strange looks from customers and worryful states from the baristas behind the counter. There was no one in line, just me, standing there, looking like a dumbass.

Luckily, f i n a l l y, Todomatsu walked out from the back room and behind the counter of Sutabaa. My head snapped down from the menu to take a look at the precious kid that made his way to a cash register, ready to take my order.

Totty was fucking adorable. The sleeves of his button up shirt rolled up, tight fitting khakis, a teal apron that lay over his front rather flatteringly- he was so cute what the fuck. He looked at me with those big eyes of his, a small smile curled up onto his soft lips. Todomatsu just fluttered his eyelashes, patiently waiting for me to approach him.

Fu cc k f u cC k Fucc c kKK fuccoKo kkOfuc k.

Todomatsu for the love of god.

P l e a s e.

Chill tf o u t.

Clearing my throat, I walked up the counter Totty stood behind, placing my hands on the edges of the marble. Todomatsu gave a short giggle before speaking.

“Welcome to Sutabaa, may I take your order~?”

“Listen you pink fucker, I can't read kanji and I don't want to look dumber than I already do, so please, I am begging, just surprise me.”

“Alright~!” Todomatsu kept his cheery smile as he punched in an order into the fancy schmancy register. “Will that be all?”

“Can I get some of that sweet ass to go?”

“And a cream filled doughnut.” Todomatsu typed into his register again.

“You can cream my doughnut.”

“That’ll be ¥500 plus tax. What's your name?” Todomatsu looked up from the register, his cheeks tinted pink, though his expression stayed the same. I rolled my eyes playfully, pulling out my wallet and proceeding to pay Todomatsu.

“Why, my name's PussyMaster9000, good sir.” I spoke gently as Todomatsu placed my change into my palm.

“Okay! [Name], then!” He gave a swift nod before walking to the back to get my order for me. I stood off to the side, hanging around Todomatsu’s designated area as I waited for my coffee and surprise doughnut. It wasn't too long before he returned, placing a cute little brown bag and a cup of hot coffee on the countertop.

“[Name]~ Your order~” Todomatsu announced quietly, since I was standing literally right there. I grinned, sliding back to where I was to retrieve my items.

I almost dropped dead then and there.

A phone number was written in red sharpie across my coffee cup.

There was even a little heart under it with a ‘Call Me~!’ written in cursive. In English too.

This fucking guy was more cliché than Karamatsu.

Wait no, that's a lie.

“Thanks, honeysuckle~!” I spoke, taking my items into my hands. I made sure to thank him really really loudly so people would look at us- oh boy it was bliss seeing this guy turn red.

Right there and then I left him in the dust, giving Todomatsu the splendid opportunity to bask in the stares of the coffee shop patrons and employees.

The moment I left Sutabaa, I quickly placed my little doughnut bag on the ground, pulling out my smartphone to call the number written on my coffee cup. Placing the receiver to my ear, I looked through Sutabaa’s big ass windows. I eyed Totty as he frantically searched his back pockets from behind the counter. Once he found his phone, he walked off to the side, answering it in that cutesy voice of his.

“Hello~? Who's this?”

“Heeeeyyy Tater Tots~” I cooed over the phone, causing Todomatsu to whip around from where he stood. Our eyes met through the glass and I gave him a little wave.

“What're you wearing~?” I blew Todomatsu a kiss, watching his cutesy smile reduce to a frown.

Todomatsu’s face spoke to me.

It said, ‘please let death take me.’

“Khakis.” He spoke blankly before hanging up on me.

Chapter Text

I adored rainy days. The smell of wet asphalt, the dark gray skies plagued with stormy clouds that strayed from one another, the sound of raindrops pattering against the ground with little harmonious plips- god it was heaven. I loved days like these the most. They were relaxing, beautiful, they made me happy. There was just something about these stereotypical gloomy days that made my heart race and my stomach churn with joy. So you could only imagine my excitement when I found out it was going to be raining all day. Gg @ my trustworthy weather application.

It was around 9am, I was in the outskirts of the city where Todomatsu worked, traveling to the nearest subway station to get to my university. I had a clear, plastic umbrella gently perched upon my shoulder, my hand gripping the smooth white handle as my shoes kicked up puddles of water scattered amongst the indented sidewalk. Every so often I had to pause during my walk, adjusting the straps of my backpack to sit comfortably on my shoulders due to it slipping from my wonderfully oversized jacket.

I'll say it again, I adored rainy days. I was so entranced by the rain, looking up from the vacant pathway ahead of me just to take a look at the droplets of water that poured down onto my umbrella. Through the clear, stretched plastic I could see the raindrops scattered across its surface. The particles of water formed into little orbs once they impacted with the plastic, slowly dripping their way down the crevices of the umbrella shortly after. You could feel the coolness from the water that speckled my umbrella, it felt wonderful against my face as I looked up at it. The stormy skies overhead was what really made it though- I was a sucker for apocalypse stereotypes, if you couldn't tell already.

As usual, I must’ve looked like a complete idiot, casually sloshing through puddles, getting the hems of my pants soaked, and not fucking watching where I was going. It was honestly a fucking miracle that throughout my years of zoning out while walking I haven't walked into the middle of a street and got hit by a car. You're a real homie @ God.

Though while I walked, admiring the sky, I suddenly heard a voice spouting out various swears and threats. My head snapped down to the pathway in front of me, catching the sight of someone a few yards away, violently punching the air.

Damn, the rain’s gettin fucked.

I'm witnessing a fight between man and the forces of nature.

It's real as fuck rn.

Curious, I began to walk a little faster, wanting to see this mystery person fighting the fuckin rain. The closer I got to them, their image became clearer to me.

This person seemed to be a girl- wearing a short pleated green skirt, dark pink turtleneck sweater, and adorable chocolate pigtails put up with yellow ribbons. I couldn't see her face, seeing as I was approaching her from behind, but she was probably super cute. Her outfit was adorable, so by default the rest of her was just as cute. She also had grocery bags hanging from one of her forearms as she fist fought the air, the bags rustling along with her movements.

Now, let's think- why is this girl dueling the rain? Seeing as she was right beside a lot holding the grocery store I've visited a week before, and she was holding grocery bags, I can only conclude that she had just left the store. I can can only further prove my theory by taking note of her barely wet clothing. She wasn't holding an umbrella, so it didn't make sense for her clothes to still be a little dry. But why didn't she have an umbrella? It's probable that perhaps she left it in the store, but why not go back inside to get it? It's most likely that she went out grocery shopping earlier in the day and didn't realize that it’d be raining later on.

In conclusion- this girl was fighting the rain because the rain basically told her to go fuck herself.

Being the Saint I was, I strolled over to her side, lifting my umbrella in such a way to let it cover us both. I couldn’t just let her suffer in the autumn rain. The poor girl could catch a cold. The least I could do was ask her where she was headed and walk her home, depending on how far she lived. I didn't want to miss my ride after all.

The moment my umbrella hung over her head, the girl ceased punching the sky. She quickly straightened her posture, yet her arms were still frozen in place over her head. She slowly began to turn towards me, her surprised eyes meeting mine.

Holy Clitoris Town, Batman.

She was super cute.

Pink tinted cheeks, a sweet round face, a boopable nose- she was absolutely precious, an angel even. Her big brown eyes sparkled gentle shades of gold under the grocery store’s lights beside us, her supple, pale pink lips pursed gorgeously. Her palor skin was speckled with droplets of water, dripping down her face almost elegantly.

I had to mentally pinch myself at this point, I can't just stare at this girl for so long- I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

“Hey, you look a little wet there.” I spoke up softly through the patter of the rain, the girl lowering her slender arms by her sides. “Do you feel comfortable enough to let me walk you home? You can say no.”

“Walk me home?” The girl blinked, her expression a mixture of confusion and caution. She proceeded to hold up her index finger, her posture stiffening as if she were about to lay down some serious business.

“Wait a sec.” She blankly spoke, tilting her head to the right. The girl began to look me over as if she were thoroughly analyzing me, her careful eyes inspecting every inch of my body. I stayed still as she eyed me, curious why she decided to do so. She eventually cocked her eyebrows, nodding to herself as if she were impressed with something.

Whoa whoa whoa.

Was she- hold the fuckin phone.

YooOOoooOoohoHOHOHOHOOOO

This girl was totally checking me out.

“Yeah, you can walk me home.” The girl looked up to my face ecstatically, happily clasping her hands together. I didn't think she’d agree so easily to a stranger asking to walk her home but hey, at least I knew I wouldn't hurt her.

“Oh uh, yeah! Let's go, lead the way.” I said, giving her a smile. I lifted my elbow and held out the crook of my arm to her, still steadily keeping the umbrella over us.

“Sure.” She proudly linked her arm with mine, comfortably nuzzling her wet side against my own. The moment her cold body met my warm one, I could see her visibly relax. Her shoulders dropped, her breathing slowed, and her eyelashes fluttered ever so gently.

With a sharp inhale she started walking, myself obediently following alongside her. I listened to the confident click of her heels as she strutted down the sidewalk, taking note of her small, soft hands clutching one another against my forearm.

We must’ve looked pretty cute, this girl and I. She was a lot tinier than me, considering I was, as described before, a big hulking American. She was just this short, adorable, curvaceous girl, clutching onto a tall, incredibly hot, stunning person such as myself.

Aw oh my gosh, we must’ve looked like such a cute couple. Like, I'm this adorable girl’s big buff partner that’ll fight anyone who tries to hurt her. I’d carry her around in my burly arms, bench press her, have her sit on one of my sick biceps when I flex- though to do these things I’ll have to get fuckin ripped first.

Oh but, honestly, the roles should be reversed now that I think about it. This girl looked pretty threatening gettin up in that rain’s business like that. She was unleashing hell on those cloud tears.

Ooooo, that means I’ll be the one getting carried in her burly arms. Ohohohoho~

“Hey I’m [Name], by the way.” I looked over to the girl, deciding to share a conversation with her. “You got a name, Rain Goddess?”

“Hm?” The girl turned to me, blinking innocently. “Oh, my name's Totoko.” She spoke smoothly. “You don't know me?”

“Should I?” I gawked, confused by what she was saying. Did she mistake me for someone she knew or something? Is that why she agreed so easily to my offer to walk her home?

“Of course you should! I’m a rising star- Yowai Totoko!” She cocked her head in surprise, genuine in her puzzlement. But that surprise of hers quickly turned into something of uncertainty. “Everyone knows me…” Totoko’s words trailed off, her grip on my arm loosening.

Totoko’s eyebrows were furrowed sadly, but her eyes were conflicted with disappointment and offence. It seemed like she wasn't sure how to feel about this, me not knowing her that is. It was as if she hadn't been faced with a person not knowing who she was before. She must’ve been the bee’s knees. I really didn't mean to offend her…

“I'm sorry, I’ve only been living in Japan for almost 2 weeks now-”

“2 weeks?” Totoko suddenly interrupted me, pondering for a moment before continuing.

“Alright then! You're forgiven, [Name]~ 2 weeks isn't a lot of time to be able to find out about me!” She nodded to herself in confirmation, considerably much happier than she was before. I couldn't help but smile- she was just so cute, this girl.

“Ah, thanks.” I gave a short laugh, admiring that adorable smile of hers. “I’m glad I get to be in the presence of a star- feels cool. You must be pretty popular.” I complimented

“Why, thank you! I am pretty popular!” She proudly stated, stopping once we approached a pedestrian crosswalk.

The crosswalk was fading, the white paint scratched away upon the black street beneath it. There were two streams of water flowing down on each ends of the said crosswalk, kept in their places by the bordering sidewalks. The rain that fell from the sky pooled beautifully upon the black concrete, rippling away down the indentations of the street and into the flowing streams.

Like, holy shit dude this street was practically a swimming pool. There was so much water. I could break out my swimsuit and an inflatable tube right now if I wanted to. Totoko and I could just go tubing down the street to her place. Fuck it, we could swim laps down this street to get there. We’ll make it a race.

Totoko turned to her right to press a large red button placed conveniently on the large steel pole beside us. Once the button was pushed, a panel attached to the pole, above the button, began to blink in red LED lights. The image of a red person standing glowed upon the panel, the red light cutting through the dimness of the rain and projecting a little spotlight upon the sidewalk Totoko and I stood on. Even though the street was fairly vacant of cars, dear Totoko and I respected the law and stood, waiting for the opportunity to cross.

Eventually the LED lights emanated green, the person on the panel now visibly walking. Before Totoko and I could begin to cross the street, something suddenly came to mind.

This poor girl was wearing Mary Jane heels. She’s going to get her feet wet. She was already shaking just from the rain she endured earlier. If she tries to walk through this, she's going to suffer.

“Welp. Up we go, Tototaco.” I spoke up, unhooking our arms so I pick her up.

“Hey hey hey hEY DON'T FUCKING TOUCH-… me…” Totoko began to thrash the moment my arms wrapped around her, but quickly calmed down once I held her bridal style.

She wasn't that heavy, so it was easy to carry her down the crosswalk. Though she lay in my arms, my hands were free to grip other places- one of them propping up her legs and the other holding the umbrella over Totoko’s head. She needed it more than I did.

I treaded across the water that flowed through the street, keeping Totoko safe and sound in my embrace. The water from the street drenched my pant legs, my socks sloshing with every step down the crosswalk. My head was pelted with rain, the water pinching my skin in fast, rhythmic motions. Once the rain attached itself to me it began pouring down into the collar of my jacket, grazing over my warm, dry skin. I tried not to scream bloody murder or shimmy around, I didn't want to scare Totoko, but yikes, that shit is cold as fuck.

“Hey, how's Totoko land down there?” I looked down to the girl I carried, giving her a grin.

Right then my heart began to beat furiously in my chest.

Jesus penetrate my throbbing asshole, this girl was so b e a u t i f u l.

Totoko looked up at me with wide, awed eyes, her mouth ever so slightly agape. She was speechless, confusedly fluttering her eyelashes and inaudible mumbles escaping her milky lips. Her beautiful pigtails lay softly on her shoulders, a few stray curls framing her round chin, sticking to little rain droplets freckling her skin. Totoko also had her groceries placed over her chest, her motionless arms wrapped gently around the bags. It was a shame, really, that her gorgeous pink face was so unnoticeable under the shade of the storm.

Totoko truly looked breath taken.

Why though?

The second I made it across the street, I gently placed Totoko down on the sidewalk, carefully aiding her to stand.

“And that concludes our ride, Miss Totoko.” I smiled, giving her shoulder a gentle tap. “C’mon, lead the way. Where to from here?” I asked, earning nothing in response. Totoko just stared at me, awed as she was before.

Like, no, seriously, did I have something on my face or?

“You okay?” I kneeled down a little to meet my eyes with hers, causing Totoko to flinch.

“Hahaha yes of course!” She nervously began, then clearing her throat to recompose herself. “I was just surprised~” she cooed. “I didn't think you were so… I-I mean, when you put your hands on me I thought you were gonna turn out to be a creep but, well… ” She trailed off, rubbing the back of her neck.

“Whaaat? No way I wouldn't touch you like that.” I shook my head, readjusting my grip on the handle of my umbrella. “You're wearing a mini skirt and heels, I can't just let you cross the street when there's a fucking waterfall makin its way downtown, walkin fast, faces pass, and I'm homebound. You’ll catch something dude, I can't let you suffer like that.” I finished, watching Totoko’s sweet face flush upon my explanation.

Jesus fuck c’mon Totoko, p l e a s e stop torturing me with this cute face of yours. I’m going to p i s s.

“Oh but, hey let's get going! My train leaves in like 20 minutes.” I spoke up again, causing Totoko to jump out of her thoughts.

“Oh! Yep! Let's go!” She agreed, turning on her heel to continue down the sidewalk. I walked beside her, holding my umbrella over us as she led me to her home.

It wasn't too long in our walk before I noticed a rustling sound coming from Totoko, which caused me to turn to her. The poor girl was shaking, cold from the wet rain that previously pelted her body some time before. Totoko was attempting to rub her arms for warmth, her groceries shaking along with her fast paced movements. She was shaking so rapidly I thought she was gonna shake herself into an alternate reality. Damn Totoko, send sweet pics while you're gone.

“Dude, seriously.” I sighed, causing Totoko to turn to me with a raised eyebrow.

“W-What?” Totoko’s teeth chattered, her body vibrating from the cold. I simply just offered my umbrella to her in response, which she took from me without question. Right then I slipped off my back pack, placing it against a building we stood by as I proceeded to unzip my jacket. I then took it off, draping the thing over Totoko’s shoulders.

“You are safe now, my sweet child.” I memed, making sure my jacket hung comfortably over Totoko’s petite body. She was sparkling at first, clearly flattered when I draped my jacket over her shoulders. She looked at me in the same way an average teenage girl would look at her otome husband. But the second I spoke, her wonder filled face faltered.

“Did you just pull an Osomatsu?”

“My dear Totoko, what you're supposed to say is ‘I owe you my life’.” I corrected her, causing Totoko to exhale exasperatedly.

“I owe you my life.” She complied, handing my umbrella back to me with this adorable pouty look on her face. She seemed embarrassed, both by my kind gesture and my memes. I couldn't get over how cute this girl was. Hell, I couldn't get over how easily she played along with my awesome meme reference. She was a pretty rad chick.

I gladly took the umbrella with a grin, slinging my backpack over my shoulders, and then holding my umbrella over the two of us once more as we continued forward.

“Hey, so you mentioned an Osomatsu,” I attempted to start a conversation. “Is he maybe Matsuno Osomatsu?” I questioned, causing Totoko’s face turn white.

“Oh my god.” Totoko paled, her voice void of emotion. “You know them, don't you.” She emphasized the word ‘them’, lacing her sentence with venom.

“Them?” I laughed. “I'm pissing straight through my ass, you said that so menacingly.”

“For a good reason.” She rolled her eyes. “Those boys are filth.”

“Same.”

“No, I mean they're gross perverts, [Name]. They smell like hot piss and dirt.” Totoko explained further. “They may be childhood friends of mine, but I'm not gonna to lie, they're shitty useless losers.”

“Tell us how you really feel, Totomoto” I teased her.

“Seriously though, you know them right? You should know what I'm talking about.”

“I can see why you think that way, if that makes you feel any better.” I shrugged. “Though my opinion of those guys differ a bit from yours. I agree that they’re losers, but I don't think they're shitty or useless. I think they’re really fun, and they make great company.” I admitted, giving Totoko a smile. “But, you know, they're your childhood friends so you've known them much longer than me.”

“Great company, huh?” Totoko began to giggle, placing a hand over her mouth to catch the laughter that escaped her lips. Though, after her fit of giggles, her face took on a more thought provoked expression. She stayed like that for some time, seeming to ponder over some things before continuing.

“I guess...I guess I can agree with that.” She hesitantly admitted, pulling my jacket’s collar over her mouth as to conceal her embarrassment. “I mean, I like to be endlessly showered in compliments and gifts so…” Her words trailed off, her eyes half lidded as she looked down to her feet. “I like being paid attention to, even if the attention comes from absolute fucking idiots…”

Awwww, Totomokolocototakosakoyakoko.

You like those Matsuno boys, don't you Squidward?

“[Name],” Totoko tore me from my thoughts. “I will rip off your face and staple it to your ass if you tell those sextuplets I enjoy their company- sometimes.” Totoko suddenly spoke up, looking at me as if I was her next victim on her hit list. Her eyes were sharp, narrowed, and filled with blood lust, her eyebrows knitted together furiously as she stared daggers into my very soul.

Ohoho boy,,,,,,,

Ngl, that murder look turned me the fuck on.

I would gladly let Totoko hurt me.

Hell, I’d probably say thanks the moment her fist meets my jaw.

“Totoko, how much do you charge to step on people’s faces?”

“What?”

“You smell really nice!” I quickly saved myself before Totoko could rule me out as a creep. Though, that sentence was probably just as bad as the previous one. Damn. Foiled again.

“Really??” She jumped, a smile stretching across her beautiful face. “I can't blame you for saying that! Fish have the most gorgeous scent!” She cooed happily, spinning around beside me. “I make sure that I smell just like a beautiful piece of tuna every day~! They're such elegant, goddess-like fish~! Such a fish is perfect for a girl like me, don't you think?”

“Oh yeah, you're a beautiful tuna goddess, Totoko!” I agreed with her. “Salmon, mahi mahi, halibut, mackerel- boy do I love fish.” I played along, trying to stay loyal to my ‘save sentence’.

“You love fish too?” Totoko ceased spinning, placing a hand over her heart. Her eyes glowed with unimaginable joy, using her free hand to link her arm with mine so she could snuggle her face into my upper arm. “I'm so glad! I've finally found someone that appreciates the beauty and worth of fish as I do!” She exclaimed, praising me with her fish lingo.

Man she really liked fish.

Like

A lot.

Like

Strangely a lot.

Before I could ask her more about her fish fetish, the most fucking shoujo thing happened.

Everything seemed like it was going in slow motion.

Neither Totoko nor I saw this coming.

Totoko suddenly tripped over an unusually large indentation in the ground, her arms outstretched and ready to catch herself. I attempted to help her, quickly wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her close to me. With a sharp gasp from Totoko and the squeaking of my shoes, the two of us found ourselves performing a French dip.

It was silent just then.

All the noise that previously plagued the skies.

It was all gone.

The patter of rainfall, the roar of passing vehicles, the chatter of pedestrians accompanying us on the sidewalks.

Nothing.

We just looked at each other, in awe, in surprise. We could hear nothing but our warm breaths brushing against each other's lips, just soft, little heaves grazing our delicate flesh. It contrasted greatly with the cold that surrounded our warm breathing, leaving our faces warm, but our bodies left freezing. Our numb noses touched, gently nuzzling each other as clingy couples would. My hands were placed roughly on her backside, due to the sheer fear of Totoko failing before my eyes. In return her hands were cupped over the back of my neck, keeping our faces close, keeping our wet bodies closer. Totoko’s left leg was arched over my back, her heel digging into my lower spine, though the pain of her heel was quickly dismissed from my mind once I felt the soft squish of her thigh against my waist.

But the most shoujo thing of all.

Her eyes.

God, her eyes were so beautiful. They were moist and shiny under her raindrop speckled lashes, glistening something that of admiration, even want. The gold color that blessed her irises were more apparent now, beautiful decorating her eyes as if to serve as sparkles.

Totoko had suddenly moved her hands from my neck just then, letting her fingers graze over my wet skin before cupping my cheeks. I had no idea what she was thinking from beneath me, or how she saw me, what she thought of me. The only thing I knew… was that my fucking umbrella was getting blown down the sidewalk.

Before I could release Totoko, before I could apologize to her, she began to slowly pull my face closer to hers. Her dreamy eyes were still focused on mine as she was about to fill the little gap between us.

Whoa

W h o a

W H O A

Are we gonna kiss?? For realsies?? Like?? Right now??

Oh my god oh my god I'm gonna kiss a cute girl in the rain all romantic like holy fuck I can't wait to call my grandparents and tell them I'm a fuckin winner.

I'm abouta kiss a c u t e girl.

Holyuyoy s hitut.

“Oh look! We're here!” Totoko snapped her stare away from mine, reverting back to normal as she pointed out the building next to us. I turned to what she was gesturing to, trying to dismiss in the back of my mind that a fucking building just cock blocked me wow thanks.

Before us was a simplistic fish market of sorts, decorated with adorable fish decor and red lanterns lining up over the awning. The shop appeared to be open, since there were several people inside that were currently looking out at Totoko and I about to perform some classic romantic movie scene. Once the two of us saw this, we quickly pushed away from each other, giving the fish patrons inside a wide awkward smile.

“Oh uh, haha, well,” I sputtered, feeling my face heat up viciously. “I'm glad you got home safe! Happy to help!” I laughed nervously, taking a mental note of the reason why she liked fish so much. You know, because she worked at a fish market I guess?

“Yeah, thank you, I appreciate not walking home without an umbrella…” She responded to me with the same amount of nervousness I held, though she recovered much quicker than I did.

“Welp, here's your jacket!” Totoko grinned, already sliding it off her shoulders.

“Ah, you know what, you can give it to me the next time we meet! My umbrella said it’d meet me at the subway so I really should get going!” I flailed my arms, taking a few steps back. I wasn’t sure why I decided to let Totoko keep my jacket for the time being but fuck it everything is shoujo now anyways.

“O… kay?” She blinked, sliding her arms through the sleeves of my jacket instead of draping it over her shoulders. “Well…” Totoko paused, smacking her lips before casually entering the fish market. “Bye bye, Memelord.”

And with that the door was shut.

Hoo boy.

That was something.

Might as well go find my umbrella and high tail it outta here.

The second I turned on my heel to search for my umbrella, I found myself faced with a drenched purple suit.

I looked up to see a super tall dude, sporting a bowl cut bob, buck teeth, and a fancy thin mustache. He wore a worn out purple dress suit with gold buttons and red heeled saddle shoes with pointed toes. He had a cat latched onto his right hand, biting and clawing at his skin like it was about to commit murder™. The tall dude had this bewildered look on his face, his stare alternating between my soaking wet body and the fish market located a few feet behind me. Before I could speak up, this dude took the words right out of my mouth.

“What the fuck, zansu?”

Chapter Text

“Did you get those digits, tho?”

“Grandma.”

“I mean, from what you're telling me, clearly this girl was into you. You got her number, right??”

“No, I didn't. Her house cock blocked me, remember?”

“Yeah and you gave her your jacket like a lil’ bitch.”

“Let me live I panicked.”

“[Name], the next time a cute girl you like makes a move on you, get her fucking number.” My grandma scolded me over the phone, her usual gentle voice laced with venom. I never thought my grandma would be so livid over me being a fuckin wuss and not getting a cute girl’s number.

“Yeah yeah, I know, I hear you.” I sighed, flipping through the cash money in my hand like I was some rich guy making his way to the gentlemen’s club.

It was a Saturday afternoon, a couple days since the Totoko incident. I was in the citier™ part of the city making some bank withdrawals, since I planned to eat out later that night. Treat yourself, amirite? Thank god for international banking. I was currently scurrying my way down the surprisingly vacant streets of the city, counting the yen I had just received to make sure I got what I asked for. The city was usually fuckin packed on weekends, but I guess it was too cold to do anything- thus the lack of crowds. I however, was a champ and could power through the cold.

The weather had been like this for a while now- gray skies, cool winds, and cloudy. I wasn't complaining, but a change of pace sounded nice. Damn, the earth’s atmosphere is repetitive as hell. Use your fuckin imagination, earth’s atmosphere. Stop reusing old material jfc.

Though, during my walk back home, I suddenly received a call from my grandmother. She was checking up on me, as per weekly usual. But like, damn, isn't it super late where she is right now? Isn't she supposed to be in bed? Tbh Godspeed Gma. Livin life large. Livin like Larry. Since she decided to call me so late at night over there, I thought I'd be in good nature to give her what she wanted- those sweet deats.

So it commenced from there- me walking down the street, cash money in my hand, and the muffled screams of my grandmother over the receiver. I pretty much told her everything, from Window Man’s Egg Song to my accidental seduction of a fish girl. My grandma was pretty ecstatic to say the least, gushing over Jyushimatsu’s innocent sincerity and Todomatsu’s fake ass- she adored my stories. She loved what I had to say. She cherished every little thing I shared…

At least I inspire someone.

At least I’m important to someone.

It feels nice… knowing that she’s genuinely interested in what I say…

My grandma paid attention to me, she encouraged me, she loved me.

I love her too.

“How about those Matsuno boys, [Name]? Did you get any of their numbers?” My grandma snapped me back from my thoughts.

“Oh! Yeah, actually! I got Todomatsu’s number! He freely gave his number to me too! I didn't even have to ask!”

“That's fuckin baller, [Name]. Gg. Did you call him yet?”

“Nah, well, yes. In sense.” I sputtered.

“Explain.”

“Well I called him just outside his work place, asking what he was wearing, while making eye contact through the window.” I explained briefly, earning a slow sigh from my grandma.

“Did you also inhale the scent of his underwear when you broke into his house and ransacked his closet?” She sarcastically put, a certain boredness in her tone.

“Jesus, he knew it was a joke! I wasn't serious!” I whined. “At least, I’m under the impression Todomatsu didn't think I was serious.”

“[Name], that boy has probably already filed for a restraining order.”

“Well shit, I live right across from him what am I supposed to do??” I panicked, convinced that a NEET like Todomatsu would file for a restraining order because I said he could cream my doughnut. But, this dude wouldn't do that. Todomatsu's a nice person. He knew I was joking... he wouldn’t actually file for a restraining order… right?

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’m sure it’ll be fine. I know you only meant to joke around, and I’m sure he knows that too. You wouldn’t try to hurt anyone purposefully- You’re a good kid, [Name].” My grandma consoled me, her words soft and genuine.

There was this certain sincerity in her tone that got to me, that caused the my breath to hitch in my throat.

I felt my heart give a sharp pang through my chest, my body suddenly getting weaker and weaker. Luckily I was close to a crosswalk and found myself leaning up against a steel pole holding one of those blinking panels. My hand tightened it’s grip on my phone, holding it closer to my face in fear it would escape me at any moment. I could feel my legs shake beneath me as if they were going to give out, as if gravity became stronger and was pulling me towards the ground. My back desperately tried to gain some sort of leverage against the cool steel of the pole, causing my backside to arch uncomfortably to accommodate my weak legs. I felt winded, as if the oxygen from my lungs had vanished, leaving me with only a hot, empty chest. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t think. I was numb. I felt sick.

Why did I feel like this? Why now? I never get like this when she say’s I’m a good kid, so why am I so afraid? Why did those words that once gave me hope, leave me in a state of shock and fear? ‘You’re a good kid.’ That phrase was my everything, it was what shed light on my blackened heart. It was a phrase that my grandparents always used for me. A phrase they stressed in the first few years of their adoption of me. A phrase they made sure I believed every second of the day. So… really… why… ?

“Hey, [Name]? Are you still there?” My grandmother spoke up, worry apparent in her voice. Just then, relief washed over my body and my once breathless lungs began to work again. I inhaled, and then exhaled deeply, using my newly found strength to stand up straight, though my previous sensations left me a little unsteady. I placed my yen into my peacoat’s pocket, proceeding to then pat down my peacoat as I fixed my posture.

“Yeah lmao, I’m here, sorry home slice.” I gave a short laugh, taking a quick look at my surroundings to make sure I didn’t cause a scene. Luckily, the few city goers were still bustling their ways down the sidewalks and the cars were still flying down the colorfully lit streets. It was just the same as always- loud and bright. I was glad to know I didn’t make anyone uncomfortable. I would’ve hated to ruin someone’s day with my pathetic little episode…

“Are you okay?” My grandmother continued, sensing a certain nervousness in my tone. She always knew when I was upset, she always knew when I was hiding something. I shook my head as if she could see me, taking a deep breath before continuing my walk.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m fine. I just got really nervous for some reason but now I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yep. I’m as fine as a speeding ticket.” I assured my grandmother, jumping over a puddle from last night’s rainfall. “No need to worry, I’m chill.”

“Alright, I’ll drop it.” She sighed, quickly changing the subject for my sake. “So, in addition to this Karamatsu, Jyushimatsu, and Todomatsu, have you been able to 1v1 any of the others? What about the one who likes your book? Ah, what’s his name again? Choromatsu?” My grandma asked, still curious about those Matsuno Boys™. Before I could answer her question, I heard a loud, whiny scream. I stopped in my tracks, turning my head to take a look upon the scene that unfolded just across the street.

Well speak of the devil.

There he was. The green bean. Screaming.

Always screaming.

“I gotta go Grandma. My side ho needs me.” I spoke blankly before hanging up, placing my phone in my coat’s pocket. I moved off to the side of the sidewalk, allowing city goers to keep walking whilst I stared across the street. I just stood there, swaying on the borderline between the sidewalk and the roar of cars. Even though I was entranced by the scene before me, I kept careful to not be clipped by any moving vehicles that sped by.

Just beyond the black concrete, beyond the loud, discordant noises of the street, was a beige building, lit up with pinks and greens. LED lights covered the establishment, making out some pink lit picture of an adorable cat, beneath it a few words written in kanji that was lit with green. It seemed these bright, enrapturing lights had been put up fairly recently, due to its perfect glow and position. The pastel lights cut through the dimness of the cloudy afternoon, grazing over this particular avenue that lacked natural light. It stood out amongst the dull atmosphere, out of place and seeking attention. Such an image of a brightly lit kitten, glowing in the slums of a gloomy city- it was noticeable, to say the least. Almost like a spotlight, the pink and green lights shone on me, casting a long shadow of my form just behind me. The lights caressed my body with its pastel glow, almost like a colorful bleach it washed out the other lights that once painted my body with gorgeous variation. But now it was just pink and green, bright pink and green, completely outshining the other colors that dimly glowed from the buildings just behind me.

Below these lights stood a line, filled with people that were caressed with these same pastel lights. This line led down the avenue I walked across before, seeming to end a little a ways over. These people were lined perfectly, no fuss, no trouble, it was rather calm despite the few who screamed and flailed. The line goers looked much like clones, dismissing the variation of genders that were present.They all seemed to be suffering from sleep deprivation and were dressed in cat merchandise- there wasn’t a single person that stood out from the feline enthusiast crowd.

Supposedly, these people were lined up to head into this building. There was a entry way just in the center of the beige bricked establishment, vacant of any windows or alternative entrances. The one entrance possessed a curved arch and a violet curtain, pulled back every so often to allow people to enter. By this entrance were two broad security guards, their tops heavier than their bottoms. They were dressed in black, contrasting greatly from the pastels that grazed their stiff bodies.

Currently these security guards were arguing with someone, attempting to lead this person out of the line. But this person was flailing rapidly, desperately trying to keep their place in line. This little show the person put on was clearly disturbing the other line goers, which was just irritating the security guards more and more. They were trying not the get physical, but the way things were going they might just have to. This person was throwing a tantrum, a grown adult. What else could you do at that point?

I really could've cared less, I probably would’ve left by now. But I didn't. How could I leave? This person throwing a tantrum, it was Choromatsu.

Fuck dude.

Like.

What are you doin?

Why are you causin a scene?

Just get outta line champ, you’ll live.

But he didn't get out of line. He didn't stop flailing. He was in distress. Like, a fuck ton of distress. I was surprised he wasn't flat out in tears yet, holy shit. I really should help him out. This poor guy he looked so stressed, he looked so scared. Jeez lil’ green bean, tell me what's up.

With a swing in my step I began to jaywalk across the street, making my way to a whining Choromatsu. He sounded just like a frog, croaking and chirping- it was actually kinda cute. Ohooh ho hoho ho and he wore green too!! He is a frog! What a cute little frog!

I stepped up onto the pale, cracked sidewalk, taking note of how strong these LED lights were up close. I felt like I was gonna go blind any second, but whatever. I’ll live. I stood a little off to the side from where the scene was taking place, trying to be inconspicuous in my eavesdropping.

But what I heard next however, shocked me.

“Please! I have to get in! I have a ticket! I showed you it three times! It's real! Why can't you let me in?!” Choromatsu whined, worry lacing his croaky voice as he confronted the security guards.

“We can't let you in without a second person, sir. The ticket clearly states that this is valid for two persons. You do realize this particular Nyaa-Chan show is dedicated to couples, right? As in she had been selling tickets specifically valid for two people? It even says it on the ticket! ‘Nyaa-Chan’s Paw’s of Love Tour’!” One of the security guards explained, trying to convince Choromatsu that his ticket was invalid, given the circumstance.

“Please! I haven't missed a show! I paid money for this ticket! I begged my parents for extra cash for weeks! You can't just kick me to the curb! I need to see Nyaa-Chan…” Choromatsu winced, the rapid thrashing of his limbs now reduced to a soft shaking. He was like a newly born deer, this guy. I mean, he was practically vibrating.

Holy fuck, he was a sex toy.

A living, breathing sex toy.

Though, putting him up your ass wouldn't exactly feel pleasant. He is a v big boy.

“P-Please…” Choromatsu’s voice cracked, clutching his ticket tighter and tighter against his abdomen. His head was cast down and his shoulders were tense, yet shaking just as the rest of his body was. He looked so small. So so small…

This was so sad.

God, cut him some slack @ security guards. He's just a simple little nerdling wearing a brown leather back pack and a stupid green flannel- let him live. Like?? His shirt was even tucked into khakis?? With a belt?? I stg I think he even tucked the shirt into his undies?? Jesus Christ, those are totally his tighty whities?? That is so pure?? He is so pure?? What the fuck?? W h at hte fukcck ? ?

“Hey baby cakes~” I cooed, sliding up to Choromatsu and linking my arm through his. The moment our limbs touched Choromatsu whipped around, his face totally white, but his cheeks bright red. He was shaking more violently now, clearly flustered with my sudden gesture.

Oh boy this kid was gonna piss himself.

I could see it in his eyes.

You better pray there's a restroom nearby, Chorofappyski. Because I'm not stopping now.

“Sorry I made you wait, sweetheart. I had to make a bank withdrawal for dinner tonight! We’re going to your favorite place, angel face! My treat~” I winked, giving Choromatsu’s clothed forearm a gentle rub with my thumb, which caused his knees to buckle. His pale, peachy lips were quivering at this point, his beautiful brown sugar eyes watering ever so slightly. His small tears pricked the corners of his eyes like morning dew, his sweet, long lashes collecting the little droplets with every blink.

He was so pretty, illuminated by the intense glow of pastels. You could see every feature that adorned his chubby face, from the way his dark brown bangs gently sat over his knitted brows, to the soft pout of his trembling lips.

But for real tho.

He really did look like he was gonna piss himself.

He looked overwhelmed as fuck, as if his poor nerdling body couldn't possibly take anymore of my affection.

I kinda felt bad, overstimulating him like this. Should I stop or?

“You're accompanying this guy?” One of the security guards spoke up, eyeing me as if he wasn't convinced I was real. I snapped back to reality the moment this guy uttered his question, giving a proud nod in response.

“Yep! This adorable boy is my lump of sugar~” I quickly replied, pulling a shaking Choromatsu closer to me. I wrapped my arms around his waist, enveloping the sweet boy in my loving embrace. I pressed my lips against the top of his head, nestling my face into his soft hair. Choromatsu was desperately trying not to scream in my grasp. His mouth was shut tightly, suppressing the said scream, and his eyes were practically popping out of his head just from the sheer effort of keeping it suppressed.

I'm gonna come out and say right now, that this is the most intimate Choromatsu has ever been with someone.

His bladder is gonna empty any moment now.

“We see every Nyaa-Chan concert together! You can only imagine how excited we were when we found out she’s having a lovers’ tour!” I spoke happily against Choromatsu’s scalp, seeming to convince the security guards that I was, in fact, Chorofappyski’s partner.

“Ah, alright.” One security guard huffed out hot air, turning to his coworker with a raised brow. The other guard simply shrugged, proceeding to hold out his hand to Choromatsu. Choromatsu jolted at the sudden action, in disbelief of what was happening. He looked from the guard’s hand to his face, alternating between the two for a solid minute. I mean, hell, I was in disbelief too. I didn't think I'd pull it off, acting so obnoxiously lovey dovey. But this guy’s reaction was priceless. He looked fuckin winded. It was as if the guy had been socked in the jaw at the speed of light and got serious whiplash.

After Choromatsu’s brief minute of shock, he quickly handed his ticket to the security guard, the slip shaking just as his hand was. The guard took the ticket from Choromatsu, tearing off it’s stub before returning it to him. I let go of Choromatsu’s waist, stepping back to give him space so he could place his ticket into his pocket. After he did so, one of the security guards pulled back the entrance's curtains, allowing Choromatsu and I to enter. Taking Choromatsu’s hand excitedly, I began to pull him through the entrance, making my way down a dark, narrow hallway just beyond those violet curtains.

I guess this building led to one of those underground concerts, seeing as the pitch black hall led to staircase lit up with neon lights. Choromatsu and I began to walk down the dimly lit steel staircase, leading into a plethora of color. The staircase creaked with every step, it’s eerie noises matching the faded, dark walls bordering the staircase. It was hard to see much of anything in this blackened tunnel. Every so often Choromatsu and I would get a taste of the scratched paint against the walls, or the rust that speckled the staircase, due to the neon lights below flickering on and off. It was almost like a rave down there, beckoning Choromatsu and I to it’s vivid embrace of light.

I turned to Choromatsu, catching a dim image of his flustered face through the darkness of the tunnel. Once and awhile, when the lights below flickered, Choromatsu’s sweet expression was caressed with various color. It was almost like his flushed cheeks were different shades with every flicker- blue, green, yellow, pink. Even his beads of sweat were visible under such light, gently rolling down his face every so often.

I was confused at first, wondering why Choromatsu was sweating so much. It wasn't hot in here or anything, it was lukewarm at best. So why did he seem so nervous? The answer to my question became blatant to me the second his clammy hand adjusted itself around mine. I couldn't believe it. He was actually sweating profusely because we were holding hands. Fuuuuuck dude, I can't get over how sweet this guy is. I just wanna put him in my pocket and protect him forever. He’s so fucking pure. Just shank my asshole.

“Th-Th… Th…” I suddenly heard a timid chirp escape Choromatsu’s quivering lips, the poor boy hesitantly turning his head to face me. Though, once he saw that I was looking at him, he seemed to grow more nervous than before, the sweat on his face pouring down his skin like the fucking Niagara Falls. He quickly lifted his free arm to wipe the sweat off his face, desperately trying to save himself from embarrassment. I wasn't even sure how he was walking at this point, since he was shaking like a fuckin earthquake.

“Th-Thank y-y… you!” Choromatsu managed to finish his thought, his eyes still locked on mine as we walked down the staircase. I couldn't help but give a short laugh.

“Hey, it's chill.” I gave Choromatsu a soft nudge. “No need to thank me.”

“I-I want to.” Choromatsu murmured softly, his free hand clutching the hem of his sleeve. “You didn't have to help me, yet you did. You probably don't even know who Nyaa-Chan is… but you pretended to be my partner just so I could get in…” Choromatsu’s face turned redder and redder with every word he spoke, his clammy hand continuously adjusting itself in my grasp. Jesus fucking hell Choromatsu, I will actually punch you so hard. You're so fucking precious.

“I don't mind! Hell, if you need me to pretend to be your partner at any given time, I’ll be there! Couples gym membership, couples discount bowling night, you fuckin name it! I'm just glad you were able to get in! Plus, now you get to see your concert with the coolest kid on the block, aka me.” I grinned, pointing to myself proudly. Choromatsu gave me a small smile in return, resembling that of a rounded triangle.

“Ah, you're so nice, [Name]. I'm so lucky to know you…” Choromatsu replied, proceeding to step off the last stair of the staircase. I followed Choromatsu off the said staircase and walked side by side with him into the giant room lit up with neon lights.

It was a pretty huge concert area, filled to the brim with adoring fans, waving around glow sticks and screaming at the top of their lungs. It appeared that the concert was about to begin, since the large, pink lit stage beyond the cheering crowd suddenly lit up with a bright white. The white glow shot across the crowd like a blanket, ridding the colourful neon lights that were once present in the underground concert area. The large crowd began to cheer louder once the lighting changed, the soft light emanating from their glow sticks rapidly flying around the area as they flailed their arms excitedly. The cheers from the crowd differed greatly from one another- some belonging to regular adoring fans, and others belonging to absolute fucking weirdos.

“We love you, Nyaa-Chan!!”

“PLEASE TAKE MY FIRST BORN CHILD!”

“Your music is beautiful!!”

“I WANT YOU UP MY ASS, NYAA-CHAN HOLY SHIT!”

Pssh.

Yikes.

Anyways.

I was about to lead Choromatsu into the crowd, wanting him to have a good spot to view the concert from. But, the green bean himself beat me to it. He was already bolting through the crowd, dragging me along with him as he screamed bloody murder. Like, fuck. I didn't expect this guy to go from a wobbling fawn to a ravenous demon in literally 2 seconds flat. I've never seen Choromatsu act like this before, and tbh, I was enjoying it.

Choromatsu was fucking body slamming people as if he was being chased by a group of thugs tryna steal his merch. He was such an elegant linebacker,,, I’m piss in g,,, He had this certain gracefulness in each body slam he dished out. It was like he was performing a beautiful ballet routine that also involved steamrolling the fuckin audience. I never knew that such a smol green bean held a fuck ton of raw power. Choro’s a freak on the dance floor, gg.

Eventually Choromatsu, Destroyer of Worlds, led me into the center of the crowd, letting go of my hand to whip out a packet of glow sticks from his back pocket. He quickly ripped the package open, spilling out the contents into his palm. He took four glow sticks from his palm, placing the others back in his pocket along with the packet they came in. He swiftly handed two of the glow sticks to me, a big smile spread across his sweet face.

“Use these to wave around!! Let Nyaa-Chan know you're excited to see her!!” Choromatsu squealed, a gentle pink flushing his porcelain skin. I gladly took the glow sticks from Choromatsu, snapping them to see a gentle shine of baby blue. What a cute color.

“Thank you! Will do, my man!” I beamed, seeing Choromatsu snap his glowsticks as well. Whilst mine glowed a soft blue, his glowed a gentle lime green.

“You're welcome.” Choromatsu gave me a nod before happily raising his arms into the air, swaying them back and forth eagerly.

“Cheer for Nyaa-Chan, [Name]!! Tell her how cute you think she is!!” Choromatsu began to scream again, bouncing rhythmically to the catchy pop music that began to roar across the crowd. I held up my glowsticks just as Choromatsu did, the screams of the crowd almost totally blocking out the pop music. I wasn't gonna lie, I don't know how the fuck anyone was supposed to hear this chick sing with all this screaming happening but you know. I guess idol otakus have extra good hearing.

“I LOVE YOU NYAA-CHAN~!!” Choromatsu screamed, thrashing about excitedly the second some girl walked onto the stage. She was a pretty cute girl, it was no mystery why so many people were such big fans of her. That and the fact they most likely enjoyed her music.

She has long, baby pink hair with bright green streaks located on either side of her face. Not only was her hair cute, but her outfit was too. It was clearly meant to resemble a school girl’s outfit, but it was designed in such a way to simultaneously not look like one, if that made any sense. She also possessed black cat ears, paws, and a tail, which explained all this cat propaganda. This Nyaa-Chan took ahold of the mic located in the center of the white lit stage, lifting one of her paws up to the crowd, which earned a loud cheer of excitement.

“Nyaa~! Welcome to my Paw’s of Love tour everyone! Cuddle up close to your lover, because it's time to start the show!” She cooed over the mic, her sweet, sincere smile stealing everyone’s hearts.

Damn,,, she's got mine too ngl,,,

“Hey hey hey, Froggymatsu.” I turned to Choromatsu, giving his shoulder a nudge with my elbow. His star struck expression was taken from Nyaa-Chan and was now focused on me, his mouth still agape with wonder and his eyes sparkling with awe.

“Ah, yes, [Name]??”

“Is Nyaa-Chan single?” I questioned, earning a sharp gasp from Choromatsu.

“All idols are single, [Name]!” He swiftly stated. “They can't date other people! It's against the rules!”

“Sooooo, what you're sayin, Chorochoro, is that I can’t get her number?”

“You absolutely cannot get her number!!!” Choromatsu paled, holding his glowsticks against his chest. “An idol can't share a relationship with you! It's forbidden!! A forbidden love!!” He quickly turned back to the stage, watching as Nyaa-Chan began her first song. “My love for Nyaa-Chan is forbidden!!” He squealed, once again flailing his arms to the music. “Oh, Nyaa-Chan~!! I love you~!!”

Wow.

Yeah.

I don't know what you want me to say, but, that's my reaction.

Wow.

From then on, song by song, Choromatsu screamed and danced for a solid hour. I was fucking impressed. I can't even run for 5 minutes without having an asthma attack, but this guy was just secreting unbelievable amounts of energy. I'm surprised he hasn't back springed across the fucking stage by now. Hell, he hasn't even lost his voice yet. Choromatsu wasn't lying when he said he's been to every single Nyaa-Chan concert. His voice was probably conditioned to all this shrieking he was doing. As for me, I tried to give as much enthusiasm as Choromatsu was giving- keyword, tried. But I kinda clocked out after 10 minutes and now I’m just standing here admiring this cute girl.

Though, one thing I noticed about Choromatsu, besides his unending energy, was how fucking small he was. Like, yes, we’ve established that these Matsuno Boys are v smol. But this poor guy has been standing on his tip toes for the past hour. That couldn't have possibly been comfortable. He's just been jumping on his toes this whole time, trying to get a good look at Nyaa-Chan through this sea of tall people. Like?? He does know that he can just ask me to give him a boost, right?? I'm pretty strong?? I’m totally down for helping him out??

“Yo yo.” I flicked the side of Choromatsu’s head, causing him to choke on his cheering. He turned to face me soon after my flick, his surprised eyes meeting mine through the vivid flashing lights of the stage.

“You should sit on my shoulders.” I suggested, proceeding to bend down beside Choromatsu. The poor kid screamed, clearly distressed by my sudden gesture. He placed his hands to his chubby cheeks, trying to conceal his obvious anxiousness.

“Why do you want me to sit on your shoulders?!?!” Choromatsu kept screaming, the glowsticks that pressed against his cheeks illuminating his flushed face.

“Duuuuude, c’mon, just, sit on my shoulders.”

“I can’t sit on your shoulders, [Name]!!! Everyone’s gonna see!!! Someone’s gonna say something!!!” Choromatsu continued to whine, shuffling his feet nervously.

“Chillax, Chorofappyski. No one’s gonna care.” I elbowed Choromatsu’s knee, proceeding to gesture to the crowd around us. “Look! Someone just threw their fucking bra across the concert hall! And that guy? He’s been low key feeling up his boyfriend for the past 20 minutes! You really think someone’s gonna pick you out for sitting on my shoulders?” I attempted to encourage him, looking up at Choromatsu expectantly. The green bean seemed conflicted, looking around the room to assure himself that what I claimed was true.

“C’mon, mosey on up, kiddo.” I insisted with a smile, once again grabbing Choromatsu’s attention. He stood there for a while, seeming to ponder over his options before giving out a long, shaky sigh. He hesitantly began to lift one of his legs to drape around my shoulders, gently placing his hands against the sides of neck.

Wait wait wait.

WhoaohohoHOHOHO HO H O.

C h o r o m a t s u

This was not what I meant I'm fuckingh laugH IN G.

“Did you want your penis pressed against my face or?”

“W-WHICH WAY AM I S-SUPPOSED TO GO?!” Choromatsu quickly withdrew his leg and hands, covering his bright red face with the sleeves of his flannel. God I love it when he's flustered. It's like Christmas Morning every time. Why, Dear Santa, all I want this year, is this adorable frog’s ass sitting on my shoulders. Also, ps, I want him totally flustered and screaming bloody murder, that’d be great XOXO. Your fav kid, [Name].

“You can go whichever way you want to~ Back or front- take your pick~” I cooed, giving Choromatsu a wink. The green bean just kept shrieking, trying not to pass out from the intense blood flow rushing to his head. Tbh, this guy was so fucking lucky tho. Like, if it weren't for the thousands of other fans cheering at the top of their lungs, he’d just be some weird dude.

“[Name]!! Don't say that!! Please… which way am I supposed to goooo…?” Choromatsu winced, wrapping his arms around his torso. He was so precious, really, with that triangle frown and big watery eyes. Jesus fuck, he was even whimpering. H o n e s t l y, why don't you just murder me, Choromatsu?

“Alright alright, c’mere sweet pea.” I gave a gentle smile, gesturing Choromatsu to drape his leg over my shoulder again. Though hesitant, Choromatsu complied, lifting his leg once more to place over me. Once his thigh sat comfortably on my shoulder, I helped him spin around to place his ass on the back of my neck. The moment Choromatsu’s abdomen pressed against the back of my head I stood up, gripping his calves to keep him balanced. He wasn't that heavy, surprisingly, so it was easy to hold his weight in addition to my own.

“Ah?? W-Wait, [Name]! I-I…!” Choromatsu let out a nervous whimper from above me, but it was quickly silenced the second he was faced with a perfect view of Nyaa-Chan.

There he sat, completely still on my shoulders, looking out towards his favorite idol dancing and singing on stage. His hands were placed gently on my head, his legs limp as they hung over my chest. I couldn't see his face, but given how unbelievably still he was, he was probably in awe. This poor kid who could only get glimpses of his idol, now had an incredible, clear view of her. He towered over the rest of crowd, his adorable froggy self lit with the gorgeous blanket of colourful lights that previously could only graze the top of his head.

“[Name]…” Choromatsu murmured, just loud enough for me to catch. I nudged my head against his thigh, signalling that I could hear him. With this he then continued.

“Nyaa-Chan… She’s so pretty from up here…” Choromatsu finished, taking his hands from my head to raise his glowsticks once more.

“NYAA-CHAN!! YOU’RE SO CUTE!!” He yelled from above, waving his arms excitedly as Nyaa-Chan’s next song began.

It was a mystery to me, how an idol can change someone so drastically. This boy, just seconds before, was a stuttering, blushing mess. Though as soon as he was faced with this girl he admired greatly, his exterior completely changed. He was loud, rambunctious, fearless in his sudden praises- he looked, confident. He looked happy. This girl who didn't even know who he was, gave him this surge of unimaginable joy.

‘You're so cute, Nyaa-Chan.’ ‘I love you, Nyaa-Chan.’- these phrases were overused by this crowd, overused by Choromatsu. But I believe that these people mean it everytime. Every syllable this girl sings, every routine step she takes- she was a beacon of hope.

Now.

I'm not trying to make this whole ‘Idol Otaku’ thing poetic, but,

For Choromatsu,

This was poetic.

He looked absolutely heartbroken when the security guards restricted his entry. That phrase he said, ‘I’ve never missed a show!’, that was odd to me. Not odd in a creepy stalkerish fan way, but odd in a way that caused my stomach to churn with empathy.

Die hard fans like Choromatsu would usually scoff and get angry at the refusal of entry. They’d brush it off, maybe complain about it- but Choromatsu looked as if he was on the verge of tears. He looked weak, helpless, even scared. Was this idol that important to him? Was seeing her every show that crucial? I think this whole ‘Idol Otaku’ business, was so much more for Choromatsu.

Yeah.

It was so much more.

It was everything to him.

It was him.

This idol was apart of him, this music was apart of him, his sweet froggy smile was apart of him. He was so happy- he was happy being happy! This corporately owned pop star gave him confidence, she gave him self-love, she gave him a reason.

I can't speak for Choromatsu. Perhaps he really just is some pervert Otaku, perhaps I'm reading too much into this as most authors do. But the way this boy happily rocked on my shoulders, the way he called out this idol’s name as if it was his last dying wish, the way his body shivered with every chorus- in this moment it truly was only him and Nyaa-Chan. The crowd’s screams, the vibrant glow of the stage, all these things, they were nonexistent to Choromatsu. This idol was his melody, his harmony, his euphony.

She really was his beacon of hope.

------

“I'm serious! ‘Tickling Whiskers’ is a metaphor for the stress Nyaa-Chan goes through!” Choromatsu stated matter-of-factly. “It's clear in the chorus! ‘My whiskers tickle again and again the closer I am!’- it's symbolic!”

“But like, what if, per se, that the song, listen,,, listen,,, the song, is actually about,,, whiskers.”

“No way! That's impossible- all of Nyaa-Chan’s works have deep meaning. I'm positive.” Choromatsu continued to stress, tapping his fingers against the stained wood of our table.

Choromatsu and I currently resided in an average diner just a few blocks away from the underground concert hall. As soon as the said concert ended, I invited Choromatsu to dinner with me, considering I told him I was taking him out just 3 hours before. You guys are true wingmen @ security guards. After 10 solid minutes of screaming and using the restroom 7 times to ‘panic piss’, Choromatsu eventually agreed to go out to dinner with me. We ended up going to regular diner just on the outskirts of the city, seeing as I didn't have enough money for the both of us to go to a fancier restaurant. Previously this afternoon, I thought I’d be just me, dining on beautiful, expensive dishes in a four star restaurant. But nah. At least I have company now.

The diner we sat in was pretty simplistic, but wonderfully so. It had a Japanese rustic feel to it- wooden tables and walls, pretty potted plants in every corner, unlit paper lanterns hanging from the ceiling, and shelves located on the farthest wall that were filled with alcohol. Choromatsu and I had been here for some time now, sitting across from each other, talking about his concert and my time spent in Tokyo. He was awfully pleasant to talk to- polite and a good listener. Though, every so often, when I gave him the chance, he’d go on these rants about his interests. And I let him rant, lucky for him, I was a good listener too.

“Do you know that for sure though? What if you're reading too much into it?” I continued to question Choromatsu, finishing off my salmon sashimi. Once the last piece was in my mouth, I gently placed my chopsticks beside my adorable, floral designed plate.

“I'm not! I know for a fact that Nyaa-Chan suffers greatly from the stress of being an idol. She endures a lot of criticism and hate after every show she performs! It's like all these awful people just go to her concerts so they can complain about them. She puts a lot of thought and effort into her songs just to convey these feelings!” Choromatsu explained, simultaneously finishing his miso soup with a hearty slurp. Why he ordered something so simple confused me, considering I was paying. But hey, at least I had less to spend.

“Maybe you're right, Choromatsu.” I gave a shrug, turning to look out the window that sat just beside us. “You certainly know Nyaa-Chan more than I do, seeing every concert she has in Tokyo and what not.” I teased, nudging Choromatsu’s leg with my foot. He quickly pulled back his leg, seeming embarrassed upon my touch.

“Ah,,, oh,,,” Choromatsu stammered, lowering his gaze to his soup bowl. “Y-You heard me say that earlier, didn't you?”

“Well, yeah.” I turned my focus back to Choromatsu, catching that oh so beautiful sight of his bashful frog frown. “You were practically shrieking, dude. How could I not hear you?”

“I'm sorry.” Choromatsu quickly apologized, his hands balled up against his lap. “I just got really upset…”

“Hey, don't sweat it, sweet pea.” I assured Choromatsu, pinching his button nose from across the table, which earned a soft squeal from him. “It's okay to be upset. There's nothing wrong with that. If Nyaa-Chan was my favorite idol, and I was denied entry to see her, I’d be pretty upset too.”

“S-So, I’m not… I wasn't being immature?” He looked up from his soup bowl, his saddened, lidded eyes meeting mine.

“Nah. You're fine.” I gave Choromatsu a confident nod, watching as a waitress came over to our table to place a bill by my plate. I proceeded to thank her, observing the waitress as she gathered our plates, and then walked off.

“I, um,” Choromatsu attempted to change the subject, grabbing my attention from the waitress who walked off. “I’d like to thank you again, not only for helping me get into the concert, but for also experiencing it with me.” Choromatsu gave a big froggy smile, clasping his hands together. “Uh, I, oh… You see, I haven't rode someone’s shoulders since I was a little kid, I didn't expect it, but it was nice.” He sparkled, almost in awe.

F u c k o f f, Choromatsu. You're so fucking cute.

I’m literally going to shit my pants j f c.

“Have you ever rode somebody’s face?”

“Pardon?”

“Nvm lmao.” I brushed off my previous statement, quickly pulling out my wallet to pay for our meal. Before I could even open it, a clammy hand swiftly found itself against my own.

“Wait!! You’re paying for this???” Choromatsu spoke rapidly, his body sprawled across the table in horror.

Damn.

Did you bend over this table just for me? I’m so flattered, Subbymatsu~

I truly am honored.

“Ye.” I replied, a confused grin curling up my lips. “Why?”

“I-I should pay!!” He practically yelled, the other patrons of the diner looking towards Choromatsu and I like we were straight up fucking each other on the table. “You already have done so much for me! Let me pay for your meal.”

“Noooooooo~” I cooed, shaking my head. “I’m the one who took you out on a date, I should be paying for the meal.”

And with those words, Choromatsu had suddenly fallen into an existential crisis. He slowly slumped back into his seat, a look of absolute shock quite visible on his face.

“Date?” He blankly spoke, his eyes unblinking. I gave a nod, placing the needed yen onto the bill I was given.

“Yep. This is a date, Frog Boy.” I confirmed before turning to the waitress that was closing in on our table.

“Meme me up, Scotty.” I gave her a grin, tapping my index finger against the cash I had placed on the table moments before. Though, suddenly, a thought crossed my mind.

Frog Boy.

O h m y g o d

I’m a f u c k i n g genius.

“Holy Fucktown USA!” I whipped back to Choromatsu, slamming my hands against the table, which startled the waitress that arrived at said table just seconds before. “You're Frog Boy. Do you know what this means??” I exclaimed, ready to eat my entire ass. “You and your brother are certified superheroes!! Window Man and his sidekick Frog Boy!!” I threw my arms into the air, ready to call Universal Studios any second now. Yes, hello, I have a great idea for a movie. Consider.

“Fighting crime, wearing spandex, the dumbest fucking superpowers- I mean, seriously, Window Man and Frog Boy. Do you understand how fucking rad this is??” I questioned Choromatsu, his blank face unchanging with every word I spoke. He looked void of emotion, just wide eyes and face drained of color. He looked seriously sick.

“…Date…with my favorite author… my favorite-…” Choromatsu managed to croak from his dry lips, just before fainting right there and then. His face slammed against the table, his body now limp and almost lifeless. This sudden action of Choromatsu’s caused the waitress beside me to gasp, the poor girl horrified with what had just happened. Before she could run to call an ambulance, I quickly stopped her, placing my hand against her forearm.

“Nah, wait, he's fine, he's just dead.” I spoke casually, trying to assure the waitress that everything was okay. All she did was blink confusedly, slowly walking away from the scene to leave me and my lovely little dead guy to ourselves. I turned my attention to the passed out Choromatsu, lifting my hand to begin petting the back of his head. He really was a pure guy, passing out at the mere mention of a date.

I let out a gentle laugh, running my fingers through his perfectly groomed bowl cut.

“Honestly, how many times am I gonna hafta carry you today?”

Chapter Text

Monday, October 7th, 13:26:09, 201X

Day 4

The purple crayon has left the crayon box. Once again, he has an empty plastic bag hanging from his left forearm, walking with shuffled, slow steps. He’s attired with his casual wear- a wool DAT sweater, navy sweatpants, and knock off adidas sandals. He appears to be wearing a surgical mask today- this is new. Perhaps the purple crayon has a cold, a sickness of some sort. Though, he may just be making a fashion statement. Nonetheless, this is excellent information. I'll have to add “wears surgical mask sometimes” to the database.

Damn it all.

The purple crayon is out of sight. He's walked too far. He's off the radar. His whereabouts are unknown once again. It's too early in my research to follow the purple crayon blindly. I must gather more information before my future departure. As of now, a rookie like me should stick to sidelines, the office job. My skill set isn't quite ready for fieldwork.

Now, If my hypothesis is correct, the purple crayon should be returning back to the crayon box within 3 hours and 33 minutes. Albeit there has only been one miscalculation in my research, that being the crayon returning home in 3 hours and 35 minutes yesterday. But such a detail wasn't important to my research unless further discoveries are made. But one particular thought kept gnawing at my skull, chewing my brain into a bloody scramble of questions.

Where was this specimen going? What was he trying to accomplish? How did this certain accomplishment benefit him? Why wear the same clothes everyday? Why doesn't he brush his hair? Why… Why…

Why a plastic bag for the love of g o d ? !

No, it's alright. Pull yourself together, [Name]. You spent a whole four days pretending you have a Ph.D. in biological sciences. You searched your house for a notebook and binder to keep your ‘data’ in, you bought a tiny beaker from a local Itayokado for your lab experiments even though you have literally no lab equipment and have just been filling the beaker with delicious beverages, hell, you even bought a fuckin lab coat.

Was spending four days pretending to be scientist a dumb idea? Yes. Was buying three liters of carbonated soda just to fill your tiny beaker with ‘cool drinks’ a dumb idea? Yeah. Was using your smartphone as a sciency tape recorder a dumb idea? Probably not. Was sitting alone in the dark, staring out your balcony’s windowed doors for several hours a dumb idea? Maybe. Was buying a ¥3,190 lab coat a dumb idea? Absolutely not. It was comfortable, easy to wear, and super “whooooosh” flowy; I know what I’m doing. I'm an adult. I vote and pay taxes.

The point is, this very important research will not go to waste!

Jeez, c’mon now, [Name]. What's the significance to 3 hours and 33 minutes? What was the purple crayon doing within this time frame?

3 hours… 33 minutes… Huh…

“That's it, holy fuck!!” I sprang up from the carpeted floor, raising my arms into the air as if I was about to perform a sick disco move. “How could I have been so blind?? It all makes sense now!!” I excitedly spoke to myself, picking up my notebook from the floor to peruse my notes. From there I began to pace my upstairs living room, flipping through the worn, beige pages of the old notebook. My eyes scanned over the blue ink that adorned the crisp pages, the once meaningless scrawled words now coming to together almost harmoniously.

“3 hours and 33 minutes; that's 333. If 333 is doubled that makes 666 which is supposedly the devil’s signature number. The devil is religious a figure who is the keeper of hell. Hell is where those who commit unforgivable sins go. Those who commit unforgivable sins are referred to as sinful people. You know what else is sinful? Jackin it. Who typically jacks it? Those who’re reading or watching porn. Do you know who does porn in the first place? Sex workers. Do you know who else are sex workers besides porn stars? Strippers. How do strippers tie into this you may ask? Well, it's quite simple.” I monologued proudly, ceasing my pacing once I stood in the center of my unlit living room. I proceeded to shut my notebook with a swift clasp, taking a deep breath before continuing.

“Ichimatsu… Is a stripper!!” I exclaimed passionately, chucking my notebook over my shoulder and into the hallway behind me. A gentle thump was made once the notebook made impact with the hallway’s wall, sliding onto the wooden floor below it.

“There's no other explanation, dude!” I placed my right hand on the back of my head, my left one placed promptly on my hip. “Leaving at the time time, returning home at the same time- it's a job for sure! But it's just not any fuckin job! Ichimatsu’s a stripper! Ohohoho~! It even explains his whole getup!” I continued to speak to myself, twirling around my living room to let my long lab coat flow about.

“The messy, unbrushed hair, the pissy expression, the Gucci bags under his eyes, this sudden usage of a surgical mask- this is some kinda angsty grunge kink show!” I proudly gave a nod, twirling myself onto the cushions of my beige couch. “Think you could fool me, huh Ichimatsu? Acting like an angsty emo teenager when in reality you're just an angstier BDSM enthusiast!” I concluded, proceeding to stand firmly upon the soft cushions underneath me. I placed my fists on my hips as if I was a full fledged superhero, pretending my flowing lab coat was instead a flowing cape.

Damn, I was good. Gg @ me.

I just cracked this case like an egg being prepared for a delicious omelette.

The police force should hire me. I’m fucking baller at this detective stuff. Though, I was originally supposed to be scientist…

Jesus Fuck, and I just bought this sweet ass lab coat too smh. I can't believe I have to give up my imaginary Ph.D. to be a hard boiled detective.

Maybe I could get Window Man and Frog Boy to adopt me into their Dream Team™ instead. Superheroes do detective work too, right? I've seen the movies. Though in this scenario I get to wear whatever I want (my lab coat) and say cheesy one-liners. What's better than that??

Nothing. That is the answer.

There is absolutely nothing better than being a part of the Dream Team™.

I just stood on my couch, contemplating my future in forensics and pursuing superhero-ing, all while doing that p sweet pose of mine.

Just posing.

Yep.

Posing… Posing…

How long am I supposed to do this?

Do detective's even pose after solving a case?

I would.

Wait wait wait, but like, I'm a biologist studying a new life form- what case was there to solve??

“C’mon Ichimatsu…” I groaned, letting my arms fall limp at my sides. “I just wanna know what you're doing…where’re you going everyday…?” I grunted, slumping down onto my couch with a gentle thump. My lab coat pooled around my sides like a large, cloth puddle, draping over the pale beige cushions. I kicked up my feet onto the glass coffee table across from my couch, my head thrown back in thought.

Pretending to be a scientist, watching Ichimatsu come and go from his house for four days straight, buying unnecessary garbage and claiming it’s for science™- god, I’m such a loser.

Just,ask him. Go out there, make conversation, and ask. There's nothing to be afraid of, nothing bad is gonna happen- you just wanna know where he goes everyday. He's been doing shit like this for awhile now. As his neighbor and fellow nihilist, you deserve an explanation…right? I’m sure he’ll tell you what he’s doing. Ichimatsu’s a casual hermit, he's not a bad guy. I think.

Stop sitting in the dark alone with three liters of soda and get your ass in gear. Quench your curiosity.

“Yeah…quench that curiosity…” I murmured to myself, turning my gaze to the balcony doors I sat in front of just moments before.

The glass doors were closed shut, curtains sitting on either side of the doors like gentle, cotton lace streams, hanging down the doors’ oak wood borders much like waterfalls. Just underneath my balcony doors was my little science stake out area, consisting of two blue ballpoint pens, a plastic, crimson binder, a soda filled beaker, two empty liter soda bottles lain beside an unopened one, a half empty bag of some knock off lay's chips brand, and an ass pillow. Like, not an ass pillow, but like, a pillow in which I sit my ass on.

There was also a soft light emanating from my glass doors, speckling my stake out area with little rays of white. Such little speckles of light covered other objects in the little living room, such as the tall, dark wooden bookcases filled with my grandparents’ untouched novels, and even the beige couch I currently sat upon. The lifeless, dim room perfectly matched the looming silence that grazed these cream colored walls.

It almost hurt, this silence. It never really occurred to me just how empty my house was. Unless I was talking to myself, unless the television was on, there was only silence. Heavy, suffocating, lonely silence. There was only my slowed breathing and the creaks in the floorboards. In times like these I really did envy the Matsunos. Though at the same time I didn't. I was in a love hate relationship with what these sextuplets had, and in this unbearably silent house it just made feelings for such things stronger. Not even my Ph.D. could cheer me up, nor could my sick ass lab coat. This emptiness inside my home, it’s surfacing some unfortunate memories. I really should leave.

“Gentlemen,” I stood up from my couch, a smug grin stretching across my face as I turned to my imaginary gaggle of coworkers. “Hand off the office work to the interns because I’m goin into the field!!” I dramatically posed again just before snatching my smartphone off the coffee table. I swiftly shoved it into my lab coat’s pocket, proceeding to run out my living room with a skip in my step.

“Call the wife and tell her I’ll be home before dinner! I have a breaking discovery to make!” I continued to speak to my ‘coworkers’, taking a right once I entered the dark, narrow hallway beside my living room. Why I never bothered to turn on any lights in my house, I wasn't sure. Maybe I was unintentionally trying to save my electric bills from skyrocketing. Though I wasn't really home that often, I usually out exploring Tokyo. I don't know tbh, I guess I just liked the dark atmosphere.

I skipped down the said unlit hallway until I came to my steep, creaky staircase, the pitter patter of my bare feet echoing through my house as I ran down the steps. I continued through the front corridor leading from my staircase, walking to the front door to put on my shoes that were sprawled across the stained wood floors.

Once the shoes were on, I quickly snatched my house keys from the small mahogany table by the front door. Placing said keys in my back pocket, I hurriedly opened the door, exiting before closing it behind me. I took a gander at the sky above my house, raising my left hand over my brows to block the few rays of light from my eyes.

Luckily the rainy weather ceased, and dear Tokyo was now left with dim sunlight and white washed skies, vacant of both clouds and birds. The sun overhead was a pale dinner plate, the sky around it an equally pale tablecloth. It was a considerably nice change, despite the lack of color. I was getting a little tired of consistent cloudy days. Finally we had normal early October weather- dim, breezy, and spoopy. Such weather made me come to a realization, regarding Ichimatsu’s recent clothing addition.

It was clear he was wearing a surgical mask because of the sharp, crisp autumn breezes. Only 5 seconds outside and already my cheeks felt pins and needles. It was a smart move to wear a surgical mask, a cloth one no less, though it confused me why he would still wear sandals despite the cold…

Eh, whatever. That's not my biz.

Wear what you want champ, your body your rules.

I simply gave shrug before walking in the direction Ichimatsu went previously. Shoving my hands in my lab coat’s pockets, I began to reflect on my scientific hypotheses I made only moments ago.

“Do tell, Ichimatsu- are you really a stripper?”

------

Specimen sighted. I'm going in. Despite the dangers that may occur from following the purple crayon blindly, well, I’m willing to take that chance. For the sake of science, for the sake of satisfying my nosy ass- I will pursue the assumed stripper.

I had been looking for Ichimatsu for quite some time, an hour max. I assumed he couldn’t’ve gone too far, considering he was out everyday for almost 4 hours. It wouldn't make sense for him to be traveling into the deeper parts of the city, seeing as time would be an issue. He was most likely prowling the outskirts of the city, close to the suburbs, close to home. I didn't think I’d take me so long to find Ichimatsu, seeing as the calm, gentle outskirts were pretty wide open and completely vacant of crowds.

Though, I had fuck ton of fun during that hour.

Just as I was doing beforehand, I pretended to be a scientist. Asking a few random strangers questions about the human specimen I'm searching for, obnoxiously making self voice recordings on my phone, parkouring down the streets screaming, ‘I have a Ph.D., get outta the fuckin way!!’- it was truly a wonderful experience. It baffled me why scientists didn't want to do stuff like this, it was fuckin fun as hell. Sure, people looked at me funny, but I was enjoying myself- I was havin a good time pretendin to be a scientist don't be r00d.

I mean, yeah I would've been totally mortified to do things like this in public back in the US, but hey, new country new me. No one knew who I was, I could be whoever I wanted to be.

Seconds before spotting Ichimatsu, I was chillin by a large bronze railing, behind it holding an equally large canal filled with river water. These parts of the outskirts were the most open, seeing as there were very few tall buildings and there were more fish than humans out here. The area itself attempted to come off as a city, though it was very subtle in doing so. Old, rickety houses, plain establishments, quiet atmosphere- it was almost like the place was deserted. At least the few people who lived in the outskirts, including myself, were able to see the beautiful sky whether it was day or night. Such a feature was my favorite part about living in the city-like suburbs.

Luckily, while I was leaning leisurely upon the bronze railing, I was able to catch sight of a purple sweater and a mop of messy, dark locks. The person who adorned such things seemed to walk rather slow, yet their pace oddly quickened the second they closed in on a nearby alleyway. Almost in an instant the person sharply turned into the dim alleyway, keeping their quickened pace as they furthered down the narrow opening.

Currently I was jogging across the street, making my way to the brick bordered alleyway that sat only yards away from where I rested. The moment I approached the opening of the alleyway I slowed my rapid steps, coming to a stop. I placed my hands on my hips, looking closely into the dark trench that stood before me.

Honestly, I couldn't see Ichimatsu in there. There were only rust stained trash cans and moldy cardboard boxes piled up against the brick buildings. There wasn't a single person insid- wait holy shit whoa what the fuck,,,,, wh a t TH e f u C K,, ,,, whsT hTe FUc C ,, , ,

Why was the alleyway moaning???

Oh my god, oooOO O O ooOh my god

I was so wrong, I was so so so so wrong

Ichimatsu isn't a stripper he's a prostitute oh my god I’m listening to him sexing it up I can't believe this I thought he was a virgin but this guy’s living a double life- a possible STD ridden double life.

Turning on my heel, I attempted to walk away from Edgelord Porn Live™, though, suddenly, I heard a faint, muffled mumble…

“Here… here… ah no… no don't do that…” A soft voice echoed quietly down the alleyway, a tinge of distress apparent in it’s tone. This emotionless voice brought me to a hard halt.

That was Ichimatsu… wasn't it?

I quickly whipped around to face the brick bordered alleyway, my hands clenched into tight fists as I peered deeper into the gulf of darkness.

What was Ichimatsu mumbling about? Was he dirty talkin? Nonsense moaning? …Was something wrong? Is the person he's fuckin tryna hurt ‘im… ?

Oh

oH N O W AY

nOooHOOoO WAY

If that f i l t h y motherfucker lays their dirty paws on Ichimatsu I’ll dig out their fuckin knee caps and shove ‘em down their goddamn throat through their eye sockets.

Without hesitation I bolted down the alleyway, maneuvering through sprawled trash bags and piles of broken wood planks. Ichimatsu’s distressed mumbles became more clear the closer I came to the alleyway’s dead end, though I still saw no sign of him. Even now when the alleyway’s dead end came into view, there wasn't a single person to be seen.

Now that's weird.

There's definitely Ichimatsu moans in here but no actual Ichimatsu…

The moment I was face to face with the dead end, I came to a slowed stop. A tall, garbage scented, brick wall- that's all there was. Trash cans, boxes, and brick walls, but no Ichimatsu… and luckily no sexual harasser either. I woulda given that bitch a mean right hook straight inta hell, they're lucky as fuck they don't exist rn.

The distressed, bodiless Ichimatsu moans no longer made me angry, worried even, but instead very confused. There was no one in this alleyway but me, so why was I hearing Ichimatsu’s voice?

Dang

Didn't occur to me that Ichimatsu was a vengeful ghost this whole time smh

“Ah…! N-No… that's too much…” Ichimatsu’s disembodied voice murmured again, this time echoing from behind me. I couldn't help but give a long sigh, turning away from the brick wall to start searching the alleyway again.

This was fucking ridiculous, Ichimatsu had to be in here. How could he not?? I saw this motherfucker waltz right in here, hell, his ghost was calling out to me. His body’s gotta be here somewhere. I didn't waste 4 whole days just to hear Ichimatsu moan.

Though… on second thoug- wait holy fuck what. What the fuck’s rattling? Are those Ichimarley’s mandatory ghost chains or what? Was his ghost truly haunting this alleyway?? How’d he die so fast like damn??That’s some skill.

I whipped to my left to where I believed the said rattling was coming from, now faced with a decently sized dumpster. The thing was barely noticeable in the dark, save for the little rays of light that shone down from above. It was black but covered with multicolored graffiti, as well as several little scratch marks upon its four corners. It was clear the rattling was coming from this dumpster, since the thing gave a slight shake every 2 seconds.

Maybe Ichimatsu got trapped in this dumpster?? I mean, fuckin hell that’s hilarious. Ichimatsu trapped in a dumpster. That's too funny to me like, how’d he even get trapped in there in the first place whatta tool. This fuckin guy right here, gettin trapped in dumpsters. Same though.

With a grin on my face and with the crack of my knuckles, I went on ahead to lift the hood on this baby. Once the cover of the dumpster was lifted over my head, I peered down into what was held inside.

There he was.

The true garbage man.

Sitting comfortably in a nest of nasty ass trash.

And in his arms, a plastic bag filled with packages of dried anchovies.

But that's not all.

Surrounding the garbage man was a sea of mangy fur. Crawling on him, licking him, eagerly eating from his bag of fishy treats- These were cats dude. A fucking shit load of cats. The mewls of the cats were similar to the pitch of Ichimatsu’s distressed moans, which possibly meant that all that moaning I was hearing before, wasn't just Ichimatsu’s.

This freakish cat cult almost completely distracted me from the fact that this dumpster smell was absolutely fucking disgusting. The putrid scent was impossible to describe. Though if I had to put it into words, I’d say the smell majorly reminds me of a muddy potato sack filled with jock straps and gym socks sitting in a pool of menstrual blood and tears.

Before the stench could kill me I quickly spoke up, placing my right hand over my heart.

“Bless my soul…” I murmured softly, my voice causing Ichimatsu to whip up his head in horror. “Why, It's a trash baby, born from this dumpster’s vagina- this is truly a miracle.” I pretended to shed a tear, using my right hand to wipe my ‘tear’ whilst my left hand kept the dumpster’s lid above my head. Ichimatsu only continued to look at me like a deer in headlights as I spoke.

“Come to me, my trash child. Embrace your trash father.” I held out my arm to him, posing with my hip jutted out for dramatic effect.

Though as soon as I posed, I heard the shattering of glass. Such a harsh, distinct noise caused me to jump back in surprise, letting go of the dumpster’s cover. But the cover never slammed shut, instead it flew wide open, hitting the brick wall behind it with a swift smack. From the gaping trash hole emerged a waterfall of cats, mewling and hissing discordantly as they poured out from the dumpster. I attempted to dodge and step over the roaring stream of cats as they came, watching them run out of the alleyway collectively.

Before I could even catch my balance, Ichimatsu soon pounced out of the dumpster himself, a broken glass bottle in hand as he came straight for me.

“Ho ly fuC K!” I screeched, stumbling backwards onto my ass. “Don't shank me I’m a pharmacist!!” I pleaded, gesturing to my lab coat to somehow save myself. Though, I wasn't quite sure how being a pharmacist could possibly prevent me from being shanked.

It was a solid minute before I realized I wasn't about get shanked by Edgy Edgerson.

Ichimatsu just stood there, broken bottle in hand, a blank stare in his eyes, and little droplets of sweat dotting his forehead. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, seeing as his mouth was covered by a surgical mask- there wasn't much facial visibility. He simply hovered over me, his shoulders shaking ever so slightly. Even the bottle in his hand shook. Ichimatsu was either really angry or really nervous- again, it was hard to tell.

“…Sorry…I panicked…” Ichimatsu’s voice cracked beneath the cloth of his surgical mask, his eyebrows knitted together with worry. The broken bottle in his hands began to slip loosely from his fingers, falling to the concrete ground with a soft clink.

This fuckin guy.

He panics, and his immediate reaction is to shank a bitch. Gg Ichimatsu, me too.

But like, why was he so panicked in the first place? Did I surprise him that bad?

“Bro.” I grinned, standing up from where I fell. “Listen, don't worry about it. Even if you did shank me, it's not the worst thing in the world.” I tried to console Ichimatsu, taking note of how nervous he was about the situation. “I mean, unless you like, you know, killed me in cold blood. But that’s besides the point. I’m not mad or anything, trash baby.”

“Trash baby…?” Ichimatsu repeated, his once shaken exterior now reduced to an emotionless slouch. He seemed pretty confused before he suddenly recalled what happened previously. “Ah, right. The dumpster’s vagina…” Ichimatsu’s voice trailed off the second he spoke the word ‘vagina’. “What the fuck…?”

“Yeah, the dumpster’s mad nasty vagine. You should know about it’s vagine dude. I mean, you were sitting in all that pUSSY. WHOOOOOO OOHOHOHHOHOHOOOOO WHOOOO HA HAA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!” I screamed, cackling at my own joke. I was a Comedy Genius™, a relatable guy. I’m hilarious and everyone loves me. Everyone but Ichimatsu I guess bc he wasn't laughing. If anything, he looked unimpressed.

“P-Pussy…” Ichimatsu murmured blankly, a certain deadness in his eyes as he watched me laugh hysterically at my own joke. “Did you just… pull an Osomatsu…?” Ichimatsu blinked, almost baffled. I couldn't help but laugh harder.

“Fucking christ I didn't expect to hear that twice in my lifetime!! Is that legit a thing?? To pull an Osomatsu?? I'm pissing holy sh i t. I can't believe you guys have a specific phrase for your memey brother I’m fuckin g cry in hg.” I wrapped my arms around my torso, feeling tears prick the corners of my eyes as I continued to laugh. Ichimatsu only kept staring at me with those dead eyes of his, weakly wringing his hands and rubbing the back of his right calf with his left foot. He was clearly unsure how to respond to my hysterical wheezes, he could only sit back and watch. Lucky for Ichimatsu, my giggle fit ended in only a few minutes.

“Oh man, that was great.” I wiped the tears from my eyes, slowly inhaling and exhaling to regulate my breathing. Ichimatsu on the other hand just continued to stare, absolutely bewildered.

“Aaaaanyways!” I spoke up, causing Ichimatsu to choke in surprise. “I bet you're wondering why you and I have met in this charming alleyway today. Is it coincidence? Is it fate? Are we destined to be together? Why, any of these are possible, my trash princess. But, I unfortunately have to disprove them, for the sake of truth!” I dramatically talked, placing the back of one hand under my chin and the other on my hip.

While giving this extravagant spiel of mine, Ichimatsu looked at me with this horrified disbelief, almost like he was shocked.

Raised eyebrows, eyes wide, knees weak, arms spaghetti, mom’s spaghetti,,,

I wasn't quite sure why he looked so anxious, why, it couldn't possibly be the fact that I'm low key hitting on him, calling him my trash princess and whatnot.

“You see, Ichimatsu, I've been plagued with this certain question that's been haunting my mind for many days now. I've been thinking of nothing but my want to ask you as such!” I exclaimed, taking a passionate stride towards Ichimatsu whilst he shrunk down in embarrassment. Even I can see your pink face under that surgical mask of yours.

“The only way I can cure myself of this heavy burden called curiosity, is by being graced with your long awaited answer! You dig?” I shoved my hands into my coat’s pockets as I watched Ichimatsu attempt to respond.

"I... I dig...?" Ichimatsu mumbled, the sentence sounding more like a question for himself than a question for me.

"Yeah yeah; you dig, you understand, you got it, you’re feelin’ me, you're pickin up what I'm puttin down," I tried to explain the saying to Ichimatsu, counting off the synonyms on my fingers.

"Point is, I got a question for you, and I'd want you to answer. You dig?" I repeated, watching Ichimatsu's once confused expression grow more and more hesitant by the second. It was almost as if my referred question was an unpleasantry to him. As if he was expecting my conversation with him to quickly deteriorate.

And yet, he nodded his head in response. The nod was so subtle I was surprised that I had even caught it, especially since he was desperately avoiding to look at me. The kid glanced at his hands instead, nervously rubbing his thumbs together.

"Cool!" I replied to his nod, surprised that he complied willingly. "So here it is, my trash child; my awaited question!" I held up my index finger, talking as if I were an overpaid professor. I leaned down just a tad, close enough for Ichimatsu to hear a whisper, but far enough so I didn't make him uncomfortable. Though I had already failed the latter.

"ICHIMATSU!!" I began louder than expected, causing the trash child to leap back in horror, stumbling over his own feet like a newbie swing dancer. I didn't exactly mean to scare him, but I'm sure he's fine.

"Ha! Okay okay, sorry. So, where do you go every day?" I tried to laugh my outburst off, finishing my question in the process.

"I- Wha-?" Ichimatsu croaked, catching his balance as he looked up to meet my eyes, in which he soon after looked away again.

"Ah, sorry. I must've been too blunt. See, what I meant to say was uh, where do you go when you leave your house every day? You don't seem like the outdoorsy type, yet I see you leaving the house every afternoon. Like, what do you do? If that's okay for me to ask." I explained my question a bit more, slowly deteriorating into embarrassment..

Like, alright.

At first I thought that I'd be really really brave by asking Ichimatsu this question that's been haunting me for days. But now that I've actually said it out loud I hadn't realized how fuckin creepy the question was.

Like goddamn, [Name], this is the Todomatsu situation all over again!! You Fool™!! You can't just tell this guy you watch him leave his home every day that's fucking scary as hell!! You've only met 5 out of the 6 brothers and already you've creeped out 2 of them!! Fuckin learn when to stop @ me!! God!!

Maybe if I run away fast enough my sins can't catch up to me.

"...why do you care...?" Ichimatsu suddenly spoke up, pulling me back to reality.

He had pulled down his surgical mask, letting it clutch to the skin underneath his chin. His unkempt eyebrows were knitted together, narrowed over his dark, tired eyes. Yet, these tired eyes of his had a certain sharpness to them, boring through me in an attempt to tear me apart. In addition, his mouth was curled into a harsh frown, the ends of his dry lips tugging so far across his face it gave him wrinkles.

Like.

Woah.

I did not think this kid would go from bedwetter to delinquent in little under a second.

I would've been impressed by this if it weren't for the fact that I was probably, for realsies this time, going to be shanked by a broken bottle.

"Uh." I sputtered, surprised by his sudden change of tone, which was uh, pretty hostile. "I, well, you know? I was just, super curious!! Like, I see you leave your house at the same time every day, and since I want to be your friend I just want to get to know you-!"

"Friend?"

"Yeah! But I've been too scared to approach you about it! Cuz like?? I didn't know if you'd think I was weird because I watch you as if I'm a scientist studying you?? Wow, that did not sound the way I wanted it to!! I meant to say something along the lines of, 'Boy, am I shy despite my outgoing façade'! You know what, I'm being way too nosy!! And really really creepy!!" I rambled, my breathing starting to sound more like crackling paper instead of soft heaves.

"Listen, let's start over!" I nervously kept babbling on and on, hoping I'd somehow make the situation less awkward. "My name's [Name]- wait you already know that haha,,, Man, what's the deal with these alleyways amirite?? Shame they get such bad rep for being hideouts for muggers and drug dealers! Instead you could just easily sit in a dumpster full of wet garbage and feed some cats,,, old fish from a plastic bag,,, haha,,,"

[Name], you absolute soggy waffle.

Firstly, you admit to watching this guy leave his home every day, secondly you blindly ramble on about how your stalkerish behavior is somehow excusable because you want to be friends with Ichimatsu, and lastly, you further make a complete fool out of yourself by unintentionally mocking the person you said you wanted to be friends with!!

At this point I am begging to be shanked by that bottle.

"...Right..." Ichimatsu murmured under his breath, his face reverting back to a tired expression. "Well..."

"W-Well?"

"Uh... well... "

"Yeah??"

"I... You know what I do now... so... you can leave..." Ichimatsu continued to mumble, clearly finding it difficult to form the right words.

Before I could even reply to his statement, he turned away from me, beginning to drag his feet down the alleyway as if our conversation was over.

Oh but it certainly wasn't over, my Trash Child™.

"Seriously?? That's your response??" I quickly sprinted in front of Ichimatsu, blocking his path with my arms and legs spread out in an ‘x’. Once again he leaped back in surprise, but I didn't give him any time to recover.

"I acted like a total creep and your first thought is to say 'Whatever, I feed stray cats in my free time, bye'???" I questioned, throwing my arms up in a fit. "I spent 4 whole days pretending to have a Ph.D, drinking several liters of soda which has probably fucked up my liver, studying your every move from the darkness of my home, and just today I decided to follow you into the city like some field working biologist!! And that's your reaction?!"

"Y-Yea...h...?" Ichimatsu squeaked, his fingers once again wringing each other nervously. I figured I should really stop yelling at him so much, since he looked pretty frazzled.

"I just, okay, like, Ichimatsu, hear me out." I let my arms fall to my sides, taking in a deep breath before exhaling. "When someone says something stalkerish, such as what I just did, you don't react calmly. If anything you should've been totally creeped out and had yelled 'fire!' to grab someone's attention. Thus, either having me apprehended by the police or having a group of people rough me up like some would do in a bar fight! However, if you feel confident enough in your expert fighting skills, you’re more than welcome to obliterate the creep tryna fuck with your steez! Understand?" I explained to Ichimatsu, trying to educate him on how to potentially protect himself from total creeps. Such as myself, apparently. Ichimatsu, however just stared at me, trying to fathom what I was saying to him.

"I... I know... I just..." Ichimatsu spoke up, attempting to make conversation with me once more. "You said you wanted to know... to know what I do every day... so I'm telling you... I go out and feed the stray cats that don't know where my house is..."

"Yes, I understand! But Ichimatsu, you could get seriously hurt if you- wait, what do mean 'they don't know where your house is?'" I trailed off mid sentence, pondering over what Ichimatsu just said to me.

Incredible.

Absolutely incredible.

The purple crayon had just given me the most groundbreaking information any scientist could ever hope for.

The purple crayon spends some time out in the city, every day, feeding cats who don't know where his home is. This is implying there are cats who know Ichimatsu, and cats who simply don't. In which this must mean almost every stray cat in Tokyo has common knowledge of where Ichimatsu's home is. But considering the latter of cats who lack this knowledge, Ichimatsu finds it reasonable to take time out of his day just to provide these cats nourishment and enlightenment!

The one who gives them food.

The one who gives them warmth.

The one who gives them love.

It's him.

The Real Cat Jesus.

"I'd appreciate if you wouldn't speak into your phone as if I wasn't here... " Ichimatsu's voice interrupted my scientific recording, causing me to end my recording prematurely.

"Ichimatsu, this scientist turned believer would never use your name in vain."

"I'm not... Cat Jesus..." Ichimatsu grunted, clearly annoyed by my new nickname for him. "I just... feed the cats-"

Just then something dawned upon Ichimatsu, causing him to cut his sentence short. His eyes slowly began to widen at whatever thought he had, his mouth agape in realization. Quickly after this thought came to him, Ichimatsu swiftly cut past my 'not very functional or impressive' body blockade, stumbling as he ran.

I hadn't seen someone this impatient to leave me since the whole parent situation.

HA!

Anyways.

Ichimatsu suddenly came to a sharp halt the second he arrived at the entrance of the alleyway, his sandals scraping across the loose concrete that sprinkled the ground as if it had rained pieces of stone the night before. I found myself walking towards the stiffened trash child, taking note of the way his fists clenched by his sides. It was pretty clear that he was upset. Though I was uncertain whether or not he leaned more towards the anger or the sadness in his emotions. I suppose I’d find out once I have the chance to look at his face.

Ichimatsu just simply stood, allowing himself to be covered by white sunlight instead of the shade of the alleyway. He appeared to be looking down at something that lay upon the sidewalk just outside of the alleyway. Once I came to his side, I glanced down at the object Ichimatsu was so fixated on, coming to a sudden realization.

Oh.

His plastic bag.

The thing was torn up, the only contents left inside being an empty bag with a cartoon fish logo printed across it. It appeared his fish goodies were completely devoured by the sea of cats that ran out of the alleyway, leaving a mess of torn up plastic in their wake. I was pretty surprised the thing hadn’t blown away yet, but I guess the treat bag laying on top of the mangled plastic was enough to keep it grounded.

I then turned my attention over to Ichimatsu, my eyes scanning over his face apologetically. The expression on him was actually pretty blank- vacant eyes, slitted mouth, and eyebrows gently raised. He didn't actually look sad or angry, it was as if he felt nothing. However I knew what he must've felt. When stuff upsets me, I feel pretty vacant too. It's not exactly a pleasant feeling. If anything it was much worse than being sad or angry.

I felt awful for surprising him back there, causing all those cats to just rob him of fish snacks. He carried that bag with him everyday right? He was probably rationing out those treats to feed every cat around the suburbs. Though I guess... because of me... he didn't have any more treats for the other stray cats here. And it's not like he could just buy another. He doesn't have a job (source; Matsuno Parents™), he lives purely off of his parents' allowance money if anything. He must spend a lot on these stray cats in the first place too. You know, considering it's his goal to feed every single cat in Tokyo goddamn.

I really did screw up today. So bad.

"Hey, Ichimatsu... I'm so sorry. It's my fault that I ruined your bag." I spoke in a whisper, not wanting to scare Ichimatsu more than I already had today. Ichimatsu flinched upon my words, blinking as he looked up me. He still had that blank expression on his face, but it was a lot less dull than before.

"Don't worry about it... I could care less..." He murmured, looking back down at the mess of plastic.

"But you do care. You're clearly upset about it, and it's okay to be openly mad at me. I ruined your little bag of fish."

"No... I'm not... I'm not mad... It's just a stupid bag of fish, what's there to be mad about?"

"You feed the cats with those fish."

"So?"

“So??”

“...Just forget it. It’s fine.”

"Ah." I relaxed my shoulders, exhaling through my nose. I felt awful about the situation, despite Ichimatsu telling me that it was fine. It wasn’t fine. Whether or not he actually cared about the bag, it did belong to him, and I ruined it. I owe him nonetheless.

"Well, I want to make it up to you. Even though you said to forget about it, it's still an important bag. At least the cats think it's important. And you do like the cats right?" I tapped Ichimatsu's shoulder, causing him to look up at me once more, his eyes dilating upon my words.

"I... I do like, the cats." He admitted softly, his fists relaxing from their once stiffened state.

"Yeah boi, I kno u do, u furry fuck! So! I'm gonna go buy you another bag of fish treats! That way u can keep feeding ur cat apostles!" I proudly stated, giving Ichimatsu a boop on his nose.

"Y-You really don't have to." He stammered, his nervous exterior returning for the 57th time.

"Nah. I wanna. After being a total creep I should apologize for it. So clearly, I'll have to buy you some fish." I tucked my hands into my lab coat's pockets, trying to assure Ichimatsu that what I'm going to do for him is totally okay. "Just bring me to where you bought those and I'll pay for another no prob!" I finished, awaiting Ichimatsu answer. The kid just looked at me, contemplating my offer as if it was the hardest decision of his life.

"I guess... since you're so insistent... I guess that's okay." He caved, turning on his heel as he began to stroll leisurely down the white lit sidewalk.

Looks like that's my cue, gentlepersons.

I quickly gathered myself and skipped my way up to Ichimatsu's side, smiling giddily. I was so so so happy he decided he was chill with me buying him more fish, goddamn I was so elated!!! I'm gonna try my best to redeem myself and prove to Ichimatsu that I was def worth befriending!!

"Hey so, I got yet another question for you." I began, watching as Ichimatsu visibly choked beside me.

"Oh yeah?" He coughed, continuing to look forward as he walked.

"Do you like A-ha?"

------

"I'llllll beeeee goooonnneeee in a day ooor twwoooooooooooooooooooo!" I sang extravagantly, sliding on my knees into a 7-Eleven. As opposed to my grand entrance, Ichimatsu just weakly stumbled in behind me, looking as if he hadn’t had a stress free day in over 10 years.

At least I appreciated my incredible singing talent.

That cute cat idol Frog Boy is head over heels for should hire me for a duet on her next tour.

Ichibaby and I had finally arrived at the closest convenience store, which just so happened to be a good ol’ 7-Eleven. Boy was I #Blessed. I hadn’t been in a 7-Eleven in forever! And by forever I mean like, a month ago?? That’s basically forever. It was long enough to make me miss the smell of three day old hot dogs and slurpee splayed across the ground like blood at a crime scene. Though, surprisingly, I wasn’t met with the scent of musty meat beyond those ominous automatic doors.

This joint was Lemon Scented™.

I can’t believe this.

Standing up from the floor, I gave the 7-Eleven a quick scan, my mouth agape in what could be considered both pleasure and horror.

This place was the cleanest establishment I’ve ever been in. Toe to Tip this 7-Eleven could easily be considered a 5-star restaurant, despite the lack of chairs and tables and wait staff and chefs and uh, well, a lot of stuff. Dust free shelves carried neatly arranged snacks and goodies, stretching across the few aisles in all of their polychrome glory. Freezers packed with pretty beverages lined the left side of the rectangular store, leading up into the very back where several slushee machines and coffee stations sat. Then of course to the right was a wall of newspapers and magazines, stacked perfectly upon one another as if a Professional Librarian was hired daily to sort their literary entertainment. And let’s not forget the gracious cashiers beside the stacks of magazines, standing so agonizingly behind a counter for hours just to make those mons, hon.

Why, if I had to be honest, I’m pretty convinced a hermit like me wasn’t allowed within a 10 foot radius of this place.

Why are all the 7-Elevens in America the equivalent of fever dreams and the ones in Japan just?? Being?? Nice Stores??

“[Name]!” Ichimatsu screamed within a whisper, grabbing ahold of my arm. “Why are you taking off your shoes?!”

“Ichimatsoo, my good boy, my man, my pal, my brotato chip, you must understand. This place is way too fancy for me. I have to take off my shoes out of respect for these clean ass floors.”

“This is a 7-Eleven.”

“A classy 7-Eleven.”

“How… is this classy…??”

“It’s clean in here.”

“I… please, put them back on... ” Ichimatsu let out a long sigh, his cheeks proceeding to burn up once he glanced down at his left hand, gripping the cloth of my lab coat. Quickly pulling away, Trash Child walked past me, moving towards one of the aisles ahead of us. Out of the kindness of my heart, I decided to put back on my shoes, not wanting to embarrass Ichimatsu further. After doing so, I then followed after him.

Ichimatsu browsed through the shelves silently, picking up different brands of dried fish and comparing them to one another. I figured he was already in the #Zone, since he didn’t bother acknowledging my existence. He took his time studying the ingredients and calories per serving on the back of the packages, his lips moving gently as if he was reading them out loud. He was even checking the expiration dates! I gave less of a fuck when it came to stuff like that, but he’s doing this solely for the cats! The cats! I don’t think cats really care about expiration dates on their fish, Ichibaby. Just, pick one?? I mean, if it’s got unhealthy shit in it then yeah, don’t buy it. But otherwise?? You’re fine??

Well. Since this might take awhile, I might as well enjoy myself.

And by enjoying myself I mean breaking into song and dance in a 7-Eleven.

Moving down the aisles, I began playing Take On Me on my smartphone once more, continuing my grand performance I unfortunately had to cut short moments ago. I wasn’t exactly a professional dancer, but hey as long as you feel happy I’d say that’s good enough! The only thing on my mind right now was the will to do great justice to A-ha’s classic. Nothing could stop me from maneuvering my way across these white tiled floors, wildly moving to the sick beats blasting from my phone’s tiny pathetic speakers. With a sway in my step and and the roll of my hips I recited the lyrics to the infamous song, giving a wink to the cute girls who sat by the counters. How lucky I was to have a grand audience of two.

Why, [Name]? Should you be a daring gentleman and ask these beautiful girls to join you in your performance? You could do that super romantic trope where the girl doesn’t know how to dance so her stunningly attractive date (me) decides to teach her. And in that moment, when you both are so agonizingly close, you-

“FUCK ME!” I screeched as something hit me right in my occipital, causing me to stumble towards a rack of assorted pretzels. Quickly catching my balance, and thus preventing me from causing mass homicide on innocent pretzels, I looked down to find a bag of dried sardines. I then turned around, glancing up to find Ichimatsu staring at me from a couple aisles away.

Ichimatsu had this certain look in his eye that screamed ‘Death Will Be Coming Soon™’. There was this heavy aura surrounding him, making his expressionless face even scarier than it actually was. He held a package of dried sardines in his left hand, clutching it tightly. His grip on that package was so intense it was shaking violently. I was pretty confused on why he was so angry. I mean, I was doing the same thing just moments before and he didn’t look as mad as he did now. Just a tad nettled maybe, but angry? I didn’t think I was that annoying. I wasn’t even being that loud. I was using my inside voice and everything. What got his jimmies rustled?? Before I could even ask him what was wrong, Ichimatsu spoke up.

“That’s the one.” He mumbled as he placed the package he held back on the shelf, his words sounding more like gibberish than it did Japanese. Once more I looked down at my feet, picking up the bag he had thrown at me moments before. The package was decorated with cute pink hearts, surrounding a picture of a cartoon sardine with adorable doe eyes. I proceeded to check the price on the back, taking note that it was a bit expensive. But that didn’t matter to me, as long as Cat Jesus gets to feed his apostles, I’m good.

I looked up from the bag, expecting to see Ichimatsu in that same aisle, yet he wasn’t. Instead he was slowly making his way towards me, his heavy aura dissipating the second he came within 5 feet of me. I gave Ichimatsu a smile, tossing the bag he threw at me back and forth in my hands.

“This is our lucky winner, huh?” I raised an eyebrow, watching as Ichimatsu began to gently nod his head.

“Y-Yeah.” He replied, shyly rubbing the back of his right calf with his left foot.

“Nice. It’s got hearts and everything so you know it’s good.” I said, proceeding to walk towards one of the employees who stood silently behind the counter, a strange expression playing on her face. I placed the bag of fish onto the white countertop, allowing the employee to scan the item. After paying for the package of fish the girl then placed the goodies into a cute little plastic bag, similar to the one Ichimatsu carried before. Once the transaction was done, I turned my head, grinning wildly the second I saw Ichibaby.

Ichimatsu was cowering behind me, his pudgy hands gripping the hem of my lab coat as if it was his lifeline. He continued to keep his expressionless face, but his cheeks were dusted with a pale pink. To top it all off this kid’s eyes were glistening, almost sparkling under his lashes. If Ichimatsu wasn’t so embarrassed by me I’d totally scream rn hol,y sh iit.

He was so innocent.

S o c u t e.

He’s like a shy little kid hiding behind their parent when they meet someone for the first time! Except like, it’s me and 7-Eleven employees, not a parent and a stranger!

oH my Gosss hh,,, I just wanna scoop him up into my arms and cradle him for the rest of my life,,,

With the help of my very little impulse control, I was able to contain myself from ripping my skin off. Instead I gave the unsuspecting Ichimatsu a little boop on the nose, watching his eyes widen upon my touch. He choked, letting go of my lab coat as he quickly stumbled backwards. Poor guy looked as if he had been caught committing a crime. I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Ha, sorry, sorry! You’re fine dude, c’mon, let’s blow this popsicle stand.” I gestured for Ichimatsu to follow me, making my way towards the entrance of the 7-Eleven.

Stepping out of the store, I continued out onto the sidewalk, waiting for the Trash Child to join my side. It was still pretty light out, considering there wasn’t much time passed between my following of Ichimatsu and buying the package of dried fish. The sun was still as white as a dinner plate and there wasn’t a cloud to be seen.

Eventually the awaited Ichimatsu came outside, dragging his feet along the ground. He then paused, looking up at me as I held out the bag of dried fish to him.

“Welp, this is where we part ways, my good sir! You, going on to feed every cat in this city, and I, going home to uh, go home. It was nice... spending… time… with you… ha.” I said my farewells to Ichimatsu, not wanting to annoy him anymore than I already had. I mean, the only thing I’ve done all day was pester Ichimatsu. He was having a Good Day™ before I came in to ruin it. There he was, feeding his cats alone in a dumpster, and I just had to join the party. Hell, I was creepy, I called him my trash baby, I ruined his bag, AND I danced to 80’s music in public!

Ichimatsu would never be my friend.

“…I’m sorry…” Ichimatsu suddenly whispered, catching me off guard. I didn’t expect him to say anything, never mind an apology. Where was this sudden sorry even coming from??? If anything, shouldn’t I be the one apologizing??

“What do you mea-” Ichimatsu quickly hushed me, placing his shaky hand over my mouth. Before I could even attempt to comprehend what was happening, I found myself being dragged across the sidewalk. Ichimatsu had his hand intertwined with mine, pulling me down the street in a hurry. I complied with him of course, running behind him as he led me to metal bench sitting outside a brick clinic, just a couple yards away from the 7-Eleven. Ichimatsu then came to a sudden halt, causing me to slam into him, in which he responded with a blood curdling scream.

"Whoa! are you okay??" I let go of Ichimatsu's hand, making some distance between us to see if he was hurt. I didn't think I slammed into him that hard, but I am a lot bigger than him. He's a smol bean compared to me. If anything I'm the biggest bean. I could've easily bruised him if I hit him hard enough.

"I-I… I… " Ichimatsu turned around to face me, embarrassed about the situation. I patiently awaited for his response, hoping that that I didn’t hurt him too bad. But instead of assuring me of his safety, he went on to babble about something else.

“I’m sorr- I can’t do that when- If people are watching…” Ichimatsu jumbled his words, his eyes darting around as if he was looking for someone.

“Dude, what do you mean by people watching? There’s literally no one here. It’s a monday.” I spoke, watching as little droplets of sweat began to speckle Ichimatsu’s forehead.

“N-No, not… Not now, I mean… In the store.” He continued to grumble, his eyes still trailing off to everywhere but my face.

“What about the store??”

“They were looking at us. They pointed.”

“No offense, but I have no idea what you’re talking about, my guy.” I gave an awkward smile, unsure about what Ichibaby was mumbling about.

“The employees!!” Ichimatsu whipped his head up to look at me, his hands clenching into tight fists. “They were pointing at us!! They laughed at you!! How could you have not seen that?!” He lashed out, looking more irritated than he did apologetic.

I was genuinely surprised. I didn’t expect Ichimatsu to suddenly shout like that, I mean, he seemed so quiet and stoic. For him to yell out of anger was incredibly strange to me.

“Oh… well… I guess I just didn’t notice.” I replied, still lost in regards to this conversation. What exactly was this apology about?

“They could’ve taken a video or, said something hurtful… and you didn’t stop so… that’s why I threw-… ” Ichimatsu paused briefly before continuing. “I didn’t mean to hurt you… I’m so sorry… ”

Oh.

Oooooohhhhhhh.

“Was I groovin too hard?? Were my moves too sick??” I joked, trying to lighten up the conversation between us. “Don’t worry about it, Ichimatsu! I’m actually pretty flattered that you didn’t want those girls to laugh at me. I mean, we’re only neighbors so we’re not that close.”

“Y-You… you… really… ” Ichimatsu frowned as he spoke, seeming to be conflicted. “You really don’t care?”

“About??”

“Them looking at you. Doesn’t that, bother you?”

“Uh, I guess so.”

“You, guess so?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m a little embarrassed about it. I didn’t know they were gawking at me like that. But, it’s not like I know them so it’s whatever.” I shrugged, trying to assure Ichimatsu that it was okay. Though, I failed in doing so.

“You should care more… you shouldn’t just, brush it off like that. When people stare at you like that, they want you to know that they’re staring. They want you to know that who you are is a laugh. People who gawk at you… they want you to feel like a freak. They want you to feel guilty for existing.” Ichimatsu raised his voice ever so slightly, not quite yelling, but not quite a normal tone either. It was almost as if he wasn’t even talking to me, as if he was talking to someone else. But the only ones here… were Ichimatsu and I…

“Those girls… they thought you were a joke.” Ichimatsu finished his thought, his final sentence being directed towards me instead of, well...

“Bro, look at me. I’m wearing a soda stained lab coat and I was literally just jamming out in a convenience store. I am a joke. I’m The Joke™.”

“That’s a lie.” Ichimatsu spoke immediately after I finished my sentence, narrowing his eyebrows as he leaned closer to me. “I’m a bigger joke than you’ll ever be.”

Well.

Yet again, I find myself surprised.

That was quite the ironic way to counter someone’s self demeaning words- to say you’re worse than they are.

Where did this sudden concern for me even come from? It was like the more he spent time with me the more comfortable he became. At the start of our meet he barely acknowledged me, answering me only in a series of mumbles and threats to shank me. But now he seemed to be warming up to my company. He was actually looking me in the eye, and talking to me. He was actually really nice. Sweet in his own way, too.

It was no wonder why he fed cats all day- he was a cat. No he was something much more.

“Duuuuuuuudddddeeee. You’re like a penis!!” I took Ichimatsu by the shoulders, watching the color leave his face.

“A-A pen- peni-???” Ichimatsu stuttered, clearly unsure how to respond to my sudden outburst.

“Yeah!! Cuz you’re like, hard on the outside and soft on the inside!!” I excalimed, the plastic bag in my hand rustling as I shook Ichimatsu’s shoulders. “Y’know??”

“I d-don’t-”

“WAIT!! I’m an idiot!! That’s like, the worst comparison! How the hell did I miss geode of all things?? Cuz they’re like, super pretty on the inside and ugly on the outsi- WAIT NO! You’re not ugly!! You’re actually super cute! Like a kitten! A mangy kitten who yearns to murder! Okay, see, what I meant was is that you’re like a coconut! Milky on the inside, hairy on the-! FUCK! NO! THAT’S THE PENIS THING AGAIN! Okay okay wait hold on, give me like, 2 seconds.” I stammered, trying to think of an appropriate comparison to the Trash Child. While I thought, this guy just stood, stiffened between my hands that cupped over his shoulders. I could only imagine the confusion and horror this kid was going through, but I had to be smooth right now. So so smooth. Super smooth. Smooth smooth. Smooth smoothie. Smoothie. That sounds so good.

Oh. Hold on. Yeah. Okay.

“A book!” I exclaimed, letting go of Ichimatsu’s shoulders so he could retain his personal space. “Yeah, a book.” I repeated.

“A,,, book.”

“Yes. You’re like a book- a hardcover book. You’re just like a softcover book, but you experience the outside world differently. You approach harm with a simple tap against your cover, while softcover books get damaged easier. You’re more accustomed to getting thrown around because people don’t think you’re fragile enough to be treated more lightly. Which is really unfair because hardcover books can just as easily be ripped apart like softcovers can. You’re also hard on the outside, so you take a little longer to open. But what’s on the inside is absolutely worth the extra second! You’re filled with beautiful crisp pages!” I happily spoke, gently placing the bag of fish into Ichimatsu’s hands.

“Each page has a story to tell and they’re soft to the touch! Despite it’s few tears and bends here and there, they’re still good pages! And even though your pages are easier to tear apart, the person who’s reading them wouldn’t dare try to hurt you. Because they adore what’s written inside!” I finished, folding my arms proudly. Man, if I can come up with something like this that quick, I can totally whip out a chapter in my book by the end of the week! I’ll need to get home asap!

“W-Who… who are you? Shittymatsu?” I heard Ichimatsu’s gravel-like voice mutter from below, causing me to look down to him.

Ah. There it is.

The blushing boy.

Beet red face, moist eyes, quivering lip, knitted brows, and let’s not forget the shaky hands.

I must’ve like, stolen his heart, considering this reaction goddamn.

Gg @ me. You’ve finally succeeded where you failed when talking to Todomatsu and Totoko!

You’re finally a dreamboat.

“Shittymatsu?? Who even is that??” I laughed, genuinely curious about who this unfortunate person was.

“Karamatsu… ” Ichimatsu hissed under his breath, spitting out Karamatsu’s name as if saying it physically harmed him. Though, his jab at Karamatsu was a bit hard to take seriously, considering how flustered Ichimatsu was. He was like a strawberry, all red and sweet~

“His, poetry, if you could even call it that,,, it’s fucking garbage. He doesn’t know the difference between writing a song and writing a fucking tragedy. I don’t know how this guy can sleep at night, knowing his faux leather jacket has more personality than he does. Love? Happiness? A sense of style? Ha! There’s no way Shittymatsu’s ever going to get a partner if he keeps dressing like a kindergartener's arts and crafts project.” Ichimatsu scoffed, high key dealing out the salt. My jaw? #Dropped.

Fuck dude, I didn’t know why he hated his brother so much, but he was tearing Karamatsu limb from limb right now. And he wasn’t even here goddamn. It was a damn shame there wasn’t an audience here to witness this fucking murder. Karamatsu was missing his own fucking funeral.

“Your poetic skills though,,,” Saltmatsu continued, reverting back to his blush ridden exterior. “It isn’t so terrible,,,” He exhaled shakily, rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand. It was honestly impressive how easily he made a low key insult sound like a genuine praise.

“Awww, that was almost a compliment~” I cooed, placing my hands on my cheeks as if I was being showered with endless amounts of flattery. Ichibaby just simply grunted, too embarrassed by my reaction to respond with actual words. Before I could continue to tease Ichimatsu, my brain practically sucker punched me.

“Oh McFuck dude! Y’know, since I just came up with that super awesome spiel, I’m gonna head home so I can let my creative juices flow onto my laptop!” I recalled, proceeding to slide by Ichimatsu so I could I run on home.

I then began to jog down the sidewalk, making a great distance between Ichimatsu and I before I decided to stop. I turned around, a smile on my face as I looked over to a flustered Ichimatsu staring back at me. As soon as he realized I caught him in the act, he quickly averted his eyes, pretending as if he was never looking at me to begin with.

“Hey, ” I began, Ichimatsu’s head perking up in the slightest once he heard me speak. “Dancing to 80’s music alone is kinda boring! We should dance together sometime! I think that’d be really nice.” I offered, then turning on my heel to continue down the street.

I didn’t bother to look for Ichimatsu’s reaction, I felt like I had already bothered him enough for today. I decided that leaving him be with my dance offer standing, was a good enough farewell. Now he could feed the stray cats in peace.

I picked up some speed as I treaded along the sidewalk, allowing the white sunlight to run through me like wind. With a widespread grin on my face, I proceeded to take out my phone.

Monday, October 7th, 15:37:05, 201X

Day 4, Continued

This will be my final recording in regards to the purple crayon. I’ve finally discovered what activities he takes part in during his day, and thus my research must cease. I’ve discovered many other things as well, which will definitely improve my database. Some of which include his fondness for cats, his surprisingly bashful personality, and his protectiveness concerning his friend-

His… friend…

Yes.

That’s right.

His friend, [Name].

Chapter Text

“I thought I bought mustard what??” I grumbled, suspiciously eyeing the contents of my fridge. I went grocery shopping yesterday, unfortunately without my pun buddy, and I could’ve sworn I had put spicy mustard in the shopping cart! I remember reading the label! Holding it in my hands! My mouth drooling at the mere thought of putting the god tier condiment on my food! Where was my fucking mustard? Out of all the times you decide to go missing, you pick 3am on a saturday! A saturday!! At 3 in the morning!! If it weren’t for the fact that you are an inanimate object, spicy mustard, I would be calling the police real quick.

As mentioned, it was indeed 3 am, on a saturday, in my home, in the dark. I was doing a “Late Night Inspiration Write”, as I liked to call it. I promised myself that whenever I get shot with the Gun Of Motivation™, I would write whatever came to mind, no matter the time or day. Motivation is one of the hardest things to gain. No matter how good you think you are at something, God or whoever the fuck, decides that you shouldn’t take part in your talent and instead be plagued by the impending doom of failure. And unfortunately for me, the only time I get motivation is either in the middle of the night or during school. Which honestly? Blows. Considering I have a surprising amount of free time, you’d think I’d be able to do something. But no. The hands of fate has better plans for me- such including lying on the floor for five hours, eating an entire bag of marshmallows, and spending time with The Squad™ nextdoor. Thus, since I can't write during class time, I'm left with having to skip a few hours of sleep for the sake of getting some writing done, even if it’s just a paragraph. In conclusion, “Late Night Inspiration Write”.

Of course, every time I take part in my late night musings, I find myself faced with insatiable hunger. I guess being an author and constantly having the munchies go hand in hand. So, naturally, I took a quick break from my writing session and proceeded to head downstairs to my lovely little kitchen. There, greeting the fridge like an old friend, I decided to make a delicious sandwich. A [Name] Original™. I was gonna go all out on this sandwich too, I was feeling a little adventurous tonight. I was gonna toast bread and sauté veggies and everything! I was gonna be a real chef! But, as I was gathering my sandwich ingredients, I had found something truly upsetting, or should I say, had not found something.

My spicy mustard was nowhere to be seen.

At first I brushed it off as a joke, I mean, there was no way my spicy mustard was actually missing! I must've just misplaced it in the fridge! Using this theory I decided to gut the said fridge, scanning over the shelves like a predator hunting prey. Or in this case, a sleep deprived fool hunting for mustard, spicy mustard. Even after I emptied my fridge completely, I was still skeptical. I figured I might’ve moved it out with the rest of my food unknowingly. So, one by one, picking up my food from the kitchen’s tiled floor, I began to restock my fridge. But this time I paid very close attention to what I was holding and where I was putting it. Eventually, as I was down to my last item, I realized then that there was truly no mustard in my fridge. There was only a head of lettuce. Just lettuce. A sad, sad vegetable placed so innocently in my hand.

So now, in the present, wearing my grandfather’s old sweatpants, lettuce in hand, staring into the void that was my refrigerator- I found myself contemplating my next move.

I could do one of five things;

A.) Make the sandwich without spicy mustard
B.) Don’t even bother making the sandwich
C.) Go to the Matsuno household and ask to borrow mustard if they had it
D.) Go to the “open 24/7” supermarket and buy another bottle of spicy mustard
Or E.) Move to the Himalayas and become a mustard seed farmer. Not only did spicy mustard originate there, but you’ll never run out of mustard ever again

These options danced around my brain for some time, each having pros and cons unique to them only. I stared emotionlessly into my refrigerator’s light, my eyes beginning to tear up from it’s blaring rays. Instead of shutting the refrigerator like a logical person, I simply turned my head away from the light, looking on to my small stovetop that sat lifelessly amongst the darkness. Again, I hate turning on lights in this goddamn house, I don’t know why I’m so difficult about that anyhow. As if my refrigerator’s single 40 watt light bulb was any better than the four incandescent bulbs lining the ceiling of my kitchen.

Maybe I just thought it was more dramatic or something?? For effect?? Because I want to be as cool and interesting as possible?? I mean, what’s more dramatic than standing in your kitchen alone, in the dark at 3 am, your only light source being the spotlight beaming from your open refrigerator, you’re also holding a head of lettuce, and you want to make a sandwich,,, actually, I uh,,, nevermind.

B u t! Back to the important matter at hand!

Again, there can only be one solution to this problem. But, in whatever I choose there will be a consequence. If I go with option A, I will get to make and then proceed to eat my delicious sandwich, but I won’t have any spicy mustard to put on the sandwich. If I go with B, I’ll just have to abandon the sandwich idea and either go on to eat nothing or attempt to make something else, which isn’t very preferable. I was cravin’ the sweet embrace of a sandwich, my guy, I wasn’t just going to not make a sandwich. If I do C I’ll have the opportunity to visit my sweet boys again, and maybe this time shower them with kisses. But, there was the possibility that they didn’t have any mustard, or they were all fast asleep right now. And man, I’d feel awful if I woke them up just to ask for some mustard. As for D I figured it’d be the safest route to go. The local supermarket wouldn’t be inconvenienced by me if I went to buy mustard, seeing as they were open 24/7, and plus if I do end up finding the other bottle of mustard, then hey, twice the mustard. But, in order to receive said mustard from the store I would not only have to walk there, but I’d also have to spend money. And I do not have the energy or the cash to waltz on over to the store and buy myself some mustard. Finally, if I went with option E, It’d be the most fulfilling, yet most difficult route to pursue. On the downside, I’d have to get a Nepali citizenship, and hell I’m still trying to get a Japanese citizenship. I’d also have to drop out of my dream university and discontinue my career choice of wanting to be a part of the movie industry. Not only that, but I’ll have to buy a plane ticket, actually move into a house in Nepal, start a farm by purchasing gratuitous amounts of good land, adapt to the constant cold weather and snow, become part of the community, serve as a driving force of society, and to sell, trade, and keep record of my crops. On the upside, it’s my mustard.

After several minutes of pondering, and placing my lettuce back into the refrigerator, I finally came to a solution that I believed to be the most reasonable.

“Well… Nepalese can’t be that hard to learn, right?”

Just then, I heard a hard knock on my door.

The noise that knock produced echoed throughout my silent, empty home, filling in the vacant spaces. It was just, one, harsh knock, emanating from my front door, which I hope was locked. I stood in silence, slowly turning my head to glance at the archway that led into my kitchen. Thankfully there wasn’t a serial killer hiding in the darkness. Carefully, I closed my refrigerator, quietly moving out of my kitchen and into the small living room I had slept in the first night I came here. I stood my ground, staring menacingly upon the entryway before me that led into the front corridor- that led to my front door.

Someone was there. I heard the distinct knock, It couldn’t’ve been the wind or an animal. It had to be a person of sorts. But, the question is, who was it? Who could be at my door this late, or well, this early? 3 am wasn’t exactly my visiting hours. For whatever reason, I could only think of the worst.

There was no in hell it was… them. They didn’t want anything to do with me. Sure, they hated me, but they wouldn’t resort to killing me or physically harming me in some way. It’d be ‘bad for their image’ if anyone ever found out. As for that rough and tumble gaggle of idiots, and no I don’t mean the Stooges x 2 nextdoor, there was no way they could’ve found me. If anything, they already think I’m long gone. Given that logic, I was probably nonexistent to a lot of people, including that one guy with the ponytail. It could’ve been the law enforcement, maybe an actual serial killer, or even a burglar.

Whatever it was, I wasn’t going down without a fight.

I slipped silently back into my kitchen, where I went ahead and opened up a pantry by the closet. Hidden behind a box of trash bags and cleaning products was none other than one of three metal baseball bats I kept in my house. One downstairs, one in my bedroom, and one in the bathroom- just in case it’s a Norman Bates situation. I made sure my house was armed with such to protect myself, thanks to Jyushimatsu. If I hadn’t’ve played baseball with him that one time, I wouldn’t’ve gotten the idea. Normally I’d let my fists do the talking but, I didn’t want to continuously injure my hands. I wouldn’t be able to write anymore.

Listen, I’m not insinuating that I never lock my doors or shut my windows but, what if the person tryna break in is like, a WWE style beast or something. They could easily rip off the fuckin door and proceed to snap me in half with their pinkies. I need something to protect myself. Just in case such a situation occurs.

Exiting my kitchen, I began to creep up to the front door, trying so desperately to prevent the floorboards from cracking beneath my feet. So far I was preeeettttyyy stealthy, I hadn’t made a single noise yet. Though my achievement was short lived. As soon as I stepped into the corridor, the knock had returned, bringing some other fellow knocks with it.

The incessant knocking caught me completely off guard, which caused me to stumble over my own feet and fall to my knees. Luckily the thud of my body wasn’t nearly as loud as the banging on my door, so I secretly hoped that whomever was on the other side didn’t hear me. But, I had an uneasy feeling that they did. Seconds passed by and the knocking became even quicker, slamming against my door in a series of uncomfortably harsh noises.

Seriously, if this person was a vampire or something, they’re really not gonna get an invite inside. I mean, they’re probably making an indent in my goddamn door!

Dropping the sneaky sneak act, I quickly slammed open my door, raising up my bat to get a mean first hit on ‘em.

Though, my bat never swung, and the person on the other side didn’t hesitate to start talking.

“God, seriously?? It took you that long to answer your door?? I mean, I get being lazy but- EHH?! Hey!! P-Put that down!! I’m sorry I knocked!! Nobody needs to get their head smashed in!!” The person gave a high pitched yelp, jumping back in horror. That voice sounded, familiar. So so familiar. So so so familiar. So so so so so so so,,,,,,,, familiar.

Letting my bat fall to my thigh, I took a look at the person in front of me, whose eyes were wider than the moon.

A simplistic hoodie, pudgy body, bowlcut, brown eyes, bowlcut, short height, bowlcut, plush cheeks, bowlcut,,,,,,,,

God it h a d to be, right?

This was a genuine Matsuno Boy™.

See, problem was,,, Uh,,, Which one was he? It was, pretty hard to tell in the dark.

Before I could evaluate further, the matsuno boy noticed that I had lowered my bat, proceeding to play off his previous terror with a shit eating grin.

“Ha, nice. For a second I thought y’were seriously gonna injure me! Thanks for not doin’ that, cutie!” He happily spoke, rubbing his nose’s columella with his index finger as he placed his other hand in his hoodie’s pocket.

Cutie. Cutie cutie cutie cutie… cutie… Hm. Well, I can’t say I’m not flattered. Cuz I am. Very flattered. Guess I’m a cutie then, ohohoho~

There were only three boys in the choir that would call me a name like that. Though, I’m pretty sure I can rule out two of them. Based on the reaction this boy gave me when faced with a baseball bat, I can easily say that he’s not Todomatsu or Karamatsu. If I threatened to hit Todomatsu with a baseball bat, he’d either pull out those frightened, innocent puppy dog eyes, or he’d fight back full force. Just as he promised. Though my house wasn’t exactly a Denny’s. As for Karamatsu he’d either be showering me with endless endearments to prevent me from hitting him or he’d be begging me to hit him because ‘He’s a filthy, sinful man who needs to be put in his place by an angel such as myself~!’

So, by default, unless Trash Child, Frog Boy, and The Clam Hunter learned a new vocab word, it had to be… be… oh… uh… the red one.

The guy with the red hoodie, that… dude… with the face. Him. A good boy… My pal… …

I have no fuckin’ clue what his name is I totally forgot lmao.

I mean, can you blame me?? It’s been over a month, dude! And I met him once!

“Oh! Well, no prob. You know, for not maiming you.” I gave an awkward smile, hoping Red Hots wouldn’t realize that I had no clue what his name was. So far, it was working.

“Yeah. Well, I guess I don’t blame you! I must’ve been knocking pretty hard so, it’s okay to be mad at me! I was gettin’ super cold out here so I was uh, trying to make you go faster.” He explained, that widespread smile of his still stretched across his face, almost unnoticeable under the black, starless sky. After he mentioned being cold, the outside world’s temperature finally hit me like a sack of trucks. It was, a really big sack.

Red Hots was absolutely right. It was cold. Like, the type of cold you should not be wearing a tanktop and mangy sweatpants in (@ Me). The freezing air nipped at my bare skin like several angry mosquitoes and my fingers were already numbing around my metal bat, which made it incredibly harder to hold onto. Looking down, I noticed little patches of ice speckling the ground in several tiny patterns, glistening despite the lack of light. I was actually pretty surprised that it wasn’t snowing right now.

“Fuck dude, I’m sorry! You must be cold as hell! Here, come on in!” I quickly apologized to the sextuplet, backing up into my house to allow him inside. With a swift flutter of his eyelids and toothy grin growing bigger, Red Hots gladly made his way into my comfortably heated home, immediately kicking off his crimson slip ons.

“D’aww, thanks! You’re so nice~!” He cooed, blindly maneuvering towards my living room. His shoulder hit the side of the entryway, causing him to hiss. Shaking off the pain he proceeded forward, slowly, moving his arms around in front of him cautiously.

“Damn, how can you even see in here?? Could you turn on some lights??” He whined, a bit of a groan lacing his complaint. Oh, right. Not everyone’s a nocturnal recluse like I was.

“Yeah, sure.” I shrugged, flicking on a light switch. Red Hots screamed the second my once pitch black living room lit up like the sun. I didn’t give much of a reaction to this though, I was used to the Matsuno Boys’ screaming at this point. No matter what strange noises emitted from their mouths, I doubt it would bother me.

“GAhh- That’s too briiigghhtt!” He continued to whimper like a little kid, rubbing his eyes frantically as he stumbled over to the living room’s large bean bag chair (Placed ever so conveniently by the short wooden table~ I liked eating snacks in style~). Red Hots plopped down onto the bean bag, nestling himself into the baby blue fabric as he looked up to me from across the room.

There was no way, no way, all of the Matsuno boys were cute. This couldn’t be real. How could it be?? How common was it to have charmingly adorable sextuplets live across the street from you? I doubt it’s often. If anything that sounded like a sentence summary of a porno. Like, there’s always an ugly twin, right? But in this case, none of them were ugly. They were all super sweet in their own, weird, NEET way.

Red Hots for example, was way more of a cutie than I was.

His bowlcut was a little untamed, though not as tangled as Ichimatsu’s, and he had super prominent chub, more apparent than any of his other brothers’. I mean, all the brother’s were seriously pudgy, I’m talkin, Thicc As Fuck™. But Red Hots, if anything, looked just a little bigger, especially when he was lain across the bean bag. His double chin was more noticeable with his head thrown back, and his soft, pale beer belly poked out just a tad from his baggy hoodie, overlapping the button on his jeans. His left hand was placed limply onto the fabric of the bean bag, whereas his right hand’s thick fingers continuously rubbed the tears that pricked his tired eyes- guess he wasn’t kidding when he said it was too bright in here. Lastly, this Handsome Boy’s rounded facial features were beautifully highlighted by the redness the cold had bestowed upon him. His sweet button nose was tinted with that crimson, spread over his cheeks and onto his pursed lips. Now he was blowing hot air into his hands, his expression growing happier the warmer he became. He looked like such a cozy lil’ boy.

God

He really is so so cute.

Man, I hope it’s not weird to want to pap his belly and give him a little smooch on the head ohmygo s h.

“...Ehh~?” Red Hots suddenly spoke up, snapping me out of my thoughts. I saw that his gaze was locked onto mine, a smug smirk playing on his face. His eyebrows were raised high over his half lidded eyes, refusing to break his stare from me as he rolled onto his side. Placing a hand firmly on his hip and the other underneath his head, he cooed once more,

“Like whatcha see~?” Red Hots blew me a kiss, following it with a squinted wink.

I could already feel my face growing hot with embarrassment.

He caught me in the act. He saw me staring at him.

My hand gripped the baseball bat tighter than ever. Goddamn, Red Hots, I’m not even sure how to respond to that! You caught me completely off guard! How can I possibly come up with a witty retort in such short notice?? I need… I need time omg…

“S-Sure do, Buckaroo. Would absolutely tap that, 20 outta 10.” I gently tossed my bat to the side, proceeding to give Red Hots the Finger Guns™.

“Woah! Seriously??” He sprang upwards, his mouth agape in awe. “Heheh~ I was right! I knew you were into chub!” He proudly stated, grabbing his belly to squish it’s soft rolls. Like,,, a big warm,,, fluffy loaf of bread,,, o h go s h I can’t st op thinking ab out my sandwic h,,,

“Oh! You know what,” I recalled, walking over to where Red Hots sat. “Since you’re here I might as well ask you!”

“Ask meeeee, out on a date? For oral? For sex?”

“What if I don’t like sex?”

“Then a delicious ice cream cone! You’ll have to pay though.”

“In that situation where I’m asking for an ice cream cone, why is it that I’m paying for it??”

“I don’t have money~”

“Relatable.” I snorted, planting my ass onto the tiny wooden table. Sitting across from Red Hots I then continued my previous statement. “Nah though, Listen. You got any mustard at home??”

“Mustard?” Red Hots’ cheeky expression faded and was now replaced with a confused stare. He had his left hand placed under his chin in thought, while the other hand continued to knead his tummy. “Hmmmmmm… Maybe~” He shrugged, regaining his silly grin.

“Whaaaatt?? C’mon man, it’s a yes or no question. I need mustard, dude.” I whimpered like a little kid, seriously in need of mustard comfort.

“Weeeellll,” He began to ponder again, speaking up after a few seconds. “We probs have mustard! Pretty sure!”

“NICE!” I jumped off the wooden table, throwing my arms up excitedly. “Let’s get going then!” I cheered, making my way towards the front door. But suddenly, I heard a loud thud and found myself unable to move any further. I looked down only to find Red Hots latched onto my left leg like a parasite, trying to weigh me down.

“Nooooooooooooo.” He whined, nuzzling his cold cheek against the warmth of my leg. He had both his arms and his legs wrapped around my calf, his belly still out from beforehand.

“Pal, I just want some mustard.” I raised a brow, attempting to drag Red Hots along with me. Which, actually wasn’t very hard. What can I say, I lift.

“But you caaaaaaan’t. You gotta do somethin’ for me first!” He continued to ‘cry’. He ended up dropping the ankle weight act and was now so desperately trying to pull me back into the living room. I couldn’t help but give a sigh, looking back at the adorable boy. Red Hots had this sweet little pout on his face, his eyes shut tight from struggling to keep me immobile. His pudgy hands were wrapped tightly around my ankle, though his grip didn’t hurt me. Not only that, but his guy was sprawled across the floor on his back, his legs totally limp. I mean, for someone tryna play tug-a-war with my leg, that position wasn’t exactly effective. You gotta hold your ground, lil’ cinnamon bun.

“Oh yeah?” I turned on my heel to face Red Hots, genuine curiosity lacing my voice. “What is it?” Once I had questioned him, Red Hots’ expression quickly perked up, a big grin growing on his lips.

“You gotta hang out with me!” He released my ankle, lazily rolling onto his stomach to pick himself up. The lil’ cinnabun then proceeded to pull his hoodie over his tum, patting down his baggy clothes.

“Hang… out with you?” I blinked, suddenly coming to a realization. “OH! OOOOOOHHHHH! IS THAT WHY YOU CAME OVER??” I gaped, my stare alternating between my front door and Red Hots.

Like… Seriously, [Name]. Red Hots knocks on your door, asks to come inside, and you don’t even ask him why?? You just?? Let him inside?? Honestly, it’s incredible how you haven’t been bludgeoned to death by a serial killer yet.

“Of course that’s why I came over!!” Red Hots exclaimed, his grin turning into a harsh frown. “You went on a date with every single one of my brothers but me!! Me!!” He held his arms out to his sides, looking as if he was about to go on a rant. “First it was Karamatsu, then Jyushimatsu, then Todomatsu, then Fappymatsu, then Ichimatsu,” He counted their names off his fingers, looking more and more upset with every passing second. “But not little ol’ me!! Not once have I been asked out by you! They always talk about you too! But I feel so discluded because I haven’t gotten to spend time with you like they have! Chorofappyski even teases me about it! ‘Oh? Well maybe you should stop being such a no life and they might ask you.’ Yeah right, like that has anything to do with it! All you do is jack off and cry into your Nyaa-Chan dakimakura, and I’m the no life?!” Red Hots scoffed, mockingly using a nasally nerd voice to imitate Choromatsu. “Oh! But let’s not forget my other brothers who so obviously aren’t teasing me like Choromatsu is! ‘[Name] is one of God’s great muses~ A true morceau de boeuf~’, ‘[Name] IS SO NICE!! THE NICEST!!’, ‘They… bought me fish… they’re not so bad…’, ‘I think [Name] really likes me~ Have you spent time with them yet, Nii-san~??’- Seriously, piss off!” Red Hots looked absolutely infuriated, mimicking his brothers’ praises as if they were bad jokes.

I just, stood, watching Red Hots drone on and on about how unfairly he was being treated. It was pretty obvious how left out he felt. Who could blame him? In the sextuplets’ eyes I was like, the equivalent of The Foreign Hot Guy™ who just transferred to their school and everyone had their dicks out for me. And like, the sextuplets are the bullied wallflower protagonists who want my attention and validation. And so, imagine how Red Hots must feel to know that The Foreign Hot Guy™ he’s been crushin’ on has fucked all his brothers but him. I'd imagine he feels pretty hurt…

“I’m sorry dude, I had no idea your brothers were teasing you like that…” Seriously. I had no clue that I was a brag right. It was honestly super flattering. You can’t be part of the club until you’ve hung out with the stunningly gorgeous [Name]. Like… gosh I didn't know the Matsuno boys thought so highly of me… I never thought anyone would see me like that… “But, believe me when I say that I really was going to spend time with you at some point! It just so happened that you ended up being last on my list, it wasn’t intentional…”

“Oh yeah???” Red Hots continued to pout like a kid, moving closer to me so he could meet me eye to eye. Or well, eye to chin lmao. “I bet you don't even remember my name.”

…

………

…………… fuck my entire ass.

“What?! Of course I fuckin’ remember your name!!” I blurted, beginning to feel sweat dot my forehead. It was all over now. I was about to be K.O.’d, finished, obliterated…

“Yeah?? So what is it??”

“Haha… w-what is what??”

“My name, [Name]!” He whined, looking more sad than he did irritated. His eyebrows were raised, pitifully knitted together as his frown sagged down his face. God I felt so bad…

“You know!! It's,,, you!! The Red Hood™!! My dude. You’re uh,,, the guy!” I sputtered nervously, watching as Red Hots dramatically fell onto my chest, lightly hitting my shoulders with his fists.

“You're so cold!! So cold!!” He whimpered, nuzzling his plush face into my sternum. “It's your buddy, Osomatsu!! You told me about fight club and said I was your boyfriend!” He exclaimed, his words muffled since he was nestled into my chest.

Osomatsu god that’s right that was his name it's Osomatsu fuck I'm such an idiot of course it's Osomatsu.

“I know who you are!! It's just… been a while so… I-I forgot your name…” I frowned, gently petting Osomatsu’s head. I really really really wanted to make it up to him for being so forgetful, especially given the whole situation. I felt so bad for unintentionally leaving him out.

“Well I remember your name!!” Osomatsu looked up to me, resting his chin on my collarbone. He gave me the best puppy dog eyes he could manage, though they were mediocre at best. “It's [Nam- ………man…” Osomatsu suddenly cut off his sentence, his hands going limp on my shoulders. “You're like… super hot…” He grinned, scooting even closer to me than he was before. “Like, I know you’re hot! But up close you're like, really really hot. Like crazy hot! Someone call an ambulance cuz I'm gettin’ serious 3rd degree burns! You’re singeing me to a crisp!!” Osomatsu cooed, letting his arms snake around my hips, given his height. I couldn't help but snort.

I can't believe he went from hurt to heated so quickly I stg,,,,,

“Well if you're burnin’ up so bad, why are you tryna crawl into my skin?” I laughed, my hand still stroking his dark locks.

“Maybe I like being on fire~ Call me a Pyromantic~” He snickered, clearly satisfied with himself.

I just couldn't believe it.

After hearing the infamous phrase twice in my life, I had to make use of it.

“To pull an OsomATSU!!” I gasped, taking Osomatsu’s face into my hands. “Oh my god I feel so honored truly so fucking honored Jesus Christ I can't believe I got to witness this like goddamn I knew you were trying to make a pyromaniac pun but fuck dude a pyromantic is actually a thing, a really dangerous thing, and honestly it works either way,,,” I babbled, squishing his chubby cheeks affectionately. And let me tell you, Osomatsu was enjoying every second of it.

“Awww~ I feel so loved~~~” Osomatsu flushed a bright pink, flattered by my loving cheek squishes. “You're so cute~~ So so cute~~ Let me be your boyfriend for realsies~~” He shuffled in even closer, his lower belly pressed against my pelvis and his legs trying so desperately to intertwine through mine. Though uh, if he actually did that we would both fall.

“Dude. I literally forgot your name, which hurt your feelings, yet you want to be my boyfriend?” I gave a half smile, watching as realization washed over Osomatsu’s face.

“Wait!! That's right!! You did forget my name!!” Osomatsu reverted back to his irked expression, though he was still pressed against my body. “So rude, forgetting about your boy Oso like that when all he wants to do is take you out on a date… Humph!” He turned his gaze away from me, the side of his head still lying against my chest.

“Pfffft, bro. Are you seriously attempting to be mad at me when you're still tryna wear my skin like a coat?” I raised a brow, laughing as Osomatsu pulled away from me, though his arms were still placed tightly around my hips.

“C’moooonnn I thought you liked it! You let me touch you back at my house! I nuzzled your cheek and everything!” He complained, shuffling his feet around as if he were anxious.

“I didn't say I didn't like it, I'm just sayin’, that for someone who's tryna be mad at me, you sure like to bury your face into my ribcage.” I continued to laugh, giving Osomatsu’s nose a quick pinch.

“Whhaaaaaaaaaatt?? Well,,, I mean,,, l-listen!! You're super soft!! And really warm~ And you smell really really good~ Like, like applesauce~” He gave an sweet, yet awkward smile, rubbing his nose with his index finger while his other hand still held onto my lower back. I could feel my smile grow wider- seriously, he was adorable.

I gently took Osomatsu’s arm off my hip, proceeding to walk down the front corridor and up my staircase. A confused Osomatsu soon followed after, his face practically digging into my ass as he tried to get as close to me as possible on the stairs.

“Hey hey hey hey w-where are you going?? Don't leave me all alone!” Osomatsu whined, totally winded from walking up the stairs. Honestly me too. I stopped in my tracks, turning on the top step to face Osomatsu.

“Buddy, I’m just going upstairs to turn off my laptop so it doesn’t die. Plus I need a sweater to put on since I’m only wearing a tank top and sweatpants right now. I don't want to freeze to death while we’re out chillin’.” I gave Osomatsu a cheesy grin, raising my left hand to make a finger gun.

“oooOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH HA!!” Osomatsu’s tired face suddenly lit up like a christmas tree, giving me finger guns in return. “Chillin’!! I get it!!” He snickered, realization then dawning upon him. “WAIT!! Does that mean-”

“Hell yeah dude. You wanna hang, I wanna hang; Let's hang!” I gladly spoke, turning back around to head towards my room. “Besides, I feel bad about not spending time with you and uh, I really want some mustard.”

“Well~!” Osomatsu sang from the staircase, indescribable joy lacing his voice. “For today, consider me your Sugar Daddy, no, your Mustard Daddy~!”

------

“Wait, but what are the 3 numbers in the center for?? Is that like, my power level?? Is this some weird anime shit??” I asked, my eyes intensely focused on the glowing screen placed in the middle of the pachinko machine.

Osomatsu and I were currently out on what he considered ‘our date’, which I didn't mind calling it such. We were walking leisurely around the outskirts of Tokyo when I had casually asked why he wanted to hang out so early in the morning. I found it odd that Osomatsu decided to ask me out at 3am of all times. Though, I didn't mind. I was already wide awake before he even came to my house. I was just curious. Osomatsu simply gave me one of those awkward, goofy laughs of his before he willingly came clean.

He claimed that he didn't want his brothers to know that he had to initiate the date with me. So far, I was the one that ended up making my dates with the Matsuno brothers official, thus why the dates were so special to them;

Nobody asked them out. Ever.

Osomatsu said that him asking me out himself, was basically waving the white flag. He was impatient and wanted to spend time with me, but he didn't want to be the ‘loser older brother’. So, he decided to ask me out when none of his brothers were awake to witness it. He said he’d actually die of embarrassment if any of them found out.

I was understanding, of course, so I promised not to tell. I didn't hold anything against Osomatsu and his brothers; they were pretty fun company.

After his explanation, I proceeded to ask where we’d be going at such an early hour. In response to my question, all he did was rub his adorable nose, grinning when he said he’d be taking me to the best joint in the city. Which, admittedly, freaked me the fuck out at first because I was dressed like an edgy 1990’s movie protagonist with depression, and I didn't want to be kicked out because I violated the dress code. But uh, if anything me and grease stained blue jeans over here would both be kicked out. However, my worries quickly disappeared when I was met with a giant neon red sign that read ‘The Pachinko Dragon’, ‘Open 24/7’.

Didn't think our first date would be fuckin’ gambling, but you know, it's whatever.

I’m here to please~

Luckily, I had brought my wallet with me, since Osomatsu previously claimed that he had no money (thus making me the new sugar daddy), so I was able to show an employee my ID to confirm I was 18+. After the exchange, him and I went on to find some pachinko machines that weren’t currently occupied. Which, we were able to do so.

Though the place wasn't exactly super classy, it was a fairly decent establishment. Black walls and flooring, the only lighting being a plethora of neon lights emanating from the walls and pachinko machines, a small, casual bar in the back, and soft jazz playing from overhead speakers. However the music was hard to hear over the noisy patrons and the rolling of several metal balls.

But you know, I guess Osomatsu wasn't kidding. It didn't smell like sewage in here so I'd say this place is top tier from that fact alone.

“Nah, that's not your power level dude~ Those are numbers that you need to match up when you play your balls. If you get three in a row you get extra balls or hella cash.” Osomatsu explained to me, his warm breath caressing my ear as he hovered over my shoulder. Again, I don’t think he knew what personal space was, but I wasn't bothered by it.

“Ooooohhhh.” I gave a quick nod, fixing my posture on the red leather seat below me. “So it’s kinda like slots but not really?”

“Yeah, I guess so! I personally think it's way harder to get three in a row on a pachinko machine than a slot machine, but I've practiced enough to know some pretty rad tricks if you’d like to hear them~” Osomatsu replied, a certain proudness in his voice.

“Sure man, you're a pachinko professional, right? I'd love to learn from the best~” I turned to Osomatsu, my lips almost touching his cheek. Boy was he close. “Please, Great Pachinko Master, bestow upon me your teachings~” I held up my hands as if I were praying to him, causing Osomatsu to snort.

“Well, it's only sensible for the Great Pachinko Master to oblige my loyal followers, heheh~” Osomatsu played along with my joke, placing a hand on my shoulder as he used his other one to point at the large machine we were using, looming over us with those colorful bright lights.

“For basics, I’d say it's pretty common knowledge for tons of pachinko players, but you gotta pick a machine that’s had the least amount of wins in a day.” He began, pointing to the little strip of numbers in the top right corner. “See? I picked a pretty good one for you~! It's gotten over 60 spins today and only 9 people won! Lucky [Name]~ Your boyfriend Osomatsu is a real great guy, huh~?”

“Wait!! Hold the fuck up!! That doesn't make any sense!! If a lot of people lost wouldn't that mean bad luck for me?? As in I'm gonna have to ask my grandparents for extra cash?? As in I'm gonna lose major bank?? As in my sugar daddy days are over??” I gaped, surprised that such a thing was actually logical! I already put money in this machine! Am I gonna fuckin’ lose it?? Is this funny to you or something, Osomatsu?? I'm in college, I'm already broke enough as it is!! It was a struggle for me to pay for a browning head of lettuce, nevermind losing ¥400!

Osomatsu you stale piece of bread, why the fuck would you play me like this?? You flavorless bitch, you absolute crusty motherfucker.

“Nonononono trust me! You're not gonna lose money! … Most likely!” Osomatsu quickly corrected himself, trying to give me a reassuring smile. “Pachinko machines are run on waves! So if there's a machine with lots of wins you’ll be less likely to win, but with little to no wins you’ll be more likely to gain a win!” He finished, a wash of relief covering me from head to toe.

"Okay, alright, yeah, that makes more sense.” I exhaled, calmed as I looked back at the pachinko machine. "So uh, I'm more likely to win, which is good, but how do I get that cash money to begin with, dude?"

"Alright, well I already told you that like, pachinko is a lot like pinball right?"

"Ye."

"Cool~ So like, all you gotta do to assure you get some bank is to use the right amount of force and focus your aim real good!" Osomatsu then pointed happily to the round dial to the bottom right, sitting just beside the uwazara that held all my playable metal balls. "Personally, I try to be pretty forceful if I have an exact aim! But for more uncertain shots try to be a little more gentle, you might be luckier that way~" He explained, his hip jutting out ever so slightly to touch my arm. "Go ahead, babe, give it a good ol' college try~"

"Buddy." I snorted, glancing at Osomatsu who had a cheesy smirk on his face. The guy didn't even attend college or university, I doubt he really understood what it meant. If I gave this thing a 'college try', I wouldn't be getting any money back. Focused on the machine's screen, I turned the dial, waiting for the perfect aim. The goal was the reach the small pocket at the bottom, waiting so sinisterly for my try. It was taunting me, begging me to make a move only for it to miss.

Goddamn why was this so intimidating?? I felt like I was abouta perform neurosurgery over here. This was like, death pinball. The kinda pinball that'll mug you in your own home and eat your shoes in front of you. This pinball was here to terrify, to establish pinball dominance. It's hoping you'll get addicted, feeding it more and more cash until you've dried out your bank account and left the machine satiated with your driving life force. It wants you to waste your life, it's ready to take your mortality, it's out for blood.

But my blood is gonna stay right in my body, yes sir.

I swallowed sharply, allowing my balls to drop (heh) down the board.

The metal objects clinked their way across the many pegs lain on the board, the colored lights on the screen shining brighter than ever as my play was in motion. I watched carefully as those little pieces made their way down, bouncing, rolling towards the bottom's center.

These balls were so close.

So agonizingly close.

I held my breath, shaking as I watched one ball drop through the pocket.

Then two.

Then three.

Then four.

Then five.

I felt my eyes widen at the sight, my mouth going dry from being open for so long.

A 8-bit tune began to play upon the pachinko machine, signifying that a reach had been made. I watched as the little cartoon character's upon the little screen began to fight each other, one holding my desired number and the other holding the differing number. The seconds that passed felt like days to me. This was a make or break situation. I knew it was unlikely for me to get 3 in a row, despite the better odds I had, but I was still hopeful.

Before I could even blink, I heard a loud clack and several series of other clacks following right afterwards. I looked down, slowly, finding that my uwazara was filled to the brim with more playable balls. I stared blankly, only for a moment, before I regained some sort of consciousness.

"Am I... Can I play again?" I questioned, turning to Osomatsu with an uncertain look. Though, I felt my uncertainty quickly dissipate the moment my eyes settled on Osomatsu's expression.

Osomatsu was as white as a sheet, his eyes trembling as he looked at the machine's neon screen. His lower lip was quivering slightly, glistening softly under the neon light due to the saliva that coated his pink skin. His hands were left at his sides, limp and white, supposedly from being clutched for so long. He didn't notice my gaze until I gently poked his cheek, causing him to face me with a clearly forced smile.

"O-Oh what?? S-Sorry! Uh, damn! Dude, I seriously can't believe you got 3 in a row on your first try...! Haha..." Osomatsu stammered, desperately attempting to recollect himself. "B-Beginners luck~" He shrugged cockily, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Go ahead, try again~ Let's see if you'll get as lucky on your second play~"

"Alrighty~" I gave Osomatsu a smile, proceeding to turn the dial on the pachinko machine once more. "Fuckin' watch me tho, lmao, I'm gonna crash and burn."

Spoilers.

I uh, did not crash and burn.

If anything I flourished. Watered with riches by the gods above. I was hand fed grapes, picked from the finest orchards amongst the heavens. Dressed in the lightest silks woven by the purest and most just of angels.

To put it shortly- I won a little over ¥7300.

"FUCK MY THROBBING ASSHOLE, GODDAMN IT!!"

Oh, and Osomatsu was a little jealous.

Just a little.

After piling up that cash money, Osomatsu, very insistently, wanted to show me how a real pro won big. He took a seat at our pachinko machine, making a comment about how warm my ass was, before slipping in ¥100 he found in his back pocket.

Thus, began his unfortunate plays.

At first he acted like quite the show off, confident he'd win big. He didn't hesitate to release the dial, nor was he fixated to his seat when the balls dropped down the board. He just slouched casually, eyes closed contentedly as he expectantly awaited for the 8-bit music to play. But the 8-bit music never played, and the balls never dropped into the tiny pocket below.

Lather, rinse, and repeat.

Osomatsu held that same cocky expression throughout each play, holding such high belief in his pachinko playing abilities. He lost every one so far, but kept his high hopes, truly expecting to win big bucks the next turn. And the next turn. And the next turn. And the next turn. And the next turn...

Denial.

The first stage of grief had hit Osomatsu the second he ran out of money. He was confused, speechless, looking down at his empty hands in disbelief. He eventually whipped around to face me, looking me in the eyes with this certain, pitiful expectancy. Osomatsu acted as if he were worshipping me, his head hung low and his folded hands held out towards me. His muddy eyes were softly gazing at my face as if I were some sort of ethereal being, enveloped in a warm, bright light, standing over him as if his divine judgement was due.

I got the message pretty quick.

Borrowing some of my money he continued to play pachinko. He wasn't as confident this time, though he desperately tried to maintain his cocky exterior. He had his legs uncomfortably crossed, his arms folded tightly as if he were hugging himself. Once again, his losing streak grew, causing him to fall into what could be called the second stage of grief.

Anger.

You know what, hold up.

Fuck anger tbh. This guy was livid. He was secreting fire from every fuckin' orifice! He was completely irate! Osomatsu was bouncing his leg furiously, biting his bottom lip so hard he ended up drawing blood. His hands were tightly gripping the edges of his seat, his knuckles paling to a bright white from the amount of force put into his hold.

He looked like he was abouta throw hands with the pachinko machine. I was tempted to start chanting in his favor too.

You got it lil' cinnabun, kick it's goddamn ass.

"FUCKING, FFFFFF U C K!" Osomatsu snarled, staring intensely at the pachinko machine's screen. "This,,,, oooooohhhh boy, ooooohhh this,,,, mmmmHMMMMMMOOOH BOY!!"

"Oh boy indeed." I raised a brow, my stare focused on Osomatsu's contorted face.

"LISTen,,, okay okay,,, mmmHMMMM oohhh man god this!!! This is!!! B u l l s h i t!! Why do you always want me to lose?! Huh, machine?!" Osomatsu threw up his arms, his fierce frown turning up into a sinister smile. "I've been playing this fucking bITCH of a game for years and THIS is how I'm repaid for my dedication??" He began to rant again, harshly pressing an index finger to the pachinko machine's screen.

"I would suck 30 dicks for you!! 30 fAT COCKS for you!! Real big ones!! I would sell my body!! My body!! For the sake of winning big on your ass!! I enjoy every second of being railed, knowing that one day I'll be able to make so much fucking bank!! I won't ever need you again! I'll n e v e r look back!" Osomatsu screamed within a whisper, arguing with the inanimate object. At this point I began to text my grandma this incredible fight, a widespread grin on my face as I listened to my boy Oso.

"You piss coated money eating fucker, I am OOOOOOO boy am I just soooOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO Jesus fUCKING CHRist!" Osomatsu continued to yell, his face turning just as red as his hoodie. His furious screams were really frightening the other patrons, causing them to distance themselves as far away from us as possible. No matter how much I was enjoying this extravagant yell fest, I had to look at the situation logically. If Osomatsu kept this up, we'd be kicked out for sure. And I didn't want to end our date so soon.

Before he could go on about sucking even more dicks, I gave his shoulder a quick tap.

"Hey, so,,, hey,,, I gotta pachinko tip for you,,, my good man,,, my cinnabun,,, my lovely little rage muffin,,," I murmured softly, causing Osomatsu to turn to me with a much calmer expression. He looked curious as to what I had to say, so I gladly continued. "You see,,, those numbers up there,,, I heard that these machines run in waves,,, and there has been a lot of wins on this machine,,, so you'll be less likely to win,,," I recited, giving Osomatsu a gentle pat on the back. His face quickly blanked, looking as lifeless as ever.

Bargaining.

".....Right." Osomatsu breathed, his eyes unblinking as he slowly turned back to the pachinko machine's screen. "Ha. It has... all your wins... That's why I was losin' so bad... haha... All I wanted to do… was impress you... " He exhaled, his hands balled up into fists in his lap. He stayed like this for a while; motionless, dead. Osomatsu just stared into the glowing screen as if it were sapping his life force, as if it were taking control of his body.

It was, quiet.

"So uh, how're you feelin' bud? Better? Consoled? Calmer?" I spoke up, interrupting the cheerful music that played from the pachinko machine. Osomatsu attempted to put on an emotionless smile, facing me with dilated eyes.

"I want to set myself on fire."

Depression.

"Atta boy~" I cooed, my hand removing itself from Osomatsu’s back, only to be held out towards his face. "Don't feel too bad about it, sweet pea. You’ll always be The Great Pachinko Master in my eyes. If it makes you feel any better, I can always rail you later if you want."

"Really???" Osomatsu perked up, his eyes sparkling with this unbelievable amount of joy. With his mouth agape, he swiftly took my hand, allowing me to help him off the leather seat.

"Naaaahhhh." I smiled, looking down at the clearly disappointed Osomatsu. "But, I don't mind buying you a drink."

Acceptance.

"Whoa!! Hell yeah!" Osomatsu grinned, slipping his arm around my hips. "A free drink from a smokin' hot babe? How could I say no~?" I couldn't help but laugh, wrapping my own arm around his waist in return.

"Lets go then! Can't let my beautiful date wait any longer for his drink~" I happily spoke, allowing Osomatsu to lead me through the maze of pachinko machines and towards the small bar in the back. The bar wasn't old fashioned like the one in the restaurant Choromatsu and I went to. It was pretty modern bar; glossy wooden countertop, metal shelves containing fairly mediocre liquors, and wearing spinny stools. Osomatsu, with my help boosting his short ass up there, took a seat by one of the countertop's edges. I followed, taking a seat next to him where I proceeded to call over the bartender. After ordering Osomatsu's drink, plus my fries because I'm here to party, I turned to the cinnabun himself, starting up random conversation.

We talked with each other about a few different topics, laughing as we did so. He told me about his everyday antics with his brothers whereas I told him about my own with... me only lmao. He told me about the time his brothers attempted to replace him with a total stranger, the time he and his brothers were tricked out of their money because they wanted to see some sweet ass and titties (honestly me too tf), and he even told me about the time him and his brothers played major league baseball in space, which was relatable. He had a plethora of stories to drone on and on about, a goofy smile on his face as he laughed at his own jokes. I sat, happily listening to what he had to say, every so often contributing a story of my own relating to what I do all day alone or stupid stuff that's happened to me in my university. I didn't quite have as many funny stories to tell, but I didn't mind. I loved listening to Osomatsu.

I liked his laugh. The way he snorted and bellowed away at jokes was endearing. It had this sweet sound to it, like a little kid giggling uncontrollably. I also liked the way he scratched at his pudgy tum and the way he rubbed his nose rhythmically. Gosh, he really was so sweet, looking at me curiously with those shiny, deep brown ey-

Fu C K HE CAUGHT ME AGA I N

"Heheh~ You're too cute [Name]! If you keep looking at me like that everyone's gonna think we're in love~" Osomatsu flushed pink, giving me a silly grin. I couldn't help but blush in return. Honestly, Osomatsu, I stare at your brothers just as much. I can't help that you guys are so cute gosh,,,

"O-Oh hey! Our stuff is here!" I spoke up, watching as the bartender placed our orders in front of us. The man briefly apologized as he did so, saying that they had to make a new batch of fries, which is why our order took so long.

Well at least my fries are as fresh as me.

Osomatsu somehow forgot about the whole staring thing and immediately went to guzzle down his drink. He began to choke though, coughing from drinking so fast. But he recovered fairly quick. As for myself I began to shovel hot fries into my mouth, admiring their crispness, their smooth insides, their lovable texture. Man, the only things that would make these fries even better is some delicious spicy mustard goddamn.

My fries were nearly finished when I had suddenly heard a sniffle from beside me, ceasing my chewing. I turned, slowly, fries poking out from my lips as I gazed upon an overly upset Osomatsu. At first I thought this was like, for realsies, but then I realized he was wiping fake tears.

"I'm... sorry..." Osomatsu continued to sniffle, his eyes closed softly as his hands laid still in his lap. "I'm sorry I can't be her."

"Hur?" I tried to speak with a mouthful of chewed potatoes.

"Her!" Osomatsu lifted his hand to point as my fries, a devastated look plastered on his face. "I understand. I get it now. I can't never be as beautiful as her. Not as crispy, not as starchy, not as-" Osomatsu paused, dramatically holding back fake tears. "DELICIOUS!"

"B-But babe!" I swallowed my fries, placing a hand over my chest. "I-It's not what you think!! She means nothing to me!" I frowned, taking ahold of Osomatsu's shoulders. He looked away from me as I did this, putting a hand over his mouth as if he were suppressing a cry. Fry. Ha.

"Listen to me! Oso! My sweet sticky cinnabun! She was just a one time thing!! I felt nothing when I touched her!" I choked out a fake sob, placing one of my hands against his cheek while the other stayed firmly on his shoulder. "Whenever I touch you, I feel, I feel so many things. Impure thoughts. My undying love. Your, libido, my darling." I whispered as I caressed his cheek, Osomatsu giving a light gasp in response. He gazed into my eyes, fluttering his lashes as his lips pursed into a small 'o'.

"M-My, my sweet..." He murmured through his exhale, quivering under my gentle caress.

"I know it. I know how you feel. I thought that, maybe, when I kissed you under the moonlight, you knew the same. " I closed my eyes, pressing my forehead against his. "Oso... I... I... I love your butt."

Well, for real. He had a nice butt. A classic bubble butt. Genuine. All natural. Real sugar added.

Osomatsu couldn't stop himself from laughing. He had tears pricking the corners of his eyes, his head still pressed against mine, and our noses now squished together. His warm erratic breaths mixed with my own as I laughed with him.

"My butt huh??" Osomatsu snickered, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "So you do have a crush on me! Heheh~ Can't resist my gentlemanly charm??" He cheerily sang, closing his eyes contentedly. "I really am your love interest~"

"Love interest?" I snorted, slightly pulling back from Osomatsu to give him a confused look.

"Mmhm??" Osomatsu didn't realize I had moved away from him until his puckered lips touched nothing but air. Eventually he opened his eyes, his lips still puckered as he looked up at my face expectantly.

"I'll think about it." I gave a half smile, giving his lips a poke in which he happily kissed my finger.

Goddamn it Osomatsu that was seriously too cute I'm gonna hafta ask you to stop it rIGHT THERE

"C'mon, Osoboy! How are you my love interest??" I felt my cheeks warming up, watching as Osomatsu placed his hands around his stool’s seat. He began to scoot closer to me, hopping in his seat as he advanced.

"Well, you're like, an author right? Shouldn't you know what a love interest is??" He asked, his stool clinking against mine as he finally got as close to me as possible.

"Dude, of course I know. I'm just asking why you are my love interest." I clarified, jumping once Osomatsu's cold hand crawled it's way up my bare back. He eventually let his hand rest at the center, my shirt and sweater pulled up over my stomach.

"Well, for starters, we're on a date."

"You got me there."

"And you keep looking at me all lovey dovey~"

"It's not my fault you're adorable as hell, buddy."

"AH! THERE IT IS!! You liiiiiiike me~!"

"As a friend."

"A friend with benefits at least?? You just said you loved my butt!"

"Oh yeah, lmao I sure did."

"So yeah see?? We're on a date, you're being super nice to me, AND you said you liked my butt!" Osomatsu concluded, his hand beginning rub my back gently. His cool fingers grazed over my spine, his palm softly kneading against my warm skin. With every rub his hand slowly moved downwards, trying to be discreet in its intentions.

"Being super nice, huh? Dude, I'm super nice to you and your brothers. Hell, I'm super nice to everyone! How is that even a good reason for you to be my love interest?" I smirked as Osomatsu's hand halted just above my sweatpant's hem, a nervous smile stretching across his face.

"The date and butt lovin' is just as good!!"

"I went on a date with all your brothers too. Plus, I do enjoy all of your butts."

"Oh?? So that's it?? You're cheating on me?! You're using me for my money?!"

"I'm paying for this entire date."

"Right. You're uh,,, using me for sex??" He questioned, almost hopeful.

"Osomatsu,,, have you thought,,, that maybe,,, I'm hanging out with all of you,,, because I want to be your friend,,,?? Not because I want you to be my,,, love interest,,,??"

"Whaaaaaatt??" Osomatsu pouted, kicking his feet like a little kid. "But you're letting me grope you and everything!" He whined, his roaming hand giving my ass a tight squeeze.

"What can I say, I like the attention." I shrugged. "Oh, Butt next time," I gave a mischievous smile, reaching over to give Osomatsu's ass a squeeze in return. "If you really wanna touch my ass so bad, just ask. I'm a pretty affectionate person. So I most likely won't say no, now that we're buddies and all that."

"Oooohhhohohoho!!!" Osomatsu's eyes widened excitedly upon my touch, squirming happily in his seat. "F-Fuck yeah!! Sure!! I'll uh, do that!! Heheh~" He giggled to himself, looking as if he was experiencing pure bliss. His curious hand continued it's exciting journey, moving over my ass cheek and sliding its way towards my inner thigh. I gave Osomatsu's ass a hard grope in attempts to make him #Stop Right There Son, but his hand didn’t seem to get the message.

Before I could vocally express myself to Osomatsu, his hand quickly stopped on its own, groping an object my sweatpants' front pocket. He blinked, utterly confused as he reached into my pocket and pulled out-

Oh.

I.

Are you fyuckinj,,,

I C A N T B E L I E V E T H I S.

"Duuuuuuddde." Osomatsu snickered, holding up a bottle of spicy mustard. "Was this seriously in your pocket this whole time?? Bro you came prepared for our date!"

"I... want to die?" I was taken aback. My hand fell limply from Osomatsu’s ass, my eyes widened at the sight of my spicy mustard. My sweatpants were pretty bulky, and I knew my pockets were deep as hell, but I didn't- I had no idea- I just- How did I not-??

This. This was a sign.

A message from god himself.

"Oh hey!! Since I so found your mustard this means you gotta hang out with me eeeeeven longer!!" Osomatsu gave me another one of his signature cheesy smiles, holding the mustard tauntingly in front of my face. "I said I'd give you some mustard after our date, but now that there's mustard here and the date's not over, I've shattered the space time continuum! Now your date with me is gonna hafta last forever~! With spicy mustard involved, of course~"

Hm.

Yeah.

I get it.

I see what your game is, god.

This whole time I thought all I needed was spicy mustard, it was the only thing on my mind. But ever since Osomatsu showed up, he was the only thing on my mind.

Maybe the spicy mustard I was so desperate for, was Osomatsu. Or the friends we made along the way.

"Hey?? Are you listening to me, [Name]?? I said that you should dare me to drink this whole bottle of spicy mustard!! I'll fuckin' do it!!"

You know,,, Hell yeah.

Osomatsu is totally my spicy mustard boy.

"Dude not only do I dare you, I bet ¥700 you won't finish it in the next minute!" I grinned, pulling out my smartphone to begin a timer.

"FUCK OKAY!" Osomatsu frantically pulled off the bottle's cap, placing his lips to its opening as he began to chug an unhealthy amount of mustard.

Once Osomatsu finished off the entire mustard bottle, under a minute no less, I truly began to believe that maybe he was my love interest.

Chapter Text

It was pretty late! The sky was super dark and the moon was out!! It was real bright too! Like it was saying hello to everybody! 'Look at me! I'm the moon! So bright! Hello Hello!', I bet that's what it's saying! I could tell because it was shining right at me through our balcony window. Right at me!

Me and my brothers were just doing what we usually do; hangin' around in our bedroom! If you could even call it a bedroom, haha!

Osomatsu was laying on the floor next to me, flipping through some manga pages. Sometimes he lets me read with him, but he seems too engrossed to share with me right now! That's okay though! I'll just look at the funny faces he's making while reading! As for Karamatsu, he was standing beside the balcony window, looking at the stars! I'm pretty sure he's monologuing to himself because he's trying to make a cool pose! He better be careful though! He might fall out the window! I'm sure [Name] would laugh if they saw it happen again haha! Choromatsu was by the window too, but instead of standing he was sitting on his knees and he had his hands pressed against the glass. He was totally lookin' at [Name]'s house! I bet he was just thinking about them again! Ichimatsu was the farthest away from us all, sitting in a corner with a big ol' frown on his face. He was such a sourpuss sometimes, but I don't mind! If he wants to be a grumpy goose then he totally can! I love 'em just the same! Todomatsu looked way different from Ichimatsu though! He was all smiley and blushy! He was sitting on the couch, scrolling through his smartphone like usual. He was probably looking at cute people's selfies! Otherwise I have no idea what else he could be smiling at! Maybe he's thinkin' about how cool his big brother Jyushimatsu is!!

OH!!!

Right!!!

I almost forgot about me!!! Jyushimatsu!!! Hmm, what am I doing right now???

Well for starters, I'm talking to you guys!! I know you're probably used to reading this story through [Name]'s point of view! But me and brothers should share our thoughts too, right?? It wouldn't be fair otherwise! No it wouldn't! Not at all! You might think it's strange that I'm talking to you directly... however!! We already know that we're in a gag anime, so it shouldn't be too weird that we know we're in a fanfic too! Whatever those are, haha!!

Well, continuing what I was saying! I'm talking to you guys, and I'm looking at the super pretty moon. I'm sitting criss cross applesauce next to my big bro Osomatsu! We're like, in the middle of the floor I'd say. It's hard for me to sit still, so I bounce while I sit, or kick my feet a little! It's fun to do if you got too much energy! You just let it all out in happy gestures! It really helps! My brothers think it's annoying sometimes, because I'm always moving! But they never tell me to stop or call me not so nice names! They understand that it helps me! They're so nice!

Aaaa, wait! What was I gonna talk about again??

OH!!!! OKAY!!!! RIGHT!!!!

I'm sitting next to Osomatsu! Bouncing! Looking at the moon! Also looking at my brothers! At night! In a brightly lit room! Our room! And uuhhhh,,, I was thinkin' about something,,, while I was lookin' at the moon,,, hmmmm,,, oh right!! I was thinking about how bored I was!! I should probably tell my brothers! They always think of fun stuff to do! Except Choromatsu, because he's super boring!

"Hey guys!!!" I broke the silence, causing everyone but Osomatsu to look me with these surprised faces. "I'm super bored! We should do something fun!" I suggested, hoping they all felt the same.

"Jyushimatsu, it's 10pm. Don't you think it's a little late to do something, fun?" Choromatsu had this blank look on his face as he talked, his hands still desperately pressed against the window.

I had a BIG feeling he was gonna be a buzzkill!!! I was so right!!!

"Boring Choromatsu!! Boring boring boring!! We're adults! We can do whatever we want at whatever time we want!" I made eye contact with Choromatsu as I pulled my arms and legs into my bright yellow hoodie. "It's never too late to have some fun!! Never too late!!"

"I'm not boring! I'm reasonable!!" Choromatsu turned around to face me completely, still sitting on his knees. "Your definition of fun is something that causes physical injury and a lot of noise! And given the time, waking up an entire neighborhood isn't exactly ideal fun!" He spoke with his nose turned up! As if he were an uptight rich person! Bleh! So gross Choromatsu! So boring!

"Oooh? You mean Fight Club, right??" Osomatsu spoke up from beside me, his eyes peeking over his manga. "I'm down for a quick sesh."

"We are not doing Fight Club, Osomatsu!" Choromatsu whipped his head towards Osomatsu, his annoyed frown stretching farther down his face. "My bruises from our last 'session' are still healing! Do you seriously want me to suffer from internal bleeding??"

"Bruises aren't gonna give you internal bleeding ya wuss!" Osomatsu laughed, closing his manga and tossing it to the side. He attempted to sit up seconds after, rolling around on the floor until he found a good position to elevate himself. Man, was Osomatsu lazy! Even getting up was a chore! "Didn't [Name] say bad bruises will make u bleed, but they won't make you die or something??" Osomatsu looked over to Karamatsu, waiting expectantly for an answer.

"Eh?" Karamatsu jumped real high once Osomatsu asked him the question. He had his shoulders raised defensively too! Like he was gonna be the first victim in Fight Club! "O-Oh! I wasn’t expecting to be questioned by you, eldest brother! Ah, let's see... bruising! I recall the conversation between my Venus and I very well!" Karamatsu placed one of his hands under his chin, almost like he was making a finger gun! His other hand was placed on his hip, jutted out to the side. "They said that if you break your nose, it will bleed a lot! Even a fracture will cause such unsightly damage! If the break is too great for the nose to handle, your orbicularis oculi will begin to bruise!!" Karamatsu recited, using a word he obviously looked up online! Booooo!! Nobody knows what a orbital octopus is!!

"Huh?? That's it?? They didn't say anything about internal bleeding?" Osomatsu blinked, looking super surprised! "I swear you told us something about that!"

"I'm afraid not, dear brother! I had only spun the tale of my own tragic misfortune! Which ended up becoming my greatest,,, fortune!" Karamatsu tried his best to sound poetic, though it wasn't really working out! "Heh~ Thank god my Karamatsu Angel was present at the scene~ I would've gotten a black eye for sure if their angelic aura wasn't there to cushion my fall!"

"Sadly, it was only a fracture..." Ichimatsu clicked his tongue from across the room, uncurling himself from his 'Anti-Social Ball'. "Though... the dent in it is pretty funny...~" A small smile curled onto his face as he made eye contact with Karamatsu. "Lucky Shittymatsu is now the most easily recognizable person out of the six of us~" Ichimatsu continued to tease, causing Karamatsu to quickly cover his face.

"I-It's not that bad! ...is it?!" Karamatsu whimpered, looking like he was ready to start crying. He was so insecure about his new nose!! Poor Karamatsu...

"You look fine!!" I quickly spoke up, hoping I could make Karamatsu feel better. "The dent makes you look cool, nii-san!! Like you got into a fight! And won!"

"Y-Yeah Kara! Don't worry about it! Your painful personality is so overbearing it totally distracts people from your nose!" Osomatsu attempted to comfort Karamatsu with me, like the good big brother he is! He wasn't that great at it, but he really does try! "Besides! Hear me out! Your nose looks,,,, not completely disfigured!!"

"You're kidding right? He looks like he was getting feisty with a jackhammer." Todomatsu poked fun at Karamatsu, laughing as he continued to scroll through his phone. "Oh Jack-Chan! Your pneumatic drill sparkles like the stars above! Your rapid movements shake me to my very core! Your cold, metallic touch entices me, darling~" Todomatsu used a ridiculously deep voice to mock Karamatsu, even going as far as to gesture like he did! But as soon as Todomatsu finished his act, a look of fear overcome his face. “Eugh, I just gave myself shivers… I need a stiff drink.”

"That's not nice, Todomatsu!! Karamatsu's really upset!" I threw my arms up high, sad that he was being so mean. "You too Ichimatsu!! Not nice!!"

"Maybe he shouldn't be sitting on the roof like an idiot. He got what was comin' to him." Ichimatsu rolled his eyes, unphased as Karamatsu pitifully shed a few crocodile tears. "Who the fuck sits on the roof to play guitar??"

"High school students!" I answered proudly.

"Karamatsu's not a high school student, sure acts like one though."

"[Name] sits on the roof..." Choromatsu mumbled to himself, loud enough for the rest of us to hear.

"[Name] sits on their roof??" Todomatsu spoke up, eyeing Choromatsu in disbelief.

"Oh! Uh..." Choromatsu's pupils shrunk, like, a lot! He looked pretty scared! "Yeah! Th-They do! Just recently! They've been laying on their roof for a little over a week now!"

"Ha! No way! You're such a liar, Fappy! [Name] can't possibly be on Karamatsu's level-"

"Wait wait wait wait wait!!" Osomatsu cut Todomatsu off, jumping onto his feet in the process. "H-How wouuuu- ooooh boy hold on." Osomatsu fluttered his eyelids, teetering around like an alcoholic! "I think I just gave myself whiplash."

"Whiplash. Osomatsu." Todomatsu raised an eyebrow mockingly. “You stood up.”

"Hey not everybody has the motivation, or gym membership, to get fit like you, Totty." Osomatsu rolled his eyes, emphasizing Todomatsu's nickname. “Anyways,,, Choromatsu!!" Osomatsu turned his attention to Fappy, who looked pretty caught off guard! "How do you know that?? If what you’re saying is true."

"Kn-Know what?"

"That [Name] sits on their roof!! What else could I possibly be referencing?! Context clues, Choromatsu!"

"Yeah!! Context Clues!!"

"Like you'd know what that is, Jyushimatsu!" Choromatsu sneered at me, looking super annoyed for some reason.

Was he talking about the octopus hold??

Haha~ Choromatsu~!

You know it's used for comedic purposes!

I’ve never used the octopus hold on the right person!

"Hey! Don't dodge the question!" Osomatsu walked over to Choromatsu, his knees popping as he knelt down to him. "How did you know [Name] sits on their roof??"

"O-Oh... Um... Well..." Choromatsu swallowed, shakily rubbing the back of his neck.

"Hold on!! Did you-" Osomatsu gasped, narrowing his eyebrows all angry like. "DID YOU HANG OUT WITH THEM AGAIN?? AND YOU DIDN'T TELL US??"

"NO!!" Choromatsu held out his arms defensively, beginning to sweat profusely. "Nononononononono!! I didn't!! I wISH!! But I didn't!!"

"Then howwww??" Osomatsu whined.

"I jus- I! I saw-! Euhhh..." Choromatsu stammered, turning away from Osomatsu to point at something beyond the window. "Over there, see?!" The five of us quickly gathered around Choromatsu, curious to see what he was gesturing to.

You'll never guess what it was!!

Go ahead, guess!!

I'll give you a hint!!

It's a person!!

The most nicest, most prettiest person in the whole world!!

------

It… It was them~

Across the street, under the glow of the pale moonlight, was [Name]~ They were lying upon their tiled roof, sprawled out elegantly. The white light that shone down on them resembled a spotlight which illuminated both their body and the entirety of their roof. [Name] continuously rubbed their legs together, most likely trying to generate some heat. It was pretty chilly outside, seeing as autumn was coming to a close. But, if they were that cold, they could always just, put some pants on. It wasn’t weather appropriate to wear shorts right now,,, though,,, they had such nice legs aaaaaaa,,,~

"Oh my god they're on the roof,,,"

"Haha, Todomatsu! You really didn't believe Nii-san, huh??"

"Hush, Jyushimatsu, of course I didn't believe him. I didn't think [Name] would pull a Karamatsu like that."

"Pull an Osomatsu, Totty!"

"I know how the saying works!!"

"Heh. Little Jyushi, listen here." Karamatsu spoke up, turning to Jyushimatsu with those god awful bishe eyes. "[Name] is not a pulling an Osomatsu; they're doing something moi would do! However, our dear brother seems to have said such in a strange way! Thus making it sound like he was mixing up the infamous phrase!"

"Oooooohhhhhhh!"

"Oh! Hold up! I have another question!" Osomatsu roughly elbowed me in the stomach, a shit eating grin stretching across his face. "Uh,,, actually two questions!"

"Just ask!! Literally just ask!! Why are you elbowing me?!" I wheezed as I wrapped my arms around my torso.

"It's fun to get a reaction out of ya~ Don't be such a marshmallow~" Osomatsu snorted, like the disgusting pig he was. "Alright, so, my first question! Answer honestly!"

"Get to the point!"

"You're sure you haven't hung out with [Name] recently? You've only only spent time with them at that idol thing, plus the time they came over for dinner?"

"Yeah, and?" I pulled my head back, confused as to where he was getting at.

"Oh okay! So! Question two!" Osomatsu leaned towards me, causing me to lean back just as far as he came in. "Since there's no way you would've known that they 'just recently' decided to start sitting on their roof,,, that must mean you've been stalking them! Right?"

I...

N-....

N O!!

Oh my god why would he even suggest that?! I look like a total creep right now!! Oh god,,, they're all staring at me!! They're looking at me like I'm some kind of pervert!! You asshole, Osomatsu!! You fucking asshole!! I'm not a fucking pervert!! God oh no it's so quiet in here,,,,, whY IS HE SMILING?!! YOU'RE SMILING RIGHT NOW?! YOU DICK!! YOU ABSOLUTE DICK!!

Gosh,,, I can already feel my armpits pooling up,,, god I'm so sweaty,,, so so sweaty this is so disgusting,,,

"NO!! I'M NOT STALKING THEM!!"

"Whoa, chill Choro! No one said you were! I was just asking if you were!" Osomatsu hummed, rubbing his nose playfully. Condescendingly, if you ask me.

"You suggested it!! You suggested it, you prick!" I snarled, clenching my fists on my knees. "And you!!" I looked over my brothers, still judging me with their beady eyes. "Stop staring at me like that!! I'm not a stalker!!"

"Okay okay, cool. If you’re not a stalker, then how do you know?" Osomatsu folded his arms as he leaned up against the window. "Lucky guess?"

"No, I didn't guess..." I murmured, taking rhythmic breaths to try and calm myself down.

"Nii-san, just tell us how you know. Seriously. Not that hard." Todomatsu said as he crawled next to Osomatsu.

God,,, even Todomatsu is going to interrogate me??

"Fine fine, Okay..." I sighed, looking back out the window. "So embarrassing..." I unclenched my fists but kept them limp at my knees. I took a deep breath before continuing, trying to ignore the intense stares directed my way.

From there I told my brothers the story. Not really an interesting one, but they certainly thought it was,,,

Ever since [Name] visited our home, I've been thinking about them non-stop. I mean,,, I've obviously thought about them before! They're my favorite author so,,, I really, really, admire them. They’re so creative and profound a-and so cool! I still can't believe I was able to meet [Name],,, in real life. They talked to me! They signed my book! And they,,, they pet my head! Aaaaa,,,~

I even had the chance to spend time with [Name] without my brothers around! They were so so nice to me! They helped me get into a Nyaa-Chan concert, they held my hand, and th-they let me sit on their shoulders…! G-Gosh,,, I can already feel my cheeks heating up,,,

We… We even went out to dinner together.

It was a date.

A real date.

Could you blame me for looking longingly at their house every night??? It's my dream to spend time with [Name] again… I really enjoyed their company! They didn't make fun of me, or look at me weird! They just... talked to me... like a normal person.

Aaaaa look at me,,, rambling on and on,,, I should just get to the point.

So, like I said, I think about [Name] all the time! So, I sometimes look at their house and imagine what they could be doing. Maybe they're writing, or doing homework, or making a meal! Anything! And well, one night, I saw [Name] climb onto their roof and just, lay there. That’s… that’s really it…!

"So that's why I know okay?!" I whimpered, looking back at my brothers only to find them staring at me like I was some sort of freak.

"Ha! Chorofappyski is a pervert stalker!" Todomatsu cackled, causing the rest of them to follow in a fit of giggles.

"Pervert~!! Nii-san's a pervert~!!" Jyushimatsu gave a hearty laugh, flailing the sleeves of his hoodie.

"I'm not a pervert!! Or a stalker!!" I frowned, embarrassed as I gripped the fabric of my pants.

"Hey hey! Guys c'mon! If he says he's not a stalker, he's not a stalker!" Osomatsu grinned, once again rubbing his nose with his index finger.

"Or a pervert!"

"Yep! Or a pervert, Choromatsu!" Osomatsu corrected himself. "The only thing you are is gay."

"Gay?!" I screeched, choking on my saliva. "How did you possibly go from pervert stalker to gay?!"

"'I admire them a lot!', 'They're so cool!', 'They pet my head~!,' 'Sometimes I look at their house and imagine what they could be doing!'" Osomatsu spoke with an obnoxious nasally voice, clearly trying to mock me... asshole. "You're the textbook definition of a prepubescent boy with a crush~"

"I do not have a crush on them!"

"Then why are you so gay?"

"Shut up Ichimatsu! Me being gay has nothing to do with this!!"

"So you admit that you're gay for [Name]!" Osomatsu proudly stated.

"Where did I say that?! Where?!"

"Little brother, it's perfectly okay to be gay. Being gay is a beautiful thing!" Karamatsu began, using his hands to gesture wildly as if he were acting in a play. "Such love isn't any lesser than others'! Your identity will never be looked down upon in this household! I promise, dear Choromatsu," Karamatsu placed his hands on my shoulders, sparkling like a tool. "You’ll always have your big brother Karamatsu’s support!"

"Okay that was... actually super nice, but, I'm nOT GAY!" I yelled, slapping away Karamatsu's hands. "[Name] doesn't even have a gender! How can I possibly be gay for them!"

"Huh? Really? I always thought [Name] was more masculine if anything." Osomatsu hummed, thinking out loud.

“Masculine?” Ichimatsu raised a brow.

“Yeah! Oh,,, you know what. That’s actually super stereotypical of me. I guess feminine people can be pretty tall and broad shouldered too.”

“They’re… b-broad shouldered?” Ichimatsu blinked, his pale cheeks flushing a light pink.

“Hella.” Osomatsu smiled like a lovestruck idiot, hugging his torso as if he were trying to contain himself. “Boy howdy do I wanna be cradled in those burly arms~”

"Don’t get off topic… hypocrites…” I grumbled, trying to resist the urge of fawning over [Name]’s beautiful arms. “Listen, they talked about their ‘presentation’ on their blog. It was something along the lines of, 'Gender is for pussies who can't conform to the void'."

"So you can't be gay or straight for them..." Osomatsu untangled himself from his arms, continuing to ponder. "What could you even consider that??"

"Bisexual?" Ichimatsu suggested as he scratched his ass, causing Todomatsu to light up.

"Chorofappybi!" He gasped, glancing at the rest of our brothers for confirmation.

"Chorofappybi~!"

"Heh, Chorofappybi!"

"Chorofappybi!!!"

"Chorofappybi…~”

"I hate all of you, god I hate all of you so much." I gritted my teeth as I buried my face into my hands. Honestly, it doesn’t matter if I'm bisexual or gay or whatever...

"Oh!!! Idea idea idea!!" Jyushimatsu quickly jumped to his feet, hovering above us like some kind of friendly beast. "Since we’re talking about them, and I’m super bored, let’s go ask [Name] if they wanna hang out!"

“That’s a good idea, Jyushimatsu!” Todomatsu stood, clasping his hands together. “I haven’t talked to them in a while~ And I gotta make sure they still have my number!” He pouted. “They only called me once! And it was just to make a lewd American joke!”

“An excellent suggestion, brothers!” Karamatsu joined the other two, posing dramatically as he did so. “It'd truly be a blessing to bask in [Name]’s presence once again! How I have longed to show them my poetic improvemen-!”

“Where would we be hanging out with [Name], Jyushimatu…?” Ichimatsu casually interrupted Karamatsu, still planted on his ass.

“Hmmmmm! Good question!” He hummed, swaying from side to side. “I have no idea!”

“Ah…” Ichimatsu exhaled as he stood. “Well, it would make sense… to think of something…”

“We could always go bother Chibita~!” Todomatsu sang. “After impersonating Karamatsu, I need to drown my mistakes in alcohol~!”

“I like the way you think, Totty!” Osomatsu stood with the rest, myself joining them soon after. “I could really go for a beer! Plus! If Chibita likes [Name], which he totally will cuz [Name] is fuckin’ bomb, he’ll probs give us free drinks or somethin’!”

“Oh you’re right! Chibita’s a sucker for decent people who pay for services!” Todomatsu agreed.

“Are you seriously suggesting that we take advantage of [Name] and Chibita for free drinks?!” I paled.

“Non non, Choromatsu~!” Karamatsu wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close as he began to explain something to me. “We aren’t going to be taking advantage of anybody! Doing such a thing is evil! Unheard of! This is simply a life changing outing among friends! As most love stories have!” He stated, escorting me out of our room as the others followed. “You have the underdeveloped side characters, which is the six of you, Chibita included! And then there’s me! The protagonist! I, the lonely heart throb, falling in love with the angelic love interest that has happily joined us in our outing! [Name]! A beautiful deity with a tragic past! A past that I, Karamatsu, shall surface so that I may console them! Comfort them! Love them with my entire being-!”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill myself before we even walk out the door.” Ichimatsu hissed from behind us as we walked down our staircase.

“Hush dear brother~ I understand you’re upset! I bet every one of you wishes they could’ve been the light of [Name]’s life!” Karamatsu exclaimed. “But I’m afraid I have, or rather, I am something that can truly capture our Angel’s heart!”

“Should I ask…?” I mumbled under my breath as Karamatsu released his grip on me, opening our front door gracefully.

“That you should, Chorofappybi!” He spoke affectionately (ew), turning on his heel to face us. “You see, I am the one and only Window Man!”

------

From there the story began~

I, Karamatsu, joined by my dear brothers, strolled forward to the residence belonging to the most exquisite being. It was as if we were mere servants of the gods! Venturing forth to Venus' temple to be graced by their wise words and heavenly aura! Such filth we were, casually approaching such a high existence. We were no more than mere worms beneath their feet! Perhaps if we grovel hard enough we can then be forgiven by our Venus.

Ah~ Truly tonight was a night comparable to my Angel! How bright the stars and moon! How they glisten like [Name]'s teeth! Their curious eyes as open as the dark sky's abyss!! And their egg shell soft skin~ Such is as smooth as the strips of clouds soaring acro-

"EuuaAAAAAAHHH!!" I shrieked as I tripped over an indent in the street, proceeding to fall onto my beautiful face! I could hear my brothers continue forward however, unphased by the loud thud beside them. Heh. I bet if we weren't perusing such a gorgeous beast they would've rushed to my side for sure~

I think.

I swiftly pulled myself off the ground, taking out my small mirror from my hoodie's pocket to see if I was damaged in any way. Luckily my face shall live another day~

"Uh, hello? Screaming moon?? What's up buddy?" I suddenly heard a voice as smooth as silk, echoing throughout the neighborhood. I looked up from my mirror, watching as my brothers whispered nervously amongst themselves from across the street. Above them sat a Grand Angel, their head curiously perked up towards the sky. Much like a princess, or even prince, this beauty had awoken from their eternal slumber, or rather their thoughts. Pondering away for hours upon their rooftop, they had finally gained consciousness, thanks to the screaming moon~

With a handsome smirk across my face I walked over to my brothers, oblivious to my presence even when I had joined them. I attempted to get a word in of any kind. A question, a statement, a sound of sorts! Yet their words overshadowed mine, mixing together discordantly beneath the Angel's roof.

"Shit! They heard Karamatsu scream! If they look down they're gonna think we're stalkin' them or somethin'! We walked in too quick!" My dear eldest brother Osomatsu whined.

"We should've paced ourselves! At least if they saw us in the middle of the street it'd be clear we just came outside!" Todomatsu hissed in response to Osomatsu, using his hands to cover his mouth like some sort of silencer.

"We're right in front of their door... we look like creeps..."

"Ichimatsu, think positive! We could tell [Name] that we just got outside, right?" Jyushimatsu yelled within a whisper, clearly the loudest out of the five. What energy my sweet brother has!

"Oh sure! Cuz the six of us gathered around their door like chickens entering a coop is a clear indicator of us 'just getting here!'"

"Well c'mon then, let's back it up a little! Try not to make it look so creepy! Give our Daddy Rooster some space~" Osomatsu spoke after Choromatsu, giving an awkward smile.

"Never say Daddy Rooster to me ever again." Choromatsu repulsed, his face contorted with disgust.

"Daddy's Cock."

"I want to kill myself, Osomatsu."

"Join the club." Ichimatsu casually added as he joined the others in 'Operation Back Off Daddy Rooster's Coop'. The five slowly, carefully, walked backwards into the street, pretending as if they had never approached [Name]'s home... however!

As opposed to my brothers, I feel no shame for the sake of love!

"My Angel~!" I yelled towards the roof, getting down on one knee as I extended my arms outward. "I have come to be swept off my feet by your powerful wings! Carry me into the heavens, my darling~!" As soon as I had spoken my call to love, I could hear my brothers furiously whisper out to me! Their words directed to me sounded much like hushed screams of pain! How horrible! Whatever could be hurting them so?

Get back here you lovesick piece of shit?

Shut the fuck up, you idiot?

What are you doing, Shittymatsu?

Hmmm. How strange. It sounds as if they're mad at me… are they infuriated by my words of love?

"Screaming moon, I'm sorry but, as much as I'd love to uh, carry you into the heavens, I don't exactly have a VIP membership there. Plus, I can't fly." I heard that silky voice once more, questioning to the stars above.

"Oh dear [Name], it is not the moon declaring is admiration for you! It's me- your Karamatsu!" I called out to them, raising my voice so they could hear me clearly.

"Holy shit..." I heard [Name] curse, pausing for a few seconds before continuing. "Are you like, dead??? For realsies???"

"No my darling, I'm down here! Beneath your rooftop!" I gave a short laugh. "I cannot die with you beside me, remember?"

"You're gonna die with me beside you, Shittymatsu." Ichimatsu clicked his tongue from behind me, his voice as sinister as ever.

Before any of my other brothers could threaten death upon me, we had all physically paused, staring up the the roof that began to make noise. It sounded like something was dragging across the tiles, making a soft, yet audible scratching sound. Eventually a body followed the sound, revealing itself to us from the edge of the rooftop.

Peeking over the edge was a kind face, lit up with curiosity and... joy. Their eyes glistened despite the darkness below them, and their widespread smile was pursed in such a way that gave them this child-like innocence. Their soft presence was outlined by the bright moonlight above, lacing their body with this heavenly glow. Even the moon itself contributed to [Name]'s angelic appearance, positioned behind their head like a halo.

It was hard to breathe.

Incredibly hard to breathe.

I was hot, sweating in pools like Choromatsu does. I felt as if the air was weighing me down, like gravity was a lot heavier than usual. I tried to say something, anything to capture [Name]'s heart, but all that came out was a raspy breath.

Why do I feel so sick? Do I have a fever???

"Hello boys~" [Name] hummed, shifting on their rooftop to let their legs hang off the edge. "What brings you to my humble abode~?" They asked, waiting patiently for an answer. The six of us were silent for an uncomfortably long time. Of course, I would've had no problem responding if it weren't for this sudden fever! Though why the others weren't talking was pretty strange. I turned my head to look back at them, surprised to see them all equally red faced.

Gaping mouths, widened eyes, flushed skin- were they perhaps, mesmerized by [Name]?

Heh. Well, of course they were! Who wasn't enraptured by [Name]'s beauty??

"O-Oh! Um! Hey [Name]~!" Todomatsu finally spoke up, already reverting back to his classic cutesy exterior. "How've you been~?" He asked as he walked towards [Name]'s house, stopping beside me.

"F-Fine I guess! How 'bout you, Totty?" They replied with a slight stutter, looking a bit surprised. I wasn't exactly sure why though… Did Todomatsu make them nervous?

"So glad you asked! I've been doing pretty great!" Todomatsu began in a cheery tone, jutting his hip out to the side. "I recently got a pair of white skinny jeans that make my legs look absolutely bomb~! And I got a raise last Tuesday~! So we should totally go out sometime this week-!"

"[Name]! Hey!" Osomatsu slapped his hand over Todomatsu's mouth, wearing a cheeky grin as he joined his side. "Good to see you again, babe~!" He cooed as Todomatsu angrily tried to pry Osomatsu's hand off his face.

"You too, my spicy mustard boy~ " They lightly giggled. After Osomatsu had said his hello, it seemed like the others decided to trickle in behind him, wanting to greet [Name].

"Hello [Name]!!! Hi hi hi!!! It's me, Jyushimatsu!! You remember me right??" Jyushimatsu bounced, waving his arms at [Name].

"Of course I remember you, silly! How could I forget my one and only baseball partner?" They said, causing Jyushimatsu's eyes to sparkle with joy. What an adorable sight, to see my young brother so happy~!

"H-Hi there, [N-Name]!" Choromatsu hesitantly spoke up, a shy smile and pink cheeks obvious on his face.

"Hey hey Frog Boy~ You and Window Man get a deal with Marvel yet?" They asked, amused by their own words. Choromatsu was taken aback by their response, letting out a plethora of sputters and shaky breaths. Oh my poor brother! His fragile heart seized by his favorite author whom he was undeniably gay for~! Ah, well, bi for!

At this point, everyone had said their hellos! Opposed to Ichimatsu and I. Myself on one hand, had mysteriously contracted a fever! Thus it was hard for me to talk in such a state! Though Ichimatsu on the other hand, was the shy type~!

Sweat dotting his forehead, wringing his hands, glancing down at his feet- how cute he was! Like a shy little kid!

Heh~ Well, like the good big brother I am, I will aid my dear Ichimatsu despite my weakened condition!!

"M-My Angel," I began coarsely, throwing an arm around my bashful brother's shoulders. "Ichimatsu and I say hello to you as well! How lovely you are this evening, he says! Truly a beauty to behol-gaaaAAAHH" I choked, feeling an iron grip wrap around the collar of my hoodie. I looked over to see Ichimatsu, once so sweet and warmly flushed now contorted with anger and disgust.

"Don't. touch me.” Ichimatsu hissed through his teeth. “Don’t fucking touch-”

"Aw,” Our Angel began to giggle. “Thank you, Ichibaby. That's so sweet...~" They smiled down at Ichimatsu, cupping a hand over their cheek. Ichimatsu's irate expression softened once he looked up at [Name], reverting back to his bashful state.

"Y-Yeah..." He breathed, releasing me from his death hold as he continued to peer up at [Name].

"Oh, and Karamatsu! What's up? How's that invincible honker?" [Name] turned to me with that same smile, greeting me happily. I couldn't help but smile back, glad that they hadn't forgotten about me...

"Heh. Well-" I started, but was quickly ignored by my brothers as they moved on to the next subject.

"You wanna go get some drinks with us, [Name]?" Todomatsu spoke over me.

"Drinks?" They blinked.

"Yeah! See, we were gonna go out for a bit and get a few pints, but then I suggested that we should ask you to come with~! You know~ So we could spend some more time with you~!" Todomatsu briefly explained, causing Jyushimatsu to pout in response to his lie. "How ‘bout it??"

"Hmmmm… " [Name] pondered for a bit before giving a casual shrug. "Sure, why not?" They replied, causing the six of us to silently cheer to ourselves.

"Nice!!" Todomatsu lit up like a christmas tree, giving [Name] two thumbs up. "Let's go then~!!"

------

I hated this!! God I hated this so much!! So much.

If I wasn't such a sweet peach you better believe my brothers would be catchin' these hands.

I asked [Name] to join us, as we discussed before. You know? The whole 'going out for drinks and getting them for free because Chibita is a sucker for nice people like [Name]' thing? Yeah that. Well, after I had asked [Name], which they agreed to join, they began to casually slip off their roof! Like some heathen who has tea with death every Sunday! Obviously, I fuckin' panicked!! Who the fuck willingly tries to jump off their roof like that?! That's literally so stupid!! So stupid!! So while [Name] was hanging by their fingers and my brothers frantically pacing around like idiots, I decided to step in as the only sensible person here. Seriously...

So, calmly, I reached out my arms and told [Name] that they could jump down, because I'd be there to catch them. After all, it was my duty as a cute prince to assist my equally cute damoiseau~ [Name], intelligently, acknowledged my help and dropped down without hesitation.

However, as soon as they dropped I... sort of remembered how big they were compared to me... like... there was no way I was going to hold them, especially when they're coming down so fast.

I figured that maybe my... uh... delicate body structure could’ve held them if I tried hard enough?? I mean?? One time I threw Ichimatsu across Sutabaa using sheer anger alone so I thought I might've been able to do it!

Haha~ … I was wrong~!

Once [Name]'s body hit my arms I went down with 'em.

I closed my eyes and waited for the cold embrace of concrete, but as seconds went by I realized that maybe I didn't hit the concrete. Maybe I was able to hold up [Name]! And boy were they surprisingly light! I didn't think that such a muscle packed person could weigh like a dove feather~! I literally felt nothing at all! Hehe~ I was so proud of myself! Going to the gym regularly must've really paid off~

I had then opened my eyes triumphantly, looking down at my arms, but as it turned out, I was looking up.

I hated this I hated this I hated this so much.

They stood over me, smiling, cradling me gently in a French dip.

How was that even possible?! How?! They fell on m e. Me!! Who can 180 themselves like that?! That's literally impossible!! I m p o s s i b l e!!

I wouldn't've minded being cradled by [Name] if it weren't for the fact that my brothers were laughing at me and like, you know~ if I weren't so fucking confused as to how [Name] could've possibly switched places with me.

That's not even human!! They're not human!!

Politely, I had slipped out of [Name]'s arms and brushed off my fluster to enact my next move. With a cutesy smile, I proceeded to compliment [Name]'s strong, yet gentle embrace as I intertwined my hand with theirs~ [Name] seemed flattered to receive such a compliment- hand holding included~ However my brothers reacted differently. I could feel their jealous eyes trying to bore through me, as if they were trying to tear me apart from afar. Unfortunately for my older brothers, they couldn’t lay a finger on me with [Name] by my side~! Why, that’d be so embarrassing, and so so cruel to hurt their younger brother! Especially in front of such a pretty person! Tsk tsk~

You guys don't get to laugh at me without some consequences~! Looks like I'll be the one hogging [Name]'s attention~! Not you, sorry~!

So, real time! Currently, as I mentioned, I was holding [Name]'s hand, though now we were walking across a concrete sidewalk into the outskirts of the city. My brothers walked behind us, whispering insults to me to try and push my buttons, which they were, but I tried my best to ignore them...

"Aww poor Totty~ Tryna catch [Name] even though he’s just a dollop of whipped cream with noodle arms!" Osomatsu harshly whispered, his spit hitting the back of my neck. Ew. First of all, we all have the same body type. You played yourself. Second of all, keep your saliva in your mouth where it belongs? I don’t want it thanks.

"He thinks he’s such hot shit, huh? He didn't even catch [Name]! They just flipped over and 180'd him! I bet [Name] wasn’t expecting to get caught in the first place!"

"Maybe [Name] wanted to dom Totty because he's a such a bottom hehe!" Jyushimatsu spoke after Choromatsu, a small giggle escaping him.

"It's so weird hearing you say stuff like that." Ichimatsu cringed.

"Why??"

"Because you say it so casually, and it doesn't help that you have such a child like personality. That stuff is like... adult and private..."

"Ohh?? Lemmie make my voice sound different then! And talk all, serious like, hehe~" Jyushimatsu laughed. "Totty is a huge bottom." He spoke deeply, way too deeply. Yikes I'm getting shivers, that was severely uncomfortable. I felt like he was gonna mug me or something Jesus fucking Christ. I could even feel the horrified stares coming from the rest of my brothers.

"...Anyways..." I could hear Osomatsu swallow as he continued to tease me. "So weird how Todomatsu's grand plan to swoon [Name] backfired."

"Yeah. Pretty weird. It's almost like [Name] is 10x stronger than us and could've easily done without the extra help." Choromatsu sarcastically spoke, trying to sound as serious as possible.

"Totty put himself in a situation where he was gonna get crushed. [Name] saved his dumb ass." Ichimatsu added, a short, light laugh lacing his last few words.

"Wait did [Name]... agree to Todomatsu's offer because they would've felt bad if they said no??" Choromatsu gasped, the sound of his steps slowing a bit.

"No way!! Oh my god!! [Name] didn't want to hurt his feelings?! What is this, preschool?! [Name] is way too sweet to poor wittle Tooottttyyy~" Osomatsu cackled, no longer talking within a whisper.

"I suppose our Angel remembered mid fall how fragile Todomatsu's body was! There's no conceivable way for him to catch them with such puny arms! Thus they decided to catch him in return once they impacted~" Karamatsu concluded to himself, though out loud. Honestly, Karamatsu, shut up. I don’t need to hear a play by play.

"How the fuck did they do it though?? I still don’t know! It happened so fast, it’s all a blur!” Osomatsu excitedly exclaimed. “Do they have secret agent type skills?! Super powers?! Is [Name] a god?!" He continued, causing [Name] to let out a small snicker. It was clear they weren't trying to make it obvious, luckily it was successful. Everyone was oblivious to it but me of course. I'm not a sack of dry dirt like the others were.

"Hey Tottom!!" Jyushimatsu giggled as he tapped my shoulder, a little too roughly in my opinion. I turned my head to get a glimpse of him, putting on a menacing smile.

"Yes~? I asked, hoping the sheer venom in my voice alone could kill all of them.

"How do you think [Name] caught you when they were the one falling??" Jyushimatsu asked, probably genuine with his question, though I was too overwhelmed with thoughts of mass homicide to respond kindly.

I don't know, Nii-san~ Why don't you ask [Name] yourself~?" I replied, turning back around to watch where I was walking. Seriously, [Name] was right there, Jyushimatsu.

"Oh right! [Name]!!" Jyushimatsu bounced over to [Name]'s opposite side. "How did you catch Todomatsu when you were falling???" He questioned, my other brothers quiet as they waited for [Name]'s response.

"Hmmm." [Name] happily hummed. "Beats me~! I don’t really remember~" They shrugged, glancing over to me with mischievous eyes. "How do you think caught you, Tottom~?"

I paled.

No.

No.

N o.

Don't you dare satisfy them like that!! [Name]!! You asshole!! I hate this I hate this I hate this!!

Y'all think this is soooooo funny huh?! Huh?! Tottom?! Is that who I am now?! Just because [Name] caught me instead?! That was totally unavoidable, you dicks!! [Name] is a fucking powerhouse of course they caught me instead!!

Was I surprised? Yeah bitch, the fuck.

Was it possible? Apparently. It's [Name].

Was this incessant teasing necessary? No.

Oh hahaha!! Todomatsu is a cocky bitch who thinks he's gonna be [Name]'s prince and catch their fall!! What a card!! Crazy how someone so much stronger and taller than he is caught him instead!! Fucking wild!! What a joke!! Looks like [Name] is the cute prince and Totty is the equally cute damoiseau!! Sorry oops!! Guess it's Tottom now!! Tottom the Bottom!!

"Hey uh..." [Name] spoke up, their soft voice snapping me back to reality. "You okay?"

I turned my head to see [Name], looking over my face with worried eyes and small frown. They seemed concerned, gripping my hand tightly, though their grip still attempted to remain gentle. I quickly put a hand to my face to feel my skin, and ew oh boy I was so wrinkly. How mad was I that I fucking looked like a dried up cranberry?!

"Oh! I'm fine." I brushed them off, trying to smooth out my adorable face with my finger tips.

"You sure?" They gently persisted, leaning in closer.

"Y-Yeah..." I sputtered, feeling the warmth of their breath against my cold cheeks. It was strangely comforting- their lips hovering over my cheek, and their slowed breath rhythmically heaving across my skin. Man, they were... pretty close... haha...

No no no no no no they can't see me act like a fool again!! No way!! I'm revving up my flirty persona!

"Well... no... sorry, I lied to you... I'm not fine..." I murmured softly, snuggling my cheek into their shoulder. "I'm sad that you'd make fun of me like that [Name]. I thought you liked me... I thought I was your friend..." I pouted pitifully, utilizing both my hands to clasp over their one.

"What?! Oh my god I'm so sorry Totty!! I was only trying to be endearing and tease you a little! I didn't know I ended up hurting you... gosh I'm so so sorry!!" They rambled, pulling me further into their strong arms. "You know I wouldn't purposefully hurt you right?? I'd never hurt you!! I'm sorry!!" They continued to apologize, nuzzling their flushed face into my hair as we walked. I peered over [Name]'s shoulder to get a good look at my brothers, ecstatic to see them so obviously jealous again~

See, y'all are all talk and no walk~ Making fun of me? Glaring at me? Tryna get [Name] to talk shit with you? Oh please. A few bruises to my ego here and there but let's be real~ None of you shitty virgins have the courage to be as affectionate with [Name] as I am~!

Oh and Osomatsu sure isn't a counter to this claim~ He's forward, but [Name]'s the one who's all over me~ Osomatsu doesn't get that same treatment does he? Seriously, what losers! You got the gall to tease me, but no balls when it comes to competing against me?? Ha!! Bye!! Stay your lane next time~!!

[Name] and I, accompanied by the lifeless zombies behind us, continued to walk arm in arm as I spotted Chibita's oden cart a little a ways ahead. His cart was one of few things in the city’s outskirts that provided such a vivid light. Seeing as it was dark out, despite the bright moon, any source of light glowed vibrantly among these vacant streets. Even Chibita’s cart, which was typically dimly lit, appeared as bright as a spotlight. Still nuzzled into [Name]'s body, as they were with me, I spoke to them.

"Oh! Over there, see~? That's where we'll be drinking~!" I pointed outwards, looking up at [Name]'s face with a smile.

“Aw, cool! It's a cute little cart~ That's adorable!! You go drinking there often?" They grinned, marveling at the sight of Chibita's cart, for some reason. It's not... that interesting but okay.

"Yeah, all the time~! A close friend of ours owns it so we get a friendship discount~!" I giggled, hearing Ichimatsu groan from behind me.

"Friendship discount? If anything he hates our guts." He stated.

"Whaaaatt?? Chibita doesn't hate our guts!" Osomatsu retorted. "He loves us!"

"As much as he loves us not paying for our drinks..." Choromatsu mumbled under his breath.

"You guys don't pay for your drinks??" [Name] snorted. "You actually do a eat and run?? Or well, a drink and run??"

"What!! No!! Choromatsu was kidding, right?? We'd be horrible people if we did that!" Osomatsu hissed, the noise of a fist hitting skin following after.

"AAAYYEs! Yes! Kidding!" Choromatsu screeched.

"Pfft, well, if you guys don't have cash I don't mind paying. If you order responsibly, of course." [Name] offered casually, patting their back pocket.

"Seriously...??" Ichimatsu nervously choked, stumbling over his feet. "Don’t… don’t do that. That’s a death sentence to your wallet. "

"C'mon Ichibaby~" They cooed, emphasizing each syllable of the nickname. "I wanna treat my good boys~!"

"...G-Good boys?" Ichimatsu repeated, his whisper loud enough for us to hear. "You… think I’m a good boy…?"

------

A good boy? Seriously? What kind of compliment was that? Why does [Name] give us these weird nicknames anyways? That's something you'd say to a dog, not a person. Though, despite how strange it was, being called a 'good boy' was... nice. At least, it felt nice? I don't really know. It hurts, but it feels nice? My stomach is churning, yet my conscience is telling me to feel happy. Who'd possibly feel happy to be treated like a dog?

.....

.....I guess I am??

God this is so stupid. Stop overthinking it, Ichimatsu. [Name] called everyone a good boy, you're nothing special. Me? A good boy? Ha... [Name] really is an eccentric character...

"Of course you're a good boy, Ichibaby!" [Name] spoke, looking back at me with a wide grin. "You saved me! I'd say that's pretty good!"

"...S-Saved you?" I questioned, seriously confused.

"Yeah! You don't remember, silly?" They raised a brow, cocking their head to get a better look at me.

"I... don't." I admitted, choking on my own words. I felt bad... not remembering I mean. Did I do something significant for them?

"Why, I'm hurt, Ichimatsu!" They jutted out their jaw, dramatically turning their head back to Chibita's cart. "I thought we shared a special moment together! You saved me from public humiliation!" They continued. "I danced passionately, you threw fish at my head, I compared you to an erect penis- does this not ring a bell??"

"O-Oh!" I stammered in surprise, a little too loudly. I felt my body tense up at the memory- I didn't realize that's what they meant by me saving them. It wasn't a big gesture... I just... led them away from the store? Sure the situation sucked ass, but... anyone could've done that for you, [Name], I didn't do anything special. "Yeah, I remember now... sorry." I tried to relax my arms as a frown pulled down my face.

"Right on, my good boy~" [Name] responded. "I can't have my knight in shining sandals forget about our fated venture~" They gave me a thumbs up, though they didn't actually look at me. My brothers however, wouldn't stop looking at me.

It was, overwhelming, to put simply. Especially overwhelming from Todomatsu, since he stared back at me with the most aggressive smile possible. I felt like I was gonna be crushed to death by their stares, fucking hell. This was way too intense for me. Can they all just, stop looking at me like that? Can't they tell that I'm actually gonna blow chunks if they keep this up? I seriously feel so sick... god please stop... stop looking at me...

"Chibita!!" Osomatsu excitedly shouted, turning his attention from me to the oden cart right in front of us. Fortunately, the rest of my brothers noticed how close we were to the cart and ignored what had happened previously. They were only focused on the prospect of free drinks now, not my 'knightly status'. Thank god.

"Hm?" A familiar voice hummed, the owner peeking out from behind the cart. Upon the sight of my brothers and I, the owner began to groan painfully, patting down his green apron. "Eugh, You guys?"

"Sure is Chibita! Us guys! Us dudes! Us pals!" Osomatsu rubbed his nose as he strolled up to the red accented cart. It was just as it always was- orange paper lanterns, dinged up edges, black awning, a backless oak bench, and a soft yellow glow from the inside of the cart. Simply, it's a street cart filled with oden that's run by a small bald man.

"Yeah yeah." Chibita rolled his eyes, crossing his arms with a sigh. "I'm gonna make a wild guess and assume you're here for food and drinks."

"No, of course not! We're here for you, Chibita!" Todomatsu cooed, still hanging off of [Name]'s arm. "We haven't seen you in weeks, how've you been?" He asked, surprising everyone but [Name].

...What the fuck was he doing...?

What kinda overly friendly bullshit was this??

Just tell the truth, Totty. We're not here to socialize, we're here to get drunk and unreasonably angry at each other.

"You can't be serious... " Chibita blinked, studying Todomatsu in disbelief.

"But I am~! We're super serious~" Todomatsu gave an 'cutesy' pout. Ew.

"Uh... well..." Chibita flushed, coughing as tried to find the right words. "I-I've been doing okay I guess, I'm just tired-"

"Cool. Great. Fantastic. We'd like a round of beer." The devil himself quickly dismissed Chibita as he led [Name] to the oak bench.

Ah...

I'm pickin' up what you're puttin' down, Todomatsu... as [Name] would say. You distracted him with kindness so he wouldn't shoo us. Interesting approach...

Though, I think you were a bit impatient...

"HEY!! Don't take another step!!" Chibita caught on to Todomatsu, holding out his arms as he sneered at us. "As much as I'd love to watch you guys get disgustingly drunk and complain about your simple lives, I'm not exactly in the mood to deal with your bill ditching tonight, idjits!"

"Oh Chibita~ Bill ditching??" Shittymatsu ran a hand through his hair, chuckling like he was gargling broken glass. Eugh, his laugh was seriously obnoxious. "What on earth are you talking about??" He attempted to play coy, despite being horrible at it.

"Yeah! What he said!" Osomatsu threw an arm around Shittymatsu, narrowing his eyebrows. "Ditching the bill?? We're not gonna ditch the bill! What kinda assholes do you take us for??" He scoffed, pretending to be offended as he put a hand over his heart.

"Nope!! Not ditchin' the bill!" Jyushimatsu bounced giddily as he plopped down onto the oak bench. "We got bank!!" He mimicked [Name], using extravagant hand gestures like they did.

"Hell yeah, Jyushimatsu! We're def gonna pay tonight! As we always do!" Osomatsu gave Chibita an over exaggerated wink, jutting his head over to [Name]. Chibita looked up from Osomatsu to [Name], blinking confusedly as his eyes met with theirs.

"Uhh,,, Hey! What's the haps??" [Name] gave Chibita a small, awkward wave, their smile crooked yet kind as they beamed like the sun itself...

...Pretty...

Chibita didn't respond to [Name], studying them cautiously instead. His face was contorted with both anxiousness and disbelief, a look that was practically trademarked by Chorofappybi. Eventually Chibita leaned in towards [Name], hesitantly opening his mouth.

"Are you okay? Are these guys holding you against your will?" He spoke worriedly, genuine in his sudden concern for [Name]...

I guess it was hard to believe that we knew each other... I don't blame Chibita...

Why would someone like [Name] willingly want to hang out with a bunch of useless NEETS? We're trash, disgusting scum of the earth. But [Name]? They were... not that. They were not me.

[Name] is [Name], and we were, us.

They were better in every conceivable way.

Really... why did they want to hang out with us...?

...Why did they want to hang out with me...?

"Yes." [Name] answered simply, catching everyone but myself and a daydreaming Jyushimatsu off guard.

"So they are." Chibita placed his hands on his hips, letting his menacing gaze crawl over us as if we were lowly criminals.

"Ya. Check it." [Name] held up their arm, still coiled around Todomatsu's. "I've been caught. Arrested. Held for questioning." They casually explained, which caused Chibita to give a relieved sigh. My brothers included. 'Cept Jyushimatsu.

"Right..." He breathed. "Jokester, huh?"

"Chibita Chibita Chibita~ I can't believe you thought we would kidnap somebody!" Osomatsu plopped down next to Jyushimatsu, still adorning his offended act.

"Wha-?! The hell?! Hold on, Listen!" Chibita choked. "Y'all're a buncha lazy NEETS who have less appeal than a pile of dog shit! You really expect me to believe that a beautiful person like that is willingly accompanying you?!" Chibita gestured wildly to [Name], helpless as he watched the rest of us pile onto the oak bench one after the other.

"Hey! Don't group me with the rest of them! At least I have future plans and sensible ethics!" Chorofappybi retorted as he attempted to squeeze onto the oak bench. Really, what a shame. It could only fit six people at time…~ Looks like you'll have to stand, Fappy.

"Uh-huh." Chibita rolled his eyes, brushing off Chorofappybi's complaint. "Euhh... okay... look..." He started again, his hesitant gaze alternating between us. "You can order as much as much oden and beer as you want but-"

"Hell yeah! I'll take a tall glass of your strongest stuff and a plate piled with oden! Extra boiled eggs!" Osomatsu was quick to interrupt Chibita, grinning from ear to ear as he excitedly tapped his fingers against the bartop.

"Oi! Shut up! I wasn't finished, ya idjit!" Chibita barked. "I was gonna say, you can order as much oden and beer as you want but you absolutely gotta pay this time! I'm tired of losing stock because you're broke assholes!"

"Then don't serve us." I suggested, immediately regretting my words once I felt the hateful stares of brothers again...

"I would, Ichimatsu!" Chibita continued to rant. "But, instead of accepting the fact that I won't serve you due to financial reasons, you idjits have to make a huge deal out of it and complain and whine and cry until I give you all a pint! Seriously, you're all so annoying! You won't leave no matter what I do! And I can't call the police because I'd feel bad for doing that to you guys, damn it! You're not horrible people, you're just childish! I can't have ya arrested just because ya idjits are still tryna grow up! That'd be dickish!" Chibita finished, his nostrils flared as he tried to contain himself. It wasn't even one second of silence before [Name] began to giggle. Everyone, including Chibita, turned to [Name], watching in awe as they laughed.

It was strange... really. How could a laugh sound so pleasant...? Like jazz music... or the sizzle of stir fry... or the purr of a napping cat...

"Oh my gosh,,," [Name] suddenly spoke. "I'm already having a blast!! I'm so so glad my sweet boys invited me out~" They cooed. "Your pal is super funny, I love 'em!! A+ friend material!!" [Name] complimented, reaching out to give Chibita's nose a poke. A... bop? Boo? Boop? "I'm gonna protect you Chibita~ What a soft friend~"

"S-Soft friend?" Chibita blinked, flushing upon [Name]'s boop... a boop they'd give me... "Geez... ya flatterer." He gave a half smile, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully. It was scary how quickly his attitude changed, just because someone complimented him... what a pushover.

"You know... these guys hafta pay for their meals. They've been comin' here for a long time, yet they never give me cash for the service." Chibita talked, keeping eye contact with [Name] as he grabbed a clean plate from under the counter. "But, you're a first timer. That means I gotta give ya a complimentary meal!" Chibita's half smile widened.

Complimentary meal.

That means it's free, right??

That means the plan is working??

[Name]'s charisma is magic??

"Whoa whoa whoa! Complimentary meal??" Osomatsu gaped. "Does that only apply to [Name] or does it apply to the whole party?? Like, a verbal group coupon or like a meal deal at McDonalds or-??"

"No, Osomatsu. Only [Name] gets a free meal. You guys are paying for yours." Chibita frowned as he began to pile oden on the plate he grabbed.

"What about a couple's discount??" Osomatsu gave a shit eating grin, slithering an arm around [Name]'s waist like a drunk old pervert with no sense of personal space... tch.

...Osomatsu was lucky to be sitting so far away from me... very very lucky...

...I'll just kill him when we get home.

------

"AAAAGGGHHH!!" I frantically wiped hot broth off my face with my sleeves. "THE HELL, CHIBITA?!"

"The hell, my ass! Stop bein' a creep... seriously, gross." Chibita hissed, sliding his metal ladle back into the oden broth.

"Hey I wasn't bein' a creep! They said I could touch them! We established consent like, forever ago!" I tried to defend myself, looking to [Name] for some backup.

"Who the hell would willingly let you touch them??" Chorofappybi glared at me from the end of the bench, still desperately trying to fit on it, hehe~

"I guess that'd be me~" [Name] responded, excited as they watched Chibita place a plate of oden in front of them.

"S-S-Seriously?!" Chorofappybi choked as he fell off the bench, hitting the ground with a surprisingly soft thud.

Haha, look at this guy~! Tryna crawl back onto the bench like a little bug~! So pathetic, Fappy!

"Y-You actually let him touch you like that?!" He yelled out to [Name], a look of absolute horror on his face. Geez. Overreacting as usual.

"Why not?" [Name] shrugged as they picked up one of oden skewers, studying its contents with curious eyes. "I think I know you guys pretty decently by now, so I don't mind touchy feely as long as it's consensual touchy feely." They explained, wrapping their plush lips around the boiled egg that sat on top of the skewer. Oh boy do I wish I was that egg.

“No way…” Todomatsu murmured in disbelief, Karamatsu’s voice following.

“[Name] is truly an affectionate bird of love…” His eyes sparkled as he dreamily placed a hand under his chin.

“So he’s not lying...” Chorofappybi blushed, his once fearful expression now reduced to a bashful one. “...I-I see…”

"Yeah! You do see!" I nodded proudly, turning back to Chibita as I snaked my arm around [Name]'s soft body again. "I'm allowed to touch 'em, so I'm not bein' a creep!"

"...Ooookay?" He blinked, his confused stare alternating between me and [Name]. "Do whatever you guys are comfortable with, I guess... " He exhaled tiredly as he began to grab more plates from under the counter. "So, what'll it be? Oden, oden, or oden?"

"BEER!!" Jyushimatsu flailed his arms beside me, bouncing on his ass so fast that both the bench and cart shook. Goddamn Juice Boy, that ass is causin' collateral damage. Ass got me so shook I'm phasing into an alternate reality.

Man,,, I wish my ass was that powerful.

You gotta lend me some of your ass to impress [Name], Jyushi. My ass is just fat and floppy like a pair of water balloons. I need a firm ass. Big ol' round pack of cement.

"Oh right. Beer. The reason why you came here. How could I forget." Chibita spoke with a blank expression, rolling his eyes as he brought up seven glasses along with the plates. My brothers and I cheered as soon as the glasses came out, high fiving one another until our palms reddened. [Name] simply laughed in response to our cheering, still happily chewing away at the oden they held.

From then on our last minute group date officially began.

As our energetic brother Jyushimatsu requested, the seven of us each received a tall glass of cold beer. Cheap beer. But it was fuckin' delicious at 11pm. My brothers and I inhaled the stuff. Though, each of us had different paces in which we did the inhaling.

I on one hand had a pretty good alcohol tolerance, so I could drink as fast as I felt like. This includes Karamatsu and Todomatsu. Karamatsu, despite having good tolerance, drank a lot slower than Todomatsu and I. It's probably cuz he wanted to be one of those mysterious good lookin' guys who drink alone at bars. However, Todomatsu's pace depended on the people around him. He had a wicked good tolerance, so he drank alcohol like water. But whenever he drinks in public or around attractive people in general, he ends up drinking very slowly. Sometimes he even pretends to be drunk before he's actually drunk just so he can act like a cute drunk boy or whatever. Now, my other three brothers weren't as blessed in tolerance. Ichimatsu was hands down the best at recognizing his limit and stopping when necessary. He tries to drink as little alcohol as possible, but isn't afraid to drink more if he wants to feel some kind of high. Jyushimatsu, as opposed to Ichimatsu, has no idea what a limit is. He has little to no tolerance at all, yet he takes shots like he's excited to die from alcohol poisoning. Even when he feels absolutely nauseous he still drinks. We'll end up having to pry him away if things get too real. Now, Choromatsu. Well. He has the absolute worst tolerance out of the six of us. He was kind of like Jyushimatsu in a way, drinking as fast as possible. But he wasn't oblivious to his tolerance like Juice Boy; he knows his limit. Fappy has this delusion that drinking is a competition, and so naturally he wants to be number one. But man, once that high hits, Choromatsu is an absolute mess.

Vomit? Everywhere.
Tears? Everywhere.
Self depreciation? Everywhere.

Oh, but let's not get started on his drunken fist fighting habits. That's a whole 'nother explanation.

So, there we were. Me and my brothers drinking away, [Name] chowing down on oden, and Chibita listening to soft music that played from the little radio beside him.

I remember when he first got that radio. It was after that one time when I asked him about 'Bofa'. Guess it must've really rustled his jimmies cuz he bought a radio just to play loud music whenever we try to tell him a joke. Days passed and Chibita got a little attached to it, so now he plays classical music while he works.

The cart was vacant of conversation for awhile until [Name] decided to speak up. They officially introduced themselves to Chibita, in which he did the same. Seeing as they were obvious conversation topics, the two went on to talk about what their hobbies were and what they did for a living.

Chibita responded with what you'd expect; 'My life completely revolves around oden!'

I mean, hey, simple answer, but that's Chibita. He lives and breathes oden. So of course oden is both his hobby and career. [Name] on the other hand responded with some variation.

Attending university. Taking naps. Taking walks. Watching American Infomercials. Telling jokes. Writing screenplays. Oh, and being a fucking author.

[Name] had their life all together! They were going to school, they had a cool job, and they had interesting talents! Just listening to them casually talk about their life kinda grossed me out. Hell, I think it grossed out everyone but [Name] and Chibita!

Seriously, how was [Name] able to have such a steady lifestyle and cool personality?? That's so unfair!!

But, like the cowards we were, we didn't have the guts to stop [Name] from slaughtering our egos, or at least what's left of them. Looking over my brothers' gloomy faces, I knew they felt the same. [Name] was a pretty Kool Kat. They were ridiculously nice, had an addictive friendly aura, and they actually hung out with us. It was as if they genuinely enjoyed our company. How could we possibly hate on somebody that's so, hot.

Shit… no. That's not the word. I meant to say something like… awesome? Neato? The bee's knees? ...Uhh... oh! I got one!

They're good! 100% Good Kid! A real good dude!

Now, you might be thinking, ‘Well gee, Oso, don’t you generally hate good natured people??’

Well here’s the dealio!

Take Kamimatsu for example; an unfortunate good natured person. He’s way different from [Name]! He was good, but he was a major dick. Unintentionally. But a dick nonetheless! [Name] is also good, but was the farthest thing from a dick! They were like, a bundle of kind smiles and hilarious jokes.

Again, who could hate that??

And thus, we sucked it up like men! We let our smokin' hot [Name] talk about their disgustingly perfect life!

Luckily however, the life conversation ended and they decided to start a new one. God, what a sigh of relief. They finally changed the subject.

During the new conversation, Chibita came to learn of [Name]'s foreign origins, which excited him. He went on to ask how the food was over there and if oden was a popular dish. [Name] explained that American dishes can typically be described in two words. Big and Fatty. They continued to say that oden definitely was not a popular food, seeing as they didn't even know what oden was previously. Chibita of course was appalled to hear such a thing, responding with 'The hell?? Really?? Man, looks like I'll just hafta get my oden world famous! You'll have oden in America asap!"

An hour passed, and the conversations between Chibita and [Name] failed to cease.

How [Name] met us. How Chibita met us. What [Name]'s book was about. How Chibita began his little oden cart business. [Name] telling some quality jokes. Chibita laughing at those jokes.

The two were hitting it off really well.

A little too well, in my opinion.

GaaAAHH, but this was good, right?! Chibita might give us a discount or even a free meal because of [Name]!! That was the plan!! That was the fucking plan!! And it was working!!

Was it working too good??

Is Chibita being a little too friendly??

fuCK!! SHIT!!

What do I do?!

Do I interrupt them or what?!

Why aren't my brothers doing anything?!

They're thinking what I'm thinking, right?! They gotta be!! So why aren't we tryna fix this?! Why am I not tryna fix this?!

Before I could open my mouth, [Name] quickly opened theirs instead.

"Can you turn that up?" [Name] interrupted Chibita mid sentence, gesturing to his radio. Chibita blank faced, silent as he processed what [Name] said. He looked to the radio, then back at [Name], alternating between the two before deciding to do what was asked of him. My brothers and I continued to sit quietly, confusedly glancing at one another.

[Name] and Chibita were having a pretty enjoyable conversation, from what we could tell. Why would [Name] suddenly end it just to listen to the radio?

"...And that's all I gotta say about the newest Nyaa-Chan conspiracy theory! Simply, it's just a load of crap! Who even believes this stuff?? Can't we just get to next topic already??" A baritone voice spoke over the radio, most likely a radio show host.

"Yes yes, gosh, you're so impatient Fukui-San!" Another voice spoke, a lot lighter in tone. "Man, it's almost as if you have a crush on the guy!"

"Can you blame me if I did? This young entrepreneur is well ordered and sexy." The baritone voice gave a laugh.

"I'll admit, he is eye candy. Hugely successful eye candy." The lighter voice agreed. "Well, going off of that, let’s talk about that incredible new product he's developed! I hear it's already available in the states, but it's coming to Japan's shelves next month!"

"Man, next month? I don't think I can wait that long!" The baritone pretended to whine, a laugh from the lighter following.

"What's that phrase? Distance makes the heart grow fonder?" The lighter attempted to recall. "Anyways, I think we should assess its effect with the young adults in America. Will it have the same with the Japanese?"

"I'd hope so! People have been a lot more body positive since his first product release a few years back! It's kind of a global phenomenon, don't you think?" The baritone praised. The two voices continued to talk about this young entrepreneur, showering his products and looks with endless compliments.

Chibita and us brothers were speechless.

We listened carefully to the voices, taking in every word like oxygen. We tried to grasp the importance of this exchange, since [Name] wanted to listen to it, but personally, I found it difficult to understand.

It was just two radio show hosts talking about some dude and his diverse beauty products. Like, yeah, body positivity is pretty important but I didn't think [Name] was interested in this stuff. I wasn't exactly big on beauty products, so maybe that's why I didn't care for it?? I don't know...

"Hey, who's this guy they're talking abo-?" I paused, shutting my mouth the second I saw [Name]'s face.

[Name] was completely void of emotion.

Their eyes were empty, motionless as they stared down at their limp hands. Their face was unusually relaxed and their mouth was reduced to a small slit. They gave soft, shaken breaths, almost unnoticeable if the atmosphere wasn't so dead. I mean, shit dude, [Name] looks dead. I’m tempted to check their pulse or something goddamn...

"Hey..." Ichimatsu hesitantly spoke, breaking the uncomfortable silence between the eight of us. "...Are you... okay...?" He peered over Todomatsu who sat beside [Name], studying them carefully. [Name] continued to stay motionless for what felt like hours, still staring down at their hands. It was hard to tell whether or not they even heard Ichimatsu. They just, sat. Staring. Dead.

“[Name]??”

------

I raised my voice, hoping that if they didn’t hear Ichimatsu, they’d hear me instead. My brothers always tell me I’m the loudest one out of the six of us, so maybe [Name] would answer now…

...But they didn’t answer.

Maybe if I screamed really really loud, they’d hear me for sure! Maybe I could scream something totally random to grab their attention! Maybe I’ll make them laugh!! If they laugh, everything would be all better, right?? [Name] would be okay, right…??

Before I could scream as loud as I could, something else woke up [Name].

"Hey~!! [Name]-tan~!!" A super sweet voice echoed throughout the silent street, the clicking of high heels growing louder and louder by the second. The eight of us looked towards the source, watching as Totoko-chan ran excitedly down the sidewalk.

[Name]-tan?!

Whoaaaa!! Since when was [Name] [Name]-tan??

Are we supposed to call them [Name]-tan??

"T-Totoko!" [Name] quickly stood up, their cheeks deepening in color as Totoko-chan skipped over to them. "W-What are you doing out so late??"

"Hm? What do you mean?" Totoko-chan hummed, stopping just a few inches away from [Name].

Wow!! Totoko-chan was as cute as ever tonight!!

She wore an oversized jacked that kept her delicate hands hidden, and a short, baby pink skirt that peeked out from under the jacket! She even wore black tights, so tight they almost appeared see through~! Whoa!! And those ankle boots!! What cute boots!! They look so nice on her~! They make her legs look so long~

I looked at my brothers to find that they were all super flustered! Their cheeks were so pink~! They think she’s really cute too, huh~??

"What do I mean??" [Name] frowned. "I mean it's super late and you're out here alone! Someone could mug you, or like, kidnap you! I don’t even go out alone this late! Not unless I have mace with me!" They worriedly spoke.

"What?? Pfft, no~" Totoko-chan giggled, moving even closer to [Name]. "No one’s gonna lay a finger me! I know some pretty badass moves, I can handle being out here alone~!" She sang. “I can teach you some of them, if you want~”

"Ah, hey there, Totoko!" Chibita spoke up, waving to Totoko-chan as she turned to face him. "You here for some oden? Maybe a drink?"

"No." She simply responded, catching Chibita off guard. "I'm here for [Name]-tan, not cheap dining."

"You know [Name], Totoko-chan?!" I yelled, just as surprised as the rest of my brothers were.

“Y-Yeah! What J-Jysuhimatsu said!” Chorofappybi stuttered. “Y-You know them?!”

“Since when did you guys meet?! When?! You never mentioned meeting [Name] before, Totoko-chan!!” Osomatsu whined like he always did, kicking his feet like a little kid.

"[Name]-tan, you have no idea how happy I am to see you~!" Totoko-chan cooed, completely ignoring us as she turned back to [Name].

Cold. So cold.

"See, I've been taking a lot of walks lately because I was really hoping to see you again! And boy am I lucky to have finally found you~!"

"Whoa whoa whoa, I’m gonna hafta stop you right there." [Name] held up their hands, their eyes wide with surprise. "You go out for walks… just to find me?? Like… for realsies??"

"For realsies." Totoko-chan mimicked [Name], raising an eyebrow as she scooted even closer to them.

I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest! My cheeks were so so warm! So warm!! Gosh,,,

Why was Totoko-chan being so friendly to [Name]?? She’s never that friendly to us!! Never!!

"Here~” Totoko-chan smiled as she began to unzip the oversized jacket. “I have something for you~" The jacket started to slip off her bare shoulders, exposing her soft, pale skin.

"NO!!!" The six of us stood in unison, screeching as Totoko-chan shook off the jacket and handed it to [Name]. Underneath the jacket revealed a baby pink mini dress. The top of the dress stylishly hung off her shoulders, clinging to her upper arms.

Oh.

So…

Totoko wasn’t topless… haha…

"Geez, stop screaming..." Totoko-chan mumbled under her breath as [Name] put on the jacket. "These guys never stop screaming…”

"Fuck, dude..." [Name] marveled, their eyes sparkling as they pet the jacket. "Y-You cleaned this and everything! It’s so soft! And it smells so nice! Gosh, thank you so much!" They flushed as Totoko-chan hooked her arm around theirs.

"Don't mention it~! C'mon~ I'll walk you home~" Totoko-chan happily hugged [Name]’s arm as she began to drag them away.

"W-Walk me home??" They yelped, totally red faced as they complied with Totoko-chan.

"Yep~! You helped me escape the rain~! So now I'm gonna help you escape these shitty losers~!” Totoko-chan giggled, continuing to pull [Name] down the street. “Now, where do live exactly? Oh! Do you like the dress I’m wearing? I just bought yesterday! I think it clings to my curves nicely, don’t you agree?" She talked to [Name], her voice getting quieter and quieter as the two walked off.

My brothers and I just stood, staring at the two figures who faded into the distance.

...Wow…

...What just happened??

What was up with the jacket??

What about escaping the rain??

Why the nickname [Name]-tan??

And why the were they walking back to [Name]'s house??

There could only be one explanation for this…

Only one…

They must be really good friends!! Just like how me and my brothers were with [Name]!! That’s so nice!!

“BYE BYE!! HAVE FUN AT [NAME]’S HOUSE!!” I yelled out to them, waving my arms so they knew who said it!! I hope they do lots of cool stuff! Like playing cards or watching scary movies, hehe~!

I turned to my brothers, expecting smiles of approval! After all, friendship is the most important thing in the world, so we should cheer on Totoko-chan and [Name]! But their faces were the exact opposite of happy! They looked pretty dead. Kinda like how [Name] looked a few minutes ago! Their faces were as white as sheets, and they were totally stiff! Like actual dead people! That’s no good!

I was gonna cheer my brothers up with some funny jokes, but Chibita spoke up before I could do anything!

"So," Chibita snapped my brothers out of their trance, a certain seriousness in his voice as he spoke. "Who's gonna be payin’ the bill?”

Chapter Text

Hey everyone! I just want to say thank you for reading my fanfic! Writing it was an absolute blast and the community we shared here was really special!

I started writing this fic when I was 17 and now I’m 21! The years go by so fast! I stopped updating this fic around the time I left for college so I had no time to continue updating it. Illustration and Creative Writing are pretty tasking majors, so I barely had much time for personal stuff. Being an adult is hard!

I would love to continue this fic, especially since season 3 is coming so soon! I won’t be able to update weekly/biweekly like I used to, but this is a project I’m proud of and I’d like to finish it. I may have to revisit my original outline for this story to determine whether or not 15 more chapters is feasible for me. Regardless, I won’t change my original plans! I think 17 year old me had some great ideas.

Love you guys!!!

- Ellie