Work Text:
The dilemma that you feel when there is something that you want and don’t want happening at the same time is one of the weirdest feelings ever.
The anticipation of that something happening eats you alive, it makes your gutter vibrate with sheer excitement and the weird sensation confuses your brain so much that it starts panicking without proper knowledge of what to do.
Haechan feels a little silly with his internal battle, it reminds him of the times when he was still a baby and received the most beautiful toy he’s ever seen, but because of not being familiar with the full spectrum of human emotions he started crying in fear because of how many things he’s gone through at this moment.
I hope it picks me.
The poor boy’s heart beats in the rhythm of every spin of the bottle on the floor, dilated pupils are so focused on the dark-green glass that his eyes start watering because of how long he’s sitting there without blinking.
He is not going to be fine if the god damn bottle picks any of his friends for Jaemin to kiss right in front of his face. He’s going straight to heaven once that happens (he truly believes that’s where he belongs since being annoying was never considered a sin).
But it’s not like he’s going to be fine if it stops on him either.
First, he’s going to have a heart attack and go to heaven (again). Second, Jaemin can’t stand his antics and he’s going to help him get to the heaven with his buff chunky arms. Who knows, maybe that’s the actual goal he’s been training for all these years.
I hope this bottle just breaks in pieces, so he’s kissing nobody tonight.
But the motion finally stops and Haechan is met eye-to-eye with a fucking hole of the bottleneck.
Ah, shit.
His ears can detect some cheering and booing and fucking cooing at the same time from all sides of the room, but it all fades out as his whole body feels the stare and freezes instantly. This is the kind of stare he is so used to getting, like he is going to get torn up and eaten alive. He is so going to die tonight.
“Why such a long face? Not so bold when you actually have a chance to kiss me, huh?”, Jaemin teases as he leans back on the sofa, a dangerous grin stretched on his lips, “Lee Haechan”.
“And you suddenly not so scared of me kissing you as you usually are”, Haechan fires back since he has a reputation to uphold, “a fucking pussy afraid of a little kiss”.
“Watch your mouth, baby. Come here, let’s get it over with”.
Jaemin sits nonchalantly with one of his arms resting on a headboard, looking at the boy sitting on the floor from the above and god was it hot. Unfortunately, it really fucking was. Haechan could feel the blush creeping up his neck from the intense stare and a big lump forming in his throat.
“How are y’all not even kissing yet and I’m already uncomfortable”, Chenle says with some very exaggerated gagging sounds.
“I was going to say that it’s because you’re straight, but then realized how you’re the only one who’s got to kiss everybody in this fucking friend group. Not so straight of you, by the way”, Jisung (who had a big fat crush on said straight guy) added.
“I had to figure out my sexuality somehow, okay? I thought we’re not judging here”.
“Shut up everybody, it’s not about you now”, Renjun intervened grumpily and all eyes suddenly were on Haechan again.
The stares made him madly uncomfortable. It felt as if everyone’s stare was so sticky, crawling up and down his entire frame. The last time he felt like it was when he vulnerably put his life out there in arms of other not very pleasant people to decide whether he was worthy of getting his bachelor’s degree.
“Wanna sit on my lap? Let’s put a little show for them, what do you think?” I think fucking not.
“Sure, I love putting up a show. Like, I actually enjoy it. With my whole heart. And soul”.
“Ok, we get it. Please, get it over with already”, someone suspiciously similar to Jeno mumbled right behind him.
Haechan somewhat awkwardly and timidly landed on one of Jaemin’s thighs, palms put on his own knees since they are too sweaty to do anything involving Jaemin’s body in this, face red and heart trying to get out of his rib cage. When Jaemin put him closer with his big and warm arm, he yelped in surprise and relocated his nervous arms on other’s somewhat naked shoulders.
“Relax, Haechanie, no one’s gonna eat you”, he whispered in his ear with a little laugh that could actually put Haechan at ease in any other situation.
“Promise?” brown haired whispered back blinking slowly. He’s not the one who’s the best with the eye contact, but something in Jaemin’s eyes couldn’t make him look away. This mischievous glint that shined as if his eyes were glittered and covered something more serene and deep under it, and the combination puts Haechan under some sort of spell every single time.
“I promise”. God, his smile.
“No Haechans are going to the heaven tonight?”
“Baby, what are you talking about?” The expression on his face is genuinely shocked as his hands start caressing the small bare part of Haechan’s lower back, sending shivers all over his already slightly shaking body. “You’re not making it to heaven any other day. You are a demon”, he says straight into his ear, lips touching the sensitive skin over there and Haechan, honest to god, wants to let a very embarrassing moan out.
“You do realize”, he thinks of a clapback, but his mind just rocketed out of his overwhelmed body and left him with an obviously raspy from slight arousal voice, “that you are going with me?”
“Wouldn’t want that any other way”, Jaemin just smiles oh so softly that it almost catches Haechan off guard. Almost.
Oh my god, I’m going insane.
So, he exhales, then gulps before slowly trying to close the proximity between their faces. Haechan’s fingers nervously clench on the edges of Jaemin’s tank top, while his shaky pupils are getting hidden with his flattering eyelashes. He feels the other’s breath right on his lips and it makes him shudder with his whole body, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Jaemin, whose arms circle even tighter around his frame.
“Come on, baby, kiss me”, Jaemin whispers with a teasing grin latched on his lips that are touching lightly with the other’s and making the boy on his lap’s breath hitch the hundredth time in span of a few minutes.
“Shut the fuck up, Jaemin”.
“Just fucking kiss already”, Mark groans from the side, cringing visibly as he got the best view for this show.
Something in Haechan made him sure that this little thing that should be taken lightly by everyone in this room is going to change his and Jaemin’s dynamic forever. Because you cannot kiss the person you are infatuated with and not let it get to your head. Because you cannot kiss the person that doesn’t really like you back and expect everything to go back to normal once it happens. Because it is going to hurt like a fucking bitch for a long, very long time.
But he still does it.
He abruptly closes almost nonexistent gap between their faces and lets his eager lips get what they want. He closes his eyes to not let himself see what he is doing, to not let himself see how he decided to think with his lips and set himself for a major heartbreak.
But it appears as if seeing things that are happening is not that important, when the other’s lips welcome him so, so unexpectedly and heart-clenchingly softly.
Oh my god.
He feels like he is going to explode, since he forgets how to breathe. And doesn’t really know if he’ll remember how to in the future while not being able to kiss the man under him anymore. Because in that very moment, the lips on his felt like very much needed oxygen. As they were moving just in tact with his own, he could feel every cell of his body getting addicted to the feeling, chasing, craving, searching for even more.
Jaemin, on the other side, could feel how the body above him practically melts, when he takes initiative into his own hands and starts moving his lips more persistently. The boy on his lap exhales shakily through his nose, adjusts his face to the side, and the lashes of his closed eyes flatter so beautifully, he actually feels as if he is getting punched in the stomach with the way Haechan now is looking better than any time before.
So, he experimentally licks on the other’s lip before sucking it with his owns to drag it a little. It feels weirdly nice. Especially with the way Haechan’s body shudders in his hold.
“Oh my fucking god, this is literally so gay”, Renjun decides to comment thoughtfully. “I feel like I shouldn’t watch it. Like, the sexual tension? Oh my god”.
“Yeah, I feel like it’s enough now. Guys, erm, would you be so nice to stop this… erm… whatever you’re doing right now? Please?” Mark practically begs from the side and since his moment is already ruined, Haechan, being the menace that he is, brave and opportunistic as ever, takes the chance and decides to ruin it for everybody else when he lightly bites on Jaemin’s lip and then skillfully pushes his tongue inside other’s mouth.
“Not the tongue”, Jeno comments with a scandalous expression on his face.
“Ok, it’s getting too freaky, I’m leaving”, Mark whines out before actually standing up from the sofa.
The make out session felt so good that Haechan forgot every concern that was there in his mind before. His head was full of Jaemin, his hands were full of Jaemin, his mouth was full of Jaemin, what could he ever think of in that moment? The only coherent thought that was still alive in his a little tipsy brain was to control himself from moaning, but the task was getting so hard, especially with one of Jaemin’s hands starting to roam around his back, that he had to cut the kiss short.
Feeling as he’s won in life by both getting kissed by his favorite person in the world and annoying Mark and everyone else in this room, he finally detaches himself from the desired lips, breathing heavily, but the feeling of winning doesn’t last long. As far as he slowly opens his eyes, his face gets even hotter and he is met with an unblinking dark stare of the other boy.
“Were your eyes fucking open throughout the entire kiss?!”
Haechan, once again, honest to god, has no idea why he likes that man.
🍒
If for a short while Haechan thought that he was too dramatic thinking about the consequences that the kiss would bring to him, now he could say that he was not dramatic enough that time. Everything turned out to be so, so much worse.
He couldn’t be anywhere near Jaemin without his eyes traveling down to his lips and getting reminded that he actually kissed those lips. Those soft, perfectly shaped for his own lips. He got hypnotized with them and sometimes even caught himself mimicking their movements, which is a very gay and very loser thing to do.
But the worst thing about that was the fact that Jaemin started kind of avoiding him.
They used to sit shoulder to shoulder every time they went out to the diner or a cafe with their friends, and these were the highlights of some of Haechan’s weeks. Like, the job could be shitty, the courses could be failing, but hey! at least he got to sit close to Jaemin for a solid hour.
Not now though. Two weeks and four get-togethers later, the boy could not think of it as of an unlucky coincidence in a way of Chenle happily being stuck between them every damn time.
They used to do their homework together in the library about three times a week, since his, Renjun’s and Jaemin’s courses overlapped sometimes. But these two weeks, he and Renjun were the only ones present on these study dates, since Jaemin was always “busy”.
Apparently, he was so busy that he couldn’t even reply to the TikToks he’s sent. A little “heart” reaction that got repetitively annoying over time was the biggest thing that Haechan got in return from the boy.
And oh, was he hurt. Very much so.
Who would’ve thought that the pain he is about to feel is not just because of his whipped ass, but because of the other’s avoidance. Was it because it’s him? Because he is not a good enough kisser? Because his breath stank that night probably? Or was he too eager that night that it weirded Jaemin out?
It must be something like that. Because Jaemin and Jeno kissed before too, but you don’t see them being all awkward with each other, quite the opposite — they became the bestest bros you could’ve ever imagined since they bonded through the shared kiss. Yet again, Haechan would absolutely die if Jaemin addressed him as a “bro” after their kiss. Maybe it would have become his thirteenth reason why.
“Why such a long face? You look as if you’ve actually got some thoughts in there”, Renjun tapped his fingers on Haechan’s temple with a little chuckle.
“Funny, Jaemin asked me the same question when the bottle landed on me”, Renjun groaned with his head in his hands.
“You are still thinking of this?”
“Of course I fucking am! What am I supposed to do if it is my last shared memory with a person I have an embarrassing, mark lee ass’ type of huge crush on?”.
“Nasty comparison”, Renjun made a disgusted face. “C’mon now, you know he’s busy. He’s been telling that lately, so you’re just overthinking”.
“Well, too busy only for me, I guess. you don’t find anyone else getting ghosted by him in the group chat except for me”, he whines a little and puts his head down on the cold desk, feeling his cheek getting squished a little. “I’m just thinking, like, am I such a turn-off for a guy? I know I am kind of annoying and all, but not to the extent to avoid me after a kiss as if I was some kind of disgusting creature? If he knew he was going to behave that way, he could just deny kissing me, like, I’d be miserable this way too, but not that much, you know? Now I just feel stupid, and heartbroken, and undesirable, and awful, and did I say stupid?”
“Yeah, you did”, Renjun moves closer to embrace the younger in a moment of softness, squishing his own cheek on others back too. “But you are not any of these things, okay? I don’t know what’s going on in Jaemin’s head and I don’t really want to know, but I am sure it is nothing of these things. And don’t think like I am trying to defend him, no, fuck him! How could he hurt my son like that?” It got a little chuckle from Haechan. He closed his eyes, since the feeling of the other’s warmth and gentle rubbing of his hands kind of brought comfort to him and continued listening. “But there is no way somebody is able to think that way of you. You are that boy, Hyuck. You’re smart, you’re pretty, you’re cute, you smell great and you’re funny, so never ever think of yourself as anything other than that, or I’m going to punch you in the face”.
“Are you, by any chance, in love with me, Renjunnie?”
“Actually, yeah, I am. Screw Jaemin and date me instead, hm?”
“Bet”, Haechan makes a pop sound with his mouth. “we still gonna need a top though”.
“Wow, what a way to ruin the moment. Fuck you.”
🍒
Haechan has figured out a long time ago that the best seat during the lecture classes is somewhere in the middle row closer to its end on the left side. It is not too far away to get distracted by every little thing going around since the professor is so far away, but you are still sitting in some kind of blind spot to the lecturer — very seldom you can catch someone’s eyes in that exact corner of a lecture room.
Jaemin, being the laziest person on the planet Earth when it comes to studying, prefers to sit somewhere in the back, so he can have the nap of his lifetime right under a bright ass lamp right above his head. He says that he sleeps much better with the lights on and lecture rooms lights are unmatched in this sense. Whatever, he’s always been a little… special.
As you can all read, thoughts of this man don’t leave his mind even for a minute, and as it is nothing new, it actually got a little annoying even to Haechan himself. The thoughts of this boy, the sight of this boy, even the sound of this boy — everything makes him annoyed now. The exhaustion from long-time ghosting got the best of him and now he kind of doesn’t really have fucks to give anymore.
Even as the said boy falls right by his side at the very moment, which is, well, unusual, he can’t care less.
Sike, he’s freaking flabbergasted. But there is no way he’s letting Jaemin show how affected he is.
“Hi?” The boy tries, gauging the other’s expression and lowering his head just to take a look right at his face.
“Hi there”.
“Will you please look at me?”
“Don’t wanna”, Haechan hums, not even trying to hide how annoyed he is and flipping through his notes. As if he can make something out of these damn notes, when the only thing that he can think of making out of is- let’s stop right here.
“Babe”, Haechan swears his heart just skipped a bit. “Stop being a brat. I missed you so much, can you please, please look at me?”
“Well, I am always a brat, just fact checking”, he very exaggeratedly rolls his eyes and finally lets them linger a little on Jaemin. “And whose fault is that you missed me? If I remember correctly, I am not the one who kept running away from you all the time like a little coward”.
“Ouch. Deserved, I guess”, Jaemin scrunches his nose, but his facial expression visibly brightens after the older finally looks at him. Haechan hates to think of how much he missed simply looking at this face when he is supposed to be all mad and moody. “I am sorry, really. Actually, can we talk?”
“No can do. The lection is about to start”.
“After the class then?”
“Nope”.
“Why not? I know you don’t have any other classes after that”.
“Jaemin”, he moves his whole body closer to the said boy, trying to hide his own shiver from the proximity, when he feels Jaemin’s body suddenly tense. “You’ve been ignoring me for a month now. Do you think I am going to make it easy for you?”
He doesn’t know what possesses him, but he currently feels very, very mad at the boy right next to him. To the point of feeling his skin itch kind of mad. He is not a robot or an overly understanding dude that, for example, Park Jisung is, god bless his poor soul, so he simply can’t tolerate this asshole-y attitude towards him. He has his pride, you know.
So, with a new-found energy, he looks Jaemin straight in the eyes, satisfied with how, for once, Jaemin’s eyes are the ones that are wide and dilated. Ideally, he would like the boy to look scared on top of all that, terrified even, but he seems amused and something close to… hungry?
“Baby”.
“Don’t call me that after ignoring me for a month, Jaemin”.
“Babe”.
“Jaemin”.
“You look so hot right now I could kiss you”.
Huh.
“What.”
But he doesn’t get an answer. Instead, he gets lifted to his two feet and dragged only Jaemin knows where to. That’s the last thing he remembers before finding himself pinned against the wall in a random restroom and being kissed as if by a man starved.
At some point, when Jaemin gives his tongue a hard, borderline disgusting suck, he moans into his mouth, feeling saliva trickling down his chin and being too occupied to be concerned about that.
The embarrassing sound he produced brings him back a little conscience though, so he finds strength within himself to grip Jaemin’s hair with his fist and yank his head back.
They both are breathing heavily, looking at each other with the intensity that feels very new and very unknown to Haechan.
“If you think you found a toy you can make out with at any moment you want, you are awfully wrong, Na”, he says quietly with an unmasked threat and irritation.
“Yeah?” Jaemin looks down at him and has a nerve to flash him his predatory smile that sends Haechan’s heart into frenzy every damn time without exceptions. “Seemed to me like you were quite alright with being one just a moment before though”.
Jaemin was stronger between them two, obviously. And it becomes even more obvious, when it is Haechan’s head now being yanked back by a strong grip on his locks and Jaemin’s slick and hot mouth on his throat, despite the smaller’s hand still being at his hair. The slight show of strength and messy kisses all over his neck make Haechan’s head spin and eyes roll back, as an even more embarrassing whimper finds its way out of his system.
“And moaning so loud and pretty, you sure you wouldn’t allow me that, Haechannie?” The murmurs pass to Haechan’s skin in the form of goosebumps, as the other’s lips continue trailing their righteous path up to his cheek. And just the quiet and husky voice alone makes him tremble with his whole body, letting Jaemin’s arm on his waist hold him up on his jelly legs.
“Jaemin”, he breaths out like a prayer as his hands frantically grip the boy’s shoulders and the eyes open just slightly, vision unfocused and blurry. “Jaeminnie”.
“So pretty”, Jaemin, as if hypnotized, slowly kisses each of small moles all over Haechan’s face. “So, so pretty. Just like that time. Whole month couldn’t think about anything else aside of how pretty you looked right on top of me, the look that you get in your eyes, the plump and red lips, tinted full cheeks. You are breathtakingly pretty, Haechan-ah”.
“Jaemin”, he whines even louder this time, mouth parted, back arched off the wall, hips attached to the man’s in front of him. He looks like he’s about to lose his mind.
And at that very moment, Haechan understands clearly that he doesn’t care if he is being used right now, if it is “no strings attached” kind of thing, the only thing he cares about is the way he falls even deeper into this trap, allowing his body to feel like it’s flying, even if he will be met with a hard and unforgiving ground in the very next minute. He can find himself addicted to the feeling that he has never felt before in his life, and if necessary, he is ready to crawl back to Jaemin every time he painfully lands into the reality, only to feel like floating just one more time.
“Baby, why are you crying?” A somewhat worried whisper makes its way to Haechan’s brain at the 0,5x speed, and with the same success he finally feels tears trails on his cheek. However, it takes him not even a second to detect how the feeling of warm breath starts disappearing from his skin and his eyes fly open, glossy and panicked.
“No, please, Jaemin, don’t go”, his voice sounds a little broken and his hands clutch even tighter than before, not letting the body pressed to him distance itself any further. “I don’t want you to ignore me again, please, I’m sorry, I-“
“Shhh, baby, I’m not going anywhere. Breathe”, Jaemin sounds soft and worried, his hands cupping Haechan’s face with so much care that it makes him sob. “Why are you apologizing? Haechanie, it’s me who’s at fault, you didn’t do anything wrong. Just- just breathe for me first, okay? I’m here”.
The thumbs caress his face and wipe away his tears, and Haechan obediently starts breathing deeper, still letting out little sobs. Now, that his mind has cleared up a bit, he realizes two things at once. First, it is a miracle how no one has come into the restroom all this time. Second, he, probably, looks stupid right now. Just to prove his point, his organism decides it’s a great time to start hiccuping now. Jaemin’s fucking cooing at him, great.
“Well, now, that’s embarrassing”, he says quietly and trying to laugh it off, feeling how his ears are getting redder with every passing second. Especially since Jaemin doesn’t bother to say anything in response for a solid half a minute.
“I’m sorry I’m the one who got you feeling like this. I am the biggest asshole in the world”.
“Selfish much? Not everything is about you, you know”, Haechan answers just to be annoying. “Who said that you are the reason? I am just stressed, that’s all”.
“Well, then I am an asshole for not being there for you”, he gives his saddest grin and Haechan notices how Jaemin’s thumb hasn’t stopped caressing his cheek up until now.
“Yeah, you are. I hate you”.
“I hate me too. I’m really sorry”.
There is a little pause after that, which is filled with Haechan’s rare sniffs and the sound of a leaking tap somewhere in the left corner of the room. None of these sounds are appealing to Haechan, so he awkwardly hums and loosens his grip on the other’s clothes, trying to step back, but being stopped by a wall behind him and Jaemin’s arm around his torso.
“I, um, well”, he breathes out and tries to gather his thoughts together. “I-I am sorry for a little outburst at the end of this… thing. I know it was all heat of the moment and we, probably, shouldn’t do this again, like, ever, and we won’t, so…” he wants to continue, but at that very moment he feels a generous lick right across his tear-dried cheek that makes him freeze. “Na Jaemin, what the fuck”.
“Salty”, he responds like it’s the most common thing to say at this situation. “You’re rambling”.
“Yeah, right. Um, what I was trying to say, you can let me go now”.
“Don’t wanna”, he grins and moves even closer instead, as if trying to imprint himself into Haechan’s body. The older one suddenly feels like his head is about to explode. “You know, I might never let you go from now on. This month was very Haechan-less and I feel very much deprived of you now”.
“What the fuck are you talking about”, Haechan groans despite his cheeks turning dusted pink and tries to get Jaemin off of him. “Look, I’m too exhausted to play your games right now. Go find someone else to play with and leave me alone before you start getting on my nerves again”.
“Not happening”, he proudly exclaims and gives the poor boy a big and fat smooch right on the lips, leaving him frozen once again. “Haechan-ah, I might have said something stupid in this “heat in the moment thing” as you address our hot as fuck make out minutes before”, Haechan feels like ground should swallow him whole, “but I never thought of you as of a toy or anything to play with. Actually, I was freaking out over you this whole month, replaying in my mind our kiss at the sleepover again and again. And I was so scared to be anywhere near you after that, because I couldn’t trust myself to be normal about you and not kiss you at any chance I get. If it was a crush before that one night, then I became absolutely smitten for you right after, it scares me even now how much I like you. And I’m sorry that I passed the wrong idea to you with all the ghosting and this thing I said just now, but I swear on my whole bloodline I never wanted you and I to be something superficial and casual”.
“Jaemin”.
“I haven’t finished yet, wait”.
“I don’t care”, this is Haechan’s turn to give the boy in front of him a lingering kiss on his lips to completely shut him up. “This was the sexiest thing to get out of your mouth like ever and if you don’t take me to your place to make out again right now you’ll never get a chance to finish your speech and make us something “non-casual and not superficial”.
There is a moment of silence again, filled with the intensity of their shared gazes before Jaemin ruins it with a groan.
“God”, he lets his head fall on the other’s shoulder. “You are so cute. I like you so much. I think we should get married. Like, yesterday”.
“As much as I am delighted to hear all this, I stand by my previous statement, so if you don’t kiss me right now-“
“Baby, shut the fuck up”, he gets in response and gets finally kissed again with fervor and passion. And that gets him to finally smile without any weight on his heart, probably, for the first time in a whole month.