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Heartwarming, energetic noises of children at play echo throughout the nameless village at the base of Mount Ichor. These children rush eagerly, plodding through the snow in a large field just outside the Heart of Eya Temple, distracting themselves from the mental fatigue of their weekly classes which ended just minutes ago with a simple ball game. The game has no name, and no rules are ever set in stone, as the children generally make them up as the game goes on. By the end of the game, they occasionally have something resembling a somewhat solid ruleset, but these rules are always forgotten by the time they play next.
Among these children, usually at the head of the pack, is a young girl with navy blue hair, adorned with a red robe that is much too large for her. Her name is Audrey and she is eight years old. Audrey is a joyful, enthusiastic showoff. Through her talents, she is a constant attention-seeker and her peers, in their own way, whether they see her as a role-model or an obstacle to one day surpass, are more than happy to grant her that attention.
“Alby, pass it here!” Audrey shouts to a child her age. They respond by tossing a ball in Audrey’s direction. She snatches it out of the air and dashes towards one end of the children's designated field of play. “You’d better catch it this time, Yulie!” Audrey declares and then lobs the ball into the air in a high arc.
Yulie, a rather tall girl, stands in the middle of a circle made in the snow at the edge of the playing field. She adjusts herself to catch the ball approaching her, carefully as to not step outside the circle. She catches the carefully aimed throw without an issue. ‘Obviously,’ Audrey thinks to herself. Her throw was perfect and Yulie’s a dextrous girl. Of course she’d be able to catch a throw like that one!
Audrey gazes expectantly at the monks of the Heart of Eya Temple. Unfortunately, however, they were deep in conversation with one another, granting no attention whatsoever to Audrey’s impressive skills. A twinge of disappointment pricks into her heart for just a moment before she psyches herself up once again. She wouldn’t let herself get discouraged for a single moment longer. She already has her peers wrapped around her little finger, someday everyone would notice her. Everyone would respect her. All she has to do is keep excelling. Simple enough.
Before long, the children, expected to be home for supper, begin to depart the temple. Soon enough, only Audrey remains in the temple yard, playing alone with the ball, attempting to keep it in the air for as long as possible. She is interrupted by the sound of one of the monks clearing their throat in an attempt to get her attention. Huang stands in front of the door to the Heart of Eya temple, beckoning Audrey inside. Audrey pouts.
“Ajahn Huang, already...? I was doing so good that time, didn’t you see?”
Huang continues to smile his usual, constantly maintained smile. “Come, child. Bhante Patrul is preparing an excellent supper for us tonight. I assure you that you would not want to miss it.”
Audrey kicks at the snow, grumbling for a few seconds before plodding along toward the temple, cleaning her boots on the mat by the door, and following Huang inside.
Orphaned as an infant, Audrey was collectively raised by the four monks residing in the Heart of Eya temple. She, like all other wards of the temple, was granted the surname “Redheart” in honor of the local Overseer, a tradition kept alive for many generations. Her days are spent attending schooling, both with her peers and privately, and assisting with upkeep of the temple in her downtime. This is how Audrey Redheart lived her life, and how her life would proceed for the foreseeable future.
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Audrey is thirteen years old. Through her private lessons at the Temple and her continuously honed athletic ability, she only continues to shoot further and further ahead of her peers. As this continues, she realizes that the manner in which she is received by her peers just isn’t the same as it used to be.
Whereas various students used to request Audrey’s assistance with schoolwork (she would be more than happy to give them that help, provided they would sneak her a snack the following day), now whenever Audrey would proudly declare the answer to a difficult question, she would only be met with slight murmuring from the class, coupled with the occasional rolling of eyes.
Whereas their ball games used to be filled with friendly, joyous competition, players on the team opposing Audrey only seemed to get bored or discouraged more quickly, many even choosing to leave for home significantly earlier than they would have years ago as younger children.
She is still hungry for recognition and wishes to prove herself to her caretakers in particular, hence her intensive self-discipline, but her enthusiastic optimism from her earlier years could only carry her so far. Audrey had always been able to quickly bounce back from the disappointment of the monks’ apparent lack of interest in her Eya-granted gifts, but the harder she tries, to seemingly no avail, the more frustrated she becomes.
It is one of these frustrated moods in which Audrey is currently left with; lessons had just concluded for the day and enough of the children had gone home immediately that the temple yard went entirely unused, forgoing the usual ball game. As a result Audrey lounges, bored, stewing, casually tossing the ball to herself.
“Now this is certainly unlike you, child.” Audrey looks up, startled, to see the large figure of Kenneth, a normally welcome face. “You aren’t feeling ill, are you? Usually at this time of day, you couldn’t calm yourself if you tried!” Audrey huffs, exasperated.
Audrey had always liked Kenneth. He’d always seemed to be the most down-to-earth of the monks and would always speak up to be the voice of reason whenever any bickering would occur between the various children of the village. This time, however, his presence only served as an irritating reminder of the acknowledgement she still had yet to receive. Despite Kenneth’s usually calming aura, Audrey would be quite unable to swallow her feelings of disappointment.
“Aw, you know how it is, Ajahn Kenneth. I’m just way too good for them to keep up with me. I totally cleaned up during lessons, answering all of Sayadaw Bhami’s questions without a problem, and after my CRAZY playing after last week’s lessons, I’m pretty sure I scared everyone else. I mean you totally saw me, didn’t you, Ajahn Kenneth? Didn’t you?”
Audrey would generally never be this direct in fishing for compliments from anyone, but her current mood just refused to let her stay content with how things had been. In the future, she would look back on this conversation and cringe at how needy she must have sounded, but right now, all she was focusing on was Kenneth, eagerly awaiting his response. All she needed was a compliment. Just one. Even just a single hint from any of the monks that she stood apart from the rest of the children in their eyes would satiate her.
Kenneth finally responds with a somber smile and a quiet chuckle as he shakes his head. “Oh, my dear child...I was hopeful that you would have grown out of this by now.”
Audrey’s heart sinks. “Grown out…? Out of what, exactly? What do you mean, Ajahn Kenneth?”
“You are a very determined, talented, studious girl. Of course we are aware of this. And that is exactly why it saddens me to see you wasting your efforts on this attention-seeking behavior,” Kenneth states.
Audrey’s heart sinks further, she stares at the floor, downcast as her eyes begin to well up with tears. “What do you mean, wasting my efforts? I’m doing everything you’ve expected me to do for YEARS, and I’m doing GREAT at it! Isn’t that a good thing?”
Kenneth places a large hand on Audrey’s shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze. “Your performance has been superb, but your desire for excellence is for all the wrong reasons.” Kenneth clarifies. “You are seeking to excel for the recognition of others, when you should be seeking excellence...for Eya.”
“For...Eya?” Audrey questions.
“Indeed, my child. You must have realized from our private lessons with you that we intend for you to one day join our ranks here in the Heart of Eya Temple! Anyone can aim high and excel, but only among us, I feel, that you could be extraordinary!”
“Extraordinary…?” Audrey murmurs to herself.
Kenneth removes his hand from Audrey’s shoulder. “Think on it, my child. Your gifts are not meant to be squandered. Should you accept my suggestion, we may begin the process immediately. Your studies will become more difficult as a result, but I am confident you could handle it.”
“Extraordinary…” Audrey repeats again to herself.
Could it be? Had she truly been this misguided in her life this whole time? She had never considered Monkhood before and even throughout her private lessons, it had not occurred to her that the monks had intended for her to join their ranks. If she were to pursue this, she would achieve everything she had wanted. More, even. She would not simply be recognized by her caretakers, she would be on equal standing with them.
Audrey pondered the possibilities for a while longer, and eventually held her hands together and closed her eyes in the prayer position she had been taught as a toddler. “Goddess Eya...” she begins. “Through my efforts and...your guidance I guess, I’ve been given a chance to finally be someone special.” Audrey smirks, her eyes still closed, her hands still held together. “I guess you’re gonna be hearing a lot more from me from now on, huh? See you ‘round, or whatever.”
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“This is a fruitless endeavor, acolyte. Even now, you still insist on this selfish line of thinking? I thought we had finally gotten through to you and calmed that raging ego of yours. Eya shall someday end this universe and replace it with a new one. This childish yearning to ‘leave a mark’ is but a waste.”
“Well PARDON me, Sayadaw Bhami, I guess I’m just running short on nihilism fumes today. Thanks for all the memories and all that crap, but I’m done being scammed. I will NOT be a footnote on this rock.”
“The goddess Eya could decide to end the universe next week, even.”
“Then I guess I’ve got my work cut out for me.”
“She could decide to end it tomorrow.”
“Then at least I know who’s been holding me back.”
Audrey is sixteen years old the day she chooses to leave her village. Her robes are too big for her and refuse to let her go even a single day without tripping. She is one year of studies away from being formally accepted as a proper monk in the Heart of Eya Temple as she takes a brief stroll through the village she has called home for as long as she remembers.
She glances out to the field where she and her peers would play their makeshift ballgames and realizes they are just as adept as Audrey was when she would play with them. Kept busy by her studies, Audrey has not joined them in a long time.
A dangerous thought crosses her mind: “What am I DOING?” Who set this life in motion for Audrey Redheart? Was it Audrey herself? The monks? Would she have chosen this life for herself?
She takes one more glance out on the field, her contented peers at play, their lives going on without her. She quickly turns to avert her eyes as her feet snag on the bottom of her robes as she tumbles down into the snow like a clumsy seal.
“I can’t,” Audrey laments. “Not for one more day.”
After a heated exchange with her now-former teacher Bhami, she packs her bags and doesn’t look back. She does not say a single word to Kenneth as she departs. It is the only time she has ever seen him not smiling.
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Audrey Redheart is twenty-two years old. The Tatango sun beats down on her as she shuffles a crate into place on a pallet to be loaded on the next outbound ship. “Sheesh, I’m REALLY not built for this place,” Audrey grumbles as she stretches her back, feeling a relieving POP. Growing up in the mountains, the Tatango heat was NOT being kind.
Over the past several years, Audrey travelled the world aimlessly, working the odd job here and there. Gardening in Xiatian, she quickly learned, was far too serene and boring to get anywhere. Factory work in Chismest was an enjoyable diversion, even proudly progressing to a “Level 10: Ace in the Coal” employee, though the illusion quickly dissipated when she realized the titles were purely cosmetic and did not correspond to any pay increase or benefit of any kind. She now whittles away her days loading cargo into sea vessels, feeling no closer to any acclaim or recognition than she did the day she left her village.
The end-of-day horn blares as Audrey returns to a small dormitory supplied as part of her job, a convenient benefit and reminder of the only reason she’s stayed here this long, already having sold off most of the possessions she initially left with in order to make ends meet and cover any travel costs.
Audrey opens the door, downtrodden, as she is once again greeted by a mostly empty room containing a single bed and some bare essentials. “So this is what the life of a vagrant amounts to, huh?” Audrey muses as she collapses into her bed face down, still sweating from the unreasonable ambient temperature.
“I’m quitting tomorrow. Can’t just keep standing still here,” Audrey grumbles, muffled by the bed beneath her. If nothing else, there’s a port in Delphi looking for work. She’s good enough at her job (naturally) to have no problem landing a gig. At least it would be COOLER there.
After packing the few belongings she has left, feeling smaller and more invisible than ever before, she gives in to her exhaustion and dozes off.
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…………
In her next moment of awareness, Audrey Redheart stands at the base of a marble staircase, magenta clouds drifting just above her as the sky is lit up around her by shooting stars.
In the distance, she sees a glint of metal, a faintly glowing sword embedded in the ground. The girl made of rainbows watches from afar.