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With a sniffle, he pulled over on the side of the road. Turning the key, Jacks truck came to an abrupt stop. He was a few miles away from home and his darlin' Laureen, pretty much in the middle of nowhere. He sat there for a good while, staring ahead. It was a good thing this route wasnt used often, or other folk may have caught sight of him by now.
His sinuses were burning with that tingly, emotional feeling. Why did he feel like this? Was he really turning into a sissy? A fucking faggot? They kill people like that. Was he gonna get killed? And what about Ennis? If Ennis even liked boys, i mean, he couldve just been messing with him the whole time. Maybe he had a plan to rat him out and get his face bashed in like all the others.
Raising a hand, Jack rubbed at his eyes, trying to rid of the sheen that began to coat them. God, he was so stupid. Why would he go and act all excited to see him like that infront of Ennis' children, his two little girls? A twisting feeling in his gut was making him nauseous. He shouldnt be feeling this way. This 'love' or whatever the fuck it was.
His brows knitted together, mouth curling into a frown. The man let out a hiccuping sob, eyes nailing shut as tears started to flow. Jack felt like a little boy again, crying for his mama after a nightmare. This felt like a nightmare, his whole life did. He wanted Ennis so bad, why did he have to feel this way? He felt disgusting. He wanted to vomit whenever he had thoughts like that. Maybe shove a bible down his throat, brand a cross into his skin.
His body shook with each sob, his face pink and wet. Head in his hands, doubled over and leaning against the steering wheel. Why did it have to be him? Bet God didnt even like him that much if hes making him go through all this bullshit. Cursed to feel disgusting all his life, as some sort of punishment. God knew that he'd turn out to be a sinner and wreck the marriages of others, so he got to work early.
All those warm feelings he'd get when talking to a good looking fella. It wasnt natural. What did he do to get on the lords bad side? He exists just like everybody else. He prays every night, he doesnt want to feel like this, so why did it have to be him? Jack would dedicate his whole life to worshipping God if he would never feel this way again. He just wanted to be normal.