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1.
On the day Albedo moves into the dorms there’s a beautiful boy with blue hair sitting by the kitchen island. A massive pair of headphones adorn his neck and he is tapping away on his phone. He looks up when Albedo enters and smiles so widely that Albedo is stunned in place.
“I guess we’ll be living together,” he says.
2.
Albedo is eighteen when he meets Kaeya Alberich for the first time.
3.
It’s two am when Albedo stumbles into the kitchen. Kaeya is eating takeout pizza and doesn’t comment on the late hour. Albedo checks his side of the fridge but it’s empty and he stands there, awkward, until Kaeya offers him a slice. Albedo accepts it. They eat in silence.
4.
Kaeya knocks on his door, asking if Albedo knows how to iron a dress shirt.
Albedo burns the hem. Kaeya laughs at him while Albedo flushes red.
Kaeya says thank you, after. I’ll just tuck it in, no one will notice.
5.
Kaeya knocks on his door, saying that he’s going on a grocery run, does Albedo want to come with?
6.
Albedo makes breakfast for them. Kaeya is at the kitchen island, swinging his legs, hair messy and sleep clothes rumpled, humming a tune under his breath.
7.
Kaeya steps into their flat, drunk. He’s in Albedo’s personal space, leaning on him, talking directly in his ear, pressing their bodies together.
He says Albedo is beautiful. Albedo pretends he doesn’t hear.
8.
They are on a beach.
Albedo is annoyed, but he won’t say it. There’s sand between his toes and his shirt sticks to his back. He can feel the sunscreen he lathered on and he desperately wants to wash it off.
But Kaeya is dancing in the ocean, whooping loudly every time a wave crashes against his legs. He keeps falling into the water and his hair is drenched but his laughter has never faded.
Albedo thinks of sirens and their song, of their ability to draw men to their deaths, of knowing danger is coming and still pressing forward, and when Kaeya laughs he thinks he understands.
9.
Kaeya invites him to a house party. Albedo sees him, arms around a girl with short wine-coloured hair, barely any space between them, and Albedo quietly leaves.
where were u?!?!?!!
Sorry, I was tired.
10.
Kaeya is asleep on the grass. It’s the middle of coursework season and there are bags under his eyes. He’s more muted, his skin dull. He’s confided in Albedo that he is so scared, more scared than he’s ever been, and Albedo feels so helpless. He wants to take all his worries and crush them between his hands.
Now, all he can do is stroke Kaeya’s hair away from his face. He’ll give him a few minutes before waking him up.
11.
Albedo wants to ask, sometimes. What they are. What they are doing. He never does. It’s as fragile as a bubble, and Albedo cannot afford for it to burst.
12.
Albedo doesn’t leave his bed all day. When he finally opens the door there’s a delivery bag on the floor, an obnoxiously neon green post-it note attached.
Hope you feel better xxx
Albedo stashes the note in his desk drawer.
13.
A conversation, witnessed only by the ceiling of a rundown university dorm room.
Hands, intertwined. A blanket above their heads, covering them both, and it's stuffy and a little hard to breathe but Albedo doesn’t care.
Kaeya’s breathing, right by his ear. Someone’s heart is pounding.
When Kaeya whispers it’s so low Albedo thinks he wasn’t meant to hear.
“I hope this lasts forever.”
Albedo pretends to be asleep.
14.
And then. The bubble bursts. Kaeya is gone. Albedo does not understand.
15.
His bedroom is cleared. He is not answering his texts. His side of the fridge is empty.
Albedo opens their chat history, types, Are you okay?, deletes it, types, Where are you?, deletes, types, please come back im sorry, deletes, closes the app, locks his phone. Slips it into his pocket.
16.
Life moves on.
17.
Albedo goes to class. He does not go to class. He goes to class. He writes his end-of-year exams. He goes home. He does not hear from Kaeya.
18.
Albedo moves into a studio apartment. He goes to class. He befriends a quiet girl named Sucrose, with big eyes and mint green hair and a passion for knowledge that echoes his. They study together in a library with big windows and barely any other students. He joins a cooking class. He thinks about Kaeya. He has sex for the first time. He writes his end-of-year exams and goes home. He does not hear from Kaeya.
19.
Albedo rooms with Sucrose in his final year. He meets Rosaria, the girl from the house party, and feels unbelievably silly when she starts dating Sucrose.
He goes hiking for the first time and at the top of the hill he looks over at the expanse of green-blue-concrete and feels so very small. He breathes in the universe and lets it settle inside of him.
He thinks of Kaeya. It’s not so painful, this time.
20.
Albedo is nineteen when Kaeya Alberich disappears without a word.
He is twenty-one when he graduates, twenty-one when he moves back in with Rhinedottir. Twenty-three, when he leaves her house for the last time.
(He has to stay with Sucrose and Rosaria for a bit. He tells them about her. After a while, he tells them about Kaeya. He cries, and they hold him, and he is safe.)
Albedo still has the obnoxiously neon green sticky note, now tucked into the front sleeve of his wallet.
Life moves on.
21.
At twenty-six he gets a text from Sucrose saying she’s organising an informal five-year reunion. She hopes he can attend. He RSVPs yes.
At twenty-six he meets Kaeya Alberich again.
22.
On the day Albedo steps into the bar that Sucrose chose for their get-together, thirty minutes early, suffocating underneath the buttoned-up shirt he bought solely for the occasion, he sees Kaeya Alberich for the first time in seven years and almost turns around. But then Kaeya sees him and smiles and Albedo is eighteen again and a beautiful boy with blue hair is calling his name.
So Albedo stays.
23.
Albedo has imagined this moment many times. Played out dozens of scenarios: what would he say, how would he say it? Would he be angry? Yell at Kaeya for disappearing and leaving him alone? Would he tell him how painful those first few months were, how Albedo has never felt more betrayed, more alone, in his life?
Would he tell him how much he needed him when he finally left Rhinedottir?
He has so much he could say.
24.
Instead he asks, “What happened?”
Kaeya tells him he got a call from Diluc that his father had died. That he needed to get home as soon as possible to help deal with the funeral and the transfer of assets because Crepus did not draw up a will beforehand. That Diluc needed him.
(Who was there for you, Albedo doesn’t ask.)
So Kaeya took a leave of absence that he kept extending and extending and eventually he didn't have enough credits to graduate so he quit the course altogether. It’s not like he was particularly excited about his degree.
He’s fine now, he says. He went back to university, got a degree in fashion, a master's in business management, and has a somewhat successful clothing line. He’s happy.
And all Albedo thinks is, “You could have told me,” and, “I wish you told me,” and “Did you not trust me enough,” but it’s been seven years and there’s a piece of the universe in his chest so he says, “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
25.
He never let himself imagine saying “I miss you.”
26.
The evening passes. Shared drinks, shared stories, shared memories.
How different they all are.
(Sucrose and Rosaria are getting married and he’s overjoyed. It’s been a delight watching their relationship blossom into what it is now. He is happy for them.)
How familiar Kaya is, yet not. Different haircut, different perfume, but Albedo still recognises the shape of his hands, the lines they make in the air as he speaks. Still the same penchant for storytelling, the same lilt in his voice when he teases, but Albedo doesn’t recognise the comfortable certainty that Kaeya now sits in. A maturity. A greater assuredness of self.
Albedo wonders if he himself has changed that much. He wonders what Kaeya thinks of him.
27.
Albedo pulls Sucrose to the side.
“How?”
She smiles sheepishly. “Rosaria. They’re still friends and she must have mentioned this to him because he insisted on coming. I’m sorry, I should have asked you, I know, but he convinced me not to say anything and it’s been a while so I thought it’d be good for you—”
“It’s okay. I’m not mad. Just surprised, that’s all.”
“Oh that’s so relieving to hear. I’ve been panicking about it all night.” She stops herself and peers at him. “Are you okay, though?”
“Yes.”
And he thinks he means it.
28.
They linger when everyone else leaves, an unspoken agreement between them. Seven years and they’re still able to do that. Some things stay the same.
Albedo likes to think he’s changed, too.
He gathers the universe, takes a deep breath and says, “I think I was in love with you. I’m sorry for not saying it before. Would you like to try again?”
Kaeya blinks. And blinks. Albedo could laugh at the shock on his face.
Kaeya says, “Um. Ah. Yes. I’d like that very much.”
29.
Albedo is twenty-six years old when he kisses the beautiful boy for the first time.
End.