Work Text:
The acrid smell of medicine filled Haurchine's nose as she walked into Dawn’s Respite, the medical wing of the Scion headquarters. The warm comforting glow of the lights did nothing to ease the shivers down her spine when she heard the ominous click of a door locking behind her.
She wasn’t sure what Y’shtola wanted to talk to her about, or why it required the privacy of a locked room, but one thing was certain: it filled her with a sense of dread unlike any she had known before. Her fear wasn’t born of something tangible, or life threatening, and despite it her flight or fight instincts were attempting to kick in, yelling at her to get the fuck out. She was in danger.
Only a few days had passed since the Scions had woken up in the safety of that room, their souls finally, finally reunited with their bodies. It had been a joyous time for them all, only slightly marred by what they had been forced to leave behind on the First. For some of them it was friends. For others, family. Despite what they had lost, having the Scions back and whole had been a huge relief.
There was a table in the middle of the room, perfect for studying, or in their case, a quiet conversation. Low curtains obscured the view of the beds on the other side of the room, allowing for privacy for potential patients. Right now, only the two of them occupied the room.
Haurchine pulled out a chair for Y’shtola and took a seat on the other side of the table. She couldn’t stop herself from sneaking a peek at the miqo’te out of the corner of her eye and quickly averting her gaze, her nerves making it impossible to look at the other woman for too long. When Y’shtola had asked for a word with her she hadn’t seemed worried or angry, but… there had been something in those eyes, blind though they were, that had made Haurchine’s stomach cramp.
It was baffling how on edge Y’shtola could make her feel, considering how desperately in love she was with her. In all fairness, she supposed the nerves were mostly because of that love. Keeping it a secret from the sharp woman took most of Haurchine's concentration; she was simply that damn gone for her. She was so crazy in love it made her look stupid, and keeping it from her was so, so painful.
But she had to. She had to keep it a secret. Haurchine couldn’t bear the idea of losing Y’shtola’s respect, or being shot down like that idiot Magnai, brutally and mercilessly. Her heart wouldn’t be able to take it, already beaten, bruised and vulnerable as it was. Y’shtola had slipped past all the defenses she had spent years building, and had managed to get inside her walls. Those walls were now crumbling under overwhelming feelings of love and devotion, giving Y’shtola a perfect chance to deal a finishing blow.
Much to Haurchine’s surprise, Y’shtola walked right past the chair that she had pulled out for her, and instead walked right up to her and perched her backside on the table, arms crossed as she considered her with an inscrutable expression. It was nerve-wracking, cold sweat pricking at Haurchine’s hairline.
“You, uh, you wished to talk?” Haurchine asked hesitantly, desperate to break the tension.
Y’shtola replied with a hum.
Then, silence. Blasted, unbearable silence that further frayed Haurchine’s already suffering nerves. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she spoke.
“For quite some time now, I have been observing certain… hmm.” She paused, idly tapping her cheek with her knuckles as she considered her words. “ Peculiarities , shall we say, in your behavior.”
Haurchine’s heart leapt into her throat. Oh. Oh no. This couldn’t be…
“I wasn’t quite certain what to make of it, at first. I did consider the possibility that it was merely my mind playing tricks on me. After all, it had been quite a while since I had last seen you, or spoken with you.” Y’shtola’s tail rested on the table, the end hanging off the edge and swaying softly. Haurchine couldn’t tear her eyes off it, the movement downright hypnotic, even as anxiety grew inside her with every word.
“However, after our reunion on the First, as we began to spend more time together once again, I noticed those little peculiarities becoming much more pronounced. Like the way you moved around me. Staying near, until something seemed to startle you and you pulled away like a frightened chocobo. The way you sounded, for another. There was a stammer in your voice and a catch in your breath whenever I touched you…” Y’shtola’s eyes were piercing on Haurchine, who was now gripping her knees with sweaty hands, pure panic rising within her.
“The way you let your own touch linger, whenever you had reason to reach for me.”
This was it; Haurchine’s worst fears come true. She tried to keep her breath steady, but it was difficult, her body screaming for more air as her heart tried to beat out of her chest in rampant panic. Y’shtola would surely want nothing to do with her; she’d tell her she was disgusting. Worthless. Useless.
“Now, I won’t be so presumptuous as to assume without solid proof that my hypothesis of your behavior is correct without confirmation from you. Nevertheless, I did conduct little experiments, and my own observations, paired with witness accounts, heavily suggest that my theory has some merit.”
Witness accounts. Fuck. Which one of the Scions had gone blabbing?! They had no right to tell Y’shtola anything, especially after she had begged them to keep their godsdamned mouths shut! It didn’t matter that her feelings were clear as day in everything she did. It was her choice whether to tell Y’shtola or not!
Haurchine shifted on the chair, breath shaky, as Y’shtola placed one hand on the table and leaned closer to her, her expression grave.
“Thus I have come to you, Haurchine. I would like to know the truth from your lips, as you are my friend and I respect you. And I should hope that you respect me and trust me enough to share, rather than forcing me to make guesses.”
Haurchine’s brain was full of static; she felt like vomiting, her fear a heavy rock in the pit of her stomach. Please don’t say it. Please. Please don’t.
“I can think of only one reason that could explain all of the changes in your behavior, and that is… that you have developed feelings for me.”
The silence that followed was so deafening Haurchine could hear the blood rushing in her ears. It was a miracle that Y’shtola sharp miqo’te senses didn’t catch the sound of her galloping heart.
“I…” Haurchine stared at Y’shtola, pale, her hands clammy and numb. The edges of her vision dimmed, blurry and fuzzy. The warm glow of the Dawn’s Respite darkened until Y’shtola was all she could see. Y’shtola’s milky eyes were like diamonds in the low light, hard and determined, as they pinned Haurchine down in place. She wanted answers, and… Haurchine couldn’t give them.
Haurchine shoved her chair back with a loud clatter and stood in a hurry, startling Y’shtola in the process, her ears pinned back.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, voice quaking. “I don’t… I don’t know what you think you’ve seen, but you’re…” wrong . She wanted to say Y’shtola was wrong, desperate to throw her off the scent.
But she wasn’t, was she? Even deep in her irrational terror and despair, Haurchine simply couldn’t lie to her. Her entire being rebelled at the thought, wanting to throw herself at Y’shtola’s mercy, yet she also couldn’t admit to it, couldn’t let her know. Y’shtola was too close to the truth. Dangerously so. Her heart would shatter if she had to hear a rejection from the woman she loved. She would rather live in a fantasy, where there was still a faint glimmer of delusional hope for what could be.
Haurchine retreated to the back of the room, wrapping her arms around herself and taking deep breaths to try and stave off the overwhelming anxiety that filled her lungs and made her choke with each breath. It squeezed her throat and chest, her entire body crawling as her every instinct screamed at her to flee as fast as she could. She couldn’t protect herself from this.
Run.
“Wrong?” Y’shtola finished her sentence for her. “Am I? Then tell me, Haurchine Greystone. What is the reasoning behind your strange behavior? Am I to understand that the way you react to me is mere happenstance?” Y’shtola approached her slowly, prowling , her arms crossed. She stopped at a reasonable distance, however, and allowed her some much-needed breathing space. Haurchine could see her tail twitching with what she imagined to be irritation. It would have been cute, had it not been for the whole damn situation she found herself in, put on the spot with little avenue for escape.
“‘Tis passing strange, no?” Y’shtola continued, "This is not the Haurchine of my past experiences, and all other explanations are woefully lacking upon examination. You've answers I seek, ones I should like to hear."
A sob built in Haurchine’s throat, trying to escape past gritted teeth. Y’shtola was right, of course. Fully, completely right. It was clear that she knew what had been building in Haurchine’s heart this entire time, despite her attempts at keeping it all from her. But admitting to it? To her, no less? It seemed like an impossible hurdle, the crushing fear of rejection choking her.
Everyone who knew kept telling her she should trust Y’shtola, saying that she wouldn’t be cruel if–when–she turned her down, but her experiences had taught her that showing such vulnerability to someone would only lead to being stabbed right in the heart. It wasn’t a logical, rational feeling; nothing she knew about Y’shtola implied that she would hurt her like that, yet she simply could not get past the irrational terror that filled her.
She shouldn't cry. She shouldn't show weakness, shouldn't show how affected she was by this. Barely suppressing her sniffs, Haurchine looked up just in time to see a deep frown knit Y'shtola's brow, immediately smoothed into... soft concern? The miqo'te carefully stepped closer, one measured step at a time, until she was at Haurchine's side and could gently rest a hand on her arm.
Haurchine trembled, her entire lanky frame shaking pitifully in the midst of her panic.
“Haurchine,” she softly implored, “Whatever is causing you such distress, how would forgiveness find me if I were to allow you to continue suffering so, especially if indeed I am the source of your torment.”
Shoulders slumped, Haurchine shook her head. Y’shtola carefully brushed aside the bangs hiding Haurchine’s face from her, eyes glistening with unshed tears that she barely held back. Y’shtola’s voice was tinged with worry, and the thought warmed Haurchine, but still… It felt like too much.
“I’m afraid. I’m just… so afraid.” Her voice was quiet and broken.
Y’shtola tilted her head, a soft look on her face as she observed the woman before her. The way Haurchine held herself, the obvious fear in her voice and how emotional she was… She squeezed Haurchine’s arm lightly.
“What is it you fear so? Me? Whatever reason could the Warrior of Light have to fear me?”
Haurchine gritted her teeth, ears tilting down at a sharp angle with a tiny clink of her earcuffs. She struggled as the inevitable gnawed at her from within. It was only a matter of time before the entirety of the truth was exposed, and then would come harm that truth would do.
“Because you could hurt me.” Y’shtola’s eyes widened at this declaration, but she kept silent, simply holding her hand on Haurchine’s arm. “You could destroy me. If you knew…” Haurchine bit into her lip with nearly enough force to draw blood. “I’m so afraid of losing what I have now. Your respect. Your friendship. I might hurt now, but you could make it so much worse. And I’m too much of a coward to take that chance.”
A sob finally tore free, Haurchine's body shaking as she brought her arms tighter to her body and held herself so harshly that her nails dug into her skin.
Y’shtola leaned forward, leaving mere ilms between their bodies as she reached up. Her palm found Haurchine's cheek, cupping her skin gently in a touch that was soft and so very warm. It drew a sharp gasp from Haurchine, her breath shaky as she looked down at the shorter woman with teary, shocked eyes.
“Oh Haurchine. You’re sweet, but you have misunderstood the point by a malm.To tell me what is in your heart will not cost my friendship, in this world nor any other. In truth, I find myself somewhat offended at the notion you would think such a thing was a possibility," Y'shtola said, a fond smile warring with the concern on her face.
Haurchine swallowed. Y'shtola's thumb was caressing her cheek as the miqo'te sought to calm her, but the elezen found herself barely resisting the urge to nuzzle into the soothing hand. It sent tremors to her very core, burrowing through what defenses remained.
" Please . I swear to you that nothing you say will diminish my opinion of you, nor my respect for you. Stop jailing this within and trust in me."
Tears escaped to trail down Haurchine's cheek, her chest rising with a deep, shaky breath. She grasped at Y’shtola’s hand on her cheek and clung to it like a lifeline, turning her face to press against it with a sob. She was breaking , crumbling into pieces, that warm touch the only thing that seemed to hold her together.
“...I love you.”
Haurchine could hear Y’shtola’s breath catch, but she didn’t dare open her eyes to see what reaction might appear on the woman’s face. The hand on her face stayed steady and the gentle stroke of the thumb did not cease its consoling brush across her cheek. The fear choking her remained, but with the words said, more kept tumbling out of her mouth as if a dam had been broken.
“I love you so fucking much . Truly. Madly. Deeply. I tried to stop, I did. I knew I never had a chance in hell.” Saying it hurt, the truth stabbing at her already bleeding heart. “Someone like you interested in someone like me? How fucking arrogant could I get?” She gave a soft, bitter laugh. “I never meant for you to know, I didn’t want to… I was just hoping it would pass so I could go on with my life like before. But I couldn’t.” Haurchine opened her puffy, red eyes, hesitating a glance at Y’shtola, the expression on the miqo’te’s face a mystery she wasn’t able to puzzle out.
“I fell in love with your towering intellect. Your sharp wit. Your kind heart.” She lifted her hand and brought it close to Y’shtola’s face, craving to touch her as longing radiated from every inch of her. “Your devastating beauty.”
Yet at the last moment she withdrew and pulled away from her, completely separating them and retreating several steps away. Haurchine ignored a vexed groan from Y'shtola, collapsing against the wall and sliding down to the ground to cradle her knees to her chest. She wiped away uselessly at the tears now falling freely across her cheeks.
“People tried to tell me I should confess but I didn’t see the point. I knew it wouldn’t do any good. What were the odds you were even into women, and besides, it was too late anyway. There’s…” Bitterness flowed through her, her teeth grinding together. “There’s Runar.” The jealousy, that ridiculous jealousy, threatened to turn her voice into a growl at his name, but she bit it back. He didn't deserve that, nor did Y'shtola need to know of such childish anger toward the hrothgar.
“How could I ever measure up to a man you’d find a way to travel the rift between worlds for?”
The words hung heavy in the air, the only sounds in the room for the next few moments her heavy breathing and sniffling. She hung her head, not daring to face Y’shtola. Gods. That was it. It was over. She knew what was coming. Y’shtola would be infinitely kind, nice and apologetic, and crush her heart into a million little pieces with her gentle rejection.
The sound of a footstep reached her ears. Another followed. Soon after Haurchine saw Y’shtola lowering herself to the floor right next to her from the corner of her eye. Her whole body tensed up, like expecting a physical blow. Being hit would be so much less painful than losing the last tiny glimmer of hope that she had uselessly entertained in her heart.
“Haurchine. Please look at me, then pray listen to what I must say,” Y’shtola said, placing her hand on the elezen’s shoulder. She bore a serious expression, a small wrinkle creasing her furrowed brow.
Haurchine hesitated, wanting to avoid what was to come, but in the end she lifted her head, her ears pulled back in fear.
“First of all, thank you for letting me know what is in your heart. I can tell it was very difficult for you. Indeed, I apologize for having to put you in such a painful position. It is however the inescapable truth, one of which we are both cognizant, that you would have simply suffered to let it fester, otherwise." Y'shtola took in a slow breath, then sighed. "I believe that would have truly been the worst course to take.”
Haurchine all the more tightly clung to herself, trying to stay calm and not to hyperventilate. All that was missing was the final blow that would destroy her. Why did she have to be so weak?! So fucking weak, letting these emotions take hold of her.
Y’shtola took a deep breath and leaned in closely, keeping her eyes firmly on her.
“Now… with all my heart… You are a downright idiot , Haurchine Greystone.”
Haurchine flinched, swallowing down a pathetic whimper. She had hoped that Y’shtola’s rejection wouldn’t be too harsh, but it seemed even the Warrior of Light wasn’t safe from her sharp tongue. She cowered like a kicked puppy, just waiting for more punishment.
Y’shtola shook her head and pursed her lips in annoyance.
“Your understanding of yourself and how others perceive you is absolutely incomprehensible to me. Interested in someone like yourself?” she huffed, visibly perturbed. "Indeed, is it so deeply difficult to imagine having interest in one both brave and strong, bearing a kind heart veiled by cocksure attitude? How could one find entrancing a soul who interjects herself between the dangers that lash out and the innocents upon whom they would fall? One who bears cleverness and wit?"
Y’shtola let out an exasperated huff.
“You do not, perhaps cannot yet see what I see, and that which I see is a truly beautiful, radiant soul. Anyone would be possessed of the Twelve’s own luck to have you by their side, but somehow here we stand, your bizarre belief that you are somehow lesser than you are both infuriating and a tragedy!”
Haurchine eyes flew open in shock.
Y'shtola's ears flicked in irritation and her tail twitched about in staccato swishes behind her, even as Haurchine felt her cheeks light up under the unforeseen praise woven in with the chastisement. It was a distraction she had to shove down and leave unexamined for the moment, that praise, as she felt a twinge of response somewhere within.
It was also completely unexpected. She shuffled her feet awkwardly but did not dare avert her eyes, particularly under the clear frustration in Y'shtola's pale eyes.
"And Runar. Oh, Runar, I am fond of him, yes, but as I am of all of the Night's Blessed. I've no idea where you conceived of the absolutely ridiculous notion that my feelings for him were beyond that of kin. I can hardly deny my desire to traverse the rift, after all I have stated it clearly more than once, but venturing to the First will grant me more opportunity to seek the forests' and ruins' hidden secrets, and to see those who are like kin to me once more," Y'shtola explained. She brushed her skirt aside as she spoke, settling to comfortably sit before her on the floor while never relenting in the gaze that pinned Haurchine in place.
Haurchine’s jaw dropped a little, before she closed her mouth with an audible click. Hesitantly, she wiped at her wet cheek with the back of her hand.
“But… he loves you too, doesn’t he? It’s so obvious.” The depth of his love shone in everything he did… though she supposed she was much the same, if her friends were to be believed. She had completely failed to keep her feelings a secret from them. She had failed to keep them a secret from Y’shtola.
Y’shtola crossed her arms, fingers tapping at her bicep as her fierce gaze continued to burn into Haurchine.
“I fail to see how Runar’s supposed feelings should affect how I feel towards him whatsoever. You would do well to cease assuming my feelings in the first place. Especially since after giving it some serious thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that I would be most amenable to seeing where we might end up together .”
Haurchine gawked at Y’shtola, every single one of her brain cells screeching to a halt and deciding to quit all functionality at that very moment.
“...Wah…?”
Y’shtola released a deep, heartfelt sigh, but a small smile had appeared to tug at her lips.
“Only the Twelve could fathom why, when you insist on being so obtuse. I am feeling rather merciful though, and will forgive you.” Her words were given as if a haughty judgment, though there was a hint of weariness in the decree. “You can count your lucky stars that I find the brilliant shine of your soul appealing and the delightful wiggle of your ears both endearing and charming enough to overlook your unfortunate lapse in judgment in this.”
The admonition having faded into a gentle compliment, Y'shtola ended with a lighthearted wink that sent Haurchine's mind spiraling even further into bewilderment. What was she saying? Together? Endearing? What? Nothing made any sense anymore. Haurchine could only stare at her with her mouth hanging open in stunned silence.
Y’shtola took Haurchine’s hand very carefully between hers, a firm and gentle hold to steady the light trembling.
“I must admit that the idea of a relationship with anybody has been very far from my thoughts. It has never been a priority for me, you understand,” she explained. “Along the same lines, a relationship with you has never really crossed my mind either." She halted as she noticed how Haurchine’s breath caught and her eyes went wide as Y’shtola’s words started to sink in. Y’shtola gave a reassuring squeeze of the hand she had taken.
“Not that there has been an absence of attraction, either. T’would be a lie if I said such was the case. You are an extraordinary person, Haurchine Greystone, and I’d have to be quite the fool to be blind to that .” A slight, knowing smirk tugged at the corners of her lips at her word play. “I simply never put much weight into such idle flights of fancy.” Y’shtola paused with a subtle shrug.
The trembling in Haurchine’s limbs grew more pronounced, her entire body tense as her trepidation held her on edge.
It had to be a joke, right? Some cruel joke, where Y’shtola said all these wonderful things to her, and then the rug would get pulled from under Haurchine’s feet and Y’shtola would laugh, telling her that she’d never want Haurchine, that was ridiculous. And yet…
“It would be remiss of me if I did not admit to some reservations, it is true. This could have a profound effect on our working relationship. It has the potential to be a potent distraction, one which neither of us can afford. And,” she continued, but with a slight pause as she drew out the word, “I am wary of the consequences if we should not find ourselves unable to make this manner of bond flourish, or even make it stable. Neither of us are all that experienced in romantic relationships, if I am not terribly mistaken.”
Another brief pause filled the air before Y’shtola’s spoke again.
“However…”
Y’shtola reached out to cup Haurchine’s cheek once more, tenderly brushing away at the trail of tears with her thumb.
“I believe we deserve, both of us, at least the attempt at treading the path to see where this may lead. I deserve to learn if the potential of these feelings of attraction and admiration is truly to grow into something greater, and you deserve the chance to express your own feelings freely, excise the fear of rejection, and to know that the sentiment is not simply appreciated, but accepted.”
A sob broke from Haurchine’s chest as she tried to comprehend the sheer enormity of what Y’shtola was telling her. It wasn’t a joke, was it? This was real. Her love wasn’t being rejected and Y’shtola was willing to attempt a relationship with her.
“Y-you…” Haurchine sniffled. “You’d… with m-me?” Her eyes flicked back and forth with uncertainty as she searched Y’shtola’s face for answers, barely able to speak through her tears.
Y’shtola grasped Haurchine’s hand once more in a firm, reassuring clasp between her own.
“Yes. I wish to explore the chance of something deeper with you. To embark upon a romantic relationship and see where that path leads us. That is…” Y’shtola paused, the words looming as they hung in the air.
Haurchine couldn’t blame her for that, considering the state she was in. A wreck. A disaster. A blubbery mess.
“If,” Y’shtola finally continued, “you yourself are amenable to that course of action.”
Haurchine felt like it was a miracle directly from the Twelve that Y’shtola didn’t flee at the sight of her in such utter disarray. Haurchine had never fallen apart in such a way before her, not even when the Light had almost torn her soul into shreds. Alphinaud and Tataru had seen her at her lowest, but this was a completely different state of affairs. It was her, shattering to pieces as she was compelled to admit and confront her feelings on a level she’d never had the will to face before.
Haurchine brought her hand up just shy of Y’shtola’s face, as she had done before. And, as they had before, her nerves failed her before her fingers could make contact and touch her. She pulled her hand back, ducking her head shyly as she tried to desperately pull herself back together. Y’shtola was surely free to touch her, but what right had she to reciprocate?
“I’d love to,” she muttered, ears drooping and hiding her face behind her hair in shame. “I can’t believe you would even consider…”
Y’shtola tilted her head thoughtfully. Gently, but firmly, she brought Haurchine’s hand up and pressed it against her cheek, leaning her face into it. Haurchine could scarcely breathe as she felt the soft skin under her fingers. To her mind, it was like touching the finest silk.
“You are allowed to touch,” Y’shtola spoke softly, holding the hand to her cheek. She even nuzzled into it a little. “I shall not mind. Indeed, I told you already that you’re quite the catch, and it rends my heart to know you would ever believe otherwise. I want this, Haurchine Greystone. I want to share this with you.”
She turned her head, and while keeping her eyes on Haurchine, placed the tenderest of kisses in the middle of Haurchine’s palm. It was nothing but a warm, light press of her lips, yet the effect on Haurchine was devastating. Through that touch lightning shot up her arm, electrifying every nerve in her body and lancing into her heart. Whatever futile defenses she had remaining to cling to crumbled to dust, leaving her completely at Y’shtola’s mercy.
It was such a simple thing, a chaste press of lips against her palm, shaking her to her core, more deeply than any kiss she’d shared with a lover before. Even though it was clear that Y’shtola didn’t share her feelings, not feelings on the deep, all abiding level at which Haurchine already held them, it was a comfort.
And a promise.
There was more care in that kiss than she had ever felt from anyone, perhaps with the exception of her brother’s demonstrations of familial devotion to her. It was beyond her to process it.
Haurchine surrendered, caressing Y’shtola’s cheek with her thumb in reflection of what the woman had done to her. Her tears fell freely, saturated with gratitude at being given such a chance, to have an opportunity to tread a new path with Y’shtola.
To be given the opportunity to simply love her.
“Thank you,” she managed to choke out, chest heaving from her sobs.
Y’shtola rose to her knees and took Haurchine in a tight hug, gathering her up in her arms. One hand lifted to the back of her head, slowly petting her hair. Under her embrace, Haurchine’s whole body shook with her weeping as she buried her face into her shoulder and clung to her with weak arms.
For the longest time there was no sound aside from Haurchine’s crying, interspersed with shaky breaths. It took her quite a while to calm to only occasional sniffles.
Through it all Y’shtola’s embrace did not cease, the sorceress caressing her with all the patience in the world and offering wordless comfort to the distraught Warrior of Light.
Eventually Haurchine pulled back, crossing her arms across her chest and hanging her head. Y’shtola kept her hand on the elezen’s shoulder, unwilling to relinquish contact while her state was so fragile.
“I’m sorry.” Haurchine’s cheeks felt alight with shame as the words escaped her lips. Gods, leave it to her to absolutely lose it in front of the love of her life. Y’shtola must have been so embarrassed for her.
“What are you apologizing for?”
“For, you know… being a total mess.” Haurchine let out a mirthless laugh. “I should be lucky you don’t decide to give up right at the start, seeing all this.” Her eyes remained averted to avoid the look of pity that surely would be on Y’shtola’s face. She was being absolutely pathetic, her behavior hardly suitable for a Warrior of Light.
A finger hooked under her chin, urging her to lift her gaze with the tender, insistent touch. It was not pity that greeted her.
Instead, it was something warmer, kinder, yet tempered with a generous dash of sadness.
“Oh Haurchine. Before me, I see someone who has received deep injury in her past, someone who is locked in a struggle with vulnerability and fear. For that, I would never judge you, and neither would I judge you for shedding tears when your emotions grow overwhelming. You are allowed to be vulnerable, without fear, and you deserve unconditional support when you are.” With a wan smile, Y’shtola brushed the tips of her fingers along Haurchine’s cheek.
“So please, fear not. Your show of emotions is scarcely enough to frighten me off. Indeed, I am honored you’d allow yourself to be so open with me. It is, quite unexpectedly, endearing.”
Haurchine eyed Y’shtola, scrutinizing her warily. Was it the truth, or was she just trying to make her feel better? In truth, she hardly believed that Y’shtola would lie to her so baldly, but it was hard to break from old ways of thinking, rooted in pain and suspicion that had been etched so deep into her soul.
Y’shtola, however, took her silence as the cautious hesitation it was. An eyebrow lifted as she considered Haurchine, then she smiled with a mischievous curl to her lips. The sight of it made Haurchine’s heart beat faster and her cheeks flush with a light dusting of pink.
“Do you still need some more convincing? Mayhaps I should be insulted that you’re not chomping at the bit to take up my offer; especially when you spoke so lavishly of your feelings for me earlier.”
“O-oh, I don’t-”
“What is it that you require to finally believe my good intentions?” Y’shtola leaned a bit closer, her voice low.
“Perhaps… a kiss?”
“ Hrgh! ” The sound torn from Haurchine startled Y’shtola, the miqo’te pulling back with her eyes going wide as Haurchine nearly choked on her tongue. The poor woman clutched at her chest, face bright red and a wild eyed look of her own falling on the sorceress as she proceeded to almost hyperventilate.
“Heavens forfend… You truly are a disaster,” Y’shtola muttered, shaking her head with a slightly exasperated but fond smile.
Haurchine simply nodded in agreement, trying to calm down her breathing. She was painfully aware of how she must be perceived in the moment.
“Kuh-kiss… hnnh…” The mere idea of Y’shtola’s lips pressing so sweetly against her own, suggested by Y’shtola herself? The anxiety surged within her, the idea an overwhelming step with her emotions already chaotic and unmanageable. It warned her that surely she would fuck it up somehow, and Y’shtola would promptly decide she wasn’t worth the effort if she could not bear a simple kiss .
Contrary to her fears, Y’shtola chuckled and leaned back, squeezing Haurchine’s hand gently to ground her and calm her down.
“Considering the response, perhaps we will leave that for some other time. I had hoped to earn a laugh from you, but clearly it did not come to you as such. I didn’t take into consideration the way you are… Hmmm. Let’s call it emotionally compromised.”
“A fucking mess, you mean,” Haurchine huffed, leaning her head against the wall with closed eyes. She took several deep breaths until she finally felt marginally in control again and not on the verge of a panic attack due to the most beautiful girl in the world suggesting a mere kiss.
Her cheeks still burned when she finally opened her eyes. Y’shtola was watching her, infinitely patient, holding her hand gently. Haurchine’s mind was churning with a million thoughts. What did this mean for them? What was she supposed to do now?
One thought did rise to the surface from the chaotic maelstrom of her brain. Thancred had suggested it. Lulumi had suggested it. She had ignored their advice before, not believing it was a realistic goal in any way, shape or form, but maybe it was the right time…
“Could I…” she started, and then paused, fear seizing her once more. Y’shtola’s ear flicked and she rubbed her thumb against Haurchine’s wrist to soothe her. Doubtlessly, she could feel her pulse going wild.
“Please. You needn’t hesitate. What thought lingers in your mind?”
Haurchine licked her lips nervously, fingers flexing under Y’shtola’s touch.
“C-could I, uh… court you?”
Y’shtola’s eyes widened with surprise. Her entire body perked up as she tilted her head thoughtfully.
The continued slow brush of her fingers across Haurchine’s palm almost gave the elezen heart palpitations.
“You wish to court me?” she asked with an unexpectedly bashful smile.
“I… yes. Yes. I would like to court you. To, uh, to woo you.” Haurchine tucked her hair behind her ear shyly and took Y’shtola’s hand in between hers instead.
“I understand that you’re not… well… you don’t share my feelings.” The thought hurt like hell, rending her heart, but it was the reality. “Not to the depths I do, I mean. I’m a fool, head over heels for you. So I would like a chance to show you how I feel, and we could learn more about each other. Other than what we see in our Scion business. To show you that you didn’t make a wrong choice, hopefully, in giving me this chance.”
Haurchine looked at Y’shtola with wide, hopeful eyes, anxious for her reaction. Maybe she would consider it silly, or a waste of time. It was a tremendous challenge for Haurchine to keep her pessimistic way of thinking at bay, even if she was starting to realize that her self-image was more than a little warped by her past.
“Well well. I did not expect you to be quite so… gallant,” Y’shtola admitted. "Perhaps that was an error on my part. I should have been more cognizant of the truth. Beneath your brash shell beats a sensitive, and I dare say wounded, heart, and it is one that still holds aloft a vision of romanticism. Yes, I grant you permission to court me, in whatsoever manner you deem appropriate." Her words came with a gentle smile that even shone in her pale eyes. "Indeed, I believe I find the idea rather charming. To my recollection, never have I been properly courted. There have been some wooing attempts, if one could call them that; largely from inebriated pirates, if you are concerned about the quality of any comparison."
“Alright,” Haurchine nodded, sighing with relief, before further words began to gush freely. “Yes, good. Excellent even. Wonderful. That’s… that’s good. I’ll do that then. I’m sure that I can do better than a drunk pirate.” I hope. “No need to spread the news about my ‘sensitive heart’ around though. Nobody else needs to know that. I have a reputation, you know.”
Y’shtola laughed. "I'm certain you are capable of doing and shall do quite better than they. Though I must say I do not understand why you would seek to hide your heart. That kindness within is one of your finest qualities, and t'would be a shame for it to be veiled so."
Haurchine rolled her eyes, only to be distracted by Y’shtola’s touch, her hand cupping Haurchine’s cheek once more. There was a pondering look in Y’shtola’s eyes.
What, Haurchine wondered, did Y’shtola see when she looked at her with those silvery, sightless eyes of hers?
Did she see the longing burning in her soul?
“So. Are we resolved now? Are your feelings reaching a manageable state?”
The touch made Haurchine blush warmly again, radiant enough that Y’shtola could certainly feel it under her fingers.
“Yes, I uh…” Haurchine inhaled deeply and released her breath slowly. “I’m alright. I think I’m going to need some time to, well, process. I didn’t expect all of this, as you can well imagine.”
“Mmm. As I mentioned before, I am quite certain that you would have tried to suffer in silence all alone had I not decided to confront you on this matter. As such, I do not regret it. I am only sorry that it caused you such distress.” Y’shtola smiled and pulled back with a final caress on Haurchine’s cheek.
“I think it is better that I leave you to your thoughts for now, to let you ‘process,’ as you said. However, I can only do so should you promise to me that you shall not try to convince yourself of anything unwise, in the vein of how this was a mistake or deceiving yourself with thoughts of how you don’t deserve this. Do I make myself perfectly clear, Miss Greystone?” Y’shtola delivered the last bit with a much sharper tone and a glare at Haurchine, who’s ears pulled back in slight fear. The fact that it also made her heart jump from something akin to excitement was a feeling best left ignored.
“I promise!” The reply was prompt and earnest. “I promise. You’ve made your position crystal clear.”
Y’shtola examined her quietly for a few moments, eyes narrowed, before nodding in satisfaction.
“Good. Take what time you require,” she reassured. Haurchine was quick to support her as she rose. Once up, the miqo’te brushed her dress to straighten its long black folds.
Haurchine stayed seated with her back to the wall, looking up at the other woman with her face full of wonder.
Just as Y’shtola turned to leave, Haurchine reached out a hand.
“Wait!”
Y’shtola stopped and turned back to Haurchine with a raised eyebrow and watched as Haurchine fiddled with her fingers shyly.
“Can I refer to you as my, um, partner? O-or…” Her voice fell to almost a whisper. “...Girlfriend? I mean, if it ever comes up…” Haurchine looked away, feeling foolish for asking.
Y’shtola crossed her arms and tapped her cheek as she considered the question.
“I suppose that is amenable. As I would hope you understand, I would not feel comfortable announcing it to any and everyone as of yet. I have not relinquished some of my reservations, but I see no harm in such terms should it become relevant in conversation.” With a reassuring smile, she proceeded toward the door.
Yet before she opened it, she paused one final time to look upon Haurchine.
“I will see you later… partner.”
And with a final wink, Y’shtola opened the door and slipped through it. As it began to shut behind her, Haurchine could hear a reassurance from beyond.
“Fear not, I made certain to keep the rest of them in check. They were being quite the nosy pests. I was forced to resort to the broom-”
Whatever remained was lost as the door clicked shut, leaving Haurchine alone with her thoughts, shellshocked but ecstatic.
Y’shtola Rhul was her girlfriend .
Lulumi Lumi jumped as she heard a high pitched squeal from beyond the door, but then rolled her eyes and smiled, walking away with the broom.