Chapter Text
Fushiguro Megumi is no stranger to the cold.
The kind of cold that sits in the air at the beginning of the equinox or perhaps from swimming in the lake at dusk, but this cold is different. This kind settles in your bones after a biting winter, unable to fix with a blanket and warm mug. This cold is lonely, bitter and something he should already know.
And know he does; he's known ever since his family was removed from the High Court. He's known how much of a desired pawn he would be. He's known from the looks of others that crawl over his skin, leaving an uncomfortable sting. It doesn't help that he needs to obey the commands of his Court in fear of what they would do to Tsumiki if he vanished.
His sister has been asleep for years now, trapped in a slumber from which no healer or elder's magic had managed to rouse her. Not knowing what kind of curse was placed on her, a chilling paralysis that mimicked death, Megumi was forced to seek the help of his clan. The price was steep, Megumi was to be the most dutiful, malleable heir he could be. He was to marry where they dictated, serve as they commanded, and become a mere extension of their power. Each year Tsumiki remained in her cursed sleep, the chains around Megumi tightened, and the urgency to comply grew. His very existence had become a negotiation, his loyalty a currency for his sister’s fragile life. The pressure was a constant, suffocating weight, colder and more unyielding than any winter frost.
Yet still he looks for that little bit of light cutting through the trees; the final ember holding on to the log in the hearth. Warmth --He looks for warmth. And he’s found it. He’s found it in calloused hands worn from training, in rusted auburn inked arms and a crooked smile. And gods does he not want to let it go, but the Fates have never favored him.
So he watches, from a distance, never getting too close to that sun, lest he turn into Icarus. He’s content to just observe because he knows if he dares stoke that final ember, there's no way he can prevent himself from burning. And things aren’t so bad for him. He’s still considered Fae with his powers and has all the wealth he could imagine.
He’s just…cold.
--
Megumi huffs and blows a strand of his bangs out of his eyes. He’s sweating in the late afternoon sun and can only imagine the glare he’d receive from Nobara, his confidant and handmaid within the estate, when he returns looking like a mess. “You know, this would be much easier if you accepted my offer to train more often.” He barely contains a groan of annoyance as he sends a pointed glare Maki’s way. It’s not like it's his fault for having to dodge all her training requests and she knows this.
She throws up her hands in a placating gesture. Her hair today is tied back with intricate braids along the side of her head and she sports an obvious lack of armor as they spar. She still has truesight ointment painted across her eyes, however. “Yeah, yeah- I know. Your stupid husband is no help either.”
He shoots her a harder glare this time before quickly scanning his eyes over the garden wall they were hidden behind. His husband, Kamo Noritoshi, is not someone’s bad side you want to be on. When his family initially proposed he be married off to one of the Kamo, they were hesitant on the idea as they had never had any good relations. But as Megumi’s power manifested and the Kamo family influence grew more prestigious, they quickly changed their minds.
He thinks he hears her mumble before turning to look back and giving her a look that he hopes says seriously Maki, shut it.
That must have worked because she sighs and her shoulders drop. “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just- you know we’re worried about you. He’s worried about you; I’m worried about you.” Megumi looks away, fiddling with the sleeve over his left arm, trying hard not to scratch at the swirls he knows rest under the sleeve.
He knows they worry and he wishes they wouldn’t. He can handle himself. Mother above, he’s been handling himself for years without their help. It's just ever since his family married him back into the Court and Maki was assigned as his guard, things have been different. And he’s used to different, but this time he has to face it himself, lest he put his friends or worse, Yuuji , in danger.
He sucks in his bottom lip and looks back over to Maki, “You guys know I can handle myself. Please don’t worry too much about me.”
She gives him a look that's not quite pity but he simply rolls his eyes at her and gestures for her to go again. If they’re going to train today, Megumi will make sure it's enough to leave his muscles burning later if only to exhaust him into a fitful sleep.
She takes her stance and he mirrors her, raising his fists. He shoots her a glance that reads no holding back . This causes her to scoff, “Your funeral.” Before she's lunging.
He barely has time to come up with a snarky response to that as he narrowly dodges a swing to his left. She has always been one for the offensive and doesn't let up now. A jab to his side, a poke at his flimsy shield, and a well placed kick to his leg that sends him staggering back to reset.
She’s hopping from foot to foot as she raises an eyebrow at him, waiting for his next move. Megumi sucks in a breath and focuses, feeling the breeze settle down before making his advance. He aims for the inside of her foot, trying to catch her off balance, but she’s quick to switch their positions, landing a blow to his side with her knee before twisting him around and grabbing his hair.
He winces because- ouch that hurt, not only his side but his ego as well. He exhales through his nose, unable to move within her grasp. “There are a couple of ways to get out of this hold,” She says right behind him, tightening her grip in his hair as she talks.
“Is this really necessary?” He grits out, trying to convey his annoyance. He can practically hear her eye roll.
“Yes. It is. Now listen, smartass. If you have your feet under you, drop and twist your body enough to where you can knee me,” She lets him walk through the motions, begrudgingly. “Good, again.”
She makes him do this three more times before deeming that enough. He sighs in relief when she finally releases his hair, running a hand through his sore scalp.
“What the fuck was that about?”
Maki shrugs in response, “You never know when you're going to need certain moves. Better to be prepared than not.”
He rolls his eyes and walks over to where they have water set out, “Yeah sure, that was definitely for my benefit.”
She snorts behind him, clearly understanding what he was implying before grunting from the impact of the water bottle that Megumi chucked at her. He gulps from his own bottle, collapsing on a nearby stone bench.
He chews on his bottom lip as she’s drinking, looking away towards the forest lining the edge of the estate. She follows his gaze and sighs, “I know you miss him, Meg. He misses you too, trust me. But there's only another week until the next revel, you’ll see him then.”
He snaps his gaze back to her, stomach suddenly churning. Yes, he will see Yuuji then, but he’s not so sure he wants to. Knowing Kamo, he has something in store for their first revel as a newlywed couple and Megumi has a feeling it's not going to be something he’ll enjoy if all the planning he’s doing is anything to go by.
Maki must sense his uneasiness because she quickly wipes her chin before suggesting, “Why don’t we call it quits for today? I need to make a quick trip into town anyways.” Which he knows is code for, ‘You look like shit--I don’t want Nobara maiming me and I have business to do.’
He sighs and nods, wiping his brow with his sleeve before giving her one last look as a goodbye and turning to walk back towards the house. He’d see her later regardless, that’s what being assigned to guard him means anyways.
As he makes the trek back he thinks about what Maki said, and about Yuuji. He hasn’t seen the other boy since the ceremony in which he had to watch Megumi marry another man, against his own wishes he may add. The memory does not sit well with him, the sorrow behind Yuuji’s eyes as he traced the new markings on Megumi’s arms, a mocking of a dream they once had, a foolish one at that.
They had known this was coming, the inevitability of his family marrying him away to earn their place back in the High Court. He was blinded by the daydreams he and Yuuji would share. It was foolish to hope for more, but it was so easy to get lost in those dreams when he was with Yuuji. He was different from everyone else. Too kind, too
good
for the world they live in and every time he shared that goodness with Megumi, he yearned. For once in his life he
wanted
, he wanted so badly it made him do stupid, foolish things. Things like sneak off during Court meetings or revels to meet up with Yuuji, if only for a couple moments. They shared breaths, secrets, promises. And every time those moments together ended, Megumi would return to a lonely reality.
He shakes himself out of his thoughts as he enters through the doors of the house, making an immediate beeline towards the steps. Maki’s reminder of the upcoming revel left a sour taste in his mouth and he just wants to go to his room and maybe have Nobara run him a bath before he becomes one with his bed.
The gods must finally be on his side today because he makes it to his door just in time to hear Kamo arrive at the outside gates on his horse.
Nobara must have heard him come in because one second he's breathing a sigh of relief and the next, he's barely containing a startled yelp as she materializes right in front of him, hands on her cocked hips. She is what one would consider a nature spirit, or nymph, but she has a knack for the more material world, which landed her this role of not only his handmaid but one of his best friends as well.
He opens his mouth to try and soften the blow of a very obvious sweaty mess, but before he can even get a word out to try and defend himself she's fluttering around him in a fuss. “Gods it’s like every time I put effort in your appearance you have to go and mess it up somehow!” Megumi stifles a sigh and rolls his eyes at her.
“This is why I tell you not to fret-”
“Don’t give me your attitude, your bath will get cold.” She ushers him towards the connecting room where the clawed tub awaits. “Go. Clean up. Even the Fates know you reek.” He crosses his arms as she practically shoves him into the bathroom, before he turns and sends her a particularly rude gesture and shuts the door in her face.
He smiles to himself in victory and faces the tub again, but not before Nobara rematerializes right in front of him and smacks him with a towel. So much for victory , he thinks to himself.
Megumi rubs at his cheek where she had hit him. “No wonder why Maki likes you so much. Both of you are abnormally violent.” The towel then gets shoved into his arms as she walks back towards the door, a blush on her misty cheeks.
“The water’s getting cold,” She huffs, slamming the door on her way out. Megumi lets a quiet laugh slip past his lips as he makes his way over to the aforementioned tub. It smells like mint and chamomile, a combination that Nobara commonly uses for his baths. He strips, leaving his dirty clothes draped over a vanity chair that resides in the bathroom, and slips into the water.
Contradictory to her grumbling, the water is still warm, soothing his sore muscles after an afternoon with Maki. He sinks deeper into the water, resting his head against the ledge as he looks out the opened window and towards the forest. Megumi wonders what Yuuji has been up to and if Toge might be scouting for him in those trees right now.
He shuts his eyes and groans. No. No more thoughts about that right now, just enjoy the bath . And when a flash of honeyed brown crosses his mind, he takes a deep breath and submerges under the water.
--
Megumi still remembers the first time they kissed.
The air in the hidden grove was thick with the scent of damp earth and late-blooming honeysuckle. Moonlight, fractured by the dense canopy, dappled the mossy ground where Yuuji and Megumi sat, their shoulders almost touching. They’d been meeting like this for months now, stolen moments at the Court’s borders, far from prying eyes and the suffocating weight of Megumi’s family’s expectations. Each secret rendezvous had deepened the unspoken bond between them, weaving it tighter, more intricate, until it felt like an essential part of Megumi’s very being.
Tonight, a quiet tension hummed between them, different from their usual easy camaraderie. Megumi was tracing patterns on a fallen leaf with a silent intensity, his pointed ear catching the faint breeze. He could feel the weight of his impending future, the Kamo marriage, pressing down on him, a physical ache in his chest. He had yet to tell Yuuji of what awaits him in the near future, not wanting to shatter whatever delicate balance they shared. But it wasn’t just the marriage itself; it was the endless chain of duties, the cold, calculating stares, the knowledge that Tsumiki’s very existence, her fragile life, depended on his unwavering obedience. The burden felt suffocating, a deep-sea current dragging him further and further down.
“Something wrong?” Yuuji finally ventured, his voice softer than usual, pulling Megumi from the swirling vortex of his thoughts. Megumi felt Yuuji’s fingers hovering hesitantly over his hand, a warmth he desperately craved but didn’t dare invite, not wanting to break whatever fragile thought process he was in, not wanting to reveal the chaos within.
Megumi startled slightly, his gaze snapping up to meet Yuuji’s. The moonlight caught the faint shimmer on his cheekbones, making him feel exposed, vulnerable. A deep sigh escaped him, a sound filled with a weariness that he knew tugged at Yuuji’s heart, though he wished it wouldn't. He hated showing weakness.
“It’s nothing,” Megumi murmured, the lie tasting like ash, but his eyes betrayed him, holding a turbulent mix of emotions he couldn't hide from Yuuji. He saw too much, always. Megumi shifted, turning his body fully towards him, his knees almost brushing. The proximity was both a comfort and an agony. “Just thinking.”
Yuuji waited, patiently. He knew Megumi didn’t open up easily, but he always gave him the space to gather his thoughts, a quiet understanding that was a balm to his restless mind. It was one of the many things Megumi cherished about him. He didn't push, he simply existed, a steady presence. “You can tell me, you know,” Yuuji offered, his voice a low, steady comfort, a lifeline Megumi was desperate to grasp. “Whatever it is.”
Megumi’s eyes searched Yuuji’s, a silent plea, a desperate hope for escape, for understanding. He swallowed, his throat bobbing, dry. The words were a dam about to burst, a torrent of fear and despair. “It’s just sometimes…I feel like I’m drowning, Yuuji. In all of it. The expectations, the duty, the future they’ve laid out for me, saving Tsumiki.” His voice was barely a whisper, thick with unshed emotion, the words tearing at his throat, raw and agonizing. “And then I see you, and it’s like I can breathe again.”
The confession hung in the air, heavy and precious, a fragile truth laid bare. Megumi’s heart pounded, a frantic drum against his ribs, a rhythm that strangely calmed his own. Yuuji reached out this time, his hand gently cupping Megumi’s cheek, his thumb brushing over the soft skin beneath his eye. The touch was electric, a jolt of pure warmth that spread through him. Megumi leaned into the touch, his eyes fluttering shut for a brief moment, savoring the warmth, the safety of it. It was a physical anchor in a world that constantly threatened to sweep him away.
“Megumi,” Yuuji murmured, his voice husky with emotion, a sound that resonated deep within Megumi’s soul. “You don’t have to drown. Not with me.”
Megumi’s eyes opened, fixed on Yuuji’s. The raw emotion in them was almost unbearable, a mirror of his own longing, his own silent plea. This was it, the precipice. The moment before they both fall. Every pulse in Megumi’s body thrummed with the gravity of it. He could feel the irrevocable shift in the universe around them, like crossing a threshold. The weight of it was immense, terrifying, and utterly exhilarating. Every fiber of his being screamed caution, warning him of the cataclysmic fallout that could erupt from this single act, yet, the desperate need for Yuuji, for the solace he offered, for the breath he allowed Megumi to take, was greater. This wasn't just a moment before they fell; it was the moment they chose to fall together.
He leaned in, slowly, hesitantly, his gaze dropping to Yuuji’s lips, a silent question. A question he was terrified to ask, and yet, couldn’t stop himself. Yuuji’s breath hitched, a small, encouraging sound. Megumi closed the remaining distance, his own eyes fluttering shut as their lips met.
It was soft at first, a feather-light touch, a tentative question, a fragile beginning. A hesitant exploration, a silent 'can we?' Then, as Megumi’s hand rose to cup the back of Yuuji’s neck, pulling him closer, the kiss deepened. It wasn’t a fiery, passionate clash, but a slow, tender exploration, tasting of the cool night air and a desperate, burgeoning hope that Megumi hadn’t dared to acknowledge until this moment. His fingers threaded into the soft, dark hair of Yuuji’s undercut, holding him close, as if to anchor himself against the world, against the inevitable. Megumi’s lips moved against his, a gentle pressure, a silent conversation of longing and unspoken promises. It was a profound, soul-deep connection, a quiet understanding that settled into every cell of Megumi’s being. It felt like coming home, like finding a safe harbor in a storm he hadn’t realized he was constantly battling. Every fear, every expectation, every suffocating duty seemed to recede, replaced by the simple, profound reality of Yuuji’s lips on his, the warmth of his skin, the beat of his heart against his. In that moment, there was no past, no future, only them.
When they finally broke apart, both breathless, their foreheads resting against each other, the air still thrumming with the quiet magic they had created. Megumi’s eyes were still closed, a faint flush on his cheeks, and a small, utterly beautiful smile played on his lips, a smile he hadn't realized he was capable of. A genuine smile, untainted by duty or fear. Yuuji’s heart, Megumi could feel it, soaring, light and free in a way it hadn't been in years. Megumi slowly, hesitantly, opened his own eyes, those emerald depths shining with a newfound, fragile peace that he knew, even then, would be hard-won, but utterly worth fighting for.
“Megumi,” Yuuji whispered his name like a prayer, a promise that resonated in the quiet grove.
Megumi’s smile widened, a soft, contented sound escaping him. “Yuuji.”
The world outside the grove, with its duties and its expectations, with Tsumiki’s fragile life, faded into a distant hum. In that moment, under the dappled moonlight, there was only them, and the quiet, sharing secret breaths and coveted touches until the dawn light crested the horizon.