Chapter Text
Lottie Matthews.
She’s the rich, uptight, too-perfect, and also too-good-at-everything, spoiled rich kid. Everyone notices how perfect her life is. That’s why every kid at Wiskayok High School envies her. She’s got everything she could ever ask for.
Her daddy’s got money. Like a shit ton of it. So much so that he owns multiple properties in the New York Tri-State area alone, and he even owns his very own private jet. It comes in handy when he has to travel for work, and he travels a lot.
Malcolm Matthews is a calculated businessman with the perfect wife and the perfect daughter. His colleagues respect him for the life he has built for himself. They say he's a fantastic husband and an even better father. They say that he has given both his wife and daughter the American dream any family could ever ask for. The perfect life.
Lottie knows how to be classy. Starting from a young age, that's all she's ever known how to be. She needs to be, for her father, of course. Because that perfect life isn’t actually perfect. It just seems that way. Malcolm Matthews makes sure of it.
In actuality, the Matthews are not a perfect family. Malcolm Matthews has a daughter who despises him, and Lottie Matthews has a father who is terrified to show the world who she is. The real her. The sick her. And her mother? Her mother is a not so innocent bystander in all of this.
Everyone has flaws, but Lottie, oh Lottie has a massive one. A flaw so big that it threatens the Matthews name. That's what her father keeps telling her.
You are sick. People can’t know that I have a sick daughter. They cannot know that my daughter has a crazy mind.
So that’s what happened. He made sure nobody knew. They couldn't know.
So when Lottie got diagnosed at the age of six, she had to become someone that wasn't actually her. She's been putting up a front ever since.
Her father taught her how to be perfect. How to make sure nobody thinks otherwise. And that? That’s a burden she carries every single day. Behavioral outbursts were normal for little kids, but not for Lottie. If she acted improper she would be diagnosed meds, meds that made her numb. Numb to feeling, numb to just being a kid.
In school, every girl wants to be Lottie Matthews, and every boy wants to be with Lottie Matthews. She is perfectly beautiful.
Her father taught her how to be perfect. Except, she isn’t. She’s far from perfect.
There’s not one thing Lottie Matthews isn’t good at. She gets straight A’s, the teachers love her, and she’s never late for class, thanks to her driver, Mr. Daniels. Her outfits are always perfectly styled, very chic and very expensive, thanks to Mr Matthews. She’s also an athlete. A really good one. She made the WHS Varsity team for soccer. The Yellowjackets. Her father told her that he would make sure she would get on the team. He didn’t have to, because Lottie made sure he didn’t have to. She didn’t want him buy her spot on the team. She wanted to earn it, and that she did. Her father doesn’t realize it, but Lottie is actually good at soccer. Like really good.
She made the team easily.
The soccer team is important to Lottie. It’s the one place where she doesn’t have to be put together. Her cleats can be scuffed with mud. Her knees can get scratched and bruised. She can be herself. She doesn’t have to pretend to be perfect.
Soccer is the one place where she isn’t the queen bee and put on a pedestal. She’s an equal. She’s not the best player, though she’s still really good, and that makes her feel like a real human being and not some plastic doll.
Home doesn’t feel like home for Lottie. It’s a place she goes to hide away from the rest of the world. It’s not a place where she feels safe, where she finds comfort in. It’s a place that gives her shelter, away from the world's harsh weather conditions. It’s a place that gives her a space to sleep, and sometimes even that isn’t always true.
The floors are marbled, shiny and cold, and the walls are bare except for a few expensive paintings hanging on them. It’s grey. It’s a bore. The Matthews are rich, but they have no taste. They will buy anything for the sole purpose of it being expensive.
The house isn’t lived in. It’s hauntingly empty. Everything’s too clean and too white. It’s lifeless. Just how her father wants it to be. He makes sure that their maid keeps it spotless, no dirt marks, not one single vase out of place. She ensures that everything is polished and up to Mr Malcolm's standards.
Some days, Miss Dunsmuir, the maid, feels like more of a mother to Lottie than her actual one. Lottie calls her Lillian because Miss Dunsmuir insists on it. She says hearing her name said like that is too formal, and Lottie agrees. Lillian sounds much more inviting.
Lillian is sweet. She genuinely cares about Lottie, more so than Lottie’s actual parents, and Lottie genuinely cares about Lillian. It’s not like Lottie’s parents have given Lottie any kind of love other than money. It’s not hard to overachieve in their parenting philosophy.
They aren’t home a lot of the time. Work trips are a constant thing for her father, and her mother always goes with him.
That leaves Lottie alone.
She’s alone a lot, and Lottie has found comfort in her loneliness. In fact, Lottie likes when her parents are gone. The constant nagging about having proper etiquette is no longer there. She can breathe without her mother being in her ear about fixing her posture or speaking with proper English. She can act like a normal teenager when it’s just her and the maid, Lillian.
The loneliness is loud in the Matthews household. That’s what happens when you have parents who love money more than their actual child. The only thing her parents have given her is money. That’s all they’re good for. Lottie would complain about it, except complaining about getting too much money too easily sounds a bit naive, so she never does. She uses the money given to her to her advantage. Using it to make people like her, because everyone likes money. No, they love money, so Lottie having money means that they will love her to.
At the start of freshman year, Lottie started using her money to gain popularity. She had everything any girl could ever dream of having, and she turned herself into a girl that any boy could ever dream of having, though she never let them get it. More like dangled herself in front of their faces likes some meat on a stick for a dog. They were never able to reach.
At WHS, if you were in with Lottie’s group, then that meant you had peaked. Parties hosted by Lottie were what everyone would ever talk about. It's the only thing anyone would get excited about in this town. She was always the talk of the school. The parties she hosted were so iconic that gossip spread to the other side of the city, and people would attend from all kinds of different schools.
Everyone knew of Lottie Matthews, but nobody knew Lottie Matthews.
Nobody except for maybe Jackie Taylor and Shauna Shipman. And even then, those girls still didn't know who Lottie was deep down. Even though they have been friends since preschool, Lottie never truly let them fully in. It was forbidden by her father. The two girls are Lottie's only friends. Her only real ones. Although Lottie has a whole posse that follows her around craving the attention. She couldn't care less about them, and honestly, they couldn't care less about her. All they cared about was being seen with her and all Lottie cared about was feeling wanted, even if it was solely because of her rich father. Jackie and Shauna were a part of that group, but they didn’t act like Lottie’s posse. Quite honestly, they couldn't stand Lottie’s other friends. So they mostly kept their distance.
Lottie's lunch table consisted of all the other snobby rich kids in their school. There was Emily, captain of the cheer team and Grace, whom Emily treated like she was her personal assistant. Then there were William and Joshua, the school's hot throbs, and it was no secret that they had a crush on Lottie. The only girl who was unattainable to them. They also played on the school's baseball team. The baseball team that had never won a singular trophy.
This group would only be seen at school and parties. Other than that, they never hung out outside of that. And they definitely didn’t have any conversations that went passed talking about the people they've hooked up with or finding amusement in gossiping about other people’s lives. Making fun of others was their specialty.
Jackie and Shauna weren’t like this. They were only in this group because their social status fit in with them. Any chance they could get they spent it away from the group. Lottie wasn’t like the others either. She never talked about the people she wanted to hook up with, she was never seen hooking up with anyone at parties, and when the others were talking shit, she wouldn’t participate, that is unless they really deserved it. She was only just a bystander when it came to this group, something that reminded herself of her mother all too well.
Lottie had influence.
Lottie knew that Jackie and Shauna didn't like the others. They said they felt fake, that they weren't trustworthy. Lottie already knew that. Of course, she knew that. That’s why the three of them would never invite the others when they hung out. Jackie’s house was the go-to spot for them. But even sometimes with them, Lottie still felt like she was the odd one out. It was Jackie and Shauna, plus Lottie.
Most of the time, it was just the three of them. Sometimes a few other girls from the soccer team hung out with them. It was mostly Mari and Laura Lee. Sometimes, even the whole soccer team would do something together. These hangouts Lottie actually quite enjoyed. They felt wholesome, despite not all of them having the same social status or the same interests and dislikes, they still got along, and sometimes Lottie wondered why the team wouldn't hang out with each other more. Even though they didn’t all hang out at school, on the field and outside of school, they were friendly with each other. The team had great chemistry, which is what made them so good. Despite the fact that they all were in different cliques and came from different societal classes, they silently understood each other. They were a team. Most importantly, they were champions. The boys baseball team couldn't say the same.
Lottie has one memory of when the team got together that has stuck with her.
It was one winter night of last year when Jackie Taylor decided the whole team should have a party before the break. It was 3 months ago, when the Christmas season was upon them. Despite Jackie’s convincing attempt at getting everyone to do Secret Santa, nobody was really into that. They settled with an intimate slumber party and ended up watching Home Alone, a classic. That was the first night that Lottie talked to Natalie Scatorccio. Like actually talked to her.
It went like this.
Lottie had a few drinks that night. Before arriving at the party, her parents told her, just like every year they do, that they wouldn’t be home for Christmas. It didn’t bother her that much, she’s used to her parents being gone. They are away a lot and she's been alone on Christmas most years, but every year she silently hopes that she’s not. Lottie’s not the one to drink, she's not one to do any substances, but that night she decided to, because earlier that night, her parents disappointed her, just as they always do.
After a few drinks, Lottie’s head started to feel dizzy. The girls' laughs mixed with the sound of the television started to become too much for her. She needed some fresh air. That’s when she walked out onto the porch, hoping to be alone. A moment to breathe without the noise of the slumber party bleeding through the closed door. Instead, she was met with a grungy-looking girl, messy bleached blonde hair, dark eyeliner around her eyes. She wore an oversized leather jacket and held a cigarette between her fingers. The girls elbows rested on the railing, blowing smoke into the night. The girl was Natalie, outside having a smoke. A likely place for her to be.
They've never spoken to each other one on one. Natalie didn't seem the type to enjoy small talk, and neither was Lottie, so the only times they've directed words at each other has been on the field or briefly at team get-together's.
“Oh, hi,” Lottie muttered. She didn’t expect anyone else to be out here. She was hoping nobody would be out here.
She didn’t wait for the blonde girl to answer before walking to the porch railing, leaning her body weight on it. The night air was cold, cold enough for the snow to fall, but it wasn't just yet. The coldness gave her shivers. She breathed in and closed her eyes. The silence of the night calmed her mind. No more noises were shrieking through her eardrums. It was just what she needed.
Natalie never answered Lottie with a “hi” back. She just looked at her. Studying her. Maybe she was a bit curious, maybe she wasn’t. Lottie could feel her eyes burn through the side of her head, even with her eyes closed, she could feel Natalie looking at her. Typically, someone staring would make her uncomfortable, but tonight, Lottie didn't have the energy to care.
After a while, Natalie broke the silence between them.
“What are you doing?”
It seems like Natalie might have been enjoying her peaceful time alone. That is, until Lottie came to ruin it. Maybe she was seeking the same thing Lottie was seeking. Quietness. Solitude. Maybe she wasn’t. Maybe she just wanted a smoke, and maybe Natalie didn’t mind the company. Maybe all it was is curiosity. Lottie will never know.
Lottie crack one eye open, giving Natalie a glance. “Meditating, What are you doing?” She says back sarcastically. The way she said that came out a bit harsher than she intended. It also sounded a little judgemental because, as she said that she glanced down at the cigarette in Natalie’s hand. Lottie was indeed judging.
“Smoking,” she answers as a puff of smoke exits through her mouth, not caring about Lottie’s tone.
Lottie shuts closed her eye again facing the nights airy breeze, “You’re gonna get lung cancer, y’know. Those really aren’t good for you.” A beat passed, “They also make you stink.”
Natalie smirks at that, like her judgment genuinely amused her. “I like the smell. I think it fits my aesthetic.”
“You like lung cancer, too?” Lottie turns to look at Natalie now. Her eyebrows furrowed.
Natalie didn’t bother replying. Instead, she just kept smoking, eyes forward, her presence loud in the quiet. Lottie should have gone back inside. Silence fills the air again, and Lottie turns back to the night. She’s no longer breathing in fresh air. Natalie has contaminated it with her cigarette. It reeks, and even though Lottie finds the smell repulsive, she doesn’t leave. The two girls stay there for a moment. Neither one talking.
It’s silent, but not awkward. The two girls are taking in the night sky, both in their different ways. Natalie exhales a puff of smoke and then, once again, breaks the silence.
“You want one?”
Lottie looks over at her, glancing down at the cigarette that is being offered to her, raising her eyebrow. Even after Lottie revealed her opinion on cigarettes, Natalie is genuinely offering her one. Like, she didn’t even listen to Lottie at all. This girl couldn't be serious.
But she was, the pack of smokes were right there, being offered to her.
After a beat, for some reason, Lottie accepts the offer. Blame the drinks or blame the loneliness. She grabs the cigarette from Natalie and puts it between her lips.
“Give me the lighter,” she reaches out to Natalie, palm open. Natalie reaches into her leather jacket and then plopped a lighter into Lottie’s hand. She lights the cigarette like she’s done this before. It’s not her first time smoking, she likes to pretend it is. Natalie notices that.
“You surprise me, Lottie.” Natalie let out a small airy laugh. “Maybe now we’ll both get lung cancer someday.”
“No,” Lottie said, smoke catching in her throat. “Just you.” Lottie takes a breath, “I’m untouchable.” She means it. She is untouchable, but saying it sounded ridiculous the moment it came out of her mouth. Natalie didn’t comment, but her mouth twitched slightly.
The two take in each other's company for a while. Both just inhaling and exhaling smoke. Existing in each other's orbit. Not saying much at all.
After a couple of minutes, Natalie shuffles, throwing her cigarette to the floor and then putting it out with her boot. She doesn’t hesitate before she walks back inside the house, leaving Lottie alone, without saying a single word.
Lottie stayed for a longer after that, letting the cigarette burn between her fingers. It left a sharp and bitter taste on her tongue. She doesn’t know why she accepted Natalie’s offer, she doesn’t even like smoking, but she said yes anyways.
They didn’t say much, but something changed for Lottie that night. That night, Lottie finally noticed Natalie Scatorccio. The girl who offered her a smoke despite her saying how those things would kill her. It wasn't some joke, or maybe it was. Maybe Natalie was simply joking and Lottie made a fool of herself accepting the offer. Natalie didn't say anything about it, never even gave a slight chuckle. Her thoughts were kept inside, just like how Lottie's thoughts were as well.
Lottie is not one to open up. She mostly observes and listens to others do that sort of stuff. She’s never been on the opposing side of those conversations. She's gotten good at deflecting. If anyone started asking too many questions, she would normally brush them off and change the subject.
Everyone who Lottie blessed with her presence always noticed her. She was the kind of girl who made people do a double-take, but nobody really knew Lottie Matthews. That was because she didn’t let anyone in. People wanted to know her. Her essence is intriguing and it wasn't like Lottie was some freak that people would purposefully stay away from. They would try to crack her open, and they tried hard, but Lottie never gave them anything. Nothing vulnerable to deepen a connection. She was a mystery, and that was on purpose.
She didn't want people to know her.
Natalie was the same in that sense. No one knew her, not really. She was a mystery just like Lottie was. Natalie was also different in that sense. No one really wanted to get to know her. She wasn’t a nobody; she had her small group of friends, but she also wasn’t a somebody. She was just there. She kept her circle small and didn’t need anything else. It wasn't hard for her to keep her circle small, because unlike Lottie, Natalie was the freak, the burnout, the trash that people stayed away from.
She simply just existed and people simply stayed away.
That was the case until a certain somebody decided that Natalie Scatorccio wasn’t just anybody.
Nothing changed between them. Its been 2 months since the the last time they spoke to each other that night out on the porch and they haven’t talked since. Lottie went back to her curated life, and Natalie stayed wherever it is she disappears to. They both went back to their own lives. But Lottie notices her now.
When Lottie sees Natalie from afar, she stares for a little longer now. Catches herself doing it and still looks more. She doesn’t know what it is, maybe she never will. She won't know until she finds it.
It was March now, and Lottie still hasn't found what she's looking for.