Chapter Text
Its been over, Fyodor is death. Nikolai disappeared as if he had vanished into the air, sigma managed to escape and got into the ADA, everything came back go normal and thanks to atsushi nobody died.
—Of course it's over... He mumbled as he gripped his fist so tightly it hurt even using bandages.
Sometimes it's better to lie to yourself with a "It's fine" so it doesn't hurt that much.
—Good morning Dazai-san! Said a familiar voice from the distance, about 3-2 meters of distance, With a happy tone but still tired, even after 2 weeks.
—Morning Atsushi-kun! He replied with his usual attitude as he went towards the younger man and put a hand around his neck.—Have you seen my new glasses? The brunette asked as a loud scream echoed through the agency's room.
—OSAMU DAZAI GIVE ME BACK MY GLASSES! As Dazai left running with Kunikida's glasses as Atsushi sighed with a soft smile as Kunikida passed behind him chasing after Dazai.
After about 15 minutes of chasing him they finally stopped, Yosano had stopped kunikida as he was about to hit dazai, who gave back Kunikida's glasses.
—Now, what do you say after fighting? The brunette girl asked as Kunikida had his arms crossed angrily humming and Dazai rubbed his cheek from previous moments of fights.
—Sorry my love--- The brunette said as he clinged to Kunikida's shoulders giving him a small kiss on the cheek making Kunikida's cheeks glow in red
—Tch, fine, sorry for hitting you. He mumbled annoyed as he hugged him by the waist rubbing his hand against dazai's cheek looking at him at the eyes sighing.
—when did you two started dating? Yosano asked chuckling as she saw them hugging
—Since I got out of mersault actually! Said the brunette chuckling.
—Congrats I guess--Yosano said as she saw kunikida embarrassed.
After a long day of work full of energy, besides Dazai and ranpo playing. It was over, everyone was leaving, including Dazai..
He was getting ready to leave before a hand grabbed his wrist tightly, it seemed as if it was a serious thing since they were trembling —Dazai, a letter arrived for you. A known voice said, it was ranpo.
.He knew exactly what the letter was about, they both knew it.
—You can't just keep ignoring it, You know what this is about Dazai...Ranpo mumbled, before all of this ended, Fukuzawa, who was currently in recovery, agreed to transfer any member to the port mafia.
"I'd rather die.."
He thought to himself, He had promised Oda to change to a better person, he really tried really hard.. just to be dragged to that damn hell again.
You know when you try and try to get out of hell but when everything seems to be going great it drags you back as if it was just waiting for you to get back hope so it would hurt worse? Its fucked up.
—Don't tell anyone... I'll leave tomorrow.. He mumbled with shaky voice, almost breaking down, he never cried but this...
he knew he didn't deserve happiness, but loosing it hurt so bad. This was just a small taste of what he could never have ever again.
—Hey dazai I-Ranpo tried but dazai had already loosened his grip enough to run away, he had knew from the start who was getting chosen, but he tried ignoring it because of how painful it was.
Poor guy. But he couldn't do anything else but to pity him.
When Dazai arrived home, with his usual cocky smile saying hi to Tanizaki and Naomi who were passing by, he really was envious of them for being able to stay.
As he entered his small apartment he threw himself in bed, nothing luxurious or big but warm enough to call home. Kunikida always said it looked like a dumpster. He would surely miss that dumpster.
He then remembered how it was back in port mafia, he lived in a container with a bed and a lamp, it was almost inhumane, when it was winter it freezed him almost making him wanting to get drunk until he not longer felt cold. Maybe a hug would've helped, but who would hug a 14 year old mafia executive? Hah, keep dreaming.
He wouldn't have to mind much of moving out of there, he only had a futon and a lot of sake bottles as well as a small table, he never bothered to buy anything else.
As he got up he looked at his sake bottles, maybe drinking them would numb the pain, right? No. That wouldn't do it, he needed to combine it with something stronger enough to be able to even walk into Mori's office again.
It was necessary, over the months working at the agency his self harming addiction had lowered, he didn't want to get therapy because he thought it was nonsense, when he entered he didn't see the light, but at least he felt better. Kunikida and yosano as well as fukuzawa knew about it, but they never managed to help him to stop completely, they only checked on him sometimes. Which he appreciates, but it wasn't enough. No. He got up sighing as he went to his small bathroom, white walls and black floor as well as a small tub, a toilet and a sink, he went towards the sink where he opened the last drawer. He hadn't opened it in months.. but he couldn't help it, he grabbed a cutter blade, he had bought it some months ago. It was surprisingly cold and heavy, even if it was only one blade, when you stop doing it it'll weight more depending on how much time you stopped, of course he had stopped because he didn't want to disappoint anyone, but the voices and urges kept coming, he mostly used to relapse and didn't tell anyone because he didn't want to worry anyone. Lifting up the metal after months felt relaxing, even if he knew he would regret it later. His bandages dropped revealing small and big scars, he was really hot usually but he was embarrassed of his scars and how would people react, it was scary to think people wouldn't like him anymore if they knew about them. He softly put the blade on his arm, a sudden anger surged. After a few seconds processing everything, how bad his day had been.
Sweep.
a small cut started bleeding instantly, but, it didn't feel enough, after the first cut, nothing can stop you until you're done.
Sweep. Sweep. Sweep.
He started cutting and cutting till there was no room left for any more cuts in that arm, it was starting to get bloody, dripping in his forearm, seeing the blood drip was relaxing. He opened the sink as he filled it, he then put his bloody arm in there, the water turned completely red which made him sigh, he haven't done it in months, it felt really good, but it made him feel really guilty and he knew he would do it again daily after a breakdown.
After cleaning up, he just put on a short sleeved t-shirt, he was alone so je didn't cared to have his cut arms uncovered.
After that he sat in the edge of the bed, processing what he just did, gripping his fist and hitting his own legs with his hands till it became red as he smiled a bit, it felt funny to harm himself till he couldn't bear it anymore, it ached a lot, but in a relief way.
He didn't have dinner, he would puke it away anyway so he didn't bother to.
It was next day, dazai hadn't arrived earlier as usual, hours passed and there wasn't any sign of him, ranpo wouldn't answer where he was, but kunikida had a really bad feeling about this.
It was around 5 o'clock, everyone was getting ready to leave, dazai hadn't come and kunikida was in charge since the president wasn't there, so he was really stressed about it. Till he found a wrapper paper ball on dazai's desk.
"Hey there dazai-kun, I hope you're doing okay, as you may know, Fukuzawa made a deal with me in exchange of helping the agency, one member i choose has to go to the port mafia. i believe there's no surprise of who I chose. I hope we can have a meeting about everything in my office soon, I will be waiting for you soon.
From Mori sensei"
His blood ran cold, this couldn't be happening...
—Sorry for not telling you, I didn't want to make you sad, I left everything organised, I hope you can forgive me Kunikida-kun. Said the brunette behind him with a box of papers and stuff on his hand leaving it on Kunikida's desk.
—You-you bastard! You can't just leave like that! kunikida said shaky as he turned around. This couldn't be true
—You know I would never do anything of this by choice.. I'm sorry dear.he said as he hugged him patting his head, we can't be together being in different sides. I'm sorry..
—There has to be another way..!You...He said desperate as he knew what was coming starting to tear a bit. —You know I love you. he said giving him a small final kiss, full of sadness, making kunikida and the brunette tear up, there wasn't anything else to do but to accept it. And they both knew it.
I am sorry
A soft mumble from dazai as he left the office, his things weren't there anymore, kunikida felt devastated, he just sat there in the office, ranpo was watching from the corner, he knew it all, just didn't dare to interrupt, just saw for a few moments before leaving kunikida think about it.
Love can't always stay if it isn't allowed, no matter how hard the lovers try.