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Spinning Top sat on the edge of the void bath in front of her. The firelight of the candles bounced off her golden mask and into the void fluid under the grate, making it shine brighter than anything she’d seen before. Strangely, however, it didn't hurt her eyes.
She blinked, feeling suddenly significantly weaker than before. Gently, she held her heavy mask, readying herself to lay on the grate of the void bath. Spinning Top started humming, trying to comfort herself.
She put one talon in. “A pin for creche…” Pretend it's a slide your creche mothers gently pushes you down as a small child.
The other people around her looked at Spinning Top confusedly. She didn't pay any mind to the crowd and put the rest of her foot in. “A petal for spawn…” Pretend it's a game, and that all the void spawn here before are the winners.
She slowly pulled the rest of her body forward, now sitting on the sluice. “A drop of juice…” Pretend all the people that have laid on this sluice before and the ones that are here now are playmates.
She laid gently on the grate now, being careful not to show her face while laying her mask horizontally. She didn’t have the heart to sing the next line. Pretend… Her thinking changed, and her breathing hitched. Pretend your mothers and fathers are laying you to bed, as it always was.
Spinning Top clasped her hands together, resting them on her stomach. She shut her eyes tight, waiting for the burning sensation she had heard about to wash over her. The last thing she would ever feel.
But it never came.
When she opened her eyes again, there was nothing but a group of bright lights in an endless black sea. Below her was a mass of tangled tentacles and tendrils. Each worm creature was colossal and had a bright light where its head should've been.
However, Spinning Top took it all lightly. She felt as if all of her emotions were dumped far into the depths and were never coming back. Her playful demeanor dissolved along with her. She could only take meeting what was the closest thing to a deity she'd ever seen as a passing encounter, and so she did. After all, if she wanted to be one with the void, she had to be effortless. She did not bother to swim downwards and meet the creature's eyes, so she continued upwards.
Regardless of what Spinning Top was aiming for, the worm swam up to her with great force, pushing her with the movement. Its tiny head looked at and studied her long and hard. Its tiny claws on its tiny hands circled around her contemplatively. She stared into the golden eyes of the creature, feeling a burning sensation like no other. She did not flinch, nor did she say anything. She stood still, waiting for anything to happen.
After an eternity-long glare from the worm, a very sudden rush of pressure overcame Spinning Top. Her memories and emotions followed suit, quickly filling them. Despite any belief she had before about being effortless and null, she could not stop what was coming next.
Her eyes widened momentarily, trying to process everything that was happening.
She could not.
She hastily tried to grab at whatever she could and tried to scream for help.
She could not.
She tried to tighten her entire body and sob.
She could not.
Memories of her short life flashed before her, each giving her a sharp pain in her head. She stopped breathing entirely, feeling as if she were suffocating. Her eyes began burning, as if void fluid replaced her tears, much like the worm itself. The sheer amount of worm-like creatures and bright lights around her felt overwhelming. She felt as if each head of the creatures was aimed towards her, getting closer and closer. No matter what Spinning Top tried to do or wanted so, so desperately to do, she could not. She could not be anything, in a void, a place of non-being, of effortlessness, and yet she tried. Instead of doing any of those things, she stood there, eyes wide and frantic.
As if to tease Spinning Top, the worms revved up to boost down. They swam away, going down into the depths and to never be seen again, bringing yet another rush of pressure, pushing Spinning Top down. With the worms swimming away, the sea around her lightened in color, becoming almost blinding to look at, or to even be enveloped in. Every emotion that Spinning Top felt in that moment all dissipated as if they had never existed. She was once more left as nothing but a husk—a floating black silhouette in an endless void.
Spinning Top stood there, silently. She could not think of anything other than the white void she was in. She wanted to think of anything else so badly, but something felt like it was forcing her to stay fixed in one moment forever. Even though her mind filled to the brim with nothingness, her body began to push upwards. She was far beyond the point of no return, and her body knew there was no going back, and so it pushed.
She swam, going up in small increments. Spinning Top quickly felt herself stop. She tried pushing her arms down even further, but she did not move at all. She started panicking internally once more, but her body would do nothing but swim.
Spinning Top quickly realized that her body was changing immensely. Her skin was rapidly deteriorating and falling off, leaving a mass of golden flakes behind. Her golden mask started to soften and merge with her head painlessly, leaving it in a spinning sphere, constantly shaping itself into place. Her spine contorted and melted, along with the rest of her torso, into one malleable black form. Her legs stretched and melted into two, tentacle-like forms, glowing the same gold as her newly shaped head.
Spinning Top's arms started to disintegrate, and random, long, gold glowing tendrils began to sprout from her body. All of her senses dissolved, but she could still somehow tell everything going on around her. Her mind suddenly began to drift off for the first time since the ascension process's start, finally able to begin remembering better times.
———
“One thing You should All be taught young are the things that keep Us tied to the earth,” the creche mother told the group of children. “Of course, You All shouldn't have to worry about these for a long time. You should be able to live a full life before having to shed these Five Urges.”
She walked around the group as she talked, staring at each child through her mask. Her expression was entirely unreadable. “The first one, explained to You in simple terms, is hate. The anger We feel is innate, and hard to get rid of. The second is the opposite, the love We feel. I'm sure You All love something, whether it be Your Family, Friends, or Crechemates.”
“The next ties into the second. It is Your Friends and Family, the people You have strong bonds with. The fourth is Your attachment, Want, and oftentimes Greed. It is represented by food, but it can by itself mean a Want for Anything.”
“The next and final one is Survival. Our desire to stay alive. All of Us want to live a full and happy life, I am sure.”
The creche mother stopped speaking entirely. Her voice wavered and stuttered, as if wanting to add something else onto the end, but she did not. She continued on with the discussion regardless.
“Once more, these won't apply to You anytime soon, but they are important to know of, being one of the core beliefs of Our cities.” She looked away from the children and quietly added, dropping her formal choice of speaking, “Perhaps we should start doing more lessons on religion. They are starting to become more relevant by the day.”
———
Spinning Top stopped swimming and looked down at the tendrils that had dragged behind her for who knows how long. No matter what escaped her, her curiosity stayed much like she would.
She asked herself:
What did I do wrong?
———
Spinning Top sat atop a pipe in the void bathroom. She did not remember anything that happened in between the void fluid being poured over her body and her transformation. All she knew was that something happened that made her end up as what she was now. As she tried processing what had happened to her, she noticed the moderate group of people below her. They crowded around the entrance of the void bathroom, with a few lining up for the bath itself.
Spinning Top stared at the scene before her for a long time. Eventually, she tried moving closer to the ground, yelling as loud as she could.
“H-HEY..! WAIT!” Her body refused to move from its fixed spot. Her head jerked forward, and her neck stretched slightly in response. “I'M STILL HERE, I…”
No one looked up at her. They all looked straight ahead. The next person laid on the sluice, crossing their arms across their chest. Void fluid began to pour over them, dissolving every inch of their body.
Spinning Top's tendrils began to reach out towards the crowd subconsciously. “I… I…” Her spinning head began to shift faster and faster. “Does anyone notice where I am..?”
Her body curled up even more than it already could normally. “Please..?”
“...anyone…”
———
After an eternity of staying still and wanting to sob so desperately, Spinning Top mentally awoke to a purple, blue, and turquoise colored realm. The environment was structurally the same as the void bathroom she was once in, but an uncountable number of purple, floating creatures, similar to the void spawn she'd seen, circled around the area. They were much larger and much more visible than their golden counterparts. They circled around Spinning Top, as well, occasionally pricking at her.
She stared into space confusedly, but was still feeling too helpless to try to do anything. Instead, an innate behavior of her newfound form began to shift her perception of reality. She felt herself get smaller as the area around her distorted and rippled. She did not move an inch, nor say anything, nor did she even give a passing thought to what was happening.
She let herself disappear from this reality, letting herself go wherever her body pleased.
Anywhere but here.