Chapter Text
Music was blasting, lights flickering in every colour possible and everyone around him was either drinking, dancing or smoking. This was the first party of Sirius Regulus had ever attended but he would probably be present for the next ones as well. Moving in with him and his flatmate, Pandora a first-year university student made it hard to avoid the parties. After inheriting all their late uncle’s money last year Sirius immediately moved out while Regulus stayed with his mother. But two months ago, he had packed up his stuff and moved into the extra room of the flat.
He was currently sitting on a little couch in the corner of the living room sipping from the cup Sirius had put in his hands earlier. Looking up he could see him dancing with his boyfriend Remus thankfully not pestering Regulus about his mood. He just wasn’t in the mood to celebrate.
Someone beside him tapped him on the shoulder, looking up he could see Sirius and now also his flatmate Pandora. While Sirius and his friends were entering their last year of school after the weekend Pandora was already in her first year of university. It had originally been her flat, but she had been looking for someone who would rent one of the other rooms. When Sirius had moved in with her, he sometimes told Regulus about her weird habits and crazy sleeping schedule. But after getting to know her, albeit only having met her a few weeks ago, Regulus found himself liking her far more than he would have thought. Depending on what she wanted from him now though he wasn’t sure how much longer that would last.
“Reg, you can’t just sit here all night long! It’s your first party with us.” She yelled so that he could hear her. “You wanna dance?”
No. He really didn’t. Looking for an excuse his eyes fell on the door to the bathroom. It was closed but he knew who would be in there.
“Sorry Pandora, maybe later” with that he sat his cup down and quickly made his way to the bathroom.
Knocking on the door he could already hear his friends talking inside.
“Come on Dorcas. Let me in!”
There was a bit of shuffling inside the bathroom before the lock turned and the door opened revealing his best friend, Dorcas. In the empty bathtub behind her Barty and Evan were currently smoking out of their self-made bong. That’s pretty much how every party those three attended went. They’d show up mingle for a few minutes and then occupy the bathroom for the next few hours, hotboxing it. Most of the time he didn’t attend those parties. When living with his mother he simply couldn’t but he also never had the desire to go anyway.
Now Dorcas was smiling at him. “I’m happy you found us Reg, now come on lock the door, we don’t want the smell all over your flat, do we?” Too late for that Regulus thought to himself but he closed the door and sat down in front of the bathtub, while Dorcas returned to her spot next to Barty again.
“So, Reg I was just talking to Evan about that friend of your brothers. I think her names Mary or something. Do you happen to know if she’s single?” Barty asked him while passing the bong to Dorcas again.
“No, I don’t but please don’t hook up with my brothers’ friends especially those that go to our school, Barty. I actually have to see them now that I live here” Or just don’t hook up with anyone he silently thought but he couldn’t say that. Instead, he gestured to Dorcas to pass him the bong.
Inhaling the smoke, tasting the familiarity of it he blended out the conversation Dorcas and Evan were now having about some girl Dorcas thought was cute. School would start again after the weekend and he and his friends would all enter their 12th year. Sirius and his friend would be in their final year, but they could still have some courses together. Regulus just hoped he didn’t have one with Sirius.
Next Saturday he would apply at the coffee shop down the street. Sirius was currently paying both of their rents, but Regulus didn’t want Sirius to spend his inheritance on him so after seeing that they were hiring two weeks ago he decides he had to get a job. He felt so much older than he was. He moved out, had to start working and in less than two years he would be done with school and start attending university.
“Hey Reg do you have something for us to eat in the kitchen?”, Dorcas asked interrupting his thoughts.
Not wanting to go with them he just answered “Take whatever you can find”
He expectingly looked up to Evan who had just gotten out of the bathtub. Reluctantly he gave him his bag of weed. “Don’t smoke all of it, okay. I still need it”
“Thanks mate. I’ll give it back on Monday.”, Regulus said already putting some of it into the bowl.
“Yeah, whatever.”, Evan sighed.
Dorcas and Evan were already opening the door when Barty leaned down saying “Don’t sulk in here too long, okay. I know it’s not your kind of thing but it’s still a party. We’ll be in the kitchen.”
Regulus blushed and the hair on his skin started prickling. He could blame it on the weed because he knew for certain that he had long gotten over his crush on Barty years ago. Still the proximity and his hazy mind made that hard to remember.
Barty joined Dorcas and Evan in the hallway, closing the door behind him and Regulus was finally alone. Back when Regulus was still a kid, he was different. He still lived with both of his parents and Sirius in their big house. He didn’t know when he had changed. Maybe when their father had died or when Sirius left after their mom had found out he had a boyfriend and wanted to send him to boarding school. Regulus didn’t know when he had changed but he knew he had as a kid he was never alone. Now he could only calm down when there was no one else in the room. Other peoples’ conversations, their breathing their movements. All of it made him uncomfortable and anxious.
When he was a child silence was a punishment. The silence after a fight with his brother always the worst in a house where every other conversation was dull and emotionless. Now he welcomed the silence. Dreaded it in a room full of conversation and emotion. He took another drag.
The music outside suddenly stopped. Regulus glanced at his phone, but midnight had just passed so the party couldn’t be over yet. He put the bong on the tiled floor next to him, pocketed the weed and got up. As he made his way down the hall, he could already see two police officers standing in the hallway.
“Reg, please go talk to them.” Pandora said as soon as she spotted him. That was one of Pandoras qualities Regulus didn’t like. She hated talking to strangers. As if he was any better at it. But one of the renters would have to get rid of them so he quickly put the bag of weed into the purse of the girl next to him. He knew it was Lily Evans one of Sirius’ friends.
Just as he walked up to the officers Sirius appeared by his side.
“What seems to be the problem, officers?”, he asked innocently.
“Is this your flat?”, one of the officers wanted to know.
“Yes indeed. Me and my brothers.” Sirius answered pointing at Reg while handing over his ID to the man. The man quickly looked it over and then said.
“Turn down the music a bit will you. Otherwise, you’ll have to end the party.”
“Of course, officer. Have a nice evening!” Sirius answered smoothly.
As soon as the door closed Sirius turned to him.
“See, this is how you must handle them. They don’t really care anyway.”
Regulus just rolled his eyes and started walking away again as Sirius turned the volume up again. Wanting to get Evans weed back he made his way to the place where Lily Evans had just been standing but he found her to be gone.
“Do you know where Lily is?”, he asked the two girls who were still there. One of them was Mary MacDonald, the girl Barty found hot with Marlene McKinnon next to her which Dorcas has had a crush on for months.
“She just went home, Baby Black. Why, do you want something from her?”
“Doesn’t matter “, he muttered.
Regulus woke up, still in the jeans and sweater that he wore last night. The sun had already fully risen and was shining brightly through his window. His mouth was dry his clothes uncomfortable. Next to him Barty was still asleep. His light snoring made Regulus want to bang his head through the wall even though it was already hurting like hell. He just hated the noise snoring made. He didn’t know when Barty had made the decision to sleep over and Regulus was sure he hadn’t agreed to him sleeping in his bed. There was a phone number written out on Barty’s arm and Regulus stomach clenched at the idea that Barty would probably soon call whoever’s it might was.
Reaching for his phone he could see that his mother had texted him. While Sirius had broken off all contact as soon as he moved out, Regulus couldn’t. His eighteenth birthday was still a few months away and while Sirius had wanted to move out anyway Regulus didn’t really have a choice. So, he didn’t break off contact with his mother even if it might’ve been for the better.
Mum: But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a guardian, for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. Galatians, 3:26
That was all it said. It was always just a bible verse and Regulus never answered but she still sends them almost every day and that had to mean something, didn’t it. Although he hadn’t gone to church in a while and his mother wasn’t there to force him, Regulus still couldn’t quite let his faith go. He stopped believing a while ago, but you couldn’t just forget seventeen years of religion.
He sighed and put his phone away, then turned to look at Barty. He was still snoring but other than that he was quite beautiful. Messy brown hair falling into his face, some smudged eyeliner around his eyes and a small silver hoop in his lip, Regulus couldn’t help noticing it. He was basically surrounded by queer people, but he just couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. To admit that he was gay. Because that would mean that sooner or later, he would have to finally break contact with his mum. And that he just couldn’t do, because some part of him still hoped she would love him regardless.
His phone chimed again with a text from Evan reminding him to return his weed tomorrow. Regulus almost forgot but of course problems seemed to just be stacking up lately. By now Lily must have found it in her bag and he just hoped she would give it back to him.
With a bang his door opened, and Sirius came in wearing a band shirt with multiple holes in it and checkered pyjama pants. Judging by the length of them they probably belonged to Remus. He plunged himself into Regulus bed crushing his legs and stirring Barty awake in the process.
“What are you doing in my brothers’ bed?”, Sirius demanded.
“Fuck off”, Regulus answered for Barty who was still in between sleep and wake.
“Just joking Reggie, I know you are as straight as they come.”
Regulus just rolled his eyes. He could tell his brother. He knew that Sirius would even be happy about him being gay but saying it out loud would make it a thing. Would make it real. And he wasn’t ready for that. Would probably never be.
“Come on Reg, get up we need to clean the whole flat. Remus already started but since you live here now you have to contribute. And you” he turned to Barty, now finally properly awake “either help or get us some breakfast. We’re not a hotel.”
Not waiting for Barty’s reply Regulus got up and said “I’m gonna get breakfast, Barty will help you.”
Instead of listening to Barty’s complaints Regulus pocketed his phone and grabbed his headphones off his desk. On his way out he passed Remus, who must have slept over and Pandora. Mumbling something about getting breakfast he put on his headphones and closed the front door behind him.
On Monday Regulus woke up at five in the morning. He wouldn’t have to leave for another two hours and was likely the only one awake in the flat as long as Pandora hadn’t pulled an all nighter. But he just wasn’t able to sleep any longer. He wasn’t really all that excited for the new school year he had been attending the same school for seven years now and still had the same friend group that he had when he was 10 years old. He couldn’t imagine a life without them, didn’t know what kind of person he would be. But he saw them all throughout the summer anyway and school, while not being an issue grade wise for him, still sucked most of his energy out of him.
The overly full hallways, all the different conversations going on at once and the unavoidable drama that occurred every year. It was exhausting. He made his way to the kitchen, his headphones on listening to one of his playlists, and made a mug of coffee. On the kitchen table was an open pack of cigarettes which most likely belonged to Sirius. He took one and lit it. Judging by the ashtray in front of him Sirius and Pandora didn’t care about smoking inside. He had started smoking about two years ago but until recently he had to hide it from his mother. He knew Sirius didn’t approve of it either, but he never said something about, probably because that would be extremely hypocritical.
Living with them still felt weird most days. It was so different from living with his mum who would’ve hated everything in this flat. From the music posters to the alcohol and cigarettes openly laying around. There wasn’t even a single cross hung up anywhere and Regulus doubted whether Sirius or Pandora owned a Bible. It was strange but at the same time extremely freeing.
As soon as he and Sirius arrived at school slightly wet from the rain outside, Regulus left his brother to go and find his friends. It wasn’t as if he didn’t like being with his brother but living with him again was already enough. He didn’t need to start spending all his time with him again just because their relationship was back to where it was a few years ago. Besides Sirius had his own group of friends who he would rather hang out with, anyway.
He walked over to the stairs where Dorcas, Evan and Barty were already standing together.
“I mean she literally wrote down her phone number on my arm but now she can’t even text me back. Oh, hey Reg!”
“Morning.”, Regulus answered not particularly keen on hearing about Barty’s girl problems.
“Do you have my weed with you?”, that was Evan reminding Regulus yet again of that problem.
“No, I have to get it back from someone.”
“Okay no worries, mate just give it back when you can.”
Thankfully Evan never really made a big deal out of getting his stuff back, but Regulus would still have to retrieve it from Evans, who would otherwise just gift it to his brother as far as he could guess. He could see Mary MacDonald and Marlene McKinnon on the other side of the hall. Both were friends with Lily as far as he knew. Since moving in with Sirius and Pandora he had unwillingly been roped into hanging out with all of their friends. It could be worse but he would never admit that.
“Sorry guys, I’ll see you later”, he said before going over to Mary and Marlene.
“Is Lily in school today?”
“No, she’s sick, why? You have been asking for her at the party as well.”
“Nothing that concerns you, McKinnon.”
“No need to get defensive, Black. Just wondering.”
But Regulus had already turned around and walked away. He had his first class to get to and being late for one of McGonagall’s classes wasn’t a situation he ever wanted to face.
As he walking down the corridor that led to his class, he quickly checked his phone. That was when something or rather someone bumped into him.
“Can’t you watch where you’re going?”, Regulus asked annoyed, not even looking up. He knew it could have as well been his fault, but he really wasn’t in a good mood right now.
“Sorry, didn’t see you there. I’m James.”, the boy he had bumped into answered. Regulus had never seen him before; he would have remembered him. Chocolate brown eyes, warm skin and an untamed head of curly hair. His glasses sat a bit crooked on his nose and Regulus wanted to reach up and fix them. Before something embarrassing could escape his mouth he just quickly said
“Its fine.” and left the boy standing in the hallway.
He heard the boy calling after him, so he quickly disappeared into his designated classroom, rather enduring a gruelling chemistry lesson than making awkward conversation with the best-looking guy he had ever laid eyes on.
“No but like she was totally giving me heart eyes the whole night”, that was Dorcas retelling every smallest interaction she had with Marlene McKinnon during the party for the hundredth time.
“You haven’t had a single conversation with her, like ever. Do you even have her number?”, that was Evan crushing all of Dorcas delusions.
Just as he wanted to comment he heard the unmissable laughter belonging to his brother from across the cafeteria. He looked up and there he was. The beautiful boy from yesterday, walking next to Sirius with Remus and their other friend Peter Pettigrew on either of their sides. Regulus was sure that this boy had never been at the flat, nor had he seen him in school last year. Now that he could get a proper look at him, Regulus realised that his first impression definitely didn’t do this mans looks justice. That’s when the guy, James Regulus remembered looked over and gave him a small smile. He looked down hoping he wasn’t just caught staring.
“Who’s that guy with your brother?”, that was Barty.
“No idea, never seen him before. Maybe a new student?”
“Transferring his final year? That’s a bit impractical, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I guess”, was all Regulus could say, because Dorcas was about to finish her juice packet and the slurping together with all the noisy conversations going on beside them, that he was suddenly aware of made his skin crawl.
“Sorry guys, I’m outta here. Still have to copy biology before lunch is over.”
With that he stood up, trying to ignore the scraping of the stool against the floor and escaped to be yet again early to another class. He didn’t actually have to copy homework but that was all that he could come up with. Falling into his seat by the window, as the first person in the classroom he tried to sort his thoughts. At least it was quiet in here.
After about ten minutes in which he concluded that he had to sent his job application, clean his room and somehow get Sirius to talk about his new friend without it coming off as suspicious, the classroom started filling up. At last Lily Evans strolled in. Right, that was another problem he had to tackle. Seeing the seat next to his was one of the last to be empty he quickly waved her over
“So, are you feeling better?”, he asked while she was sitting down.
“Yes.”
“Great. Uhh…did you enjoy the party?”
“I did until I came home and found a bag of weed in my purse. Any idea how it got there, Baby Black?”
“Yeah, so I really need to get it back, any chance you got it on you?”
“That depends. What would I get in return?”
“A thank you card?”, he asked more than answered. Couldn’t she just give it back to him?
“Yeah, no. How about you come to the schools bookclub hosted by me today? We really need more members.”
“Fuck no. Only swots and friendless people go there.”, and he sure as hell wouldn’t sit in a circle with a bunch of strangers sharing thoughts about some general book.
“And what are you. I mean you do know you are one of the only two 12th graders in this class, right? Anyway, come to the meeting today if you want your stuff back.”
“Fine, just put it in my bag now will you. There’s no way I’ll survive that sober”
She rolled her eyes but reached into her bag.
“Alright class we’re off to another year learning about the wonders of nature. Shall we begin?”, that was Slughorn entering the classroom.0
“Miss Evans, what are you doing under the table?”
“Oh, nothing just picking up my pen”, she said giving him a big smile, when he nodded and continued his class she turned to him and hissed:
“That was really fucking close, Black.”