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“Hey, have you had lunch?”
Chris tapped Ben’s shoulder as he arrived at the ED to start his shift.
“Mate, don’t do that.” Ben glared at him as he had been startled while typing his reports.
“What? Did you think I was a ghost or something?” Chris just huffed at his friend and fellow emergency clinician, “how’s your shift?”
“The usual,” Ben sighed, “you’d think that there would be less shenanigan at early Tuesday morning, but that’s not the case. I’ve had three overdose patients, two car accidents, one stroke and two suspected heart attacks only in the last 4 hours since I’ve started and I still have a backlog of 5 on my list.”
“Ok, I’ll start on the backlog first then,” Chris then reached for the ED admission pile on Ben’s left, “which of the 5 is the highest priority?”
“Umm, maybe the boy at bed 8. He has possible fractures.” Ben grimaced, “and the mother is a bit scary.”
“Fractures should’ve been higher, Ben.” Chris frowned, “and kids generally have lower pain tolerance.”
“But it’s still non-life threatening,” Ben argued, “he’s breathing well, no open wounds and no heart or neuro complications, unlike my other patients.”
Chris sighed. Ben was right of course. In the busy ED like theirs, everything non-life threatening was much lower on the priority list.
“Not going to lie though, I’m glad it’s going to be you and not me. Kids are your speciality. The last kid I handled screamed bloody murder all the way through the treatment and then vomited on me. And don’t let me start on the parents, they are just so demanding….”
Chris smiled a little, “they are just worried for their kids, you know. They couldn’t do anything to ease their children’s pain, so they feel hopeless and anxious, and they lash out at the nearest people on their path.”
“That still doesn’t give them a right to be rude to the person who’s going to treat their kids.” Ben scowled.
“True.” Chris nodded, “but all we can do is be firm with them and project an aura of confidence.”
“Which is much easier for you because you look like a senior doctor, unlike me who looks like a pre-pubescent kid cosplaying as a doctor!” Ben was still scowling, “bloody Asian gene I tell you, I tried not shaving for a few days and all I got was this prickly, itchy, tiny stubbles instead of a respectable beard.”
Chris snorted. He sometimes felt sorry for Ben for looking so young although the man was 30 years old and a fully-fledged ED clinician with brilliant mind. It’s true that sometimes patients or their family mistaken him as Ben’s boss if they were working the same shift, which was really awkward because Ben actually graduated a full year before him.
“Come on, be thankful for your gene. It gives you that big brain of yours.” Chris patted Ben’s shoulder, “go for lunch now while you can, and I’ll go see the kid.”
Ben saved the report and sent it through the system before logging out of his screen, “you really should consider taking Paediatric speciality, you’ll be really good at it.”
Chris laughed, “let me enjoy not being an intern first, mate. Then we can talk about being a specialist.”
“Don’t think too long, before you know it, you’ll be pushing 50 and officially middle age.” Ben teased him.
“Go to lunch, Ben.” Chris glared at him, “before I change my mind and let you handle the kid instead.”
“You know I’m right.” Ben just grinned before quickly escaping to the cafeteria.
Chris shook his head at Ben’s antic, before grabbing the stethoscope and the file for the boy at bed number 8 and heading there.
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“Mummy, I’m hungry….”
Kate reached towards Oliver’s little backpack and looked inside for the lunchbox that she had packed this morning.
“Umm, there won’t be anything there, Mummy.”
Kate looked up to meet her son’s sheepish expression, “I’m pretty sure I packed lunch for you this morning.”
“I ate them all.”
Kate’s eyes widened. “You were only in school for a total of 2 hours before your incident, and you’ve eaten everything?”
“I was hungry, so I ate them during recess before I played.”
“A sandwich, an apple and a muesli bar all gone?” Kate still looked dumbfounded, “I need to adjust our weekly grocery order then if your appetite is going to be like this all year.”
“Is that bad?”
Kate smiled a little, “no, it’s not bad, it’s just an adjustment I need to make. You don’t need to worry. You’re growing, it makes sense that your lunch box should be bigger now that you’re in prep. I should have realised it.”
“Lucas shared his lunch with me yesterday, that’s why I could last until home time.” Oliver confessed.
Kate sighed, “you should’ve told me yesterday that you need more food at school, Oliver.”
“Sorry Mummy,” Oliver pouted, “I don’t want to bother you. You have a new job and since Grandma and Grandpa are not here yet, you are busy doing everything.”
“Oliver….” Kate squeezed Oliver’s hand, “it’s not your job to worry about me. On the other hand, your well-being is my responsibility, so I want you to let me know what you need, OK? Especially since we just moved here too. There will be a lot of new things you’re not used to, so you can ask me anything, I will always have time for you.”
“Grandpa said that I will be the man of the house for a few months until he gets here, so I need to take care of you.”
Kate shook her head, “no, Oliver. Grandpa Robert meant well, that he cares about me and wants someone to look out for me, but you’re 5 years old, that’s not your job. So, I need you to let go of that kind of thinking, OK?”
Oliver nodded, “ok, but I’m still hungry.”
Kate chuckled, “let me check my bag first. I can check the vending machine outside, but I don’t want to leave you, just in case the doctor is finally coming to look at you.”
She then frowned at her watch, two hours had passed since they had arrived at the ED, and no one had come by since the initial nurse assessment. She had checked a couple of times with the nurses already and they had apologised for the backlog. She really didn’t want to be that annoying person at the hospital and since she’s wearing her whites, she should be in her best behaviour, especially since this was only her 2nd day at her job at Stirling base.
She was rummaging her tote bag for any edible snacks that she could give Oliver when she felt the curtain surrounding them shifted. She looked up to see a scrubbed person closing back the curtain before facing them with an apologetic smile.
“Hi, apologies for the delay, I’m Dr Bla….”
The man stopped mid-sentence as his blue eyes met her green ones in shock. “X?”
Her lips curved up involuntarily as he blurted out her old call sign in reflex. “It’s been a while since I’ve been your XO.”
Chris was still staring at his old XO in disbelief; he hadn’t seen her since their joint farewell at the pub 10 years ago. Back then, she and Dutchy had moved to Sydney for frigate posting while he had moved to Perth to keep his family together, as Sally had moved back to her hometown to care for her ailing mother.
He couldn’t help noticing that she still looked the same, as if the passage of time hadn’t touched her except for a few lines around her eyes. But the three full bars on her uniform definitely represented extra years of hard work and sacrifice, and he felt a swell of happiness in his heart that she had managed to achieve the promotion that had so cruelly eluded her in the past.
“You’re a doctor now.” Kate smiled softly at him, strangely feeling a swell of pride on his achievement.
Chris smiled back at her, “yes, not an intern anymore as of a year ago. I can officially use the title now.” He then raised her eyebrows at her, “should I call you Commander McGregor nowadays?”
She waved her hand dismissively, “of course not. I’m not your boss right now. I’m just a mum being here for my son.”
Her words sobered him up quickly, and he sent her an apologetic smile before moving towards the bed and his patient. “Hi there, my name is Chris, I’m going to be your doctor for today. What’s your name?”
“Oliver.” The boy then looked at him curiously, “are you going to fix my arm?”
He sent a comforting smile to the boy, “I can try. But I need to look at your arm first, if that’s OK?”
“Is it going to hurt?”
“Maybe a little because I have to prod around the area,” he then looked at the admission file and frowned as there was no mention of painkillers being given since the boy was admitted, “are you in any pain right now?”
Oliver shook his head, “when I fell down the monkey bar, it hurt, but the school nurse gave me pain tablets, and it doesn’t hurt now.”
“I think the school nurse also did the tourniquet pretty neatly, so his arm hasn’t been moving around at all.” Kate added as she stood up from her chair for a better look.
“She did a good job,” Chris commented, “but unfortunately, I’d have to undo this to do proper exam for a few minutes, and I can put it back on afterwards. I’ll give him another tablet later on, or if he had to be admitted, I’d ask the nurse to setup an IV cannula and the meds could be administered that way.”
“Do you think he’ll have to stay overnight?” Kate frowned worriedly.
“If anything is broken, then yes. If it’s just a sprain, then no.” Chris replied while he started to undo the tourniquet. “Oliver, can you tell me how this happened?”
“I fell off the monkey bar.”
“Did you hurt your legs as well?” Chris tried to imagine the mechanics of the injury.
“No, no pain on my legs.”
“Hmm….” Chris hummed as he carefully prodded Oliver’s left arm from his shoulder downwards.
“What is it?” Kate looked at him questioningly, “I can tell you’re thinking of something.”
“Just a sec.” Chris could now see purple bruise around the elbow area and carefully trying to bend the arm. As expected, Oliver howled in pain.
“It hurts….” Oliver glared at Chris now, “you said it’d only hurt a little.”
“I’m sorry Oliver, but I need to assess your movement just now,” Chris looked at the little boy apologetically, “it looks like you’ve dislocated your elbow. I will order an X-Ray to be sure.”
“So, it’s not broken?” Kate looked on worriedly. She felt her heart stopped a beat when she heard Oliver’s cry of pain. “Is it like dislocated shoulder, where you just pop it back in straight away?”
“Unfortunately, no,” Chris quickly redid the tourniquet so that Oliver’s arm would be immobilised again, “elbow joint is a lot more delicate, so depending on the X-ray result, he might need an Orthopaedic specialist to fix this under general anaesthesia. If that’s the case, then I’d have to send a referral upstairs. Depending on the specialist’s availability, he might have to stay for a couple of days.”
“No school then?” Kate resigned herself to have to take leave from work for the unforeseeable future. There was no one else to care for Oliver right now with Robert and Anne still in Sydney finalising the sale of their house before moving to Perth.
“No.” Chris gave her a sympathetic smile. “I don’t know for how long he should stay home, that would depend on how bad the dislocation is, but I would say at least a week.”
She nodded and caressed Oliver’s hair, “did you hear that? You might have to stay home with me for a week.”
“But what about your important job?” Oliver looked at her sadly, “you just started yesterday.”
“You’re more important, Oliver.” Kate felt guilty that her son thought her job was more important than him. Maybe now that her role was mostly administrative, she could afford to relax a little bit?
“I’m sorry.” Oliver started to tear up.
“Sshhh….” Kate kissed his forehead softly, “it’s an accident, you don’t need to apologise.”
“It’s not an accident.” Oliver continued in a small voice. “I didn’t fell. I jumped from the top of the monkey bar.”
“What?” Kate looked at Oliver in disbelief, “why on earth would you do that for?”
“I’m sorry, Mummy. Some kids said that my dad got the medal because he killed people.” Oliver now cried in earnest, “I said that my dad got the medal because he was brave. That’s what you told me. So, they wanted me to prove that I was brave like my dad by jumping from the top of the monkey bar. And I did, but I couldn’t land correctly, and I hurt my arm.”
“Oh, Oliver….” Kate felt so helpless right now. “You are brave, you don’t need to prove it to anyone. Remember when you took all of your scheduled shots without complaining last year? You were brave then. You made friends on your first day at prep yesterday at your new school without knowing anyone. You were brave then. Your dad would’ve been so proud of you if he had been alive today.”
“Did my dad really kill people?” Oliver asked in between his bout of crying. “Was that why he got his medal?”
Kate cupped her son’s face gently but gave him a stern look, “your dad was a hero, he was brave and that’s why he got the medal. He saved the lives of his teammates that day, including your uncle Josh, uncle Leo, and uncle Billy. They are alive because of your dad.”
“But did he kill people?”
Kate sighed, she had hoped that she could postpone this conversation until Oliver was older, but some naughty kids in prep forced her hand now, which pissed her off. However, before she could continue her explanation, she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder, which made her realised that another person was still in the room with them.
“May I?” Chris asked permission to speak up, recognising her struggle.
“Dr Blake, I don’t think this is any of your business. If you can step away for a few minutes while I talk to my son, I will be very thankful.” Kate shook her head at him, not wanting to burden him with any of this.
“With all due respect, Commander.” Chris countered, “it’s my job to care for my patient’s wellbeing, physically and mentally. I think you’re reasonably upset right now and I’m afraid that could influence the way you talk to your son, which might end up upsetting him further. So, I think Oliver might need an impartial person to explain this concept to him.”
“Chris….” Kate said his name in warning.
“Kate, please.” Chris stared at her compassionately, “let me take on this burden for you.”
She found herself teared up at the earnest way he was looking to help her. It’s been a while since she had accepted substantial help from her friends. Robert and Anne were exceptions as they were technically her in-laws, they were family. But she had refused to ask more from her friends aside from the occasional babysitting duties.
“Oliver,” she started after a few seconds of silence, “would you believe that Dr Blake here also knew your dad?”
“Really?” Oliver’s eyes widened. His bouts of crying had turned to hiccups here and there now.
Kate nodded, “we all used to work in a ship called Hammersley, that’s how I met your dad.”
“Yes Oliver,” Chris now chimed in, recognising Kate’s invitation to intervene, “your dad and I used to share a room.”
“Did he snore?”
Chris laughed, “yes, although not as bad as another friend of ours. We used to have a bunk bed. I slept on the bottom part and your dad on the top bunk.”
“Cool.” Oliver looked fascinated at the fact that a new person in a new city knew his dad when he had been alive.
“Do you know what your dad’s job in the ship was?” Chris asked Oliver.
“He’s a buffer?”
Chris nodded, “do you know what the buffer does?”
“Not really.” Oliver shook his head.
“A large part of his job was protecting your mum, who was his boss.” Chris looked at Kate with a small smile.
“Oh….” Oliver frowned, “Grandpa always said that a man’s job is to protect the people he loves. I guess that make sense.”
Kate could feel her heart squeezed painfully at the reminder of her lost. Dylan had taken his role as a protector so seriously that he had ended up sacrificing his own life for others. His death had been noble, and she wouldn’t change who he had been as a person, but she sometimes wished that he could have been more selfish that day, so that Oliver didn’t have to grow up without him.
“Sometimes, bad people attacked your mum with a weapon, like a knife or a gun.” Chris continued, “and your dad had to prevent your mum from getting hurt, so he would also defend himself with a weapon. Do you understand so far?”
“Hu-uh….” Oliver nodded.
“In a few occasions, as a result of defending himself and your mum, he ended up killing those bad people.”
“So, it’s true then, he killed people.” Oliver turned sad again.
“But Oliver,” Chris spoke gently, “your dad is not a killer, there is a big difference there.”
“What’s the difference?” Oliver looked confused.
“A killer is someone who kills because they enjoy taking someone’s life. Your dad was a protector. His job was protecting his team from bad people. Killing people was not his purpose, protecting people was.”
Oliver frowned as he was trying to make sense of everything. “Have you killed people, Dr Blake?”
“Yes, I have.” Chris replied quietly, “I have been a police officer and then a Navy sailor like your dad. I have killed to defend my own life and innocent people’s lives. I have never enjoyed it. I would never purposely take someone’s live for the fun of it. I did it because it was my job to protect the innocent. And I can promise you that your dad thought the same. Those kids that mocked your dad today thought that your dad was a killer. But he wasn’t. He was a protector. Do you understand the difference now?”
“I think so.” Oliver nodded, “he was a protector. He was a good guy.”
“That’s right.” Chris smiled, “you look like your dad, you know. I’m sure you’re inheriting his good heart as well. And with your mum guiding you, you’ll be set for life.”
Kate couldn’t help admiring the man on the other side of the bed as he was taking on the task of explaining such a difficult concept with practiced ease. She had known for a long time that he’s an honourable man, and it’s nice to see that time hadn’t diminished that quality in him or that life hadn’t make him bitter or jaded.
"Ok, I’ve taken a lot of your time today.” Chris looked at his watch with a sigh, “I will order X-ray, get the nurse to setup an IV cannula for him and send a referral to the specialist, just in case. I’ll cc the specialist for the X-ray result as well, that way he’d know what to expect when he is making his rounds tonight. I’ll try to get Oliver a bed upstairs, but it’ll depend on the capacity up there. Just let the nurse know if you need to go home to get some stuff, that way they can keep an eye on Oliver while you’re away. Do you get all that, Commander?”
“Yes.” Kate nodded, “thank you Dr Blake. You’ve been very helpful.”
“Just doing my job.” Chris shrugged with a smile before addressing Oliver again, “take care Oliver. Don’t jump from any monkey bar anytime soon, Ok?”
“Ok, Doc.” Oliver then looked at him with hopeful eyes, “umm, I’m hungry, can I get something to eat please?”
Kate snorted, “sorry, he ate all his food within two hours of him being at school.”
Chris chuckled, “yes, we should be able to give Oliver some sandwich and bikies. I’ll ask the nurse for that too.”
“Thank you.” Kate smiled at him gratefully, “it’s good to see you again, Chris.”
“Likewise, Kate.” Chris gave her a nod before making his way to another bed on his list.
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“Hey.”
Kate looked up from her book to find Chris approaching her in the surgery waiting room.
“Coffee?”
The smell permeated from the takeaway cups on his hands caused her smile to bloom, “thanks, you don’t have to.”
“Kate McGregor without sufficient coffee intake is a dangerous person.” Chris said teasingly before giving her one of the cups and sat next to her, “I remembered the lesson very well.”
She glared at him playfully, “I’m not that bad.”
Chris chuckled a bit before turning serious, “how’s Oliver?”
“The specialist is fixing his elbow now.” Kate answered, “thankfully he had an empty slot this afternoon, so if all went well, we might be home tomorrow morning.”
“That’s good then, Dr Fraser is the best ortho in the whole state, so Oliver is in good hands.” Chris smiled gently in assurance.
“How do you know that I am here?” Kate raised her eyebrows at him. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to see you, I just figure that you must have a hectic schedule working in the ED. So, I didn’t think we’d get a chance to meet again after yesterday.”
“I might have taken a peek at Oliver’s file in the system to see where you guys ended up and his op schedule.” He looked at her sheepishly. “I swear I’m not a stalker.”
“You could have just texted me, you know.” Kate’s lips curved up teasingly, “in fact, Dylan and I were a bit baffled as to why you have never replied to our messages for all these years. I thought we were friends.”
“I’m sorry.” He sighed, “I lost my old phone with all your contact numbers not long after I moved to Perth. And I didn’t jot it down anywhere else. I should have tried going on Facebook or something to find you guys, but then things went from bad to worse here. Sally’s mum died, we separated and eventually divorced, then there was Chloe’s custody to negotiate, finding new place, and so on. Even if I managed to get anyone’s number, what could I possible say? Hey, my life is pretty shit right now, do you want to take a 6-hour-flight and grab a beer with me to cheer me up?”
Kate looked at him in sympathy, “at least we could have talked so you could vent. I’m sorry about you and Sally. And then the fact that you had to go through that alone without any support system around you.”
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t come to Dylan’s funeral too.” Chris finally said after a few minutes of silence following her words.
“It’s OK.” She smiled sadly, “Charge told me that you had exams that week that you couldn’t miss.”
“Yes,” he replied, “it’s a coincidence that I just bumped into Charge a couple of weeks prior to the news. I didn’t know he had moved to Pilbara for mining job in the first place. He just finished a fishing trip and went to the Fremantle market to grab a feed, and I happened to be there with Chloe. If I didn’t meet him then, I wouldn’t have his number to pass on my condolences to you.”
“Charge also said that you tried to get dispensation from the Dean to be able to take the exam at a later date, but since Dylan hadn’t been your current crewmate at the time of his death, they wouldn’t let you.” She bumped his shoulder lightly, “thank you for trying to be there for me.”
“I couldn’t imagine your pain.” Chris shook his head sadly, “I’m sorry that you had to go through it. Dylan was a cheeky bugger, but he was also a great bloke. Charge told me that you were heavily pregnant with Oliver at the time and that you two just got engaged before his last gulf deployment.”
She sighed and rested her head against the wall, “the pain has lessened after five years. It’s just a dull ache now and the occasional melancholy, unlike in the first few years. If I didn’t have Oliver and Dylan’s parents with me at the time, I would have given up and just ended it all. It hurt too much to keep going without him.”
“I’m so sorry.” Chris squeezed her shoulder gently, trying to support her now, even though he had been 5 years too late. “I’m glad that you’re still here though. That you’ve kept fighting.”
“I threw myself into work after two years of maternity leave, focusing on achieving something, so that I could forget my pain,” she continued contemplatively, “Robert and Anne, that’s Dylan’s parents, practically raised Oliver full time in the last three years. You were there yesterday when Oliver apologised to me because he knew I would have to take some leave from work since he couldn't go to school. Earlier, he didn’t want to tell me he needed more food in the lunch box because he didn’t want to bother me. That’s wrong, Chris. I have made my son think that my job is more important than him. I’m repeating my father’s mistake with me. I think that Dylan would’ve been disappointed in the way I’ve treated our son.”
“Kate, you were grieving.” Chris replied softly, “you did what you need to do to avoid succumbing to your own debilitating grief. Oliver is still so young, it’s not too late to mend your relationship with him. I presume your new job is a shore posting now?”
“Yes,” she nodded, “you’re looking at Deputy Head of Fleet Base West.”
He chuckled, “I should have known it’s a fancy job with three full bars on your shoulders now.”
She chuckled as well, “are you transitioning to be a Navy reserve? Or are you planning to be medical officer on board a ship eventually?
“Navy reserve is my plan.” He turned to meet her eyes, “I have full custody of Chloe now, and I can’t be gone for 8 months at a time. Hospital work is shift work, but at least I could either do school drop-off or pick up or I could prep her meals or help with homework depending on my shifts. And the staffs here take turns for weekend shift, so I could be at her sports’ meet on alternate weekend. She has good circle of friends whose parents’ I’ve known and trusted to help out with the logistics too. So, I think this is for the best.”
She stared at him with questions in her eyes, “how come you ended up with full custody now? Charge told me you had 50:50 with Sally.”
His eyes turned to steel remembering the ordeal, “it’s a long story.”
She didn’t push, sensing a difficult story. “How old is she now? And what is she like?”
“A teenager,” his eyes softened at the thought of his daughter, “14 to be exact. She plays field hockey in school. She likes biology, math, English and history. And she starts experimenting with baking too, so I got her a stand mixer for her last birthday. I’m happy that her activities are quite varied, so she’s not stuck with just stereotypical girls’ activities.”
“I remembered she used to follow you around and wanted to be a sailor like you.” She looked at him curiously, “is that still the case?”
He shrugged, “I don’t know. I’m not going to push her to a particular direction. Look, I’ve had three careers so far, and I’ve found enjoyment in all of them. So, I just want her to choose something that she would enjoy doing and could give her a reasonably comfortable life in the future.”
“You’re a good dad.” She smiled fondly at him.
He shook his head, “I don’t know if I’ve done enough for her. But I’m trying. That’s all you can do as a parent sometimes.” He then looked at her teasingly, “what about Oliver? With you and Dylan’s genes, I think that boy is destined to be in the Navy.”
“I hope not.” She sighed.
He frowned, “why not?”
“His dad was a Victoria Cross recipient. And I’m not doing too bad in my own career. Oliver’s last name would put a shadow over every achievement that he would’ve gotten throughout his career in the Navy. He would have high expectation placed upon him from the start and he would always be compared to his parents. That would be too much for anyone. Look at what happened yesterday at the playground with his peers at 5 years old. I could only imagine worse things in Cerberus or Creswell if he joined the Navy at 18.”
“What if he wanted to? Would you forbid him?” Chris understood Kate’s misgivings, but he really thought that it was up to Oliver to decide when he was older.
“Probably not.” She frowned, thinking of the possibility, “Dylan and I don’t do this job for the fun of it. We both believe it’s an honour to defend our country and to serve our fellow citizens. And if Oliver wanted to join for the right reason, then I would support him. I would tell him about my worries of course, but I wouldn’t outright forbid him.”
Chris nodded, “I think that’s the right thing to do as a parent. Give them the options, tell them the consequences of choosing said options, but let them make their own choices and just be ready to support them just in case it didn’t go well.”
“You make parenting sounds so easy.” She shook her head at him.
“That’s because I haven’t told you the full story,” he chuckled, “there were days where I failed too. Once, I sent Chloe to school with mismatch socks. Then I accidently switched her lunch box with mine and she got a salami sandwich instead of the usual ham and cheese. She cried when I picked her up that day because she thought I didn’t love her anymore for giving her the salami that she hated. I forgot it was Book Week one time, and I didn’t have a costume ready for her for the costume parade. She refused to speak to me on the drive home from school that day, only speaking to me again when I bribed her with a trip to the bookstore to buy any three books she liked. Parenting is bloody hard, Kate. Anyone that tells you otherwise is lying.”
“Thank you,” Kate reached out and squeezed his hand in gratitude, “for being honest, for not sugarcoating it, for telling me what to expect in the coming years.”
“You’re welcome,” he squeezed back her hand gently, “I’m sure you’ll do well with Oliver. But if you want to talk when you have a difficult day of parenting, I’m willing to listen.”
“I don’t even have your new number,” she teased him, “how am I supposed to vent?”
He laughed, “yeah, that would help, wouldn’t it?”
“You don’t have to give it to me if you don’t want to.” She suddenly felt self-conscious, realising that she might have crossed a boundary here. After all, they had just met again yesterday, she shouldn’t impose on him.
He frowned, “I was the one offering to listen to you. Of course you can have my number. You don’t have to give me yours if you’re uncomfortable with it though.”
Her lips curved up at his consideration, “I think we’re being ridiculous, Chris,” she then took out her phone from her tote bag and unlocked it before giving it to him, “here, you can type your number directly in mine, and if you give me yours, I’ll type mine in.”
He smiled at her before reaching to his pant pocket to fish his phone out and unlock it, “here you go.”
“Oh, Chloe is almost as tall as you,” Kate commented as she saw his phone’s wallpaper. “Is this her hockey uniform?”
“Yes, that was taken when she competed in Under-14 state competition last year.” He replied while typing his number to her contact app.
“Ok, you have my number now,” Kate handed his phone back, “try not to lose it again yeah?”
He chuckled and handed back her phone, “oh well, if I did, I could just visit you at the base office and ask again.”
“I think my diary is pretty full nowadays, who says that I’ll have time to entertain you?” She replied jokingly.
“I’ll just make an appointment then,” he joked back, “I’ll say to discuss my career pathway with you, surely you can’t say no to helping out a sailor in need of guidance?”
She huffed but ended up smiling at his teasing tone, “of course you can come by anytime. I’m just joking.”
“Well, maybe I can take you out for a lunch date then? And maybe dinner if lunch goes well?”
The silence that followed his question was so heavy that Chris started to sweat through his scrub in this freezing waiting room. He honestly couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth just now. Did he seriously just ask Kate McGregor out? What the hell was wrong with him? His long dry spell must have been rotting his brain from the inside.
He considered apologising and retracting his question for a few seconds, but he felt a strong desire to see her again, to have more time in her company, and to have many long conversations with her in the future. So, he stayed silent, just waiting and hoping for the possibility that she wasn’t offended and would consider his invitation.
Kate was frankly shocked by his question. She wasn’t sure she had heard him right the first time. But he didn’t retract his question, so she figured he was serious.
She hadn't thought about moving on since Dylan’s passing, even though Robert and Anne had broached the subject with her last year and had given their blessing if she had wanted to try again. So far, she couldn’t imagine anyone measuring up to Dylan. He had been larger than life itself. He had made her happy, he had supported her career ambition, and he had taken care of her in his own way.
But the man who had just asked her out was not a random man on the street. This was Chris Blake. She knew him. A gentle soul. An honourable man. A man whose caring nature had been evident during her time as patient in Hammersley’s wardroom or when she had observed him examining Oliver in the ED yesterday.
Dylan had once shared a story on how Chris had asked Bomber to put aside a few slices of Garlic Bread for her, to ensure she wouldn't have missed out on it when she had been late to lunch service, simply because Chris had known that it had been her favourite. Dylan had also told her that Chris had been the one giving him tips on how to make her brew correctly during their time in Hammersley. And apparently Chris still remembered how she took her coffee a decade later because the one he had just brought for her had been perfect. So maybe Dylan wouldn’t mind if she went to lunch with Chris? To see whether there could be something there?
“Lunch sounds good. But maybe not dinner just yet.” Kate finally replied.
Chris had almost lost hope the longer the silence went, but hearing her reply just now, his heart started beating faster.
“Not this week though, obviously,” Kate gestured to where they were right now, “but maybe when Oliver is back in school and I get through my first full week in the office? So, let’s say a couple of weeks from now at the earliest?”
Chris was struggling with how loud the sound of his heartbeat echoing in his ears right now; it’s almost deafening and it interfered with his ability to think and form a sentence.
“Hey, I might think that you’re regretting your invite just now if you didn’t say anything soon.” Kate poked his bicep with her index finger playfully when he stayed silent for the next few minutes.
He shook his head, “no, I’m just still in shock that you said yes to lunch. I’m sorry, I’m just so out of practice. I haven’t asked anyone out since I’ve separated with Sally.”
She stared at him in shock. “Why?”
He shrugged, “I was juggling parenting a child, working full-time and studying part-time for a demanding degree. I wouldn’t be able to spend enough time with whoever I was asking out and that wouldn’t be a good relationship. I’ve failed one marriage already; I don’t want to hurt anybody else.”
“I think juggling your ED job with having full custody of your daughter wouldn't make your schedule any better now.” She raised her eyebrows curiously, “so why me? Why now?”
“You are you….” He smiled at her sheepishly, “Sally used to suspect that I had a crush on you because my story from our patrol in Hammersley would always involve you and how great you were.”
“Really? No wife would like to hear her husband constantly praising another woman, Chris. Please don’t tell me that she put ‘praising another woman’ as one of the examples of your mishaps during your divorce proceeding?” She raised her eyebrows even higher.
“Of course not.” He shook his head with a small smile, “my marriage had plenty of problems that had nothing to do with me recounting valid stories of our successful patrol. What I meant to say was that I’ve always admired your drive at work and your relentless pursuit of perfection in everything that you do. I like that you valued your crews and their wellbeing. I like that you didn’t just want your crews helping you to succeed, but also to succeed in their own career paths, whatever that might be. I remembered that you noticed I was lagging in my mandatory professional development hours, and you were curious as to the reason for it instead of simply reprimanding me. When I told you it was because I spent too much time reading medical journals to improve the medic part of my job in my spare time instead of doing my mandatory coxswain training, you suggested that maybe I should rethink my career path and pursue a medic role instead of staying as coxswain. You were one of the reasons I was wearing this scrub today and being able to realise the calling that I had in my heart.”
Kate remembered that particular conversation during their last year in Hammersley. She hadn’t been surprised to see 2Dads’ name and a couple of other juniors who had been a regular in the HR's list of sailors who hadn't completed their hours, but she had been gobsmacked to see Chris’ name on it. When he had mentioned his reason, she had then started to understand his visible frustration and helplessness when he hadn’t been able to care for his patients for various reasons, be it limited equipment, limited resources, lack of knowledge or the time taken by his main role as the cop on board. Being a medic had not been his side job any longer at that point; it had turned into his purpose.
“You really don't have to take me to lunch to thank me though. I was simply doing my job as your divisional officer at the time. And your explanation, as nice as it sounds, still hasn't answered my questions before.” She knew that she was being stubborn right now, and Dylan used to say that she was like a dog with a bone when she just couldn’t let go of something. But she didn’t want Chris to ask her out just because of a perceive gratitude on his part. She needed more than that; she deserved more than that.
He chuckled as he recognised her stubbornness shining though and quietly asked for her hand for him to hold. She searched his eyes for a few more seconds while he braced for rejection, but in the end, she must have found what she had hoped to see in his eyes because she gave her left hand to him and entwined their fingers together.
He then held their joined hands tightly while he took a deep breath before replying, “I asked you out because I like our conversation just now. And I want to have more of it with you. I want you to share with me what your current likes and dislikes are, and what your next career aspirations are. I want to know your opinion on the state of the world we’re living in, on climate change, on gender equality in our workplaces, and on many more current topics in our lives as global citizen. I want to know any of your dreams that you haven’t realised yet. And once you’ve told me, I want to help you achieve it. I want to spend much more time with you. And eventually, I want to take care of you, not because you couldn’t do it, but because it would be an honour to do so for you. And if you let me in the future, I want to help raising the boy who is a carbon copy of Dylan but with your green eyes, not because you haven’t done a good job, but because I know how hard parenting could be and I want to share that responsibility with you.”
“Chris….” Kate could feel tears pooled in her eyes right now. And for the first time since receiving the phone call from the Chief of Navy to inform her of Dylan’s death five years ago, she could feel little pieces of her broken heart started to heal itself.
“I’m not done….” Chris caressed the corner of her eye, brushing one lone tear that had escaped before continuing, “as to why today and not any other time since my separation, I think it’s because I’ve finally known myself well enough now. I have sat with my own thoughts and truly listened to it. I know what I want to do for the rest of my working life because I have found my purpose. I’m happy enough with my life as is. So, I could come to our lunch as your equal. Not in terms of job rank or anything, but in knowing that I have enough to offer you; that you don’t have to do the hard yard of propping me up if we're together. And that I’m mature enough to respect your decision if you don't think I’m the right person for you.”
“You can’t just say stuff like that to me.” She whispered weakly as part of her was in disbelief at the turn of event in the last 24 hours. She had never had any intention to seek him out even after accidentally meeting him yesterday at the ED, let alone holding his hands and having him explain in detail as to why he wanted more time with her. This felt like serendipity, a happenstance, a beautiful coincidence in her life, and she didn’t know how she was lucky enough to experience another possible shot of happiness.
“Of course I can,” he smiled softly as he was brushing the tears that was currently failing on her cheeks, “you are allowed to be skeptical of what I just said though. All I ask is the chance to prove my words to you through my actions in the future, starting with lunch in a couple of weeks."
“Chris, I got engaged and had a child with the last person who had said that taking care of me had been an honour.” She whispered again, this time with slight mirth in her voice, “you better be careful of what you’re getting yourself into, lest you get trapped.”
“Is it a trap if the prey goes into it willingly?” His full dimples showed up in amusement.
She chuckled before letting go of his hands and rummaging her tote bag for a tissue. She blew her nose into it and wiped her tears away, “Gosh, I must look terrible right now,” she smiled sheepishly at him.
He shook his head at her, “of course not, you could never look terrible in my eyes.” He then took her left hand again and held it against his thigh, “I have to go back to my shift in the next 10 minutes, but can I call you tonight?”
“You just made a woman a mess and then running away,” she glared at him playfully, “of course the least you could do is to call me tonight as an apology.”
He laughed, “is there a particular time that suit you?”
“What time is your shift ending?” She looked at him thoughtfully. “Then presumably you would need to drive home and spend time with Chloe before her bedtime. Would 11 pm give you enough time to do all your usual routine?”
“Maybe 11.30 pm.” He looked back at her in gratitude at her understanding, "I usually go to bed around 12 or 1am at the latest when I have a midday start. A phone call with you before I fall asleep sounds good.”
Her lips curved up in amusement. “Are you trying to say that talking with me would have the same effect as drinking chamomile tea before bedtime? Some sort of relaxant to help you fall asleep faster?”
His own lips curved up before he replied teasingly, “I can think of a much better activity to relax ourselves before bed, but sadly you wouldn’t be in the room with me, and frankly, your voice wouldn’t be enough for that purpose. I’m more of a hands-on kind of guy.”
The silence that followed was deafening.
At first, he felt pride seeing her stunned expression, as it’s not every day you could make Kate McGregor speechless. She normally always had the last word in every conversation due to her competitive nature. But on second thought, he couldn’t believe his own audacity. It was as if an unknown spirit had possessed him just now. He’s not a shy person, but he normally had much better brain to mouth filter around people. He was trained extensively on how to speak with members of the public for all his jobs, how to never say the first thing in his mind, how to speak diplomatically with neutral expression. It seemed that all those trainings just went out the window when he was facing the woman in front of him.
“I think you should go now.” Kate cleared her throat pointedly, “your ten minutes are almost up. I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
“Yeah, sure.” He let go of her hand and then stood up from his seat awkwardly, “um, are you still OK for me to call tonight?”
“Yes, I look forward to your apology call tonight.” She replied with a curt tone.
He didn’t dare meeting her eyes right now, so he looked down to his feet as he was saying his apology. “Sorry, I was out of line before.”
The next thing he saw was her hands reaching for his face. And then her amused eyes came to his line of view.
“I’m not mad.” She said with a smile while her hands were cupping his cheeks. “I was just surprised. I’ve never known this playful and carefree side of you. The closest I’ve seen a glimpse of it had been during that outing at Luga Bar where you expertly spun me around in the dance floor and laughed freely with me and Dylan. And it made sense that you reserved that part of yourself for Chloe and Sally back then, because you are a private person. Now I’m looking forward to seeing this side of you as we get to know each other deeper. And maybe one day, I would be able to help you relax before bed with a hands-on activity that we both enjoy.” She then tilted her head a little bit and narrowed her eyes at him challengingly, “what do you say to that?”
He took both of her hands away from his cheeks and brought them to his lips to kiss her knuckles gently instead of answering. And in the end, he pulled her to his arms for a hug.
She huffed in surprise at his move, but his warmth quickly seeped through her soul and she closed her eyes in surrender.
The last time she had felt truly enveloped by a hug had been when Dylan had hugged her before he had stepped onboard Paramatta for his last gulf deployment. She hadn’t been able to stop crying that day. It had been as if she had known that she would’ve never gotten the chance to hug him ever again. She had made him promise repeatedly that he would come home to her. And he had swore that he would. But she had forgotten to specify that she had wanted him to come home alive. In the end, he had fulfilled his promise, he had come home, but it had been inside a wooden coffin covered with a flag instead of on his own two feet.
She had never felt the kind of warmth that Dylan had exuded from his hug again until this very moment in Chris’ arms. She felt guilty that she felt like this from another man’s hug, as if she was betraying Dylan. But it had been a hard 5 years without him. There had been days where she had felt so lonely in her own house, even when Oliver had been sleeping in the bassinet next to her bed during the first 6 months of his life. Was it wrong that she now latched on to the man that could give her that warmth again? Would Dylan forgive her for trying to be happy?
“I better get going….” She heard Chris’ whisper in her ear, and she reluctantly let go of him.
He must have sensed her sudden melancholy as she found him looking at her worriedly.
“Are you OK?” He asked while holding her hands gently.
“Yeah.” She gave him a sad smile. “I just remembered the last time I hugged Dylan.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t hug you again until you’re ready then.” He looked at her with sympathy in his eyes. He had learned over the years that grief could be tricky. Sometimes certain things like a particular smell, sound, sensation, or action could trigger deep sadness once more, and he wanted to avoid triggering Kate's if he could help it.
She shook her head, “no. I want your hugs all the time now. Because for the first time in 5 years, a hug had managed to give me a sense of safety again. It’s just that wanting your hugs feels like a betrayal to Dylan. And I need to deal with that.”
“I understand.” He gave her a quick kiss on her cheek, “you just need to let me know what you’re comfortable with. I promise to follow your lead from now on.”
Kate smiled softly at his promise before looking at her watch, “ok, you really should go now. I’ll talk to you tonight.”
He was about to reply when his phone rang. He sighed and took his phone out of his pocket. It was Ben of course, and he pressed the hang up button and sent Ben a quick text instead.
“Sorry, duty calls. I’ll call you tonight, OK?” He squeezed her upper arm gently, “say Hi to Oliver and hopefully he’ll feel so much better after the surgery.”
“Ok.” Kate then reached up to kiss his cheek and she could feel herself blush at her own gesture. “Have a good shift.”
He could only nod as his phone rang again. He rolled his eyes as he saw Ben’s name and this time pressed the answer button, “mate, I’m coming, you don’t need to call me again.”
“Not fast enough. Just got a call. Head-on collision at Kwinana Freeway. 6 patients, including 2 toddlers, ETA 15 minutes.”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’ll be there in 5.”
Kate smiled as his face turned into his familiar work mask, which back then had been reserved for boarding situation. It’s like a switch has just been turned on. “Go. I’ll talk to you soon.”
The corner of his lips curved up a little bit and his hand reached up to caress her cheek briefly before he turned and fast-walked towards the lift at the end of the corridor.
She saw him typing on his phone while waiting for the lift to come, and she felt the vibration in her jeans' pocket a few seconds later. She looked at her screen and it had a new message from him.
Chris (17:03): Missing you already. Talk tonight.
She looked up to see whether he was still in front of the lift and she only just managed to catch him sending her a small wave and a smile as he then stepped into the lift.
She waved back in reflex, and she found herself feeling slightly giddy at the interaction. A feeling so foreign but familiar at the same time, as it had been so long since she had felt that way.
“Commander McGregor?”
She turned towards the other end of the corridor and saw the specialist approaching her, “Dr Fraser? How’s Oliver?”
“Everything went well. I’ve reset his elbow and put it in a splint. He’s in recovery room right now. And should be awake in the next 30 minutes or so. I’ll get the nurse to let you know when he’s awake and you can see him. I must go to my next patient now, but I will see you and Oliver during my rounds tonight around 8pm and I’ll explain what’s next in his treatment plan.”
“Thank you for your help, Doc.” She smiled at him in relief.
The specialist nodded and went back to the surgery area inside.
She was alone in the waiting room once more, but she got a sense that her journey forward would not be as lonely as the last 5 years had been. And for that, she was extremely grateful to the universe for putting her in Chris’ path yesterday.
.
.
The end for now....