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Seongje was roaming the streets as he did so often, cigarette in mouth puffing out a smoke of nicotine into the air. This wasn’t like his usual late night walks though, he hopes no trouble finds him and after the destruction of the union he’s sure he will get his hope.
This was a walk of loneliness and a feeling he can't quite pinpoint. Na Baek-Jin is dead, not just disappeared, not just taking a break, no he was gone forever and Seongje didn't know how to feel about it.
He hates that the last time they talked was him storming out of the warehouse telling him not to reach out anymore. He had meant what he had said, he did not enjoy being disrespected but at the same time he wished that hadn't been the last conversation ever.
He sometimes finds himself wishing that he had taken Sieun up on his offer to help them out because then maybe he might have some actual friends and wouldn’t be alone on a Friday night. He had hoped Na Baek-Jin would be that friend but it seems it was only one-sided and there was no chance of changing that now.
He feels his mind drift to what Sieun and his group of friends were doing, they were most likely all hanging out together but what they were doing was always a mystery. It could be basketball or maybe studying in the library or at Baku’s dads restaurant messing around and annoying everyone in there. Seongje wished he had something like that waiting for him, he just had roads and roads of uncertainty and no one to follow him down them.
He’s so lost in thought that he doesn't notice the anxiety crawl up his back and come in through his ears, filling his head with lies and insecurities. He’s normally able to distract himself before it gets too bad by either talking to Baek-Jin, playing video games or even beating some Eungang bastards within an inch of their lives.
He does notice when his breaths hitch when a particularly cruel insecurity makes itself known, his walking becomes staggered and uncoordinated and he ends up smashing straight into someone’s chest.
“Seongje.” He knows immediately who he’s ran into when he hears that voice. The exact group of people who had been part of the spiralling thoughts.
Just his luck.
—-----
Juntae had such a lovely evening out with the boys, they had eaten at Baku’s dad’s restaurant and then had taken their business to an arcade nearby and played games until the sun had gone completely from the sky.
Since the Union had ended, the group had invested more time into each other, even incorporating Suho into their meetings as well. Baku was still down about Baek-Jin and had admitted that sometimes he just needed some space to process things. No one ever pressured him and they kept the unwavering support like he had always done for them.
They were on their way back to Juntae’s house to watch a movie and probably sleep over but nothing was confirmed yet. With his parents always out of town, the plans didn't need to be confirmed until the boys were already sprawled out on the floor.
He was so deep in thought that he hadn't had time to move out the way before he collided smack into someone else. It’s late so he isn't sure who else would even dare be out at this time but when his gaze dropped and he saw the familiar orange windbreaker he knew who it is instantly without even seeing his face.
“Seongje.” He can already see out of the corner of his eye that Baku and Hyuntak had both instantly tensed and in the average situation, Juntae would have to. He can already see that it’s far from that.
Seongje prides himself on showing no weakness because he believes that's what it takes to get validation and love back. Bumping into someone when they have the whole road to themselves is not something that happens if a person is fine and dandy.
Seongje also isn’t gripping onto Juntae keeping him in place, if anything it's the other way around. He seems to be keeping Seongje upright and in place. He raked his brain for how to help him out, he knows the problem. Some sort of panic attack.
Before he can decide on the best course of action, Baku is moving and chucking Seongje onto the floor, gripping the front of his windbreaker and a fist ready to knock all his teeth out.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing!” Baku spat, trying his hardest to do what's best but losing his battle the more his question goes unanswered. Something in Juntae clicked and he realised what’s going on, Seongje isn't present, he’s stuck in his mind. He can't hear or see Baku so the threat doesn't exist, that’s why he hadn’t flinched yet.
“Baku.” Sieun spoke up before Juntae could get the chance. “Let him go.” Baku looks back in shock and confusion but slowly lets go of the windbreaker and takes several steps back.
Sieun stepped forward and tried to assess the situation, his gaze wasn't even focused let alone any of his other senses. Sieun stepped back again when he realised that Seongje raised no threat to the group.
Juntae took the next step and slowly approached the boy, kneeling down on the ground in front of him. He was shaking violently, his gaze stuck to the floor and from this closeness Juntae could feel the wheezing and rattling from lack of oxygen.
“Seongje.” Juntae reached out hesitantly and placed gentle hands on top of Seongje’s own hands. He gripped them but Juntae can tell he doesn't have enough sense of reality to probably grip his hands. “Can you hear me?”
“H-Hold.” Seongje stuttered out, tears falling down his face at a steady pace. Juntae can see him trying to talk more but it seems his throat is stopping him from saying anymore. Seongje hangs his head in shame.
Juntae interlocked their fingers, he’s not scared like Baku and Hyuntak seem to be because he knows what it’s like to be in a vulnerable position and have people stand around and make it even worse for you, he would hate anyone to feel the way he had to.
“Ok ok.” Juntae sighed and tried to collect his thoughts before he spoke. “Seongje, focus on my hands. Let it ground you.” Seongje lifted his head and looked at Juntae with somewhat scared eyes.
The wheezing seemed to disappear with the wind and was replaced with the calm beating of both their hearts. He still looked scared, like a lost kid in a supermarket. Juntae knows how he is feeling all too well.
Once Seongje seemed to be more aware of his surroundings he is straight to his feet and hurrying off in the direction he had been heading, Juntae wants to go after him but knows how he would feel if he wanted space after a panic attack and the group continued to crowd around him when he clearly just wanted space.
He would be sure to ask Baku for Seongje’s number later on so he could check on him. He wondered what the boy was up to now the union was over.
—---
As much as Seongje wanted to stay around with the group, he can tell that his presence wasn’t wanted. He was a bad guy after all, a villain and to Baku and his friends he was unredeemable.
Seongje wouldn't lie that it was nice to be cared about for once in his life even though it was short lived, it was probably the most comfort he had ever received in his life and it had come from the unlikelest of places.
Seongje watched from an alleyway nearby as the group carried on their walk down the road, something in his heart ached when he realised that he would probably never have that kind of friendship.