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“The lieutenant didn’t really like it, y’know?” It was a conversation they were having over drinks, one Tsuruno overheard the moment he arrived at the headquarters, earlier than he had announced.
Tsuruno didn’t like to pressure his men too much. On slow days like these, he’d sometimes allow them some time of leisure, just to not burn them out. He’d found out it helped with morale and energy – it was a win-win situation.
He was also not one to eavesdrop, usually respecting his subordinate’s privacy, despite not really being obligated to. But this situation seemed to be related to Shishido… Would anyone blame him for wanting to know just what is going on?
“Yeah, well, he never really likes it, from what I gather.”
“Well yea—”
“What are you guys talking about, huh?” In the presence of the captain and his question, the men sat straight and seemed nervous to even speak further about whatever had them invested seconds ago. Though they were so hesitant, Tsuruno stared on, waiting.
“It's… It's about the lieutenant.”
“Yeah? What about him.”
“He just doesn't seem to like… intimacy.” Huh? Tsuruno stares, eyebrows knitted as he tries to make sense of this. Just the other day, they had spent almost a ridiculous amount of time spooning each other. The moment they spent together, the touches and the soft words… Didn't he enjoy that? There was no way he didn't. It was ridiculous to think he didn’t.
“Now, how did you reach such an outrageous assumption?” Dammit, he was supposed to put a stop to this but, he finds himself trying to at least find some answers.
“Well, whenever we go out and girls try to hit on him, he never reciprocates. Hell, he doesn’t even want to get close and personal with some hostesses sometimes...”
“That sounds like a preference, to me.” Tsuruno says, though he would’ve thought someone with so much to learn about the outside world would jump at the chance of being intimate with a girl. It didn’t matter, though, now that he got his answer, he could glare at the others for gossiping.
“It doesn’t matter, boys. Find a better topic, someone’s preference of intimacy shouldn’t ever be base for gossip – much less a subordinate.”
“R-Right! Sorry, sir, we didn’t mean to sound rude. We were just concerned.”
“Yeah? Well, he is a big boy, he’ll figure it out. Just let him be.” And that was the end of that, he assumed. Though, knowing them, they’d probably want to try and ‘help’ Shishido in some way or the other.
Sighing to himself, Tsuruno decided to go to his private room. He’d wait for Shishido to arrive back at the quarters to have a good chat, maybe a few drinks… And who knows if he’d also touch upon the subject of intimacy. Dammit, he wasn’t any different from the other guys, after all.
Approaching the door, though, some noise makes him pause, freezing his thoughts. His eyes squint as he leans to the door…
“Y–Yuki…” The voice whispers in shaky breaths and hushed moans. There was no doubt,... that was Shishido’s voice. Tsuruno immediately felt his face grow hot. Had he taken a wrong turn? He glanced to one side, then to the next, and could confirm that he was at the right door. The door to his private room.
Why was… Shishido there? But, more importantly, he was moaning the name of someone. He thought he heard things, but the voice repeats it for him, and it makes his heart jump. Because that’s his same name… Though that is also a common name girls have.
Oh! Didn’t that mean that Shishido had someone in his sights? A girl with the name Yuki… A girl that evoked something in him, enough to have him touching himself to her when his subordinates thought that he didn’t even like intimacy.
Damn, he should be moving… He should be leaving and yet, he stands there, hearing the other, invading his privacy without him even knowing. Tsuruno, let him be. He doesn’t know how long it took him to actually leave.
. . .
The touch is rough and shaky, it’s inexperienced and desperate. For a while, he hadn’t felt like doing something like this. For a while, even the thought of something remotely close to that repulsed him – it was a reminder of his past.
But, today, the thought lingered in his head. The moment when he sat on top of the captain, touched his strong back, slid his fingers around, and ultimately kissed the bare skin. His captain had allowed it, he seemed pleased, he let it happen. Shishido never expected for intimacy to feel so pleasant, so sacred. He found himself wanting to adore Tsuruno further and, soon, the thought of that night woke something in him.
A desire, a passion he didn’t think he could possess.
He wanted Tsuruno. He wanted him so badly, but he couldn’t have him. No, he respected his captain, more than anyone else.
When he left today, he felt a little empty. Not being invited to go out with him always left a bitter taste in his mouth. But now, that acid burned harshly… He needed Tsuruno.
So, when the other boys were distracted, he pretended to take his leave, instead returning and walking over to the captain’s private room. There, where they had been the moment in which he massaged him. There, he would be able to smell him, to feel his presence, the remnants of his actions before going out.
So, he sat on the floor, pulling some of the sheets near him, taking a deep breath, his Captain’s scent led him away.
And he fantasized.
Tsuruno below him, squirming, calling out to him, begging… Tsuruno being his.
“Cap–” he paused, eyes opening, half-lidded. When they were alone, they could use their first names, couldn’t they? That night, Tsuruno proved it to him.
“Y–Yuki…” He whispered as he continued the fantasy. “Yuki…”
Though it surely wouldn’t compare to the man, he loved it. This sensation, this euphoria.
No disgust, no shame, just his lovely captain and him, in his dream.
. . .
When Shishido walked out of the room, he felt a shiver run down his spine. One last look, to make sure everything was clean, and in its place. A sigh of relief comes out before he closes the door. Starting to walk, he feels his shoe slip slightly and it makes his nervousness rise. Looking down to the ground, he notices he had stepped on a handkerchief, one he recognized as his Captain’s. Strange, he didn’t remember seeing that when he went in before. Maybe he had been too hasty. Even so, he crouched, grabbed the handkerchief and saved it.
Finally, he continued on his way, jolting once more when he heard footsteps coming from the corner he was about to turn to. There, he meets the framed eyes of the man he was dreaming about just minutes ago. It almost feels surreal to meet like this.
Shishido swallows quietly, feels a sweat run down as he prepares himself to speak.
“...Hey, Captain,” he manages to say, which makes Tsuruno's eyebrow raise.
“What is it? You sound nervous, Shishido. Are you on your way to see someone, perhaps?”
“Huh? No… No, Captain. Why would you think that?”
“No reason… Was just wondering.” Tsuruno clears his throat, he places hands on his hips, glancing to the side, almost as if he were about to whistle. “I mean… You would tell me if you had something… important you’re keeping from me, right?”
“Wh…” Oh no , Shishido feels a cold sweat coming on. He plays it cool. “Of course! But… uh, more importantly, you’re here earlier than we expected! Did something happen?”
“No, everything is alright…”
And the two remain there, paused. Shishido places a hand on the back of his head, scratching nervously.
“W…Well, you must be tired, sir. I'll get out of your hair.”
“Wait, Shishido!” Tsuruno's hand holds the wrist of the other, stopping Shishido on his tracks. “Don't you wanna go out, maybe? I got time.”
“Huh? With you, Captain? I'd like that…”
“Yeah? Nice! We could go out to that hostess club you guys frequent.” Tsuruno waits for a reaction, but it doesn't come over. “You know, the one with that one famous hostess… Yuki , was it?”
Shishido's eyes squint, his expression turns to one of confusion before his eyes finally widen.
“Oh, right! The guys really like to go there… Are we all going, then?”
“No, it'll be just you and me. We'll go and have Yuki all to ourselves.”
“Ah– oh! That's… awesome.” Shishido's head repeats the first sentence, so much so that he doesn't even register the second part. He seems to glow as he nods, seeming eager to get going.
Tsuruno falters. Somehow, that reaction, the one he would've expected from someone that is going to see a person they like, leaves a sour taste in his mouth. If Shishido liked that girl, he should pursue it, that was his initial thought, the whole reason why he was trying to do this. Brush that strange feeling aside, Tsuruno, you have to help this helpless boy out. A breath comes out, he tries ignoring how his head started to spin, instead shaking it.
“Right! Let's get going!” Tsuruno says and Shishido happily follows.
They arrive at the club relatively quickly, managing to get a table. Tsuruno asks for the hostess almost immediately, right after they got some of their drinks brought to the table.
“Ah, unfortunately, Yuki is busy for the night. But we have amazing hostesses still available. Would you like a list?”
“Nah, can't we get Yuki? We'll pay double or triple if need be.” To Tsuruno's words, Shishido replies with a turn of his head toward him.
“I'll see what we can do. Give me a moment.” The host said before walking away. Finally, Shishido spoke.
“You really want to meet that hostess, huh, Captain? Is she your type?”
“Huh? No! I don't even know her. Didn't you guys meet her? Don't you… like her?”
“Me…?” Shishido pauses to try and analyze it, his hands form a fist on top of his legs. He can be honest with the Captain. He shakes his head. “No, I actually don’t.”
“What? Really?”
“Really… I don't get what they see in her. Sure, I guess she is cute, but she is… not my type.” Shishido's head turns away toward the table. He wanted to distract himself a bit, feeling exposed as he conversed. He grabs one of the glasses. “Honestly, I don't think that name suits her, anyway… Yuki only suits you , as far as I'm concerned, Captain.”
Somehow, that was the sign Tsuruno needed. That little comment that might have been seen as just flattery any other day, was the right sign.
Tsuruno started to connect the right dots and, the more he thought about it…
“Captain? Have you already been drinking without my notice? We haven't even ordered the best drinks yet.”
“Huh? Of course not, Shishido! Why would you even think that?”
“Well, your face is red, sir. Are you okay?”
“Oh! I was just realizing something.”
“What did you realize?” Shishido's head tilted a little, curious, even the drink in his hand was just an afterthought now.
“You and I… we're much more similar than what I thought. Especially when we're… all alone. ” It's a confusing comment, Shishido thinks, he lets a lingering ‘uh-huh…’ come out before Tsuruno stands. “Well! Let's go get drunk!”
“Wait, but… weren't we going to hang with one of the hostesses here? We didn’t even get to start drinking.”
“Naaah, I changed my mind. Just you and me is just fine. Let's go drink back at the quarters, far away from the others.”
He saw it again, the shining glint in Shishido's eyes. That also made sense now, just like the full relief and happiness Tsuruno felt when he saw it.
And that happiness on his captain's face was all he needed to enjoy his evening… Maybe, he'll discover the meaning behind his captain's words the more they drink together. That handkerchief he had saved felt like a clue to it, one he didn't feel like thinking about further.
For now, he'd let his captain keep his secret, just like he kept his own.