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Regret.
It was the only word that could fully describe the feeling that surged through Pauline’s body as she entered the graveyard and began her descent towards the church.
The graveyard itself was shrouded in darkness and she could only vaguely make out the silhouette of the rows of headstones planted in neat rows all around her. However, still she continued to rush forward, her heels grinding on the cobbles below.
Finally, she rounded the corner of the church and was faced to face with a small oak door etched into the side of the building. She halted for a split second taking in a shaky breath as she did so before nervously hammering on the door in front of her.
No response.
Glancing nervously up at the petite stained glass window above she could make out a faint glow of light confirming that someone was there compelling her to keep trying.
Once again she began to hammer on the door but this time with a lot more desperation as the freezing wind cut through her causing her to shiver uncontrollably.
After what felt like an eternity there was movement from within the building and the sound of a lock sharply clicking open before a figure appeared in the doorway.
Bernice Woodall the local vicar emerged from the building, the embers from the fireplace in the background soaking in her in an angelic ambient light.
Her usually neatly brushed hair was messily pulled back behind her ears and she was dressed in a flowing linen nightgown with lace trimmings around the collar.
Admittedly, Pauline had never seen her in anything but religious clothing to the point that witnessing her in anything else felt wrong completely distracted her before her train of thought was abruptly interrupted.
“Pauline it’s 1:30 am what the fucking hell are you doing here”
Bernice sighed dramatically clearly pissed off and brutally exhausted as she propped herself up on the carved stone doorway her nightdress loosely fluttering in the icy breeze.
The older woman snapped out of her trance before glancing up, her eyes now a mixture of sorrow and anguish.
“I need a place to stay for the night”
She looked down as she spoke, her usual demanding voice now reduced to just a whisper as she fidgeted with her fingers subconsciously picking away at the skin around her nails allowing droplets of crimson to form as she expected the worst.
However, the worst never came. Instead of the usual tirade of abuse that spewed from the shorter woman’s mouth, there was a warm hand firmly placed on Pauline’s arm.
She glanced up in bewilderment at the sudden action before she was harshly pulled through the doorway and into the small quaint kitchen area.
Pauline had never stepped inside of Bernice’s living quarters before either but on first impressions, although it was small it was cosy with the exposed beams and 17th-century stonework walls making it feel like something out of a fantasy folklore novel.
Following closely behind, they rounded the corner and entered the bedroom/living room area where Pauline’s arm was bristly dropped at.
“Look I don’t know what’s happened with you tonight just finished making 100 fucking leaflets for the bloody service next Sunday and I’m tired and I just want to get some fucking sleep so get in and we will talk tomorrow”
She gestured towards the simplistic wooden bed that stood in the corner of the room before kicking her slippers off and throwing the battered book she was reading from the bed onto the floor.
However Pauline hesitated. This was a bit abrupt, especially for Bernice and especially when she could spot the sofa on the other end of the room.
After all, although the other woman was much younger she still somewhat terrified her and made her extremely nervous, especially being in such proximity.
“Honestly it’s fine I can just sleep on the sofa”
“No you fucking don’t. Iv just sorted those leaflets into alphabetical order and I will be dammed if you move them because you decided to rock up here in the early hours of the morning”
She groaned once more cupping her head in her hands dramatically before looking Pauline dead in the eyes.
“Please I’m tired”
Her tone felt a lot more amicable than before and maybe even slightly pleading as she sat down gingerly on the bed and beckoned her forward.
In defeat, Pauline slowly edged towards the bed taking her heels and jacket off in the process.
Underneath her jacket turned out to be her own set of neon pink Garfield pyjamas but Bernice couldn’t be bothered to question why this grown woman was wearing crushed velvet platform party heels with her choice of outfit as she crawled over to the other side of the bed and instantly slumped over as the world quickly faded to darkness.
The next morning
Bernice was gradually awoken by the soft glow of sunlight as it spread gently over the slumbering town of Vasey. Stretching gently she glanced over to find Pauline still sleeping soundly curled up on the other side of the bed.
She looked so beautiful in her sleep she thought as she subconsciously brushed back a strand of her chestnut hair from her face before snatching her hand away hurriedly and gathering her composure.
Bernice allowed Pauline to continue her peaceful slumber as she arose from her bed performing her daily chores before diligently stacking those tedious fucking leaflets placed strategically on the worn sofa.
When Pauline finally did wake up she awoke to see Bernice sitting patiently on the sofa, her arms and legs folded.
“We need to talk”
“ I suppose we do” Pauline answered groggily wiping the sleep from her eyes and standing up to face her.
“Why are you here”
“ Mickey.”
Bernice’s eyes narrowed at the mention of the other woman’s husband as she tried her hardest not to scoff.
“Did he put his hands on you”
“No”
“Well what was your good reason for disturbing me so late at night”
The brunette bit her lip anxiously as she contemplated the best way to respond without further pissing her off.
“ I don’t love him”
This time Bernice didn’t hold back as she let out a cold vindictive laugh.
“You're realising that now?”
“ I’m getting older now I need to be normal, settle down and make something for me self. Well I thought I needed to, especially after the Jobcenter and that Ross Gaines”
“So what do you want me to do about it”
Pauline held back her response once more as she gazed into the woman she loves eyes.
Obviously, there was a reason why she chose last night to turn up to Bernice's church and it was because she couldn’t spend another night pretending anymore.
She couldn’t look her husband in the eyes nowadays and tell him she loved him when all her thoughts came back to Bernice.
She had tried too hard to be something else thinking that she had to settle because it was too late for her but she just couldn’t pretend to live that life anymore and she knew Bernice felt it too.
She had watched her painfully obvious heartbreak as time and time again she chose Mickey and she knew what she had to do now in order to end this nightmare.
“I want you”
3 words. That was all it took to stop the world spinning.
She couldn’t move even if she tried if she was glued to the ground beneath her. The woman she loved was standing in front of her finally after everything was putting her beliefs and morals aside for her.
She slowly rose from the sofa but was swiftly caught off guard once again as Pauline stepped closer and began to kiss her.
It was neither a casual nor primal kiss it was just a kiss but it was one directly generated from years of denial, conflict and tension so to her it felt like true bliss. For once she forgot about the church, her (lack of ) faith and the people of this god forsaken town. It was just her and the woman she loved.
When they both finally parted ways and had once again caught their breath they gazed at each other once more both in a newfound light they never thought was possible before Pauline softly clasped Bernice’s hands.
“It’s not too late”