Chapter Text
The image was still sharp, unwilling to leave him. Haejoon’s limp body on a stretcher. The moment Eunyung had stopped searching and instead followed as the ambulance doors swung open. Sirens had screamed. Red and blue lights flickered across his vision.
Everything from that moment on blurred at the edges, like a dream slipping out of reach. It dragged up old memories of past hospital visits, reminders of the damage he’d done. But this time, the reality was different. Harsher. And it was all he could focus on.
Haejoon was in a coma.
Eunyung didn’t feel completely there. He could hear the doctor’s words and see the fleeting sympathetic glances directed his way from the nurses, but he wasn’t really there. He barely managed to give them Haejoon’s uncle’s number, and he couldn’t manage more than a few words when he called Juwan to tell him what happened. He numbly sat on the hard plastic chair outside Haejoon’s room, his whole body sore from sitting in the same position for hours on end and his thoughts a jumble inside his head.
Suddenly, hurried footsteps rushed down the hall before coming to a stop in front of Eunyung. Out of breath and laced with worry, a familiar voice piped up, “Did…did they say why he fainted all of a sudden?” It was enough to pull him out of his head, and he glanced up at the figure before returning his gaze to the wall in front of him. Juwan.
“They said it might be because he got hit in the head that time,” he began, wincing as a pang of guilt and self-loathing hit him square in the chest, the memory still raw. “Because he kept getting shocks to his head, they said something about blood potentially pooling there…” His eyes stayed fixed on the wall, unable to bring himself to meet Juwan’s gaze.
Juwan gasped, prompting Eunyung further, “Wh-what’s gonna happen? Is he gonna need surgery?”
Eunyung’s head throbbed as Juwan kept badgering him with questions he didn’t have answers to. “I don’t know,” he finally admitted, maintaining a steady air of normalcy while his thoughts took a turn for the worse. It was the truth, he really didn’t know. And that was what scared him the most.
Juwan kept going, despite the tightness in his chest. “Good thing he was found right away though! Right…?”, he kept rambling, “That could’ve been bad!” Eunyung could feel his gaze on him, waiting for him to say something, anything, to make the situation sound better than it actually was.
Eunyung didn’t respond.
Juwan laughed nervously, “Right? It’s not a big deal, right?” His voice cracked as tears welled up, “I mean, he was fine just this morning…right?”.
Eyes fixed on the wall, Eunyung muttered, “Who cares,” just to shut him up.
He could practically feel Juwan gape at him in disbelief despite never looking up at him.
His hand shook—just barely, but enough. He stuffed it into his pocket and kept staring at the wall, careful to hide the movement. Juwan didn’t say a word.
The silence stretched between them, tight and fragile like glass about to crack.
- - -
From inside the hospital room, Haejoon’s uncle cried silently by Haejoon’s bed. He whispered a few words, but Eunyung couldn’t catch them as he and Juwan approached the open doorway. When the uncle fell silent, Eunyung finally spoke. Keeping his eyes carefully away from the boy lying unconscious on the bed, he asked quietly, “I thought he couldn’t hear you?”
The man turned to face them, having only just registered their presence. He offered a faint, weary smile. “Who knows? I’m just doing this for myself to feel a little better.”
Eunyung didn’t know what to say to this, and Juwan didn’t either, which he judged from the sharp, short breath he let out.
Haejoon’s uncle turned back to face the bed, continuing, “Things were finally looking up for him.” More tears silently ran down his face. “I thought that he would finally be able to have a new start…”
Eunyung couldn’t fight the impulse anymore and finally looked up, taking in the sight before him. Haejoon looked peaceful, lying still as if he were simply asleep. It was almost convincing, if not for the tubes trailing from his arm and the light blue hospital gown that made it all feel too real.
Eunyung stared for a second too long. Then he looked away again. The pressure in his chest hadn’t gone anywhere.
He turned to Haejoon’s uncle, who was still visibly distraught. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Eunyung took a slow breath, measured and practiced, before forcing himself to speak.
His voice came out raw but steady. “I’m sorry. Because of me, he…” He meant to finish the sentence. Really, he did. But the words caught somewhere behind his teeth, thick and burning. He clenched his jaw, trying to push them out.
He didn’t have to.
Haejoon’s uncle cut in, gently. “No, that was an accident,” he reassured, voice shaking. “You were going through a lot back then too…”
Eunyung nodded once, barely. He kept his face still and his breathing even. But inside, his heart pounded against the weight in his chest, and the sting behind his eyes was getting harder to ignore.
Still, he said nothing.
- - -
Eunyung and Juwan had stepped out of the room earlier to give his uncle some space. But soon enough, the door opened again, and the man joined them in the hallway.
He let out a sigh as he pulled the door shut behind him. “You kids should head back,” he said with a tired nod. “They’re probably starting to worry about you back home.”
Eunyung spoke before the words could settle, before they had the chance to drag his thoughts somewhere else. “I’m okay,” he said quickly. “There’s no one at the dorm anyway.”
The man regarded him for a moment. “Alright then, could you stay here for a little while, Eunyung?” He hesitated, glancing toward the room before he continued. “I came here right away in the middle of work…I just need to go wrap some things up and then I’ll come back.”
Eunyung blinked once, then gave a small nod. “Okay,” he said with a shrug, as if it didn’t matter either way.
He found himself back in the room with Haejoon. Only this time, it was just the two of them. He let his eyes rest on Haejoon longer than before, carefully taking in the way his tan skin stood out against the stark white clinical sheets. The messy black hair spread across the pillow like a dark frame around his face. Memories surfaced of early mornings when Eunyung would quietly sneak past Haejoon’s sleeping form to prepare breakfast for him before slipping back into bed. He studied every detail now, as if noticing something new.
Slowly, deliberately, he leaned in close, until he was mere inches from Haejoon’s face.
“Wake up…” he whispered, voice low. “You’re going to miss the suneong exam…” His eyes stayed wide, locked on Haejoon’s closed lids. “The exam is tomorrow…”
Nothing stirred. Eunyung thought he might’ve seen an eyelash twitch, but it was gone too quickly to be sure. It was probably just wishful thinking.
With a cough, he finally leaned back, settling comfortably into the seat, slightly slouched with his hands in his pockets.
The moment stretched on. Eunyung finally let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in, and his shoulders sagged. “To be honest,” he admitted, “I was fond of you from the beginning”. There was no one else around, and Haejoon probably couldn’t even hear him. What was the harm in being a little honest? Haejoon didn’t move, as if in silent agreement.
Eunyung smiled wide, that unmistakable grin of his, as he continued, “It looked like you had nothing at all and nowhere to go…” Haejoon still lay there, unmoving as always. Slowly, the smile faded from his face.
“You know I have a lot of friends, right?” Memories from his preteen years flickered behind his eyes. “But it’s strange. Everyone I liked, the ones that I thought were alright…” Familiar faces surfaced in his mind, people he used to hang out with for months on end, before they disappeared. “They all eventually went their own separate ways.” He swallowed thickly.
“They all found their paths, found somewhere to return to…and good things happened to them.” Solo karaoke sessions, waiting alone at deserted bus stops, coming home to an empty house. The memories swelled in his chest, and a bitter taste crept onto his tongue. “It was as if the time they spent with me was just a mistake. They would all go off to do better things and made me feel like shit after being left behind.” Suddenly, it was as if he was back in the dorm, hands in soapy water at the kitchen sink. Turning around, he could see Haejoon’s back turned slightly, head tilted down as he quietly chopped vegetables for dinner. The image blinked away, and he was back in the hospital room. Eunyung smiled. Just like before, but softer now, edged with something he couldn’t quite name. “That’s why… I was really fucking fond of you.”
The room was still for a moment, only to be interrupted by a wayward cough. Recovering quickly, Eunyung watched his face for a moment before tilting his head back and closing his eyes.
“I don’t know when it started, but at the end of the day, I think about that dorm. I think about going back and washing up, eating dinner, and sleeping…” he trails off, picturing the creepy old house with a painful throb of nostalgia in his chest. “I think about things like that.” He slowly blinks his eyes open before he continued, “Now, whenever I’m even a little bit tired, I only think about going back there.”
“It’s funny, isn’t it? Back then, that house was somewhere I had no choice but to go back to.” Eunyung had never been a fan of the creepy decorations, the dark hallways, and the empty rooms. The first few days of living in that place, when he was the only resident, had been a nightmare. “Even though it used to be like that…” He couldn’t quite find the words to explain it. After Haejoon moved in, and shortly afterwards Juwan, the house had grown into a place that felt more like home than his real one did. Fond memories played, one after the other. The sound of Haejoon trying to tutor Juwan without sucess, doing housework with the other two, the dorm room he shared with Haejoon, hell, even the memory of that annoying ass supervisor and the other students that moved in later on got the tips of his mouth to curl up. He wouldn’t change anything about it. Well, he could make do without that last bit.
Haejoon letting Juwan chatter on and on about whatever, preparing breakfast for Haejoon while it was still dark out, tidying up the dorm room he shared with Haejoon, the quiet moments when they didn’t fight. Every good memory of that place always had something to do with him.
“Without you that house would never have become a comfortable place for me,” he admitted, finally voicing the realization that had plagued him too late.
A sudden string of coughs catches him off guard. As it faded, the room fell silent once more. Returning his gaze to Haejoon, he gave a small, sad smile.
“Now, even after you graduate, I’m sure I’ll feel comfortable going back to that dorm. I’ll go back and make food, wash up, and lay down in my bed.” His thoughts drifted for a moment to the idea of sharing a room with someone other than Haejoon, but he quickly pushed them aside.
“And if someone else does what my old friends did and leaves me to go to a better place and be successful, I’m gonna send them off with a smile.” That part cracks a tear into his heart, just a little. “I can do that now. That’s what I’m most thankful to you for.” He regarded him for a moment, the boy who had quietly picked up the broken pieces of his life and put them back together in a way he had never expected.
“So I want you to go to a better place now, too.”
He studied him one more time. Slowly, carefully, he felt his hand lift. It hovered in the air for a moment, uncertain, as if even his body wasn’t sure what it was trying to do. It slowly extended, moving on its own. It reached toward Haejoon’s face, guided by something warm and unfamiliar, needing to confirm that he was really there. Eunyung held his breath as it kept going until his fingers were within inches of the dark hair.
Then he erupted into another violent fit of coughs, this one even more aggressive than the last. His hand dropped back immediately as he scooted back and hunched over, hacking into the crook of his arm.
At that moment, the door creaked open and Haejoon’s uncle stepped back into the room. “I’ve cleared everything up- oh, Eunyung, are you alright?” He hurriedly made his way to Eunyung’s side, grabbing a stray water bottle from a nearby counter and handing it to him. Eunyung stood up stiffly in his presence, nodding his head in thanks as he accepted it. The man watched, eyes crinkling with concern, as Eunyung took a few long gulps. After finishing the bottle, he cleared his throat and managed in a raspy voice, “Thanks, I’m good now. Don’t worry about me.”
Haejoon’s uncle's shoulders relaxed in relief at that, and Eunyung felt a stab of guilt for making him worry even more when he was already so concerned about Haejoon.
“Thank you for staying with him this whole time, I’m truly grateful. I wouldn’t want to keep you long, so go on to your dorm. This must’ve been a lot for you, so please make sure to get some sleep tonight,” he gave him a warm smile before patting him on the shoulder. Eunyung simply nodded and made his way to the door.
As the door swung shut, he stole one last glance at the hospital bed and felt something stir in his chest. The boy he’d once wished dead—now he’d give anything just to see him open his eyes again. Funny how that works , he thought dryly, the irony not lost on him.
He turned his head down the hall, scanning the rooms. His eyes settled on the bathroom sign a few doors down, and he walked over slowly. Bursting into the men’s room, he headed straight to the sink.
Dimly, he registered the pristine, clinical walls enclosing the bathroom. With a sigh, he flipped on the tap, letting warm water run over his hand. After a moment, he turned it off and dried his hands before resting them on the dull, sterile countertop. His eyes lifted to the mirror, and he studied his reflection.
His usually well-kept, tousled hair stuck out at odd angles, and the deep bags under his eyes were a dead giveaway of how exhausted he felt. He always made sure to maintain his image, aside from the fights, anyway. It was his most valuable asset.
After all, the only reason people even bothered with him was his pretty face. That was what drew them in.
Eunyung Baek had always been popular, had always been surrounded by people, and he's long since learned to keep them all at arm's length.
It was easier that way.
But then there was Haejoon, the one person he couldn’t keep at a distance. The one who pushed and prodded, who made a place for himself in Eunyung’s life whether Eunyung liked it or not. The only one who had ever seen him at his best and his worst, and still cared enough to stay for both.
His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden fit of coughs, harsh and unrelenting as his throat begged for air. Gasping for breath, he tightened his grip on the cold countertop, lungs aching with every inhale. When the fit finally passed, he blinked against the dizziness and looked down into the sink.
Only to lose his breath all over again at the sight of a dainty pink flower petal settling inside the ceramic basin.