Chapter Text
Nicky jolts and swears as the tires of his car crunch over the decorative rocks lining the driveway. He mutters to himself as he reverses out and tries again. This time he nearly scrapes the trash bins waiting innocently to the side but his car is, mostly, straight in the driveway. He shuts the car off and sits back, taking a deep breath.
The South Carolina heat lurks just outside his doors, already pressing up through his air vents.
“Alright.” He mutters. “Hi, how are you-?” He winces. “No, stupid, stupid, you know how they are.” He shakes himself, sits up straighter. “Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss - no they probably hate hearing that by now.” The heat is starting to leak in, the car clicking as it settles. “Hey, how are ya? No, too casual. Hi, remember me? We met at the funeral? Anyways, I know you have no reason to trust me but-”
A shadow moves across the window by the door. An eye and a shoulder just visible along the side.
Shit.
“Time’s up.” Nicky mutters. He swings his door open and jumps out, acting like he just pulled up a second ago and wasn’t lurking in the driveway like a boy on a first date.
He’s barely rung the doorbell before the door is swinging open.
“Hey-”
“Nicky!”
Aaron Minyard has two modes. Blank and wary, face in a scowl and eyes squinted in suspicion. Or bright and energetic, talking fast and moving faster, eyes wide and shining. He’s usually all bright and polite around Nicky’s parents but when they’re alone, or it’s been a few hours, Aaron usually goes dull and tired.
After the grief and strain of the last few days, Nicky had honestly been expecting sullen Aaron but the Aaron before him is bright and mobile.
Nicky grins, “Hey squirt.”
“Come in, come in!” Aaron ushers him into a house that’s something of a disaster.
Aunt Tilda’s home had always felt so much more lived in than Nicky’s. But sometimes that mess and clutter bordered on disturbing instead of homey.
She’d had a big garage sale when she’d moved to Columbia and she hadn’t even been in this house that long, but somehow the mess had accumulated again. As Nicky’s eyes adjust, he catches a teetering pile of empty cardboard boxes, waiting to be broken down; a stack of mail tangled with random cords and keys on a nearby table; and a bowl of slowly rotting fruit, soaking in the sun.
Nicky starts when he sees Andrew standing in the hallway, blank faced and silent, like a child in a horror movie.
Aaron is in front of Nicky in an instant, blocking his wandering gaze. “Sorry, it’s a bit of a mess.” he laughs uncomfortably. “It’s not usually…but I didn’t know you were coming, not that it’s a problem! But-”
“It’s okay.” Nicky says easily, cutting off Aaron’s nervous babble. “You’ve had a busy few days.”
Aaron smiles uneasily.
Andrew says and does nothing.
“Do you want something to drink?” Aaron shifts his weight from side to side. “We have coffee or tea or water or…I think there’s beer?”
Nicky isn’t particularly thirsty but he catches the way Aaron’s fingers are twitching and how the threads at the end of his t-shirt are unraveling. Nicky plasters on a smile so big it hurts his jaw a little bit. He drops a hand on Aaron’s head, ruffling his hair. “Coffee sounds great.”
Aaron sags a little under Nicky’s touch, a thread of nervous energy trickling out of him. He takes a quick breath and nods eagerly, darting off towards the kitchen.
Nicky lets him go, giving him a second alone if he wants one. Instead, Nicky turns his eyes on Andrew.
His cousin stares back at him, face blank. Bruises paint his right cheek up to his eye, a cut scabbing angrily around his eyebrow. Nicky struggles not to wince. Kid could have lost his eye in that crash. There are more bruises splattered across Andrew’s face and down his arms but he walks away before Nicky can stare any more.
Nicky trails after him into where Aaron is busy buzzing around the kitchen. His eyes flick nervously up at Nicky. “Coffee’s almost ready. Are you hungry? I’m not sure what we have but I can-” His hand spasms and he nearly drops the milk carton.
Before Nicky can move, Andrew is across the kitchen, milk carton plucked away from Aaron and being shoved into the fridge. He slams the door closed hard enough to make Nicky flinch.
Aaron glares at Andrew and starts to speak, which is Nicky’s cue to cut in.
“I’m good. Thanks, Aaron.” He frowns a little when Aaron’s attention snaps to him. Nicky’s seen this nervous energy and frantic mothering before but Aaron’s eyes are fever bright in a way that makes Nicky’s skin prickle.
“Are you…” Nicky pauses. “Aaron,” He starts hesitantly. “Are you-”
“What are you doing here.”
Nicky jumps. He hadn’t forgotten that Andrew was in the room but his cousin is so damn quiet, it’s easy to misplace him.
Aaron is glaring again. “He’s our cousin.” He snaps. “He’s checking up on us. That’s what families do.”
“I…yeah.” Nicky takes a deep breath. “Although, I actually did come here for a reason. Can we talk?”
Aaron turns wide, panicked, betrayed eyes on Nicky and the hurt in them has Nicky backtracking instantly.
“No! I-I did come here to see you.” He stammers quickly. “I am worried about you. I do care. I also need to talk to you. Multiple things can be true at once.” He adds lamely.
“How long?” Aaron asks quietly.
“Um.” Nicky glances at Andrew but Andrew’s face is still blank. “I…I don’t know?” Nicky smiles nervously.
“When do you have to go?” Aaron asks instead.
“Oh. Um…” Nicky glances at the stove clock. It’s an hour behind. Aunt Tilda always forgot to adjust for daylight savings, an odd quirk Nicky always forgets about until he’s back in her house. “I’ve got time.” He should get back to Helen as soon as possible but he hadn’t set a time. He could probably get back to her tomorrow?
“When are you leaving.” Andrew’s voice does this weird thing where he doesn’t seem to use any punctuation. Nicky sometimes feels like he’s all exclamation points and ellipses but whenever Andrew talks, he seems to be nothing but periods.
“I’m…” Nicky feels incredibly wrong footed. He can feel Aaron getting small and nervous again but Andrew is an impenetrable wall. “Do you want me to go?” He asks.
“Not until you have to.” Aaron mumbles.
“O...kay?” What. Is. Going. On?
“What time is your flight.”
“Andrew!” Aaron swats at him but Andrew doesn’t even move, already standing out of reach.
“My flight?”
Andrew breathes in sharply. “You’re here to tell us goodbye. That you’re so sorry but you have to go home. Give us your number in case we ever need you. Let you know how it all turns out. You’ll see us soon. But you really do have to go.”
“I-wh-I’m not-” Nicky’s head is spinning.
“Andrew.” Aaron hisses.
“It’s goodbye now or goodbye later.” Andrew says simply.
“It’s goodbye never!” Nicky snaps. He finds himself suddenly pinned by matching eyes, moving to stare at him in unison. He reels a little in the uncanny force of it. “Not unless you want goodbye. But I’m-” He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated. “This isn’t how I wanted this to go. Can we please just sit down and talk?”
Andrew’s left eye twitches but Aaron just keeps staring. He’s pulling at the threads of his shirt again.
“Aaron.” Nicky says firmly. “I’m not leaving. Can we talk for a minute?” He glances between both of his cousins. “All of us. It’s nothing bad, I don’t think, but we need-”
The kettle in the kitchen starts screaming. Aaron turns around and hurries to the stove.
Nicky looks back at Andrew. “Andrew?”
Andrew shoves past him, catching his shoulder in a rough body check. He glides over to the kitchen table and drops into a chair, arms crossed over his chest, blank look still on his face.
Nicky sighs.
He sits down across from Andrew, trying to collect his thoughts and organize them into something that works. He tries to remember what Helen had told him about Andrew.
“Here.” Aaron clatters three mugs onto the table. He shoves one so quickly at Nicky that the coffee sloshes over the edge and on to Nicky’s hand. He flinches at the burn, yanking his hand back quickly.
Aaron doesn’t notice. He’s too busy gathering up papers and napkins and other random items from the table, mumbling something about the mess.
But Andrew does.
He watches Nicky, something piercing in those blank eyes.
Nicky drops his hand below the table to rub the liquid off on his shorts. He grimaces at Andrew and mouths the word “Hot” at him.
Andrew just blinks.
Nicky shrugs amiably, trying to get them all back into a place of…well there were always going to be nerves but less nerves. He finishes wiping his hand off and picks up his mug. The liquid shines brightly back at him.
Nicky swallows a groan.
He loves his cousins, he really does, but Aaron has always had the nastiest sweet tooth. And that’s coming from Nicky.
Nicky braces himself, his tongue attempting to make a tactical retreat down his throat. He swallows down the saliva pooling in his mouth, breathes in through his nose, and sips.
Keeping himself from spitting the coffee back into the mug is a full body effort. His face twitches as he feels sugar granules sliding through his teeth.
After checking that Aaron is still fussing with the table, he allows himself a shudder.
“Thanks Aaron.” He fights to keep the squeak out of his voice. “This is great.”
Aaron looks up at him, relief practically pouring out of his smile. “Oh good. I never really drink coffee and I know I should be able to figure it out, it’s not like it’s hard, but-”
Nicky takes another sip. A bigger one this time. He grins at Aaron even as he feels his taste buds dying a most undignified of deaths. “It’s great, Aaron, really. You nailed it.”
Andrew’s chair screeches as he gets to his feet. He flicks the back of Aaron’s head as he walks away. Aaron scowls at him, cutting off his nervous babble and table clearing to rub at his head.
Andrew returns moments later, three cups of water balanced neatly in his hands. He places them on the table, careful not to let the water spill.
Nicky smiles at him. “Thanks, Andrew.”
Andrew doesn’t answer, dropping back into his chair and dragging Aaron down by the elbow. Aaron squawks but stops fussing with the papers, wrapping his hands instead around his mug of tea.
“Right.” Nicky takes a sip of water and clears his throat. “Again, this isn’t anything bad. I should have said that earlier. God knows I hate whenever someone drags out a ‘we need to talk’ speech. Feels like a breakup even when it's not, right?” He smiles nervously.
Aaron returns it.
Andrew does not.
“How much has anyone told you about what happens next?” He assumes nothing. Most of what he knows has come from eavesdropping on his parents, subtle library research, and whispered phone conversations with Erik as they put the pieces together.
“Not much.” Aaron says vaguely.
“Okay.” Nicky shifts. Tries to remember what Erik and Helen had said. “So, you’re orphans.” He cringes a little. “Sorry, I’m…bad at this. You have no legal guardians. Which isn’t good. But you have family! Which is good! You have my mom and my dad and me and we’re your biological family and we’re nearby and over eighteen! I’m not really sure what normally happens or how any of this works but because you’ve got family, you’ve got options.” Nicky takes a sip of water, trying to stop babbling so much and organize his thoughts. He shifts again and paper crinkles. With relief, he pulls his notes out of his pocket. “Right. I forgot I had these.” He smiles again.
Aaron smiles back.
Andrew does not. But his eyes have locked on the paper.
“So, um, my understanding is that everyone wants you to stay with family. With us. But mom and dad can’t take you both.”
Aaron flinches. “What?”
“They-” Anger flares through Nicky, hot and bright and vicious. He inhales. Exhales. “They don’t think they can take you both in.”
“They said that?”
They’d said that of course they would take charge. They’d said that of course the boy should stay with family. They’d said that they want what’s best. They’d said that they would do all that they could. They’d said that family stays together.
And then they’d said that, well, they didn’t really have the room.
That they didn’t really know Andrew.
That he was little more than a stranger.
Than a violent, moody, felon of a stranger.
That they’d already had their hands full with Nicky and they weren’t sure they could do it again with two.
And besides, Andrew didn’t like Luther, he’d made that very clear.
They’d do all that they could but they couldn’t take both. It wouldn’t be healthy for anyone. Andrew needed more care and attention than they could give.
They’d do their best to keep the boys close together but, well, was that even what Andrew would want? Maybe it’d be best for everyone to keep them separate. They’d heard from Tilda how the boys fought and bickered.
Andrew had been on his own so much, it was likely he didn’t even really know what a healthy sibling dynamic was or if he even wanted one.
He’d been so rude to Aaron when he’d reached out and said such awful things to Luther when he’d reached out.
No, he was too much, too needy, he’d been to jail for goodness sake.
Family would stick together, of course, but was Andrew really family?
But of course they’d take Aaron in, they’d take care of him.
They’d said so much.
They hadn’t said they didn’t want Andrew.
They hadn’t needed to.
Nicky shrugs. “Basically.” He glances at his notes again. “So my understanding is that you two have three options.” He holds his hands up. “Just hear me out before you say anything, okay? I’m going to list them worst to best and I want to just get through them. I want to make sure you understand and I say everything I need to say before you interrupt.”
Both twins nod.
“Okay. Remember, worst to best. Number one:” He holds up one finger. “Aaron goes to mom and dad, Andrew goes back into the system.”
Aaron opens his mouth but Nicky barrels on.
“Number two: Aaron goes to mom and dad, Andrew back to his last home before this. The um, ” He glances at his notes. “The Spears. I think they said they were interested in adopting you before you came to us? We can see if they still want to. Number three: you two live with me.” He splays all of his fingers out, holding his hands up as though holding the twins back.
“Hear me out!” He goes on quickly. “I know it’s not ideal but I’ve been talking with Andrew’s social worker, Helen, and she thinks I could do it. It won’t be easy and I want to make sure you know what you’re getting into, but I could do it. I have enough in savings that I can provide for you, at least through high school but it won’t be much. Money will be pretty tight.”
That was an understatement.
A few years ago, in a feat that he still wasn’t sure how he’d pulled off, Nicky had convinced his parents to move his college fund into his bank account instead of theirs. The plan had been to use that money to fund a new life in Germany with Erik. So far, he’d been able to make do with his actual savings and not touch the college fund, not that his parents knew, so the entire fund was all sitting pretty in his bank account. Now, the plan would be to take the college fund and use it for this.
“I can cook and I know my food pyramid but it won’t be anything fancy. You’ll need to help out around the house, but I’ll be pitching in too. I can keep you alive and get you through high school at least." Nicky's going faster now, picking up speed as he gains confidence in what he's offering. "Money would be the biggest issue but Aunt Tilda had an insanely good life insurance plan and as much as I want all of it to go to you two, I’m going to be honest, we might need some of that money to keep us afloat. Mom and dad might be willing to help out financially, at least for one of you, but even if they don’t, we’ll be okay. I’ve done the math and Helen double checked it. But it’ll be tight. And you’ll need to listen to me. I won’t be your parent but I’ll be your guardian.” He wanted to make that point very clear. “I’ll be responsible for you. It’s not going to be easy but I don’t want to separate you two again. And Andrew,” He looks at him directly. “We just got you back. I don’t want to lose you again."
He's nearing the end now, all of his cards on the table, all that he has to offer spread before them. "I’ve been talking this through with Helen and she thinks I’ve really got a chance. She doesn’t want to split you two up either. She’s pretty sure that the court would be on my side, especially if it’s what you two wanted. Mom and dad might fight me on this but I know how to handle them and keeping you two together would be preferable. But it’s up to you.” Nicky glances at his final notes. “Aaron, if you want to go to mom and dad, well, I think it’s a bad idea, but okay.”
He’d fight that. He’d argue and persuade and annoy until Aaron agreed to stay with him. And if that didn’t work, and Nicky could be very annoying when he wanted to be, then Nicky would stay close. He would be there, eyes on Aaron, keeping him safe and sane and offering him a way out when he needed one. And he would need one.
“Andrew, if you want to go back to California, we can arrange that. It’s not like you’ll lose us, we’ll stay in contact. Unless you tell us to fuck off again. And that didn’t really work the first time so maybe not even then.” He smiles weakly at Andrew.
“But it’s really up to you two. I won’t fight it if you guys say you’d rather split up and I don’t think the court would rule in my favor if you two were actively against it. But I wanted to offer. You guys have options.” He puts his hands down. “Okay. I’m done now. Your turn. Go.”
They’re quiet for a moment.
Then Aaron looks at Andrew.
Andrew had already been staring at Aaron, as though waiting for him. They stare at each other, Aaron’s face flicking through emotions quickly, Andrew’s remaining blank.
Nicky busies himself refolding his notes.
Finally, they both look back.
Andrew nods.
Aaron speaks. “We want to go with you.”
Relief floods through Nicky. “Are you sure?” He asks weakly. “Guys, it won’t be easy. I understand if you-”
“Do you not want us.”
“What!” Nicky yelps. “Andrew, no, what, of course I want you. Both of you. And Aaron, god, I don’t want you raised by my parents. But I want to make sure you’re sure.”
“We’re sure if you’re sure.” Aaron says, smiling uncertainly.
Nicky laughs wetly. The relief is so strong it’s dizzying. He’d been ready to wheedle and debate and beg if he had to. When he’d first overheard his parents talking about sending Andrew away even as they took Aaron in, a panic and dread had seized him so completely it was hard to breathe. Now, he feels that panic receding and it’s enough to make his hands shake.
“Sure. Okay.” He offers his hands to his cousins. Aaron takes it. Andrew doesn’t.
Nicky squeezes Aaron’s hand tightly. “It’s going to be okay.” He smiles at him and then at Andrew. “Really. I’ll tell Helen as soon as possible. She’ll get the paperwork rolling. I’m not going to be your parent, don’t worry, I’ll never try to replace Aunt Tilda, I’ll only be your guardian, but I’ve got you now.”
Aaron’s breath catches and Nicky is around the table before he can think. Aaron’s never really been a hugger. Or a crier. But when he does one, he does the other.
The last time Nicky had seen Aaron cry was when Nicky’s dog had died. He’d been old and slow but he’d been present for nearly all of Aaron’s life. Old Deuteronomy had been there alongside Nicky in those early years when Aunt Tilda had needed a lot of help and Aaron had spent more time at Nicky’s than at his own home. He’d been around through the years as Nicky and Aaron had grown apart and together and apart again. Aaron had cried hard at the news of his death and collapsed into Nicky’s arms.
The first time Nicky had seen Aaron cry was when he was four. He’d had a bad nightmare and had been trying to cling to Nicky while simultaneously insisting he was fine. Nicky had bundled him up and carried him into his bed. Aaron had fallen apart at the feeling of Nicky’s arms around him and clung like a koala bear.
He felt the same in Nicky’s arms now as he’d felt the last, the first, and the few times in between. Nicky wraps him up and Aaron cries quietly.
“Hey, come on now.” Nicky teases. “It won’t be so bad. It’ll be like a big sleepover. I’ll buy you rice krispies and cinnamon toast crunch and let you watch R rated movies and-hm. Maybe don’t tell Helen all of that. I mean, I’ll make you steamed broccoli and make sure you do your homework and comb your hair and wash behind your ears.”
Aaron snorts. “You don’t even comb your hair.”
Nicky gasps. “Excuse me! I am dashing and windswept. You are unkempt. Learning the difference will be one of the many, many things I teach you, young grasshopper.”
Aaron sits back, rolling his eyes. “You’re not that much older than me.”
“I’m taller than you.”
“That’s not - what?”
“Height is directly proportional to wisdom. Everyone knows this. It’s a fact.”
Aaron makes a face. “No it’s not.”
“Yeah it is. Everything’s related.” Nicky holds his hands up as though measuring distance between them. “Big height, big feet, big intellect, big-” He pauses. “No, I shan’t say. Not to my young, impressionable ward.”
Aaron turns red. “You’re gross.”
“I’m an intellectual.” Nicky wraps an arm around Aaron, who grumbles even as he leans in willingly enough. He holds out a hand to Andrew, who had been watching the entire exchange silently.
“That’s it, then.” Andrew crosses his arms. “He cries, you joke, and we’re one, big happy family.”
Nicky drops his hand. “No, you’re right,” He says, “Like I said, it’s not going to be easy. My parents are probably gonna fight me on this, even though I’m sure we’ll win. Money is going to be pretty tight. I can get you through high school but I’m not so sure about college. We can probably get food stamps, though, and that’ll help. I’m not going to try to, like, parent you but you are going to have to listen to me, at least until you’re eighteen.” He looks directly into Andrew’s eyes. “I know you don’t know me very well but I’m only a little bit of an idiot. I can get you through this. If you want me to. We may not be big or happy for a while but we are family.”
Nicky has a single, solitary moment where he allows himself to wish that their little, unhappy family was just one person bigger. He knows that Erik could never be part of this picture, not right now. It's all too fragile and new. Andrew barely knows him and Aaron is still wary of Nicky's love life generally. Bringing in a new, random person would complicate things for them. Plus, his parents would never, ever, ever allow Aaron and Andrew to live with Nicky if they knew that Erik would be there too. He hadn't brought Erik up to Helen but he thought he knew what she might say if he mentioned bringing in a strange man to live with his underage cousins. He and Erik had talked about this at length. It would be painful but it wouldn't wreck them. There would be phone calls and emails and maybe, down the line when things were more settled, Erik could visit. Erik had cried, even as he had insisted repeatedly that Nicky was making the right choice.
Andrew is silent, arms crossed.
Aaron sighs. “Come on, Andrew, he’s trying.”
Andrew’s jaw jumps. “I don’t like to be touched.”
“Okay.” Nicky thinks on that. “Um, thanks for telling me? I’ll try not to touch you then.”
Andrew rolls his eyes. “So I’m not holding your fucking hand.”
“Oh.” Nicky hadn’t even really been thinking about that anymore. “You don’t have to. Um. Fist bump?” He holds up his fist. “Oh. Wait. No, that’s still touch. Uh. Mental handshake? To seal the deal?”
Andrew rolls his eyes again but lightly taps his fist against Nicky’s.
Nicky grins.