Work Text:
I made a promise once.
But promises are tricksters hiding in soft spoken words. Promises are, as my mother might say, a binding that is unseen. They could, yes, be a boon. A promise to your wife that the crops won’t fail, a promise to a child there are no monsters under the bed and a promise of rain. These were boons and they did not weigh so heavily.
But there were other promises that kept you awake at night. They kept you seeing dark shadows of a great tree with no leaves, as black as moonless, starless nights. Or black hair. They kept you standing on rolling green hills in the fine sun of the summer, seeking out a splotch in the forest--wondering and wishing and curious and thinking. They kept your lips sealed when your heart sang. Some promises were cages made of lead.
I often heard his voice in dreams--when time turns willy nilly and I am five and barefoot and waiting for him to look at me, just once. Look up from your pages, sir, and help us! It is as clear as day and as if he knelt beside my bed to say them again as I slept: but I know that cannot be. He would not leave his book--the book--the book I gave him.
“What you saw at the castle that night and what you saw on the bridge last night...How I smiled? Never utter a word to anyone. If you dare speak--” His voice right in my ear fifteen years ago still rings in my head like an angel that eats the world, now. Clear and crisp and soft with promise.
“I will find you wherever you are and I will kill you. I will rip you apart, crush your bones, and eat your flesh. I will drink your blood. I will...” His breath trembled, like a man would at a fine dinner before the main course. “...devour you.”
Some promises tie themselves right around your ankles and make you feel as if you are drowning. Like you are the bottom of the lake, clear and green waters, only distant can you see the sun.
But I am dreaming.
Sometimes, I think that I want to drown. Watching the dark come over my eyes and feeling my breath taken away.
I made a promise once.
I am waiting for him on the hill where I have watched the forest for so long.
Today, I let my heart sing.