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Lovino glared at the guidance counselor as she looked through his file. His hazel eyes drifted to the nameplate on the door. Scratch that. Graduation counselor. His senior year was coming to an end, and prom and graduation were just around the corner. Yet he was still stuck seeing various school counselors for an incident a year prior. He wished he was still wearing a jacket. The weather may be far too warm for it, seeing as spring was rapidly approaching, but he could at least hide in it. He settled for folding his arms, his forearms pressed tightly against his chest. The counselor cleared her throat, drawing his attention back to her. "I see you've only sent in one college application since we last talked," she said, putting down the stack of papers. "Care to tell me why?"
"Feli wanted me to go to college with him," was the simple reply.
"And what if you don't get into the same school as Feliciano?" Lovino shrugged half-heartedly, fully aware of where the line of questioning was going. The counselor folded her hands beneath her chin, her eyes shining with sympathy behind her glasses. It made him want to recoil further into his seat, an impossible task. He ended up tightening his grip on himself and glancing at the clock. Had it really only been five minutes? "You're a great kid, Lovino," she said. "You show up to all our meetings, your grades suffered a bit last year but your test scores are wonderful."
"The same fucking test scores half the schools don't give a fuck about anymore?" Her brow furrowed as he cursed. A reprimand sat on the tip of her tongue. He watched as she thought about it, her jaw clenching. He almost smiled. "You know I'm fucking right."
"You've got great extracurriculars as well,” she said, violently veering into a different subject. “Soccer, yearbook, cross country, orchestra."
"It's not football so why do you give a fuck?"
She sucked in a breath between her teeth and exhaled slowly. She took her glasses off and gestured with them with her remaining hand beneath her chin. "Why do you insist on being so pessimistic?"
"I'm not." Lovino rolled his eyes, his gaze lingering on the clock. Eight minutes. He had two more minutes of this hellish meeting. "I'm being fucking realistic. No school's going to want a kid that tried to fucking kill himself and had no plans of living this long." The counselor recoiled, like the reminder behind his suffering grades the year prior stung her. "That's why my meeting's ten minutes instead of five right?” he pressed. “To make sure there are no new cuts on my arms or that I need to be fucking screened again or whatever. Right? Make sure there's nothing new to report?"
"Lovino.." She sighed for what felt like the umpteenth time. "I mean every word I say. I ask about your applications because I know you're an amazing kid. You are passionate and incredibly stubborn and I know for a fact that you deserve so much more than you think you do."
He felt something like panic rise in his chest. She wasn't supposed to say that. She was supposed to get even more annoyed and offer him empty platitudes. The emotion in her eyes was far too genuine for his liking and he looked at the clock again. "Do me a favor and apply to at least one more school,” she said. “You don't have to, of course. I can't make you do anything. But try, alright?"
Lovino inhaled slowly, holding his breath for several seconds before exhaling. "I'll think about it."
He watched as her shoulders relaxed and she smiled. "That's more than enough for now." She put her glasses back on and looked at the clock. "Our time's up. I'm grateful we were able to have this talk," She put his file into a cabinet filled with other thick files. Lovino stood up, grabbing his bag from the back of his chair. "Have a good lunch and rest of your day!" she said with a smile and a wave.
Lovino took another deep breath when he exited the counselor’s office. Her words shook him more than he cared to admit. With the look on her face, he couldn't pretend she didn't care like he could with nearly everyone else. He began to walk down the hallway, only vaguely aware of the hurried footsteps following him.
“Lovi!” Lovino turned around, his eyes widening slightly as he saw Antonio rushing to catch up with him. As soon as he was able, Antonio grabbed his hand. He had a sympathetic smile on his face, their hands clasped together tightly as he fell in step with Lovino.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Lovino asked. He couldn’t help but squeeze Antonio’s hand back. “Aren’t you supposed to be in the fucking cafeteria?”
“I told you I was gonna wait for you,” Antonio said. “I know how much you hate the counselor. I uh…also didn’t expect it to take that long. I thought it was only five minutes for the graduation counselor. Y’know, so they can see all the seniors.”
“Problem kids get ten minutes.”
Antonio frowned, swinging their hands between them. “You’re not a problem kid. Was that all she talked about?”
Lovino shrugged, leaning his head against Antonio’s shoulder. “She said some bullshit about how I deserve more than I think I do.” He could feel Antonio looking at him, concern probably etched into his face. “I know you’re going to say she’s right.”
“She is,” Antonio said. “You deserve the world, Tomate.”
Lovino felt his face burn as they neared the cafeteria. “I thought you said you’d stop calling me that?” he asked, unable to keep the whine out of his tone.
Antonio laughed and leaned down to kiss his cheek. “It’s hard when you look the part. Besides, I love tomatoes.” Lovino couldn’t argue with that logic.
The noise of the cafeteria was a mild but welcome distraction. Antonio let go of Lovino’s hand as they went through the line, choosing the least sad-looking dishes. Lovino let Antonio lead the way to hunt down his friends. On days like the one he was having, he was tempted to go sit alone, but he knew teachers would keep an eye on him.
“They got the good table!” Antonio cheered, pushing open the doors to the courtyard. Lovino hurried to catch up, thanking him as he held the door open. Antonio was right. His friends had claimed the best table in the coveted shaded corner spot in the courtyard. There were two seats left for them. Francis and Gilbert were having an animated conversation about only God knew what. Curiously enough, Feliciano was also at the table. He was usually with his own friends.
Lovino frowned as they sat down, the table going quiet. He put his tray down, sliding into his preferred spot at the end of the bench. "Discussing government secrets or something?" he asked once the silence stretched for a bit too long.
“Did you ask him yet?” Gilbert asked, excitement shining in his pale red eyes. Lovino followed his gaze to Antonio.
Antonio glared at Gilbert. Lovino, more anxious than curious, asked, “Asked me what?”
Francis laughed, reaching up to tighten his ponytail. "We were just wondering if Toni was ever going to share you." He laughed again, only for it to be cut off as Antonio kicked his leg. "It was just a joke," he whined.
"Good." Lovino raised an eyebrow as Antonio scooted closer to him. "Because you have your own boyfriend."
As amused as he was, tension lingered in the air. Lovino turned his attention to Feliciano. His younger twin was staring at Antonio with uncharacteristic annoyance. When he caught Lovino looking, he smiled at him. It didn’t make him feel much better. "How was your meeting, Lovi?" Feliciano asked, swiftly changing the topic.
Lovino stared at Feliciano, still trying to figure out what Antonio was supposed to be asking him. “It’s not bad,” Feliciano said with a soft smile. “Promise. Now tell me about your meeting.” Lovino felt himself relax if just a little. He decided not to ask about the odd atmosphere at the table again. The anxiety was already eating him alive. There was an undercurrent of positive excitement.
"We just talked about graduation and shit.” Lovino shrugged as he finally answered the question. “The same thing she talked to everyone else about. Applications and goals and all that bullshit.”
"You were gone a long time," Gilbert pointed out. “You missed Fran’s bragging about his lunch.”
“If you took time to pack your lunch, you wouldn’t be jealous,” Francis said. He pulled out a chocolate croissant, sticking his tongue out at Gilbert.
Lovino rolled his eyes at them. "We just had a lot to talk about." Lovino shifted his food with his fork. He felt Antonio's fingers intertwine with his free hand beneath the table. His calloused thumb ran across his knuckles. "She thinks I should apply to more schools."
"You should!" Antonio cheered, squeezing his hand. Lovino pulled it away, flexing his fingers. "Sorry," Antonio said quickly. "But you should! You want to go into photography right? Your pictures are amazing, Lovi! You could get into any school you wanted!"
Lovino stared at Antonio, feeling the same surge of panic he had felt in the counselor's office. Did everyone really have this much faith in him? "Nonno would want me to get a 'real degree'."
"You've never cared what they wanted before," Feliciano pointed out.
"And look where that got me."
"Just tack on a business minor or something," Gilbert said after hastily swallowing his food. "They can't get mad if you're starting a business."
"Or you can get an education minor like me," Francis said.
Lovino rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Antonio, expecting him to impart his own sage wisdom. Instead, he was met with big green eyes, searching his face. Lovino leaned back, wondering what he was looking for. Antonio grabbed his hand again, fearful that Lovino was about to leave. He squeezed it tightly. Lovino sighed, leaning closer to Antonio. He watched him out of the corner of his eye. Antonio looked as antsy as he felt, not helping matters. "You're all being weird as fuck."
No one acknowledged what he said. Instead, Gilbert started an argument with Francis about which group had more hookups: Band or Theatre. Lovino silently put his money on theatre for the sole fact that Francis was involved. Feliciano finished his lunch and said his goodbyes. He tapped Lovino's shoulder as he left the table. When Lovino looked up, Feliciano was smiling, his eyes pushed closed by his round cheeks. Lovino frowned, unsure what to do with the smile. Feliciano was always shining, radiating some level of genuine happiness. This was different. Lovino hardly noticed when Feliciano walked away as he tried to parse out the meaning of the smile. Encouragement. That's what it was. An encouraging smile. Just like the ones their parents used to give them before a soccer game or orchestra concert.
He didn’t want to think about encouragement, not when he didn’t believe he deserved it. Everyone else seemed to, though. He finally shoved a forkful of food into his mouth, grimacing. He just had to make it through the rest of his classes and soccer practice. He could do that, he was sure of it.
~ ~ ~
By the time soccer practice rolled around, Lovino was heavily considering skipping it. No one could stop him from walking past the practice field, getting in his car, and driving away. Then again, the coach would probably make him run extra laps or something. Besides, the only soccer game the student body cared about was coming soon. He should at least pretend to care too.
Upon walking out of the locker room, he was more than a little surprised to see Arthur standing on the track. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Lovino asked.
Arthur looked up from his book, an amused smirk on his face. “Well, hello to you too.”
Lovino folded his arms. “Don’t act like you’re usually here to watch us practice.”
Arthur hummed, carefully placing his bookmark and closing the book. “True. But the frog made me come.”
“The fucking wine bastard’s here too?”
“Wine bastard?” Arthur asked, an eyebrow raised. “I thought he was the ‘croissant bastard’?”
“He was until he wouldn’t shut the fuck up about the drinking age here.”
Arthur laughed. “If I’m not mistaken, I’ve heard you complain about the drinking age too.”
“That’s because it’s fucking stupid. I’m a legal adult but I can’t fucking drink?”
Arthur checked his watch. “You’re going to be late. Don’t let me keep you.”
Lovino narrowed his eyes at Arthur. “What the fuck are you planning?”
“Who says we’re planning anything at all?”
“That fucking answer for one.”
Arthur sputtered for a moment, his thick brows furrowed. Lovino couldn’t help but feel pleased with himself as he took off for the field.
~ ~ ~
After practice, Lovino jogged to the bench to grab his towel. As he sat down to wipe his face, he made a mental note to get a haircut.
“It’s now or never, mon ami.”
Lovino paused when he heard Francis behind him. He spun in his spot on the bench. Beyond Francis and Arthur, there was a small gathering of people on the sidelines of the practice field. Gilbert was cackling at a red-faced Antonio. Ludwig stood nearby, Feliciano bouncing on his toes next to him.
He zeroed in on Antonio. He was holding far too tightly to a red metallic balloon dog. A card was stuck to its nose. Gilbert ruffled Antonio’s hair and gently pushed him towards Lovino. “Like he said, now or never, ‘Tonio!”
Lovino’s breath hitched as Antonio made his way towards him. He faltered, unsure if he should stand up to meet him or remain seated. Antonio cleared his throat when he reached the bench. He held the dog out to him. His arms were fully extended, eyes averted from Lovino’s face. It felt like an elementary school crush. It was adorable. Lovino fought against smiling as he took the dog. It was ceramic, not inflated like he initially thought. He looked at Antonio again, trying to read his face. Antonio simply looked as anxious as Lovino had been feeling the entire day.
Carefully, he pulled the card off of the dog’s nose and scooted over on the bench. “Sit down, you look like you’re going to fucking faint.” Antonio sat down and leaned forward, his elbows on his thighs. He watched Lovino intently. Lovino returned his attention to the card, if for no other reason than to avoid Antonio’s unwavering stare. Opening the card, he began to read.
Lovi,
I know you don’t like really big gestures and maybe you don’t even want to go to prom. But you are the most amazing person I know. You are so soft and sweet even though you don’t want people to know that. I feel like I found a rare gem every time you smile. I love that you wear your heart on your sleeve, unafraid to say what you’re thinking. Here’s what I’m thinking: Prom? With me? Please?
Antonio
Lovino felt his chest tighten, even as the anxiety he had felt all day melted away. He read the note again, his eyes lingering on the last question. Antonio was right, he hadn’t intended to go to prom. He imagined it would be loud and sweaty. He wasn’t entirely unconvinced he wouldn’t be judged for simply being there either. But if Antonio was the one taking him to prom, he was more than willing to go.
It took him far too long to realize that Antonio was still waiting for a response. He smiled as he looked back at him, nodding fervently. “Yes, I’ll go to pro-woah!” He yelped as Antonio launched himself across the bench and hugged him tightly. He nearly dropped the balloon dog, managing to put it on the ground before hugging Antonio back. Antonio kissed him, grinning broadly as he pulled away. Lovino’s smile stretched further across his face. Antonio gave him one final squeeze before he pulled away.
You deserve more than you think you do.
The counselor's words echoed through his mind. Their friends cheered, surrounding them with congratulations. As joy filled the air, Lovino couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, the counselor was right.