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Deep Dive was fine, if not a little boring. Kinkajou wasn't sure what direction she wanted to take anything, but at least Fatespeaker gave her the very simple start of "learn to read." After all, Kinkajou "couldn't very well make a catalogue out of dance steps" (she totally could).
The book Fatespeaker gave to her was supposed to be entry-level reading, but it still required basic knowledge of letters. Which Kinkajou barely knew. It was embarrassing to sound out words at the back of the classroom while the rest of her winglet sped along on their independent studies, reminding Kinkajou a bit too much of when she came home and found herself a year behind on everything.
She had asked Qibli for help (he seemed the friendliest) but he insisted he had to work on his Deep Dive question. Both Qibli and Winter were supposed to write out a list of ideas that they could talk over with Fatespeaker once she had set up the other winglet.
It was much more fun to listen to Qibli and Winter's conversation than to try and read. Qibli sounded like he was being a nuisance (exactly why Kinkajou loved hanging around him!) but Winter was holding his own.
Turtle and Umber were practically laying on top of each other as they read their own stuff. Carnelian was taking notes on something, in between scowls shot at Kinkajou's reading attempts.
Moonwatcher was on the other side of the room, thankfully. Kinkajou knew Moonwatcher had slipped out of the room last night, returning with Turtle, but she hadn't let Moonwatcher know. It unsettled Kinkajou, how mysterious and quiet Moonwatcher was. Then again, it wasn't like Kinkajou wanted to get to know her.
The bigger problem was the other Nightwing dragonet. The Quartz winglet was with them today, and something about the Nightwing rubbed Kinkajou the wrong way. More than Moonwatcher. The Nightwing kept throwing glances at her too.
Fatespeaker was still talking to them. Fatespeaker… Kinkajou listened to the intonation of her voice, watched the fluttery shifting of her talons, smelled the wafting scent of the flower drapery that hung from her horns. Fatespeaker was probably safe. That didn't mean she would keep Kinkajou safe.
Kinkajou sighed, and went back to sounding out the book.
"Are you kidding me?" The voice wasn't shouting, but it was loud- authoritative. Kinkajou looked up to find the Quartz Nightwing standing up, facing the back. For a panicked moment, Kinkajou thought he was facing her. But no, his attention was honed in on Moonwatcher.
"Mightyclaws?" Fatespeaker said. "What's wrong?"
"Are you kidding me?" He said again. Mightyclaws… Mightyclaws… why was that familiar? Kinkajou noticed she was shaking.
"What?" Moonwatcher said, so very quietly. The trickster.
"You get our dream and it isn't enough for you?" Mightyclaws' voice was rising.
"Mightyclaws, I'm not sure what you're saying," Fatespeaker said.
"Prophecies, really?" He snapped. He didn't even glance at Fatespeaker.
"I was just curious-" Moonwatcher began her charade.
"WHY?" He shouted. "Why bother with a lie? Sorry you missed out on it?" There was so much anger in his voice. Kinkajou felt her pulse rise as blood rushed in her ears. Her mouth stayed closed.
"Everyone else seems to know," Moonwatcher said plaintively.
"You want to be like us? Is that it?" Mightyclaws said. Kinkajou could feel how tall and powerful and angry he was, even from this distance. She tried to quiet her breathing.
"Mightyclaws, it's not right to be harassing another student, especially in front of your classmates. If you have problems, you should speak to an adult first," Fatespeaker said. She seemed to be handling this incident better than yesterday's.
"ARE YOU TRYING TO BE LIKE THE REST OF US?" Mightyclaws repeated. He was so loud. Kinkajou swore she could hear the popple-crack of bubbling lava in his voice.
"Of course!" One could say, knowing Moonwatcher, that she shouted. It was more like she spoke at a normal volume.
"Why?" Mightyclaws’s voice broke. "We all would've killed to be where you were. We were supposed to kill to get what you had. You were eating mangoes while we breathed smoke, wishing beyond hope that we could leave. Now you say you want to be like us?"
She was what?
"I just want to be a real Nightwing-"
"NO YOU DON'T. LISTEN TO ME. NO. YOU. DON'T. You have no idea how good you have it- how horrible it is to be one of us. The hunger, the lies, the bravado, the-" Mightyclaws cut himself off as his eyes landed on Kinkajou again. Then he burst out laughing. It was a horrible, hoarse laugh. A very familiar laugh. A laugh of smoke and hunger and thirst.
"What's so funny?" Qibli said. It was impossible for Kinkajou to tell his tone.
"That Rainwing is more Nightwing than little Moon! Just ask her, Moonwatcher. She'll tell you how horrible we are. I bet there isn't a dragon alive who could explain it better," Mightyclaws says, before storming out of the room.
Kinkajou's vision was blurry. Her throat hurt. She needed water. Can she ask for some? What happens if they say no?
"Kinkajou?" Clay said. He looks smaller. "What's that about?"
"I don't know," Kinkajou said. There's no need for him to worry. No real concerns, anyway.
"That sounded important, Kinkajou," Sunny said. Her voice sounded different.
"If it's important, it's still his problem," Kinkajou said.
"Kinkajou, would you like to hang out in the Library instead?" Fatespeaker said. Her face was hollow. Her eyes sunken. Every dragonet on this island was sickly.
Kinkajou shrugged. Fatespeaker frowned.
"This classroom is kinda full with all 14 of us- maybe Kinkajou and I could go to the library together?" Sunny said. Fourteen? There's just the four of them. Unless there were other Nightwing dragonets. Maybe Starflight was here? Ah- yes. He's curled up in the corner. He seemed frightened. By the trees, Kinkajou was hungry.
"Qibli, I need you to stay here and work on your list. Turtle, Umber, how about you take her?" Fatespeaker said. Sunny nodded, while Clay guided Kinkajou out into the hall. Someone else was with him- they looked like Tsunami. Bright, angry Tsunami. Kinkajou felt safer when Glory and her friends were protecting her. She would be safer with Clay then she ever was at home.
No one could take her with Tsunami here. No one could forget her with Sunny here. No one could die in front of her with Clay here.
The sunlight was so warm and comfortable. Kinkajou was near a window, and the soft, fresh air relaxed her.
"Do you want your book back?" Someone said.
Kinkajou turned. Turtle (when had he gotten here?) was holding her book, his own, and Umber's.
"Oh, yeah, thanks for carrying it!" Kinkajou said. She noticed how dark and drab her scales were, and tried to spread the pink and yellow on her frills to her whole body.
"You don't know how to read, right?" Umber said, materializing beside her.
"No, not a clue," Kinkajou said, laughing a bit. She shook herself, wringing the negativity from her scales.
"I'm not the best reader, but I can work with you on it!" Umber said. "Turtle can help too."
Turtle blinked, clearly not aware he volunteered. Kinkajou laughed again. This time it caught in her throat, sending her into a coughing fit. She couldn't breathe she couldn't breathe she couldn't breathe-
"Hey, you ok?" Umber said gently, touching her with his wing.
"I must be tired. There's so much going on, after all. I've never left the rainforest, you know?" Kinkajou said. She liked to say what she wished was true, hoping that maybe if she repeated it enough it'd be her reality.
"I think there's a waterfall a few steps down the hall, if you need?" Turtle said. He was staring out the window, his pale green eyes looking like the underside of leaves bathed in sunlight. He turned back to them. "You were coughing. For your throat." He paused, looking impossibly awkward. "Sorry, I didn't sleep well."
"It's fine, Turtle," Umber said. His smile was weak, though. Kinkajou thought about the weight of worrying all the time about other people. She felt the desaturated greens and purples spreading across her chest and tried desperately to stamp them down.
"I appreciate it! I am thirsty," Kinkajou said. She wasn't really, but her throat still felt scratchy.
"I'll come with," Umber said.
"You don't have to-"
"I want to." Umber said it with a certain finality, so Kinkajou let him. It wasn't often dragons wanted to walk with her.
Turtle kept their books, laying out on a comfortable couch as they left.
"Are you ok, Kinkajou?" Umber said again. (Again? When was the first time…?)
"Yeah, of course!" She said cheerily.
"Kinkajou I mean it. Your scales got a lot darker- that indicates your mood, right?" Oh, bugger it all.
"I just don't like it when dragons yell. It's- obnoxious." Kinkajou was carefully controlling her scale color. Also, hopefully, Umber hadn't figured out what each color meant.
"Then can I ask you a question?" Umber said. Kinkajou stumbled.
"I'd rather you not," she said, her voice softer. They'd reached the mini waterfall (very mini) and Kinkajou stuck her whole face right into it. She heard Umber laughing.
"Is that how all Rainwings drink water?" He said.
Kinkajou raised her head up out of the water. "Nope, just me!" She smiled. It was so so nice to smile.
Umber smiled too, but he hesitated. Kinkajou went back to drinking water (normally, with only her mouth dipped into it) before he could ask her something uncomfortable.
"During the war," Umber began. Kinkajou felt her heart sink. "We were scared a lot. Me and my sibs. We were really young, and all the older dragons who were supposed to teach us weren't around. We learned from other dragonets, sometimes those just a few months older than us. They didn't really know what they were doing either and… well. A lot of dragonets died. My sister Crane being one of them."
Umber paused. Kinkajou had stopped drinking water, but she let it slip over her snout.
"There's a whole lot of ways we were failed, a whole lot of ways Crane could've survived. I don't… I don't like to say it, but I never cared much for our Queen. I completely gave up hope on her when I realized it was her policies that kept us abandoned. But the dragons who never, ever failed me were my sibs. We became each other's rocks. We confided everything in each other, spent nights curled around our makeshift fires listening to everyone's problems and coming up with solutions."
Umber leaned up against a wall, and Kinkajou raised her head to watch him.
"Most of the solutions were really stupid, you know? But they were funny, at least. And we felt heard." Umber stared Kinkajou in the eye. "I know we're not really friends yet, but Turtle's been showing me that this winglet is our school sib group. We're in this together. It won't be as scary as dragons bleeding out, or as devastating as being unable to find food, but we should still be here for each other. I am here for you."
Time hung in the air as Kinkajou watched him, thinking about what he said. She let her scales show whatever colors they wanted to be.
"I just wanted you to know, is all," Umber said, and then he leaned over for water.