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I didn’t want to do this, but it was the only way. I had to get up there and make a fool of myself in order for the demon to read my soul and I was going to do it. It was my fault the protector was killed, my mistake so I had to put it right.
I heard all the excuses coming out of my mouth as to why I had chosen the song. ‘It’s pretty; I know the words’, what I really meant was that I had listened to it almost every day since I left Buffy.
It wasn’t a comfort, I didn’t deserve that, it was a twisting knife, continually reminding me of what I had walked out on. I knew that leaving had been the right thing, didn’t mean I had to like it, didn’t mean it couldn’t hurt, didn’t mean I couldn’t regret it with every fiber of my being.
I took a deep breath and walked onto the stage, desperately fighting the urge to run. I was Angel – Protector of the helpless, I was Angelus – the Scourge of Europe, I could do this.
The music began; there was no backing out of this now. My voice cracked as I began to sing.
I remember all my life
Raining down as cold as ice
Shadows of a man, a face through a window crying in the night
The night goes into morning, just another day
Happy people pass my way
Looking in their eyes, I see a memory
I never realized how happy you made me
I focused hard on the soul of the vampire they called Angel. I didn’t think he would do this, he proved me wrong. He was a strong character this one, he had to be to carry the burdens he did.
I kept getting an image of a blonde girl; and every time he thought of her the waves of love, pain, regret and anguish were overwhelming. There was a lot more to him than I first thought.
I'm standing on the edge of time
I've walked away when love was mine
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing
The tears are in my mind, and nothing is rhyming
This was killing me, and not from embarrassment. Every single word took me back to her, her kisses, caresses, the way she loved me, the way I always knew when she was around, and my undead heart would leap.
I wanted this to end; I wanted to leap from the stage, dive into my car and drive like a bat out of hell to Sunnydale. I wanted to press her against me, feel her heart pounding against my chest; I wanted to feel her hot lips hungrily tasting mine. God how I missed her.
Yesterday's a dream, I face the morning
Crying on a breeze, the pain is calling
The vampire was suffering; the love he felt for this woman was his greatest motivation and also his greatest suffering. I had never sensed a passion like the one this creature carried. Maybe he was worthy.
Oh, Mandy
Well, you came and you gave without taking
But I sent you away, oh, Mandy
Well, you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh, Mandy
And suddenly it was over; I became aware of my surroundings, of the silent tears that tracked down my cheeks. Hurriedly I left the stage to be met by the demon. He looked at me with a mixture of compassion and loathing.
“Well Honey, my ears are killing me but…you are worthy.”