Work Text:
Tears stung my eyes as the sound of their footsteps approached , as a child I was afraid of thunder. The loud booms would cause me to run straight to my parents bedroom. My mother would lovingly stroke the short tuft of hair i used to have and whisper “Connie, thunder is only a sound it can’t hurt you.”
I wonder what younger me would think now, those booming sounder were attached to a human eating monster, probably seven meters tall with no remorse for humanity. I wasn’t going to grow old, I would never get grow my hair out, I would never get married, I would never be able to get drinks with Reiner. Though that was never going to happen even If I wasn’t going to die, I mixture of betrayal, confusion, anger and sadness rushed into me again. I choked down the tears, once more. I was unable to move feeling like i was choking, drowning on air. Taking deep and relax breaths, hoping to calm my pounding heartbeat. My gaze landed on my best friend, who back was pressed up against the wall of the alley we were hiding in. Her auburn hair was tangled and messy, Brown eyes overflowing with tears. Sasha Braus, age 19 favorite food, (despite popular belief) Quail. She and I had been closer than most, every since the second week of joining the trainees. God that was nearly six years ago now, so much had happened since then. So many people had died that were my friends Thomas, Mina, Nac , Mylius, Marco, Ymir and now soon to be us.
Six years ago now, I can vaguely remember it now we were in the dining hall. “Oi, Potato Girl stop hogging the butter.” Jean was mocking her with that nickname which was slightly understandable since it was 5:22 am and Jean wasn’t and still isn’t a morning person.
“Just shut up horseface, that joke stop being funny a week ago.” Coming to the girl defense, we weren’t close at the time yet but I still spoke up. I back home had the nickname of ‘shrimp’ because of my tiny and short body standing at a proud 5’1. So i know having a nickname you didn’t like could suck, like really hardcore fucking suck. I remember jean telling me to “Shut it baldy!”
We spat back and forth for awhile Marco finally got us both to quiet down, with the promise of sharing his coffee rations with us, the Marco Bodt way of saying ‘ if you don’t shut the fuck up i will pound but of your asses in the ground understand?’’ Sasha was laughing her ass off, I mean just dying in laughter. After that we spent everyday together dusk till dawn, every day during training it was me and her. We comforted each other after the loss of our friends during the battle of Trost. We stood side by side through everything, best friends through thick and thin.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t like Sasha, well I mean I love Sasha as a friend but… I also thought when we got older when I don’t know fall in love? Maybe there isn’t true love out there but I felt like if I could be with anyone I would want it to be her. She was beautiful, she was tough, she was more than just potato girl! I could only dream to be as brave as her. I used to think about us getting a house together, not to big but not small. We would get up in the morning both of us cooking a breakfast fit for kings, we would takes walks together and go out drinking with Reiner. We would have visited Marco and Jean in Sina, maybe Marco would have told Jean how he felt and they would have been in a relationship, maybe not who cares anymore? It’s not like dreams will ever come true.
“Connie…” A shaky voice awoke me from my thoughts, my eyes looking over at Sasha, too see why she said my name. She was holding her stomach with one hand her other being used sightly cover her mouth with her finger but chewed on lips could be seen through the gaps, her eyes now puffy and red underneath. Her hair still a tangled mess, Sasha back was pressed against a wall. Next to a few empty crates which she slowly sat on.
“Connie.” She whispered again, I made my way over to her gently sitting down to the left on the girl. Not wanting to upset set he with any fast past movements, I knew people with dealing with or have dealt with trauma can get upset. When were still in training once we instead to prank a kid by the name of Daz, so we hid behind a wall and screamed when we had saw him. He apparently Cried in Marco's arms for three hours as Krista told him everything is okay. We applied the next day and he said he had forgave us but I pretty sure he didn’t like hanging out with us anymore.
“Yeah Sash?” I asked I move my way to the hand now resting on the wooden box we were sitting on, stroking the knuckles comfortingly. Hoping to calm her shaking state, she open her mouth to speak but no words came out. She swallowed drying free hand wiping away a few tears, I never thought I would ever see her like this. I never wanted to, the closet that hand come was so long ago all I remember is that Annie had saved me from a titan.
“Connie are we gonna... Die?” she asked not seeming to want to know the answer. What should I say? Yes or no, the truth that hurt or a lie which would make her feel better. I knew what I had to do and as much as it hurt to see sasha like the way she looked now. I wouldn’t lie to her, she deserve to be told the truth. “Yeah, Yeah I think so.” It so much to say those words out loud.
She stared at me eyes filled with fear, after I could see them looking past me. I didn’t need to look back to know what it was, there was nowhere to run. Nothing we could do in this moment but let go, i smiled at her. I had no idea why, it was just some I had to do. She opened her mouth to speak. ‘I’m to young to die.’ ‘I’ll miss you.’ ‘Where are the others?’ or maybe a pray to whatever god she believed in.
“Connie kiss me.” her voice was soft and shaky as she pressed her lips against mine, I was numb in a good way. It wasn’t passion filled nor was it just a peck, it was a simple kiss which seem to be filled with a sight feeling of regret. ‘ I love you Sasha.’ I thought these words over and over again, feeling myself began to cry when i felt it’s hand wrap its fingers around us.
“Connie?” she asked me, her tone relaxed not like the one I had heard a Minute ago.
“Yes sasha?” I repeated back, wonder what she wanted.
“Connie wake the hell up would you?”
My eyes still heavy open slightly, back aching from falling asleep in the passenger side of the van. I looked over at Sasha to see her snacking on a cow's tail, different candy wraps and fast food bags littered the floor of the van. It was a dream, god it felt so real at the time. I sat up head arched up letting out a deep sigh, hearing the the sweet melody of starry cat. I rubbed my eyes looking out at the the sun setting sky, I could smell the ocean approaching as we drove closer to the coast. We were going on a trip with our friends, we were going to get there first since Sasha could carry more in the van so everyone's bags and shit was piled into the back. The rest of the gang would get here by the next day or two. I looked at the two seats placed behind us just to check and yep there they were. Jean seemed to be writing a song for his stupid band he had made with Ymir, Bert and Eren; Marco was looking out the window, his sketch book resting gently on his lap a few pens and pencil on the ground. He looked away to give a sweet smile to me, seemly sightly exhausted. he told maybe last year he could never sleep in cars and could get car sick pretty easy so he never ate while driving, and we had been driving for nearly a day now, poor freckled guy.
“Ya’ know Con, it’s not really fair you got to nap for a while and I’m stuck here driving.” Sasha grumbled sarcastically, moving to get a sip out of the a can coffee drink she got a gas station, while I was asleep. I couldn’t say anything, I was too aware of the world around me too. My friends, my three best friends out of everybody. Nightmares were bullshit, making me feel like fucking shit. We drove for maybe twenty minutes, before Marco said we should get a room at a motel for the night. Everyone seemed to agree if not only to let the poor guy get a break, we apparently only had a hour longer to go so it would be an easier drive in the morning, the place we stay had a small restaurant in it where Marco shoved food into his mouth much like I’ve seen Sasha do many times. I told them about my dream minus the part of me kissing my friend, Sasha mocked me and said that he packed my nightlight so I shouldn’t worry. I shoved her feeling embarrassed wishing I had just kept it to myself. She throw her arm me saying “You know you love me Springer.”
Yeah, I really do Sash, I wish I could tell you.