Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Not a minute passes, not a minute or second, without a corpse.

My face is cold, and damp.. I can't stop crying.
I look at my brother, my mother. How come my dad survived? I can't be in the same home as him, so I was sent to Rick and Lori’s house. It feels strange.. They treated me like their own son so quickly.
Great guess, apparently. When I asked Lori why she was so sweet to me, she replied, “Well.. You just remind me of my son.”

“…what was his name?”

Huh. They had a son.

“... Carl”
“He would have liked you.”
She went quiet.
That happened a lot, despite how attached they had become to me- and how attached I’d become to her, just Lori. It's harder for me to open up to Rick. Of course, both of them were definitely projecting their grief onto me, and I felt bad being his replacement. “He was young, too young. Only 10 years old, he got separated from us.” She wipes her tears on her sleeve, “during a hoard, he was trying to save sofia but..” she cuts herself off, looking at her clenched hands beneath her
Who? Oh, right, Enid's new friend. I like her, it's comforting to know Enid has someone to protect her out there.
A few hours of silence passed, I wasn't upset. It felt nice. I had never quite gotten much quiet time at home, I literally have no idea how anybody can say silence is ‘loud’ like… that's impossible… silence is quiet,.. What?
Anyways. A few hours passed, and my silence was interrupted by someone I didn't recognize barging into the house and taking our things. For a moment, I was dumbfounded, but then, when I tried to speak to them, they quickly shut me up by pointing their gun in my face.
“Know your place, kid.”
He points the gun at the door, making eye contact with Lori to let her know he's talking to her too, telling us to go out, “go line up with the others.” he puts the gun away. “We’ll give you some important information.”

Lori and I joined the huge crowd, being surrounded by people pointing guns to it. It had to have been the entirety of Alexandria in there! Maybe half. I observed the group and noticed that Enid hadn't gotten back, Sophia did, though. I asked her where Enid was, and she replied, “She’s staying outside of the walls. We can tell her about anything groundbreaking later, after she gets back in.”
After i got over Enid, I noticed that Rick wasn't there either, and where was Carol, too? She would never leave Sophia's side, especially not like this

Just as I closed that thought, I heard the cries. Cries followed by a gunshot, then screams
“Good JOB kiddo!!” I heard from deep in the crowd
Curious, I freed myself from Loris’ grip on my shoulder and walk further into the crowd. I see Rick, Michonne, Glenn, and.. Is that… Abraham?? I can't tell with his head splattered in blood
The man standing above him was holding a bat, but it clearly wasn't a bat wound. It was a clean shot from the boy behind him. Who, I assume, is ‘kiddo’? He was definitely my age, but didn't look it
His eye was gouged out, and dry blood surrounded it. I could see into his skull, and when he looked down, a bit of blood fell to the floor. How could something like that even happen to someone so young? I feel bad for him, but it didn't overcome my fear of him. I didn't quite know Abraham, but he was one of us. He was supposed to live just a little longer, I didnt know him, but I do know that I would never want to go out like that

nobody would

Chapter Text

A week after Abraham died, the people who called themselves “the saviors” had come back. I was hidden in an empty attic, me Mike and Enid hang out there a lot, but both of them were with their parents, so it was just me up there.
Not even 20 minutes pass, and someone swings the door open. It was the ‘kiddo’ from last week. He froze, eye wide like a deer in headlights. How was HE scared? He was the one with the knife out! “Oh shit.. Uh, sorry..” he said, putting his knife away. I guess maybe I looked a little shocked, too.
He stared for a bit before getting called back down, “Grimes! Negan wants you.” from downstairs, so he closed the door without another word, well, without a word was right- he did take my dartboard though- the prick. I'm not actually too upset about that. I never used that thing anyways.
I'm really tired.
Anyway, I was curious about that kid, Grimes. So I opened the door and caught up with him and whispered, “Who’s Negan??” I was genuinely curious, but at the same time, this was just an excuse to indulge in the boy
He gave me a blank stare, only turning his head, and sighed, “What I should say is that I’m negan but” his last word ended with a sigh as he turned his body at me “but that's not what you're looking for,” he paused “is it?”
I didn't understand a word this fucker was saying to me, but I didn't want him to know that, so I just muttered out “uhh ye-.. Yeah,” Grimes nodded his head, “yeah, so Negan- the one with y’know the jacket and bat?- he’s the leader of the Saviors.”
“He’s also you, me, everyone here in Alexandria, and then some.”
“We’re all negan, or at least- that's what we say.” he shrugged, “I think it's some ego thing for negan.” he started walking away but i stopped him again “and you’re just okay with that?” it worked, he stopped in his tracks “what?” turning his head slightly, but not enough to look at me “youre completely fine with existing only for negan, youre not being held against your will or something?” i put my hands out, i do that a lot i tend to talk with my hands. Sam always thought I was going to hit him or something one day.
…
God, I miss Sam
…
From Grimes’s side profile, I saw him open his mouth to say something, but stopped himself and closed his mouth. Eventually, he turned further to me, still facing the ground. “I go on line-ups here every week, I can request to take up checkups, that’ll let me come here every other day.”
“I’ll talk to you then.”
And then he was gone

Chapter Text

About a week later, I had completely forgot that Carl promised to come by more often. Not to mention I lost all track of time. But since I was still in the attic, I was able to brush it off with “I zoned out.”
The first few minutes with Carl were pretty odd. He didn't say much; he just turned on the music and stared at the ceiling for a little while. After a bit of him lying, I decided to lie down too- I looked awkward as hell next to him, and for what?
Eventually, he spoke!! “Do you know how to use a gun?”... what? Why would he ask me that? I mean, of course not! I've never needed to learn, so why should I? “Um.. no, no I don't..” I said with a shakier voice than I wanted, god, I sounded like such a bitch…
“Want me to teach you?”
Of course, I said yes.
For a while, I felt like he would, like, I dunno, burn me at the stake for not being good at something I've never done before or something, but according to him, I was learning pretty well.
While he was teaching me the correct form, he cracked a few jokes. “It took Nolen two weeks to keep his finger off the trigger.” Up until now, I sort of assumed he couldn't joke at all, but jeez, he had sass. He spoke with his arms and with this tone that exaggerated everything he said, and good thing he never was one for eye contact.. He had this piercing blue eye, like Elvis or something. Most of the time, the light never hit it right for his eye to even be noticeable, but when the sun hit it perfectly, it looked like it was glowing. Impressive, really. I would say something about how much I was analyzing him, but honestly, I don't care. Anyone can tell how blue his eye was.
After Carl teaches me the extremely simple art of gun safety, Carl is called back downstairs to Negan. This time, I decided to follow him this time. When I saw the outer circle of this huge group, it was nothing but strangers all crowded near a van; to the left of the group was Negan. Carl just walked right up to him. I obviously followed, like some lost puppy.
Negan looked at me as such, looked down at me with a little smirk. “..hey kid!... uhh” he looked around “where the fuck did you come from?” he said with a chuckle, as he looked back to me.
I stayed silent.
I guess i was just stunned, this guy was a freak.
“His name is… um..” his eyes darted to me, fuck i never told him my name “...ron” i filled his sentence.
“Uhh.. hah… cool.. But where did this little brat COME from?” he looked to Carl and swung his bat to point to me, “as in, why’s he followin’ you?” Carl looked down, shit, I guess I shouldn't have followed him then.
“We.. ah… met in the attic up there,” Carl threw his hand in the direction of my house
Negan chuckled, “Okaayy, kiddo.. I guess i can see why you would want to do that,” he planted his hand in Carl's hair, leaning on him a little, “but let this be a WARNING that-” he pushed off Carls head, raising his voice and turning to the crowd, “that behavior is NOT acceptable!” he brought his bat up to his own face “now, Luccille baby, what ever do we DO?” he muttered with a little hip-dip
… Luccille?? Who was he talking to?? The BAT? Oh, okay… this guy is insane. Good to know.
Either way, Carl looked freaked out, like he knew something bad was going to happen. He started walking back slowly. Luckily, no one else noticed, and i started backing up with him. He clearly knew the situation better than me
We definitely lucked out and got over the walls undetected. Then carl grabbed my hand and ran the two of us into the woods.

Chapter Text

Out of the walls was not as bad as I thought it would be. I mean, yeah, there were roamers everywhere, and it was hard to eat, but it was like that for me in Alexandria anyway. Besides, it was sort of peaceful, now, if I told Carl that, he would probably kick the shit out of me, but it was nice to be able to go on a walk without everyone trying to talk to me, constantly being set in the middle of overhearing my neighbors' stupid conversations, drama, and gossip. I don't CARE about any of it!! But now I'm finally alone.

Ish…

Luckily, Carl wasn't like anyone in Alexandria; he didn't feel the need to fill in the silence with pointless small talk, he didn't awkwardly glance at me wide-eyed before saying “so…”
In other words, he wasn't annoying as hell.
Carl led the way through the woods, killing off the occasional roamer for me, which apparently he thought I couldn't do myself, which was half true. I’d much rather not, but it's just as gross either way. Blood freaks me out, and every squelch I hear when Carl kills one of them off sends shivers through my whole body. After he kills it, he just grabs my hand and has us walking again.
At the first few minutes out here, he was livid at me for following him, but slowly he warmed up to it, thankfully. Sometimes he makes me kill the walkers, too, so I'm not a complete dead weight (pun intended), and god is it disgusting, my hands get all bloody and I just have to rub it off on my pants, eugh.. Anyways.
Eventually, we heard leaves crunching slowly behind us. I cringed thinking that maybe it was a roamer and Carl was going to make me kill it, but eventually I realized- mostly from how Carl was walking over so unbothered- that they were a person, and probably a person who could help us.
I tried following him, but Carl stopped me, mouthing “stay here” and putting his hand out. So I did just that, I stood around occasionally turning around to check for roamers, and I waited for Carl to come back. Like a puppy or something. I'm being so weird about this… I mean- he has been keeping me safe, but that's out of obligation- or maybe fun- this Grimes kid is a real piece of work, but I'm thankful for him anyway. He got me out of those damn walls and out of my stupid head. I swear, if I were left alone for any longer, I would have probably jumped out of that attic window.
Carl had came back with enid and sophia, holding hands the girls looked ragged and dirty.