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Kenta stood on the small balcony of his newly acquired home, a cup of hot coffee in his hand and staring out at the early morning sun as it rose slowly above the city.
For many people life today would be the same as it had been yesterday, as it had been the day before, and numerous days before then. They would awaken, see their families, go to work or school and just live the kind of mundane lives the vast majority of people lived, and complained about. Having the kind of issues most people thought were earth shattering, mortgages, bad results on exams, losing jobs.
That was the kind of life Kenta had given up dreaming about long ago.
The kind of life he was no longer suited for……….
…...Tony had made sure of that.
And yet if you had told him even a few days ago that he would be here, alone, unhurried and unbothered by the world around him…….just standing on the very balcony of a home which belonged to him, Kenta would have laughed in your face.
He had been raised to believe himself as not even a human, he was a thing, an object!
A puzzle piece to move around the board as required by those who considered themselves his betters.
He had been raised not to question………….questions led to punishments.
He had been raised not to hesitate……….only cowards hesitated and Tony didn’t keep cowards.
And he had been trained to certainly not fail……….failure was a death sentence even for someone as far up in the ranks as he had been.
And yet, even with all that training ingrained in his mind he had always wondered what life would be outside his cage.
Would he like it?
Would he even be able to survive?
Pete had been his first link to the outside world. The man Kenta had seen as a brother, and maybe even something more. But their relationship had broken before anything could be discovered when Pete had run away from Tony, leaving him behind. Although he had understood, part of him had felt betrayed at the person he trusted most not even saying goodbye before abandoning him. Yet there they were years later, and Kenta had still found it hard to say no to the only man he had felt human warmth with, human closeness to. Only to yet again be abandoned in Tony’s clutches when his usefulness came to an end. Part of him had known it would happen, that Pete couldn’t have survived outside without knowing when to cut off those no longer useful, but the feeling still stung.
Then there was Kim, a man Kenta still couldn’t quite wrap his head around.
Kenta had once been in charge of Kim’s confinement and punishment, yet Kim had opened the doors to the privacy of his own apartment when Kenta was without a home.
Kenta was an unknown, maybe a spy or an enemy combatant, and Kim had always tried to make him feel comfortable and included.
Kenta had tried to make things right by going it alone and refusing to drag others into danger, and yet Kim had always refused to allow him to do so, determined to stride right into danger with him.
The man made no sense and yet somehow, over the few months they had been in each others lives, Kim had become grounding, a part of his day he looked forward to. Something that made sense to him in a way nothing else ever had.
Kenta looked down at the cup in his hand. Pitch black coffee, the way Tony had always liked it, and the only way Kenta could ever remember drinking the stuff.
He knew there were other ways, but it had never occurred to him to try.
Glancing down further he took in the sight of his slippered feet……..a gift bought for him by Kim. Practical but yet soothing. Something he could choose to use of not.
As if the slippers were leading him, Kenta idly meandered from the balcony to the kitchen where he poured milk into the coffee watching it turn from black to a dark brown, before adding a heaped spoon of sugar.
If he was going to start changing he may as well do it like he meant it!
The taste still held some of the bitterness of the black coffee, but somehow was smoother, more sweet and easier to swallow. Somehow kinder, and lighter.
Why was his mind flickering back to Kim all of a sudden?
Kim would already be in Korea, back to his old life racing cars, not even thinking about things like murderous millionaires, getting captured or insane experiments.
Kim would be happy, back with his old friends, maybe finding someone to give all his love to……...where he belonged.
And why was that thought making Kenta want to growl?
Kim had told him to call, but Kenta knew the other man was just being kind.
Kim didn’t really want him to call, Kenta was just a link to what was possibly the most traumatic time of Kim’s life. Why would he possibly want Kenta to keep in touch?
Besides, it wasn’t like he was alone.
Kenta had more people around him now than he knew what to do with.
Babe and Charlie clucked around him like mother hens, if possible Alan was even worse. Jeff, North and Sonic always said hello when he visited the X hunter garage, whilst trying to pull him into whatever squabble they were having at the time, or trouble they were trying to cook up. It felt quite good to be involved in something where he wasn’t the one standing out, but blending in. There was no one scared of him, rather the opposite. Alan, Babe, Charlie…...there were many others in charge, bareing the responsibility, all he had to do was relax..
A foreign concept until recently.
But still, something was missing and he didn’t know what.
He had freedom to find himself and the money with which to do so.
He had the time and space to do what he liked.
He had the friends to support him, comfort him, guide him……….without it feeling demanding.
He had a life he had never dared dream of when he worked for Tony…….a dream he thought had been beaten out of him long ago.
Who was he now even?
What could he do with his life no he had a choice in the matter?
So many thoughts running through his mind.
And yet……
Something was still missing.
Putting the now cold coffee down on the counter Kenta looked at his phone and agonised over the idea of calling.
Kim had the ability to see into his soul in a way no one else did……….to know what he needed before even he did.
Surely Kim would work out what was wrong with him and know how he could fix it.
Why he was being so selfish as to not appreciate the gift of freedom he had been given.
Picking up the phone, Kenta scrolled down to where Kim’s name appeared and hovered over the button for a second before pressing.
He hoped he wasn’t doing the wrong thing.
The phone rang for a long minute, and Kenta’s confidence was just about to falter when someone answered.
Kim’s tired, but friendly voice appeared at the other end.
‘Kenta! You actually called.’
Kenta swallowed, his throat suddenly dry.
‘I hope you don’t mind, but I need some advice.’ He said as honestly as he could.
The murmur of interest came down the line and Kenta felt his shoulders relax a little that Kim hadn’t just told him to work it out himself, or worse that the ‘call me’ had just been some sick joke the other man hadn’t meant.
Still Kenta knew better than to over stay his welcome.
He would take Kim’s advice, say thankyou and then not disturb the other man ever again.
He could make himself that promise!
Even as one side of his mind was making that firm vow though, the other side that was listening to Kim’s warm voice was wondering just how long it would be until he broke it!