Chapter Text
I've got a love for you I just can't escape
All of my love for you cuts me like barbed wire
I was meant to love you and always keep you in my life
I was meant to love you,
I knew I loved you at first sight
If I abandoned love I'd be a man without dreams
I'd rather be out there staring death right between its eyes now
Opera House - Cigarettes After Sex
Prologue
Kojiro can’t remember the first time he’d gone to the convenience store with Kaoru, nor the first time he’d slept over at his house. Kojiro can’t remember how they ended up spending almost every moment of their days, weeks and months with each other for the past few years.
He also can’t seem to remember how he’d gotten here in the first place; absolutely helpless, pathetically running along the familiar streets of what he’d decided to call home.
In truth, Nanjo Kojiro just couldn’t remember some things so well. Bad memory was a frequent allegation of him from Kaoru which was very much true; he never really had the feat at that.
One thing he sure did have, however, was a sense of responsibility (kind of). And Nanjo Kojiro took the absolute pride in it.
Kojiro’s integrity was unmatched. The jock and toned build he honed was just a small facet of who he was; and even that surface of him was usually taken to misunderstandings.
His height and relatively muscular body was what caused the glances and talk along the hallways, his smile was what made girls’ cheer, follow and surround him.
His character, however—the way he’d open doors for everyone without exceptions, his actions in standing up for someone or his efforts on helping students and teachers’ favors—was what made, probably every single girl in the school, adore him. Crush on him. Love him. He knew this, of course.
He was no straight A student, nor someone who climbs the school ranks every year. He was, however, someone who gave his best effort in school; he took down notes, listened to what every teacher had to say (tried to), and put his all into exams or assignments, of course, with the help of his best friend.
Kojiro had been determined to be present in all the classes he had; not having a single absent score on his report. He had gone so far as to come to school when he’d caught a fever, especially to not miss the biology exam they had that one day.
Today was as normal as the other days that had passed by. Kojiro stirred out of bed, got ready, and headed to school. What wasn’t normal though, was seeing the absence of a certain someone.
Kojiro hadn’t caught sight of a pink-haired figure amongst the crowd by the front gate, nor by the school hallways routing to his class.
He had waited before the first session started, or for a message to pop up on his screen. Nothing.
Sundays were one of the usual days Kojiro and Kaoru won’t meet up. There was no certain rule or schedule, just the fact that Kaoru would usually have something important on that day; calligraphy lessons, family functions—or occasions where his parents demanded his presence—with an assemblage of clients he never seemed to bother making acquaintances, and extra lessons from an accomplished tutor his parents had arranged.
Sometimes, they would still meet up at certain times of the day. In the afternoon, when the both of them had nothing better to do on their own, or at really late hours, either heedlessly skating into the night or preparing for schoolwork the next day.
Kojiro’s suspicions had arisen yesterday, when he hadn’t gotten a text from Kaoru even until the shadows of dusk started to appear. They didn’t need to text everyday, but it was unusual not seeing a message of any sort.
Kaoru would tell him if he had nothing much scheduled on that certain day, so Kojiro had believed there were some events he had to attend.
But he didn’t see a message any similar to a “Oh my goodness, some old man’s kid just dropped a dinner’s plate worth of cake,” or a “This distinguished guy was being introduced to me by my parents and his attempt at hiding his reaction to my hair colour was too difficult to watch that I almost died on the spot.”
He’d never admit it, but it was always one of the things Kojiro would look forward to whenever Kaoru’s out doing his own things; being included in whatever Kaoru had seen or did as if he was right there with him. The thought that the other person had also thought of him made him feel warm, accompanied.
He wasn’t sad or anything, but the absence of recurring messages shook him off just a bit.
Maybe it was alright. It was a Sunday after all. But today wasn’t. And today, he didn’t receive any text, not even so much of a “I can’t come to school today.”
Kaoru had always given his reasons if he had to be absent, not that he was often absent. However, not only did Kojiro not receive a reason or announcement, but he didn't even receive a message of some sort for almost 72 hours.
..Was Kaoru feeling down? Because of–
No. None of that.
During class, he’d occasionally glance at the empty seat at the side or take a peek at the phone under his desk, tapping its screen to see any notifications.
Sessions had gone by way too slow, and Kojiro was out in the school’s open areas with a few girls from his class by the lunch hours.
One of them was talking about the dress she had bought for the upcoming party they had in two days before she was interrupted by a ringing toll.
Kojiro’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He picked it up, turned and walked slightly away from the group after making a quick apologetic smile.
Thank goodness.
He brought the phone to his ear. “Kaoru?”
No reply. 6 seconds.
10 seconds.
Was he connected or did the call turn off? Kojiro pulled it back to check the screen before bringing it back up.
It was on. Kaoru’s contact was plastered across the screen.
What the hell? What happened to him? Why’s he not answering?
19 seconds.
“Ka-“
The raspy voice chimed in from the other end. It was small, very small; but it was there.
“Can you come over?”
· · ─ · 🌸 · ─ · ·
T-minus 18 days
Once Kojiro’s front truck passed over the lip of the top, he rode down the ramp with a switch. He took sight of the way a cool breeze gusted locks of blue hair in the air as he rolled down the ramp after a boardslide on a corroding rail.
Adam passed by another skater as he spun in a 180-degree angle before twisting his head at the distant voice approaching the group. Upon hearing the yell, Kojiro stopped his rock to fakie.
“It’s here! Come get some before Isamu eats it all,” shouted one of the skaters bringing plastics of takeout. The rest of the group in the skatepark surrounds the approaching figures as boxes of food are placed on the concrete.
Kojiro wasn’t that hungry, so he took a few chunks of boneless chicken and one cold cola. He stood around by the group and searched for a flash of pink hair. There weren’t that many people; he knew three or four skaters that he and Kaoru would usually meet a couple of times by the park and noticed around five or six people that usually hung by Adam’s side.
Where the hell had he gone? He just saw him earlier, headings towards the circle from the halfpipe he and Kojiro skated in.
His head turned to a certain spot and caught sight of Adam approaching the certain someone leaning by a particular tall rail. Kaoru twisted his head at the approaching man when he leaned next to him; their heads faced each other while conversing.
One hand holding the carton box, Kaoru’s other hand brought a piece of tempura to his mouth, which stopped right by his chin as he started laughing.
It was a small laugh, but something the other person said had triggered it. Kojiro sipped his drink as his eyes remained on their distant conversation.
A gust of wind blew a few strands of Kaoru’s hair to the side with one or two shorter locks swaying in front of his face. He put another piece into his mouth before saying something to the figure next to him. Kaoru had a slight curve of his lips resting on his face.
His lip piercing glinted under the moonlight. Kojiro hated how pretty it looked.
Kojiro pulled his gaze to the box in his hand before glancing at the rest of the takeouts at his right side. One of the skaters held one box in his hand, picking up a piece while someone next to him took out a chunk right after. The others were sharing the meal.
Maybe two or three skaters took one box for themselves, but that was after a few others had taken some bits for their own.
Kaoru took a whole box for himself and hadn’t bothered the slightest bit to give someone a piece of the pie.
Of course. Kojiro raised his brows at that and rolled his eyes with a scoff.
When his gaze rested upon the man once more, Adam was now leaning sideways next to him on the rails with his arms, fully facing the crossed arms figure. Kaoru turned his head frontwards before tilting it ever so slightly in the air with a roll of his eyes; he scoffed with a smirk.
So smug. Annoying. What were they even talking about? His cockiness really does irritate Kojiro in such a way. And although Kaoru was (thankfully) still leaning with his back touching the rails, their positipn twisted Kojiro’s gut to an extent he really didn’t like. Adam’s eyes were clearly on just Kaoru as the pink haired man rambled on.. something Kojiro wasn’t hearing.
Amber eyes met his stare and Kojiro tried to play it off. He took a sip of his coke before mouthing to the other person as slowly and clear as possible, syllable by syllable:
Fatass.
Kaoru stared back with an unamused expression. Opening his mouth and putting the entire piece of tempura in, he raised his now free hand up to his stomach and flipped Kojiro off; a stupid grin plastered on his face.
He was grateful there were some people near him so as to not make it seem like he’s some awkward guy being left out of their conversation and just stared, wishing to join in. And to make it seem like he was just taking a glance at the two, he called out the name of someone next to him whom he remembers and asked him about the takeout.
The other guy in the conversation they were having chimed in. Suddenly, Kojiro dragged himself into a talk he pretty much couldn’t care less about. They talked about the food, before it transitioned to a cool trick someone had done the night before.
Kojiro chipped in every few moments or so. At every other moment, he peeked out to the side where a certain pair was conversing.
Still conversing.
Kaoru was still smiling. Adam was still facing Kaoru in that certain manner.
He could feel the slight furrow of eyebrows forming above his eyes and tried to cover it up; put up the most casual and neutral expression he could make do. A grin painted Kojiro’s face as his stomach further twisted at the sight he kept looking back to.
Dazing off the conversation and heading up to the clouds, Kojiro played back the course of events of the past week in his mind. In two words: it sucked.
The previous few days were tough, with all the quizzes and studies he had to endure. Yes, he was able to have Kaoru accompany him almost every study session and even though he probably earned more insults than academic material, it was the only thing that had kept him going and motivated.
He thinks he did pretty great at the tests. But there were more coming, so he’d try not to get so giddy just yet. But the worst of it all was how each passing day was one less day closer to prom. Prom.
And Kojiro couldn’t be more rubbed off about it.
He looks over to the side and finds Kaoru smiling, listening intently to what the blue haired skater had to say.
They’ve always joked about being each other's backup plan for a partner if they're still single or alone by prom.
But with the way things have been unfolding the past week, the chances of being able to go with Kaoru was slimmer than reed–not that Kojiro ever thought there ever was a chance.
Both Adam and Kojiro had always gravitated towards Kaoru then they did the two of them. Things weren’t awkward or anything, but there will always be this different spark each of them exclusively shared with Kaoru that they don’t have with the other. Kojiro wasn’t blind either: the tension and whatever sort of thing Kaoru and Adam had was there; slipping out every now and then.
Just like it did at the very moment which brought Kojiro back to his senses; his eyes shot to his eyes to find the source of laughter. The bright burst of laughter drifted through the ordinary night.
Kaoru was laughing; eyes crinkled, mouth open, chest heaving. Adam was there too, laughing with him, just a bit more subtle. The two of them were laughing.
Kojiro looked away.
So much for trying to have a good time.
“Kaoru?”
The mere mention of the name brought him back into the conversation with a twist of his head.
“Yeah. Probably that.”
“What’s up?” Kojiro chimed in, trying to sound as casual as possible.
One of the guys who recognized Kojiro replied, “Oh it’s nothing-”
“That guy took like a whole box of tempura and hadn’t bothered sharing,” the other skater said with an easy smile.
Although feeling a bit uneasy, Kojiro chuckled at that, “Yeah, that twig always has to have his stomach full.” He gazed at the said boy.
“I mean, no one’s surprised though, the guy's just an arrogant bastard like that,” The same brunet from before shared with a laugh before scoffing, “what a dick.”
The rest of the group responded with a small, fleeting laugh though giving no actual verbal response at that. Except Kojiro.
“What?”
His tone probably shifted the mood, but he really couldn’t care.
The other skater raised his brow at that, “What?”
”You called him a dick."
He blinked. “Yeah? So what. It’s nothing new,” he said while displaying a grin. “Don’t be such a wuss-“
“You have quite the guts saying that for someone who probably ate more than his portion. You took a bunch of pieces from a bunch of different boxes and helped yourself. Heck, that’s your second coke isn’t it?“ Kojiro gave the drink in his hand an eye, jutting his chin out. “If anything you’re the dick here.”
It wasn’t really a big problem (right?), but it really annoyed him. These types of people annoy him.
“The fuck is your problem dude?” eyebrows furrowed, he shoved the taller boy though failing to move him even an inch.
“You’re the one calling people names. And when you’re literally much worse.” They glared at each other; still holding that stare as Kojiro exerted a push at his shoulder. “Do you know how hypocritical that is?” He twisted one corner of his lips upwards.
A punch landed on his stomach with a brutal thud.
Mind you, Kojiro wasn’t skinny, or weak by all means. But a pretty powerful punch is a pretty powerful punch.
His body folded in half for a split second, air punching out of his lungs in a choked gasp, loud and ugly. Kojiro didn’t take long to recover, sending back a fist towards the skater’s face.
The punch landed square on the cheek, snapping his head to the side like a ragdoll. A spray of spit and surprise flew from their mouth; balance tipping as his knees buckled. He shot Kojiro a glare full of fury and flickering uncertainty.
He grinned at the green haired boy, “You're really gonna blow up over something this small?”
“Gosh, you must take everything so personally,” he added in a mocking tone.
Kojiro’s breath shortened at that, eyes still fixed on the boy with a narrowed stare as his hands firmly fisted. The air was cold around them as bodies of dim colours jackets surrounded the beef. Before he could offer a comment back, a familiar voice shook him out of the scene.
“The fuck, Kojiro?” the boy had made his way through the layer of skaters and shoved him on the shoulder when he’d finally got to Kojiro; tone acerbic and face twisting with perplexed bitterness.
Adam’s voice shot out after, empty and unamused. “What’s happening here?”
Kojiro doesn’t know what everyone’s saying or doing as they seem to get closer, because Kaoru was right there, seemingly furious enough to give him a shove on the shoulder. It wasn’t a particularly forceful push, but why had he done that?
He gave him his fair share of confusion.
In just a few moments, he let himself get dragged out the horde of people and out the skatepark. His board was under Kaoru’s hold. Adam was somewhere in the group, probably. Kojiro didn’t bother really thinking much about that.
After some time walking along the sidewalks, he noticed the other boy had seemed to cool down, only a faint furrow of brows left as proof of the previous temper he’d reached; his grasp around Kojiro’s wrist also seemed to loosen up.
“You know you have to stop taking these dumb punches for no reason, You’re not that much of a badass as you think you are.”
“Says the wanna be delinquent," Kojiro retorted.
“You pretty much do everything that I do, idiot.”
Kojiro could feel all tension and uneasiness accumulated throughout the night slowly seep out of his body, relieved of falling into these usual patterns of familiarity.
“That’s ‘cause you insist on dragging me everywhere! Mind you, with the amount of fights you pick on, you’d probably already be in the hospital if I weren’t with you all the time.”
Kaoru scowled at the younger man, “As if. You’re the one picking up a fight. And I can keep myself very unaffected–thank you–unlike someone who had to place an ice pack over their pathetic cheek from a slap a girl had struck.”
“Oh, so now I can't not want to avoid hurting other people's feelings? I didn’t like her that way so I rejected her. Who knew her best friend was right there ready to hit me in the face when did so!?”
“Me. I kinda saw it coming.” He shrugged, that stupid smug grin plastered across his face. “Yuki-chan’s just tough like that, unlike you; getting all whiny and drooly on my uniform ‘cause of that stupid slap.”
“I’m tough,” eyebrows knitting an exasperated expression of the insulted.
“..Right. With–”
“I look tough too; very tough.”
“-the way you’re walking right now you look exactly more like the hunchback.”
Kojiro scoffed at him, offended, “Because at least I fought back, you wimp.”
“Well at least I don’t have muscles for brains. What were you bastards even fussing about in the first place?” he spoke with an ending tone, before muttering at the right volume for the other person to still hear, “running with no clear reason into a fight.”
“Which I was perfectly fine handling, by the way.”
“Heaven forbid I keep your dumbass alive.”
“I’m sorry you were the one who was this close to dying from burning a cup noodle,” he emphasized with a pinching gesture in the air and a glare, "And there literally isn’t any fight in which I have ever lost; you forget that I’m jacked.”
“I’m pretty sure dying from a situation like that is unlikely to happen and, that was one time,” Kaoru retorted, completely ignoring his second point, and brought his hand up at Kojiro, sticking out his index and middle finger. “Two years ago!”
“One.”
“Does that even matter?” Kaoru glared back.
“It does. It proved that you were wrong! And why are you so mad? We get into arguments and fights with other people all the time.”
“You were getting into a fight because of putting your emotions front and center. Whenever we had fights with other skaters, it was always about something logical,” Kaoru maintained his glare.
That part was true. He and Kaoru had gotten into one just a week ago since a few obnoxious skaters hadn’t played fair and looked down on some beginners. Kaoru was always the first to stand up and make a move, with Kojiro following right after; there to back him up.
Kojiro would say this time wouldn’t be any different. Someone talked bad about Kaoru, so defending him was the only reasonable thing to do.
But he did get Kaoru’s point; it made sense now why he was mad. Kind of. He let his feelings take the lead and started a fight.
Wait.
Was Kaoru there from the start and saw the whole thing?
“How’d you know?” Kojiro didn’t pay much attention to his surroundings at that time, so it made sense if Kaoru had come and Kojiro hadn’t noticed.
The boy responded in utter astonishment, “What do you mean ‘how’d I know’? The asshole said it himself!”
Ah. He wasn’t there.
“So you don’t know what it was about?”
“I assume it’s about something stupid that got you all riled up and offended.”
Kojiro didn’t exactly know how to respond to that, so he decided to look away with a huff.
He didn’t remember so much of what happened next; just some few bits of walking Kaoru to his house’s street, seeing a stray cat on the way back, and flopping to his mattress.
It was a Friday now, and once Kojiro went out after the bell rang for lunch, just outside the classroom, Kaoru leaned against the chipped wall like he always did—one foot resting on the wall behind him, head tilted slightly down sideways like time didn’t mean much to him. Like waiting wasn't really waiting when it was for Kojiro.
It wasn’t the first time. It wasn’t anything new, but it never failed to bloom some small flower inside of him. Kojiro can’t quite capture the fond feeling, but something about him crossing Kaoru’s mind, or just the thought that Kaoru would just naturally go to him, find him, whenever they weren’t in the same space made him feel so warm.
Kojiro would also be there waiting outside of Kaoru’s class if he had finished earlier than him; and not even necessarily so, as going to where Kaoru was whenever they weren’t in the same class just felt like muscle memory; like it was the only thing he could do.
He took a last sip of his juice box before finding Kojiro’s gaze. They walked along the hallways for a few moments; no words said.
Kaoru was the first to speak up while looking out the pane windows. “Oh, right. I got the disc.”
Kojiro beamed, “Seriously? Let’s watch it today then.” They took a turn and were greeted by a few students hanging around the hallways, near lockers and windows.
“Mn, no. I have something to finish up by today.”
“Is it that robot thing again?” Kojiro perked his brow, disinterested. Apparently that was not a good question.
“It’s not a robot!” Kaoru shot at him, “It’s artificial intelligence, and no, I need to finish off a pape—”
“Hi, Nanjo-kun,” a cheerful voice spoke up, both familiar to the two’s ears. Kaoru raised both his eyebrows at that.
He responded, “Ah, Aoi-chan. What’s up?” Kojiro could say he was pretty close with her, so these out-of-the-blue interactions were normal; nevertheless, he could sense something else was up, and Kaoru could too.
The pink haired boy made a small move, hinting that he was going to go a bit further ahead of him.
“It’s nothing really, um, well- It is actually. I just wanted to ask something,” she looked up at Kojiro, waiting for some kind of reaction or response telling her that she could continue and found it.
“There’s this small festival happening in my friend’s prefecture.”
Kojiro was in these situations a bunch of times, so he just knew what to do. What Aoi was saying seemed to blur here and there; his mind not really comprehending her words or, really, anything that’s happening, and Kojiro doesn’t know what to do. So he stood there with a smile on his face.
He did pick up on a few words like “night,” “friends,” and “games.” Something like that.
Thoughts that weren’t usually there started floating around in his mind. Kaoru was behind her, walking a few short steps, still in hearing range.
He turned around, just enough to view the scene, eyes on the platinum blonde hair before moving to meet Kojiro’s velvet ones at a certain sentence said.
“Would you want to go with me?”
· · ─ · 🌸 · ─ · ·