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It was one of those days again, where your mother’s words get to you despite having an “okay” relationship. You lie down on the floor, eye-to-eye with your phone, it’s been ringing for the past hour. You know who’s calling but you just can’t bother yourself to answer it right now. All your things are scattered everywhere, you haven’t showered since this morning. It’s a good thing your professor cancelled classes today, you didn’t have to force yourself to act like you’re fine for the day.
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ
Your phone is still ringing, you reach out and look at the screen.
You sigh out, “Sorry.”
You close your phone and slide it somewhere far from you. You realize you haven’t eaten either. It doesn’t matter anyway, your mom thinks you’re doing fine and everything is perfect. Your grades are perfect, and your attendance as well. You don’t know why she bothers with it, since you’re in college already. But apparently she does, and during these kinds of days, you convince yourself she cares.
She liked that you were taking a program that was in-line with her job, she can boast about it to her co-workers. You laugh to yourself, mom boasting you to her co-workers. That’s a sight you’d like to see someday.
You still hear a faint buzzing, it’s your phone, but you don’t pay it much attention—
BANG BANG
“Yachi! Open the door!” You hear muffled shouts from your door.
BANG BANG
“It’s Kiyoko! Open the door!” You really aren’t in the mood to deal with her, but you know she’s not going to give up that easily. Your phone rings again while Kiyoko still bangs on your door.
You sigh and trudge out of your bedroom. The kitchen was decent enough for a person to actually cook and eat but the same thing couldn’t be said for your living room, so you kick some pillows, shoes that are missing a pair, one of your sling bags—and is that a pizza slice?— You’re getting distracted.
Right, the door. You turn the knob and swing the door open.
“Hey, sorry for not—“ Kiyoko cuts you off by hugging you so tight, you’re worried she might smell you.
Kiyoko lets out a shaky breath. “Oh, thank god you’re fine.” She lets you go and you let her inside, closing the door behind you.
She stands in front of you, arms crossed, with a tired expression on her face. “Why weren’t you answering my calls?”
You look at her timidly, fiddling with the hem of your shirt. “I was…busy.” You look to the side, feeling embarrassed.
Kiyoko looks around your place, then back to you. “Right. Busy. You expect me to believe that?”
You grunt, walking past Kiyoko and to your bedroom.
You plop down on one side of your bed, feeling exasperated.
Kiyoko leans by the doorway, her arms still crossed but her expression softening. “What happened this time…?” She asks you carefully.
You look down, then to your desk where your mom’s picture is. Kiyoko follows your gaze and walks to you.
“Her again?” Kiyoko asks you, barely hearing it.
You nod your head, hugging your knees to your chest. Kiyoko sits beside you, still maintaining some distance as she gauges your mood.
“It’s nothing, it’s just one of days where she gets to me. We don’t fight or anything, we’re actually on good terms. It’s just that sometimes her words are hard to forget, even though that was when I was still in high school. Pathetic, I know.” You mumble.
Kiyoko closes the space between you and hugs you. “It’s alright. I’m here.”
And for the first time today, you cry. You shift your position to hug Kiyoko back, your mouth quivering as your breathing becomes shallow. You cry into her shirt, hugging her back harder. She runs her hand through your hair, putting her lips to your forehead whispering it’ll be fine, calm down, I’m here. It doesn’t help that she does that to be honest because these are the days when you’re so convinced that your whole being isn’t enough. You aren’t enough, you lack determination, you lack will, you lack passion, even when you try so hard you know you’re still not enough. And it gets to you, you promised yourself, you promised Hinata when you were in high school and Kiyoko at her graduation that you’d start being certain about yourself, that you’d stop feeling inadequate. But here you are, crying a puddle onto Kiyoko’s shirt.
You calm down after for what seems like hours. You wipe your face onto your shirt and look to Kiyoko. She gives you a smile, “Better?”
“…Yes.” You sniffle.
“Yachi, when this happens, you don’t have to push everyone away. You don’t have to push me away. We’re always here. I’m always here. It’s okay to let things get to you, repressing it wouldn’t help. You’re not obliged to smile, every day, give yourself a break.” Kiyoko comforts you with a small smile on her face, holding your hand and circling her thumb on the top of yours.
“I’m sorry, I had you feeling worried for me.” You say, turning your head down as you bite your lip.
“You are not your mother’s words, Yachi.” Kiyoko tells you, cupping your face in her hands, “Remember that.” You look at Kiyoko, your body still trembling lightly. She is breathtaking, you understand why Tanaka and Noya-senpai were taken by her. Her eyes were dark as the night staring at you with certainty. You place your hands on her hips, and you swear she blushes a bit and gives you a faint grin.
“I always do, Kiyoko.” You whisper as you close your eyes, “I never forget what you say.”
Kiyoko mumbles good under her breath and raises your face to hers. She places your lips against yours, you grip loosens on her as you kiss Kiyoko back. She swipes her tongue on the bottom of your lip, seeking for entrance. You open your mouth to accept her as she runs a hand through your hair. You pull her body closer to yours sucking on her bottom lip. Kiyoko hands find your hips as she slowly creeps a hand under your shirt. You shiver and break the kiss, your breath coming in pants.
Kiyoko’s hand twitches as you do, “Sorry…I got carried away,” turning her head to the side as a blush spreads on her face.
“I-It’s fine, I was just surprised…” Yachi stammers, steadying her breathing.
Kiyoko looks back to you and snickers, “You smell like you haven’t showered this morning.” She shifts in your bed, crossing her legs together.
You turn red at her statement, “T-that’s because I haven’t…!” You stammer, attempting to stand and actually take a shower this time.
“I’m joking!” Kiyoko grabs an arm, “But that does explain a lot…” She chuckles. You grunt and trudge to your closet to get a change of clothes and head to the bathroom. Kiyoko laughs as you close the door behind you with a pout.
But you were grateful for Kiyoko. She drags you out in your hole when you need it most even though you don’t want to. She’s there when you can’t keep up your façade. She’s there when you feel like you’re alone. You love her for that, you love her even in days like these.
You haven’t realized that you’ve been standing against the door for a while when Kiyoko speaks, “I love you.”
You answer back. “I love you too,” Smiling to yourself.