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“I just- I think we’re at different points in our lives, Alex, I’m sorry,” Henry says quietly. “I love you so much, but I’m not moving to California in the middle of my second year of college. I worked too damn hard to even get accepted here on a scholarship. I can’t leave.”
“You don’t have to leave- I’ll go, we can be long distance,” Alex breathes. “I’ll come visit whenever I can, or you can come to me on breaks. We don’t have to break up. This is my dream, Henry, I can’t pass up this opportunity.”
“Neither of us can afford that and you know it, Alex. I love you, and I will support you every single step of the way- you know that.”
Alex steps forward, cupping Henry’s cheek. “Please, Henry. Can’t we just try? I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want to lose you either, love,” Henry whispers. “I don’t want us to end up hating each other because we can’t make this work.”
“I could never hate you. We can make this work.”
-
They make it one month.
In Alex’s first month in Los Angeles, he manages to call Henry five times. Between the time difference and Alex’s meetings with his producer, he barely has time to pick up his phone. Henry apologizes repeatedly as he breaks Alex’s heart over the phone, from almost three thousand miles away. He promises they can stay friends, even texts Alex every so often to check in on him.
The texts stop after two weeks.
Alex throws himself into his music. He gives excuses to anybody who wants to spend time with him, almost always keeps his phone on do not disturb, and only leaves his house to go to the studio. He works his ass off, and it’s worth it. His first single releases three months after Henry dumps him. His phone is blowing up with texts and congratulatory tweets. He ignores them all.
It’s after midnight when he finally crawls into bed. His phone starts buzzing on his nightstand, but the name lighting up the screen makes him freeze.
Henry
Alex can feel his heart beating in his ears. He lets the phone ring until missed call appears on the screen. He blinks back tears as his mind starts racing. Did Henry hear his song? Did Henry mean to call him? Was Henry upset that Alex didn’t answer? He imagines Henry in his NYU dorm, working up the courage to finally press call , only to be disappointed when Alex didn’t answer.
Or maybe it was just an accident. Maybe Henry is out with his friends, having fun, not even thinking about Alex. Maybe Alex is just imagining things.
Henry doesn’t call again.
-
Years pass. Alex thinks about Henry in everything that he does. He knows from mutual friends that Henry has graduated NYU, and has his first poetry book coming out soon. Alex wants to congratulate him.
He doesn’t.
The day Alex announces his worldwide tour, his phone lights up again while he’s messing around with his guitar.
Henry
Surely it’s an accident. It’s been three years since they’ve spoken, or even texted. Maybe Henry heard that Alex is going to be in New York soon for the tour. Maybe someone else has Henry’s phone number now.
Alex pulls out a notebook he hasn’t touched in months and starts writing. He’s in the studio within two days, and has his next single announced by the end of the week. It’s a long shot, really, scheduling the first performance of his new single at a late show in New York.
“He still lives here, y’know,” June says quietly in the cab ride to the studio. “Henry bought a brownstone near Pez’s shelter, helps him run it.”
“I don’t know why you’re telling me this,” Alex murmurs. “I’m just here for the performance, bug. Not to see him.”
June reaches over to rub Alex’s arm. “Alex, you don’t have to lie to me. I’ve heard the song. You’re still in love with him.”
“And none of that matters. He dumped me, and we haven’t talked in 3 years. He’s over me, and it’s fine.”
The lights are blinding on set. Alex plasters on a fake smile as usual, and answers the interview questions on auto pilot. When he’s asked about the song, his smile softens a little.
“This song is actually a few years in the making,” he murmurs. “I put it aside for a while and just finished it up a few weeks ago. It’s one that’s really close to my heart and I hope everybody enjoys it.”
When Alex steps up to the microphone, he thinks his mind is playing tricks on him. In the corner, near the top of the stairs, is a man that looks identical to Henry. Alex shakes it off as he brings the microphone to his lips.
See your name on the screen as it lights up, missed call’s what i read as my heart beat slowly starts to rise, and the tears rush to my eyes
Alex channels all the love he has for Henry and pushes it into his words. If by some chance that is Henry, or Henry is watching, Alex needs him to know.
Did you press my name, let the phone ring on? As your heart sunk low cause I didn’t respond?
Alex regrets never answering those calls.
Did you wanna hear my voice, or have I just lost my mind? Did you call me last night?
Alex still isn’t convinced the man in the corner is Henry, but he sings to him anyway. A man can dream.
Three years is a long time, but my heart’s still yours.
Alex lets the last three years flash through his mind. He thinks about all the missed time with Henry, his mind showing him flash backs of all the time they spent together. He doesn’t have to fake the tears falling down his cheeks.
Was it all just by mistake? And now I’m back to feeling fake for missing you.
Alex ignores June and Nora’s offer to take him out after the performance. It’s a silent cab ride back to the hotel room. He’s about to crawl into bed when his phone lights up on the nightstand.
Henry
Alex answers on the second ring. “Hello?”
Henry’s voice, as soft and as beautiful as ever, comes through the speaker in a whisper. “ Alex .”
Thirty minutes later, there’s a quiet knock on Alex’s hotel room door. He pulls it open within seconds. Standing in front of him is Henry- beautiful, perfect, loving Henry, with the same soft smile on his lips.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispers.
“I’ve missed you, too,” Alex replies.