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He promised him it wouldn't turn out like this.
Kazuma promised him that their friendship wouldn't suffer.
And foolish, naïve, Ryunosuke had believed him.
He didn't notice it at first. After all, it was such a slow decline, how could he?
Letters lost detail, length. Responses lost depth.
But only by a word or two at a time.
Until one day, Ryunosuke realized that his 5 page, double-sided letters were being met with a single page in response.
Kazuma no longer had time for him.
No. Maybe Kazuma was just busy. Working as Barok van Zieks’ apprentice didn’t seem like an easy job. Kazuma had attested as much. At least, he had in his earlier letters.
Ryunosuke tried to ignore the bitter feeling that rose in his chest.
He was busy too, but he always made time for Kazuma. Letters came in once a month. Was it really so hard to take a few hours every month to write to Ryunosuke?
Shaping the legal system was no easy task!! And still, Ryunosuke managed to write to Kazuma every month, in detail, about his life and new developments at the law office.
Still, Ryunosuke wished he could believe that it was just due to the workload.
But if that was true, then why were Kazuma’s letters so detailed in the beginning, when his and van Zieks’ work would have been the most difficult?
The workload wasn't the problem.
And with little hope remaining, Ryunosuke tried to convince himself that it was the distance.
But the distance hadn't caused Ryunosuke’s feelings to wane.
In fact, they were just as strong as ever, if not even stronger.
He missed his partner more and more every day, and the hole in his chest only grew more when he read Kazuma's short letters.
He loved hearing from Kazuma, he did. But when compared to one of his earlier letters, Ryunosuke could see clearly their decline.
Not just of the letters, but of their relationship.
Because he knew it wasn't the work nor the distance.
Ryunosuke decided it was time to accept the harsh truth that had been growing in the back of his mind ever since that fateful day.
Kazuma no longer valued him like he used to.
He had been denying it ever since he recieved the letter announcing the ‘new development’ in Kazuma and Barok's relationship. That they had started seeing each other romantically.
He wished he could say that his first reaction was joy for his friends. If he was a less selfish man, it would have been.
But as it stands, his first reaction was fear. A surge of insecurity.
Because Kazuma had someone he loved now. More than he could ever love Ryunosuke.
He promised him that they would be friends forever.
When they mended their relationship, Kazuma told him that he never wanted to leave his side.
But now, Kazuma had a new life. One without Ryunosuke. Worse, one where Ryunosuke was an afterthought.
Ryunosuke loved Kazuma with all his heart, but the man in question love him with less than a fraction of his.
He was no match for Barok van Zieks.
Why would Kazuma willingly spend his time, his thoughts on Ryunosuke, an ocean away, when his lover was right next to him?
Ryunosuke always feared that their relationship would struggle if Kazuma ever found someone to love.
Ryunosuke never understood what people considered ‘love’. No matter how hard he tried, he could never have a love as strong as they described. Kazuma was his best friend, and that was enough for him. He didn't need any more than that.
But he knew that Kazuma was capable of that stronger love.
And when he found it, Ryunosuke worried that he would leave him behind.
He tried to convince himself that it wouldn't happen, and Kazuma's promises gave him hope.
But what good was that hope, those promises, when his fears came true anyway?
Kazuma found a lover, his feelings for him a wildfire, his feelings for Ryunosuke barely a candle in comparison.
Ryunosuke had tried for too long to keep that flame alive. Maybe it was time to let it die out.
But that candle was all Ryunosuke had.
As much as it hurt to constantly fight to keep the flame alive, he didn’t want to live in darkness.
But if Kazuma decided to put the flame out on his own…
Ryunosuke would have no choice but to accept his fate.
And accept life alone in the dark.
A lone candle
flickers in the wind
it takes two to protect the flame
it takes constant watch
and effort
but if one lets go
the candle will not last
the encroaching darkness cannot be fought with hope alone
the darkness suffocates,
until all light is forgotten
and everything is lost