Chapter Text
It was a rainy day… And I was alone.
Surrounded by people, but alone.
I joined my hands together close to my chest, fiddling with my dirty fingers and humid palms as I used every ounce of energy I still had to not cry… It didn’t work.
My shaky whimpers were muffled by the sound of rain and distant laughter, kids playing together in the covered part of the playground and probably still making fun of me. I remember sitting down at a distant stone bench after I ran, sinking into myself every time I sniffed or choked a sobby breath, my eyes clouded by tears and making me unable to see the beautiful flowers, bushes and trees that surrounded the small playing area from my preschool. My feet covered by cheap shoes couldn’t reach the ground while I pressed my knees tight together, slumping down and holding the edges of my thick and oversized zip-up hoodie, trying to shield myself from the rain and from the world. My hood was pulled up, covering my head from the constant droplets and hiding away my hair… My hair.
A skinny human boy with long black hair… Of course the other kids would pick on me.
It wasn't a good day to begin with, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore after I tried to join the other boys in the playground and they all started laughing and calling me mean things. I had to run away to somewhere pretty, somewhere safe and lonely, where no one could see me cry. Good boys don’t cry… Men don’t cry… But I cried, and I cried and cried.
Recess time was about to end and Mrs.Clawford would probably yell at me for sitting in the rain while all the other kids were playing together in the covered area, but I was too sad to think about that. All I could think was how I wanted to be included, how I wanted to laugh and play with the other kids, and how hurt I felt when they picked on me… How awful it felt to get rejected.
This stupid hair, why did I decide to let it grow?! I should’ve never let it grow! Having long hair is for girls! Of course they wouldn't let me play with them, no boy would want to play with a girl! I’m not a girl, I’m a boy! Just let me play, please, I can be fun too, just-
“Dude, aren’t you cold?”
Startled, I look to my side, having to slightly pull up the edge of my hoodie to look at the boy talking to me. Another human, prolly around my age, with a red tank top, yellow short shorts and black shoes. Unlike me, he’s not getting soaked by the rain, thanks to the umbrella he’s holding in one hand, the other holding a small notebook that looks gigantic in his tiny hands as he presses it to his chest, fists clenched tight around a couple of coloring pencils. His white skin is completely devoid of any hair, and he’s bald… Like, completely bald. His head is like a shiny orb.
“Hellooooo? Didn’t you hear me? I asked if you’re cold!” He says it louder, stepping closer. When my answer doesn’t come, he tilts his head to the side and asks with childish curiosity. “Are you deaf…? Or like, mute?”
“N-No.” I sniff, pulling my hand up to rub my long and soggy sleeves on my nostrils and eyes.
“Oh… Why you crying?” Only now he seems to notice that.
“... The other kids don’t wanna let me play.” Hold your whimpers, you can’t look like a crying little girl in front of another boy.
“They’re all jerks, don’t listen to them.” The rain stops falling atop my head when he sits beside me, holding up the umbrella for both of us. “They keep calling me mean names. They think they’re smart but they're just a bunch of dumb meanies.”
“... They call you mean names?”
“Oh, all the time!” He rests the notebook and pencils on his lap and starts to list the names with his fingers. “Baldie, ball head, mowed lawn, mannequin boy, chemo patient-”
The last one stole a chuckle from me, but I quickly zip it. “S-Sorry.”
He smiles. “Some of them are pretty funny!” He scooches closer, not seeming to mind. “One time one of my friends pretended to use my head as a crystal ball, saying that it could let him see the future.” He moves his hand atop his lap like he’s pondering his magical, invisible orb of knowledge.
I didn’t feel that guilty about laughing at that part since he was smiling along with me. “Wait… You’re friends with them?”
“Some of them are pretty nice once you get to know them, they’re just being jerks.” He rolls his eyes while grunting. “My dad says that they just have trouble at home probably that’s why they treat people badly. And you? You have troubles at home?”
What a question. “I don’t think so…” I slightly shake my head and scratch my cheek. “I love mom and dad, we go to the beach every weekend to meet with grandpa.”
“That 's awesome! I love the beach! Do you know how to surf? Fish? You like to swim? Oh I don’t even know if you can swim. Can you swim?” He beams me a beautiful smile that grows wider with every rapid fired question, but then he suddenly seems to realize something, slapping the top of his forehead with his free hand, echoing a loud ‘smack’. “Ah gosh darn it I forgot to ask your name first!” He turns to me again. “What’s your name, dude?”
I chuckle at him. I hadn't noticed, but my body was slowly rising up until I was practically sitting normally once he asked me for my name, not leaning forward and sulking down. “My name is Iso… N-Nice to meet you.” My turn to put some manners my mom taught me into practice, reaching my hand forward to shake his.
“Nice to meet you too!” He shakes my hand in an exaggerated motion, moving my whole body up and down. “My name’s Extro V. Erted! I've been here since kindergarten! You’re like, a new student here, right?”
“Y-Yeah, I’m new.”
“Nice! It’s pretty cool, I can show you around and then we can draw and paint on my notebook and then-”
“EXTRO!” His onslaught of suggestions is interrupted when a distant group of other children wave their hands at us. Three saurian kids call out for his name, shielded from the rain in the covered area, all of them holding sheets of paper and coloring pencils. They were probably drawing something together before.
“OK! Just a sec!” Extro jumps off the bench, but still holds out the umbrella to protect me. He turns and looks up. “You coming too?”
“I… Can I come?” A wavery smile tugs on my cheek as I slide down the bench, feeling the wet grass and mud below my shoes.
“Sure! Come on! We’re drawing swords!” He darts off.
We start to run alongside each other. Extro makes sure to jump and stomp at every puddle he comes across, and I follow his lead, doing the same. Water and mud splashes around, dirtying our clothes from top to bottom, but we were kids, we didn’t care. However, when I started to let myself go a little, the wind pushed my hood off my head, revealing my long black hair. I didn’t notice at first, but when I feel his friends and Extro’s gaze land on me, I instinctively pull my hood back up.
That was it…
I was just about to make some friends, and now they’re all gonna make fun of me. Reject me like everyone else.
Maybe I should run before-
“Dude! You got, like, really long hair!” Extro points at my head, his smile never fading.
“I-It’s not that long, it’s just-”
“It 's awesome! Looks great! How do you even take care of all that? Doesn’t it get in your face all the time? Can you like, see? When you take a shower doesn’t it stick to your face?” Instead of the reaction I anticipated, he just shoots me another onslaught of questions.
I was confused at first, but happy to answer them while shooting some of my own back at him, since I haven’t met many bald people before, let alone a kid, and one that was so talkative.
His friends were nice too. We spent the rest of the recess drawing, and some of them were even from the same class as me, though Extro wasn’t. We decided to meet after school and discovered that we lived pretty close to one another, in the same neighborhood… and the rest is history.
I got along pretty well with some of the other kids after that, but none of them were really my friends, they were class colleagues : we laughed, messed around and got into trouble together, but that was it, when school was over we all went our separate ways. Not Extro… No, he was special. My first true friend… my best friend. Mom used to tell me we were like peanut butter and jelly, peas in a pot, siamese brothers, inseparable. We were very different from one another, but I guess that just made us get along better, just line in the movies. Two sides of a coin.
He saved me.
I don’t think I ever felt that happy before… And I don’t think I’ll ever feel happy like that again.
He’s not around anymore, so… It's just me again.
And I don’t think anyone can be lucky enough to be saved twice.
But it’s okay. I’m still holding up okay, I think… Right?
I laugh all the time, just like I’m doing right now. Lying in bed like an upside down roach, wearing my sweet loose PJ’s, with my laptop over my lap, a cable connecting it to the TV in my room, making the SnootTube videos show up on the big screen instead of the small screen. It’s amazing what technology can do these days.
There’s not much to watch as of late. The year just started, so all the good content creators are either still out of commission or they’re doing those retrospective videos, compilations of the past year. Those are still funny to watch, though.
So, to summarize, last year we had : Fukushima got blown over by a tsunami, Bin-Laden got iced, Europe’s economy is in shambles, some shit going on over the middle-east, Anonymous are a thing now, Steve Jobs died… But nobody cares about that, I’m here for the funny stuff, the memes! That’s the new thing everyone keeps referencing all the time!
“THIS IS SPARTA!!”
“Hehe…” Overused, but funny.
“LEEROOOOOOY JENKIIIIIINS!!!!!”
“Heh… Heheh…” Man, that game looks fun, maybe I should check it out sometime.
“Look at my horse! My horse is amazing!”
That one only stole a small chuckle out of me.
“What the fu-BOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!”
“HAHahahaha…” Ok, that one was good. This last one is…
GOD FRIGGIN- Urrrgh… They can’t just do that on a meme compilation, man! Of course everyone’s gonna fall for that!
The music is good but I’ve fallen for it so many times that it’s just annoying now. Anyway, I think that’s enough for tonight… I’m starting to see the same repeated stuff over the feed. Wait, what time is it? I peek at the corner of the screen.
February 13th, 201M2012, 4:06AM.
… Yeah, it’s late.
I close my laptop and see my reflection on the black TV screen staring back at me. My long black hair is a mess, my lanky body gets skinnier by the day, and I’ve never had eyebags this big before… I was laughing ten seconds ago, even with that Rick Astley disaster… So why is there no smile on my face? Why do I look so sad?
Mom would kill me if she saw me awake at this time of night… but that’s not a problem anymore since I've been living alone for over three months. The room changes, the house changes, the city changes, even the state changes… but the insomnia is still here. They wanted me to take pills for it, but God forbid I give them something else to spend money on… they already spend way too much on me.
Whatever, classes start tomorrow. It's my first day at school all over again… But now, in college. I need to get some shuteye at least.
Getting up from my bed, I have a good look around my room. I got the smallest one of the three in the apartment since I didn’t bring much stuff with me : basically just my TV, DVD collection, notebooks, clothes, CDs and my jukebox. I know there are way better ways to get music online nowadays, but my internet isn’t very good and I just like the good old music player. The whole place was already furnished too, although with no decoration, but I covered that really quickly with all the knicknacks, keepsakes and thingamajigs I’ve collected over the years.
The room in question has my bed in the corner, the TV hanging on the wall right in front of the foot of it and a small wooden nightstand right at its side. There’s a window near it, and on the opposite wall, close to the door, it’s my wardrobe. There are a few shelves here and there, all of them filled with stuff I’ve collected, my books and my notebooks. There are some old toys, a glass bottle with a letter inside that He gifted me, a small handmade sculpture made from scrap metal, tons of old pictures of me and my family, etc. Hanging from the scrap metal sculpture, are a bunch of old necklaces made from all sorts of stuff, all weathered from years of use.
I wore all of them at some point, but nowadays I only use one. After that, most of it is… trash? Nah, not trash, I like to have them… Mom hates seeing my room so cluttered, but they’re memories, I couldn’t get rid of them. Old photos, plastic bottles, a birthday card, a colored candle, the list goes on.
I head outside to drink some water and go to the bathroom.
The living room is way larger than it had to be for someone like me… It has a couch, a gigantic orange oval rug covering most of the wooden floorboard, a glass coffee table, a stand for a TV that doesn’t exist, and a passage to the balcony, closed by khaki cotton curtains and a glass sliding doorway. I can see the kitchen from here too, thanks to the set-up where the wall separating both spaces was half taken out and turned into a counter. It isn’t that big, but the open space gives it that impression… Still, too big for me.
I managed to keep this place pretty clean so far… Mom and dad came by for one last visit before classes a few days ago and I didn’t want to get them worried, so I did a sweep of the place beforehand… of course, I didn’t let them get into my room.
Even in pitch black darkness, I’m able to guide myself to the kitchen just fine, filling up a glass of water to cool off my insides while staring outside the window, the chill, howling breeze being my only company.
Heading to the bathroom next, I take a piss and wash my hands, letting out a tired sigh as I turn the knob on the sink. Why am I tired…? I did nothing the whole day. Actually, I slept most of it… What is wrong with me?
Leaning forward on the counter, my arms bent and hands holding on the edges to support my body, I look up at the mirror.
There’s a young man in his twenties staring back at me, an exaggeratedly oversized gray shirt covering most of his arms, his whole torso, waist and even some of his legs. His tan-ish white skin lacks any scars or birthmarks and his face is partially covered by his long pitch black hair that drools over his shoulders and disappears over his back. The hair is messy, the eyes are tired, and he looks like he’s about to pass out at any second… but there is no sleep in him, only more insomnia.
It 's me… that’s my reflection looking back at me, of course it is… So why does it feel like I’m staring into somebody else’s eyes?
I shake my head and walk back to my room, scratching the side of my neck while I think of something else to do that might help me doze off. SnootTube is out of the question, so… Wuxia movies? Nah, it’ll spiral out of control too fast. Draw something? Maybe, maybe… Read? Nah, not feeling it. Oh, I know what to do.
Sliding back into my bed sheets, I open my laptop and rest it over my legs. It’s not THAT late yet, so there might still be some people online on one of the roleplay forums I’m part of.
Let’s see… Call of Dunuhllu, no one online. Treasures & Tarrasques? Only the sweaty min-maxers are on at this hour. Vampire the Mass Charade? Everyone is asleep… heh, ironic. Ah, here, Snoot Wars. Not my favorite, but I do love me some sci-fi.
The GM isn’t on, but there are some people free-RPing on one of the open pages. Here, I play as a bio-engineered creature that was handmade by the evil Sith to be the perfect user of the Might and finally end the good order of the Jedi, but something went wrong and the experiment malfunctioned, leading to my character’s escape and future joining on the good guy’s side. He’s shy and curious, kinda like a child, and has a good heart, but has to contain his dark urges and hold back his powerful control over the Might.
It’s so unique and original, no one has roleplayed a character like that before!
Yeah, if I want to sleep, this’ll do.
Nope, that didn’t do.
I blinked and it’s 6 AM. Dang it… not even an ounce of sleepiness? Well… Not the worst, I pulled some all-nighters before. Plus, now there’s no way of me getting late for class.
I go to my wardrobe and grab a new batch of clothes, wearing a black t-shirt, long baggy jeans, my all-star shoes and my most prized piece of clothing : my white onesie. It’s at least three sizes larger than mine, but I like it that way. The sleeves get all loose, it goes past my waist and it’s comfy. I made sure to get one that’s made for dinos, too; since some of them have long necks or crests, the hood is extra large and a bit heavy, covering my head just at the right spot. Perfect.
Looking in the mirror by the bathroom, I brush my teeth, put on some deodorant to not go out smelling like mold and sadness, and spend the next fifteen minutes or so brushing my hair to disentangle it, then shove it down inside my onesie to hide it away. I don’t bother getting a shower, it’s not like I intend to even get near someone… nobody has to know I exist.
Back to my room, I pick up my backpack filled with all the necessary materials for a normal day in school, and before I head outside, I pick up my favorite necklace, a simple and modest golden rosary chain, tying it around my neck and hiding it beneath my shirt. Exiting my place, I make sure to lock the door on the way out.
…
It’s a pretty suburban neighborhood, lots of condos and apartment complexes around taking up the space of most blocks my eyes are able to see, including the one I live in. All of them full of greenery in the form of trees, vines and bushy plants that spread everywhere they can. It must be hell to be the landscape worker around here, but the end result is worth it.
That was always my favorite part about coming to Volcaldera Bluffs; a city composed almost entirely of dinos, so much so that there aren't even enough humans to make a coherent statistic for comparison. Thanks to that, most places are made with saurians in mind : taller entryways, heaters everywhere, a bunch of water fountains, and, my favorite part, plants. Lots and lots of plants. Even through the thick coastal air and morning mist, the smell of wet grass and distant flowers is ever present, covering me in a peaceful aura.
We lived here for a while when I was but a smol fella, then we moved to Rexas at about the age where you start to realize you exist. Me and my parents usually visited from time to time to see grandpa at his beach house, and Extro went with us too, whenever he had the chance… He was practically part of the family at that point. Figured I’d be used to it by now, but it always feels strange to be back here again… especially now that I’m on my own.
The elevator door opens and I head inside, thankfully meeting no one. A few brief moments later and I’m welcomed by the building’s lobby, one of many in this apartment complex. This place is pretty amazing : large open areas, small squares, very “in tune with nature” with the whole trees and vines and bushes growing everywhere but the parking lots. There’s plenty of space for the sun to bathe them, and from what I gathered, it’s mostly the residents who take care of this “garden” between the parking spaces, watering the trees, growing flowers in plastic and ceramic pots, sniping the weeds and whatnot.
However, once I start to make my way to the gates, I notice that I’m not alone.
I feel an unsettling presence coming from within the coastal fog, a ghostly aura around the gardens. I hear shuffling between the bushes, vines swaying even though there's no wind around. Then, something moving… someone, actually.
A hunched figure slowly and painfully emerges from between the vines, surrounded by the morning fog. A woman, her long grizzled hair dragging on the ground as she floats towards me, hiding her face behind that ghostly visage… Her muddy dress flows with the inexistent wind, and an eerie moan of departed spirits echo louder as she draws near, closer and closer by the second…
Then, she reaches a hand to me… her nails long and sharp as knives, scales wrinkled and soggy with wet mud… she threatens to touch me…
…
I sigh. “...How are you today, Ms. Goodwitch?”
The figure stops…
“Oh, gosh darn it!” She deflates in disappointment, frustration clear in her raspy voice as her arms dangle on her sides. “I thought I had you this time, Lil’ Snail.” She starts to tie her hair back up.
“Sorry to disappoint you, but… ghosts don’t really work on me.” I shrug, finding it very amusing, but no smile comes across my face.
“One day I’ll have you, just you wait!” Slowly, she finishes tying her hair back. “And what are you doing outside your shell so early in the morning, young boy?” The hoarse, acute and extremely sweet voice of the very old lady makes the previous scary mood all but vanish.
She waddles over and closes the rest of the distance between us with the help of a small wooden cane that I didn’t notice she was hiding before, her simple heavy dress and pink warmer mantle over her shoulders waving as she moved. She’s a therizinosaurus, so she has a sharp beak, a small feathered tail, and her nails are gigantic to the point that they’re double the length of her wrinkly fingers, but I’ve seen how sharp and efficient they are. Her beak bares a contagious smile, tugging at the corners of her wrinkled green scales, and the massive pair of round glasses make her squinted eyes way larger than they’re supposed to be. Her gray hair is disheveled and messy on her loose fringe, but it’s now neatly tied up in a puffy round bun on the back of her head.
“Good Morning, Ms. Goodwitch.” I nod, trying to give her a welcoming smile, but it doesn’t work all that well. “I’m heading to the bus stop, need to get to college… What are you doing here so early? Don’t the children only wake up after sunrise?”
“That 's right! So that’s the only time I have to be a regular old lady instead of a scary hag!” She has a sweet giggle, but it almost sounds like she’s coughing. I’m guessing it’s an old people’s thing.
“Didn’t stop you from trying to scare the life out of me again, though.”
“And it never will, my Lil’ Snail!” She always sounds so enthusiastic, even in defeat.
I put my hands back inside my onesie’s pocket, tilting my head to the side. “... I still don’t get how they’re afraid of you, you’re so sweet and adorable.”
“The secret, young lad, is presentation! Commitment!” She raises her index, speaking with gravitas and excitement. She really takes her ‘job’ seriously. “Speaking of which, have you seen Lucifer around?”
“No, I have not… Neither him, nor Satan, and neither Beelzebub.” These are her three cats. Yes, I know. She also has a parrot named Spirit. “I’m sure they’ll show up eventually.”
“They always do.” She waves her hand and makes mention to go back to water the plants, but stops midway. “Oh! I almost forgot.” She turns back to me. “Today is your first day at the university, right?”
“Mhmm. I’ve seen it before, just never really got inside… Why?”
“I just wanted to wish you a merry day!” her closed smile turns wider, but her raspy voice becomes more sincere. “I know how big changes can be frightening, boy, believe me. But there’s no need to worry! As long as you remember the ones who love and care for you, no pain will ever quench your heart.” She pokes my chest with the tip of her claw, where my heart would be.
“I’m…” For a moment, a warm feeling takes hold of me, and I’m only able to speak again when it vanishes. “Thank you, Koko.” A less forced smile creeps its way on my cheek.
“You’re welcome. Remember, young man! You won’t go far if you keep hiding away in your lil’ shell, but if you stretch yourself out and slide your way up and up the walls, you’ll get to the tippy top and eat the most delicious leaves!” She says it like she’s actually not that good in the head, like some sort of old prophet. Then, she breaks character and leans closer with her slightly longer neck, whispering like she's telling me a secret. “That’s a metaphor, if you couldn’t catch it.”
“A meta what?”
“Oh, you!”
We both giggle as I wave her my goodbye, heading outside the apartment complex through the concrete pathway between the parking lots and verdant squares.
Her real name is Koko, but I like to call her Ms.Goodwitch. She is a bit crazy and scary, but the fun kind of crazy and scary. Her favorite hobby is scaring the children that live here and around the neighborhood… that and taking care of the garden and her pets. Her shenanigans and antics are harmless, but there are people, even adults, that believe she’s an actual witch… And, of course, that only eggs her on even more.
I’m sure some kid’ll have a heart attack someday, she’s really good at her job. I can’t even imagine how Halloween is gonna be around here.
The walk to campus is a very short one. All I need to do is take one bus and, about fifteen minutes later, jump out literally in front of it… Dad thought about even that, huh? Close to college, close to work, close to the beach… How much I must weigh in their pockets…
And there it is, right in front of me, the place where I’ll spend most of my time for the next four years… VCU, Volcaldera Coast University.
Excluding the excessively large parking lots that take most of the campus front, the place actually looks beautiful. They preserved most of the original structures that were built centuries ago, its old and classical architecture resembling those found in the renaissance, meshing really well with the more modern look of the other, newer buildings. It's almost like a representation of the old giving birth to the new, walls made of exposed bricks built generations prior connecting to modern, contemporary architecture, the newer and taller buildings surrounding and protecting its older relatives from the countless palm trees, vines and plants that take most of the empty space around campus. All walkways connecting the separate blocks of conjoined structures are shaded by the lush treetops, creating a natural shield from the sun and the rain… neither of which are present here right now. I can see that a lot of effort is put in keeping this place presentable, it looks like it could be part of a book about magical students or something.
Well, maybe magical isn't the right word, but ‘artistic’ and ‘unique’ certainly are. The sight of it fills me with wonder, and I can't wait to see how it looks on the inside.
My excitement, however, quickly vanishes when I notice that I’m not the only one coming out of the bus and heading towards the main building. Some other dinos walk past me, not even stopping to look twice in my direction. Oh thank God, it’s working. Relieved, I forge ahead.
There’s actually a bunch of people around, considering how early in the morning it is… Well, maybe it’s early only for me. It’s alright, I had this all planned out before! Just keep your head down, lay low, don’t look at anybody and don’t interact with anybody. This way no one will notice me, I won’t bother anyone and I won’t get in anybody’s way. Just don’t be a burden, Iso.
Making my way (down town) to the main entrance, I pull more of my hood over my head to cover even more of my face and glance around to take in the view, and also to know where the hell I’m going. I can’t help but notice, even through the fog, how colorful the small crowd of comers and goers look. I spent almost my whole life in a pretty mixed state, but here, there is no human in sight : bright colored scales, detailed with intricate designs that go from simple stripes, to spotted smudges, to full on natural works of art are everywhere. There are long necks, short necks, feathered wings, leather wings, no wings, massive tails, stubby tails, tall guys, tiny guys, long horns, multi horns, all shapes and sizes. Oh yeah, no one's gonna bat an eye at me, look at this diversity! No way I’m ever gonna get noticed here.
That's… a good thing. Yeah…
Anyway, I was told that there would be some sort of welcoming committee? A guide of sorts, someone named Trent Whatshisname, but they just told me he’d be near the main building… and that’s a lot of people walking through that front door… I’ll just walk around a bit, it’s early anyway, my first class only starts in about forty minutes or so, the guy’s prolly not even here yet, leaving me plenty of time to find a less crowded way of getting inside.
Approaching the main entryway, I turn right and walk around the building through a concrete path that leads to God knows where, all I know is it’s away from the crowd. The structure in the center is the original main hall of the university, only having two floors, but the windows look gigantic and intricate with metal dressings, rails and even stained glass, a feature from the past, while the ones connected to it are more what you’d expect from a normal university : tall, angular concrete walls, several rows of windows, small colored details, support and protection for wires and pipes and air conditioning systems. To the side, there’s an entrance that leads to a broad and busy hallway that cuts through a thousand doors leading to classrooms, lecture rooms, labs, offices and libraries.
There are already people going inside their classrooms or talking outside them, most looking like young adults, some even younger than me, but there is more variety in age than I expected. I see older folks that I’d easily confuse with a professor or teacher mingling with the younger generation like the age gap means nothing at all.
Taking a deep breath, I walk inside and make my way through the hallway, my hands deep in my onesie’s pockets and head down so my hood can cover any traces of my face, my fringe doing the rest.
“My gosh, you heard about that scandal?”
“Girl, I love your shoes!”
“Bro, seriously, you gotta dump that bitch.”
“Humans? No way, they’re not smart enough to enroll here.”
“How y'all doing? Ready for the end of the world?! Hahah!”
“So what? It’s a free country! I’m gonna bang one just to see what the big fuss is all about.”
“Nah I’m telling you, this is the good stuff!”
“No, it’s fine, just… I just didn’t think it would be Chinese.”
Chatter fills the space, disconnected conversations from various groups of friends and classmates acting as a good buzz to wash away the silence. No one looked at me twice, that’s good.
Now, if I were a committee guide, where would I be-
Suddenly, the speakers spread around the corners of the ceiling blare out a message that startles not only me, but also some of the other people around. God that audio is terrible, I can only make out some of the words that the woman is speaking… They sound like names. And, lo and behold…
“-ACKER, ISO L. ATED, AND UNF-”
I can't even hear the rest of it, I just freeze mid step like a deer in headlights. Something something Auditory 4, 2° floor.
Dear lord almighty what I got myself into?!
Ok, ok, calm down, CALM THE FUCK DOWN ISO, there's no need to panic!!!
They’re prolly just calling people to meet the guide! Yeah, prolly just some other new students that need to be shown how the place works! You didn't do anything wrong, dingus, you literally just walked in!
Ok, now… Auditory 4…
…
Climbing a flight of stairs, snaking through the labyrinthian hallways and watching the numbers and names above the doors lead me to where the blaring speakers kept demanding me to go.
They repeated that same announcement a couple of times while I made my way here, and every time they did I could feel my hearing getting worse and worse.
As the name implies, the room in question is an auditorium : rows and rows of chairs made of shiny wood are set one row taller than the previous one, allowing everyone to look at the enormous white board hanging on the wall. There seems to be cabinets and slide doors on the wood frame where the board is hung, probably where they store the projector and extra pens and supplies. This may be a lecture room as well.
When I walked in, only two people were there : a human woman, sitting on the frontmost chair, right in front of a dino woman, leaning back to half sit over her desk. Both look at me when I open the door, which prompts me to avert my gaze almost immediately
“H-Hi.” With my head down, I wave at both, not wanting to be impolite. “I uhh… The speaker…” I point with my finger behind me.
“Of course.” The dino woman speaks, her more mature voice coming with an air of authority. “Have a seat. And please, take one nearby, my hearing isn’t what it used to be.” Her attempt at humor is enough to wash away any anxieties I might have about sitting near the front.
“Sure. E-Excuse-me.” I make my way to a random chair, one row behind the human woman… huh, another human?
“So, how do you feel about our campus so far?” The dino speaks up again, directed at me I’m guessing. “Is it what you were expecting?”
“O-Oh, yeah, it…” Shit, I can’t just talk to someone and avoid looking at them, that’s weird and rude. She sounds friendly too, I don't wanna offend her, so I look up. “I’ve passed by here a couple of times before, but… it's my first time actually getting inside.”
“Oh, wonderful!” Raptor Jesus that woman is gigantic. A t-rex, with a beautiful tired smile and welcoming blue eyes. Her dark cyan scales are covered by scar-shaped stripes of a darker hue of the same color, and also actual scars, ranging from previously deep cuts to just some bits of scales missing. Her long white hair is unkempt, but in a weirdly charming manner, not looking disheveled but also not tidy either. She uses a sleeveless beige sweater, letting her short, yet muscular arms show, and black pants that look a bit too tight on her broad legs. She has what looks to be a wedding ring on her left hand, made of wood with a beautiful green gemstone carved on top. “So you live here in Volcaldera?” Her voice fits her aura more than her looks, soothing and mature.
“I ‘spose, yeah… I lived in Rexas for most of my life, but I was born here.”
“Hmm.” She nods. “Do you know any other students, son?”
“No, sorry…”
“No need to apologize.” Right before she speaks again, the door opens, our gazes turned to its direction. Another human woman walks in… “Welcome! Have a seat, one close to the front please, if you don’t mind.”
She doesn’t answer, simply walking in and taking a seat two chairs to my right.
“So, how do you feel about our campus so far?” The saurian breaks the silence after a while, repeating her question at the new arrival.
She takes a bit to respond. “‘s fine.” Her voice sounds more like a whisper.
“... Are you from anywhere around town?”
“No.”
… Not much of a talker, I gather. Silence lingers around the room for an uncomfortable amount of time, until the dino breaks it.
She looks at her wrist watch, nods to herself and speaks up. “Alright. Since we’re getting out of time, let me tell you why you’re all here.” Joining her hands, the woman calls my attention to her with her voice. “My name is-”
The door opens once again, interrupting her, and this time it comes with a voice.
“Hey, y’all, sorry! I know I’m late, sorry… got lost around the place.” Another human… a man, this time.
“Ah, there you are… I almost thought we’d have one missing today.” The dino turns to him with a reprehensible glare, clearly not happy about his timing.
“Never miss first day! Hehe… S-Sorry, ma’am.”
“Apology accepted. Please, have a seat.” She gestures towards the chairs once more.
“‘Aight, on it!” He stumbles between the chairs and sits right in front of me, clearly taking some time to look at everyone else, getting more excited by the moment, but keeping his mouth shut.
The dino clears her throat. “... As I was saying-” And continues from where she stopped. “My name is Mrs. Spears, I’m the head of public relations at the University, and the one responsible for the admission program that got you all here.”
Oh… OH, yeah, now it makes sense why everyone here, except for Mrs. Spears, is human… but not why there are only four of us. The only reason I got a scholarship here was because of an equality program that the university applied on their previous application and aptitude test. Humans, up to a certain amount, got priority on scholarships over everyone else, as a way to incentivize them to participate and have a greater chance to enroll.
I’ve seen some things like this happen for people with special needs or with low income, but never exclusively to one species…
“I’m here to welcome the four of you in our University, the first humans to step foot inside it as students since almost a decade.” Wow, almost a decade without any human students?! “Only the four of you were able to reach the required score to receive the scholarship…” She doesn't sound very pleased with that low number. “I’ll be handing you these to help you guide yourselves around the place.” She taps her claws on four stacks of papers on her desk; pamphlets, maps, schedules and such, I believe. “But before that, since it must be hard to be part of a campus where there are only four members of your own species-” It’s… really not, actually. “-I would like you to know each other beforehand. To know that someone of your own kind is going through the same as you.”
That 's… kinda racist? I think? I mean, the intentions sound good at least, but still… ehhh, I’m a bit thrown off. Well, ‘s prolly because I’m being forced into meeting new people… Dang it.
“So, when I call you, you will stand up, introduce yourself, state your age and what major you’re in. No need to be shy, at worst you’re allowing me to know you better.” She says it with a warm smile, looking around at the four of us.
Dang it, dammit, cripe, shit! This is gonna suuuuuuuck… Ok, relax Iso, it’s fine, nobody's gonna remember you anyway, these people have better things to do than to remember some guy’s name.
“Alright. I’d like Unfort U. Nate to stand up, please.”
“That 's me!”
The man in front of me gets up from his chair… I don't want to seem disinterested, so I look up.
Jeez, he’s tall… and ripped. “Sup, y'all!” The man excitedly jumps to his feet. He’s using a white tank top and a ragged, at the end of its life, gray sweatpants. His brownish skin is covered head to toe in a variety of scars, from all shapes and sizes, coming from all sorts of angles. His short and messy platinum colored hair is badly shaved on the sides and back, the fringe swept to the side so it doesn't poke his light brown eyes. “Everyone just calls me Nate.” Despite his figurative and literal criminal look, he has a beaming, contagious and award-winning toothy grin, a face that screams joy and happiness that rivals only one other person I’ve met before. He has one tooth missing, right in line with the scar on his upper lip, but that somehow does little to nothing to hurt his smile. “I’m twenty years old-” TWENTY?! He’s younger than me?! “-and I’m in Education, major in P.E! Got some minors in artsy stuff too.”
“A future teacher? God knows this world needs more of them.” Mrs. Spears comments, nodding slightly… he doesn't strike me as the “teacher” type, but neither do I, and I’m in Education too. “I hope you have a great time with us here.”
“Word. I’ll do my best, ma’am, for sure!” He flashes her a thumbs up, then looks around to me and the other two women. “Nice to meet y’all too!” He then plops back down on his seat.
“Thank you, Nate.” Somehow, the t-rex looks surprisingly pleased by his presentation. “Next, Clo C. Kmaker, could you stand up, please?”
The lady who was already here when I got in stands up. I can hear her muttering something under her breath. “...-et this over with-...” She’s definitely younger than me, looks straight out of high school too. Her perfectly smooth brown hair barely touches her shoulder, cut neatly into a long and symmetrical bob cut, covering her ears and part of her rectangular glasses. Her pale white skin is covered in freckles around her nose and cheek and she’s wearing a yellow shirt covered by a green cardigan, almost looking like a sweater, and a long blue skirt with a chess pattern. “Clo C. Kmaker, eighteen-” EIGHTEEN?! “-Electrical Engineering, majoring in legislation.” When she talks, I notice a thin layer of an accent, sounding kinda German, but the presence of her braces makes it difficult to pin down, giving her blunt and objective voice a small lisp. Immediately after talking, straight to the point, she already sits down, no more words to say… I think she really doesn't wanna be here.
“Thank you very much, Ms. Kmaker.” Mrs. Spears nods respectfully, then looks straight at me. “Iso L. Ated, would you mind standing up, please?”
Oh, shit, right, I gotta do that too… ok, calm down, it’s just an introduction. Just make it uninteresting and everyone will forget you.
I stand up in front of my seat, knees weak, arms heavy, looking at Mrs. Spears with a shy and forced smile. “Hi, I’m… Iso. I’m twenty two, enrolled in Education-”
Nate speaks up, interrupting me. “Oh shit man, me too!” I… know that… you just said it. He turns to look over his shoulder at me, a huge grin on his face. “What you majoring on?” I was… getting there.
“I uhh… haven’t picked a major yet.” I shrug, trying to hide my embarrassment. “Haven’t decided, I mean.”
“That’s fine, man, there's a lot of time still! A lot of great options too, I almost picked Art as a major but-”
“Ahem.” Clo is the one to reprehend him before he keeps going.
“Aw, sorry, ma bad.” Nate apologizes, zipping his mouth with a gesture of his hand and turning back to his previous posture.
“It’s good to see two bright young men getting into education.” The t-rex nods, ignoring the other two.
“T-Thanks, Mrs. Spears.” I sit back down.
“Thank you, Mr. Ated.” She nods at me again. Afterwards, she looks at the last person in the room. “Now, Mel A-”
She stands up. “Just Mel. Just… Mel is fine.” She has a quiet voice, barely showing itself… almost like her looks. The only part of her entire body that is visible are her fingers and her blue eyes, the rest being covered by a winter coat, heavy beanie, fingerless gloves, long skirt, jeans and a face mask, all in different shades of black, dark red and hints of bright pink. Part of her short dark hair escapes the confines of her beanie, that I noticed only now that has cat ears, and the white skin on her fingers look dirty, like they were shoved deep in black ink and weren't properly cleaned after. “I’m nineteen, Chemical Engineering. I… major in chemistry.” As fast as she stood up, she sat down.
“Thank you, Mel.” Once more, Mrs. Spears nods.
“Mrs. Spears, I have first period, I’ll get late for class if we don't wrap this up.” Clo speaks up again. It's not phrased as a request or an order, but it clearly is one.
“Don't worry, Ms. Kmaker, you’ll have plenty of time to get to your class, and so will everyone else.” The t-rex rests her rear on the edge of the desk again, joining her hands on her lap. “But before I hand you the pamphlets... I want you all to listen very carefully to what I’m about to say.” She sounds more somber now, honest, like it’s something she isn't supposed to tell us.
Unlike the colorful cast of people around me who I’ll never see again in my life, I can't help but be enraptured by Mrs. Spears words, like they’re more important than the rest, like that's the reason she decided to call us here.
“We live in troubled times. There are people around this campus that'll try their best to make you think you don't belong here, for one reason or another.” She gestures to the world outside the door. “The way you earned your scholarship does not make you any more or less worthy to be here, nor does your species, gender, sexuality or background. What truly matters is who you choose to be here, now.” To emphasize, she points firmly to the ground near her feet. “You are not a burden, nor a necessity for some agenda. You are worthy.”
…
A loud ring sound comes from outside, a sign that our time should be up already.
Mrs. Spears turns her gaze at the door, then back at us. She’s back to her welcoming and wise demeanor. “You’re all free to go. And remember, if any of you need anything, feel free to visit my office.”
Even before she stopped talking, Clo was already up and heading outside after picking up her pamphlets. The rest of us waited just a little while longer, then I picked my backpack and got up, heading to the desk to grab the papers and then walking outside to be met by absolute chaos.
Where did that many people come from?! Fifteen minutes ago this place was quiet and calm, now a whole mob spawned out of nowhere. The loud and constantly moving crowd of people are almost shoulder to shoulder with each other, but just enough for me to barge through. I start to make my way back to the stairs to head down. I think the classroom I’m supposed to be in is downstairs, and a quick look at the info papers I just got confirms it.
The crowd slowly thins out as I head there. Now that my surroundings are less chaotic, I can actually hear the sound of my own thoughts.
What Mrs. Spears said…
I don’t know if that was just some normal “be careful with strangers” warning or if there are some actual racism problems going on around here. I mean, 10 years with no humans? That has to be overkill, right? I know that the number of people below the poverty line in Volcaldera are drastically made of humans, Skin Row and all that, but-
“Hey! Wassup, man!”
“GAAH!!!” I do a little jump to the side involuntarily, getting jump scared, literally. My left foot trips on my right leg, making me fall like a potato sack on the ground, right above my shoulder.
Nate winces at the scene, like it caused him physical pain to witness my fall.“Damn! Sorry, man, did I scare you?”
“... Arrgh …” Just let me lie here on the floor for a sec while my heart makes its way back down my throat.
He crouches down next to me. “C’mere, I got you!" Like I weigh less than a paper bag, the man picks me up, stands on his feet, spins me to the side, puts me on my feet on the floor and turns me to face him in a series of quick and gentle moves. “There ya go, sorry ‘bout that, man.”
“It’s… alright. Thanks.” I move my shoulder to see if it's still in its right place… It’s sore, but I’ll survive.
“That’s gonna hurt later if you don’t put some ice on it. I can grab some for ya, be right back-”
“No! Nonono, it’s fine, it’s okay, I’m good, thanks.” I wave at him with both hands before he runs off. The last thing I want is to bother anyone, even if it’s… well, the guy who almost scared me to death ten seconds ago.
“You sure? Okay.” He shrugs, turning back to me, his shiny smile returning.
“So… what is it?”
“What is what?”
“You- You’re the one who called me? Remember?”
“Oh, yeah, right! We share som’ classes together! Same course, and all that.” What. “We can go there together!” My face melts in surprise. Dang it, I didn’t think about that… or that he would follow me here. “So, what you say? Us hummies gotta stick together, huh?” He nudges faintly on my arm, clearly making fun of our situation.
Shit I really didn’t wanna have to deal with anyone today… Or ever… but… I mean, come on, what’s the worst that could happen? We’ll just walk to class and then he’ll prolly have something else to do and he’ll forget about me in no time. Plus, I don't want to just turn him down, I’d be a jerk, and he looks like a nice guy… I think… Those are definitely bullet wounds on his shoulder, aren't they?
Whatever, apes together strong. “Y-Yeah, sure…” Man I really have to practice my smile, there’s no way it’s convincing anyone.
“Nice!” He shines me a thumbs up and we both start wandering through the halls, heading to our class. “So, where you from?”
“Me?” Alright, small talk, that’s easy, just be normal. ”I’m… from out of state. I got the scholarship and moved here. You?”
“I’m from here! Born and raised in Volcaldera Bluffs.” Prolly from Skin Row. “Not from the nicest neighborhood, but home is home. It’s your first time in town?”
“No, me and my family used to visit from time to time. Mostly for the beaches.”
“Damn right! You do look like a beach guy.”
“I do…?”
“Yeah, the long locks and all!”
“O-Oh.” I try my best to look at anything that isn't him right now so he won't see the panicked look on my face. Change the fucking subject, quick! “Y-Yeah it’s fun surfing and playing volleyball and such do you practice any sports? You said you're majoring in P.E right?” Holy shit I don't think I talked that much in a single breath since forever.
“Heh, what sports don’t I play?!” He lets out a short laugh, scratching his chin to think. “Man, like, basketball is a given, volleyball from time to time, some of my brothers like dodgeball-”
As he goes on and on, talking about sports like Bubba talks about shrimp recipes, I finally notice that my initial plan of not attracting any looks was now royally screwed.
Everybody and their mom that passes by us is looking straight at Nate, and then at me. Of course, he’s the six-foot himbo covered in scars with light-reflecting hair and tire-lifting arms, and a human to top it off, he’s practically wearing a giant sign demanding people's attention… And oh, look who’s walking beside him, another human… me.
Well… it could be worse, at least they don't feel like looks of contempt and prejudice, just curiosity, which isn't half bad… I just don't want them to have any expectations that I certainly won't meet.
“-occer, but like everywhere else they just call it football! 's crazy! Like, why we in america call it soccer when- Oh shit!” He almost bumped into someone while talking… Well, actually someone almost bumped into him. “Damn, man, sorry!”
“It’s cool, I wasn’t looking… hey, the new humans!” Oh boy, here we go. “I thought they were just rumors for a sec.” A male velociraptor, with shining red scales and a buzz cut, reaches his hand for Nate.
“Wassup man! I’m Nate.” And he eagerly accepts it, his handshake a bit too rough.
“Wow… tight grip.” The dino just laughs it off, flexing his hand to soothe the pain. “I’m Greg,second semester here… And is she your girl, there?” He says while nodding at me, looking my way with a friendly smile.
… Yeah, bound to happen…
“Who? Oh nah, man, this is my bro, Iso!” Nate lands a hand on my shoulder, almost shoving me on the floor in the process. “We have classes together!”
“Oh… OH! Shit, I’m sorr-”
“‘’s alright.” I shrug it off. “Anyways I’ll be going, don’t wanna get late. See ya.” I gently push Nate’s hand out of my shoulder and wave at them. I depart from the two, making my way to the classroom.
I think Nate tried to follow me or say something, but some other passersby stopped him with the same interests as that Greg raptor. I hear them showering the poor himbo with questions and requests, all eager to have a taste of the new thing on campus, and thankfully they ignore me since I’m not as eye-catching as he is.
… Shit, I hope I didn't sound too cold to that guy back there. It bothers me a bit, but it's an honest mistake, it's not like it's his fault or anything. I don't want to make anyone feel bad. Well… better just head to class then, I guess.
Today's classes are kinda interesting. First period is Sociology, then Pedagogy, lunch break, and then I picked a minor in Zoology because… I don't really know, actually. Anyway, after that it's free time and then Educational Psychology.
I like these kinds of stuff. It's fun to learn about how the mind works, how people interact and how to deal with it when it comes to teaching something to someone. Psychology is a solid contender for my major, but so is History, and Biology, and Math, and… Jeez, I can't choose. I don't even know why I picked a bachelor's in Education, I just… picked it, it was a spur of the moment decision, how am I supposed to know what I'm gonna teach?!
It's fine, just… calm down. That thing about confusing me with a girl is getting to me, I just need to relax. No more interactions for the day, just… focus on the subjects. Don't even bother about the people, just keep your head down on your notebook and ears solely on the teacher’s words. Just like you did before.
Sociology :
Class - Half full, almost packed, but mostly sleepers.
Teacher - Ms. Webber. White Plesiosaur. Drinks too much coffee.
Subject of the Day - Defining what sociology really is, the difference between moral and ethics and such.
Homework - None.
The bell rings. I go outside. I walk to my next class.
Pedagogy :
Class - Half empty, only nerds around, me included.
Teacher - Ms. Calloway. Dark red Stegosaurus. Way too excited about teaching.
Subject of the Day - Mostly introductions, then briefly touching on how the mind learns.
Homework - Read an article she emailed us and memorize it for next class.
The bell rings. I go outside. I walk towards the cafeteria.
This… is not a good feeling.
Even before I picked my food, I could already see that the place was packed full of people, students and teachers alike, even some of the workers. There are empty tables here and there, but most of them are full of conversation and laughter. Friends meeting with each other after new years and vacations, new introductions and acquaintances being made, roommates deciding where to go after class… Y’know, things friends do. Goofing off, eating together, laughing…
And… I’m here. Alone.
Usually during lunch in school, He would drag me to some random table full of people and I’d laugh with them. He'd make me part of that, give me that brief feeling of… I don't know, I just know it was good.
… But He isn't here. It 's just me.
…
Screw this, I’m not eating at a table alone, I’ll go somewhere else. I turn around, holding my sandwich inside a paper bag and heading outside.
It's a pretty big campus and they have some really well placed stone benches where you can sit around, watch the birds, enjoy the green scenery and maybe even a fountain or two. That's way better than being alone at a table, so I pick one, sit down and eat my food in solitude, my only company being the cascading sound of a nearby water fountain, the riffraff of the treetops and the distant singing of birds.
The food isn't all that bad, it's certainly edible… I just don't really feel so good. Ehh, who ever ‘feels good’ these days anyway?
The bell rings. I head inside. I walk to my next class.
Zoology :
Class - Full, no chairs left unused, but it's a smaller classroom.
Teacher - Mrs. Williams. White and grey Sabertooth. Has a- wait.
Sabertooth…?
I thought those didn't exist anymore… or were like, very very rare. Most people around don't seem too impressed by it so maybe it's just fake news, but I’ve never seen one before…
This prompted me to look at her for longer, seeing more of her person. Her long white hair is tied in a not-so-neat braid on her back, and her face is adorably fluffy, covered in white fur with gray patterns and stripes on her round cheeks. Of course, she has a pair of very long fangs that protrude out of her mouth and go down past her chin, and they look… really sharp. She seems shorter than me, wearing a simple dark beige sweater with a tall collar, a black open blazer and very long wine dress pants with wide legs, clothes that fit very well around her more… voluptuous form? Advantageous curves? She's chubby, it's what I'm trying to say, a bit on the heavier side. There’s a simple gold wedding ring on her finger, the only jewelry she’s wearing, and she moves weirdly…
“Good morning, class. Having a good first day?” She sounds tired and walks in with a … weird limp, like she injured her leg but not enough to hurt too much when she walks. Mrs. Williams looks around the class, and her eyes land on me for a bit longer than they do on everyone else… They are of a bright cyan blue with slitted, feline pupils, almost shining with the light. And they look… hollow. She looks too tired to be sad and too sad to get tired, like she's not having the best of weeks. “For those who don't know me, my name is Agata Nikita Williams, Mrs. Williams for short.” She turns and writes it on the white board with a marker while she talks. “I’m a master in Zoology and I’ll be your teacher this semester.” Huh, she doesn't have a tail… I figured cats had- I mean, she's not a- Anyways, focus on the subject.
I was surprised at how much we were able to cover in our first class. She assumed we knew the basics of biology, like that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell and uhh… a-anyway, and glossed over some of the stuff we were supposed to learn in highschool, like the difference between families and species and phenotype and genotype. It's a class mostly aimed at animal knowledge, and I really like that stuff. She answered all of our questions, even the stupid ones, with the same level of interest and respect, being careful not to drift too far from the main subject.
The bell rings and people start to stand up, and so do I. One other student joyfully skips to Mrs. Williams desk, talking with her about something I can't quite understand… and that made her smile for the first time since she walked in. As I leave, I watch her pull a chair behind her desk and sit with some difficulty, using the help of her hands and the nearby desk for it. She doesn't look hurt or in pain, but still feels odd. Oh, she noticed me staring… It's none of my business, I should just get going to my next class.
Educational Psychology :
Class - Practically empty, about ten or so students.
Teacher - Mr. Boris. A wrinkly Carnotaur. Good teacher, but he’s as old as he was high as a kite.
Subject of the Day - I don't… really know, I wasn't paying much attention to be honest.
Homework - None.
The bell rings. I head outside. And… I make my way to the bus stop, I guess. Nothing else to do here today.
Today was… Weird…? Not in a bad way but… not in a good way either.
Average… God, I hate that word. I hate that everything related to me is… just average.
Mom and Dad tried calling me later in the day, prolly to ask me how my first day at the new university in another state was, how exciting it must've been… And I have nothing to tell them. I went in, talked with two people, had my classes and then headed back. Nothing unusual happened, nothing unexpected, nothing special…
… Nothing special …
It was… my fault, kinda. That's exactly what I was looking for, right? No interaction, no attention, head down and moving along… And it sucks.
I mean, who doesn't wanna be special? Have something to be proud of, to make a difference, be known for something you did, have something, anything to your name that makes you stand out in a crowd, to be remembered. It's what anyone would want, and I do too…
But… It's not everyone that gets to be special. And I certainly can't be one of them… Like, what do I have…? I’m not the fastest, I’m not the strongest, smartest, most talented, charismatic or the most attractive. There are plenty of people around the world that can do what I do, but better. They're the ones who deserve the spotlight, not me.
So… it sucks to be just another average Joe, but it's the best I can do… Someone's gotta be the background character, right? I can't be in the main cast, I don't deserve it… Maybe things could've been different if He was still here, maybe I could've been His sidekick or something. I’d be glad just to be part of His story at all. But it just wasn't meant to be…
I… think I might just watch some Wuxia movies and take an afternoon nap.
Anything but keep thinking to myself. The more I do, the worse it gets.
Tomorrow is another day…
♢
♢
Classes start again tomorrow, but today… Today is supposed to be a happy day. A special one.
But he isn’t here… Thanks to me, he isn’t here.
He hasn’t answered any of my calls for over a week… But today… He has to remember that today is special, he can’t have forgotten. So I waited… I waited for him to give me a call the whole day.
…
Waking up in the morning with no one beside me is still alien to me… the lack of his presence isn’t enough to send me spiraling, but the silence is starting to get to me… One week entirely by myself and I'm already relapsing into good old “teenage” me.
I perform the correct morning rites, getting myself up, stretching, massaging my residual limb, putting my leg in place and getting myself up. I’ll worry about a change of clothes after I need to leave for the day, first I gotta take care of whatever chores I left undone for the week.
Before I make my way outside our room, however, I glance at my phone… No missed calls, no new messages.
… He’s probably still asleep.
…
I crossed every chore from the list, leaving no stone unturned. I washed the dishes, swept the floor, took care of laundry, prepared my lunch for tomorrow and checked our fridge and cabinets for any items that are missing. I’ll have to pass by the grocery store on my way to the mall… The trip won't be an issue, but moving the bags will. I’ll just power through it, I can do this on my own.
Before I make my way to our room to get properly dressed, I check my phone again. No missed calls, no new messages…
… He must be busy.
…
Like I predicted, the trip wasn't an issue but transporting the bags from the cart to the trunk and then to the trunk inside was. Years and years of physical therapy and training apparently don't mean jack when I need to carry weight or when anything affects my balance.
The prosthesis is fine, it's not the issue. I’ll have to just get used to it someday…
After leaving the store, I made my way to the mall to prepare for our special day. I just need to buy one thing here… Two tickets to a movie called Captain Phillips. I’ve seen some good headlines about it, but the movie isn’t really important… The date is.
I got the front row seats for the latest showing in the night, just like when we met. I have some extra cash for popcorn and sodas when we get there, maybe for a late night cab if we don’t want to go driving… It isn’t that far though, maybe if he wants to walk the way back I can muster up some extra energy to accompany him, this old leg hasn’t seen much walking these past few days anyways.
Before I make my way back home, I check my phone again. No missed calls, no new messages…
… He …
…
I got everything ready… But he hasn’t called me the whole day.
I’ve been sitting by my laptop on our couch, tucked inside the thick dark duvet he gifted me. I don’t really remember what I’ve been doing before that, just that it ended me on the same spot again : his Facesnoot page, glancing at old pictures of owers, posts he made a while ago during our vacation… And of course, reloading the page every minute to see if he’d posted anything new.
He hasn’t… He hasn’t given me any news since he left.
He’s been away for a week, and during that time I was always the one calling, although he never picked it up… So today it was his turn. It’s a special day… He has to call…
Unless… He forgot…?
No, he wouldn’t forget that. He’s not the perfect man for me, but he has a good memory and an amazing eye for details, he wouldn’t ever let today pass by without showing anything for it… Even so, he… hasn’t shown any sign yet. No calls, no messages, no nothing. It can’t be. I know he’s angry but it can’t be that bad, not to the point where he’d forget our special day…
I… have to call him.
We won’t make it to the movies in time if we don’t go out in twenty minutes or so… M-Maybe he’s just stuck doing chores for his mom, or is just getting ready. I’ll have to call to be sure. I unpackage myself from inside my roll of thick covers, close my laptop and gently let it rest on our couch, then limp over to our landline, picking it up and dialing the numbers before guiding it to my ear. I sit down on the loveseat right at its side, hearing my prosthesis creek with the motion. I’ll have to oil it before tomorrow, but that can wait.
There’s no response, only the lonely buzzing noises that come on the other end. I huddle up near the wall more and more every second he doesn’t pick up.
He didn’t pick up…
“-Leave your message after the beep-”
Beep!
Same thing again. It isn’t him, but… It’s what I got.
“H-Hey! Uhm… It’s Agata…”I try to keep my voice under control, hiding away my concerns and worries like I’ve done thousands of times before, but it’s getting hard to withhold the shakiness. “Is… Is Henry there? Busy, probably heh… But I-”
Click! “Hello? Agata?” It 's his voice. Oh thank God, he answered!
I practically jump up from my seat, an almost impossible feat considering my mobility issues. “Henry! Hi!” A smile creeps up on my puffy cheeks and all the previous restraints to my voice are gone. “It’s… so good to hear your voice. Y’know what day today is, right? You probably ‘ve been too busy so-”
“Y-Yes, Agata, I know what day it is…” I hear a tired sigh coming from the other end, but he hasn’t forgotten. “But-”
“Of course you do. And here I was thinking you might have forgotten. Heh, stupid cat brain.” I can’t contain the relief in my voice, holding the phone with both hands near my ear. “S-So, you want me to go there to pick you up? I-I got the tickets already, and-”
“No! Agata, you… You should stop calling.” His voice is stern, there’s a finality to his words that catches me off guard.
My face drops, the smile vanishing. “W-... But… Today is-... We’ve always-”
“I know it’s our anniversary, but that was before I found out about what you've been hiding from me.” I wasn’t hiding anything from you, I swear Henry, it was just too painful to- “Look, just stop calling my mom’s house okay? I have enough trouble to deal with already and I don’t want you to be another one.”
I don’t think I’m breathing anymore. “Wha… Trouble? But… I’m your-... We’re…” I never felt this cold before… I feel like every string of hair, every fur in my whole body turned to needles, piercing my skin.
I hear another sigh, heavier this time. I can picture him rubbing his eyes with his whole hand. “Just… Stop calling, okay? You’re embarrassing yourself. We’ve talked about this already and you know I don’t like to repeat myself.” Every word takes away a piece of me. “Good night.”
Click!
…
Silence…
…
The phone slips from my grasp after a minute of dead, void quietness, hanging from the wire and dangling from side to side near the empty loveseat… A seat that I don’t bother to occupy right now, opting to just let myself crumble on the floor and weep.
It’s like his words didn’t quite register to me when he said them, my brain opting to give their meaning to me slowly, painfully. Every moment, a new piece of pain comes to my mind and comments itself inside, a new realization that something I had is now and forever out of reach… His company wasn’t enough to fill the hole, but it was enough to give me hope, to keep me grounded and going…
But I guess old habits never quite go away…
No one is supposed to, but I’m used to this feeling already… The feeling that you lost everything in one single second, like a bucket of cold water thrown over you while you were asleep.
…
… I lied.
I’m not used to it…
It hurts… It hurts so much…