Work Text:
It’s been thirty minutes past 2AM, pero hindi pa rin umuuwi si Josh. I’ve been staring at the bedroom’s ceiling after crying for hours, bagay na nakasanayan ko nang gawin sa tuwing magigising ako at wala pa rin siya sa tabi ko.
He used to come home by 9PM. Minsan nga, mas maaga pa kapag gusto na niya talagang umuwi sa bahay namin. Kapag gusto na niyang umuwi sa akin.
Hindi ko rin alam kung kailan at paano nagsimula ang lahat. Pero matagal-tagal na rin. Madalas siyang abutin nang umaga sa trabaho at may mga gabi rin na hindi talaga siya umuuwi. I didn’t think much of it—until I heard those sinful sounds from his office after working hours.
I woke up in the middle of the night dahil sa lakas ng ulan. I noticed that Josh still wasn’t home, and I started to worry. I immediately grabbed my phone and tried calling him, but he wasn’t answering. I sent him a few texts, but none of them were even read.
JUSTIN: Hi Stell, kasama mo ba si Josh?
STELL: Hi Justin. Hindi eh, kanina pa ako nasa bahay. Sabi niya mag-o-overtime daw siya. Bakit, hindi pa rin ba siya nakakauwi?
JUSTIN: Oo. Nag-aalala na nga ako eh. Ang lakas ng ulan, tapos wala pa siyang dalang sasakyan.
STELL: Baka na-stranded na siya dun sa office? Sunduin mo na lang kaya.
JUSTIN: Wala man lang kasi siyang text o tawag sakin. Sige, ganun na nga lang gagawin ko. Salamat, Stell. Pasensya na sa abala.
STELL: No worries! Ingat kayo!
Sinabayan ng malalang traffic ang lakas ng ulan kaya it took me about an hour to arrive at the building where Josh’s office is. I parked my car at the designated area then walked towards the elevator. Hindi mahirap para sa akin na makapasok dito, mabuti nalang ay hindi mahigpit ang office nila at nagbibigay ng access sa mga emergency contacts ng mga empleyado nila.
As the elevator climbed to the 12th floor, I felt my breathing grow heavier. I don’t know why, pero parang bigla akong hindi makahinga. Pagbukas ng elevator, bawat hakbang ko papunta sa dulo ng hallway felt heavier than the last. I tried to shake it off, but something didn’t feel right.
Maliwanag ang buong floor ng department ni Josh at tanging office lang niya na nasa dulo ang walang ilaw. Naisip ko na baka nakatulog na siya doon sa paghihintay na tumila ang ulan. I smiled at the thought of him sleeping either on the couch or his desk.
But the smile on my face and his innocent image in my mind faded as I was about to open the door of his office.
Heavy breaths.
Faint moans.
Groans and whimpers.
Anyone can tell that there are people having sex inside Josh’s office. It was quite embarrassing dahil sa office pa talaga ng fiancé ko but it’s the only room sa buong floor na enclosed talaga. Aalis na sana ako para sa privacy nila, kung sino man sila, not until I heard someone moan Josh’s name.
Bigla akong hindi makagalaw. I felt a lump on my throat and suddenly felt like throwing up. I just stood there and listened to him moan his ex’s name and beg him to fuck him harder.
When I finally had enough, I wiped the tears that were falling from my face and went home na para bang walang nangyari.
Simula noon, I started to be attentive to what’s happening around me. That’s when I noticed the text messages he’s trying to ignore whenever we’re together, or the phone calls he makes secretly. Also, the password on his phone na hindi naman niya ginagawa dati.
When it finally sinked in… I decided to do nothing about it.
Kasi ang mahalaga, at the end of the day, pinipili niya pa rin ako.
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko talaga maiwasang isipin na baka isang araw, hindi na niya ako piliin. Hindi na siya umuwi sakin.
I know I can’t give him the pleasure he needs, pero paano kung hindi na rin pala siya masaya sakin? Kapag dumating na sa point na si Ken na ang pinili niya, paano naman ako?
Another thirty minutes have passed when I heard a click on the front door, it was my cue to act like everything’s fine. I sighed deeply then closed my eyes and pretended that I’m asleep.
I felt his warm embrace around me. It was warm, yes, pero pakiramdam ko ay nanlalamig pa rin ako. I acted like he woken me up and turned around to face him, “Kakauwi mo lang?” I asked in a “sleepy” tone.
He hummed in response while fixing my hair that was covering my eyes, “Sobrang daming inaasikaso sa office.”
Lies.
I’m already fed up with his lies, but I can’t find the courage to confront him about it dahil hindi ko rin alam kung anong pwedeng mangyari pagkatapos. All I could do is to silently beg them to stop all of it. I wish they would stop hurting me.
He smiled innocently at me, na para bang wala siyang ginagawa behind my back. Then, he placed a soft kiss on my forehead, “Matulog na tayo, Justin.”
Pilit akong ngumiti at tumango nang bahagya, “Itutulog na lang.”