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It was one of those rare times when the two brothers were alone at the ranch, done entertaining guests for the summer before everyone went to their academic homes for fall terms. They planned one last ride up to Colorado before returning to California while the daylight was still decently long enough to ride all day. Packed with everything they would need for the long journey, they mounted their horses and headed North.
Robert dictated most of the conversation seeing as he was becoming world renowned and had many more interesting experiences to share compared to Frank saying what classes he planned to take next term. Frank hoped he could become a great enough experimental physicist to compliment his brother’s theoretical knowledge; what an unstoppable pair they could be.
Frank always did find it a bit strange that Robert would insist on giving him advice about girls when he was older than Frank was at that moment when he might have finally learned to navigate that world. He’d rather not try to emulate his brother on that front… or several, in fact, knowing how he would often come home in shame from being teased and bullied. A lot of it could be attributed to his weird quirks but there was also a fair share of arrogance that he could see being awarded a punch; he himself has often told Robert he wanted to wring his neck.
Still, spending your childhood isolated with someone because your mother was too afraid of the outside world for her children makes bonding with others outside the family limited. And Frank knew at a young age if he and Robert were the only two people on earth he would have been happy.
As a young adult, Frank was only just realizing how complicated those feelings can be.
After crossing into Colorado and pitching their tent for the evening, Frank felt so bold as they sat around the campfire for a dinner of beans and chocolate squares to ask if he ever had feelings towards other men in either a sexual or romantic nature. He had heard the stories involving his brother, such as gifting his rock collection to Linus Pauling, trying to strangle Francis Fergusson with his belt when Francis told him he was to be married, and when he tried to poison Patrick Blackett’s apple despite admitting he liked him very much. It felt to him Robert was mentally unstable, and homosexuality was considered a mental illness. Robert denied that he was but Frank had gotten to learn throughout the years when Robert was lying.
An evening storm rolled in and the horses started getting restless. Robert went to calm them as Frank put away the leftovers from dinner that were sure to be reused with biscuits in the morning to pass as breakfast. Frank managed to retreat inside with their belongings that they didn’t wish to get wet before the first scattering of drops fell, but Robert stayed outside well into the first sheets of rain, wanting to make sure the horses were at least settled to wait out the weather before joining his brother.
“Don’t bring your wet self in here and get everything damp!” Frank ordered as Robert attempted to come in. “Change in the doorway, at least.”
Frowning, Robert tried to decide how to best make sense of the situation, stripping down to his underwear and tossing the pile of wet clothing in the corner. He was always rather skinny, but Frank felt like he was noticing it more now as Robert just stood there, unsure of what to do as he avoided eye contact with him; perhaps Frank shouldn’t have brought up the questioning if his brother was a homosexual earlier.
“I’m cold,” Robert finally said, not waiting for Frank to reply before lying down on his sleeping bag.
“Well you’re in your underwear and your hair is still well. Not to mention you’re still skin and bones and that’s not going to retain heat,” Frank said, reaching out to touch Robert’s shoulder only not to find much warmth there. “Warm up or you’ll be sick by morning.”
It felt like a strange age-reversal where Frank suddenly felt like the older sibling telling the younger one what to do. Or, god forbid, like one of their parents. But Robert did get this way from time to time, just there was usually always someone else to aid him. Frank was already old enough to start passing him height wise so the hug he wrapped around Robert felt like two equal people instead of the ones when he was a kid only being able to hug up to his waist.
“Warm yet?” Frank whispered as he rubbed Rober’s back in a soothing manner. He felt Robert nod against him and didn’t ask any further questions.
“Have you ever wanted to kiss a boy, Frank?”
“You mean other than you?”
“You do?”
Frank cursed himself for confessing that. “I meant it in the way you’re the boy I know best by a wide margin so have not considered any beyond that.”
Robert shifted so he could finally make proper eye contact with Frank, smiling softly. “I bet you’ll be a fine kisser, if you wish to practice.”
There was nothing else to do at that moment until the weather cleared up so to hell with it. There was a weird thrill with knowing what a taboo this was considered as he awkwardly pressed his lips to Robert’s, not quite sure what he was supposed to be doing differently than the girls he kissed back at school dances and the like. Robert didn’t seem any better off as if having eight years on Frank meant nothing at all. But Robert insisted they keep practicing, and Frank did want to be an expert by the time classes started, didn’t he?
“You’ll impress a fine girl, I’m sure,” Robert said cheerfully as if he didn’t have any emotion about what just happened on a deeper level; Frank couldn’t help but feel disappointed, especially given the arousal he felt in his pants.
After the breakfast the next morning of the leftover beans with biscuits, they were ready to turn around back towards New Mexico. The skies were clear until they spotted another set of clouds rolling in but the weather stayed far enough away from them to not stall them, leaving a gorgeous rainbow in its wake. Robert started talking about the science of rainbows, either not realizing it was a basic thing Frank learned about in elementary science class or he just again wanted to boast his knowledge.
There was no hint of rain at all when they set camp up, this time opting to sleep under the night sky so Robert could talk about the constellations and the work he was trying to do on these so called “dark stars” he had theories about. Frank marveled at how his brother could think of these things, curling up against Robert so he could listen to him better. And to keep him warm, of course. He didn’t bat an eye when Robert kissed him goodnight.
Instead of immediately setting course for their ranch house, Frank suggested with the temperature warming that a stop at Katherine Lake–the one Robert named for his friend Katherine Page–for a swim would make for a lovely end to their road trip. The lake was practically private since not many knew about it other than the brothers and the lake’s namesake, with crystal blue water perfect for a dip. They tied up the horses and stripped down nude, Frank running in laughing and diving under while Robert just cautiously waded in to slowly adjust to the temperature; he was too slow for Frank who started splashing at Robert when he got near him.
“Come on, just dive in, Robert! Or I’ll do it for you.”
“I don’t feel like getting my hair wet if we are going to be riding back with little daylight left to dry it.”
But Frank didn’t care. He grabbed Robert’s leg and pulled it out from under him, grinning as he watched his brother fall back and under the water, coming up looking quite annoyed. “Swim with me just a bit and then we can leave while there’s still enough light out to dry you.”
Robert didn’t really swim, mostly just tread water with the occasional floating on his back. Frank wanted to challenge himself to swim across but settled for about as far out he could go before Robert started to yell in worry that he might drown if he went too far out; it reminded him of their mother worrying when Robert took them out on his sloop.
“Sometimes I can’t tell if it’s sweet or annoying how much you worry about me,” Frank said as he came back, giving Robert another splash.
“I already lost a brother before you. Mother would be disappointed if I lost you as well,” Robert whispered, again avoiding eye contact until Frank gave him a kiss at the corner of his mouth which made him smile.
“I’m not planning on going anywhere, Robert, no matter how insufferable you become.”