Work Text:
Be Mine
“Ahh, man, this is good.” Starsky’s expression was blissful. He made a show of licking the melted chocolate from each fingertip. “This - this - is indeed a deluxe assortment.”
“All right, that does it,” said Alvarez, and he lunged. Starsky yelped, hunching protectively over his giant, heart-shaped box.
“Starsky, either shut up or share,” muttered Hutch. He squinted at the report in his typewriter, penciled a slight correction on the page, and continued typing.
“I don’t have to share!” Starsky shouted, huddled under Alvarez’s attack. “They’re mine! Get off!”
Alvarez suddenly retreated, holding aloft a red envelope. “Well, this might be fun,” he said with a grin. He sat on his partner’s desk, said, “Cover me, Bob,” and opened it, withdrawing a garish, hot-pink card.
“Read it. See if I care.” Starsky shrugged, took another chocolate from the box, and bit into it slowly, with obvious appreciation.
“You bet I’ll read it,” said Alvarez. “If you won’t share that with us, you’re gonna share this.” He cleared his throat. “Dear Sweet Cheeks…”
The squad room erupted with laughter and wolf-whistles. Starsky smiled and licked chocolate off his thumb.
“Dear Sweet Cheeks, I know what you love to eat best… but I’m sending you chocolate instead.” Alvarez whooped with delight and continued reading, making the most of his material, his voice husky and seductive. “Think of me as each piece melts in your mouth. But don’t let it ruin your appetite… you’re getting your real gift tonight, and I want you good and hungry for it. Dinner’s on me, hot stuff – literally. All yours, Kandy.”
Starsky seemed unfazed by the raucous, desk-thumping hilarity in the room. Looking amused, he relaxed comfortably into his chair and stretched his legs out in front of him.
“By the way, gentlemen, that’s Kandy with a K,” announced Alvarez. He hopped off the desk and returned the card to Starsky with a flourish. “Kandy with a K, huh? You dating a stripper now, Starsk? Or a porn star?”
“Hey,” said Starsky, taking the envelope and pressing it to his heart. “Do not malign my valentine.”
Alvarez laughed and patted Starsky’s face. “Sorry, Sweet Cheeks.”
Hutch pulled the paper from his typewriter. “I doubt those are the cheeks being referenced,” he said mildly as he signed the report. He shoved it across the desk to his partner. “Sign on the dotted line, Romeo.”
“All of my cheeks are sweet,” said Starsky as he signed. He grinned, dotted the “i” in David with a heart, and passed the paper to Alvarez. “Put that in Dobey’s box, would ya, Rico?”
“Sure.” Alvarez did so, shaking his head. “Man, you’re shameless.”
“Yep,” agreed Starsky. “Ain’t got nothin’ to be ashamed of.” He opened the frilly box and selected another chocolate.
Hutch raised a disapproving eyebrow. “Maybe you could be ashamed of all the candy you eat,” he suggested.
Starsky looked directly at his partner. “I’ll eat all the Kandy I want. I’ll eat Kandy ‘til I can’t no more.” He leaned in a little. “That’s Kandy wit’ a K, in case you’re wonderin’.”
Hutch dropped his eyes. “Yeah,” he mumbled, “I got that.”
“Jealous, Hutch?” laughed Alvarez. “You got a sweet piece like Starsky’s on tap, or are you lonely tonight?”
As if on cue, the squad room doors opened and in walked a rose bush. It was a rose bush carried by Minnie, and it was huge. Covered in perfect pink blossoms, its pot was shrouded in iridescent cellophane, festooned with pink ribbons and a lacy pink heart.
“Look what I found at the front desk,” said Minnie, sounding a bit breathless from her burden. “Honey, I do believe you have an admirer.” She set the shrub on Hutch’s desk.
Hutch gazed at it in amazement.
“Read it, Min!” someone shouted.
“Not mine to read, sweetie,” Minnie answered. She patted Hutch’s shoulder. “It’s for handsome, here.”
“I’ll read it,” said Alvarez, and he swooped in and stole the card. Hutch made an abortive grab for it, but he was too late.
“For my darling Prince Charming:
Roses are pink and now you have many,
My honey is sweet and his name is Kenny!
Your brain is so smart, and your voice, it can croon,
Your arms are so manly, and you make me swoon!
Your eyes are so blue, and your blond hair so fine,
Sweep me away with you, make me be thine!
Love and kisses to my precious beloved,
~ Desiree.”
By the end of his extraordinary recitation, Alvarez was wiping tears from his eyes. The squad room was filled with laughter, whistles, swooning sighs, and the smacking sound of air kisses directed at a blushing blond with his face in his hands.
Minnie squeezed Hutch’s shoulders. “Honey, I think it’s adorable. You don’t listen to these fools, they’re just jealous.”
“Thanks, Minnie.” Hutch’s voice was muffled. Then he rubbed his forehead, sighed heavily, and stood.
“Card, please?” he said with dignity.
“Absolutely, Your Highness,” said Alvarez, handing over the envelope with a bow. “Is Desiree a looker, at least?” He sounded rather pitying.
“Not that it’s any of your business,” said Hutch loftily, “but yes. You ready, Starsk?”
“Yep.” Starsky leapt from his chair and grabbed his jacket and his box of chocolates. “Let’s hit the beat, Prince Kenny. You need a hand with your, um, valentine?”
“Not at all. I’ve got it.” Hutch lifted the rose bush into his arms, gave Minnie a kiss on the cheek, and said, “Au revoir, gentlemen. Enjoy your day. I know I will.” He coolly ignored the “See ya, Precious!” that followed them out of the squad room.
Hutch lost a little of his poise once they headed down the corridor. His pained groan was very soft, but Starsky heard it and gave him a smug smile.
“Don’t make bets you can’t win, boy.”
“Shut up,” said Hutch. “And anyway, my bet was that I could publicly embarrass you, not that you could embarrass me. You’re a constant embarrassment, Starsky, why would I bet against a sure thing?”
“Hutch,” Starsky sighed. “You’re an amateur dealing with a pro. Of course I was planning to retaliate. And tell me, why would I be humiliated by a red-hot sexy note on a terrific box of chocolate? If that’s your big idea of embarrassment, sweetheart, you can embarrass me every day.”
“Fine, I get it, shut up, you win.”
Starsky slung an arm around Hutch’s shoulders as they walked. “Of course I win. But lookit, you got a great rose bush outta the deal. And you know what?” He leaned close and whispered, “I happen to know Desiree meant every word in that note.”
Hutch bit his lip in an attempt not to smile and shoved Starsky away.
“Now, Kandy,” said Starsky, “–which is a great name, by the way – let’s hope Kandy meant every word, too.”
“Oh, I believe Kandy is nothing if not sincere.”
Starsky grinned. “I got the best damned valentine around.” He lifted his box of chocolate and gave it a resounding kiss.
“Lucky bastard,” muttered a passing patrolman.
“Ya got no idea how lucky, Sid!” Starsky called back, and he laughed with genuine joy.
~The End~