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Nails dug into reddened skin, picking and prodding at the irritated flesh over his scent gland.
Everything felt wrong, even his own body felt out of place in the quiet of his run-down room, only the uneven whir of his fan joining his huffed sighs and disgruntled grunts. Light streaking through time weathered windows cast shadows over the makeshift bed he had shoved into the corner. Pushed aside in a fit of frustration that now had him pacing along the streams of diluted sunset gold cutting across the dingey floor.
Why had he agreed to this? How had he allowed nearly a decade's worth of suppressing his instincts to finally boil over in front of the few people who would... care. He longed for the blockers and suppressants taken from him by his overly concerned friends, had tried to sneak them back only to be caught by Suo. That disappointed frown that twitched upon the alphas calm expression was now burned into the back of his mind.
So what if he had passed out? Was it not his choice to handle his secondary gender as he pleased?
Bang!
Pain radiated in the peaks of his knuckles, plaster chips fluttering silently to the ground.
It soothed some of the restlessness in his mind, the shock that traveled up his arm a familiar and welcome one. Chasing back his omega who had grown louder and louder with each passing day. So loud it hurt, a dull throb pulsing through his body with every rapid beat of his heart. Instinct waring with reality, with Sakura's resistance to succumb to the baser needs he continued to run from.
Again he brought his fist down in the same spot, a red smear left in its wake. A growl rumbled in the back of his throat threatening to dissolve into a whimper before being beaten back with another punch to the wall.
It would have been so much easier if he were a beta, one less thing on the long list of reasons he was labeled a freak. He wasn't even good at it! A pathetic excuse for an omega, compared to someone like Umemiya. His scent barely a whisp of cherry blossom bloom. Even that bittered by the suppressants he had abused since he had presented, rotting foliage overwhelming the natural floral notes of his scent.
No experience with his heat, likely infertile and what kind of omega couldn't even build a nest!?
Multicolored eyes glared over at the bed matt, blankets bunched in odd places, pillows folded and placed in the wrong spot. Over and over he had tried but still his omega writhed restlessly. He was told it would help soothe the effects of coming off of suppressants, yet he couldn't even manage this one thing. Something that seemed so simple to everyone else around him.
How would an alpha, or any person regardless of presentation, ever be interested in someone like him? As an omega, or just a person.
Sakura felt broken. Jagged pieces of himself glued back together, sharp edges protruding to slice through any hand that stretched out to help.
Those edges had softened since joining Bofurin, sanded down by his classmate's support of him, by Nireis infectious smile and Suos unwavering patience. It was easy to begin to feel whole, gentle hands steadying him on that tightrope he had been walking all his life. The gaping maw of self-loathing and insecurities below growing further and further away with each step forward.
Until moments like this. When he is reminded just how wrong he is. A weed growing amongst flowers.
The whimper that had been held in the back of his throat rattled free, brows pinching together behind a curtain of black and white tresses.
How could anyone, alpha or not, ever see him for anything but the freak he was? How could Suo or Nirei look at him and not see the filth and failure?
A cold chill seeped through the material of cotton pajama pants, legs curling up to his chest. His body shook with quiet sobs, face tucked into his knees.
He wanted his suppressants back, wanted to go back to hiding these shameful parts of himself away. Ragged breaths caught in the pressure rising in his throat, fingers once again digging at the gland on his neck, until they began to grow slick with blood, slipping across pale skin. He should stop, he knew he should, yet his nails continued to dig, the pain clearing some of the fog in his mind.
"Sakura?"
"Wha-" wide eyes darted up to the silhouette now standing in his doorway, the red splotches beneath his eyes and across his cheeks growing darker at being caught in such a state.
He hadn't even heard anyone come in, "what are you-" his voice cracked, arm frantically rubbing at his eyes to hide the tears that didn't seem to want to stop. "What are you doing here? Get out!" He finally managed to snap, defensive walls flying up around him as he surged onto unsteady feet.
"Is that how we greet our friends Sakura?" Suo chided, taking slow steps into the room so as to not startle his flighty omega more than he already had.
"Out," a pillow flew across the room, a long earing glinting the low light as it narrowly breezed past him, "before I- I kick your ass." An empty threat, pathetic even to his own ears. The tremble in his voice was unmistakable, congestion making his tone pitch up unnaturally.
Suo hummed thoughtfully, turning on his heels to pluck the pillow off the ground, long fingers brushing away the lingering debris, "I don't think I will be doing that. Besides. You are out of ammo," pools of dried red wine narrowed almost imperceptibly at the mess of blankets in the corner, "do you really only have one pillow?"
An annoyed click snapped at the back of Sakuras teeth, "what does that matter?" he sniffed, refusing to meet his friends steady, unwavering gaze.
At first the attention Suo gave him had been unsettling, he could feel the way those calculating eyes found cracks and holes in his defenses. It would make the hairs rise on the back of his neck, that instinct of fight or flight sitting on a hair trigger. Now, there was a small part of him, quiet and too scared to step into the light, that longed to be seen flaws and all.
"What are you doing?" Sakura snapped, looking between the phone Suo had brought out and his pillow now tucked under one arm.
"Texting Nirei to come over."
Pale skin flamed red, words sputtering nonsensically. The last thing he wanted was for more people to know about the state he was in."Why are you texting him?" he snapped.
A soft chuckle escaped Suo, "because he is your friend Sakura, and you are distressed," moving further into the room he set the pillow back onto the bed mat, "it is okay to lean on your friends. Encouraged in fact." Sakuras cheeks puffed out, head whipping to the side to glare at a stain on the floor, anywhere but those eyes bearing down on him.
Silent as ever, cool fingers were suddenly pressing to his irritated neck sending him flying back like a startled cat.
"You are hurt. Sit down." It wasn't a suggestion, Sakuras body moving before he even had time to fully process what he had been told to do. Back on the floor, legs tucked to his chest, he watched Suo dig around in his school bag.
With a first aid kit in hand Suo returned to his side, giving his knee a gentle tap, "down."
Slowly he unfurled from his protective position, a part of him preening at the nod of approval he was met with. They sat in silence while Suo dabbed away the blood from his neck, the usual passive smile he wore having fallen into a tight purse of lips. It was rare for him to look so serious.
Antiseptic gel slicked over where his nails had bitten into his skin, silence finally broken with a soft, "are you going to tell me what had you so worked up?"
It seemed Suo was going to be met with a familiar silence, fingers smoothing down a bandage along the curve of Sakuras neck. If Suo was anything, it was patient, occupying himself with cleaning up the discarded bloody gauze as he waited for those jagged walls caging his friend within to come down.
A quiet response, muffled in the space between his knees broke his stubborn silence, "I'm no good at this."
"Hmm?"
"At all this," remaining curled in on himself an arm jutted out to point at his sad excuse for a nest.
"I see," he hummed, settling on his knees, hands clasped in his lap, "well, Sakura what makes someone good at all this?"
"What?" reddened eyes peaked out at him, "I don't know- just, not that, or whatever I am doing, I don't even know-" Suos soft laughter cut him off. Narrowing his multicolored eyes into a glare he snapped, "What is so funny?"
"You can't be good or bad at your secondary gender Sakura, you simply... are," a finger crooked under his chin, encouraging him to look up at the wine-red eyes filled with an undeniable affection, "there is no template or mold you have to force yourself into just because you are an omega. Not knowing how to nest, as someone who has never nested before, doesn't make you bad or broken." His touched shifted to cup a flushed cheek, which only deepened the near permanent blush dusting across his skin, "you are learning, like you would a new fighting stance or move. It won't be perfect the first time and you might need to ask for advice or help to get it right, and that is okay."
Multicolored eyes glistened, the tension in his body slowly unfurling as Suos words worked to unknot the tangled mess he had spiraled himself into, "but-"
"Nope."
"But-"
"No," Suo interrupted again with a hum and infuriatingly calm smile, a long finger pressed to his curved lips.
Sakura huffed, a pout pushing onto pink lips, "how am I supposed to ask for help if you don't let me speak?" he grumbled.
"Were you going to ask for help?"
Tense shoulders slumped, before a reluctant "no" muttered past those pouting lips, checkerboard eyes casting to the side.
An inviting warmth pressed into his side as Suo shifted to sit beside him, an unspoken offer of physical comfort if he wished. Suo's gentle spiced scent tempting his omega to lean closer, to melt into him. This was far more comforting than a stupid nest. Sakura could not help but succumb to the instincts he had been battling all morning, body relaxing into the alphas touch, pulled closer by the arm draped over his shoulders.
“Now was that so hard,” his voice was light and teasing, hand brushing soothing strokes over his arm.
“Shut up before I hit you, do you want to fight or something? Because I can still fight, I'm atleast good at that-” came a disgruntled response, his soured cherry blossom scent beginning to lose the unpleasant sting of distress the more he succumbed to the comfort his friend was providing. Why was it so hard to accept the hand extended to him? It never failed to ease his restless body, unwinding the tightly corded muscles that ached with the release.
Despite the soft laughter hummed behind pursed lips, Suo remained quiet, his own eyes drifting closed. Comfort came in the silence that extended between them, Sakura’s body subconsciously pressing closer into the warmth beside him until he had nearly put himself entirely in his lap.
“Suo! Sakura!” a voice burst the bubble of peaceful quiet around them, making Sakura bristle like a startled cat, jerking away from Suo’s embrace. In a burst of near overwhelming energy Nirei appeared in his doorway, two bags hefted on each shoulder.
An intermingling of scents were quick to fill the small space of his room, drawing a soft keen into the back of his throat before he could stop it. He could smell them. All of them. The strong fresh linen scent of Umemiya, Tsubaki’s sharp citrus tang that made the mouth water, he could even pinpoint the musky earthen notes of Kaji.
“I brought everything!” a sharp gasp sounded from behind pink lips, “Sakura you look so pale, is that a bandage on your neck? Are you okay? Ah I read that sometimes Omegas get really agitated when they are coming off of suppressants and I have been so worried, all of us have been, but we wanted to give you space,” his words stumbled to a halt with a sharp inhale, looking nearly ready to burst with how red his face had become.
“I’m fine-” there was a hum of disapproval beside him, “eh- well i’m better,” he corrected with a slump of his shoulders.
“That’s good- or no it’s not good- I mean,” feet shifted back and forth over the hard floor, “i’m glad you are feeling better. I brought the stuff Suo said would make you more at ease, everyone scented an item for your nest!” He hefted the two bags up, dilated eyes immediately fixated on the one where the scents were the strongest. Ever observant Suo nudged him towards the bag, wordlessly encouraging him to give in. Trembling fingers grasped the word strap, drawing the bag to his chest. A discordant rumble stuttering in his chest, nose pressed into the fabric to take greedy gulps of his friends intermingling scents.
“That’s what was missing.”
Jerking back with crimson tinted cheeks he had glanced at Suo with a questioning glint in his eyes.
“From your nest, typically you would have family and loved ones scent items for you, we didn’t want to push you when you hadn’t asked, but well, I figured you would not ask, so I had Nirei do it for you,” the bed mat had been drawn back to the center of the room along with the few blankets and pillows he had managed to find.
Sakura had turned away to hide his body's response, grumbling beneath his breath, “you shouldn’t have done that,” with little energy put behind the words.
“I shouldn’t have?” Nirei frowned “i’m sorry Sakura, Suo said-”
“No- don’t ah” he huffed, spinning back around to face his friend, “it’s fine. You already did it so..” his gaze shifted to the other bag, “what.. What is that?”
“Oh! These are just extra blankets, also an extra bed mat to help make it more comfortable!” Blankets and pillows tumbled out onto the worn and tattered spread of his own nesting materials.
Careful steps were taken towards the expanded pile, the bag of scented items still held close to his chest. “This… will help too?”
“Maybe, I don’t know. I have never nested before, Beta’s don’t really need to,” Nirei shrugged, already shifting through the nesting materials, something that might have bothered another omega but instead calmed the persistent tremors that pulsed a leaded weight into his stomach. Instead, something else began to build there, something warm, a pleasant pressure that was unfamiliar to him.
Suo’s normally relaxed posture tensed, a simple twitch of his brow and narrowing of his shoulders. Careful breaths were taken through parted lips, “are you feeling better Sakura?”
“Mhm,” his head nodded, still watching as Nirei fluffed pillows and layered blankets for him.
It seemed Sakura was entirely unaware of the way his scent had begun to lose the edge of rotting flower petals and instead began to bloom like a flower bud finally breaking open to meet the spring sun's gentle rays. Drawing out the sweetened notes of the final frost giving way to fertile soil that allowed the flora to bud and bloom.
“Go ahead,” Suo encouraged, placing a guiding hand to the small of his back, “it’s your nest, we are just here to help.”
His hold on the bag tightened as a shiver teased its way up his spine, tightening the pressure in his stomach.
Uncertainty anchored him in place like weighted shackles had been bound to his ankles, or perhaps it was his body's reluctance to part from that gentle touch still resting at the small of his back that kept him in place.
“What do you think?” wide eyes, blazing with the warmth of the sun gazed up at him, “do you want the blankets like this or maybe folded and ringed around the nest?”
“Uh- folded, I want them folded,” stepping forward Sakura pointed to where he wanted them, and a faint smile curled onto Suos lips. Hands clasped behind narrow hips, he watched his omega settle in with a fond tilt of his head, helping to adjust things after each guiding question.
It wasn’t until he had begun to pile in the scented items that Sakura glanced over his shoulder to him, “do you… not want to help?" Quickly adding, "You don’t have to! I don’t need you to or anything, but like you are just hovering over there like a weirdo,” he fumbled over his words, panic lacing into the prior calm.
“It is impolite for an alpha to enter an omegas nest without being asked,” he responded calmly, “I may not behave like a traditional alpha all the time but there are certain manners I refuse to neglect.”
“Oh.” mismatched brows pinched together, “well that’s dumb. I want,” lips pursed into a thin line, “you can be in my nest.” Heat began to grow heavier within that building pressure, low burning embers dancing across his nerves. It wasn’t unpleasant, yet it had him shifting uncomfortably at his bodies foreign response to the simple idea of the alpha being in his nest. Sweat beaded across his skin when a simmering of cinnamon and clove joined Nireis subtle herbal scent, eyes following long fingers that worked to adjust a few things for him.
He had asked for this, yet he still found himself frozen in place once again.
"Here," a pillow was pushed into his arms, expectant eyes peering at him through a curtain of blonde hair.
Jaw set to a determined line Sakura began to adjust the materials in his nest, tucking the scented items into the folded blankets and layering pillows in a way that soothed any discomfort in the way things were laid out. He found none of the prior frustration from before, easily pin pointing what was out of place and how he could fix it. Sitting back on his heels, his gaze had narrowed down at the nest.
There was still something missing.
He swatted Nireis hand away when he went to move one of his pillows, a sudden territorial itch kicking up in the back of his mind.
"It's.. I like it, like this..."
"Are you sure?" Suo prompted, having noticed the tension that returned to his shoulders and the deepened crease between his brows.
"Yes... but no?" he grumbled with a scrunch of his nose.
A look was shared between his two friends, who sat back and watched the omega crawl into his nest, shifting blankets around him to find a comfortable position to settle into. It wasn't until he had himself nestled amongst the soft fabrics that he realized what was missing. Everyone's scent surrounded him, a protective blanket of familiarity engulfing him, with two being far too faint for his and his neglected omegas liking.
"You guys didn't scent anything," Sakura noted, nose twitching with each tentative sniff.
"Oh yeah! Here give us something, we can scent it now," Nirei reached out expectantly, met only with a deepened frown.
There was a beat of silence as Sakura sunk further into the blankets, "no..." he muttered, eyes flitting between the two of them. "Could you just.." his head nodded towards the empty spot in his nest, cheeks beginning to match the red of the blanket wrapped around him.
A soft yelp escaped from his pursed lips, a warm body quick to press in beside him with little to no hesitation, "of course Sakura," came his friends sunshine voice, easily slotting himself into the empty space. The embers dancing along his nerves caught fire, sending a pulse of heat through his stomach and down his legs. Like a puzzle piece falling into place, leaving only the final piece to make his nest feel whole and complete.
His gaze shifted to that final piece, who still sat back on his heels, fingers curled to rest his fists atop his thighs, "i'm not sure that is wise," he hummed, his usual gentle smile threatening to falter. "Your hormones are already dysregulated, having an alpha in your nest might elicit a pseudo heat or cause you to go into a full blown heat," a pink tongue darted out to wet his drying lips.
"Oh..." Sakura muttered, shifting beneath the blankets to brush a hand over his stomach where that persistent pressure remained. He had wondered if that was where this sensation had come from, if it was just his body reacting to an alpha; but that hadn't made sense. There were other alphas who had scented items for him, but it was only Nirei and Suos scents that seemed to affect him in this way.
"I don't think it matters," he struggled to meet Suos level gaze, even turning away from Nirei who looked up at him from where his head rested on his shoulders. The flush of his cheeks began to spread, moving to the tips of his ears and blazing a trail down his neck.
"I'm.. pretty sure Nirei affects me the same way so," his shoulders shrugged, goosebumps rippled across his skin when a gasp of air fluttered over his neck.
"I'm sorry!" Nirei squeaked, halted in place by a firm grasp before he could try and dart from where he was pressed to his side.
"It's fine, but- if its too much," fingers unfurled from the material of his shirt, "never mind you- you guys can go. I'll be okay by myself now thanks for your help. You can go, I don't need help anymore." Turning onto his side he drew the blankets up and over his head, burying himself deeper into the nest in hopes of disappearing entirely.
Warmth encased him on either side, cinnamon and sweetened tea surrounding him in a gentle embrace, "we can stay," a muffled voice came through the protective layer of blankets.
"We want to stay," came another from the other side. Bodies shifted to make room beneath the blankets, arms tangling around his waist and legs intertwining together. It was almost too much, Sakura's entire body burning at each point of contact.
"Even if I do go into heat?" a mess of black and white hair peaked out from where he had buried himself away, head now tucking into the crook of Suos neck.
"If that is what you want, yes," fingers carded through his messy hair, while a tuft of blonde slotted beneath his chin, adding a comfortable weight to his chest and slowing the rapid beat of his heart.
"Yeah! We want to be here for you Sakura," a nose nuzzled beside the bandage covering his scent gland, sending a pleasant tingle across his skin. Whatever resistance that had been left in his body melted away, a broken discordant purr starting in his chest. Pure contentment washing over him where he was sandwiched between his two favorite people. With a smile ghosting upon his lips Sakura allowed his eyes to drift closed, the morning's frustrations clawed into his skin reduced to a dull throb in his neck, pain overtaken by the pleasant hum starting to pulse from where they were pressed flush to his sides.
Suo hadn't been wrong, he could feel his body responding to the two of them, how his heart rate quickened and every touch across his sensitive skin left him feeling breathless. It was terrifying, to be this open and vulnerable in front of others. The kind of fear that could consume him within the gaping maw that stretched out below the tight rope he walked. Fear that was chased away by the scent of spiced tea.
A safety net had opened up beneath him, a promise to be caught if he were to ever fall from the tight rope he walked upon. For once, he knew he would be alright if his steps were to falter.