Chapter Text
The walk home was different today. It’s started to be different for quite a bit of time recently. It was late at night, and Ayn was walking down the sidewalk of the main road with someone next to him. Alkaid Mcgrath, a boy in the same grade as him. They didn’t have much connection, they were roped into the same band by their leader, and neither of them had any plans aside from that. It should have just been a simple relationship, and they could be no more than that.
But that guy seemed to have other plans. A few weeks ago he offered to walk home with Ayn, and they’ve been accompanying each other ever since. Count the steps, go at the same time, walk on the white part of the zebra crossing, walk on the black part of the zebra crossing. It was odd they were doing this, and it was stranger that Ayn didn’t mind. Maybe it’s just because Alkaid was the first one to ask, maybe it was something else. He didn’t really have the brain power to think about which was which, and it didn’t really matter.
It was a nice routine, and it was a nice way to get away. From other people, from the constant buzz of the crowd. Why wasn’t Alkaid included in that group? He didn’t know either. But he was thankful, not too stuffy, not too far. Step by step by step, at this point he could probably be seen as a ‘companion’ instead of an acquaintance.
He turned his head when the rhythm of their footsteps stopped, they weren’t at his house yet, nor were they at an intersection, so why…
“Hey, Ayn?”
The first thing Alkaid said since the sun set, Ayn hummed in affirmation, he was listening.
“It’s a beautiful night, isn’t it?”
“It is. The sky’s clear, so you can see more of the stars. Why? Do you like it?”
“I think it’s nice.”
“...Then I guess it is.”
They settled into a silence after. Back to the new regular.
They were at a stoplight the next time one of them spoke. Something to pass the time as the numbers ticked down.
“Hey, Alkaid?”
“Hm?”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Isn’t ‘I wanted to be nice’ a reasonable answer?” he held his hands up in a faux-defensive status, Ayn wondered if he thought he was funny.
“No it isn’t, you’re nice to everyone. But you don’t go out of your way to do things like this.” Ayn saw Alkaid fidget, was he doing this as a ploy to get something? If it was that simple, he would have preferred if he just said it right away.
Alkaid didn’t know if he was supposed to be offended by the suspicion, it was a fair point… But there really wasn’t an answer that would be satisfying. Part of him was pulled by what could count as a self-centered desire to ‘help’— Part of him felt he was getting dragged by a mysterious undercurrent, carried by the beat of his heart into an untreaded abyss.
“I don’t know.” He played it safe. It was technically true anyway, he couldn’t make heads or tails of his feelings, so he knew as much as Ayn did.
“You don’t?” Ayn raised his brow incredulously, he knew this guy was weird, but that kind of reason was something else.
“Nope. I just wanted to.” It was a lie, but a lie that made it easier for him in the short term.
“What an answer… I’m not sure what I expected.”
Though Ayn didn’t know why, it hurt a bit. Maybe he wanted Alkaid to be next to him without it just being on a whim. Though he doesn’t know the reason why, and he definitely knew he was being unreasonable like this.
A beat. The only light shining on both of them was from a passing truck. Alkaid felt himself grip on the handle of his bag a bit tighter.
“...Well, I also felt bad for you.” And a half-truth, anything more would be irresponsible. Anything more would be letting his reason get overrun. He didn’t know Ayn that well, anything too selfish would overburden him.
“Huh?”
“I felt bad. You kept running away from those people in black suits when a car came rolling down next to the entrance. Then you kept walking home alone. I don’t really think that’s fair.”
Cross. He let the beat of their footsteps process what he just heard. Did this answer feel worse? Better? He didn’t know this either.
“So what am I? A charity case? If so, your pity isn’t appreciated.”
“And that’s why I didn’t want to tell you… Whatever, forget what I just said. Imagine I’m just here for the sake of it if you like that more. I don’t mind either way.”
An out, but Ayn thinks he’ll take it. They’re halfway to his home now, just a train ride and a few minutes away. Then it’s ‘bye until tomorrow’ again. He dislikes this part the most, though he’s never had a problem with it before until now. This is probably Alkaid’s fault, reasons why Alkaid caused this also don’t need to be explained to himself, probably.
“Hey, Ayn?”
He faced Alkaid again, the fluorescent lights of the train station were unflattering for anyone, but surprisingly, Alkaid made it work. Making the now clearer figure strangely attractive. …He looked away, he didn’t need to address that today either.
“What?”
Could he really push his luck like this? Despite himself, something frightening like longing peeked through his defenses.
His flustered face and rough reaction made Alkaid laugh, he wondered if his request would come across as cruel considering all this.
“Hold my hand?”
“...”
“Ayn?”
Compared to the rest of the night, this was even stranger than their strange arrangement. He didn’t know how to react, so he just froze in front of the turnstile.
Ah well, better luck next time then… “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked-”
“...Why?”
“Hm?”
“Why are you asking?”
“The train’s more crowded at this time, we might separate if we don’t.”
“And that sounds like a shoddy excuse.” Ayn glared, it was late, he was annoying.
Caught in the act, Alkaid laughed “Oops, I guess it is.”
It was such a flimsy cover-up anyway. Something hiding some weird feeling that even made him ask that. Closeness, or budding affection? The line blurred, which made things all the more difficult.
“But… Fine.”
“What?”
God was he annoying. Ayn was playing along with his dumb ploy and he has the gall to be confused? He reached out, grabbing onto Alkaid’s stupid hand, locking their fingers together so he couldn’t escape.
“I said, fine.”
“-!”
And maybe this had its own satisfaction. Doing something so simple seemed to make Alkaid fumble, such an annoying, unchanging calm face got so flustered. He smiled to himself, watching Alkaid snuggle closer from embarrassment.
But even this came to an end, the train stopped at their station.
“Hey, Alkaid.”
“Hm?” Alkaid replied half-asleep, somewhere between where they got off and here he dozed off on Ayn. Rubbing his eyes and letting them get used to the light again.
“We’re here, I’ll be going now.”
“Ah…” He was a bit disappointed, letting go of Ayn’s hand. That moment was subtle enough to be mistaken as a dream, but real enough to be making him feel empty after it was over.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, and… Thank you for the company. Let’s do this again, okay?”
“Okay.” He echoed back, waving as the train doors closed.