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Sometimes Ridcos wonders how he ends up in certain situations. Mostly it's not all his fault. However, this time he knows he had dug his grave all by himself.
It all starts after Presentation day, a drunken hook-up. And then again after Threshing and again and again. Ridoc finds himself in Bodhi Durran's bed more often than not.
Now Ridoc sits here besides Violet watching Bodhi spar shirtless while he practically drools on the mat and imagines licking every inch of the brown skin. Ridoc knows exactly how the steel-hard muscles feel under his fingertips.
Bodhi dodges Xaden's quick punches, sweat runs down both of them. Muscles under brown skin, adorned with rebellion relics, dragon relics, scars. But Ridoc has no eye for the Wing Leader. He can't take his gaze off Bodhi, his heart thunders in his chest.
It's not just the memory of Bodhi's body underneath him, fingernails scratching on his bicep. It's fucking everything about Bodhi Durran that has captured Ridoc's mind and heart.
His smile, the brown eyes, the one black curl that never stays in place.
This is not how it was supposed to be.
A clear agreement. No feelings, no strings attached Everything casual. Ridoc can do this, he can do this damn well.
But this time everything is different. It started simply with drunken hook ups, Ridoc leaves immediately. Then one look after training, and Ridoc is for the first time sober when he is with Bodhi. Still, everything casual, everything is easy.
Out of his bedroom, Ridoc doesn't get more than a small smile from time to time from Bodhi. He doesn't even now, if Bodhi's friends know that he likes guys too, it doesn't bother Ridoc a bit.
But a week after Aotrom started channeling his power everything changed. One night his Dragon doesn't bother with his shields while mating, and Ridoc was at Bodhi's doorstep in an instant.
However, the older Rider immediately understands what´s going on. Instead of fucking his brain out as Ridoc had wished him to do, Bodhi helped him with his shields. Bodhi's brown eyes haunted Ridoc in his dreams that night.
The two still hook up, but Ridoc stays. At first rarely, then more and more often. The conversations get longer. They talk about college stuff, homework, dragons, nonsense, one night Bodhi starts about how smitten Xaden is about Violet and Ridoc was all in for the tea to spill.
In retrospect, Ridoc would say that this night was the nail in his coffin. Not that he noticed it right away.
After a particularly exhausting day for Bodhi, he falls asleep before Ridoc can finish telling him about the maneuvers he flew for the first time today. With a slight smile on his face, he tucks Bodhi into the blanket and then lies down by his side.
Aotrom had started to tease him about Bodhi after this.
It's Bodhi that Ridoc first goes to when he manifests his signet. His hand still frozen to his water glass. Ridoc was shocked when Bodhi counters him with a twist of his wrist. He just barely manages to hold onto the glass. And when Bodhi then pulls him into a tight hug, Ridoc knows that he and his heart are in trouble.
But it's not as if Bodhi doesn't show him that he likes Ridoc. Ridoc know that he cares about him.
One Sunday evening, he brought him a whetstone from Chantara, because Bodhi noticed that Ridoc's was worn out.
During a gym session Bodhi throws a water bottle at Ridoc's direction. Something he has only seen him do with Imogen and Xaden before.
Bodhi fixes the loose buckle on Ridoc's flying goggles, simply because they were lying on the desk in front of him and his fingers need something to do while he calmly explains physics to Ridoc. Weeks later, Ridoc is on top of his class.
He always has Ridoc's favorite whisky in his dorm, even though he says it tastes like dragon scales.
During archery training, he gently corrects Ridoc's elbow as he passes by.
"There comes out the teacher you should have been." Imogen's voice is slightly mocking. Bodhi's warm laugh makes butterflies dance in Ridoc's stomach. His voice trails off as he walks over to Imogen. "It was always my destiny to become a Rider, Im. You know that."
Yes. And Ridoc knows that too. Ridoc knows so much about Bodhi's childhood in Tyrrendor and therefore about Imogen's, that she would probably kill him if she knew. Bodhi's eyes always take on this warm sparkle when he speaks of his home that Ridoc enjoys listening to him for hours, while Bodhi's warm fingers draw invisible patterns on his bare torso.
He gives him a dagger for his birthday, which is actually against the rules. But according to Bodhi, it's a tyrrish tradition to get a dagger as a gift for his 21st birthday. Ridoc is sure Bodhi just made this up. Still, he's now in possession of a tyrrish dagger.
Bodhi lets him know every time if they can't see each other at night, even if it's over Cuir and Aotrom. As if they had a planned meeting every night.
When he thinks Ridoc is still asleep, he kisses his forehead before he leaves in the morning.
Ridoc sometimes lies awake and wonders if he's just imagining it all. If he's reading too much into it.
Fuck, Bodhi isn't even openly gay. However, Ridoc sometimes feels like he can feel Imogen's gaze on the back of his neck, not her murderous stare. Something else.
Or he's imagining it all.
Maybe Bodhi is just being a decent human being and Ridoc is exaggerating his role in his life. The thought hurts.
Violet's sights next to him thankfully pull him from these thoughts. Ridoc has already had enough sleepless nights. "Fuck, I love him," she whispers, her gaze locked on Xaden. He's helping Bodhi to his feet, patting him on the shoulder in a brotherly manner.
Ridoc's eyes follow Bodhi stepping off the mat. "Me too," he thinks. His lips stay closed, he just nods.
Xaden looks at them. Ridoc quickly averts his gaze to the side, his scalp tingles as he tries to be unbothered. Did Xaden catch him and Vi staring? Did Bodhi notice? Notice that he always stared at him and connected the dots? Did he nows about his feelings?
Violet giggles. "Fuck," she hisses. "We were caught."
"That's what happens when you drool over your Wing Leader," Liam interjects, looking at both Violet and him.
Violet turns around and sticks her tongue out at Liam. Ridoc laughs with his friends. While he'd rather be laughing with Bodhi across the room. His heart tugs.
"Any help?" he asks his best friend over their bond.
"In my opinion, you have two options: a funny little fly with me or you can get drunk."
"What about first we fly, after that I get drunk."
"Fine. But if you get sad and whiny again, I'll block you out."
"I'm never sad and whiny."
"If you want to think like that about yourself, fine with me."
"Ass."
"I'm waiting for you at the flight field." Aotrom's anticipation rushes through their bond.
Ridoc's gaze goes to his flight jacket at the edge of the sparring hall.
"Not if I get there before you." he jumps up, grabs his jacket, and calls out to his squad. "Gotta go, bet with Aotrom," before sprinting out of the hall. Of course, Aotrom is already there when he arrives, panting.
"You lost." his dragon calls triumphantly, blowing warm air in his face.
It's late when Ridoc returns. The hallway to his room is dimly lit, so Ridoc only notices someone sitting at his door when he's only a few steps away.
"Bodhi?" he had said this morning that he was with his friends tonight, so Ridoc can't trust his own eyes for a moment.
Bodhi looks up and smiles at him. "There you are," he says, jumping to his feet.
Ridoc has to blink and wants to pinch himself. Is Bodhi really standing in front of his room door, or did he fall from Aotrom and hit his head?
"What are you doing here?" he asks, confused.
"I've been waiting for you. Cuir told me you're with Aotrom."
Ridoc opens his door. “Come in.” before someone sees you he thinks bitterly as he lets them both in. He is sure Bodhi doesn´t want anyone to know that he is here. Bodhi looks around.His gaze sweeps over the pile of dirty laundry, the unmade bed, and the mess of papers on his desk.
"I just cleaned up a week ago," he says, still smiling. That smile makes Ridoc's heart stumble, as always. Fuck, he's down bad for this man. But why is he here? For a quickie before whatever he actually has planned for today?
"Can I sit down?"
Ridoc nods, expecting Bodhi to sit down on his bed. Instead, he sinks down at his desk, his hand almost immediately picking up a pen and starting to twirl it between his fingers.
Bodhi always fidgets. Ridoc had noticed this ages ago. Now, however, his carefree demeanor is missing. The way he leans back in his chair seems tense.
Ridoc doesn't want to ask again what he's doing here. But he can't stand the silence either. "I thought you were with your friends tonight."
"Xaden went for me," Bodhi replies. "He's telling Garrick that I'm not coming. This is more important," he quickly adds. "Talking with you is more important."
Ridoc finally has his answer. He wants to talk to him. His thoughts clear, and he sits down on his bed, leans his back against the wall, and looks at Bodhi. But as soon as he's comfortably seated, his thoughts begin to race.
What does he want to talk about? Has he met someone and can't meet with Ridoc anymore? Does he no longer have time to waste hours with a Rookie? Has he found out about Ridoc's feelings and wants to put a stop to it right away?
"So you want to talk..." he lets his voice fade out. He is afraid of Bodhi's next words.
"Yes." Bodhi says, swallowing. "I should have said something earlier." Ridoc's stomach drops, nervousness burns under his skin. "Actually, right away after I noticed it." he pauses again, looking at the pen between his fingers. Fuck. He knows about Ridoc's feelings. Did he catch him staring? Bodhi's next words will be an attempt to gently let him down. Still, Ridoc knows his heart will break. Bodhi takes a deep breath, his words coming so fast that Ridoc has trouble understanding them all. "It's not like I planned it. Actually, this is the worst timing for me. It's stupid. But I couldn't stop it."
"Huh?" Ridoc wishes he'd said something else, maybe a joke or something clever.
Bodhi takes a deep breath again and looks back at him. Warm brown eyes meet his, and Ridoc forgets to breathe for a moment. Bodhi chews on his lip. "I'm not really good at expressing my feelings," his voice trembles. Or did he imagine this? Ridoc is still not sure if he had suffered a brain trauma without realizing it. It can´t be real that Bodhi wants to talk about his feelings.
He has to blink. Wait, did he really just say what Ridoc is thinking? "Feelings?" his mind is blank, so he can't even form a coherent sentence.
"Um. Oh, fuck it. Yes, I have feelings for you, Ridoc. I know we said no hard feelings, just everything casual. But I hate this." Bodhi takes a deep breath and calms down a bit. "I mean, I denied it for a really long time. But at some point, I couldn't do it anymore. I thought I was being discreet, but Xaden noticed right away. I didn't want to say anything. Because I thought it was different for you. I was selfish and wanted only half of you instead of none at all." Ridoc can't believe what he's hearing. Bodhi wants him. Perfect Bodhi Durran wants him. Him of all people? His heart is pounding so loud in his chest that he almost doesn't hear Bodhi's next words. "But Xaden said I should finally stop being a coward and come clean. I think he's tired of watching me helplessly pin after you. Still, he's right. I'm just driving myself further into a broken heart."
It takes Ridoc a moment to take it all in, then it clicks. Bodhi returns his feelings. For Bodhi, this is also more than just casual hook-ups. Ridoc doesn't imagine all of this. It was Bodhi's way to show him what he feels.
He can't fight the smile creeping onto his lips. "Fuck Bodhi, you should have said something sooner," he exclaims. "Do you know how many sleepless nights I've had because I thought heartbreak was inevitable for me?"
The pen falls to the desk with a soft click, in the next moment Bodhi is right in front of him. The mattress bends slightly under his weight as his warm hand finds Ridoc's.
“Are you serious?” Bodhi is so close to him that he can see the different shades of brown in his eyes, feels his body heat radiating from him.
“I would never joke about my feelings for you.”
Ridoc´s words still linger in the air between them as Bodhis lips meet his.
He knows how it feels to touch Bodhi, how it feels to kiss him.
However, with this kiss, everything is new. For the first time, Ridoc allows himself to enjoy the fireworks beneath his skin, the butterflies in his stomach. He cherishes the feeling of Bodhi's soft lips against his own. How they perfectly move against his. Their fingers intertwine on the sheet while Bodhi's hand finds the back of his neck. He gently strokes Ridoc's curls. A shiver runs through his body and his heart thunders against his ribs. Ridoc savors every second. It's better than anything he knows. It's real, it means something.
Breathless they part.
Bodhi leans his forehead against his, Ridoc still feels his breath on his lips. "I love you, Ridoc.”
Ridoc steals another soft kiss from Bodhi. "I love you too."