Work Text:
Gabriel was awakened from his nap on the couch as V1 slammed the door open, repeatedly and quickly poking him over and over again with its arms. He grabbed it’s fist tightly. “What!? What are you poking me for!? Is the house on fire or something!?” He snapped, quickly straightening up.
“[NO.]” It responded, half-closing its lens. “[MINOS PRIME SENT US A LETTER.]” V1 revealed the Knuckleblaster hand from behind its back, a white envelope with “To: Archangel Gabriel & Creature of Steel” written on it in neat cursive.
“Give me that!” Gabriel snatched it, nearly tearing apart as he ripped it open. “Ahem….’Dear Archangel Gabriel, I humbly invite thee and thine companion, the Creature of Steel, to accompany me along with the population of the Lust layer on our night out to the restaurant known as “Oyster House” in the Wrath layer upon the date of July 15th, at 6:00 PM. Thy presence would be a well-received gift.’”He stared at it for a few more moments in confusion. “What?”
“[WHAT?]” They both mumbled in confusion at the same time. A few seconds later, V1 leaned in closer to Gabriel. “[SO ARE WE GOING?]”
“Machine, for the final time, stop leaning so close to me.And..” He sighed. “..Yes. We’ll go.”
V1 let out a high electronic trill of excitement, bouncing up and down energetically. “[WOOHOO! THEY BETTER HAVE BLOOD ON THE DRINKS MENU THOUGH.]”
Gabriel sighed. “Machine, it is a seafood restaurant. They’re not going to have blood.” He muttered, getting off the leather couch, gently flapping his wings. “C’mon. Let’s get in the car.”
like seven minutes later
Gabriel pulled into the overly crowded parking lot, poking V1’s shoulder with the tip of his wing. “Do you see the Corpse of King Minos anywhere?”
V1 looked out of its windshield, swiveling its head. “[NO. BUT I DO SEE A 1960 FACEL VEGA HK 500 THAT HAS A LICENSE PLATE SAYING “LUST”.]”
Gabriel just stared at the machine for a second, mentally raising an eyebrow. “That’s…really specific. How do you know EXACTLY what type of car it is?” He pushed the question aside, parking beside the vehicle that V1 had noticed. It was pretty nice, sure, but for some reason Minos had also decorated it with…Hello Kitty. “…what is wrong with him.” He grumbled to himself.
“[STOP STALLING. I’M HUNGRY, LET’S GO.]” It grabbed him by the hand, dashing up the stairs. It blinked a few times once they entered the restaurant. It unsurprisingly smelled like seafood, and the walls were a lovely teal with shelves on either side of the check-in podium with various merchandise of the establishment. The second it was done observing that, it moved on to the next thing, dragging Gabriel and itself through the small crowd until they came across the table in the middle, with both Minos Prime and Sisyphus Prime sat opposite of each other.
Gabriel almost tripped over as V1 abruptly stopped. He had to stop himself from shooting a glare (or, as much of a glare as a helmet can give off) at Sisyphus as he pulled out a seat to sit in. “Ahem. Minos. Where’s the rest of your layer?”
The king pointed around them. “Ah. That crowd is them. There weren’t enough seats for all of us, unfortunately, so some of my subjects have been left to stand.”
Gabriel just shook his head. “Well that’s not surprising. There’s no way the entire lust layer could fit in a single building.”
“Well, they did. There’s just not enough tables.” Sisyphus chimed in.
“[SHUT UP, SUN BOY.]” V1 pointed at him rudely out of nowhere, as much disdain as roboticly possibly in its voice.
“Oh yeah? Is that a challenge?” Sisyphus smirked .smirkingly idk it’s 11 PM and I’m actually kinda tired
“Creature of Steel, if thou would please calm thyself. Now is not the time for thy grudges to be settled.” Minos’ rested his chin on his palm, sounding the slightest bit impatient with the drama already starting to stir up. “Just… Read the menu and be civil.I beg of ye.”
Gabriel thought he heard a “[OK GAY-NOS.]” from V1, but didn’t feel like poking the bear right now and shrugged it off. Hm…maybe he could get a kids menu for V1 just to annoy it.
As the filth working as a waiter approached the table, the group ORDER-(minos prime reference)
-ed their drinks. Tea for Minos (haha bri’ish old man), coke for Sisyphus, water for Gabriel, and…
“[DO YOU HAVE BLOOD HERE?]” V1 squinted its lens, cocking its head to the side hopefully. They better have blood they better have blood theybetterhavebloodtheybetterhaveblood they better have blooooodddddd.
The waiter shook their head no.
V1 almost- ALMOST- ultraricoshoted them, but fought off the urge. “[…OK-]”
Right as V1 was about to request some water instead, Gabriel cut it off. “Oh, can it have a kids menu please?” The waiter nodded. V1 almost started trying to maul him. Unfortunately, before it could correct him, the waiter walked off.
[“YOU…YOU…AARJXJXK@/@;&KLAKDKCK’938:&;&:&/&482838&;&/9 1001111011010110011110111110 1110111010!!!]” It angrily spouted some nonsense, slamming its fists on the table before crossing them with a displeased huff. How DARE he!
Gabriel scoffed at its immaturity, milling over it in his mind as he read the menu options. Yeahhh, he’d never tried any of these before. He just decided on whatever the first thing he saw when he looked at the menu was.
As V1 received its menu, it wished it could frown. The kids consisted of chicken strips, pizza, and some other thing it didn’t care to read. It closed its lens halfway again, figuring pizza was the best it was getting.
As the filth taking their ORDER (minos prime reference) returned, the four took their turns ORDER(minos prime reference)-ing. Now they just had to wait, then eat, then get out of here.
“Thank the father I’m the only normal person here,” Gabriel thought to himself, discreetly sliding V1’s menu towards him so he could color it in and do the puzzles. It was a bunch of cartoon crabs and…shrimp, probably.
“Thank the father I’m the only normal one here,” V1 thought to itself, grabbing it’s crayons- before realizing Gabriel had taken it’s menu with the coloring sheet. It beeped in annoyance, snatching it back from him, only for him to take it again and start waving it in the air away from where it could reach from sitting.
“Thank the father I’m the only normal one here,” Minos thought to himself, watching the small dispute between the archangel and the machine for the coloring sheet.
“Thank the father I’m the only one normal here,” Sisyphus thought to himself, leaning over the table to whisper to Minos. “Do they always do this?”
Minos sighed, nodding solemnly. “Yes. Every occasion on which I invite the two, they find a reason to bicker. ‘Tis quite exhausting.”
“I can imagine it would be.” The king of greed also sighed, leaning back in his chair. The prime souls continued to spectate the skirmish, until Gabriel eventually gave up and returned in to V1.
Once their food arrived, they all ate as normal. Minos and Gabriel finished first. The archangel wiped the crumbs off from around the holes of his helmet. “Ahem. Minos. Why do you always speak so fancily? The English language has changed a lot since you were imprisoned, you know.”
Minos wasn’t having it right now. His food was literally burnt and he kept being interrupted by his citizens trying to ask for a bite, so his usually infinite patience was pretty finite right now. “Oh, I don’t know. Why art thou still an archangel? Thou are aware the father is gone, correct?”
Gabriel literally leaped over the table at him. Sisyphus and V1 looked to the two scrambling around in a fight before looking to each other with a “do we intervene look”. They decided to just leave them to it. It wasn’t long until they just heard “Judgement!” followed by “DIE!” with a “You are outclassed!” from Gabriel in response. It didn’t take long for the two to roll right out of a window.
V1 finished its paper a few minutes later, but it was still hungry. Hungry for blood, specifically. It narrowed its lens as it stared at Sisyphus, before abruptly aiming (I don’t know the weapon names uhh the one that shoots coins) right at him. Of course, Sisyphus got up to try and defend himself. Soon enough, they were in the middle of a fight.
“YOU DEFY THE LIGHT!” Gabriel angrily yelled, briefly brushing the dirt off of his breastplate as he charged at Minos with his swords. The king of lust rolled to the side, and the archangel just slammed himself against a fence. He grumbled, disoriented. Minos took advantage of that, attempting to slam towards him. His advance was stopped by Gabriel grabbing his wrist. They started rolling around whilst scrabbling again.
“GET OFF!”
“YE FIRST!THOU WERE THE ONE TO START THIS!”
“YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SPOKE BLASPHEMY!”
“IT’S TRUE AND THOU KNOW IT! THOU LITERALLY REALIZED WHEN THOU HAD THAT AWAKENING AFTER THE CREATURE OF STEEL BEAT THEE AGAIN!”
“DON’T CALL IT AN AWAKENING THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING HOMOSEXUAL!”
“OH?? THOU ARE IN DENIAL, AREN’T THEE!”
“I AM NOT IN DENIAL!”
“YES THOU ARE! ADMIT IT!”
“NO I’M NOT! YOU. UH. FREAK??”
“HAH! YE CAN’T EVEN COME UP WITH A GOOD INSULT!”
“YOU-“
“OHGREATHEAVENSMOVE”
The two were CRUSH (minos prime reference) ed beneath the weight of V1 and Sisyphus, the four’s separate quarrels turning into nothing but a writhing mass of “JUDGEMENT!” “BE GONE!” “YOU ARE AN IMPERFECTION TO BE CLEANSED!” and coins.
They just kept and kept fighting, until they rolled right into the driver door of Minos’ car. Everyone went silent and paused. The door was dented. The chaos quickly resumed, with Minos fighting even harder.
“THOU DENTED MY FAVORITE CAR!”
“WE WEREN’T TRYING TO!”
Finally, after 15 minutes of fighting, the group was finally tired out, everyone panting and reduced to just pettily slapping the other. At last, Minos got up.
“I’m taking the lust layer home. Gabriel, I demand that thou pay for my car door.”
He mumbled, limping back up to the restaurant.
Soon enough, everybody else got up and left. Minos drove almost double over the speed limit back home.
“King Minos, I’m still hungr-“
“IN A MINUTE.”
He proceeded to floor the gas even harder, until they arrived home at the Lust layer.