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Camilla found herself helpless, even after she realized Corrin's death had only been a nightmare. The sweat on her forehead caused her fringe to cling to her skin in a manor she felt was unladylike. Even in the privacy of a tent she felt compelled to keep up appearances. She was uncertain of whom for; certainly not for herself.
Camilla stood up, thick unbrusbed locks weighing heavy on her shoulders just as the duty of protecting her beloved family did. Elise was sound asleep next to where the elder princess had been laying, undisturbed by a much taller body shuffling to stand up from the blankets they laid on and under. She had always been a heavy sleeper, however, since she was a young child. Camilla found it to be a trait she longed to have herself, too. She never slept well.
Camilla slipped her shoes on and stepped out of her tent; few troops were awake at this hour, and any commanding soldiers awake that were were likely aiding sentry duty. She could see Odin keeping guard, his aged leather-bound tome snug in his grip. He seemed much more serious at night, and when Laslow exited Xander's tent and approached him, he kept the serious expression. How curious that the two clowns of the Nohrian royal army took protecting their charges so much more seriously. Their foolishness had never truly detracted from their skills.
Camilla turned away and walked, allowing the cold to nip at her cheeks. The chill of Valla's air was still kinder than Nohr's, despite the sun having not graced the land since Anankos-only-knew-when (quite literally). She embraced the sweeter cold, and she would stop near the edge of the ruins they were making their final rest just outside of. Not a Vallite phantom to be seen. A blessing, or a curse, as she was unarmed; she longed to die, more than anything, but she could never lay down and bury herself until she saw Corrin's goals through to the end.
Camilla opted to sit down on a piece of rubble that laid in front of her, her eyes still fixated on the empty ruins and forgotton history in front of her. Arete was in her mind, the avoidance of discussing from whence she and Azura came now clear to her. She supposed dying from Valla's curse was not a fate she wanted to meet until it was time to tell her true daughter about their home country. A need-to-know basis. Yet as strange as it felt to admit, holding this secret herself was the closest she felt to any of her father's consorts or wives. Arete had been kind to her, yes, but perhaps it was her strained relationship with her own mother that made her keep Arete at such a distance.
The daze she was in was heavy. Thoughts of her late stepmother and the dread of the nightmare swirled in her mind and bogged her down; staring into the fog it felt like she could see phantoms dancing in front of her. It was only when the voice behind her spoke that she would snap out of it.
"A strange time and place for my lady to be out all alone." Selena's voice was once harsh and grating, even when alone. It had softened considerably behind closed doors over the years.
"Selena." Camilla's eyes did not break away from the forgotten rubble before them. "I did not know you were awake." Selena had always been a light sleeper, too. Many a late night in Castle Krakenburg was spent in Camilla's quarters, sitting in sleepless silence and the occasional conversation. Tonight was like any other, to the princess. "Sit with me." How Camilla detested being alone.
"Of course." Footsteps crunched in the cold dirt and grass until she was standing next to Camilla. Selena would sit down; Camilla wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer like it was a habit. Selena leaned into it like it was she craved. "Are you not cold, Lady Camilla?"
She was. Camilla always felt cold, to the touch and in her heart. Perhaps that was why she had ever come out here; to solidify herself once more after that dreadful nightmare. To forget alone, to distract herself, to render herself uncaring. She could never stomach the very idea of being uncaring.
"I am." She finally responded in a way that made her feel more like a little girl than a grown woman. Perhaps her inner child sought affection in this moment. "I was trying to... distract myself from this awful nightmare."
"My lady?" Selena questioned. "This awful nightmare?"
"This nightmare, yes." Camilla's eyes still focused on the ruins. "Crumbling walls that could never protect anyone... Not even the walls built specifically to protect a specific person."
"You sound like you know when you're going to die, my lady."
Perhaps she did. Camilla finally tore her gaze away from the ruins, and Selena was staring at her with hardened eyes. Camilla knew that look all too well; it was one Selena only wore when she was at her most serious. Protective and deadly, even more than Laslow or Odin could ever dream of conveying. "Did I say that, darling?"
"No. It just sounded... implied. Like you're going to let yourself die in this battle against Anankos." Selena always picked up faster than she let on. It was Camilla's favourite trait of hers. She read people in a way that trumped even herself and Xander's abilities; Xander who learned to pick out the finer details from a distance, and Camilla who always found herself up close and personal. "But you know I'm not going to let that happen, right? You can't die until I do.
"Oh?" Camilla hummed, but she could not hide the resignation to death behind her voice. "Dear Selena," she said, and a sad smile crossed her face. "I could not live with myself if you or Beruka died... Especially in my stead." Truly, her relationship to her retainers was strange; she had devoted herself to protecting them more than she wanted them to protect her. It was their job, of course, but Camilla could never allow anyone to die or be hurt in her place.
"It's my job, and my honour. Lady Camilla, I took an oath when I entered your service. I swore to the Crown, to your father, to you, and to myself." Selena's hand wod rest briefly on Camilla's thigh, but she would retract her hand once she had realized what she was doing. Camilla pulled her hand back without hesitation, resting it on her thigh once more, holding it in place. Selena was tense for a moment, but relaxed soon after. "And... I don't know how far the King was when I had sworn that oath... but it still means something. To me, at least."
Camilla's smile was tired. "This battle will be deadly," she responded, "My little Corrin will certainly be marching some of us to our deaths. You understand this, yes? This fight cannot be won if she perishes. I would draw my last breath impaled on a Dragon's tooth if it means she survives this battle. Any battle, much less this that determines the fate of the world."
"I know this, Camilla." The title was gone. Selena had never referred to her by name alone before. Though others in service to the Nohrian royal family would call it disrespectful, Camilla appreciated it behind closed doors. It made her feel human. "And I know you didn't come out here to contemplate how you'd die. She paused. "Did you?"
Camilla laughed. "No, darling," she answered, and finally she could feel her mind clearing up just a tad. Her smile faded shortly after. "I had a terrible nightmare."
"Care to talk about it, my lady?" Camilla frowned at the return of titles. "Ah... Camilla?" That sharp observation returned, too. Selena could read her mind with the same ease as children's stories.
Camilla hummed to herself in thought, and when Selena leaned her head on her shoulder, Camilla would lay her head on Selena's head in return. Selena was warm. Camilla closed her eyes. "Anankos devoured Father before my very eyes, and how silent of a death it was. He simply slid down his throat without a word, and melted into sludge before even reaching his stomach. Then, he devoured our army. Screams of friends, family, old enemies, and I had scarce time to react before he turned to my sweet Corrin, who stood all alone." In the distant fog, she could see phantom visions of her nightmare unfolding once more, as if taunting her, and her nails dug into Selena's arms just slightly. The drum of Selena's fingers on her thigh brought her down again, and she loosened her grip. Her brows were furrowed. "That accursed Dragon that stole my Father away and is threatening to destroy what remains that I hold dear... I watched that monster take her with his tongue and swallow her hole. And my deepest fear is just so. I would throw my life away to stop it from becoming true."
"But throwing your life away means you won't be able to protect anyone anymore." Selena said so softly. "Think about it a little more, yeah? You can't protect your family if you let yourself get killed. That won't happen with me and Beruka watching your back." Camilla's smile crept across her lips again. "We'll make it out of this stupid war together and in one piece, okay? You and me and Beruka and your family... everybody."
"Your faith in our ragtag little army is very endearing, darling." Selena's faith indeed stirred hope within her charge. She lowered her arm to Selena's waist. Selena scooted her hips just that bit closer. "But perhaps you're right, darling. Throwing my life away... I could protect no one. I should just as well fight for Anankos myself." The idea of betraying her family, of betraying Corrin, well, was laughable. But the weight of dread and fear left her lungs to heavy to heave out even a chuckle. She would sigh in place of a laugh. "I must confess... I am terrified," she would admit suddenly. She feared losing the battle, losing loved ones, even losing her own life. Losing Corrin was still the scariest outcome for her, but she could not deny she was scared by any outcome containing death. She felt that, compared to the Silent Dragon, they were nothing more than children or toy soldiers waving sticks and wooden mock-spears in his face.
Still, the Hoshidan and Nohrian royal families had proven themselves to be mighty, and mightier as allies and friends. Their retainers were intelligent, powerful and versatile. Azura's magical song and mysterious powers lent them support that which they would surely perish without. And, of course, Corrin... the gift bestowed upon her from the Rainbow Sage would be brandished in her hand. Lives had already been spent to get to where they were now. She still so vividly remembered the grief written on Ryoma's face when Scarlet had been struck down in front of them. The sorrow and guilt over Corrin when the Rainbow Sage perished before their eyes.
And Father perished so long ago... His death, in hindsight, felt like a warning. She remembered Xander had shown signs of noticing the shift in his behaviour as well, but neither she nor he had the bravery or certainty to bring it up to one another. They had the chance now to cull the monster that devoured him so many years ago. She could not save him, but perhaps they could avenge him A new surge of determination filler her heart. "Selena, my darling, I do always appreciate our little moments like this."
"Do you, Camilla?" She lifted her head, and their gazes locked once more.
"I do," Camilla answered, "You always seem to know what to say. Your presence clears my mind of haze." She smiled once more. "Perhaps after this battle... we could have a moment like this in more peaceful times."
An expression Camilla could only describe as thoughtful would cross Selena's face, but in mere seconds it would change into a smile. "I think I'd like that very much, Camilla."
Camilla beamed, and though she knew deep down that Selena would eventually leave, Camilla would hold onto herfor as long as she could. Holding on was something Camilla did best, after all.
Though the sun could not grace Valla with its warmth for mornings past, the sound of the camp waking up signified the army's morning had come. The dawn of the final battle rose over them, and it drew ever closer. Camilla was now certain that they would defeat the Silent Dragon.
All they had to do was hold on to hope. Holding on was what Camilla did best.