Chapter Text
“When we get bigger, let’s get married!” an innocence declaration by a little girl. “What about me?” a little boy chirped in. “I will!” another girl beamed. Two little boys blushed until their ears turned red and two little girls giggled away on the thought of their happily ever after.
A distant memory plays in your mind as you twirl the pen at your desk. Writing the mission report gets easier as time goes but it is still a hassle. You glanced at the clock on your desktop, 30 minutes before clocking off. Well, time will pass anyway so you might as well get the job done and end the day without any work burden tomorrow. As you clack your words on your keyboard, your phone vibrates and a red dot appears on your messaging app. Somehow, without even opening, you already know who it is from. Wrapping up your report and hitting that submit button, you packed your stuff and ended the day.
Your thumb swipes up and reads the message. Of course, it is from Zayne. “Are you done for today?” he texted. You reply with a quick “Yeah” and see the triple dots waved besides Zayne’s avatar. “Okay. Just wait for me at the hospital gate. I’ll be done when you reach there”. A quick and swift instruction from Zayne. You react to the message with a thumbs up and picking up the pace to the meeting spot. Exactly 3 months ago, an explosion occurred in your neighborhood. Turns out it was Josephine’s house. The fire was so sudden and intense, there was no public release on the actual cause that robbed three of your most beloved people in your life. That eased your transition in a new place as a new kid in the neighborhood. You can never forget how warm Josephine’s house was. Grandma Josephine, Caleb and MC were so welcoming to you and inevitably, the four of you, adding Zayne, were friends before you knew it. The gravity of losing two of your childhood friends and a coworker is something no one could prepare you for. A part of your soul was also buried at their wakes. But what devastated you even more was seeing Zayne during it. His beloved was buried without him ever getting a chance to express. You guess, in a way, grief is all of the unexpressed love, as they said.
You reach Akso’s Hospital gates before you know it. Time flies when you are so lost in thought. Zayne was already waiting for you with eyebags even worse than before. Your heart aches for him, not only for the physical condition that he is in but also the way you still have to compete with the ghost of MC. The both of you, in a way, yearn for the other silently, waiting for the tides to finally brush at their feet and realize that they were already being loved. So, so loved. Alas, fate has always been cruel. “Hey. Ready?” you speak. Zayne nods, picking up a paper bag on the ground and walks you to his car. The both of you took off to a road leading to a serene place.
Your relationship with Zayne is like a hot bath after a tiring day. You don’t need to interact with each other closely and frequently but by presence alone was enough to fill up the underlying message. The kind where the other shows up when needed and unwinds the tangled up mind. Where subconsciously, a steady love sprouts within you but hidden deep at the corner of your heart, forever growing away from the outside world.
Three tombstones with familiar names etched on them. Everything is still in pristine condition as if it is mocking, saying time has never really moved and the three months that had passed was just an illusion. A relativity. That the explosion, the wake and funeral just happened yesterday. Zayne placed three bouquets of flowers on each of the tombstones, with one that lingers slightly longer than the others. “She’s always been a fan of jasmines” you break the silence, only to be responded with a sorrowful stillness. It was too much for Zayne to respond. Silently, Zayne wonders if jasmines were a curse to him now than a blessing. “Let’s go.” as Zayne turns his body around, not wanting to stay a moment longer. Afraid that he will lose himself after losing his heart, buried six feet under MC's tombstone.
You know the ending to the story you embarked upon. You know that happily ever after does not exist with Zayne yet your heart is at odds with your mind once again. “We’re still friends. Staying at each other’s side is what friends do” is what you keep telling yourself. A delusional reason as to why you sail through the treacherous storm in order to be at his side. You know your heart is taking the brunt of the damage yet you did not care. A tiny ember of hope keeps you hailing the sails, praying it will reach its destination soon. You have already waited years for Zayne, what’s another year or two would change that. Until it actually did.
You and Zayne volunteer for a mission in Skyhaven, as part of a request by the Farspace Fleet on eradicating an area of Wanderers in an abandoned city area. It was just another normal Hunter mission, nothing too crazy based on the mission details. You and Zayne worked together numerous times before so it has become a second nature to the both of you. As you scout the area, you see a group of Wanderers surrounding someone but you can’t make out the silhouette due to the heavy rain. You rush to the scene and before you could even pull the trigger, you heard a familiar voice. Two voices. Two voices that you have longed for to hear once again yet here you are, heard it loud and clear. As you inch closer to the scene, your brain could not comprehend what image befalls in front of you right now. It was MC and Caleb, alive and well. Even better, bickering with each other while the Wanderers are already on the ground in a split second. A scene too familiar. A scene that felt like home once more. Your legs move faster before you could even think, you jump and hug both of them, wailing your hearts out. “How is this even possible? We went to your house. I went to your house. It was burnt down. They said the fire was so intense that there was not a single formed body left. Everything was burnt to a crisp.” as you choked out a sob at every other word. MC and Caleb looked at each other and returned the embrace. You couldn’t even bother to ask why and how for now. All you know is that your home is here once more.
As you return back to base with the two of them, you assist MC to the infirmary to get treated. You see her bandages turned red, a sign a wound opened up. Your joy of meeting them overshadows the other side of the coin that is about to get flipped as well. As you sat MC down, Zayne was frozen in place. Time stood still for the three of you even though you could hear the wall clock ticking. Zayne rushes to where MC was sitting, disregarding your presence next to her. His knees could no longer hold his body weight as he came crashing down to MC, his head on her lap, arms around her waist. There are no tears, no words spoken yet in that silence, it was loud, blaring even. An earth-shattering realization hits you as the two of them are lost in their own world. Witnessing the event unfolds, you feel somehow your right to be near them has been revoked. You walked away. Your heart aches once more, upon fate, upon a clear future that you know will unravel on its own, whether you like it or not. It feels as if a prophecy is being retold once again.
As you walk out from the infirmary, making your way to reconvene with other Hunters, two taps on your shoulder, making their presence behind you known to you. You turned your back and saw Caleb, in his uniform, looking as dashing as ever. “Caleb!” you squealed, hugging him once again. His chuckle vibrated across his body, making you snuggle into him even more, not wanting to let go. Oh how you missed this, more than you would like to admit. “Woah woah someone really missed me huh” he teases. You looked up, with tears brimming up. Caleb swifts his thumbs across your waterline, erasing the tears before it could cascade across our beautiful face, staring into your eyes inherently. His hands cradled your face and naturally you placed yours on top of his. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here now. You’re alright. We’re alright” he reassures. His reliance was still there. So many things have happened in a short time yet you’re relieved that familiarity knocked into your life once more. “I know there’s a lot of questions in your head right now but I’ll explain everything later. I’ll find you once I’m done with my work. You’ll have all of me soon enough”. You nod and hesitantly distance yourself from him, continuing your steps to your meeting.
The tranquility of Skyhaven skyline adorns your view, calming the chaos residing in your heart right now. So many questions now after you cleared up your head. As if on cue, Caleb’s voice chimes in your space. “There you are”. You glance sideways, a gesture to acknowledge his presence. “What actually happened Caleb. Tell me. Please”, you pose the question. Caleb sighs, breathing the air deeply. You patiently wait for his response with zero expectations. Nothing can shock you more than seeing the dead come back to life. “I cannot give you in full details but it was a necessary step. A precaution before things take turns for the worse. Much worse. But we were lucky, I would say. Grandma didn’t make it”. Caleb explains briefly. You were unsatisfied with the answer but understand Caleb’s position. Being a colonel, no task comes easy and information is highly classified. “I get that but you could at least let us know earlier or right after you know? Grieving was not easy Caleb. You should see what Zayne was like for the first few weeks.” as you recalled Zayne’s horrible state. A scene that you wish you never have to witness ever again. Zayne totally collapsed. Your friend who was known to not wear his emotions out, stoic and cold from his coworkers, crumbled. He wasn’t able to clock in for the first week, barely goes out and eats. You had to force food and liquid down his throat just so that he would not die due to starvation and dehydration, even though it felt like grief would take him first.
You were there at every step of the way through his grief, not once complaining. Zayne’s existence becomes your center as you deal with Zayne’s antics. Once he’s well enough to go to work, he picked up three to four double shifts every week, in hopes the work will drown the thoughts of MC, making him breathe even just a little bit. He shuts you out. Didn’t pick up your calls, read your texts, but somehow still sees your stories that you post. At times, you felt like you lost three people instead of two. You felt as if Zayne was also fading away from your life, so you became reckless in your missions afterwards. Diving head first before anything, fighting everything. In a way, that was your release as well. You tried to ground yourself for Zayne’s sake but no one held you when it mattered. Until an unfortunate timing, a Wanderer slashed your whole arm, your muscles torn so deeply you swore you almost saw your bones poking through the view. Xavier killed off the Wanderer then ripped off his shirt, tying your arms, hoping to reduce the blood loss. You were in and out of consciousness and before you knew it, everything went black.
You woke up to a sterile ceiling, lights blaring into your vision, trying to adjust yourself to the current space. A hospital. That’s the only thing your mind can make up the room you are in. You tried to recall your last memory, albeit a bit hazy. A dragging sound made you whip your head to the sound, and you stared in disbelief. Zayne stood up and walked towards you. He takes your vitals and notes down in your chart before returning back to just Zayne, not a doctor but an old friend. You almost cried seeing the scene unfold and Zayne picked it up. He held your hand and met your eyes with full solace. “Please, I beg you, please, never do that again. I don’t think I can make it if you’re gone as well”. Those words were enough. It’s not even a love declaration but it was enough to make you choose to tread through those waters. It was one-sided, God you know it all too well yet you chose him again and again.
After resting up a few days in Skyhaven and patching things up for the mission, it’s time to return to Linkon. You pack your stuff in the quiet of the night, before you hear a knock on the door. You weren’t expecting anyone but you guessed it was just Caleb or MC but no, it is Zayne. “Can I come in?”. You nod and open the door wider, letting him into your room. You sit at the edge of the bed while Zayne fiddles around the decorations in the room, hoping those trinkets would ease the choked up words in his throat. You sit there silently, curiously. You haven’t seen this side of Zayen before. “I’m thinking of staying here, at Skyhaven” he broke the silence, eyes still on the trinkets. Your eyes widened, not entirely sure how to respond, surely baffled by his statement. “What do you mean by “staying”?. “As in, staying here permanently, at least for now. Maybe take a break from the hospital and help the station here”. You don’t like to pry too much on Zayne but if you don’t do it now, you feel like you would lose him forever. “Are you saying you want to abandon your job at Akso?”. “In a sense, yes, though my position won’t get affected too much. Think of it as a long-term volunteer mission here instead”. You couldn’t believe your ears. You know Zayne is a very realistic person so when he responded with a mediocre reasoning, you couldn’t wrap your head around it. Actually, no. It’s not that you couldn’t, you don’t want to. “Just spit out the real reason, Zayne," you replied. Zayne sighs and finally looks at you. “You know the answer yourself, y/n. I don’t think I need to spell this one out”. You can feel your heart starting to crack but you pushed through your overthinking. “No, I do not. Not until you tell me straight up”. “I don’t think I can be apart from MC anymore. I need her in my life. The universe gave me another chance to win her back. I will not let her slip away again. Not the second time. Never again”. Before you could fight back, he cuts your thoughts “This is goodbye y/n. I thank you for what you did to me and I could never repay what you have done but I don’t think I could ever live my life in Linkon, knowing she’s here. I will stay beside her, every step of the way. I wish you safe travels tomorrow”. He pats your shoulder and gives it a firm squeeze, before excusing himself out from your room.
An excruciating painful silence engulfs the room and here you are, sitting there alone, left to your own spiraling thoughts. The storm suddenly stops and you are left with a still ship, in the middle of the ocean, pitch black with no winds catching in your sails. You can feel yourself drifting away, allowing the darkness to swallow you whole. What use of a ship journeying further if the destination ashore has submerged itself in ashes. You know what you’re getting yourself into but it did not make it easier. Finally, the tears fell but only this time, once again, no one was there to catch it. You storm off out of the room to wherever your body takes you but you fail to notice that Zayne witnesses your escapade. He knows he could lay it out better, softer even. You have always been there for him, throughout all of the highs and lows but he also knows he can’t betray where his heart lies. He knows he can’t choose you out of obligation, as repayment for what you have done to him. He would be eternally grateful to you but his heart rests upon someone else.