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Langa’s first kiss happened during New Years at a family friend's house.
He had to be about six or seven, roughly the same age as the girl who kept following him around with a fairy mistletoe ornament she had gotten for Christmas. Instead of celebrating one of his favorite holidays, he ended up spending most of it running away as she relentlessly chased him, trying to corner him all the while her parents laughed at the 'cute' scene.
Langa remembers his parents tried to intervene, telling her he didn’t like it, which would cause her to stop for a little while. However, the break never lasted long. Soon after being lectured, she would start chasing him again.
Towards the end of the night, she caught him.
She had blocked the door to the bathroom, telling him she wouldn't let him go until they kissed. He tried to get around her to go to another bathroom, but the narrow hallway made it impossible and eventually he gave in.
When it was over with, she danced around giggling before quickly moving on to another victim to kiss, leaving Langa to hide in the bathroom until his dad found him.
He had rustled Langa's hair before hugging him.
"Kissing is stupid." he had mumbled into his dad's shoulder
"Langa, you’re allowed to say no." he said, squeezing Langa a little tighter.
Before they left for home, his parents somehow made her apologize for tormenting him, as well as for the unwanted kiss. It made him feel a little better and he knew his dad was right.
He could say no.
The only issue was that no one ever really bothered to ask.
The second time made him realize something.
It was during science class in his third year of middle school. Langa had his head resting on the table, zoning out as he waited for the teacher to stop talking so he could hurry up and get his daily participation credits.
While the teacher was still droning on, the girl next to him had tapped his shoulder. Assuming it had something to do with their group assignment, Langa turned his head towards her and, as soon as he did, she leaned in and kissed him.
He quickly shoved her away with enough force to push her into another student. The sticky feeling of her lip-gloss made him grimace as the guys at his table cheered while she nervously laughed.
The commotion was quickly cut short as the teacher yelled at them for disrupting class and Langa ended up not getting his participation credit due to refusing to help with the group.
When the bell rang, the girl blocked his way and quickly mumbled out an excuse.
"Sorry, my friends dared me."
"It's fine."
Langa had felt like shit for the rest of the day, unable to shake the feeling of her overly glossy lips on his own while the guys in his grade were teasing or congratulating him. By the time school let out, his bottom lip was bleeding, dry and abused by him subconsciously rubbing his sleeve over his lips throughout the day.
It wasn't too long after that incident that Langa figured out that he would probably never like it if a girl kissed him. At that point, his classmates had already started pointing out different girls in their grade, talking about their bodies or how an actress they liked was topless in a movie or whatever.
He knew he should probably act like them, should probably notice the things they did about a girl and get as excited, but he really didn't care.
He did notice few of the guys in his school.
It was always the loud ones who would constantly laugh or get into trouble. A lot of them had really nice smiles, but the one that was his favorite had braces. It was always kind of cute whenever he would show off the new colored bands he got for them. One day, Langa wondered what that would have felt like, what it would have been like to feel the little scraping of braces against his lips instead of lip-gloss. He brushed off the image at first, chalking it up to a random runway thought. However, it came back in full force months later when his classmate finally had his braces taken off. Langa had found himself staring as he constantly ran his tongue over his teeth for the rest of the day. The first time Langa had watched him do that, eyes focused on the little flash of tongue, he pictured him doing that to Langa's own teeth.
The thought made his face flush and his chest feel warm.
Part of Langa was a little conflicted, but mostly he felt weirdly relieved by the realization. It was was like sliding the last puzzle piece into place.
Langa was sure his parents wouldn't care if he was gay, but something in the back of his head told him to keep it a secret. So, he stayed quiet. If they asked, he would probably tell the truth, but until then, he would rather pretend things haven't changed.
The third time ended with him getting detention.
During the final months of middle school, the teachers had forced his grade into putting on some school play for the elementary students. It felt like a way to both torture them before going to high school while teaching the younger kids some moments of Canada's history.
Which also probably felt like torture to the little kids, too.
At first, Langa thought he was one of the lucky ones. He didn't have any lines and the most he had to do was open a fake door and try not to melt under the bright stage lights. The only major downside was the amount of makeup he had to wear in order to make him look like some old man.
On the day of the play, his eyes wouldn't stop watering whenever the teacher got anywhere near them with the eyeliner. He didn't know why his eyes reacted like that, but it was causing him to instinctively rub his face, ruining most the work and making his teacher have to fix the makeup around his eyes. It put them both into viscous cycle neither of them wanted to be apart of.
Eventually, one girl volunteered to help out so that the teacher could focus on other things. Langa didn't really trust her skills that much. She was the same girl from one of his classes that would constantly forget things and always asked him to lend her something.
He figured with his luck she would end up forgetting something to do on his face to the point where the teacher would have to restart again. However, the longer she worked on his face, the more relaxed he got. She wasn't as heavy-handed as their teacher, and it was actually starting to feel nice.
Just as she finished his eyeliner, she kissed him.
"I really like you so, um, do you wanna go out to the movies or something?"
"No, sorry."
Langa tried to get up and walk away but she had quickly put her hands on his shoulders, keeping him in place and reminding him of the annoying girl from when he was little.
"I thought you liked me?"
"...I don't even know your name."
"But...you always let me borrow your pencils?"
"So?"
Langa didn't really care if his blunt words bothered her. He just wanted to get away and once again moved to sit up. He probably should have tried to get away faster. It would have prevented him from getting slapped hard enough to leave a mark as she yelled at him for being a jerk. It stung like hell and had made rubbing the make-up off his face a pain, but he refused to leave the bathroom until all of it was gone. In the end, he went home without telling anyone.
Despite the fact he had such a small role, his teacher still found it necessary to give Langa detention for leaving school and refusing to take part in the play. When he told the teacher about the girl, they had informed Langa that he should have gotten a teacher instead of just leaving.
When his parents found out, they tried to get the school to drop his punishment, but since he ditched school, their arguments were ignored.
At least she stopped asking him for supplies.
The fourth time was during a dance he never wanted to go to.
A girl a grade above him had asked Langa to the dance while he was at the grocery store. He would have said no if his mom wasn't there. She had looked so excited about the idea it made him feel guilty.
His mom had spent far too long finding him something nice to wear that would match his date's dress and put so much product in his hair that when his dad tried to ruffle it, his hair only crunched a little and refused to move.
The whole time Langa was at the dance, he just wished he was back home, and his date noticed it. Both she and her friends kept commenting on his mood or how he didn't want to dance with them. It wasn't until a slow dance that he finally gave in and let her physically dragged him to the middle of the gym. However, as soon as they started to sway, she took the chance to kiss him.
He was able to turn away in time, but she was still able to get the corner of his mouth. It had been enough to make his mood go from bored to annoyed. He had quickly stopped dancing with her and refused to get up from his chair, despite how much she kept pestering him. Eventually, she gave up and moved in on another guy from his class named Dylan.
He was always loud and causing trouble, but due to him being one of the school's best athletes, he could get away with a lot of stuff others would get detention for.
He probably could have gotten out of detention for skipping a school play.
Langa only really knew Dylan because he would often try to get Langa to join the soccer team or whatever other sport was in season, but Langa had always turned him down.
It wasn't as if Langa didn't like most of the sports Dylan had tried to get him to join, hell he was pretty good at them, but Langa just wanted to spend time with his dad on the slopes.
By the time his mom had picked him up, his date had gotten into trouble with the teachers for making out with Dylan.
As soon as he opened the door, she had asked him about the dance before frowning.
"Where's Cassie?"
Langa just shrugged, trying to ignore his mom's worried expression.
"Does she still need a ride?"
He thought about it for just a moment before shaking his head. His mom still waited for another minute before eventually pulling out of the school parking lot.
"Did you have fun?"
"Not really."
He probably should have lied, but he was just too tired.
His mom never pressured him to go to a school event after that.
The fifth time happened a month before his dad died.
The school had thrown a little event organized by the seniors.
No one knew why the school allowed them to plan anything. Each year, they always found a way to slip in a few questionable games.
The only reason why Langa had started to take part in some of the games was because he could earn tickets for each one he played and double if he won, and there was a plasma ball that he really wanted.
While waiting for skee-ball to become available, he had been pulled into joining a weird card game.
He couldn't remember the name, most likely they made it up on the spot, but the rules were simple: draw a card and do what it says. If you do you get a ticket but if you refuse you lose one. Most of what it asked you to do were harmless, which was how Langa ended up sitting in a circle with his classmate with a new ticket and his shirt inside out.
"Man, kinda hoped it'd tell you to join the basketball team or something," Dylan said, taking a set next to him.
"Why would it say that?"
Dylan just shrugged while drawing a card. He stared at it for a while before turning to the girl sitting on the other side of him and kissing her on the cheek.
Langa didn't know why that kind of card was in the deck, but he was just glad that he was spared from being kissed in front of his classmates again.
It only took until the event was half way over for Langa to win his plasma ball. While he waited for his dad to pick him up, Langa had zoned out while he scrolled through his phone. He ignored the sound of the heavy doors to the gym opening, letting out the loud sound of music and his classmates yelling, before it was muffled again.
A few seconds later, he heard footsteps before Dylan appeared beside him.
Langa couldn't really remember what Dylan talked to him about, but after a few minutes, he tapped Langa on the shoulder. Tucking his phone into his coat pocket, Langa turned to look at Dylan only for the other boy to bring a hand up behind Langa's neck to pull him into a kiss.
Langa hadn't hesitated in bringing a hand up to push Dylan away.
His classmate didn't seem offended by the rejection, keeping his hand behind Langa's neck as his fingers played with the tag of his shirt peeking out from his coat
"Your shirt is still inside out."
"I know."
An awkward silence grew between the two of them before he finally pulled his hand away from Langa.
"You're gay, right?"
"Sorry?"
"Well, aren't you? I mean, you've never really gone out with anyone, and I know you've been asked out before. You even ditched Cassie after she kissed you"
"That's because she didn't ask."
"Ah," Dylan rubbed the back of his neck, looking down a little sheepishly as he mumbled. "Sorry."
Langa hated that he could feel his face heat up when Dylan looked back up at him and took a step closer to Langa. For a split second, Langa started to take a step away before stopping, making the other boy laugh.
"Look, I get it."
"Get it?"
"Yea, took me a bit too. So, give me a text or something if you ever figure things out. You still have my number, right?"
Langa hadn’t quite known what to say. He'd already figured it out at that point.
Not knowing what to say, Langa just gave a small nod and Dylan flashed him a perfect smile before turning around to run back into the gym. Langa pulled his phone out of his pocket again but didn't unlock it, just stared down at the black screen.
He wished Dylan had asked first.
When his dad finally came, he had to honk to get Langa's attention, drawing him out of his thoughts. He wasn't surprised that even before they had even pulled out of the parking lot, his dad had picked up on something being off.
"Another boring party, eh Kiddo?"
"Not really." he shrugged before holding up his prize. "I won a plasma ball."
His dad smiled at that and congratulated him on the small accomplishment before continuing to drive, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel to the beat of the song from one of his old cds.
"Dad."
"Mh?"
"I don't-I don't think I'll ever…I don't wont girls to kiss me."
Langa kept his face turned towards the window, cringing at the mess of words he had just forced out. He wasn't even sure why but he had the sudden urge to say something, anything to let his dad finally know. He watched the streetlights as they passed by and tried his best to not look at his dad's reflection in the window. His little confession had made his stomach twist to the point it hurt, and he wanted to crawl into a hole and die. But then he felt a hand on his head, warm and heavy, ruffling his hair and his whole body suddenly relaxed.
"I know."
Langa lazily tried to fix his hair while stealing a glance at his dad. He looked just as he normally did, no hint of judgment or anything that would make Langa regret his words. If anything, he looked happy.
"Hey, how about we get some A&W on the way home?"
"Really?"
"Really really. Text your mom and ask see what she wants."
Smiling, Langa quickly fished his phone out of his pocket, feeling a lot lighter than he had in a few minutes ago.
Langa wasn’t sure he’ll ever get used to summers in Okinawa, he nearly died on the spot when he saw Reki wearing a hoodie and almost walked right into the water when his friend informed him it was actually cool out.
The people here are crazy.
It had been miserably humid that day, making everything wet and causing the breeze to feel warm which felt illegal. Even with the sun setting it still felt like the afternoon sun was beating down on them, the blue cement ledge in the skate park warm as they sat for a moment to watch a clip Miya had sent them.
Well, Langa was watching it. Reki was too distracted by a noise coming from a couple passing by.
"I swear that guy is a Joe wannabe."
"Shadow?"
"What? Dude, no-I mean...kind of?" Reki says with a hint of a laugh.
Langa smiles as he feels Reki settle back down next to him, his legs stretching out next to Langa's. "I mean the guy that just walked by. He graduated last year and every time I see him, I swear he's with a different girl."
"Doesn’t complaining make you a wannabe, too?" Langa teases while bumping his foot against Reki's
"Dude, harsh," Reki grumbles, bumping his foot right back before sighing. "Still, dates are nice."
"You've been on one?" Langa asks, trying to ignore the fact that Reki is now keeping his foot resting against Langa's.
"Why are you surprised?"
"What about skating?"
Reki hums in a questioning tone as he sips some of his soda. His foot is rubbing against his, the souls of his shoe rubbing Langa's shoe laces.
"All you do is go to school, work and skate."
"Hey, I also build boards."
"That just helps prove my point."
"What point?"
"That you wouldn't have time."
"Yea well...that might be why it didn't really last." he scratches the back of his neck while mumbling the last part.
Langa tries to picture it, Reki going on a date with a girl.
Did she look like the one on the boat? He didn't deny it when Miya said that was Reki's type, so she might have.
Did he try to take her skating or did they go out for ice cream?
Did...
"Did you kiss?" the question slips out before he can stop it.
Reki groans, looking away. "Dude, don't make me depressed." Langa nearly apologizes before Reki suddenly wipes his head around to look at Langa. "Wait, have you?"
Langa feels like something is stuck in his throat and considers if he should lie or not. Part of him really didn't want to count those past kisses as real, but...
He nods
"Huh, well, guess that makes sense for The Prince."
"Reki, you're the only one that calls me that."
"Not true."
Langa sighs, at this point he wasn't sure if Reki was joking or not.
"They happened back in Canada."
"They? How many is 'they'?" it was hard to hear towards the end, his words becoming muffled as finishes the last of his soda.
"Five."
The last of Reki's soda gets caught in his throat, making him cough as some dribbles down his chin.
Langa mumbles an "ew" at the same time Reki yells "Five! You've kissed five girls?"
"…no."
"No? Is this a language barrier thing or something? Or do you mean times?"
"It was five people."
"Help me out here." Reki says while laughing and holds up five fingers, making Langa smile a little at the bright band aids covering two of them. One has stars on it.
"How many girls have you kissed?"
Langa's small smile slips away as he feels his stomach twist up. It would be so easy to lie here. Say he misunderstood, and that it was five girls. But Reki is his best friend and he didn't want to lie to him. Besides, they've talked about Cherry and Joe before, both joking about how they act like an old married couple, and Reki once called their fighting flirting.
Reki wouldn't mind, right?
Langa slowly reaches out and awkwardly puts Reki's thumb down.
"Four girls."
It takes only a moment before it seems to click as that dreaded realization spreads over Reki's face. Langa has to look away, focusing on his own hands as he makes tiny little indents with his nails against his own soda can.
The band-aid over his thumb has a smiley face.
"So…one was a guy?"
He has gotten better at speaking Japanese, yet he can't find any words to say.
So he nods.
"Do you like both?"
At first, he just shakes his head before finally finding his voice again.
"Just guys."
His voice is probably probably too quiet for Reki to hear but he must have understood because Langa hears him let out a little "Oh."
Langa finally understands what people meant when they said silence could sound loud. It’s making his stomach do that weird jumping thing like whenever his dad would hit a bump on the road when he was a little kid. But this time, it didn't make him want to smile and laugh.
He feels like he’s going to throw up.
The silence is finally broken by the sound of Reki scratching his head and Langa whispers.
"Is that okay?"
"What? I mean, yea dude. Why wouldn't it be?"
Langa relaxed his hold on the can, feeling Reki bumping his shoulder with his.
"Honestly, I'm a little jealous."
"That I like guys?" Langa finally looks up in time to see Reki rolling his eyes.
"No, that you've kissed before."
"Why?"
"'caus I haven't!" Reki gives a dramatic sigh that finally gets Langa to smile. "I got close once, but I chickened out."
"chickened out?"
"You know, got-"
"Reki, I know what that means."
"Hey, not my fault that you repeat when you don't know a word."
"I don't do that."
"ah-uh, suurrreee."
It was Langa's turn to bump his shoulder into Reki's, nearly knocking him to the ground.
"Why didn't you." Langa asked before Reki could retaliate.
"Was worried I was going to suck, and after that she got pissed that I said no and it just went down hill from there...hey wait!" he shoves himself right up against Langa and smiles with the a little mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
"You're the expert. Can you show me?"
Langa nearly crushes the can in his hand.
"…what?"
Reki causally throws his arm over Langa's shoulder and shakes him, clearly oblivious to the slight shock he has just sent Langa into. "Come on, show me how it's done, Prince Hasegawa." Reki says, wiggling his eyebrows and Langa is torn between blushing and bristling at the nickname.
This has to be a dream. He just told Reki, his best friend and, as corny as it sounds, first love, that he likes guys and is now asking Langa to show him how to kiss.
Does that mean he wants to kiss him?
How else would Langa show him?
Wait...someone was actually asking him first?
"...right now?"
"Unless you're too busy?" Reki jokes and then smirks, making Langa's eyes focus on his lips.
Langa was so screwed if this was going to be a one-time thing.
His nod is probably a little too enthusiastic, but Reki didn't seem to mind all that much as Langa reaches out and places his hand on the back of Reki's neck. He misses the confused look on Reki's face as he closes his eyes. Before he could even really lean in, he feels a hand over his mouth.
"Dude!" Reki squeaks out as Langa's eyes fly open, showing him a very red and flustered looking Reki.
"You said show you." Langa says, voice muffled by Reki's hand.
"As in talk about it, not demonstrate it!"
His stomach drops. Why was Japanese so hard!
"Sorry!" Langa yelps while shoving himself away.
"It's...it's fine."
"It's really not. I'm so sorry!"
"Your Canadian is showing."
"Sorry?"
Langa doesn’t know why, but that makes Reki laugh.
"I said it's fine, so it's fine! Language barriers and all that. Probably did make it sound like I asked you to...yea." Reki shrugs and Langa has a feeling that he was forcing himself to sound calm about it, mostly due to the fact his face is still so red. "Besides, it wouldn't have been a big deal or anything, so it's cool."
Langa blinks a few times as he prepossesses what Reki had just said. Once it fully clicks he slowly moves closer to him again.
"So, you wouldn't have mind?"
"Mind what?"
"If I had kissed you?"
He can feel Reki tense up a little before shrugging, making his shoulder rub against Langa's.
"I thought you like girls?"
Reki just shrugs again before taking in a deep breath, holding it for a second, and then letting it out.
"If I were to say I'd want to, can we still be friends?" Reki asks in a rush and Langa will actually murder someone if this turns out to be a dream.
"If want to, I'd like to be more than friends."
Langa has to lean back a little as Reki whips his face around to look at Langa.
"Really?"
"Really. So, can I?"
"Can you what?"
"Can I kis-" Langa is starting to get a little annoyed with Reki putting a hand over his mouth. They were just as sweaty as his.
"Not so loud!"
Odd, coming from the one yelling, Langa doesn't say.
"There's no one else around," he says instead, after prying Reki's hand away from his mouth.
Reki doesn't argue, he just sighs and sands up. Langa gives him a questioning look but doesn't get any answer as Reki uses the hand Langa is still holding to help haul him up to his feet and leads him over to the ramp, pulling them both behind it and away from view of the sidewalk.
For a moment, they both just stare.
"Hey."
"Hi."
"So, you really wanna?" Reki asks and Langa's heart races like he's in the middle of a beef.
He nods and Reki nods back before leaning in.
It's a very quick kiss.
Took quick. A blink and it's over a kind of fast peck on the lips.
Each time he had been kissed before, Langa had either felt angry, frustrated, or confused. This made him feel like he had just hit a high jump, his stomach flipping and heart racing.
"Your face is so red, you look like a tako." says the guy whose face now matches his hair.
"Again."
"What?"
"I wasn't ready. Do it again."
"Wait-how?! You knew it was going to happen!"
"I just-I didn't expect it to feel...nice?"
Reki tilts his head, a complicated look crossing his features before he quickly seems to push it away in favor of teasing.
"Ask me nicely, and I will."
"Can you please kiss me again?"
"...dude." mumbled the guy whose face is now somehow redder than his hair.
Even his ears are red.
"You told me to-"
"I know what I-just-fine!"
"You don't have too-"
"Neversaidthatshutup."
Langa is sure Reki could feel him smiling in the next peck and it's just as nice as the last one, if not better.
"Again, please." he ask as soon as the kiss breaks.
Reki huffs a laugh. "Weren't you the one who supposed to be 'showing' me how to kiss?"
Langa shrugs but he suppose Reki is right, so he brings up a hand to rest on the back of Reki's neck and pulls him in for another kiss.
At least this way it will last longer.
It feels really nice, so much better than a quick kiss as their lips moved awkwardly against each other in the sweetest way, both trying to figure out a rhythm that isn't so clumsily. Langa has no clue what to do with his free hand while Reki's seems to instantly find their way to Langa's hips. One of his thumbs finds its way under his shirt and touches his skin causing a shiver to run down his spine. Langa just knows he noticed his reaction, why else would Reki keep brushing over the skin there.
At least Langa can feel Reki's heart hammering under his hand, matching his own as he suddenly realizes he can taste the soda Reki had been drinking. It makes Langa give in and dart his tongue out to touch Reki's lips. It caused Reki to jump the tiniest bit but it's enough to make them both start to laugh. They try to keep kissing after that but find it impossible with how much they're smiling and Langa breaks the kiss to hug him. He buries his face into the side of Reki's neck, letting the soft fabric of his well loved hoodie rub against his cheek as he sneezes him.
"This makes us more than friends now, right?" Reki asks around a nervous laugh and Langa nods his head from where it's still refused to leave its spot on his shoulder.
Reki's laugh goes from nervous back to giddy as he mumbles. "Wow, okay, cool cool cool." and he returns the hug with equal fierceness.
They stay like that for a while and Langa doesn't even care that hugging like this is making him all sweaty, became Reki has also buried his face into Langa's shoulder making it so he can feel Reki's smile against his skin. Soon, Reki starts swaying them side to side and mumbles something about going for ice cream tomorrow. Langa feels his face start to hurt from how much he's smiling.
Okay, so, maybe kissing isn't so bad after all.