Archive of Our Own ^beta

The soft sound of rain outside the window had stopped, leaving behind only the memory of its melody and the pleasant, earthy smell that followed.

Tsujinaka Yoshiki took a deep breath, enjoying its freshness as his eyes fixed on the half-written sheet of paper in his lap.

It was safe to say there were a lot of things on his mind lately.

The village’s mysterious past, the haunted mountains, the curses, spirits, and impurities – whatever they truly were. The rifts to the realm of the dead that still needed closing. And whatever else this summer had yet to bring... all of it had somehow fallen onto him, whether he wanted it or not.

Naturally, none of it was helping him focus on something as petty as summer homework.

Not even mentioning the biggest distraction of them all. Because yes, despite all of the recent events, nothing lingered on Yoshiki's mind quite as much as the white-haired boy lying on the floor of his room, reading Master+Master.

“I can feel yer starin’, ya know?” mumbled Indou Hikaru, eyes still on the manga. “What, wanna sleep already? I thought it was okay if I finished the volume.”

“No… it’s alright. Ya can read it through,” Yoshiki replied, quickly looking away, slightly embarrassed his staring had been noticed.

“Heh, ya been lookin’ at me a whole lot lately... I’m startin’ to think ya might like me or somethin’.” Hikaru flashed a crooked grin and playfully nudged Yoshiki’s thigh with his foot – the only part of him he could reach from his spot on the tatami floor. “Stop it, or I’ll get the wrong idea.”

“Pfft, in yer dreams,” scoffed the dark-haired boy, pushing Hikaru’s leg away. “Are ya even reading that? Or just pretending?”

“I am!” Hikaru rolled onto his back, holding the comic above him, squinting at the panels from arm’s length. “But this part’s kinda weird, ya know? I don't think I get it.”

“Which one? Ya on the competition arc, right? It’s as straightforward as it gets.”

“Yeah, but I can’t figure out what’s motivating Ron anymore.” Hikaru closed his eyes and dropped the comic on his face like a makeshift curtain, clearly signaling he wouldn’t read another panel until this mystery was solved.

As silly as it was, Yoshiki held back grin.

“He’s all fired up, and for what? He doesn’t care about the prize or fame or anythin'. Is it about his relationship with Tsumo? I don’t really get their bond either…”

“It’s…” Yoshiki hesitated.

Few months earlier, he would joke how obvious it was – that Hikaru was just being dense again.

But by now he was kind of used to the fact that the boy beside him might actually have a good reason for not understanding this part of the story.

Because, well… he wasn’t a real boy, after all.

And how was an eldritch abomination – something that existed outside the realms of the living and the dead, an immortal monster with god-like powers and no physical form of its own, now inhabiting his dead friend’s body – supposed to understand the slight queer-coding in a shounen manga?

Yeah. Yoshiki realized it would actually be weirder if Hikaru got it.

“Well, fans have plenty of explanations…” Yoshiki started, trying to put the concept into words that the ancient being beside him could actually understand. “But ya could just say that Ron knows how important the competition is to Tsumo, and he wants to support someone who's close to him.”

“Yea, but why? They met not that long ago if ya think 'bout it. How can he be so… invested in him already?”

“Maybe…” Tsujinaka scratched his cheek awkwardly. “Okay. Try to imagine yerself as Ron. And if I were Tsumo… would ya help me?”

“Oh, absolutely! I thought ya already knew I’d do anythin' to support and protect ya, Yoshiki.” The movement of Hikaru’s face muscles made the comic slip from his face and close with a soft flutter. Indou let out a disapproving grumble and reached for it, flipping through the pages to find where he’d left off.

“There’s yer answer, then.”

Yoshiki lowered his head, letting his overly long bangs fall forward and obscure his eyes, doing their part to help conceal his embarrassment. No matter how many times he heard those words, he could never quite get used to how openly Hikaru spoke them.

Maybe it was because Hikaru, who wasn’t human, didn’t fully understand the weight of what he was saying. Or maybe it was because Yoshiki, withdrawn and guarded, could never speak about his own feelings so easily.

“But does that mean they like each other…?” Hikaru thankfully seemed more focused on the comic than on Yoshiki’s response. “They’re both fellas, though. Are they also that… el gee bee tea thing?”

His voice was so clueless that Yoshiki couldn’t tell if the question was making him more annoyed or amused. Though, he really didn’t feel like explaining it right now. For… many reasons.

“They might be. And it’s not ‘eel gee bee tea.’ It’s LGBT. Anyway, most books can’t outright say a character is homosexual, so we might never know.”

“Bein' homosexual in books is forbidden?”

Yoshiki turned his head away.

“Kind of.”

“Haha, ‘kind of’? Somethin' can’t be half-forbidden, half-okay…”

“Hikaru… drop it. I don’t feel like explaining.”

“A’ight, a’ight… sorray.”

But Yoshiki could see that the issue clearly didn’t leave Hikaru’s mind. Even after finding the page he’d left off on, he didn’t go back to reading. And it was true. Hikaru couldn't focus, he had a feeling that if he didn’t ask now, he might not get another chance.

Not because it was hard to bring up – Hikaru was known to speak his thoughts freely, often without hesitation. But he and Yoshiki still had holes to the other world to close, many questions to answear, and a village to protect…

And though Hikaru didn’t show it, he knew things were changing. Actually… this could very well be one of the last peaceful evenings they spent together for a while.

“But it really bugs me,” he said finally. “I dunno if I get this whole thing. 'Course, I notice differences between genders - but mostly ‘cause ya humans put so much attention on it. If it weren’t for that, I prolly wouldn’t even care. Why’s it such a big deal who ya love?”

All he got in response was a sigh.

“Is it 'bout reproduction? But it’s not like love is only 'bout that, right?”

Seeing there was no escape from the conversation, Yoshiki looked up from his barely started essay.

“Okay... well then. Would ya treat me differently if I were a girl?” he asked.

“Nah. Yer Yoshiki. That’s what’s important to me.” Hikaru smiled in his usual frisky, endearing way. “Though I guess we wouldn’t have PE together if that were the case, so I’m glad yer a dude.”

Yoshiki couldn’t help but smile. Just a little.

No, he didn’t understand Hikaru in every way – probably never would.

But sometimes… it was nice to have someone by his side who was so detached from society’s standards. It felt like a breath of a fresh air.

“An' what about ya, Yoshiki?”

Hikaru squinted his almond-shaped eyes, attempting another kick to his friend's thigh – but this time, the black-haired boy was ready and quickly pushed his foot away.

“Would it be different if I were a girl?”

“Dunno. I don't think so...?”

“What about the real Hikaru then? If he were a girl, would ya wanna date him?”

The question hung in the air, drifting somewhere between the dust particles and the scent of damp wood.

It lingered a moment too long. That kind of silence felt heavy, pressing down on the atmosphere, so Yoshiki turned his gaze away before answering.

“He wasn’t. So there’s no point thinkin' about it.”

Hikaru wasn’t great at reading people – but even he could tell that wasn’t a topic he should push. He even felt a kind of guilt for asking that question without thinking - he should’ve remembered the last time he asked Yoshiki about his feelings toward Hikaru. He knew it was still hard for him.

“…Hmm. If ya say so.”

He opened the manga again, but once more, couldn’t focus on the story. This time, he was the one sneaking glances at the other boy, who’d gone back to staring down at his homework, ignoring his gaze. Hikaru didn’t want to bother his friend again, but it didn’t feel right to him to leave the conversation hanging like that either.

“…Sorry for askin' those things, Yoshiki.”

Once again, the first response he received was a sigh. But this time, it didn’t sound frustrated at all.

“Don’t worry.” Yoshiki’s voice had calmed, and it felt sincere. “I know ya want to understand humans better. I hope ya know i'll always support it. It’s jus' that… sometimes, even humans don’t understand themselves.”

“Yeah, I noticed this ain’t easy for ya. But it ain’t like I got anyone else to ask...” Hikaru smiled – awkwardly, but genuinely. “An' I do wanna understand. Even just a little. I dunno how though, since it seems like I won’t find this kinda love in books…”

“‘This kinda love’? Ya mean… homosexual love?”

“Yeah. Since it’s ‘kind of forbidden,’ right?”

“Ya know, love between gay people isn’t much different from any other love,” said Yoshiki, finally deciding to put his homework aside. It seemed like he won't be able to work on it anyway. “It can be romantic or platonic, healthy or toxic, one-sided or mutual…”

Despite the patience in his voice, his eyebrows were furrowed in discomfort. But he wasn’t shutting the conversation down this time, and Hikaru appreciated that – appreciated that Yoshiki was bearing with him.

“So why’s it treated like somethin' bad?” Indou asked, genuinely puzzled.

“Who knows. Maybe people are just scared of dissidence.”

Dark-haired boy looked away again, with almost sheepish look on his face. Hikaru found that reaction quite intresting, but wasn't expecting his friend to push the conversation forward.

“Ya seem weirdly intrested in it, though.”

“These concepts are kinda… foreign to me,” Hikaru explained, finding himself nervously playing with a strand of white hair. “But it seems like I’m a dude. An' I do like the other dude. You, I mean. I’m not so sure if that’s just my feelin' or if it’s something left over from the real Hikaru… but I just know I care about ya. Yer my whole world, really...”

He paused, thoughtful.

“It’s not exactly romantic. Not exactly friendly or sexy either… It’s hard to put into words, really.”

Yoshiki wasn’t sure how to respond – just like always, when faced with his friend’s sincerity. So he just let Hikaru continue:

“I jus'… want to understand it all better. I wanna understand you better. An' other humans. Yer way of lovin'.”

The drizzle returned, soft but steady. It filled the silence, weaving its quiet melody across the roof and intensifying the scent of damp vegetation.

Yoshiki welcomed it. It softened the edges of the conversation, bought him a few more seconds to find the right words.

“It’s not like I can exactly make ya understand those feelings…” he said cautiously.

“But humans have their own ways of showin' affection, right? To make eachother feel good or show they care, or- ya know, all that stuff. Maybe if I experienced it…” He looked away, pink shade creeping onto his cheeks. “Maybe it'd be easier to figure out my own feelings, ya know?”

“Hikaru... what are ya asking me right now?”

A faint blush coloring Hikaru’s cheeks deepened, and this time he was the one who averted his gaze, pouting.

It wasn’t completely out of character, but Yoshiki still couldn’t believe his own ears. The more the meaning of those words sank in, the harder his heart began to pound.

“I mean… I’d just like to try understandin' this part of livin' a human life.” Hikaru tried to explain himself further.

“I get it, it's jus' that... yer asking for a lot, ya know?”

“Am I?” Hikaru finally looked back at his friend with a shy expression - one of the differences between Hikaru and Hikaru. Yoshiki realized he still wasn’t used to this sight. His childhood friend had never shown his vulnerability so openly.

“How can ya not know that?” he sighed.

“It’s jus' that… ya said it’s like with love in general, right?” Hikaru sounded confused. “But in some books or movies, people be kissin' and it’s this life-changing moment. An' in others, just a gesture – like in that thriller we watched. How am I s'posed to understand it when ya humans can’t even agree on what it means?”

“Ya…” Yoshiki scratched his neck nervously. “Heh, okay. Good point. I guess it’s not that straightforward after all... I think it depends on who are ya kissin'? And what feelings ya have toward them. The kiss might be just an action – what matters are the intentions behind it.”

“So… that means it’d be alright if we gave it a shot, right?”

Yoshiki’s heart skipped a beat.

“As a way to help ya understand those feelings?!” he asked, finding his voice much more panicked than he wanted to.

“As a way to understand them, yea.” Hikaru nodded seriously. “If it’s intentions that matter… then it should be okay, right? My intention is jus' to learn, after all.”

Yoshiki fell silent.

That familiar, crawling kind of fear was already threading its way into his mind.

Kissing Hikaru? Honestly, he barely survived the last close physical contact between them. And this… this would be entirely different.

But he had to admit – it’s not like he was exactly opposed to the idea.

Just anxious. Embarassed. Scared, even.

But despite all those alarms ringing in his head there was something… tempting about it.

He was drawn to Hikaru.

In many different ways, but that much was clear.

His mind just couldn't fully grasp all that contrasting feelings. At this point, their relationship was already layered with so much uncertainty, fear, grief, and guilt that just thinking about it felt like trying to swim through smoke. Should he really allow it get any more complicated?

Was it unhealthy? Yeah.

Was it dangerous? Oh, absolutely.

But to some extent Yoshiki had already accepted that he was probably just… messed up in the head. Because despite all of that – he was still unable to push Hikaru away. It wasn't only about the friend he lost that eventful winter anymore. Hikaru that layed beside him right now grew up on Yoshiki much more than he'd like to admit. Maybe even more than he feared him.

And the real question wasn’t whether Hikaru would mix his feelings into it.

It was whether Yoshiki could avoid doing the same.

But at this point, did that even matter?

He swallowed the tangle of worries rising in his throat. His voice still sounded uncertain, but his words were firm:

“Only as a practice, a'right? So ya can really understand human love better.”

The white-haired boy nodded gaily.

“As a lesson, yeah! It doesn’t have to be a kiss, if ya don’t like that. Surely there are other ways of showin' affection, right...? Wait– don’t make that face!”

Yoshiki covered his expression with his hand, shaking his head.

“I just can’t believe ya.”

Hikaru stood up, placing the comic book down with the finished pages facing the floor. Then he climbed into the bed where Yoshiki was sitting, grabbing his friend's hands and pulling them away from his face.

“What-?”

“Yer makin’ fun of me, Yoshiki,” the boy accused – though the silly expression on his face made it hard to take him seriously.

“Yer actually serious about this?”

“What’s wrong with that? I do want to understand. Who else am I s'posed to ask?”

“Oh… no. Don’t ask anyone else.”

Knowing what ya are, Yoshiki thought to himself, that would most likely be that person's last kiss ever...

“Okay, but…” Tsujinaka carefully slipped his hands free from the other boy's grip. “I have a few conditions.”

“Huh?!”

“Oh, calm down.” He sighed. “Turn the light off first. It’s gettin' late, an' my parents might get nosy if it stays on too long. We wouldn't want that, right?”

He said 'we', but Yoshiki knew it was mostly about himself.

Truthfully, it wasn’t just about his family. It was, of course - the very thought of being nabbed made him nauseous, but Yoshiki also simply preferred the dimness. The glow from the window was enough to see, but shadows worked like his bangs – they gave him somewhere to hide, even just a little, even if Hikaru could probably see better than a cat in the dark. For him, it was about reassurance, not concealment.

“'Kay, that's valid.”

Hikaru got up and quickly fulfilled the request. Moving through the dim light seemed to pose no challenge for him. While Yoshiki’s eyes needed a moment to adjust, the other boy found his way back without delay.

“How’d ya like that?” he grinned, settling once again in his favorite spot between Yoshiki’s parted legs. It was a familiar, comforting position – they often sat like that when just hanging out. But, it felt much less casual now. “Any other requests?”

“I do have one more...”

“What’s it?” Hikaru asked, his voice almost curious.

Yoshiki took a deeper breath, trying to put his request into words.

“I’d prefer it if ya... kept yer true form at bay. Is that alright?”

Just as those words left his mouth, Hikaru backed off slightly.

“…Does it still scare ya?” he asked, his tone shifting into something much more concearned. “Or ya find it... nasty?”

Yoshiki immadiately shook his head.

“I don’t think it throws me off anymore,” he said honestly, noting how worried the Hikaru's voice had gotten. “Maybe it still scares me a bit, yeah... But it’ll probably always be a scary. That’s alright.”

The white-haired boy hesitated. He looked away, mumbling under his breath.

“I know it's disgustin'. And lookin' back at what I've already done to ya... Actually, maybe it ain't the best idea. I don't wanna force myself on ya again...”

“I said it’s alright, didn’t I?” Yoshiki offered a small, but calming smile. “Yer not forcin' anythin'. It’s just that if you wanna know how humans show affection, we’ve got to do it... the human way. That’s what I figured.”

“Oh! Okay, then.” Concern lingered in his voice, but a soft grin returned to Hikaru's face. His eyes roamed gently over Yoshiki’s features. There was no familiar reddish glow in his wide pupils now, yet something in Yoshiki still found himself helplessly drawn to that stare, as though searching for a light that wasn’t there.

“I’ll control myself, so… please, teach me about all of it, Yoshiki!”

“Don’t – ugh, yer being freaky again,” Yoshiki muttered, feeling his face flush. “Back on track quickly, aren’t ya?”

“I’m not! I mean it.” Hikaru leaned closer, as if to prove he was serious through proximity. He achieved some effect, but most likely different from what he intended. “I wanna try it too – if you’ll show me how.”

“What even makes ya think I know anythin'?”

“Well, aren't you a human yerself?”

“But… it’s not like I’m that experienced or anythin'…” Yoshiki admitted, and as if the dimness wasn’t enough anymore, he lowered his head to hide behind his bangs.

Hikaru chuckled and gently took his friend’s hands into his own. Yoshiki flinched, and the younger boy paused - checking if it was alright - before softly tracing his fingers over his palm.

Neither of them pulled away. Even when Hikaru leaned in closer again, bringing their faces into full view of each other.

“I s’ppose we might both learn somethin' new then, right?”

“What–” Yoshiki inhaled sharply. Even though his movements were awkward, he returned the touch, brushing his fingertips across Hikaru's skin.

It felt familiar.

Nothing had changed since the last time he held his hands. They were still pleasantly warm, the skin soft, bones easy to feel beneath the surface. He could trace the veins, feel the pulse next to the thumb – and even though this body was technically dead, there was nothing in the way it felt that gave it away.

“What… would ya want to do then?” he finished, picking up the sentence he’d started earlier.

“Oh… good question. What do ya do when ya love someone?”

Yoshiki was really starting to wonder if Hikaru was acting this clueless on purpose.

Hadn’t he always been weirdly touchy with him? Honestly, Hikaru was always more openly affectionate than Yoshiki was. Or than the real Hikaru. Or anyone Yoshiki had ever met, really.

“I ain’t exactly the best person to ask...” Yoshiki began carefully. “Uh, I think the way humans show affection depends on the person. Some of us express it through touch, others through words, or actions. I s'pose there are… many ways.”

“So, how do ya show yer affection, Yoshiki?”

“…I’m not particularly good at it.” He turned his eyes away again.

“Ya must have some way,” mumbled Hikaru quietly, taking Yoshiki's palm and gently guiding his hand higher – urging him to explore more of his bare arm with that human touch.

“...What are you doin' now?”

“Experimentin'. Just wanted to know how yer touch feels somewhere ya haven’t touched before.” He gave him innocent look. “Is… that a'right?”

A small smile lit up Hikaru's face when Yoshiki’s fingers slipped under the edge of his sleeve, settling against the firmness of his upper arm - a timid, wordless "yes".

“'Cuz if ya don’t know how to do it either… guess we just have to discover it together, right?” Hikaru laughed softly. “Yer hands are always so warm. It's nice… I’d like to feel them more.”

Heh... how can you not be embarrassed by your own words? Yoshiki thought to himself but didn’t pull away from Hikaru's actions. Partly unconsciously, his curiosity made him slip his hand further under the loose fabric, brushing his thumb over the other boy’s collarbone. His own resistance was counterbalanced by Indou’s encouraging, playful smile – captivating closeness overshadowing shame, a never-ending push and pull.

And almost like he already knew the ‘pull’ would be stronger this time, Hikaru leaned in more, almost climbing onto other boy, gently shifting his thighs apart to make room for himself.

“Is there somewhere ya wanna try touchin', Yoshiki?”

“I… don’t really know.” He mumbled in response, embarassed, torn between pushing his hand deeper and pulling it back. “Do you?”

“I think I do.” – Hikaru said, taking Yoshiki's slim hand and guiding it higher, onto his own neck, stretching the fabric of his sleeve, leaning into the touch. “I mean… if you’ll let me.”

Yoshiki couldn't even properly focus on his actions, too distracted by those words and the possibilities they brought up. His eyelashes fluttered in confusion as Hikaru's gaze fixed on a small cluster of moles along his neck. He watched as the white-haired boy’s expression softes, almost like he was seeing something precious.

“Can I...?” Hikaru's voice was quiet, almost hopeful.

Yoshiki tilted his head, unsure what he meant.

“I wanna kiss ya here,” Hikaru admitted, sliding his fingers gently down to Yoshiki’s neck. “Ya’ve got these...” He smiled, pointing at the moles. “They’re adorable.”

A flush crept over older boy's cheeks.

“T-they’re really not...” he started, but Hikaru leaned in anyway, planting a soft kiss on the larger mole.

“I know ya ain’t like 'em, but I truly do. Yoshiki, y’know?” Hikaru murmured against his skin. “I read in one of the books that moles mark the places where we used to be kissed the most in our previous lives.”

“What kinda books’ve ya been readin’ to know weird stuff like that?”

Indou chuckled softly into his skin, bestowing the mole’s neighbor with another tender kiss.

“Think it’s only right recreatin' that in this life too, yeah?” He moved higher, planting soft kisses on the spot just beneath Yoshiki’s chin, near the corner of his lips, then trailing along his cheek. Yoshiki’s face was flushed and unsure, but he didn’t pull away, even when Hikaru's fingers brushed back his bangs, revealing silver eyes to the dim light and another gentle kiss landed on the mole just under the right one.

Their gazes locked for a moment, and Yoshiki found himself mesmerized by the pale irises and the unsettling, inhuman redness nestled in Hikaru's dilated pupils. It was buried deep just as Hikaru had promised, but it was there - restrained, repressed, visible only because they were so close. Close enough that Yoshiki couldn’t possibly miss the way the white-haired boy’s eyes slide downward, his gaze so intent it only made Yoshiki more nervous. It was embarassing to ask, but he couldn't stop himself.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Did ya know?” Hikaru's thumb brushed Yoshiki’s bottom lip, gently pulling it open. “You’ve got one here too.”

“I-I do?”

“Right where it stops being skin and gets… y’know, softer.” He moved in a little more, and though it was only millimeters, Yoshiki’s breath hitched, caught somewhere deep in his lungs. It wouldn’t be a lie to say no one had ever been this close to him. This... intimate.

“How do ya even know that?” His voice faltered under the light pressure on his lip.

“Ya sometimes part lips in yer sleep.” Hikaru chuckled, something warm and overwhelming stirring in his chest. He couldn’t quite name it, but it felt important - something he hadn’t known he could even feel. He wondered if that was how humans felt when they were close to someone they cared about. It felt nice, too; he could see why so many of them longed for it.

“Where the hell are ya even lookin’…”

Hikaru let the teasing comment slide. He was too focused on the boy in front of him - and on whatever it was he was feeling. Should it even be this intense? The closer he got, the stronger the pull became. The only thing he could compare it to was his need to fill the void inside him with souls, but this wasn’t the same. It wasn’t as primal. It was different. He wondered if it was a result of his current form, but quickly realized that wasn’t quite it either. Having a body came with all sorts of needs: wanting a cool soda on a hot day, taking a shower after a football match, eating something he hadn’t tasted in a while. But this wasn’t just another physical craving. Those were the body’s way of balancing itself. This… was something else.

Something in between, maybe. His skin felt cold without Yoshiki’s warmth; his body begged to chase it. But like the instinct to consume, he now felt empty without Yoshiki’s presence, desperate to fill himself with him. But no number of souls could give him what he lacked - a soul of his own - and no closeness with Yoshiki would ever completely satisfy him either. It was unbearable. Was it really how the humans experienced 'love'? Or was it 'lust'? It was so bittersweet. Especially because no matter how much he wanted to draw nearer, fear of going too far and scaring Yoshiki away held him back.

Yoshiki. Hikaru wondered if this was what “mixing” felt like for him. Something that wasn’t in your nature, yet you craved it anyway, both with body and mind - and could never quite explain why.

“I wanna try kissin’ ya,” Hikaru confessed, brows furrowed, his voice soft but faint. There was an unusual look in his eyes – determined, yes, but also fragile, like he might cry. “So, so much…”

Yoshiki couldn’t remember ever seeing him like this. So openly desperate. So yearning. How the hell could he refuse him now?

So he leaned in, just a bit, just to give a permission. His hand slid from his neck just to be placed behind Hikaru's ear, gathering silky white strands as he shortened the distance - and closed his eyes, letting other boy close the space between them entirely.

Yoshiki was no poet, but the kiss felt… gentle. Fleeting, like a moth’s wings brushing against his lips mid-flight. He was used to their physical closeness being more intense, almost overwhelming, so that softness caught him completely off guard. It made him lean forward even more, chasing that expected contact even though the kiss had already ended.

The seriousness melted from Hikaru’s face, replaced by a playful grin.

“What are ya leanin' in for?” he asked, suddenly all smug. “Wanna kiss again?” His voice dipped, teasing… and something more.

Yoshiki flushed. Hard.

He turned away quickly, trying to bury himself behind his too-long bangs, but it was no use – Hikaru’s hands were still resting on his face, able to feel every bit of this warmth. And, sure enough, his fingers gently brushed Yoshiki’s cheek, coaxing him to look back.

“But it ain’t that bad, right?” Hikaru’s gaze softened, and the moonlight framed his expression perfectly – his pretty, flushed face lit just enough to be dangerous.

Yoshiki’s heart felt like it had been picked up and squeezed in someone’s palm.

No, it wasn’t bad at all.

Or maybe, in some ways, it was – but at the same time it felt so thrilling. Tempting to the point that Yoshiki couldn’t have cared less about all his worries.

It felt like the barrier between them had started to crack – and the longer Hikaru’s gaze held him, the more those cracks spread. With every second, Yoshiki’s shame and hesitation melted further, until he let himself lean into the warmth of the other boy’s palm.

“It’s not bad…” he admitted, his voice dangerously close to breaking.

At this point he was getting used to the fact that Hikaru's always making him feel conflicted. Maybe it was just inherent part of his core existence, that will forever make Yoshiki go insane and grow more and more on him at the same time.

Hikaru's smile stretched wide at his words, eyes nearly closing from the squint. But that was alright – Yoshiki didn’t need to see it. He could feel that happiness, that gentle craving, radiating from every place other boy's gaze touched him.

And Yoshiki kissed him again before the smile faded, so that he could still feel it lingering on his lips when they met. Hikaru’s mouth was curved in that grin for a second too long before he remembered this was supposed to be a kiss – not just pressing their mouths together. It felt a little clumsy, but honest. And Yoshiki found that endearing.

“Yer being too careless…” he murmured when they parted, though a faint grin tugged at the corner of his lips.

“Am I?” Hikaru asked, looking genuinely puzzled.

“You are. Just–” Yoshiki exhaled, brushing a hand along the side of Hikaru’s jaw with nervous but firm motion. He gently tilted his head by the chin. “Oh boy. Okay. Just… close yer eyes.”

He leaned in closer. Kissing the other boy felt different from fearing what he was. Scary in its own way. Scarier, even. Yoshiki hesitated more now than he had when he’d literally stuck his hand inside the being on his lap.

But he decided not to overthink it. His lips hovered just a breath away from Hikaru's as he gave a quiet instruction:

“Try to mimic my movements.”

Then he kissed him softly, imitating what he’d seen in movies – and sometimes imagined in his own head.

Hikaru hesitated at first, perhaps confused, but it wasn’t long before he responded in kind. And when he did, he somehow naturally adjusted his rhythm to match Yoshiki’s. He didn’t just return the kiss, he added something of his own to it. His passion seeped in gently, like pigment dissolving into clear water, coloring everything in its hue.

He brushed their vermilion borders together, sneaking in a small, deliberate lick where the Yoshiki's mole was supposed to be. His movements were instinctive and sincere, and their intensity was growing – so much so that Tsujinaka couldn’t quite keep up with his sensual, but carefully measured and slower pace.

Overwhelmed, Yoshiki gave in, letting go of control and hoping their natural chemistry would be enough for the kiss to find its own rhythm.

And it was enough.

He could feel it settle, just as clearly as he felt the soft scrape of Hikaru's snuggletooth against his tongue when he shyly let it join the dance.

A soft noise of appreciation escaped Hikaru's throat as his head tilted back, either from the kiss or from Yoshiki’s fingers exploring his neck. And “exploring” really was the perfect word for it.

Yoshiki hadn’t been aware of his own curiosity at first, but now it was undeniable. Just as Hikaru wanted to get to know the feeling, Yoshiki wanted to know him – to learn how each muscle contracted, how the delicate, short hairs at the nape of his neck felt, where the last vertebra could be traced beneath that warm skin. And maybe so much more, but he wasn’t ready to admit it yet.

Hikaru broke the kiss with a shaky exhale.

“It feels so nice...”

With their faces still close, Yoshiki could feel his breath. He saw, up close, the way Hikaru's eyes drifted shut – a fan of light eyelashes for a moment obscured the redness in his pupils.

Yoshiki let himself enjoy the way younger boy leaned into his touch. He let him come even closer, feel the weight fully settling onto his lap. He leaned back slightly, just to watch Hikaru follow that closeness – chasing after him with overflowing, heavy affection.

The warmth in Yoshiki’s chest spread through his entire body, and it was such a unique sensation that he fully believed no amount of imagination could ever do it justice.

His worry gave way to pleasure and yearning. Even the fear of the unknown only added layers to the sublimity of the moment. The boy above him – towering yet somehow looking like he might melt between his fingers.

Maybe he had craved it all along.

Yoshiki’s gaze fixated on those glowing eyes, his mind blank, thoughts crushed under the weight of too many emotions. Only one feeling remained clear – but it was one he couldn’t bring himself to say aloud. And Hikaru seemed just as captivated, his eyes locked on him, staring through with such intensity it felt like he could see straight into his soul.

“Yoshiki…” Heavy voice broke the sweltering silence, thick with longing.

“What’s it?”

“…I think I want more. Of you.”

“Aren’t you a little greedy? Slow down, Hikaru.”

“I can’t. I can’t, Yoshiki, please…”

He had been holding himself up by a grip on Yoshiki's shoulders until now, but he bent his arms, leaning in even more.

And Yoshiki knew he couldn’t keep up with Hikaru's pace. He didn't try to; he took his time instead, slower, more deliberate, and for some reason, it wasn't clashing with the intensity of other boy's craving.

Yoshiki liked that. That they were different but in unison. Both of his hands slid into the soft white hair as they often used to do, only this time his nails gently scratching the skin beneath as his eyes and ears drank in the soft humming that rewareded his movements. He trailed down his fingertips to Hikaru's nape, just to hear more of it, and when younger boy tilted his head back, Yoshiki used the opportunity to trace the faint, barely visible scar encircling his throat – so softly that he was barely touching the warm skin.

He felt the subtle movement as Hikaru swallowed in anticipation.

“Does it still hurt?”

“Huh? What?”

“The scar. From… ya know…”

“Nah. Not anymore.” A breathy pause. “Oh… touch it, Yoshiki. Touch it, please…”

Memories flooded Yoshiki’s mind. There was something so tragic, so terrifying in that scar – the boy in front of him literally had his head cut off, yet here he was: breathing deeply, heart beating fast, not exactly alive but safe and sound. What had they both gone through to deserve this?

The weight of it all made Yoshiki’s body react before shame could stop him. And it didn’t help that Hikaru's neck was so close, so perfectly within reach, and that the boy’s pleading still echoed in his ears.

“Ah...” One of Hikaru's hands tangled in his hair as Yoshiki traced the scar with his lips, leaving a small, gentle kiss – as if trying to soothe some lingering pain. As if returning the favor for the way Hikaru had kissed his moles earlier, showing that he loved his imperfections too. As if silently promising that he would never leave him, no matter how broken he might be.

Yoshiki purred into his neck, enjoying how Hikaru's grip on his hair tightened – like he was desperately trying to keep him from pulling away.

“I love it...” He heard him sigh. “I didn’t know bein’ kissed could feel this nice.”

And it made the question rise in Yoshiki’s mind – one he couldn’t ignore.

“Can you really feel the whole thing?” he asked, fully aware of how his breath ghosted over the Hikaru's skin.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Dunno… you said somethin' before that you don’t feel pain the same way we do. I thought maybe other sensations were different, too.”

“Well... dunno if I feel things the same way as others,” Hikaru said softly, as if he were lost in thought. “But I can definitely taste good food. And I love the wind on my face, or through my hair on the bike. Or when ya hold my hand… when we touch each other.” He smiled softly. “Yeah, I think I can feel those nice things jus' fine.”

Hikaru's words often left Yoshiki flustered, and this time was no different - but it didn’t make him feel so self-conscious now. Quite the opposite.

“An' if I do it again…?”

Hikaru's fingers brushed along Yoshiki’s nape, pulling on his dark hair.

“I’ll love it this time too, I think.”

But now Yoshiki wasn’t quite sure where he was supposed to place his lips. He knew some people bit their lover’s skin – but he wasn’t sure how to do it without hurting other boy, even so slightly. So he stuck to brushing Hikaru's neck with gentle kisses, tracing the scar with his fingers, adding shy licks between soft presses, trying to convey with that actions how much he cared. How much everything they went through still weighted on him. How much he wished that they could experience more peaceful moments like this one.

He immersed himself in those feelings, as if nothing else mattered anymore. He could stay like this forever - holding Hikaru's warm, breathing body on his lap, taming him and all his emotions. Because this time, with darkness hiding them away from any unwelcomed looks, everything finally felt right.

That is, until Hikaru shifted, collapsing onto older boy's chest and hiding himself in the crook of his neck.

“Somethin' wrong?” Yoshiki asked, puzzled, gently placing a calming hand on his friend's head.

“Sorry, it’s jus'… dunno actually. So many things at once,” Hikaru mumbled, rubbing his face against the warm, slightly sweaty skin of the other boy. “An' you're just too damn nice. So gentle with me, so caring… I don’t even know what this feelin' is, but it’s gonna explode. Somewhere inside.”

Yoshiki’s hand stayed in his shaggy hair, stroking softly in a comforting rhythm. He didn’t say anything – because he felt Hikaru just needed to let it out. It seemed, in truth, that words weren’t what the white-haired boy needed now.

“Can ya hug me, Yoshiki?”

So Yoshiki smiled softly and answered without the words. He pulled him close, closing the space between their chests, heart to heart, holding him like he never wanted to let go. And truthfully – he didn’t.

“There ya go again, doin' exactly what I ask for... How can ya be this good to me? I don’t deserve it, not even a little.”

“Let me be the one to decide on this.”

“Ya were s'posed to pull me away.”

“I won’t pull away, Hikaru.” Yoshiki smiled. “Guess ya have to deal with that, huh?”

Maybe there really was something to these human ways of showing affection. Hikaru had never felt so... cherished before. Never. And he melted into it – craved it more than anything else. It overwhelmed him, but it was alright. He poured all that longing, all the fear of losing Yoshiki, all the relief and guilt and delight and desire and every other unnameable emotion, into that hug.

“Wait, Hikaru… yer cryin'?”

“Huh…?” Hikaru opened his previously shut eyes, realizing the warmth and wetness running down his face. “Sorry...” he mumbled, trying to wipe them away. “Haha... I dunno, they jus' won’t stop…”

“It’s alright,” Yoshiki reassured him, gently brushing his back. “Take yer time.”

The soft rhythm of the rain outside seemed to replace Hikaru's sobbing, giving voice to the tears he couldn’t express aloud. Neither of them knew how much time had passed as they stayed like that – mixed together, sharing warmth and heartbeat.

After a long moment, Hikaru calmed down and lifted his face from Yoshiki’s neck. That’s when he noticed the source of the soft red glow reflected in the silver of Tsujinaka’s eyes.

“Oh– sorry! Really, I didn’t even notice I was breakin' apart!” he said, panicked, trying to retract the otherworldly patterns swirling in the air from the scar on his neck.

“Don't worry. Ya don’t need to hide yerself,” Yoshiki said, reaching a hand into Hikaru's true form before it disappeared again. The strands of light and darkness lovingly wrapped around his fingers before slipping away.

“Huh? But didn’t ya say–”

“I think we’re done with that ‘understandin' how human affection works’ thing, aren’t we?” Yoshiki smiled gently, letting his hand return to the white-haired boy’s back. “It’s alright fer ya to be out now.”

“But it's gross and creepy…” Hikaru sniffed, tears threatening once more. “I am gross and creepy.”

“Stop that. Okay, it’s still terrifyin'... but y'know, it’s kind of beautiful too.”

The tears rolled down Hikaru's cheeks again, but this time familiar fingers brushed them away, and lips – marked with a hidden mole – kissed them gently from his skin.

“I like ya, Yoshiki. I like ya. I like ya so damn much. Please–”

The next kiss landed on his lips, silencing whatever words were about to follow.

“It’s enough for today.” Yoshiki murmured. “For us both. Let’s just… go to sleep, alright?”

“I… a'right, okay…” Hikaru sniffled, letting his friend ease him down. They laid on Yoshiki's bed, still tanagled together, as the owner of the room pulled a blanket over them to keep the chill of the night at bay. Not like it was threatening them in any way - not when they held eachother so close.

The reddish tendrils weren't hiding anymore. They drifted peacefully around them, escaping from underneath the covers, glowing softly and illuminating the room with a colorful, living light.

Hikaru smiled through still slightly teary eyes, lulled by Yoshiki’s steady breath and the sound of rain tapping on the window.

And just before sleep took him, so quiet it might’ve been part of a dream, he heard:

“Despite everythin', I might love ya too, Hikaru.”

“Huh?”

A soft sound of surprise escaped his lips before he could stop it.

Yoshiki didn’t respond. He just lay there, and even in the darkness, Hikaru could make out a faint smile on his lips – soft, relieved. Silver eyes opened, looking at him as if to ask, why are ya so surprised?

“Ya’ve never said that before…” Hikaru mumbled.

For some reason, Yoshiki let out a quiet scoff.

“Guess I didn’t.”

“Do ya mean that, though?” asked Hikaru, warmth blooming in his cheeks. It reminded him of the salty tracks of tears, and he didn’t like that. He didn’t like how insecure and desperate he must have seemed - yet he couldn’t stop feeling this way.”.

And Yoshiki seemed fine with that vulnerability. He was just kind like that.

“I do,” Yoshiki said simply. “Every word. But… especially ‘might.’”

“Mhm.” Hikaru snuggled a little closer, noticing how Yoshiki didn’t pull away – only adjusted his grip on his friend's arm before closing his eyes. “I’m fine with that.”

And he truly was. Hikaru was fine with what they had now. It was okay if Yoshiki needed more time to sort out his own feelings. It was okay if he never sorted them out, if that “might” lingered forever. Everything was alright as long as Yoshiki was there, lying by his side, tangled in a loose hug – far enough to breathe, close enough to feel his warmth.

Yeah, Yoshiki didn’t need to put labels on what they had. None of them really mattered to Hikaru anyway.

The silence settled over them like a second blanket laid down by the night itself. Hikaru wondered if he should break it to tell Yoshiki how he felt about his words, but then he noticed the shift in the boy’s breathing.

Yoshiki had fallen asleep.

So Hikaru simply smiled, unable to avert his gaze. It was such a lovely change to see Yoshiki’s brows free of their usual tension, his jaw unclenched from its constant stress. He really was handsome, and it showed even more in this softened state.

Hikaru’s eyes drifted lower. Yoshiki’s lips had parted slightly, as they often did in sleep. Not enough to reveal the mole, but that didn’t matter – Hikaru knew it was there. He had traced it with his tongue just moments ago. The thought sent a thrill through him. He still couldn’t believe how much Yoshiki had opened up to him today. He was so glad, it brought tears to his eyes once more.

He wanted to pull him closer, but knew about Yoshiki’s sleep troubles and didn’t want to risk waking him. Besides, this closeness was already the greatest blessing he could wish for – the quiet murmur of the black-haired boy’s heartbeat, his soft expression, his slow breaths. Reaching for more would have been pure greed.

Yoshiki had been right - Hikaru was greedy. Still, it was better to let the impulse fade for now.

Instead, he immersed himself in the moment, imprinting the shape of Yoshiki’s gleaming soul onto every fiber of his being, breathing in every detail of his presence so he could carry the memory of Yoshiki’s calm sleeping face into his dreams. Especially that soul – warm, bright, beautiful, shining peacefully beside him. It was overwhelming, how every part of Yoshiki felt so endearing.

Just before sleep claimed him, Hikaru realized that not only had he failed to understand human love, but he was even more confused about his own feelings. But maybe that was alright. As long as they were together, he could always ask Yoshiki for another lesson, right?