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“C’mon, Korvo! I think it would be really fun to try and get to know each other a lot better!” Terry pleaded, clasping his hands together.
“No, Terry. Besides, we already know pretty much everything about each other.” Korvo retaliated, rolling his eyes. “Is our relationship a joke to you?”
“What? Of course not, babe! Our relationship is like when you take dogshit and cat vomit and stick ‘em together, and you get a rad pizza that tastes really, really good.” Terry grinned then grabbed onto Korvo’s shoulders.
“C’mon, babe! I promise you will not regret it!”
“Hey, what are you two debating about now?” Jesse asked, walking onto the ship with her coreplicant.
“If it’s about which Final Destination is the best one to live through, I’d say the third one. Just don’t take a picture.” Yumyulack added.
“It has nothing to do with that, Terry wanted to do some body swapping thing and I wouldn’t allow him to. It gets way too confusing and I hate feeling confused!” Korvo huffed.
“Suck it, Krov! There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to do a Freaky Friday with your family! Besiiiiides, I’ve always wanted to see the world through your eyes.” Terry pouted and crossed his arms.
“Wait, a body swap? That sounds like sooo much fun! I’ve always wanted to swap places with one of you guys!” Jesse beamed. “Is it gonna be just like Freaky Friday where we have to learn a heartfelt lesson at the end to switch back?”
“Oh god, no! That’s too complicated and knowing this family, we’re not that grateful for each other.” Korvo responded flatly. The other three murmured in agreement to the comment. “We’ll just use the new What If?! Device I made and go on about our day.” He said, holding up the box all proudly.
The others all ‘oooh-ed’ and ‘ahhhh-ed’ at the device as Korvo showcased it.
“Since when did we have another What If Device? I thought after that whole Zarack thing we were done what if-ing.” Yumyulack tilted his head and inspected the box then looked at Korvo.
“I got bored and decided to fix up some of our old rays and such.” Korvo explained, putting the box on a pedestal.
“Ohmigod, who caaaaares ?? Lets get swapping!” Terry groaned. “We already know who we’re swapping with anyway!”
“Wait, who’s swapping with who?” Jesse asked.
“You and Yumyulack are swapping because I trust neither of you in my delicate body. I don’t even trust Terry in it but I trust him more than you two.” Korvo explained to the replicants.
“Well wasn’t that kind of obvious as to who we’re swapping with?” Yumyulack asked.
“Blame the lazy ass author, not me. They’re probably sitting in the dark with their laptop on full brightness and four hours of sleep. Be more original you mentally ill young adult!” Korvo waved his fist in the air.
“Korvo, I’m getting bored again!” Terry whined, his hand already hovering over the button.
“Fine, go for it, my love.” Korvo permitted with a small smile.
“What If.. the Solar Opposites swapped bodies?” Terry slammed his hand down on that big red button and led them to a mini sequence of chaos and random colors.
They all woke up from laying on the ship’s floor. They were all dazed and confused, honestly they weren’t even sure if it worked.
“Is everyone alright?” A now British ‘Terry’ said, sitting up. “What the-” Korvo held his hands out in front of him. They were his husband’s familiar green hands and they felt… unnaturally sticky.
“Terry, why are your hands so damn sticky??”
“Uhhh I dunno, man. Don’t cramp my whimsy.” The blue alien sat up and rubbed his head. “Hey, I didn’t get lightheaded from sitting up too fast! But I feel like a fuckin’ loser.” He mumbled that last part.
“Jesse, did you glue this bow on your head??” Yumyulack asked, feeling around Jesse’s head and straightening out the polka dot dress she always wore. “These shoes are so damn uncomfortable, how do you walk in these?”
“Yummers, have you ever showered? You smell like burnt butter and bad dreams..” Jesse sniffed the armpit of Yumyulack’s body and gagged a little. For someone who doesn’t have a nose, how strong could that stench really be?
“Korvvy, your skin is sooo soft!” ‘Korvo’ was feeling all over his face like an excited toddler. The actual Korvo smacked his hand away and scowled.
Terry’s husk stood up and immediately doubled over, holding his head. “Terry what the actual living fuck is wrong with your body? There should be no reason I feel this lightheaded trying to stand up.” He paused and smacked his lips. “Why is my mouth so dry?!”
“Ohh, you must be having alcoholic cotton mouth.” The actual Terry responded. “Drink some more, it’ll go away.”
“Your body cannot be suited for proper function, I feel like I’m on the verge of collapsing.” Korvo was genuinely worried at how his husband was still properly functioning.
“Man, I wish Korvo didn’t deactivate all the weapons in your bounty suit, Yum. I could totally bust some bad guys!” Yumyulack punched the air and did a highkick like he was some kind of kung-fu master.
Jesse stared in disgust and rolled her eyes. “Well I wish you actually had cool abilities in this dumb dress but these shoes are already torture devices!” She huffed, giving up and just taking off the shoes.
“Well we’re all swapped. You guys wanted this.” Terry rolled his eyes and rolled the fabric of his current t-shirt between his fingers. “Terry, what the hell is this cheap fabric?”
Korvo gasped dramatically in offense. “It’s not cheap, it’s 100% cotton! I like being comfortable as much as I like being fashionable.” He crossed his arms and turned his back on Terry.
“For being a bounty hunter, you suck at being active. Running around the ship once should not result in chest gripping breaths..” Yumyulack panted, doubled over.
“Okay literally none of you have room to talk about being unathletic. We’re aliens, that shit should matter.” Jesse tugged at her bow to try to get it off. “What should matter is how Jesse keeps this damn bow on her head! We’re bald , what the fuck is it sticking to??”
“Don’t talk trash about my bow until you can figure out why your mouth tastes like the fart of an ash tray.” Yumyulack stuck his tongue out.
“Will both of you shut up?!” Terry snapped. “It’s obvious this was a big mistake and we should all just switch back to our old bodies! The brain fog in Terry’s head is unbearable, it’s a miracle how he’s not constantly seizing.” He rolled his eyes.
“Hey where is Korvo’s husk anyway?” Jesse asked, looking around.
“Terry must’ve snuck off while you two were busy bickering! Who knows what he’s doing with my body, oh god!” He was genuinely concerned as to what his husband had planned.
Meanwhile Korvo was literally up in their room, looking at himself in the mirror with his robe opened and… flexing his “muscles”.
“Daaaamn babe, your body is ripped. I wonder why he hides it so much. Korvo’s such a loser but he’s my loser.” Korvo was talking to himself in their bathroom mirror. “Wow his stomach is soo soft..” He started poking his stomach and blowing raspberries with his tongue.
“Terry!”
“Ah!! Korvo! What are you doing-” Korvo awkwardly covered himself with his robe like he was fully naked.
“We decided to all switch back, come on so we can go back to our normal bodies.” Terry grabbed his hand and tried to drag him out of the bathroom.
“But I don’t wanna!” Korvo whined. “Your body is so cool looking and I’ve always wondered what things look like from your height. You’re a short king, Korvo.”
Terry groaned and rolled his eyes. “Terry, please, can we switch? I’m losing cognitive function the longer I stay in this walking garbage disposal!” He was begging. Korvo loved his husband and all that jazz but he genuinely could not take being in Terry’s body anymore.
Even the replicants were getting antsy, trying not to fight each other, they were still spewing insults towards each other.
“Oh my goooood! But your body is so fun and mine is all boring! I need something new, baby!” Korvo whined, throwing a mini tantrum.
“Terry, there is no fucking chance I’m letting you destroy my body.” Terry crossed his arms. “Now lets go, I have stuff to do like taking you to an AA meeting and the doctor’s office.”
“Finally! I’m done being stuck in a chick’s body. Besides, it’s Jesse so it’s not even cool.” Jesse rolled her eyes and scowled at Yumyulack, to which he just responded by flipping his coreplicant off.
“Fine, Korvo. I’ll leave this anxiety ridden body. Why do you hate yourself so much? All I feel is self doubt and the horrors of insecurities that I never knew existed.” Korvo shuddered as he left the bathroom with the rest of his family.
“There’s flaws in all of us, so what??” Terry huffed, walking up to the ship to the What If?! Device. “Is everyone ready? It feels like Terry’s body is about to give out on me.”
“That’s why I limit myself to so many movements a day.” Korvo stated.
“You all really need to work on your athleticism.” Terry rolled his eyes then hovered his hand over the button. “I hope you all are satisfied because we are not doing this ever again.”
He pressed the button again and it dislodged itself. The solars were back in their respective bodies.
“Oh god, Korvo what did you do to my body?” Terry felt more energized than usually.
“All I did was drink a few cups of water?” Korvo was a little confused but it did dawn he’s never seen his husband drink a single glass of water. Needless to say, that body was screaming for help.
“Well I think we all learned a valuable lesson about each other.” Jesse smiled.
“We’re all terrible at taking care of ourselves in different ways?” Yumyulack asked, stretching his arms.
“That and the author clearly has no way to end this thing..”